ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Africa: Sub-SaharanBeing real about marriage!!!
After many interruptions from my son. 2-hours later I'm caught up on this issue. All I can say is well done folks.
Many will profit from your realities and honesty.

3 things that I dislike in a relationship is:

1) Not being honest
2)A man that's not willing to go down where the juices flow.....lol
3)wow can't think of a third one I feel the first one covers all the rest.
idocareFemaleNigeria2007-12-22 04:42:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanBeing real about marriage!!!
QUOTE (onwa @ Dec 19 2007, 09:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (BESANGIN @ Dec 19 2007, 04:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (HakeemConstance @ Dec 19 2007, 07:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Besangin again you had me in tears. Hilarious but real. Nothing like a glass of wine and Besangin post. What a night?

Happy Holidays Everyone.




Girl you know I'm tellin' the truth, and folks may hate on me but they know I'm tellin' the truth too! Even about the DING DING!!!! OOOOOOO It's getting HOT in here!!!!!!! devil.gif devil.gif whistling.gif devil.gif innocent.gif

Did -I- say- that?










LOVES ME SOME T.D. JAKES................THANKS
idocareFemaleNigeria2007-12-20 14:55:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWHATS BEST TO SAY MET ONLINE OR INTRODUCE
KDor,

I know your so in love now and have a feelin of belonging and that it's you and your husband against immigration/ Lagos embassey. Please understand, that if your husband see that your willing to lie for his entrance into the U.S. He will love you soooooo much for that, but then if your husband decides that he wants to leave you ( if your marriage turns out to be a green card marriage) he will have the fact that you and he lied, and he can start telling you things like "You lied on a legal document, I didn't sign that document and tell you that if you don't let him divorce you that he'd make sure he expose your illegal behavior before he leaves this country.

When I was there in Nigeria I had a good time also; the people were nice, however Nigerians will try to outsmart/scam each other; that I got from my ex-husband who turned out to be a green card scammer. he told me how Nigerians can be good con men. My ex was a medical doctor there in Lagos, and he still scammed me then tried to turn it all around and say that I was abrusive towards him. He told bold obvious lies concerning me, and didn't care. He became very emotionally/verbally abrusive towards me ; But all thru the process he was all in love and talked about how we will never divorce and this and that. He pretty much said the things a women in love would want to hear. His family supported him in his qwest to get to America. However while I was in Nigeria his family was very supportive of me too. So it appeared.

Lastly, I'll just say this; you know your husband; and I'm sure that you miss the heck out of him, but let me tell you one thing, your perception on Nigeria is that way because you were protected the whole time you were there, I susgest that you do some reading up on Nigeria!!!

I hope that you and your hubbie can reunite and live as a couple soon and all the best to you.

Edited by idocare, 15 October 2009 - 09:07 PM.

idocareFemaleNigeria2009-10-15 21:04:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanThank God My Hubby is Home
Congrats to the both of you; I can still remember how elated I was when my ex. ( greencard seeker) husband got approved. I too was outside for his interview and they asked him to bring me in and I did join his interview. That was in 2004 maybe they're doing things differently now; but I suspect they would of liked to meet you.

Who knows; well congrats anyway, you can now turn the page on your journey.

Edited by idocare, 04 December 2009 - 07:08 AM.

idocareFemaleNigeria2009-12-04 07:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanThank God! Visa approved in Lagos.
Congrats on your approval. I was soooooo happy just as u are.
idocareFemaleNigeria2009-12-18 23:31:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWhere to pay visa fee
LOL.........you kinda remind me of how I was when my ex-husband was going thru the visa process........ Just relax and let your fiance/husband handle his business from his end; he's a big boy and I'm sure he knows how to ask for direction or read it off the computer. Remember he was making his own way before he met you, I know I know your probably saying easier said then done.......................LOL
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-02 00:41:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOur Journey is Complete
Congrats on your journey thus far !!!
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-04 13:03:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHelp! Help!! Help!!! K-1 Visa Denied
Even tho you lied on your K-1 petition, it's not the end of the world for you and him. You can always go there and live with him and sacrafice for him all the things that he was gonna leave behind when coming into America.

If being with your husband is most important, then go to him with a quickness, heck maybe you can even apply for his visa while your living there with him.

I hope this helps.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-11 04:39:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's SAD
Whibey,

Think hard and long, then try removing yourself out of your situation and think of what advice you'd give to another that in that situation.

I have been to Whibey Island many years ago; I only went to the military base there but it seemed like a nice place. Now that he's here it's a problem living there for him.
You typed that he said it's not a problem living there when he was in his Country he just wanted to be with you. He has that now.


I have met many Alien women who would leave America for only some months to get away from their former spouse; then they come back to America but to a different State and start their lives without the sponsor.

I hope that other parts of your relationship is intact and solid. All the best to you both.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-12 16:48:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanThe saddest day of my life!!!
So sorry to hear that your fiance was denied a visa. The good thing is that you can now go and live with him in his country. He was willing to come here for love, so can't you also do the same? If being together is the most important thing, then you do have a way to be together.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-02 00:21:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanThe saddest day of my life!!!

