biggish data

QUOTE (Jengles @ Apr 30 2008, 02:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Trelawny20853 @ Apr 30 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well, here the airlines go once again... UNbelievable !!!

US Airways raised its fees for ticket changes by $50 (they’re now $150 for domestic fares and $250 for international fares), effective immediately. Elite frequent flyers won’t pay the fee if they’re simply changing dates and times of travel, but the fees will apply if the changes involve different itineraries.

I'm sure that all the airlines will follow suit !!!

WHAT!

Thanks for the INFO. I still can't get over paying $25/for the 2nd suitcase. First it was WEIGHT 70lbs to 50lbs....UNBELIEVABLE!

I'm going to buy a DAMN BOAT!

Boat, shoot girl...ya gonna row it? As you know with the price of gasoline!!! SUCKS !! Driving to my sons flippin soccer games this past Sat and Sun almost 2 hours away for each game....I have to fill up the tank almost 3x each week!!

It's only going to get worse. Not all the airlines are following suit with the baggage thing and those that are are waiting till May. The heavier the plane, the more fuel....and that's why they are trying to sticker shock everyone to packing heavier !!!

SOME airlines are now charging if you want your "preferred" seat....like US Airways and only Airtran (not booking with a travel agent) ..you gotta pay $5.00 !!

This industry is worse than our stock market !!

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Trelawny20853 @ Apr 30 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

WHAT!

Thanks for the INFO. I still can't get over paying $25/for the 2nd suitcase. First it was WEIGHT 70lbs to 50lbs....UNBELIEVABLE!

I'm going to buy a DAMN BOAT!

I meant to say ....packing lighter !!!

Oh and another one....only Spirit airlines (that that I know of right now)- ---so anyone traveling with an infant, please make sure you check the travel policies....domestically. Internationally they still have to pay for taxes, don't know if any of them (off hand) are charging on top of the taxes...

SPIRIT airlines ----One child over 7 days and under 24 months of age not occupying a seat, may be carried with a customer for a fee of $25 each way, effective May 1, 2008.

boy, can't belive, I didn't pay anything for the baby when we went to disney and i thought I had to pay the taxes, but i was told no only for international travel and that was on AA.

They are the only airline, so far, that is charging....and their effective date is listed above...

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-30 14:14:00

QUOTE (Jomo @ Apr 30 2008, 01:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What is that saying? You have to pay to take your child if you don't buy their own seat? OMFG.........Unreal!

Yep, isn't that crazy ??? and absolutely ridiculous !! I hope other airlines don't follow suit with this ridiculousness !!!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-30 12:25:00

QUOTE (sus @ Apr 30 2008, 01:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Deyoungting @ Apr 30 2008, 12:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-30 12:24:00

Here's a cool link that one of travel reps sent... for those that need transit info:

http://www.google.com/transit

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-30 11:54:00

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Trelawny20853 @ Apr 30 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

WHAT!

Thanks for the INFO. I still can't get over paying $25/for the 2nd suitcase. First it was WEIGHT 70lbs to 50lbs....UNBELIEVABLE!

I'm going to buy a DAMN BOAT!

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Trelawny20853 @ Apr 30 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

WHAT!

Thanks for the INFO. I still can't get over paying $25/for the 2nd suitcase. First it was WEIGHT 70lbs to 50lbs....UNBELIEVABLE!

I'm going to buy a DAMN BOAT!

I meant to say ....packing lighter !!!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-30 11:48:00

QUOTE (Trelawny20853 @ Apr 30 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

WHAT!

Thanks for the INFO. I still can't get over paying $25/for the 2nd suitcase. First it was WEIGHT 70lbs to 50lbs....UNBELIEVABLE!

I'm going to buy a DAMN BOAT!

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Trelawny20853 @ Apr 30 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Apr 30 2008, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

WHAT!

Thanks for the INFO. I still can't get over paying $25/for the 2nd suitcase. First it was WEIGHT 70lbs to 50lbs....UNBELIEVABLE!

I'm going to buy a DAMN BOAT!

I meant to say ....packing lighter !!!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-30 11:44:00

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-30 11:29:00

Oh...P.S.- here's the link for the Economic Stimulus checks Calendar...hopefully some of us woke up to a nice likkle gift in our bank accounts this mawning!

http://www.irs.gov/i...=180250,00.html
[/quote]

I'm a little confused as to when my darn stimulous payment will be received. My accountant put Craig's name 1st (because I'm not changing my name), my bank account information where the direct deposit is supposed to go, his SS number comes after mine...his - 59 and mine - 00. I haven't received anything in my bank yet. If I'm reading this correctly, will I get mine on May 2nd or 9th? OR earlier ??

Another question.......I have clients going on a Carnival Cruise and stopping in Ocho Rios. It's been 10 yrs since I've been over to those parts and they are interested in taking an excursion to Bamboo Beach club. Anyone been there, recently? Can anyone give me some tidbits of info?

THANKS for any help with my questions.

Kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-29 08:02:00

QUOTE (Deyoungting @ Apr 25 2008, 12:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mawning Family...(or Afternoon at this point

),

JG,

I am sorry to hear about your Aunt...your Fam are in my prayers.

Quanie...have a safe trip...enjoy!

Sus-ie...6:45!!!! BE OUT GURL!!!!

Lawny, Happy registration!! I remember that day vividly for my youngest! I was like "YEAAAAA...no more DAYCARE COSTS!!!"

Luvtravlin-thanks for the hotel info..I'm looking forward to the RIU MoBay...(Especially the 'Introductory Prices'

) & I like the idea of a 'Mental Health' Day for the kids...never thought of that. Lawd knows I LOVE my Mental Health days!

To everyone else...Any plans for the weekend?

Bless,
Gill

SOCCER, SOCCER and MORE soccer !!! My son has a game at 10:30 tomorrow morning (2 hrs from home) so we need to leave the house around 7:15 AM, ugh. We're going to Blast Championship Game Party tomorrow night in downtown Baltimore at the ESPN Zone. The professional team I do the travel for is playing in the Finals in Milwaukee. Then another soccer game my son has on Sunday at 4:30pm an hour 1/2 from home. Their team is also down 3 players, so they'll only have 1 sub....my boy will be exhausted come Sunday night !!

I hope everyone has a great weekend !

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-25 11:42:00

QUOTE (Trelawny20853 @ Apr 25 2008, 09:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Mrs. Palmer @ Apr 25 2008, 09:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Congratulations Jax & Dwain on the healthy baby!!

Congratulations Jason & Marla...Jason, you all can finally move on with your lives...YAY!!

Well, I'm headed off to work...it' going to be such a beautiful day outside...I don't even wanna go!! Definitely tipping out early

I'm telling. Have a great day. I'm leaving work at noon today. I can't believe my son is ready for school. Have to get him registered TODAY and I'm so excited. I just had him July 2003. Happiest day of my life. I didn't know you could love someone so much, until I had him. The other day he looks at me and tells me I'm pretty, then 2 minutes later tells me "MOMMY you've got a BIG baxide like my teacher." His new phrase is "U FACTEY". It changes everyday. Sometimes I wonder how many different things we as WOMEN can handle at once; and when I ask myself that, I just take a moment and pray it out. The last week has been crazy in my life, but I can only take a hold and control what I can. The rest, I leave up to GOD.

Shoot girl, wait till he turns ...14 !!! UGH.... the battle this morning (or I should say, the begging and pleading) NOT to go to school and he wanted to make a million "deals". I was like, get ready...we're leaving in 10 min.....

See I give him a "mental health day" every school year and I already gave him one in the beginning of the year and he wanted one today. I told him that I will give him another one ONLY when I see a drastic improvement in his grades, especially for English and Math.

I started this back when he was in the 2nd or 3rd grade. "Our" mental health days are me taking off from work and him off from school (as long as there are no major tests/exams that day) and the 2 of us just hanging out chillin together. It TOTALLY works and rejuvenates both of us !!

