ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Africa: Sub-SaharanImmigration Fraud ****Share Your Stories****
QUOTE (We_Destiny @ Jan 4 2008, 10:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (MrsJibowu @ Jan 4 2008, 08:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your so thoughtful Destiny! :energetic:


QUOTE (We_Destiny @ Jan 3 2008, 07:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Come in share your stories.

A place / a home / an arena for those wronged / hurt / scammed to communicate stories, scream, cry and heal themselves past the pain of lost love.



Not thoughtful tired of the fraud, scammer and deport direction most threads were going in.

Also, I'm not trying to be funny / scarcastic. I TRUELY BELIEVE having a topic designated to the subject is practical.


If I know which one you were talking about, that was the topic of the post. Not like it changed in the middle. People know her mission and should stay away from her postings if they have a problem with her topics and responses.

This post showed up in the African Sub portal Discussion, which leaves out other part of the country where visa fraud also takes place. You should post it in the off topic or adjustment after arrival in us. (something like that)
Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-04 10:25:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanImmigration Fraud ****Share Your Stories****
Your so thoughtful Destiny! :energetic:


QUOTE (We_Destiny @ Jan 3 2008, 07:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Come in share your stories.

A place / a home / an arena for those wronged / hurt / scammed to communicate stories, scream, cry and heal themselves past the pain of lost love.

Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-04 09:45:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanFor some help in the African forum
Good Luck! Everything will be cleared when you are there. Make sure you bring your sent emails with all your request.

QUOTE (JJWashington @ Dec 7 2007, 01:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Boaz @ Dec 6 2007, 04:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Mr. Big Dog @ Dec 6 2007, 06:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (MaRob @ Dec 6 2007, 01:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am leaving for Germany Monday, can I just show up at the embassy with that letter?

If it was me in your shoes, that is exactly what I'd do. And while this is all very frustrating, I'd be polite and respectful when dealing with the Consulate. It'll get you better results than letting your anger drive your words and actions.

Good Luck!



Agree! Wish you the best.

Boaz



Definitely agree and wish you the best!!!

Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2007-12-07 05:09:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanAlready have a wife.......
I am so devastated to read your post as I am sure we followed your journey to this point. I can't imagine the pain you must feel, because of the pain I already feel for your situation. It is a similar story I have heard and been warned of on several occasions. I think it is extremely important for people to share the good and the bad. As I have posted before. I have heard more negative results then positive. So if we all have to go on some statistics we have to admit that at least 1 in 4 relationships from 3rd world countries are a sham and disappointment.

You have your evidence that I am sure is difficult to stomach. You have been through so much for what you believed was real. We as petitioners give up a lot and bear an immense burden. You can learn a lot about yourself through this experience, if you take it as just that “a learning experience.” Please find ways to grow and learn as that is what life is about. Find areas where you can grow as a friend & loved one. Choose the high road, but protect yourself and your own interest. He has to go! Then you have to grow!



May god give you the strength and wisdom to make the choices that are best for you!

Even as an anonymous poster you will be in my prayers.



Best Regards,
Mrs. Jibowu

QUOTE (Betrayed01 @ Mar 31 2008, 08:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he's working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he's been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he's become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it's a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He's promising his "wife", that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can't say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don't want to say much because I want to see how he's going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he's not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-03-31 08:41:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa Approved
I am so happy for you Divine! I needed this great news. Thank you for sharing. You deserved this!

QUOTE (Divine Mercy @ Apr 23 2008, 02:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My computer is broken at home urgh. I couldn't post yesterday and tell ya'll about the interview.

He got the visa, he picks it up on Tuesday. It was a very very difficult interview. He was given the 3rd degree about every other time he has visited the embassy and what he was there for. He was grilled about me, my kids, our kid... etc. I don't have all the details but when I do I'll post them and do the embassy review. The interview lasted over 30 minutes.

Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-04-24 10:45:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanInterview Date
Thank you all for taking the time to post your Congrats and well wishes.
Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-04 05:59:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanInterview Date
Hello fellow Nigerian petitioners,

I wanted to share my fortunate news since there has been mention of CR1 interviews taking up to 6 months to schedule. I have been reading several of the embassy reviews which seem to have gotten more positive and inspirational. This perception is a drastic change from when I started this journey a year ago.

My case was completed at the NVC on May 2. Last week I unexpectedly received a letter from the NVC stating that my case was forwarded to the Embassy and my interview date has been scheduled for July 7th. I screamed and cried so loud I am sure my neighbors heard me. I feel like I need to pinch myself every time I think about it.

There is a significance to the # 7!
It stands for 'completion', 'Perfection', 'Blessing', 'Prosperity', 'Success', 'Good luck' ...etc.
I think Mike's interview date is a divine confirmation.... July is the seventh month, on the seventh day...