It comes with great saddness today to announce that my fiancee was denied the visa in Nigeria. Im really upset right now but according to my fiancee he said that the consular officer denied him the visa because I didnt meet his parents and he didnt meet mine. I dont know what to do? How can I request a second interview? She said its for immigration purposes. Buts its not true. He answered all the questions correctly. Well let me continue crying. I need all your help right now.


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-02 00:16:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa denied

Mature adults dont take things so personal. The OP fiancee k1 visa was denied. Your husband visa was not denied. Again what does your story have to do with her fiancee's denial? Absolutely nothing. You see the more you respond the more ridiculous you sound. No one is responding or agreeing with your post. Your postings are baseless and has no merit. Key word to the Subject: Visa Denied, not Visa scam. So if anyone needs more proof reading it should be you.





Please reframe from calling me ridiculous!!! I can see u now sitting there in front of your pc thinking you have all the right answers . Your need for wanting to control others postings is way over the top. Your fiance isn't here yet, although your igbo; your American born,( from what I gather ) I don't wish any bad events on your journey; you really need to get off me because even you stand a chance at being used for a greencard. They have people who police these boards so you don't have too. Please relax and control what YOU type on here,worry less about me and what I choose too type. You can't control me!! Who knows one day you might need some advice from me.

I have nothing but love for you; can you learn how too respect others? I truly hope you can.
I wil no longer be answering your typings even if you continue to bash me; that wiil be your choice and that's the only thing that you have control of on here is what you type.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-15 07:26:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa denied

When people meet someone new there is a period of excitement. As you study each other more the excitement wears down and life sets in. Some people are very good at putting on a show that hides their real personality. Some people jump into a relationship crouch first and fail to see anything other than the sweet lies that caused them to make that leap. When you marry someone you have to leap with your head not your crouch. You need to know that person, their ways, their family. It is Nigerian custom to investigate a potential mates family before committing to marriage. They actually hire a private investigator and let them dig through records ( such as they are ) I doubt many of the woman that got "taken" by their spouse did much in the way of due diligence before their leap into marriage. Using the internet to find a life partner is kind of like wandering into a bar in Vegas with a blank marriage license in hand. Some are not going to look at the gamble they are taking and just let hormones take over . then look for someone to blame when they wake up with a stranger. Don't let them get you down. I had the same crowd all over me when I had a denial and one witch who was so proud of her perfect relationship is now among those sleeping alone. Hold your head up high and gather the information that helps you though this the rest is just trash talk.









I know pretty much none of us Americans think to really investigate the men we meet. Who has the resourse's to really dig deep and really get to know them, that was a lesson learned for me. We go into it believeing in the man and his words that he so eloquently speaks to us. It's really hard to investigate a man that lives that far away, even when you go to visit that person will make sure your around people that will support him and not let you find out too many things. I think I've only heard of one person on here that said that she hired a private investigator to find out about her fiance. I agree with you concerning this internet meeting, dating stuff.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-13 01:11:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa denied
I didn't know that you only wanted to hear from those that post uplifting words for you. If that's what you wanted maybe you should of mentioned that. I can only post my experience and hope that you will constructively take from it what you can, or ignore it if you feel that you can't benefit from it.

Being that it's not your forum I can pretty much post here as long as I attend to the TOS, remember, your not the only one reading in here, I may of helped someone, my post aren't just for your eyes only it's an open forum so please proof read that.

Edited by idocare, 13 January 2010 - 01:04 AM.

idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-13 01:03:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa denied
Nobody posting or reading your post in this public forum can predict your outcome. I'd never try too, however when you do post be prepared for people to also post on your topic. Weither it be 3 Angry men, Mary that had a little lamb or a woman that's trying to help.

The petition has been denied; I don't think the Embassey can look at your husband and just deny him without just cause. Sometimes people won't say what you want to hear only!!! I really am trying to support you by making you aware of another side to this journey, now if you choose to be upset and stuff, that's your cross to bear.

All the best to your situation!!!
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-12 17:15:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa denied
Joej,

A big congrats to you and your hubby !!! I wondered where you had been . Very nice to hear that all is well with you!!!


Momov,


As you can see I have been around for some time now and to be honest with you I'm not half as bad as I was about sharing mines and others stories. All that I wrote didn't happen to me; but I also mixed in what others have told me concerning their green card opportunist. However, I did get used and I ain't to shame to share my story.

I don't expect you to understand right now; you haven't experienced what I've and many others have experienced. Over the years many many Nigerians have come onto this site and wrote things like " From the day many Nigerians step off the plane into America they already know the day that they will leave their marriage" This particular fellow is Nigerian, and his comment was towards an American girl, there have been many Nigerians both male and female that have made comments that were received just like you choose to receive what I wrote. So again your response doesen't surprise me.

For people that have been denied I do type and ask them why don't they go and live there with there loved one; isn't that better then living apart and letting immigration determine when you all could be together ? After all your asking them to leave everything that they're familiar with ( Their Country ). So I susgest to many if they get denied and want to be with that person why don't they. Why don't they do what they wanted the Alien to do. Why does it gotta be America? I don't see that as being negative advice and I sorry that you do.