Cherish those moments with him....cause he'll turn "monster" (so to speak) when he hits middle school and from what I have heard from friends with boys older....that settles down (somewhat) when they turn 18 !! I was like okaaay....4 more years to go!

My son is a really good kid, but....the battles we get into about STUPID ####### !! Amazes me, these flippin smart teenagers ! For those that have them, you feel me ???

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-25 11:02:00

Here are some info of hotel openings and closings you may not have been aware of that my JA rep sent to me...

· Doctor's Cave - This small, boutique property is located in the middle of the Hip Strip area of Montego Bay. This is a clean, friendly property located across the street from Doctor's Cave Beach.

· RIU Montego Bay - This is the newest resort of the RIU chain in Jamaica, scheduled to open 8/29/08. They will have great introductory rates when it comes up for sale.

· RIU Palace Tropical Bay - RIU Tropical Bay is closing on 8/20/08 for approximately 4 months for renovations. When it reopens in late December, the property will be known as RIU Palace Tropical Bay. RIU Palace is the brand for RIU's more upscale properties.

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-25 10:56:00

QUOTE (Mrs. Palmer @ Apr 20 2008, 04:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

CONGRATULATIONS SHAUNA!! Welcome Kayla!! I'm mad she was still up there chillin though...like she had absolutely NO intentions of coming out any time soon!!

Hey Kelly...long time since I've seen you up here...glad to see you! Are you doing ok?

Question for some of the vets....Do any of you still keep in contact with ChristineJames?

I'm doing great ! Thanks for asking.

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-20 16:11:00

QUOTE (Jomo @ Apr 19 2008, 11:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I guess I've been kind of cryptic, cause some of you have asked in PM's. I wanted to clarify a bit and put something out there to all the vets on here.

First of all, Andre and I are fine. If everyone around us would cut the #######, we'd be ever better. But the two of us....just the two of us....we are doing just fine.

Have any of you who's husbands been here a while experienced stupid ####### from their friends, sometimes family, in Jamaica?

Here is the deal.....

A few months ago, 1 friend called to say he had someone in the US wire money via Western Union to Andre. Andre had to pick it up and then turn around and wire what was left after the fee, to the guy in JA. Andre did not think about this before he did it. When I found out, I was hopping mad. The same friend called again a few weeks ago and wanted to do it again. Andre declined.

His friend in Germany called a few weeks ago and wanted to ship electronics to Andre for Andre to then ship them to Jamaica. He could keep any he wanted from time to time for his troubles. His excuse was that "he had to have a US address on them". Andre declined.

Andre's sister has made 3 very quick trips to JA and even though she doesn't have a job, she now has some money to send us to get plane tickets to come visit her. We have passed.

We don't want no part of any of these people and their games. I don't believe any of it can be legal.

Add to that the constant calls from people asking for money and it's just been overwhelming this week.....the stories just get more and more out there. Redial seems to be their friend, sometimes calling 10 times in a row. I kid you not when I say the other day, he had 57 missed calls on his phone. This is all the reason I was in a tizzy this week. And, most of it was because my husband had a meltdown. He heard that these so called friends say that "he forgot where he came from" cause he won't participate in these games. Today, we found out it was not just him they are trying to play. Another friend from Florida and another in Canada have also been contacted to participate in this stuff. They too declined.

Anyone else out there dealt with this kind of #######? What did you do to get it all to stop?

As for me and Andre, we are fine. Today we had a long talk about not letting this unimportant nonsense bother us because in the end, it has nothing to do with our marriage or our lives.

I do love all of you who inquired, said prayers, or even thought about us. Thank you.

Craig has never given his number out to "friends". Only a select few have it and they never call and ask for money. Now that we don't live in the separate house and he bought a pre-paid phone, only his mother has his new number and he never gets calls.

I'm sorry you're going through all of that. It's sometimes hard to fight that type of battle... Is he willing to have HIS phone number changed at all ? to make those calls come to a stop ?? Or does he fight that ? How about having a pre-paid phone for the Jamaica calls and then using his regular phone (with the number changed) for contact with you and true friends? Craig has changed his number 4x in the past yr 1/2, but that was mostly because of the "women" calls.

I do know that a friend of mine, her JA husband was busted for some gun and drug "ring" between Florida and New York and it was HUGE. We all just had absolutely no clue (partly the reason of their divorce). He's such a "nice" guy !!!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-20 14:34:00

Shauna and likkle Ms...update

Kayla Leilani Francis made her debut at 12:18 AM (today), by emergency c-section. Shauna has been in the hospital for the past few days because her BP was up and the Docs didn't like that. Kayla is 8 lbs 12 oz and almost 21 inc long. Shauna had to have a vertical c-section because the little one was NOT ready to come out and was still tucked up so far and they "vacummed" her outta there.

She's tired and feeling good. The baby is great ! Shauna will remain in the hospital for up to 5 days. She won't be online for quite awhile.

Once she's out of the hospital and settled, I'll be making a trip to see her and the little one.

Kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-20 14:24:00

QUOTE (Jamaica to CT @ Apr 18 2008, 07:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well I've been pouring my old VJ "pm's" that I downloaded via e-mail to see if I had Shauna's number but looks like my orgainization skills still need some serious work

. SJB don't say a thing ...

. Sorry Shauana if you gave it to me and I lost it. Hope everything is ok.
But while searching I came across some old messages and I wanted to say to Lee if you still read "hey girl"

As of yesterday afternoon, no baby...she's still all tucked away. I'll keep you posted if she makes a surprise this weekend. "Due date" is Monday, we were all taking bets that she would have made her arrival this week. She's just quite comfortable

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-04-18 23:08:00

Yardies, at home and a farrin (part 8)

Hi Everyone,

Just poppin in to spread some airline travel info.... which if this new rule is passed....fun fun !!

Hope all is well !

AIRLINES: Electronic Boarding Passes Will Expand in 2009

10/22/2008 -
The U.S. Transportation Security Administration (TSA) will expand its acceptance of airline boarding passes as electronic bar codes on passengers’ cell phones and personal digital assistants (PDAs) next year. Airlines send these codes to the phones and PDAs, so that passengers can show them at airport boarding gates in lieu of paper boarding passes. (The paper passes will continue to be used, of course.) This option is popular with business travelers who like to keep all of their travel data on their handheld devices.

U.S. officials are expected to announce final rules today for the long-delayed ”Secure Flight” prescreening program for airline passengers that’s set to launch in early 2009. Under the new rules, travel agents & airlines will be required to collect not just passenger names, but also gender and birthdates, so that this data can be matched more accurately against federal terrorism watch lists.

Kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-10-22 08:34:00

Food for Thought

QUOTE (Hotlegz @ Nov 24 2008, 08:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OMG..U GUYS R HILARIOUS !!! I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED THESE..BUT I'VE HEARD ENOUGH STORIES AND KNOW DEM OFF DI BAT..

HOW ABOUT U NEVA MET NOT ONE A DEM FRENZ

HOW ABOUT EVERYBODY LOVE YUH..O KNOW NUTTIN BOUT YUH AND YUH CULTURE

"HOW MI NO HEAR FROM U BABES, WELL U KNOW DI LIGHT CUT OFF AN MI A STRESS, CAN I DO ANYTHING..NO MAN NO WORRY YUHSELF I DON'T FEEL COMFY, BUT DI WORK NAH GWAAN WID NUTTIN" ASKING BUT NOT REALLY ASKING...

These are great...heard them used several times !

How 'bout....
-psssssst, I'd like (or want) to get to know you
-psssssst, I like your style
-This old fart-driver guy at Beaches said to me when I was just there (walking with my son), hey girl I'd love to get to know someone as beautiful as you. I said, well let me ask my psycho husband....here he comes and he said, no suh....he look like he could kick mi ###! Me and my son just laughed...