Let go and let god! If it meant for you to be, it will. Sometimes when you push to hard for something that is not coming together, It just might not be meant to be. Slow your life down, listed to the signs and words from above.

Thank you for all your notes of support. I have enjoyed the friendships I have made on this website. I wish you all lived closer to the east coast.

I will keep you all posted.

Mrs. Jibowu
Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-03 09:28:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLago Medical
thanks for taking the time. Yes it does ease my mind a bit. You know how it is when you just want everything to go smooth as possible. Any bump could ad a couple of weeks.
I am appreciative of the interview date though. What an amazing feeling when I got that letter. My husband didn't even go to the embassy to get the appointment.
I read where some cR1 interviews were taking 7 months. Looks like all appointments are taking the same amount of time from case complete to interview date.

Have a great day!
Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-16 14:52:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLago Medical
Lenghtening the process is what concerns me.

I will have my husband question the problem with the holiday at the embassy, since his appointment is that following Monday the 7th.

I was concerend with the recent post around medical information not being ready. He said when he was there it was extreemly busy. They wanted to schedule the appointment for the 8th of July. My husband had to plead with them.

thanks for taking the time to post.
Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-13 08:16:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLago Medical
Hello Lago's petitioners,

My husband has been to two of his appointments for the Medical. his 3rd appointment is on July 4th and his interview is on the 7th. What does the 3rd appointment entail and will the results if any be there in time for the 7th. I was hoping the 3rd appointment was just to recieve the packet.

Thanks in advance for any assistance in this matter.

Mrs. Jibowu
Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-13 05:54:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
[quote name='Omoba' date='Jun 16 2008, 10:23 PM' post='1934796']
I believe instead of predicting to all they are being scammed, it would be helpful to advise on how to avoid scammers and how to look for red flags,
how to have some common sense.
[/quote]
Red Flags on Being Scammed:




    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-17 06:29:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
    When you give with pure intention to GOD or in GOD's view, doesn't matter where the money really goes.



    QUOTE (Tsup2 @ Jun 16 2008, 10:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I was attending church this past Sunday and we had a Nigerian Priest say the mass. He spoke of his Archdiocese in Nigeria that had a school that sponsored free education for poor children. Then a second collection was taken for this cause. I couldn't help but think that it may have been a scam. I didnt donate. He said that it cost $1,000 a year to educate a child there. I thought that was an excessive amount for a third world country. It's also a sad statement that I cant fully trust a Priest any more when I go to mass.

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-16 15:14:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
    Thank you for posting. Your time and efforts are appreciated. It has been a while, that I had not heard from you. I am glad you are sharing again.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-16 14:56:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanI'm out!
    I changed my name to lurking, not knowing I could not change it back for a year. crying.gif

    I try not to bash any of GOD's children, just the action of them. headbonk.gif

    My hiatus was a long one, but now my laptop is at the shop. I took me 2 months to get it there. I thank GOD for the piece that he has brought to my life by taking away the internet. whistling.gif




    QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jun 17 2008, 02:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    hello "tony and tess," biggrin.gif
    I understand your frustrations wink.gif .
    I hope you don't leave, but merely take a hiatus of sorts yes.gif .
    I have noticed that it can and does get very "hot" headbonk.gif in herrre.
    But by the same token, it can be very light hearted and uplifting jest.gif .
    I personally don't subscribe to "bashing" secret7vf.gif a nation of people (you never know where your ancestry hails from) no0pb.gif .
    If at possible, sign in anonymously ph34r.gif and start "lurking" eb0dfafc.gif reading.gif then you can do "drive-by" postings.
    But whatever you decide, take care of you and get the resources you need for your journeys in this life cool.gif .
    UNO rose.gif

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-17 06:02:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanI'm out!
    Hello Tony and Tess,

    I have been there, seen that, and it is sad to say that you are correct. Some people only want to hear from you if you agree with them. I make sure I post when needing information or when I might be able to give some or support.

    I agree with idocare's mission. I know several women on here that have been through what she has, but are not ready to share. If her post can save just one person from heartache and financial ruin, I support her every step of the way.

    Thank you for being a part of our Journeys.

    Shalom,
    Mrs. Jibowu


    QUOTE (tony and tess @ Jun 16 2008, 10:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I hesitated to post in this forum early on because I read some of the BS that goes on here but.... I was looking for support during my trying process and decided that this was probably the best place to do it.

    What I've see is ugliness, judgement and what appears to be superiority. I've decided that many of the people in this forum only want topics posted that they can be "know it alls" to (which is soooooo not possible), talk down to people (that cracks me up) and those that look for a single reason to jump on someone and I've seen in at least a dozen times since I've been here.

    Many of you speak of God.... wow! That surprises me given some of the BS that goes on here. I wasn't looking for drama, I'm looking for support so.... I"m out.

    Good luck with your journey's and may God bless us all!