You may think of me as being angry; and to a point your right. But I'm moreso offended at all the bullcrap that he took my family and I thru while trying to end the marriage. My ex-husband called my job and told them all kinds of lies about me in an attempt I guess to get me fired, I will tell you there are no limits too what an alien will do when they want to leave with there greencard intact. unbeknown to you; you become their worst enemy and they fight to win!!!

Finally, I understand everyone is gonna do what they want to do when it comes to the matters of the heart. I like to share a piece of my story with everyone so if someone is currently going thru something and don't quite understand why they and their mate can't seem to get on the same page, that answer could be that he doesen't want to be on the same page with them and is infact lookin foward to you putting them out so they can run to immigration and tell them how evil and wicked that American person was towards them. Again, I know you don't understand and at this point I don't expect you too. However I don't thrive on people getting hurt; my motivation is too help people see that their may be another motive into their marriage that there too blinded by love to see. And Oh, by the way, I was a perfect size 9 when I was with my hubbie, but I could of been a size 26, either way it wouldn't of mattered to him. If I offended you in any way I'm sorry but I'm just typing the truth as I know it and as it's been told to me by many others that journey ended in divorce.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-11 23:22:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa denied
Not so fast yah'll !! Let's admit it. She barely knows who this man is that professing he loves her. One visit for 2-weeks and she sold on marriage. I know because I did something similiar; but I went to see my green card opportunist twice there in his home country Nigeria......LOL

The truth of the matter is that you really don't know this man; but you do hear and understand the word that he's saying to you which is that he loves you so-so much. Now your blinded by his words because you lone to have someone that loves you.

My ex husband professed that he loved me so-so much also, he was convincing enough for me that I all the sudden lost the importance of letting him proof his love; I became his biggest sponsor sending money to Nigeria for him and this man was a doctor there, but none the less I just had to prove to him that I had his back and that in me he would find a very supportive woman.
Well Ha ha, to my dismay; this man took my money when I sent it let me run the show while he was still in Nigeria and once getting here I was still in charge until we married; that's when everything changed. He started being at odds with me in any situation he could, he became argumentitive, and just plain nasty towards me. He tried to say that my kids where trying to fight him and just all kinds of plain lies. It didn't matter to him that he was making things up tho; because in his mind all he needed from me was to get him into America.( Guess he felt his work credintials could carry him the rest of the way. )

There have been too many on here that have sponsored men on here only to have them cut up so so bad that you just want to be rid of them ( which by the way is there plott; to get you to ask them to leave so that can run to the homeless shelter and immigration and tell how you brought them here and kicked them out.
Please keep in mind that once there here and you put them out all they have to prove is that they married you in good faith. And by you putting them out and divorcing them kinda helps support what ever lie the choose to make up to secure their visa on there own without you.

You have to understand the history of Nigeria, they live to survive, they are constantly getting over on each other in that Country and wouldn't blink twice at using any American to get what they want ( A U.S. Greencard ) I liken my ex-husband to a farytale concerning a tortise; and you will see; whenever your husbands get caught in a lie they will laugh, I guess you have to hear the fairytale to totally understand me.

My ex-husband is still here in the state inspite of all the letters I wrote and proof I sent, he's somewhere slithering around in this country and totally neglects his own son, I imagine him working in the mental field somewhere in a little town trying to tap into the mind of the psych doc in order to gain more understanding of Americans. My husband was a real piece of work. He loved me so so much while he was there in Nigeria ( I now know it was all a lie. ) Then accused me of being abrusive towards him in spite all I had done to get him here and for him while he was here. He took and took and took, then he left all the while accusing me; the women that was so good to him of being abrusive.

The I-360 is something that all third world countries know about and they use it for directions just as they follow the directions on other immigration forms. Our laws as they stand now allows these third world parties to have a great atvantage on the American sponsor. American sponsors have lost their homes and jobs behind lies that their alien spouse's have accused them of.

Because lonely men and women can now use the internet it only helps these people in the third world countries with dreams of coming here to achieve their goals.

I challenge you to take a good look at yourself and your alien spouse, do you think that you'd be able to catch such a man here in you hometown ? For the people that have traveled over to Africa they seen first hand that African women are just like us here in America, they go to the beauty shops and alot of them are in shape they have their matching garments on and some are beautiful women. Just ask yourself why does he want me so bad. Please, be honest with yourself. I used to type in this room about meeting his real wife or girlfriend who came over while I was there but he introduced her to me as his friends girlfriend. I think she wanted to see me first hand to gauge me for herself as to if he would stay with me or leave me as planned........LOL

Do your homework read about when Nigeria was ruled by the Britts. Read what they had to say concerning that Country. Alot of information was not available online when I went thru the immigration process like it is now. There have been too many women and men that have brong people from the third world here to America only for them to purposely cause problems within the relationship so that they can flew that relationship once you have done everything the feel that they need you to do for them.

Buyer be ware!!!
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-01-11 04:20:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
Enlighten one,


When I call my ex. cell phone he still say " Thanks for calling and God Bless You" One thing Americans must
understand and can read about in Books written from British writers concerning Nigeria is that they looked
at Christian religion as a way to gain wealth, it didn't mean that they developed a real fear for God.