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-25 09:05:00

Food for Thought

-asking for money, right off the bat... for the "light bill that's being cut off", or anything out that makes you feel a little uncomfortable for someone you *just* met. Craig never asked me for money because I flat out said...I do not have it, so do not ask. When I travel, it's for free because I'm a travel agent.
-taking phone calls privately OR not answering the phone when you are with him
-having women "friends" you don't know about and MOST of them have "friends" that are a farrin !
-definitely introducing you as his "wifey" right away
-saying that they love you REAL quick
-that they can't live without you
-that they've NEVER felt like "this" about another woman!!
-never visiting their house (or yard area)
-saying they can't WAIT to work when they get here
-he says...when i get there, i'll help to pay the bills, clean, cook, do laundry, help around the house
-saying they don't smoke (or as much as they really do). this has been THE biggest issue for me and Craig and he was DENIED, but had to pay the lab off for HIS f-k up.
-how many babies? how many mothers ? but YOU are the one they want to be with !?!? forever ..
-PROCRASTINATING in getting things done **especially** for the visa process
-expecting that you bring new clothes, shoes, etc etc everytime you go to visit

There are more, I just can't think of them off the top of my head.... and most of these I didn't go through, but know that they happen from others that I know of.

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-24 15:48:00

QUOTE (Islandwoman @ Nov 24 2008, 04:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Nov 24 2008, 03:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Vouchers can also be exchanged at the airport at Air Jamaica's ticket counter(s).

Thanks Kel - that's 4 hrs away from me too...

I can email my friend that is the Sales Rep for our area (for Air Jamaica) and ask if there's something else that he could do for ya.

Can you PM or email me the voucher restrictions ? Dates, etc... when it was issued and the amount. I'll see if I can help..

kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-24 15:29:00

QUOTE (Islandwoman @ Nov 24 2008, 10:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (sus @ Nov 24 2008, 09:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Islandwoman @ Nov 24 2008, 09:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Is anyone near/close an Air Jamaica office?

I am sure there is one in Brooklyn - that would be Portland - maybe JGay?

These are the ones in the US:

New York
111 Livingston Street
Suite 1102
Brooklyn, NY 11201
Phone: 718-222-0175
Fax: 718-222-1867

Miami
8300 NW 33rd Street
Suite 440
Miami, FL 33122
Phone: 305-670-3222
Fax: 305-669-6634

Baltimore
8757 Georgia Avenue
Suite 460
Silver Spring, MD 20910
Phone: 301-589-0432
Fax: 301-589-2961

I wondering if anyone is close to them. I have that credit that can only be used by taking it to an office. If I get a ticket for January I'm thinking I could mail the voucher and a money order to someone to drop it off at the office for me.

Next question - has anyone taken the Air Tran from Penn Station to JFK?

Vouchers can also be exchanged at the airport at Air Jamaica's ticket counter(s).

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-24 15:02:00

Hey Everyone,

Has anyone seen the movie FIREPROOF?
http://www.fireproofthemovie.com

I saw Dr Phil do something on it a couple of weeks ago. Well I took Craig to it last night, but did not tell him what we were seeing. It was THE BEST movie I've seen in a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery long time. We laughed, we cried, I mean for anyone in a relationship and/or marriage that has not been working out or has issues.....GO AND SEE THIS MOVIE, NOW ---and take your man/woman!!!!!

Of course, Craig feels he doesn't need to apply any of it, but that's Craig NOT to get it and be just absolutely miserable!

Our "happy" life was very very short lived as of last week, unfortunately.................but life goes on !

Have a great weekend.

Kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-22 09:43:00

QUOTE (sjb1221 @ Nov 20 2008, 07:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (MSNELLY @ Nov 20 2008, 05:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

NO PROBLEM IS HER NAME DONNA?

No, Carolyn Wright...she's the general manager...she's so professional.

One issue we are facing is the date I really want - August 7th...most of Negril hotels have August 6-10 blocked already for ATI

Carolyn is one of the owners. She's a good friend of mine that I've known for about 10 yrs and as nice as all get out!! I've stayed there a couple of times. Food was always excellent. I've seen a couple of weddings done there and they were absolutely beautiful. I've only stayed in the 1 bedroom villa (with a jacuzzi attached to the bedroom). It was awesome!! I've put several clients in all room categories and everyone has enjoyed the property. I have one couple that have been going there every February for the past 4 yrs. They love it.

Rondel Village is my 2nd favorite place to stay. The staff was great! It's an EP (not all inclusive) property. They are renovating the bar area and front. When I was there 2 weeks ago, I was amazed at how much beach they've lost compared to when I stayed 3 yrs ago. They had the biggest beach area then.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me.

kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-21 15:31:00

Yardies Heading to Jamaica in October

QUOTE (Marie87 @ Sep 26 2008, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Name
SunnyJa
Dates
10/4/08-10/16/08
Location
Ocho Rios - Private Villa in Mammee Bay
Purpose
Interview 10/7

Name
Marie87
Dates
10/21-10/28
Location
Manchester/Negril
Purpose
Wedding/Family

Name
Islandwoman
Dates
10/10/08-10/15/08
Location
Hanover/family - Ocho Rios - Sandcastles
Purpose
Visiting - vacation - ???

Name
Jski
Dates
10/20-10/23
Location
Kingston/Liguanea - with her family
Purpose
Interview - but this might be postponed??

Name
Roxcie-Joe
Dates
11/04/2008-12/3/2008
Location
Kingston
Purpose
Conjugal Visits

Name
Kelly (Luvtravlin)
-Dates
10/30/2008-11/4/2008
-Location
Montego Bay -1 night (don't know where yet)
Negril - 4 nights - Beaches Sandy Bay
-Purpose
Received a 4 night comp stay at Beaches..couldn't pass it up

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-09-26 13:57:00

QUOTE (BELIEVE IT BABY!! @ Feb 11 2009, 03:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Jomo's girl @ Feb 11 2009, 01:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (BELIEVE IT BABY!! @ Feb 11 2009, 01:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Jomo's girl @ Feb 11 2009, 12:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Then, put yourself in Luv's shoes. Cause you are all at the beginning or middle of it. All the expenses of phone calls, trips, the visa, etc. The entire long difficult process. The hopes so damn high in the beginning. As things are unfolding, you fight for the marriage, as you argue. You can't believe it isn't working out like you envisioned. That after it all, he isn't trying so much harder.

To give up after all of that has to be extrememely difficult. Of course you are hoping he will change along the way. Baby steps, I think, Dillon.

Jomo to have a peace of mind and to make sure my child is safe i will give it all up no questions about it. next your child will'nt have respect for you then what?

.

In theory I say the same thing. But, having been there, I know it's one of the hardest things you would ever have to do. What you lose in the process is always more then you anticipated.

Ok jomo now what happen when her son step to Craig after he see his mom crying and hurting, cause you know its going to happpen soon most boys i know are very protective of there mom. so i say all this to say its time for craig to leave before this happen.

Wow, is all I gotta say with everything you guys have been saying. You guys act like Craig is beating me to death and yelling and calling and screaming names at me..........and I really don't remember saying that he did (or does all that)??!!

First of all I will NEVER tolerate (as stated before) that I would have a man in my house abusing me. Physically or emotionally. Craig came at me ONCE and ONLY ONCE and I dealt with it and "I" had him court ordered to go to anger management and domestic violence counseling for a year and he was also OUT of the house for almost 10 months last year. We (me, Craig and Austin) had a family meeting after I saw the counseling was working and did alot of good, my son wanted Craig to come back in the house, not me.....STUPID me, caved in and I regret my decision because "I" wasn't ready. Craig learned from his counseling and doesn't come at me like that ever.