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-17 05:58:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanHome Improvement Series by William Femi Awodele
    JJWashington,
    I am so glad you found his books helpful. This book is beneficial for anyone who is married to an African coming to Western Culture.
    HE embraces keeping the relationship together. Extremely respectful, appreciative and supportive of his wife. Did you get both of the books?

    You are in great hands now!


    QUOTE (JJWashington @ Mar 11 2008, 12:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I want to recommend this book to all of you. It has been extremely good reading and helpful to me especially since my husband is here. We have actually been going thru each chapter together = one by one. There are a few things I don't agree with, but I really like his method of teachings. Just a recommendation!!!

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-03-17 05:33:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanSpeaking of hateraid!
    God does not have to like everything you do to love you. I am made acceptable in Christ. I am the righteousness of GOD, in Christ (not in flesh). I don’t do everything right. I’ve got a long way to go, but I am on my way! Alleluia

    Joyce Meyers
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-20 10:29:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
    You need to stop sending me message or I will report you for harrasement. You love to send mean spirited letters then not recieve them back. You are a coward that is why. You do not want to hear the truthe. This is the second time you sent me a note attacking me.

    I do not speak to you on this forum so you do not need to write to me. If sylvia is upset because I said her defensive responce reflect doubt then she needs to seek counseling to figure out why she is defensive to the OP's post if it is not for doubt. The fact alone that you say she is so upset by my post is a testimate to her emotional stability which would add questions to her ability to draw a judgement on the validity of her relationship. Which I never doubted to begin with, but not I have concerns.

    I am out for the weekend. So you all have a good one.





    QUOTE (Perseverance @ Jun 27 2008, 06:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jun 27 2008, 04:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I was always taught
    "starve what you want to die and feed what you want to live" wink.gif
    and truth be told, none of us knows anything about any of us aside from what we decide to tell each other; so why get upset. if it aint true, don't apply to you, why respond??? everyone has opinions just like everyone has #######.



    Yes this is soo true. It is really hard when you are on the recieving end, to just ignore, especially when the people who are saying things know nothing about you or your situation. I myself have also fallen prey to the judgemental nastiness here. The projection of thier own experience on to my situation. It really upset me and only made a bad situation for me worse, I needed support not to further be kicked down. VJ has crabs in a bucket syndrome.

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-28 09:30:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
    OH, could you please quote me where I cast judgment on your relationship?

    The only thing I will ask GOD to forgive me on is wasting my time in forums having this conversation with you.





    Oh and its poster that are so defensive that keep people from posting. I get messages in my in box from people who are afraid to speak their mind for some reason in the African Sub sahara.


    QUOTE (Sylvia_n_Joseph @ Jun 27 2008, 12:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    She is defensive because of her own doubts
    Those are you own devil spawned words casting dispersion at a relationship you have no inside knowledge about. I seriously would love to know why you would think it is your duty to cast such judgment at my relationship. Are you above us all and have the gift to try to tear apart a relationship ? Are you of a new sect that masks itself as Christian that delights at casting falsehoods on the net ? Just please explain to me why you are doing this ? What part of your cut and paste religious quotes gives you the right to cast judgment on my relationship ? This isn't anything close to a supportive venue.

    QUOTE (Lurking @ Jun 27 2008, 09:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    QUOTE (Sylvia_n_Joseph @ Jun 27 2008, 12:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    And throwing it snippets for your gallery of quotes to justify your slander to wards my relationship.


    [correction]

    I was did not slandering your relationship.

    I was explaining to her not to take your reaction personal and explanation of why people feel defensive. I know nothing about your relationship nor do I need to understand why people react defensively.

    I do not have to nor should you expect posters to read every single topic in visajourney or the subsuharah. I read this posting and I am responding to her post. The fact that you think my quotes are a slander to your relationship really makes no sence. Again you are being defensive to my post.



    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-27 12:06:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
    I can tell that her long paragraph of her husband's life was a defensive responce. It was not just one statement that lead me to this conclusion it was several.



    I did not judge her relationship. I do not know who she is or who her husband his. I can't even remember if they are married. I would have to go back and look. I am commenting on her defensive post that made the OP feel upset. I told her not to take it personal.





    QUOTE (Omoba @ Jun 27 2008, 12:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    Only God can see the heart. It could be as simple as misunderstanding the meaning of the typed word by someone and we should not judge someones relationship and assume a reply is defensiveness when it is a misunderstanding.







    See I am writing like she is married and she is not. So how could I judge a relationship I know nothing about.

    QUOTE (Lurking @ Jun 27 2008, 12:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I can tell that her long paragraph of her husband's life was a defensive responce. It was not just one statement that lead me to this conclusion it was several.



    I did not judge her relationship. I do not know who she is or who her husband his. I can't even remember if they are married. I would have to go back and look. I am commenting on her defensive post that made the OP feel upset. I told her not to take it personal.