My ex. Mother is suspose to be this really religious Christian women and she called constantly from Nigeria
asking him
when he was gonna get a job or had he started working yet. " Guess that was what he was suspose to do
but once he found out I was pregnant he wanted to at least see his first son so he deviated from the original
plan. since our divore I count on my one hand the times this devout christian woman has called to check up
on Victor Obinna Ezike Jr. the first son of her first son. But while her first born son was here with me she
called and called. Now she isn't concerned about her grandson; who is also a first son produced from her son.
I'm sure she continues to call her son tho. I just say that God is not mocked, what so ever a man soweth, that
shall they also reap. Stay encouraged Enlightened one, I'm just glad that you are calling your relationship
exactly what it is and that your not trying to take the blame for him using you. Too many women do that, with
heavy assistance from their husbands.




My husband was a pure saint in my eyes. Christian that preached and new the bible inside and out. Always responded from love and not judgment. Someone like that could never lie for the American dream.

Well that is the farthest thing from the truth. There is a do what you can to get ahead mentality there. Sadly some people equate it with their culture. They will raise their hands to the sky to praise all mighty God with stolen jewerly on their wrist. I read this in an article written about the Nigerian culture. He spent many months embeded in their comunity while working for an oil company. Dont get me wrong he had some wonderful things to say too.

I still do not understand how my ex husband could do what he did despite what he knows about the bible. I feel sad that he didn't have enough faith in God's plan for him that he had to lie and manipulate.

I have one email from his brother to him written before we met in person. In one sentence he praised God for his daughters health. Then in the next sentence asked my husband what he has told me so that he doesn't contradict anything. He asked him...what did you tell her you did for work? Like why would two Christian men talk like this if they were living their lives as Christian. This also can be associated with a distain for American people. As I read many snippy remarks regarding American Woman in their Emails.

There are stark contrast in American and Nigerian culture around woman and men relaitionships. If you and your SO are agreeing on everything. Then he is just too darn agreable.




idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-26 02:51:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while

Well, I haven't logged on in a long while, and today I found myself lurking over here for a brief moment. I actually have my first day of rest in almost a year and a half, and so I thought it would be interesting to check and see what's going on these days. Idocare, I remember your story (your have persevered!) and how everyone used to attack you for speaking the truth. I do think that most people do not come back and share their stories, or they do so in the other forums. The reality is, and anyone who has ever spent considerable time in a so-called third world country will testify to this, that most people have NO IDEA what lengths people will go to to romance someone in Europe or America. The chat rooms are full of men doing just that...some even pay others to sit in the internet cafe all day to nurture that relationship. I have to say that I knew my husband's culture very well. I met him in his country. I spent time with his family, his friends...he was well-known in his country. Even if the family is good (and not in on the scam), it doesn't really help you because culturally, no one will come forward and say this guy is bad. It just rarely happens. People say they are good,even when they are suffering. I speak my husband's language well enough to navigate the country on my own. I was arrogant and thought that I couldn't get cheated because I have been around Senegalese people for decades. I think I am more assimilated into Senegalese culture than my husband is. At the end of the day, the immigration process doesn't allow us to really know them well enough to see many things prior to signing our lives away on the AOS. It's kind of a gamble (as is any relationship) of the highest degree. I don't think books or even knowing or reading about the culture will help you to see the scandals that may await you. People can pretend so well that you won't suspect a thing. For me personally, I am still unsure if I was used solely for a GC. I think my husband is not a good guy and has never had a responsible day in his life. He is a liar and a cheater. That has nothing to do with me. I was, however, used, while he had at least one relationship going (and many more conversations) since our child was a few months old. The conversations with other women took place a couple of weeks after that I know about, but I'm quite sure that he was cheating on me the entire time that I have known him. What is certain is that he had a plan. I don't know how many people knew what he was planning and he played his part well enough to fool every single person in my life. I think the best advice I can offer is to always ask yourself if you would date this person if they were in the U.S. and ask yourself if you would marry the person in the U.S. having known the person for the same amount of time/contact. Men can fool us anywhere, but for a person abroad, there is much more at stake than a relationship. I can be a future for their entire family. Most people you meet on the streets abroad don't have any real knowledge of life in the U.S. They think it is as they see it in movies. They think marriage to a U.S. citizen is a ticket to an easy life. If you are easy on the eyes, well, then even better! Certainly, having children with you makes for good evidence. My own husband was about to be denied his visa until they saw the ultrasound report of my pregnancy. If we keep those things in mind, we can make better decisions. Relationships will always be a gamble. This one, though, can be very, very costly to the USC once they have signed the AOS. THat's 10 years or MORE and divorce does not free you. I never thought that I would marry someone abroad (because of what I have seen both in Africa and here [greencard marriages in the states too!] ), but I did. Personally, I would never do it again. After this monster that I married, I'm pretty sure that I won't marry again at all. Having to deal with him for the rest of my life is painful punishment enough. That said, I'm sure that there are numerous happy endings. When I say happy endings, I mean 3-6 years out of the process. I think having a good understanding of the difficult adjustment process is also helpful. THe vets like Taurean are great about that. I think that we should celebrate the happiness!!! God knows we all put so much time and energy into the process. Let us be happy for those that are happy. Let us also tell the truth. Everyone has a right to share their story. Idocare, hugs to little Victor. Blessings to everyone on their journey!