Craig NEVER calls me names. He tells me almost every flippin day how beautiful I am, how wonderful and nice I am. You guys just do NOT seem to get and da&n if I ever post on here again about what's been happening with me, but my feelings have changed. We have been together 4 yrs....and "I" fell out of love because there's no trust, can't seem to get that back....and just dealing with everything. I put my heart and soul into this relationship and now that Craig is....it's too late for me! I'm NOT the only one that goes through this ....it does suck, but that's life.

We do have arguments, but who doesn't, my son NEVER sees our "big" (they are NOT physical) arguments because I know that it will affect my son and in the future. I KNOW THAT and am FULLY aware of it. If Craig tries to get his point across "loudly" than I tell him either not now or ...calm it down and we can talk like adults.

I do care about him and about his well being, because I fell in love with a GOOD GUY!!! HE HAS CHANGED since being here, he says that to me all the time. HE needs to deal with what HE is going through and I've given him the resources to do so.

"I" have been through counseling 22 yrs ago when "I" to was in an abusive relationship. That changed my life. Made me a very strong woman that I am today. I was even a counselors for 2 yrs after that. I'm a huge self help book reader and movie watcher ...."I" am not the one with the issues. I am VERY grounded and secure with whom I am. I don't put up with #######, I stand on my own 2 feet.

YES, I would LOVE to see him walk out the door, but since he has a "right" to live in my apartment, it's not as simple as you think. Craig can EASILY go back to Jamaica, New York, Philly, etc etc etc....but he flippin WON'T leave. Yep, I guess I could pay to change the locks ...and then have my neighbors all get involved if Craig were to stir some sh&t up...just not willing to go there. I could file for divorce, but ...I just don't have an extra $500-1000 right now.

Good luck to everyone.... you guys don't have to talk about me anymore. I have my friends that support me and you guys know who you are. I do thank those that have always stuck by my side through the good, bad and ugly !!!

I was just coming on here to disguss my (our) adjustment....and you all (as always) took it a totally different level.

Thanks to those that have PM'd me, I appreciate it....I'll keep in touch !

One love !
Kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-11 16:24:00

QUOTE (Marlita @ Feb 10 2009, 06:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ok, so I know that I am posting alot right now, but I've finally got a slow day at work and this topic is very interesting to me. Not all the drama in it, but the actual story sharing.

Anyway...I've noticed that in most ALL the stories that everyone shared when speaking of the things they did for their husband so he could "adjust" were all fundamental things. I.E, give him bus schedules, show him barbers, JA food spots, parks, buying certain foods, helping with a job search, etc. However, I did not hear anyone mention any emotional or nurturing support. I mention this cause I too fall a victim of giving lots of fundamental support with less emotional support. This was actually pointed out to me this weekend by a Christian counselor that Evan and I talk to. (I'm telling you all, counseling is the best! Go there BEFORE you start to have issues and needs for it). Anyway. I realized that I was doing all these "things' for my husband but what he really needed in this move was lots of nuturing support. Sometimes he's just sad or angry or lonely and all he wants is ME. Not more JA food, or someone to speak patois with all day, or more reggae music, or whatever. He says he just wants me to be his rock when he gets in these down times. And he wants to be able to look back at the down time and remember that it was ME that helped him out of it, by just giving him affection and love and a nurturing word or two. Beyond that he says having all that other stuff like buying him certain clothes and shoes or food he likes means absoulutely nothing. Its not the adjustment of the US thats hard its the adjustment of only having ONE PERSON that you are supposed to look to to give you emotional support. He's in a new country and newly married. Who does he talk to when down? Who does he look to for a hug or to hold him? Who is supposed to say they love you to him? Who is supposed to cheer him up when down? Make him happy when sad? ME! Its a HUGE job for me. Cause its a person who is very emotionally needy at the time cause they have no one else. He has no friends or family here. So he needs to get all the emotional support he got from them from me now. I was so worried about making his transition smooth with all the fundamental stuff, that I started really forgetting the emotional stuff. I started to think he was not appreciative, but what I realize is that he was really in a bad predicament and it was up to me to help him through it. But thats a marriage right? So of course its a new adjustment for me to learn to be that person. So thats where we clashed. He had all these needs that were not being met, even though I thought I was giving him so much. But I just didnt know that I wasnt giving him the one thing he wanted the most, and he was resentful to me for not giving it to him.

Its really an eye opener, but helps me to see that once we really start to learn each other, we can really have such a wonderful future together if we stay on track and keep each other as the #1 priority.

Ok, I'll get off my soap box now, cause I know folks say I need to sit down all the time/.

I have given over and beyond emotional time to Craig. We've spent hours upon hours upon hours talking...staying up late, talking & crying. Craig gets very emotional....because I've said to him over and over again, it's OKAY to feel emotion and show me. We used to light the candles and a bottle of wine and some nice music and just TALK, but....our relationship has changed....and adding to that being a full-time parent (father is not in the picture, never has been) to a teenager with sometimes 7 days a week soccer, traveling on the weekends for soccer, school and owning a business and working a pt-time job......where's "MY" emotional time ? Where is the "me" ? I remember Gill asked that question a year or so ago....when is it about "us" (the USC)? He learned ALOT in his anger management and then another counseling course he's had for the past year. It opened up his eyes alot. I would go to counseling and so would Craig, there is just not enough time in the day to fit it all in....sorry if that's being selfish, but....I can't do it.

If I would have known what I know now, I would have soooooooooooo gone to a counselor before we got married, but I was in la-la land and being in love. There is not enough time in 90 days....period !

I've never been married and I never wanted to get married....but I wanted to be with Craig for the rest of my life. I don't necessarily want to get divorced, but...

Craig and I get along GREAT, when it's good it's excellent, when it's bad, it's HORRIBLE !!! I'd say lately....more good than bad, but I'm just not feeling it anymore. There hasn't been any trust for awhile and that's hard to get back.

As in being a parent, you know when your child needs that extra quality time, it's the exact same way with the other half. When Craig is here everyday, I never ever ever get work done, because we're just constantly talking about just stuff.

It's when Craig is just plain immature and stupid ......

I NEVER tell my son that Craig is "bad", never. I'm not like that at all. Just like I would never tell him his father is "bad", because I don't know his father to be that way. His father was an awesome guy, whether or not he chose not to be in his life....it's his loss. I remind Austin that a man is not supposed to this and that and at 15 he does understand. We have a great relationship, yes it sucks when Craig acts like a jerkoff and immature in front of him, but ... I tell Austin if he ever needs to speak with me, a school counselor or school pyschologist we always have our doors open. My son talks to be about everything.

For the parents out there ....you know, you divide your time. If it was only me and Craig....things would be different, but my son comes 1st and foremost always!!!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-10 23:34:00

QUOTE (TRELAWNY PARISH @ Feb 10 2009, 03:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (sus @ Feb 10 2009, 03:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Marlita @ Feb 10 2009, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (nannygirl82 @ Feb 10 2009, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (RoxcieJoe @ Feb 10 2009, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Island woman, what Nannygirl posted was very good, you can't isolated anyone and think that they will just fit into your environment.

At the time I wanted him to find his on way so to speak, and really didn't think I had to show him. Looking back I guess maybe I did.

About the marrying into a white family. When we first got together this was NEVER an issue, until he came here. Then it became an issue whenever we went to Church or just to visit my family. He said he felt "uncomfortable". I am not sure why this came out all of a sudden, and the best part was when he said I was racist. For him this became an issue, not sure why and never got a real answer.

I very much think this was because he for once was a minority. In JA, he as a Black person or Jamaican person is a majority. You become very self....aware once you are around people different from you. Just them being White will make him aware that he is different. They may not have an issue with him whatsoever, but he has an issue with it. I had an issue with it when i went to college. First time around White people and I was the minority. It was very eye opening to see all the differences in us. Not just our skin, and speech, but our goals and history and dreams and so much more.