    QUOTE (Omoba @ Jun 27 2008, 12:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    Only God can see the heart. It could be as simple as misunderstanding the meaning of the typed word by someone and we should not judge someones relationship and assume a reply is defensiveness when it is a misunderstanding.







    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-06-27 11:46:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanShocking but pleasant
    Thank you for sharing this chispas. It is awe inspiring. My favorite saying come to mind when she stated she was hoping he would come to america and leave his demonds behind. "No matter where you go... There you are"



    QUOTE (chispas @ Jan 3 2008, 02:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    It truly is an immense joy to have Vjers surrounding me in prayer during this time in my life. It is a cliché worth repeating when I say that YOU are the some of the few people who know, understand and have experienced something similar to me.
    To keep you appraised, I met with my husband's family friend, and pastor, today and we spent the time in prayer and reflection. Not only did she have sound scriptures to support her advice, she informed me about some shocking details concerning the family that I was not privy to. Her reason for telling me these things is that they had felt God blessed my husband with another opportunity to set his life straight and truly live a different life from what his immediate family was living in Africa. She was very clear that it was a joy to know that he would be leaving Africa and coming to America where things are "different."
    She said that it was not their expectation that he would come to America and have trouble adjusting nor bringing the same "demons" to the United States that were present in Africa. I didn't choose the word "demons" she chose it.
    Leaping forward, the main thing that stuck in my heart at the end of the day was when she asked, "
    Did God choose him for you or did I do it yourself? She asked, "Was the journey here easy or hard"? My answers were, I chose him myself and the journey was hard and long. She replied….when God chooses you don't have to work this hard.
    Much to think about right? Tomorrow she comes over to my house and we will cleanse it through prayer. Sigh

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 17:15:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanShocking but pleasant
    Chispas,
    This is an honor and a blessing from the all mighty God. Please relish every moment of this journey for the benefit of your continual spiritual growth and future.



    I look forward to hearing about your accomplishments.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-02 09:50:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    QUOTE (chinelo @ Jan 3 2008, 07:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    GAUTIER MISSISSIPPI. its really a quite place with few africans but there are black americans. and the whites are more friendly than them. my husband is white and he does not have any friend so i had no one to talk to or someone to come for dinner in my house. it was lonely


    I was in Hattiesberg MS. Is his family in he area? You need to get some pictures of that baby posted.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 19:46:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    What part of Mississippi are you in? I traveled there for work last year. You are right that it is not the best place for people to get out and socialize. I wish you were in a place that was more populated with Africans. There usually tends to be a community based program or church that has a majority of Africans. Even in cold ars Maine.

    Again, my post is directed at women here possibly are being targeted for the green card. There always is that fine line of adjustment and resentment for expenses. I would be having a totally different discussion if the SO was already here in America. I admire your commitment to your family.

    You are in great hands on this website. Your opinion is appreciated and valued here.

    QUOTE (chinelo @ Jan 3 2008, 06:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    you associate lagos with every part of the country which wont work because lagos is a commercial area where if you dont work, you starve. and ofcourse you also know that you are free to live with your parents until you get married though presently so many women are striving for independence. i lived in a small town in abia state where jobs are quite limited. but i was not totally idle, i was working with my dad until he passed away but the job i could do with my eyes closed so i still had a lot of time on my hands to go online. there are four ways you could get a good job in nigeria, sheer luck of been in the right place at the right time, been retained where you did your youth service, having connections in the right place and sleeping your way in. if your brother & sister in laws both have jobs ofcourse everyone of there friends would have jobs. did you see a job vacancy anywhere that was not filled. how many people did u see on the road selling recharge cards, (i think more than the people buying the cards) people want to work but there are no jobs. i see degree holders making $100 a month just so they can eat.i am going to assume you are not a nigerian or else you would not have asked me about my hobbies. as for circumstsnces not making a man, i suggest you try living in nigeria for one year before u CAN SAFELY MAKE THAT QUOTE.

    i live in mississippi and they dont have a lot of africans here. my church activities is limited to sunday service. so i had no friends, finally God provided for me by giving me a son.my husband is anti-social, he told me that when we were chatting but i thought i could get him to hang out more but he is just not the type.
    i came to the realization that we dont have much in common but i am here and i have to make the most of it.
    there was a lot of adjustment for me, a whole lot but for him there was no adjustment he only made room for me in his bedroom. he still wanted to live like a bachelor so it took a lot of patience on both sides for us to start making the marriage to work. few more adjustments and i think we will be fine, but its not easy.my son finally brought peace for me. i tell myself if i was married to a nigeria guy in nigeria i would not run off just because things are not going my way.
    but my story is nothing compared to others espeacially the nigerian guys married to americans.each marriage is different and the way u solve problems in ur marriage might not be used for same problem in another marriage, always put urself in the other spouses shoes and know how u will feel in a foreign country with no friends, no job, no company and no family. its hard and if you are not understanding can lead to a lot of problems. at one time our conversation will be like, {after everything i did for you, bringing you from nigeria to come and live here, do u know how much that cost. are you aware i spent up to $10,000 just for the process of bringing u here} and my reply will be [ if you keep throwing that at me that i better start making payments every month]

    Edited by MrsJibowu, 03 January 2008 - 07:29 PM.