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-26 02:24:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
I just want to thank your for taking the time to read this, no worries.






Wow, I am really sorry to hear about you journey. It made me quite sad reading it.


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-26 01:57:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
REESE,
I"t's nice hearing from you and I'm glad that your relationship is going well!!!!! Sorry for the so short message,
but it getting late here and I have to turn off this pc now and get some rest, I'll answer more when I can.





Its good to hear from you Idocare. I agree with what others have said, marrying someone (anyone- from the US or another country) is a journey of faith. The divorce rate in the US (and many other countries) is extremely high, it doesn't make sense to expect 100% of our visa journeys to turn out well. We should all be cautious when we choose a partner to share our home, family, life, and money.

As Enlighten One said, if you have a past filled with unhealthy relationships, but never examined why or worked on self improvement/being better able to determine who is and is not compatible with the type of life you are striving for...then its probably not the right time for a relationship (domestic or otherwise).

My hubby and I are happily married. But when we were dating and before we applied for his visa. I did a lot of thinking. I decided that I couldn't afford to risk more than I could loose. I thought about how I would feel if things didn't work out. I made peace with myself, that if it didn't work out, it didn't work out- that it wasn't because I was an American and he was from a 3rd world country. My husband was very content with his life in Ethiopia. He was confident in himself, his abilities, and he knew that he was more than what was in his bank account. Knowing that about him (I lived in Ethiopia and dated him there) gave me confidence about our relationship.

I think we all have to examine our individual situations and decide if its worth the risk. How will you feel or cope, if you are mistaken? There is no harm in taking more time to get to know someone, or spend more time with them.

Best of luck to everyone who is in the middle of the process or thinking about it. We also have members that check in to say how well things are going. : )


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-25 06:00:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
Yes enlightened one I'm kinda familiar with your story; your husband was a Preacher in Nigeria if I remember right
you and him prayed regularly sometimes together,( ACCORDING TO THE INFORMATION YOU PROVIDED ) and still he listened to the person coaching him on how to
leave "you" his wife instead of working on a cohesive marriage. I pray that your son isn't too damaged by the
events that are currently playing out in your life with your ex'husband. I hope that you heal soon if you already
haven't. ALL THE BEST TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.



Thank you IDOCARE for your story. As it is similar to mine. Lets keep the meomories going so we might stop just 1 person from making a mistake.

Over 50% of the relationships do not work out. They are a number of woman too embarassed to share their stories, but have done with me in private. Some who have been used for the US dream and then the relationship works out.

Read my story here.


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-25 05:12:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
Thanks for your reponse, and I truly wish you and yours all the best. I'm just committed to telling my story they
way it's playing out. Please don'[t feel sorry for me as I know God has my back as I didn't do nothing wrong to
this man.







Wow, I am really sorry to hear about you journey. It made me quite sad reading it.


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-25 04:59:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
CHEYEMO,

Thanks for your reponse, I'm hoping that all is well with you, your loved one and the overall journey. I can
still recall a Nigeria woman posting on this site that when a Nigeria man and women wish to marry the woman
family begins a very intense background check of her potential spouse, they check him/his family out throughly
in all ways that they can. We can't do that, being that Nigeria is common/normal for scams, we here in the USA
may try that by hiring an attorney in their Country that we never met, and they may be all about money and sell
out to the party paying the most, that's where they would have the upper hand, and pay that same person that
you hired more money to send you a satisfying report, then at the same time the person your bringing here will
already know that you tried to find information about him without him/her knowing.
Some person from Nigeria posted that story not me.

As for me; yes I'm still feeling the efects of being used; but I know that God will repay him, one way or the other
he still isn't a doctor here in the USA so I know all the hard work he must endure and taking orders from another
must really be wearing at him; because he's a very proud Nigeria man; a doctor in his homeland, he's not used
to taking orders he used to giving them.

I have a Nigerian son from him Victor Obinna Ezike Jr. he's a first son. I just caution you too do your homework
and try to meet his friends moreso then his family, because his family will have his back 99 percent of the time I
feel. This is just my personal oppinion that I choose to share with you. Thanks for responding and feel free to
contact me.







Idocare, that was extremely helpful for me and I hope cathartic for you. I admire your ability to share. I really hope my relationship works out for the best but I'm not naive and I know that you really can't put anything past a person. No one knows the heart except God. Be blessed sis.


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-25 04:55:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
Hello, sorry it took me so long too respond to your post. I'm elated to read that you want to know the books
I had read, first I want to say that back in 2003 they're wasen't alot of information online concerning Nigera and
nor testimony of peeps being dooped from third world countries seeking a visa thru romance. Actually this is the
quickest way for people to come into this country. I know you mentioned that you met your fiance thru a family
member. I just want to alert you to the fact that Alien family members here in the states have been seeking out
Americans to meet their brother/sister abroad for decades now. any American citizen requesting to bring a fiance
here into the state cuts off many years to them getting here; it also relieves the family member from sponsoring
them. Then, if a American person sponsors them they no longer have to pay a brides price to your family because
we don't practice that, so they come here almost free; all they have to do is show you a really good time while
your there in Nigeria or whatever third world country they may currently live in.