I can see this as well, Marlita - I know, just from my own experiences, that is an adjustment and something that takes getting used to - I can remember going to a step show with my friends and being the only white person - My friends acted normal towards me, but I felt wierd - it's hard to explain.

I understand. When my mom tried to send me to Walla Walla College in Walla Walla RASS Washington state, I felt completely out of place. Same when I went to a wedding in (let me see if I can get the town right) Beaver Creek, Montana (don't laugh), all eyes were on me, while I felt out of place and uncomfortable, I didn't dwell on it, I was there to support my friends at their wedding.

Craig's family has never been around a white person and it was very cool hanging with his little cousins, touching my hair, my face, speaking...it's neat to show others that we ALL are human !!! When I went to Kingston and only saw a very few white folk, I could care less. I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Now...send me to my Jamaican friends house in Baltimore City (rough part)...um, nope. I'm a little scared there ! But he says...we're one people !

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-10 15:40:00

QUOTE (RoxcieJoe @ Feb 10 2009, 01:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (luvtravlin @ Feb 10 2009, 12:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There were to many that I wanted to respond to, so I'm going to try in one shot....and I wasn't going to...but...

First...there WAS loads of love in my relationship with Craig. He still loves the heck out of me, tells me all the time, tries his best to show me, but with all the things that have happened, just don't feel that I need to hurt again by it all.

Second....Shauna and I are the best of friends, we've been in each others company many maaaaany times during and after they've broken up. We all had the best of times and looking back, can't even begin to tell you why that Craig AND Mike acted the way they did (do) !!

My parents are VERY racist, always have been, but for me, I like/love a person (man/woman) for who they are, not because of the color of their flippin skin. My sons friends, and they are all black or asian/black, freak out because "I" listen to "their" music. I love Reggae and Jamaica more than Craig sometimes feels. My apartment is filled with Caribbean stuff and has been that way waaaaay before Craig came into the picture.

When Craig came here, I investigated Black barbers and razors things, Jamaican restaurants, music, etc etc. I took him on a Reggae Sail as a suprise for our wedding gift. Within the 1st week of him getting here I took him out to hang with my friends and see my friends Reggae band and they welcomed him with opened arms ....as ALL of my friends have/did.

Craig was never one to go out and party, still doesn't. He's never been to a club by himself in the 2 1/2 years living here, we go out together, but not as much.

Craig was never the jealous type until, for whatever reasons, he got here. I have maaaany male friends and he knows each and every one of them, but I also have a ton of male friends in Jamaica and he knows that to, because I've introduced him to them all.

Craig and I talk ALLL the time, that's one of the things that I love about our relationship is we communicate ALLLL the time, now....sometimes he'll hold things over my head....um, that's part of immaturity on his part.

Yes, Craig is younger than me....but when I met him I thought he was older, just the way he carried himself and from the people he surrounded himself with. Here..totally different story.

This entire process is a LEARNING process and Craig (and many others that "I" KNOW OF) still do not get it!! I tell Craig all the time that you should be learning from your mistakes and never make those mistakes again, but that just doesn't seem to flippin sink in !

I've sat down with him, showed him budget, money, bank, books, newspapers, resumes, broken out maps, showed bus routes, areas where he can go, places where he can visit...shoot he knows more about my area than I do and I'm from here. I helped him try to find jobs, dag...I've done it all as we all do, but when do you stop "teaching" and showing??? Comes a point, right ?

We live in an area that is ALL Asian/Muslim, never used to be that way, but has become that way....my son is the minority at the bus stop! We live in the richest county in the Nation, where racism is around us everyday!

Craig said to me this morning, that when he went to Philly & New York this weekend, he does not like it there. It's to busy for him, he likes the quiet...we're not out in the middle of east bum...but he has become self sufficient in getting himself around and doesn't complain about taking the bus anymore, but we had those battles for a long time!!

Like I've said....a thousand times, there are sooooooooooooooooooo many things that you (newbies) don't think of that they need to learn ....just like the breath that comes out of their mouths in the cold, thinking it's warm outside (in the winter) just because the sun is shining. Turning off lights, radio, etc etc....and leaving without thinking that's sucking up the electricity. Paying bills and on time. Groceries are way more expensive. Some of us don't have a JA grocery store us the street. For Craig, there's never ever been an issue with food. He loves American food all the same. Yes he misses JA food, but doesn't whine and cry about it! Now that we have a Golden Krust up the street...."I" love it and go there more than he does !!

Yes, Craig has been abusive, I guess you want to call that, never verbally... and he tried to lay a hand on me ONCE and I took action with that. I will never ever tolerate a "man" living in my house that's abusive. He received the help he needed and it helped ....and he learned from that. He tries to get loud, still.....but I'm the calm one.

So....question, if YOU (anyone) were to "go through what I've gone through"....do YOU pick up and move out of a place where YOU have lived for 11 yrs, move your child/children to a new school and new friends, move to a different soccer club and give up everything YOU have had and known.......NO, the man should leave !!!! and that's the thing Craig won't do and I have no way of "getting him to"!! Oh, I could let him beat me up, call the cops and go that route...

I told him today, cause he's been reading everything that has been going on and said.....he said that HE has changed since coming here. He knows that...now fix it and get it back to the way it was...with or without me !!!

SOME of these guys are very much influenced by their "friends" and "cousins" as I've said a million times before. It's a battle that's constantly going on. Craig has to learn wrong...himself, part of "growing up" and it SUCKS that as a "man" ...he's starting fresh, so to speak.

I've been friends with many of the women on this site for 4-5 years now and the ones that I'm close with, we have ALL gone through the major BS that maybe SOME of you haven't....and that's awesome. Trust me, I would HATE to have anyone go through this. The veterans that don't come on here anymore, don't because it's just like how it used to be 4-5 yrs ago. We used to share, cry and embrace each other ...good, bad or ugly, not nowadays, it's like a piece of meat being thrown into a cage !!!

God has a plan for everyone................for whatever reason, we (me and Craig) are still on a path..... to ???

Luvtrav, I have to reply to you, there is nothing that you have stated her, that I have not hear from girlfriends whom have dated and married the man next door. These issues are not uncommon, no they are not right. But many a woman, white/black/yellow married to their man from their back yard have experienced this. What I am getting from this is that Craig is not ready for marriage, he thought he was, but he still have to grow. And you are looking for someone who has gone thru these stages, you are tired of teaching. This doesn't make either one of you a bad person, it just says you'll are not ready to be a couple. You want more and he doesn't know how to give that more.

I couldn't have said this any better. Craig has never been in a serious/monogamous relationship...adding on to the learning to be in one AND get married in 90 days. Ninety days is NOT enough time ...period. We got married on the 89th day.

We talk about this all the time, I know that he isn't ready and I tell him that it's okay, it really is...but...if you truly are ready than you HAVE to work on it and yourself!! You are not a punk little kid that doesn't have responsibilities like your cousins and friends, so man the f-k up !!

I agree wholeheartedly that he has to grow....we had this exact conversation last night...and I told him shoot...it could be years down the road that we may end up together, just right now.....we're not on the same page! He doesn't seem to get it, he says...that "I" am the one he loves and cares for....but ....it's just all so frustrating and confusing!!!

I don't "hide" my relationship from my parents and I've said this numerous times in the past. I'm just not open with it to my parents because of the fact my parents could give a rats a&& what I do with my life. I've gone on 3 trips out of the country since Sept and have not told them once and they haven't asked. We have never been close and that's not going to change now that they are 67 & 72 yrs old !! They've met Craig ...and still didn't put 2 and 2 together. If they want to know who he really is, they can ask....I'm not offering, if you knew them you would feel the same way. Craig, at first wasn't okay with it, but he's soooo over that since he knows what type of folk they are !!!