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 19:27:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    QUOTE (ebonyqueen @ Jan 3 2008, 05:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    Idocare:


    The last point to be made is one thats been said over and over again. Give ur pain to God. Let him heal u thru his grace. Forgive those who have hurt u, and God shall cleanse your soul. This doesnt mean forget your pain...but learn from it. And when u do the right thing in Gods eyes, he will be the one who brings judgement to the evil.


    Good Luck in your quest for peace. God Bless you


    AMEN
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 17:21:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    Yes, but didn’t you say your husband visited hospitals with his pastor? His priority is not having nice clothing and chatting online. Omoba is your husband fruitful with his time?
    You can be in the poorest world and still be fruitful.

    I would be doing what ever it took to help my community by the means I had. I would be rebuilding or clearing up areas that were devestated. I wouldnt be dressed up online chatting with american people.



    QUOTE (Omoba @ Jan 3 2008, 01:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    Nigeria is different than Sierra Leone.
    Sierra Leone is the poorest country on earth by UN statistics.
    The brutal war raged for 11 years and was only declared over a few years ago. Most of his family was killed.
    The infra structure is almost non existent.
    Electricity is on for a few hours a day and then out for days and in many towns there is none.

    My fiance worked for 7 years as telecommunication operator for the UNHCR, surrounded by refugee camps.
    Now that the war is over the UNHCR has closed their offices and he is unemployed.
    There are no jobs. No, he is not in cafe's and no he does not spend money on fine close and eats once or twice a day if he is blessed to have food.
    It takes me to dial 20-30 times to get through to crappy phone lines so we can talk for a few minutes before the lines crash again.

    Yes, I will stand by him because he is without employment, of course I do.

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 13:19:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    [quote name='chinelo' date='Jan 3 2008, 01:03 AM' post='1457605']
    i did not have a job and had nothing else to do except to go to the cafe and chat with him for hours.
    [quote/]

    Can you please explain for me how you afford to be in the cafe for hours without a job? What did you do with your time when you were not in the cafe? What hobbies did you have?

    I am asking these questions to understand how people can afford to be in the cafe when they do not have a job and family that might not be able to have necessities like hygiene products or their neighbor might not have food.

    [quote name='chinelo' date='Jan 3 2008, 01:03 AM' post='1457605']

    Nigeria is not America, you will always see a way to get by, to eat, to dress well without having a job. But we are not lazy people.
    [quote/]

    I understand the food part, because if one family member has food the whole family has food until there is now more. No one is left out because of rationing. Everyone eats or no one eats. What I would like to understand is how do you dress well without having a job? I just feel if your priority is to dress well despite the fact that you do not have a job, then your priorities are messed up.

    I guess this is where my confusion comes into play regarding meeting men online chatting that have time to create my spaces and yahoo accounts & profiles, but cannot find a job. How come my brother in law has two jobs? My sister in law has a job along with her husband? Every friend I was introduced to in Lagos had jobs. They are not rich by any means, but they work.


    I guess this comes down to determining someone’s character and priorities. I am going to say it again.



    No matter where you go... There you are!



    Circumstances do not make a man… they reveal him.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 08:13:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    Ouch, I should have said... "how come some women" I hate to generalize or be generalized. *wink


    QUOTE (MrsJibowu @ Jan 3 2008, 06:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I had another thought. How come women on here think it is OK to date someone without a job from a third world country, but would never consider dating someone in America that doesn't have a job?

    If you met a guy on line that says he peddled soda on the streets in Lagos? Or does it sound more glamorous to go with the fact that it is difficult to get a job in that country.

    Yes it is difficult to get a job, but it can be done. there is a work shortage, but it can be done. You might not get a lot but it is some sort of income.
    When I was staying at the hotel Sheraton at both Abuja and Lagos there were tons of jobs. There was a tennis table coach we got for our son. People who worked in the gym, restaurants, security, domestics, and front desk. All along the road there are stands of people selling things. There were guys in trucks doing contruction and on motor cycles carring people around. If your man was fruitful with his time he will be fruitful with his time in America. If he states he did nothing, because there were not any jobs he will feel the same way in America. I cannot say it enough...

    NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO... THERE YOU ARE!

    CIRCUMSTANCE DO NOT MAKE A MAN... THEY REVEAL HIM

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 07:52:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    I had another thought. How come women on here think it is OK to date someone without a job from a third world country, but would never consider dating someone in America that doesn't have a job?