After my divorce I went to the library and read some old books written by a British author ( I think) these author
documented Nigeria when they were there and took over the Country. If you have time look back thru all
post that I have written and I posted the authors and name of the books where I retrieved my information.
It's already within my post for all to read, so I encourage you to look thru my old post and you will find the
information you requested. Thanks for responding and I wish you and yours; ALL THE BEST !!!











Hi
Yes many of the Sub Saharan marriages don't make it. Some are fraud and some the huge differences in culture. There are some that survive. Most people when they get here and through AOS drop off VJ. The ones that return are often the ones that have had issues. You are correct about knowing the culture and family. I am one of the oddballs, we didn't met by the internet, we were introduced by a family member. So far things have been ok, the biggest issues is he isn't a animal person and had trouble understanding how we are with animals ,even the birds I feed. Hopefully things will be the same as we progress. I have seen the drama of people getting here and know that so many marriages don't end well. It surprises me how quickly some couples jump into the immigration process, and it is not unexpected that these quickie romances die when they are played out in real life. I am not sure what people can do to screen their future spouse in 3rd world countries. There is no way to hire investigators and families can go to great lengths to help someone get a foothold in the US. I guess I agree with you about the advise to study the culture. What books did you find the most insightful ? Maybe we can start a recommended reading list.


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-25 04:18:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
Hello Visa Family,



I want to first welcome all the newbies and congratulate all the successful people that are now living with
their spouse here in the US; YOUR THE REASON THAT THEY'RE HERE; it takes alot too send a person
here from any Country let alone a third world Country. I filed a K-1 visa for my then fiance to come here.
The petition was succussful and he arrived into the U.S. in Sept. of 2004. My ex-husband told me that he
was a medical doctor when he found me on a website and I witnessed him taking care of patients twice
when I was in Nigeria. He worked 2-jobs, one in which he lived on site in a little room called Bob Specialist
Hospital then another place in which he only work a few hours; I lived @ Bob Specialist when I went to see
him both times and I traveled to the other location with him while I was there. We did take report from the
Physician he was taking over for. ( I'm also in the medical field so I knew all events to be true )
Fast foward to my last visit; someone knocks on the door of his studio apartment and he becomes really
upset, I didn't take a picture of her which I deeply regret now; but I felt the intensity of her presence he
was idmediately pissed for her being there, so I told him to please get her something to drink and welcom
her properly; so he did; all the while her presence told a story of a women that wanted to see what she
was up against; she had those eyes as if she she here to see me; she studied me intensely, my ex was
just pissed that she was present and did all he could do to here to leave ASAP once she did leave he
told me that it was his friends girlfriend. I didn't totally believe him but his word was all I had at the time.



My ex arrived in the states in Sept.2004, we get home and he is noticabally nervous. The few months went well
as he's learning his why around; getting out by himself walking to the library or anywhere he choice to go
( I worked the night shift so he had plenty of time to look around and go wherever he wanted ) for his day
I introduced him to our local Univerisity book store ( He needed books to study for the USMLE test so that
he could become a doctor here in the US and I was very supporting of him and got him all the books that
I was able to afford ( I was then a single Mother with 2-kids, my oldest was attending a University at the
time and graduated in the same year he arrived) ( I was the perfect target for him )


After my ex arrived and I sent in the adjustment of statis ( which he pressured me to send) he was nothing
like the man that I feel in love with; he became very argumentitive and a total a-hole. I became pregnant
within one month of him being here and he left our home when our son was just 3-weeks old; in July of 2005.
My ex. was the one that named him Victor Obinna Ezike Jr. He made sure that they wrote his name right for
the birth certificate ( his father is a first son and Jr. is his first son ) as Nigerian history has it a frist son is very
important to the Igbo tribe, but for my husband being free from me in America outweighed all that, my son
became a weapon of proof of him coming here for all the right reasons, this man hasen't had any contact with
his son since our divorce; but used him as a tool of evidence; he later wrote during our divorce that I trapped him
with a child because I thought I'd get a big check from him. I still have his letters where we talked about having
kids and he stated that he had to have a child and wanted me to give them to him. Ofcourse he was still in Nigeria
then; although Jr. is much younger then my other 2 grown kids I still think of him as a blessing from God; and I know
that God will take vengeance on his father as he sees fit. His father approached me on the internet.


American people both men a women don't understand how bad any person from a third world Country want to
come to the land of milk, honey and money!!! I am almost a decade older then my ex. I'm under educated
compared to him ( he was a medical doctor in Nigeria) and with my persistence and over cooperation he was
able to get approved; and many other Americans will get their spouse here due to their demanding persistence .