I've sent my parents on 2 cruise in the past year, they will NOT get off the ship and tour in a "black" (so to speak) country !!! It's sad, truly is...my parents don't take public transportation ...because of the "blackness" of it and they FREAK when they find out that I take my son everywhere and let him experience alllll types of places, people, etc. They won't ever look at my trips to Jamaica and/or Barbados! They almost fell over dead when my friend (who has dreads...that I've known for a long time from Jamaica) went over to shake their hand and introduce himself !!!

My parents are going to be moving to Delaware within the next 6 months after living in the same house since '74. They live 6 miles from me now and I can count on 2 fingers how many times I've seen them in the past 3-4 months. We, even my brother & sister and I, are just not close, used to be......and ya can't help who and what family you're born into !!

Life goes on and I deal with it the best that I know how to. I'm not a depressed and sad person, I live life everyday to the fullest and those that are in my life and know me, know that. I have a ton of people to bounce stuff off of. Craig can pick up the phone and call any one of my friends.... I can't do the same. I'm very close to his mother and we talk all of the time.

I would HIGHLY recommend marriage/couples counseling for anyone !!! We just unfortunately don't have the extra money ! Sucks....but we'd be all over that in a heartbeat !

Thank god I am a travel agent and get to take full advantage of the perks of being in this field....hence getting OUT of the country to rejuvenate !!! It's awesome feeling coming back HAPPY ;o) !

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-10 15:33:00

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-10 12:46:00

QUOTE (Hotlegz @ Feb 9 2009, 12:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I KNOW MY MAN NO INCLUDED INNA DIS ..AND MI AFFI TALK CAUSE HE'S A JAMAICAN ME..U TALK ABOUT UR OWN RELATIONSHIP..AND LET EVERYONE ELSE TALK ABOUT THEIRS..I KNOW ALOT ALOT OF DECENT JAMAICAN, AMERICAN MEN...

YES I KNOW UR NOT TALKING ABOUT KASHI SPECIFICALLY BUT HE'S STILL A JAMAICAN

yes she has good points that happened to her..

I don't know if i believe how much love was in ur relationship Nanny/Luvtralin...how did love just go out the window over nite..

That's why I wrote FEW ....I never suggested your man "being Jamaican" is included. Dear Lord...

You don't know me, so do not say that "love" wasn't there for my relationship and I'm only speaking about "MY" relationship, because it was. I'm not 20 yrs old with just meeting my man for the 1st time. So "I" know what love is truly all about, but............from the influences that Craig was put in his head every flippin day, CHANGED that love, dramatically. I loved the heck out of him until 10 months ago, but I'm done. I do care about him and what happens to him because I am a caring and kind person, but I don't have to love him anymore !!!

Um, you do know people that have fallen out of love, don't you ??? Doesn't matter if you're married 1 week, 1 month or 20 years it does happen.

I think it's funny how you guys wanna know how the adjustment is .....but then come down on me when I have to say the REAL DEAL in MOST of these relationships. These are the relationships of the couples that are here in the US, not the ones going through the process. Like I think you mentioned something in the other thread about not knowing of any "inter racial" relationships, so you can never know what it's like be in my shoes, Shauna's, Suzy's, etc etc...... it IS different. The way the women look at us, disrespect us, kiss their teeth, it's just ludicrous nuts !!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-09 13:24:00

QUOTE (Shemmy @ Feb 9 2009, 12:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Hotlegz @ Feb 9 2009, 12:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow...I wonder what it really is..cause i'm not judging anyone..but i don't feel i need to talk..b/c it seems i have no issues compared to some...my heart goes out to all u guys..that r having a HORRIBLE time..

I agree...this is terrible.

One thing I would to say is that when you post...please post about YOUR experience...try not to say THEY or what others will go through. Everyone experience is different. All Jamaican men should not be painted with the same brush.

No, I'll say "they" because I mean Craig, Mike, and the many other JA men that I know. As I've stated numerous times over the past 4 yrs, I know that all Jamaican men are not like "that", but there's MANY that are. Just because there's only a handful that "I" know that are decent men.... just like when I talk about "men" be it American men....I say "they"....

Of course everyone's experience is different and if someone wants to keep saying..... oh not my man, we all already know that there are a few on here that have great relationships, so why keep taking it the wrong way ?? Ugh...

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-09 12:46:00

QUOTE (Islandwoman @ Feb 9 2009, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (TRELAWNY PARISH @ Feb 9 2009, 11:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Kelly, thanks for sharing that..

I have several friends in the same situation the "smoking" is a big issue. One of them her husband has not been able to get a job because he has failed all the urine drug screen and all he says to her is "if he was in Jamaica, you jus fling a few dollahs"...well, you not in Jamaica.

Ugh...I'm having trouble with that attitude.... do it right the first time and not worry about cleaning up the mess after....

And unfortunately the "attitude" WILL NEVER EVER GO AWAY !!!! When he gets here and doesn't get his "way", doesn't have a job for months and months, doesn't have money in his own pocket (and I'm not supposed to be the ATM, especially if he's working), there's going to be major attitude. It's always all about them and NOT his wife and/or HER children!!!!

Gosh, just thinking back to all of the constant "promises" Craig made to be such a supporting husband, both mentally and physically. That he couldn't wait to work hard.... to support his wife, helping around the house, with Austin, and the list goes on and on. He hates that I have to work a 2nd job, but....he's done nothing about that to change it ! I have yet to see "promises" fulfilled to any of that. Him doing the dishes once a week or taking out the trash once a week is his way of helping!!!! Yeah right...

The smoking was never really a huge issue till he moved back in. He probably did it more when he was not living in this house for 9 months, but forgot that it's unacceptable. We talked about the smoking prior to him coming here, till I was blue in the face and he "understood" that it was not going to happen in the house, especially with Austin here. Austin has seen him get high numerous times and Craig tries to deny it !

It's really and truly frustrating for all of us that have our men here and the ones whose relationships don't (or didn't) work out...and I know personally of 9 of them in this past year. What we put out for these guys ...in time, energy and money ....thinking (hoping and praying) that this will be forever....yeah....not happenin !!!

If ANY of your men have any cousins and/or friends here already, or actually they don't have to be here -it's just what they hear and see on TV, good luck with that. You can talk about everyting until your blue in the face, they won't truly truly get it until they feel and see it for themselves. Then when they get here, they'll get the phone call from a "friend" or cousin that says, no mon....it's not like this or that and then there's where the arguments start. YOU are constantly competing with what eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveryone else puts into their head!!!!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again ....you are basically training an "adult" ....i.e. babysitting. You can deny it all you want, but it's true. You are molding a person to fit into the "US" rules & regulations and that entire scenario brings constant battles and arguments!!!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-09 11:32:00

I also forgot to mention, Craig has been without any work (not that he's even looking) for the past 7 weeks now. It has put even a bigger strain on us and me, but he could care less. I bust my butt working 2 jobs and I've been extremely busy.

He has failed about 4 drug tests to date (that I know of) for GOOD jobs, but ...still doesn't get it !! It's going to take him actually getting caught to probably get it. He now hangs with a 20 yr old that he goes and buys beer for, still doesn't get that he's not allowed to do that !

He's been here 2 1/2 years and I've never once met any of his so called "friends". He's met every one of mine, both male and female!!

He left yesterday, overdrew his bank account again and went to who knows where ??

It's just never ending. I'm hoping and praying that he stays there, but...he only took a very small bag !

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-08 18:13:00

Hey you guys,

I've been gone for awhile, but another Vjr told me to get on and share my "adjustment" story.
As most of you know, my relationship has been a constant battle. Going back to the yardie thread part 1 or 2 ?

I met Craig on my 20th time to Jamaica, so I knew the island, the culture, the people, the food, etc etc. way before I met him. I've stayed at both hotels and then at his (moms house). I know how both sides live there, that was never an issue.