    If you met a guy on line that says he peddled soda on the streets in Lagos? Or does it sound more glamorous to go with the fact that it is difficult to get a job in that country.

    Yes it is difficult to get a job, but it can be done. there is a work shortage, but it can be done. You might not get a lot but it is some sort of income.
    When I was staying at the hotel Sheraton at both Abuja and Lagos there were tons of jobs. There was a tennis table coach we got for our son. People who worked in the gym, restaurants, security, domestics, and front desk. All along the road there are stands of people selling things. There were guys in trucks doing contruction and on motor cycles carring people around. If your man was fruitful with his time he will be fruitful with his time in America. If he states he did nothing, because there were not any jobs he will feel the same way in America. I cannot say it enough...

    NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO... THERE YOU ARE!

    CIRCUMSTANCE DO NOT MAKE A MAN... THEY REVEAL HIM

    Edited by MrsJibowu, 03 January 2008 - 06:20 AM.

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 06:19:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    QUOTE (chinelo @ Jan 3 2008, 01:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    BTW mrs jibowu there is huge unemployment in Nigeria and not everybody is cut out to sell cards on the street. Nigeria is not America, you will always see a way to get by, to eat, to dress well without having a job. but we are not lazy people.


    I never once said Nigerian as a culture or country were lazy people. I cannot even figure out how you derived that statement out of my posting. As a matter a fact, I stated that all my friends and people I met had JOBS. Then I went to point out that there are lots of different types of work one can do to contribute and support their family and themselves.

    I can run around my town looking for a job stating that there are just no jobs out there while I drive by the McDonald sign stating that they are hiring. God has given us all gifts to contribute to our community and family. It might not be financial, you might be the seamstress of the family or the cook that bakes extra for trade or money.
    If they are not cut out to sell items on the street then they find something that they are cut out for. Are they volunteering their time at churches and schools. God reward all that are fruitful with their time.




    QUOTE (chinelo @ Jan 3 2008, 01:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    i have talked to so many Nigerian guys that met there spouse on line and its a real big adjustment for them. most of them might come here for the green card but at the same time they want the marriage to work. the difficulty is the first one year of unemployment and adjusting to the new country. Nigerian men are not really used to be kept by a woman. the wife will have to provide for them till they can get a job and gradually there frustration will start affecting the relationship.


    I am not talking about the legitimate situations of men and women falling in love. I am talking about specific people that are contacted out of the attempt to be manipulated and conned by someone trying to achieve the American dream. They are legitimate relationships on here from around the world. But I have come across 5 1/2 (i had another women contact me with another story since the last posting) women on here that can attest to the fact that their SO turned from night and day. That once the ink was dry they didn't care what their petitioner thought of them. There was not a hint of appreciation for all the money their petitioner spent for them to come here and sent to them while they waited for the process.

    QUOTE (chinelo @ Jan 3 2008, 01:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    And if you stayed in Nigeria, u will find out they are never alone, they always have there family around them. America is really a lonely place.


    My husbands family do not live in visiting distances. But his parents are getting older so I am afraid he will not be able to see one of them again before they pass. I am happy to say he has a brother here in America. Although what I am concerned about is that he spends a lot of time with his church and other churches. Our church only has service once a week. We didn't even have a service for New Years. There is a great sense of community and Culture in Nigeria that can be reinvented or recreated with effort & time here in America.

    QUOTE (chinelo @ Jan 3 2008, 01:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    my first one year here was terrible. i nearly gave up but i am not a quitter so i struck it out but for guys it might be difficult so make it work.
    got to go baby is crying


    America can be a cold and unwelcoming place unlike Nigeria. How long has your husband been here? How involved in your community and church are you and your SO? You should find a place to volunteer your time a few nights a week. That is a great way to meet people and build skills while you are in the U.S. Good luck. You have lots of support here on VJ

    Edited by MrsJibowu, 03 January 2008 - 06:07 AM.

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-03 06:02:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    I had an epiphany last night. I was way too tired to come back to post, but here I am first thing this morning. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. I love to fill people with motivation, love, and joy, but I also want to protect my friends and family.

    I have already heard 4 1/2 stories from 2005 of regret in just the African Sub Sarah region that SO's are Nigerian. I have only com across 3 stories of success thus far. I want to assume we have not heard the rest because they are busy being in love and not embarrassed and depressed to come here to share their stories.

    Reality Check 1. All of us that claim we know our SO and family have to realize that so did these other 4 1/2 women who feel they were scammed, manipulated, and lied too.

    Reality Check 2. People do desperate things in desperate situations.

    Reality Check 3. I would say that at least (if not more considering we do not know the real % of scammed situations) 3 of the Sub Sahara region relationships are a farce.