There were many that sponsered men from my ex Country Nigeria back in 2003-04 and there are few that can
say that they are still together. My ex. went as far as filing a VAWA against me and it was approved, the
Violence Against Women Act applies to men also, but what it does is allows the immigrant to apply for permanent
residence by himself, it shut out any information that the sponsor tries to send in ( it can't be used against his
quest for a VAWA ) so he is free to say whatever he wishes and it takes the sponsor totally out of the picture.
Due to the privacy act, immigration won't tell you anything concerning the person you sponsored no more. they
are now free to run your name in the mud, without you knowing what they said; so you have no way to defend
yourself or get your side of the story heard. ( But they can take into consideration all that you send then against
his filing for citizenship)

Being that my ex. was a medical doctor and seemed to be from a good home I never suspected that he'd be so evil
to pull a plot like this; but they way he went about his plot; I know that he was very well coached by someone that
knew about immigration law and the loopholes one being the current VAWA Act. It worked for him; so far he remains
here. But I know that nothing good will become of him or for him until he does me right because I believe in God word
to be true; " Revenge is mines, I will repay" I'm believeing Gods word to be true. To all that have went down the
same path that I did; relax in the fact that God has your back; nothing good will come to those that step on you for their
personal benefit. PLEASE BELIEVE THAT !!!

I feel that my visa journey is still ongoing and won't end until this man is brought to justice and removed from
this Country; until then I will continue to post from time to time and read from you all here on this site, Sub Saharan
as this was where my journey beginned back in 2003, thus I feel at home posting here and will continue to do so from
time to time until my journey is finished.

I want to congratulae all the people that have accomplished getting their loved one here and tell all the folks in review
to hang in there with an open eye; take this time to get to know your fiance much better by going and living with him if
you can, get to know his friends and family much better ( its hard to do when your not around them ) take time to read
up on the history of their Country, learn all that internet and your local library has to offer. Just educate yourself as
much as possible, then ask yourself if you['d be able to get this same person if they were already here in the US.

Finally to all my sisters and brothers that remember me from back in the day; I hope that your lives are filled with joy
and prosperity. Although I don't see many post from peeps that went thru the approval stage and actually gotten
their loved ones here around the year my ex came I just hope your doing okay; I know many of you found yourselves
in a situation similiar to mines but you found peace in getting that abrusive person out of your lives (we now know they
push us into wanting them to leave by doing/being wicked.) after the pain I hope that all of you were able to regain
your lives.

VJ is a wonderful site to gain friendships with people going thru what your presently experiencing, sometimes your
closest friends and family members just don't or won't understand, here on this site we all understand the power of
love, and the willingness to take a chance at finding a soulmate. I truly wish you all the best.
I'm out!!

Edited by idocare, 18 May 2010 - 04:46 AM.

idocareFemaleNigeria2010-05-18 04:42:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanI'm Next
Boaz,

Those scriptures you quoted came to mind for me as I first had to face my scammer husband walking out on me.
I like you had a small child to care for at the time of my ex-husband exit. Please remember that things work together for the good
and more importantly; that faith without works is dead!!!!

All the best to you and your daughter I'll be in touch.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-06-23 07:47:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanI'm Next

Boaz & Perseverance, I am praying for both of you and your families. I am shocked. We're here to help and support.


idocareFemaleNigeria2010-06-23 07:27:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband is over it
Opps you didn't say you all were put in AP, my bad.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-08-16 18:12:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband is over it
So u were just there last month and things were worked out between you and him, but now that your back in America he's telling you that he just wants to be friends? Well here's another point of view; maybe in his mind your marriage to him was based on you bringing him too America only. You love him and you have showed him that you do by spending all this money every 6-months going to see him. Has he helped you pay for any of your trips? How well did you know this fellow and his family before you married him? Did you have time to search and study his family history?


Actually if he's asking you to let him go maybe you should, and see if he comes back to you before you hear anything from immigration, that way you can save up some money that you'd probably be spending on phone calls, gifts etc. Give him time to think and take time yourself to evaluate your situation, because nobody knows your situation better then you, that's why it's hard for any of our advice to be taken to heart; unless you feel it applies.

Un fortunately there are Aliens out there that will marry anyone to make it to America, and the American spouse is the last to know that they've been used for a greencard. Could it be that your husband knows exactly why you all were denied and placed in Administration and no longer needs you? Is he the type to flip flop back and forth, do u think that his love for you is pure?

Is he still worth you continually flying there at your expense ? I know it's hard, but if you love him let him GO as he asks, take your money that you would of spent on his cause's and fly to Vegas for a girls weekend out or something; my thoughts to you is to let him go financially, Give him time to seek you out.
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-08-16 18:05:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease help
My dear friend, it's hard to properly asses this situation with the information you've presented. Did she bring this man to the U.S. ? Is she afraid to ask him about his wife/ex-wife that's already here in the U.S. Evidently she's already uncomfortable with becoming his wife; I don't understand why she would go thru with a marriage when she already has BIG question marks concerning him.

I heard from many Nigerians that it's easy to get any papers you want in Nigeria as long as you have the money to pay. Any Nigerian that marries a American citizen can get to America much sooner then waiting for their spouse's visa request. On the other hand if he already has been here for some time she should/needs to know if he's legally here in the U.S.