It took a couple of trips for our relationship to blossom, because I had seen it all. Craig was different than any of the Jamaican man that I knew (and known) and met over the years. He was kind, considerate, affectionate, smoked but never in front of my son. I only found out later (after he moved here and was honest about it) just *how much* he smoked. We talked everyday, sometimes a couple of times a day. I went there every other month for a year, with and without my son (whom he met 1st and my son introduced us). I extended our petition 4x because I wasn't ready and I felt he wasn't ready either. We even took a 6 month break in between. Something was just different about him than any other man I had met, ever.

I had little red flags, but what relationship doesn't. Now since I was going through this back with some of the "veterans", we really didn't have much experience to bounce things off of each other like we can today. When he basically got denied for failing his medical (although didn't make it to the embassy, hence paying off someone at the lab), that was huge for me! "I" was the one that got interviewed, not Craig.

I've said it a million times, Craig has changed since coming here. He's not the same person that I met and he says that to me all of the time. He knows that he's become "ugly", but never does anything about it to improve himself and make a better life. He's miserable and wants to make everyone around him miserable.

I have a client that works for immigration in Baltimore, so Craig has been working since the 3rd week of him stepping into the US. Craig NEVER ever puts towards anything in bills. I've taken money out of his account, without him knowing it because asking (or demanding) it never gets us anywhere.

I've sat down with him time and time again and gone over the bills, bank accounts, money, groceries, school, work, pets, etc etc etc a million times, but he STILL doesn't get it !!! He's overdrawn his bank account about 20-30x now!!

I found out about another farrin women (he failed to mention about before he came here) about the 3rd week he got here....and he tried to hide the relationship. We've been through the other womens phone numbers, smoking, emotional affair, physical ####### (lead to his arrest, 22 weeks of anger management, I kicked him out), I mean everything you can imagine .....we've been through.

I stupidly allowed him to come back the middle of October because I truly saw a little bit of a better change in him. I had a trip already planned to Jamaica with my son, he whined so much that he ended up going too. He was out of control there, smoked and drank to embarrass himself and me in front of Managers and staff at the hotel, my friends and his cousin.........we are now SOOOO DONE !!! We haven't slept in the same bed since the week before that trip, we are not affectionate with each other, we talk...but it's on a "friendship" level.

He just WILL NOT LEAVE THIS HOUSE ! I've been nice, I've been a bee-atch, I've been patient, understanding, compassionate, helpful and compromised the heck out of everything, but it's just not working!!! I do NOT love him anymore, I do care about what happens to him, but there's no love between us. He says he loves me all the time, but he truly doesn't know what it means to be in a marriage or faithful and honest relationship and I'm done trying to teach him.

We've been together for 4 years, married for 2. I told him that I will not file the ROC come November. I want a divorce...but...that just all leads to another battle, threats of suing me, etc etc. My son and I BOTH want him gone, but .....like I said, he will not leave !!

I'm very close to Craig's mom, she knows everything that's been going on (so do some relatives now), but the way I feel about Craig will never ever change the way I feel about Jamaica and the island, vibe, etc etc etc !!!

Craig has sucked the life out of me, it's affecting my relationship with my son. I just got back from the Dominican Republic Friday night for a travel agent trip and I had THE BEST time of my life. I truly needed it. I danced, laughed, sang, just everything to enjoy being me and to not have that feeling of someone of making me feel guilty for being ME, was really and truly nice !!

As everyone that knows me knows that I'm never ever ever afraid to discuss my relationship on here or behind closed doors, ever. I've made some wonderful relationships with women on here that I treasure everyday because they've been my rock and you know who you are !!!

He's now in Philly, I think .....didn't really tell me where he was actually heading to or when he'll get back, but DA&N is it NICE to be in my home QUIET AGAIN !!! and have me and my son laughing and enjoying each others company without feeling guilty for being his mother !

Take care everyone, I'm never on here anymore, but I'm here .... if anyone needs to vent, talk to...'kay?!

Love,

Kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-02-08 17:42:00

QUOTE (morantbaygirl @ Nov 14 2008, 02:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Luv It was so good to see a old face!!!! When I first started VJ U and Shemya SPOKE THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME. If not for the both of U my rose colored glasses would have been shattered. Not saying other people didn't tell the truth I just realized through U two it was not going to be as easy as I thought .

Thank you.

I wish more would have been more outspoken, not just behind PMs and emails, back 3 yrs ago, but since most of us were going through the process at the same time, I think some were just not comfortable in talking publicly about our relationships and experiences. I've always been one to chat 'bout it, because I know that me personally helps to read and talk about it to help deal. I'm a HUGE self help reader, Dr Phil, Oprah, Divorce Court, Decision House and whatever else shows are out there. Craig and I watch those together all the time and it's opened his eyes more than I think he really realizes.

The best thing about the counseling is that he was able to see that there were men (cause it was a mens group) out there that were far worse than he was.....anger-wise. Now that counseling is over, he says he sometimes misses being able to talk freely (although he knows he can do that with me), but it's different. He truly knows how to get a grip on the anger and we have civilized talks instead of yelling and screaming....he does the yelling and I calmly talk -which then took him to a different level.

Seriously......lets keep this conversation open and for anyone that's out there reading this for any culture, please post your adjustment stories. Please don't be afraid to be open and honest, because this type of forum (being positive and not bashing) really does help and gives us sanity when there is noone else to turn to. As we ALL know, our "american" friends in "american" relationships can never relate!!!

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-14 14:33:00

Thank you...

Austin is doing good. He'll be 15 soon. He's a good boy and got pretty good grades on his report card yesterday (all B's), except for 1 grade because he failed the flippin county assessment. Still waiting on the teacher to respond to be about that one. Poor boy has severe test anxiety and knows the material but then gets in front of it, timed.... wham, brain goes blank!

Howze your daughter?

I'm bummed that I wasn't able to make JALove's baby shower and meet everyone. Austin's soccer game was re-scheduled for right smack dab in the middle of the party and his game was in Virginia.

Anytime ANYone is up for another meet and greet in the MD/VA/DC/PA/NY -and whoever else is close enough........let me know, cause ya know, 3 yrs has been long enough for us not to meet in person and we're only 40 minutes ? from each other !

QUOTE (sjb1221 @ Nov 14 2008, 02:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (sus @ Nov 14 2008, 01:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kelly, I am so happy to hear that things are turning around for you - I know that it has been a tough road.

Much respect to you for sticking it through - and for being honest with it all.

Ditto...Good luck to you and Craig

How's your son doing?

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-14 14:22:00

I'll fill in our adjustments...

QUOTE (Marlita @ Nov 12 2008, 07:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Where are the stories as to how adjustment for the SO is going?
Having a bank account AND debit card. Still doesn't seem to get that entirely. Overdraws his bank account constantly. I've sat down with him and explained it till I'm blue in the face. He gave me his card last week so that I can help him get back on track and budget and this time, and now does not fight me about me having his card.

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered?
Loads, wouldn't even know where to begin, but happy to talk about it

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life?
Shaped my life? Made me even more patient than I was before, but that comes from being a single parent of a 14 yr old boy. Just lots and lots of communication...open communication!

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture?
For the 1st year 1/2 ...yes, he still thinks we have tooo many rules and we do and some are ridiculous. We just got back from Jamaica last week and he said he never wants to go back there and live.

Do they like the States?
He says he LOVES the states. Craig LOVES the food here. The only thing that he doesn't care for is broccoli. For the past 3 nights I've come home to a cooked meal and he's made 3 different chicken meals. He's a great cook, but loves my cooking more (he says).

Was it what they expected?
He expected it to be easier. His words..getting a car, making money, having a good job. He didn't realize that he needed to be educated to get a GOOD job. He wants to get into A/C work, but he needs to go to a tech school to learn about it.

How has climate affected them?
The cold doesn't affect him, but he kindof is used to it. I remember the 1st time when he "saw his breath", he literally ran back into the house freaking out. He would prefer the warm, over the cold....but deals with it.