    Please, please, please, please, if you have any doubt slow down your process and reevaluate your situation. My friend who lives in America owns several Internet cafés in Nigeria. We used to laugh about how many men would profess their love to me after the second email. They are not cheap to be in for people who are not working. If your SO has a big family, doesn't work, spends time in the Internet café and dresses nice there is a problem with that situation. If you have questioned anything that has been said or done, you are in doubt.

    If your last relationship in America or on line was with someone who ended up disappointing you and you did not grow and change drastically from the experience emotionally or spiritually chances are you are in the same situation. We can not blame the individual that is praying on you if you keep going out there and attracting them. I have been there, happily learned the errors of my ways. I let god into my life. This doesn't mean that god doesn't have more for me to learn, but I am ready.

    If anyone moves forward despite your intuition speaking to your heart and soul, then at least if something goes wrong in the end one will be prepared.

    I want everyone to walk this journey in faith. If you do not feel the faith, then you are not ready for this type of journey. Every person I met in Nigeria had jobs. One managed the bus's for the church my husband worked at. His wife worked for a photocopy business. My friends brother managed his INTERNET café. His mother did laundry despite the fact that she had an American son to take care of her. There was the videographer at our wedding and the photographer. This was a little girl outside the marriage ceremony selling candy. There was security at our hotel, cleaners, pool boy, waiters and buss boys. I seen boys walking the streets with drinks, phone cards, and other goods for sale. the seamstresses that made our wedding attire and a different one who made my son's beach outfits They are all doing what they need to do to make money. My friends 12 year old daughter did hair in her community to make money. God provides a way, if you want it.

    I hate to hit submit, but I was not even thinking about this topic when I had the epiphany. I just came to me so i feel it is meant to be said. I post this out of compassion and concern for women who are compassionate, loving, helping and caring individuals who want to save the world. LOL That is me. Sometimes it is hard to think that someone would be so cruel after we have paid for them to come to America, sent them and their family money, but we have women here who it has happened to so be carefull.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2007-12-30 08:26:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    I think it is wonderful that you were able to experience this with you parents. I feel blessed that my son was able to travel with me. He loved the travel and the people we met.

    QUOTE (Queen Jenn @ Dec 29 2007, 12:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    QUOTE (akinstacey @ Dec 29 2007, 09:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    Thank you for your reply. He has all the qualities in a man that I've been looking for. He is not a lazy man, he's educated, his family and community praise him. Everything he told me about himself, I saw first hand when I went there. He does not work. He said that finding work is difficult. But in order to keep himself busy and as to not let his parents think he's lazy, he involved himself with Rugby several years ago. He is now the team manager. I was so proud when I went there and was able to watch him on the pitch at the stadium in Lagos. Because he does not work, I have become somewhat financially involved. Not that he's ever asked me to send money. Tho I have for birthdays, christmas, or just to help him along. But its only been $100 here and there. However, when I went there, it was at my own expense. I suffer the burden of the phone calls. I'm paying all the fees for the petition, etc. And most likely I will be the one who buys the ticket for him to come. He's very grateful and has always promised to make this all up to me. I could honestly say that I completely trust him. But it just scares me becuase I bet every one of those women that got fooled, probably at one time said the same thing. smile.gif


    I know exactly how you feel. My man is not here yet, but there were MANY who were willing to tell me all the negative things about Nigeria - specifically Nigerian Men. And, especially because I met him on the internet, people were quick to tell me that it's probably a scam.

    However, my parents and I met him in Africa last month. He was EVERYTHING I thought he was, even more. He's everything I want in a man and he's even better than I thought he would be.

    It's true that it is difficult to find work in Nigeria. I think you and I are in a quite similar situation. He's never asked me to send money, although I have because I wanted to. I suffer the burden of the phone calls as well. It's cheaper for me to call him, so I pay for all of the phone calls. I'm paying all of the fees for the petition as well. I will be purchasing his plane ticket when he comes. And, of course, he won't be able to work until he has the green card, so I will be supporting him until that comes through.

    But, like you, I can honestly say that I COMPLETELY trust him. And you know your man better than anyone else. You have to be able to put those negative things that you hear aside and put trust in your relationship. No relationship will work without trust and if you let the negative things that people say bring you down, your relationship will suffer. You will BOTH have to learn to let it go when people say rude, negative and insensitive things. Because people WILL. There will always be someone. If they aren't saying negative things about Nigeria and Nigerians, there will be people who may say things because you are of different races. Just let it go. They DON'T know you, they DON'T know him, and they know NOTHING about your relationship.

    If there are truly no red flags and you love him and he loves you - DON'T LET FEAR STOP YOU FROM HAVING THIS WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP.

    And if you're ever having a rough time, feel free to pm me!!