Many aliens come here on a school or work visa and overstay; when that happens the only way they can become legal is to marry and have their new spouse file papers in their behalf. The person must be an American ; Americans can get Aliens papers much quicker then a permanent resident . How well does she know this man?
idocareFemaleNigeria2010-09-04 01:06:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPls help Visa Interview slated for march
Sorry, I don't have any experience with this type of aplication, actually this was the first time I have heard of it, I hope you were able to get the information u needed.
idocareFemaleNigeria2011-02-15 23:25:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanClothing African style
The best thing to do would be to send someone you trust some funds to go and buy you some cloths, then send them your measurements and have them send you the finished cloths. Now -a-days; they make them fitting to your size so if you want them fitting, or loose it's your choice, your African spouse can help you being that he has the connections in Africa if your not comfortable asking them. Your spouse has many relatives there. Maybe he can ask one of his relatives for you.
idocareFemaleNigeria2011-02-16 00:10:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanAnalyze this! Please? My current situation

Thanks Munequita y osito,
I think ur correct on this. The overlap of marriage/divorce becoming final and engagement does complicate our situation. Thanks so much we've decided to get married and apply for CR1. We should have 3 or 4 visits under our belt by the time of his interview. Thanks again.






I would susgest that you slow down a moment. Some people see that you have already been used and look to see what they can get out of you. I susgest that you work hard on your job then take 3-months or more to spend quality time with your new flame. You will get a better feel of things the longer you spend there, heck If you could take leave and go there for an extended period of time, he should be able to take care of you, you seem like a giver, and some in Nigeria are pure takers, until they are finished using you. Take caution, with all money your spending traveling to Nigeria and I would advise you against sending your new flame one penny of your money.

Edited by idocare, 19 April 2011 - 06:36 PM.

idocareFemaleNigeria2011-04-19 18:35:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanAge Difference
' I'm older then my ex-husband. I just wanted to say that maybe you should really look at the age difference between you and him and ask yourself if you and him would hook up in the states if you had met him here. With my experience, I think that's the question u should be wondering about.


idocareFemaleNigeria2011-02-15 23:38:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanBooks/Novels about marrying abroad or married life to a foreign person?

One book that you can get for your fiance is "Culture Shock USA" from Amazon.com for under $10. There might be a culture shock Ghania - just search for it on Amazon.com



If you go to your local library I'm sure they have some historic information that will be a wealth of help for you too peep into their history, then dig around online.
idocareFemaleNigeria2012-03-21 12:53:00
Africa: Sub-Saharankamorass clinic outfoxed?!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the info.
idocareFemaleNigeria2012-03-21 12:57:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUSC not allowed inside the embassy in Lagos for spousal interview
Maybe things have changed some. My ex-husband didn't take my passport in, he just told the man interviewing him that I was waiting outside and they sent him outside to bring me in. I WENT IN ! They didn't quizz me long, I was so busy complaining to the man interviewing us about all the bullsh%t going on with having to buy a seat to sit and the security at the American part of the Embassey being really rude,etc.


There were a couple of girls that went to their fiance's interview in Lagos before me and they posted that they were also invited in after waiting outside for hours. I could be different now tho.
idocareFemaleNigeria2009-03-02 05:17:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUSC not allowed inside the embassy in Lagos for spousal interview
I attended my ex-husbands interview in Lagos. As far as waiting for your fiance outside you have an option of purchasing a seat. I decided that I wouldn't pay to sit down and ended up very tired of standing around. The seats fill up pretty quick and they keep a close tab on who has paid and who's trying to sit for free, so my advice would be to just go on and pay ( I think it was about 50 Naira back in 2004) Also they have a internet cafe towards the exit of the Embassey, they go around selling food and water so you don't have to worry about that eating.

Actually once my ex. got his interview and he informed them that I was outside waiting for him they asked him to go and get me, and then I was allowed in. They asked me a few questions and decided to approve my petition. But I think I waited outside about 5-hours if not more, just standing there looking for him to come out, along with lots of other people.

If you decide not to pay for a seat or go to the internet cafe; you could always go to the American side of the Embassey and ask them to let you go in just to sit down and wait for her, but then you chance missing her if they send her out to retrieve you. They deny so many people that some start coming out about 30-minutes after they go thru the gates for their interview.

Oh, one more thing, you may want to go early so that you can get a good position in line. We were actually turned away the day of our interview because we failed to secure a head position in that long line.They just told us and about 60 others to come back the next day; we did and we were very early......lol Tell your fiance to be prepared to fight for a place in line. It should all be fine..........Good Luck to you both !
idocareFemaleNigeria2009-03-01 05:03:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWhat's love got to do with it.
I encourage all of you that may of found love thru the internet or thru a friend and your spouse is overseas to be very critical of your relationship/fiance/marriage. I personally know of women and men who have married men/women and only seen them in person once for about 2-weeks or less. I can tell you that most of those people aren't married any more to these people.Do some research, spend some time in their culture being with them and their friends/ family before opening the door to citizenship to them in your culture. Take some time and read the old blogs on this site, all of this advice will help u make a sound decision on love and the visa attraction that you will provide them.
idocareFemaleNigeria2012-03-21 12:34:00