Are they in school or working?
He's worked since the 3rd week of getting to Maryland. I have a client that works for immigration and got him his EAD card right away. He's worked for many temp agencies and done a TON of different jobs. He's been working for a water bottling company for the past year and loves it. Definitely wants to make more money, but he loves what he's doing and the people he works with, for now.

I guess this could be more of a question for many VJ'ers not just yardies. I am just more interested in the Jamaica culture to US culture experiences since that is the one I am in. However I think the experience from SO's in a developing nation to the US is always an interesting one.

I just find it odd that we dont hear more of these stories.

I know for myself I really had no idea of what the response my husband would initally have to moving here. What he would think? What he would like/dislike? What would make him comfortable? How long before he gets homesick?

So if you want to share any inital stories of your spouses adjustment please do...I think its good to know how everyone deals and what their first experiences are when settling into like in the US.

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-14 13:53:00

I had a few minutes today, waiting for a computer tech to show up....to browse and I'm happy you guys posted this.

Me, personally, I've never really disappeared, I just don't have time and when I do jump on here and browse, I just can't believe some things that go on and when I have posted, lets just say it's not like it used to be.

If anyone really has time, go back and read the Yardie thread from day one, well maybe it was later because many of us were going through the process at the same time and we didn't have anything to compare to---at that time. We've talked about adjustments till the cows come home and then those that really tell it like it is, seem to get bashed, etc etc etc. I for one, am like Kelly, I'm not afraid to tell really tell it like it is, even if the truth may hurt.

Craig has been in the states for 2 1/2 years. We've been through absolutely everything you can imagine. We had been separated for the past 8 months ....and 2 weeks ago, we decided to really give this another shot....cause trust me, I was SOOO done! He seems to really "get it" now...just living on his own, paying his own bills (not that he had many), etc etc. Long story short, he was court ordered to go through 22 weeks of anger management classes through the domestic violence center. He learned ALOT from it, learned how to handle and react to certain situations, to talk calmly and it's also helped our relationship. He's also in a study through one of our local colleges for Alcohol and Drug abuse programs. We both were interviewed once a month, till the 9th month and then we'll have a final interview at the 1 yr mark (me over the phone and he had to go into their office). He tells me all the time that he's really liked the fact that he's able to talk to someone about issues he had growing up, life choices he's had, dealing with everything here, etc etc.

Our relationship seems to be ....now....after almost 4 years of being together and 2 yrs in the states, to be getting right on track. We were talking this past weekend about how strong our relationship is now and then last night...he comes clean and says that he really thinks he has a drinking problem (although I've known that all along). SO, yet another tough hurdle we'll have to go through.

There are many that I know of that don't come on here anymore, just because their relationships have broken up, or going through really tough times and may be "embarrassed" to post and then there's the other half that just don't have the time.

For anyone that is new out there and are going through this crazy-a&& process, please pleeeeease listen to the advice from us that have been there done that. I never sugar coat anything about our relationship and I'm always here for anyone that wants to chat about obstacles, advice, to listen to. In the 3 1/2 yrs that I've been on this thread, I've learned ALOT and I thank everyone that has stood by me through good, bad & the ugly. If it wasn't for this thread, shoot...I would have lost my mind a loooooooooooooooooooooooong, long time ago.

So THANK YOU MS SQUITTO for starting this yardie thread up when you did !

Kelly

QUOTE (Marlita @ Nov 13 2008, 01:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Jomo @ Nov 13 2008, 07:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

First off, Marlita, I think sometimes people disappear because they find it really is harder to adjust then they thought it would be. They don't want to appear unhappy, so they just don't talk about it.

You know I really thought this might be the case JG, and I respect everyones decision in how they handle their OWN personal family and marriage. So that makes complete sense. I mean...I'm not one to come online and blast all my dirty laundry too, but I do from time to time talk about the obstacles that I may be facing do to this process, or just the relationship in general.

But for the most part, I did start to think that maybe some people went away because they were dealing with some hard adjusment issues and didnt think it best to discuss them on here...i respect that.

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2008-11-14 13:32:00

Yardies at Home and a Farrin (part 19)

QUOTE (JaEnglishGirl @ Sep 22 2009, 04:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

These are my thoughts

It seems to be agreed that Renee and Kelly were friends, enough to stay with Kelly and come down here.
It seems to be agree that Renee met Craig through Kelly.
Renee knows that Craig is or was married to Kelly.

Let's say Kelly was a racist btch who was highly abusive to Craig who was indeed a loving caring man who had been deeply wronged.
Let's say Renee found out that Kelly was the 'bad' one and Craig was the victim in all of this.
And for argument's sake, let's say Renee found out Kelly was a two faced hypocrite etc etc and not a real friend.

Why put the pic on FB? I looked and looked at it, and it doesn't seem to be two good friends hanging out. (I could be WRONG!)

Why not tell your friend or ex friend that BTW, I am now dating your soon to be ex?

Now, if I have jumped to any conclusions, I apologize to Renee from the bottom of my heart.
For all I know, they could be friends and nothing going on.

Okay, guys.....Renee and I became instant friends from the time she joined on VJ. I've been a member from day one (or soon thereafter). Yes she lives in Michigan and I live in Maryland. She's been my "friend" through thick and thin. We share ALL our stories with each other. We talked ALL the time...by phone and instant message and facebook. She came to visit me and my son in July ....on MY Southwest credits ...she stayed here for 4 days and we did a ton of stuff. We NEVER ran into Craig, we were drunk that Sat night, he had called me and I was ignoring his calls all day, but.....made the drunk call back to him and I was chatting with him and she took the phone from me and talked to him and I heard her give her telephone number to him.....and I asked WHY she did that........and her response was, I don't know I would NEVER do anything and I still said, but WHY do you need to give him YOUR phone number.

I've asked her SEVERAL times whether or not she's heard from him..........and she's lied to me, because obviously they have been chatting for the past 2 months. Now they are "in a relationship" per her facebook and she posted a picture of THEM on there. The last time I heard from her was on Sept 9th...till this date, I KNEW something was up because he told me he was in Mississipi and Mississippi told me he had left. He text me yesterday and said he was in Baltimore. He lies....and she's never responded....put 2 and 2 together and I went with my gut feeling just didn't have the PROOF until today when someone sent me THEIR picture from her facebook page.

Now, I'm not pissed at Craig, because it's expected and he goes from woman to woman to woman to woman and when he's WITH a woman, he has several still on the side. Renee knows this. I have a protective order on him ..and it expires June of next year....Renee knows this too. Renee has 2 small children, you would THINK you wouldn't want that type of man in your life..........she knows EVERYTHING he's done to me and my son !!!!

If SHE was never friends with MY HUSBAND and never knew him personally WHY would she think it's okay to be with him now ???? Just like you're saying Tara, "I" would never in a trillion years go out with one of my friends husbands or have his number especially if I didn't know him personally.

I don't think she needs to defend herself, what's there to defend, that's she's a....can't use those words on here.

I don't care about putting peoples business on this site, I've put MY BUSINESS on this site for many many maaany years and some of my stuff has really opened the eyes of others. Others don't like it, but they don't have to read the posts posted.

"I" am HURTING BIGTIME because this was MY FRIEND...........I THOUGHT !!! I've never been betrayed by a friend like this before and it SUCKS especially in the emotional time I'm going through with my dad and his cancer, I NEED **true** friends around me, but now I do know she's not one of them or ever has been. She's fake and wanted MY MAN !!

Anyway, hope that clears up some questions. Feel free to PM me or email me....

P.S. The BS that I've gone through with him does NOT affect how I feel about Jamaica. I fell in love with the country, people, etc waaaaay long before I met Craig. I'm going there to visit the end of October with 2 of my TRUE friends !!

Kelly

luvtravlin

Female

Jamaica

2009-09-22 16:02:00