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2007-12-29 20:30:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanAre there any successful LONGTERM marriages?
    There are successful and regretful experiences here on VJ. Life is a risk! Meeting this gentleman on line is no risky then meeting someone in the USA. Does he have all the qualities you look for in a man? He work hard, value his friends, family, and community. He is respectful to you and people around him.
    What if the benefit is the Green Card, what do you have to loose? Are you committed financially? The financial aspect is usually the difficult part to overcome, if you determine the situation was intentional. I spent two years in a relationship I knew was doomed after one month. I learned from the situation and grew emotionally and spiritually from the situation. Lie is a journey without any guaranteed outcome. As long as you are enjoying the journey and it is purpose driven stay on the ride.

    Good bless you in your journey. pray for guidance it will be there.

    QUOTE (akinstacey @ Dec 28 2007, 06:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I am currently going thru this K-1 process with my fiance. He is Nigerian, I am American. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US and they all cautioned me when I told them that I met my fiance online. I actually saw his profile on a site that THEY were on at my house. I emailed him first and asked to get to know him better. I've been to Nigeria, stayed in the home with him and his very large family. They all seem very genuine and I feel like I know this man very well. We've been talking online/on the phone for a year and a half. We are very close to him getting his interview. I've been cautioned by all my friends, and read all the negative things about Nigerians online. Is it possible that not ALL of them are just seeking a Green Card? I'm fairly new to this site and I'm hoping it will have some answers for me. Is there ANYONE that could tell me a successful story of their marriage to a Nigerian?? (past the 2 year mark). Thanks.

    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2007-12-29 08:10:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanK1 Visa ... anyone got an idea what I need to get done?
    QUOTE (Timax Detty @ Dec 28 2007, 01:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    If I dont get married ... can I go through the K1 Visa?



    Does your SO live in TX?
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-07 18:11:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanResponse from Lagos
    Think it is a good response GOD will make it great! Think it a negative response the devil will relish with joy!

    Congratulations on some sort of contact with the embassy. Just having the embassy acknowledge you exist is always a start. good.gif
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-07 14:10:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving African male - Off Topic (Split thread)
    Yes that is me! All over visajourney spreading negativity and bringing people down. That is my goal in life. I live for it. What would life be without me brining to light reality. Reality always scares people. Makes them want to attack others who do not conform.

    Ignorant people like me out to put people in my narrow minded reality.

    Things I pointed out about the website were true. You did not have to agree with the fact, but they were. Maybe I am touchy about his arrogant demeanor and grotesque display of material objects, because he reminded me of some scandalous men in NY who claim their riches are from being CEO's.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-09 18:40:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving African male - Off Topic (Split thread)
    QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Jan 9 2008, 04:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    Or perhaps I should ask, did you have a goal or intention in mind when you posted? I hope that this cleared up the intentions of my response to your post.


    Yes, how shocked I was that at how embellished his website was. False claims. I deciphered what I found deceptive regarding his claims.

    Gee I posted a comment in the other post regarding a book she recommended, I posted my comment and opinion. I was not attcked there. Oh maybe because I agreed.

    I will remember next time if I do not agree with your comments I will not post in your forum or a forum you post in.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-09 17:54:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving African male - Off Topic (Split thread)
    QUOTE (HakeemConstance @ Jan 9 2008, 03:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    I thought the subject was about the book by Pete Agbo, not character assassination. Read the book, give your insight. Not why you won't purchase the book.

    Is this the right post? If not, I am sorry. If so, let's discuss the book, his directions for American women, etc.

    If it don't fit don't force it.


    Yes, you should get back to the book. Enjoy!
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-09 15:56:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving African male - Off Topic (Split thread)
    Diamonds...
    I do not think a single African should wear a diamond that was purchased in the US. Thousands have died, been crippled, and left homeless over diamond trade in West Africa. Just like oil, their community is not better for the riches their land bears.

    How can he sit there with that diamond necklace around his neck.

    Oh wait here come the vehemence. My first post did not, but as you make think deeper out comes my passion for humanity. I will never support people who do not support their community and their people.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-09 15:53:00
    Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving African male - Off Topic (Split thread)
    QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Jan 9 2008, 03:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
    You appear to be passing judgement superficially since you haven't read the book and you haven't cited any reviews of the book either. If you are choosing not to read the book just on the face of it for personal reasons that's obviously fine. It's a free world. But why share it with such vehemance? Remember that Jesus wasn't "qualified" for his job either....but people think he did a decent job.


    I am explaining why I am not going to get the book and my opinion of the author’s appearance and site which lead me to that conclusion. I did not say the book was bad or good? Vehemence? When did sharing a perspective become termed as "vehemence". Please elaborate? I do not have intense feelings for my perspective. I am not forcing my opinions on you. I am not trying to influence anyone with my opinion. I did not address one person in my opinion or on their opinions.

    I take my perspective as just that.



    I have a right to my opinion, from perspective, from reality.

    I am not where I need to be, but I thank GOD I am not where I was.
    		Enlighten one :)FemaleNigeria2008-01-09 15:41:00