ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
United KingdomWhere can I get my brains washed
I'm asking myself if I really want to waste my time with this one. I'll probably just be playing into his 'see, what a typical American' hands, but I'm not worried.

Are there Americans so blinded by the fear induced by 9/11 that they blindly support this President and his destructive choices? Oh, I think it's a definate as I've seen it myself. It's frustrating to see people so pro-War, with the attitude that America is just blatantly accepted worldwide as "The greatest country in the world", that everyone else wants to BE LIKE US, and somehow think we really do have the right to perpetrate invasions and detrimental foreign policy on others with no question. I have seen this attitude, and it bothers me, but I don't think it is the majority by any means. I'm not speaking from something I read in a newspaper about statistics, I'm talking about people I meet and have discussions with on a daily basis from wide ranging backgrounds and experiences.

I've been all over The U.K.- Southend, Perth, London, Chesham, Edinburgh, Manchester, Leeds, Southampton, & more - yet I could never sit here and make broad generalizations about the entire country just because of one tone, attitude, or common outlook I may have picked up on in one part of it. I can't because it's not possible. I don't need statistics to tell me there are wider points of view, and for every person I came across who was confrontational about me being American, there were loads of others who were not. I met quite a few people who cornered me with harsh questioning for me to 'answer for' America, but I didn't at any time think 'People in the UK are anti-American!!!". They're simply not. For every person who gave me a hard time, there was another one around the corner who wouldn't. For every person who came at me with misinformation and stereotypes about what it was like to be American, there was another who simply wanted to chat, to ASK questions, to talk instead of assume.

Sure there are Americans who are misinformed, bullheaded, scared, confrontational, ignorant, etc. OF COURSE there are. They're not fun to deal with, I know. Honestly though, you're talking about a TYPE of person and that TYPE of person can be found ANYWHERE. Still, I assure you it's not America as a whole, all these things you're speaking of. There are people aplenty that aren't happy with a lot of things our country does, but they still love living here, and what's wrong with that? People who will not corner you, or make you feel like you have to apologize for having a different opinion or doing things differently. Educated and open minded human beings with a lot more to say than "AMERICA RULES!". We're not all sitting obliviously in front of our televisions believing what is spoon fed to us by our handful of media giants & their agendas.

I don't know if you WANT to know that there's a whole diverse world awaiting you if you travel America and really talk to people. If you want to find more people who can discuss foreign policy, politics in general, causes, culture, issues, and the big world that lay outside America with a broader viewpoint - just don't build a bubble for yourself where you happen to be right now. Your In-Laws, the town you're in, the people in your direct circle are not the whole of America. If you're really looking for reassurance that you don't actually have to 'wash your brain' and can expect to find diversity, culture, and a myriad of differing viewpoints out there, you have it. You will have it, just get in the car and drive. Have chats. Kick assumptions, stereotypes, and preconceived notions out the window and there's a lot you'll find good in America, and EVERYWHERE in the world. Americans can definately be demonized in the media, but like I believe you might tell us, just STOP WATCHING TELEVISION. Go outside, have a look around, it's not so bad out there.

For some reason though, I am not sure that is for you. If all you want to do is remain within the box of security you may have built inside your head telling you "This is this, and that is that", then all you'll probably be content to do is complain and push your own perceptions until someone agrees with you 100%. According to you, that's a very American trait to have, so you should really fit right in!!

Good luck :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-05-21 09:31:00
United KingdomInterview 8am this morning....
I've been away so I'm late with my congrats but CONGRATULATIONS! Best wishes for a speedy reunion and a wonderful future :):):)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-01 08:44:00
United KingdomLondon K-1 Interview
I just read this now, it's a great post. I pictured it complete with "Die Hard Action Music" in the background, hehe. Seriously, congratulations and best wishes for the future :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-01 09:03:00
United KingdomHoly crap
I hear you. My friend was in a similar situation, he sold his condo much faster than expected and had about two weeks to pack up and ship out. It started with relaxed list making and inventory, but toward the end it turned into piling stuff into what we called 'Random bags of #######" just to get it packed up, hehe.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-01 08:57:00
United KingdomHoly crap
Ah, the Zilla sees now, hehe! It's equally fantastic news. The packing up and moving must be manic! Good luck with all the packing up and finding a new house of your dreams :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-01 08:48:00
United KingdomHoly crap
Holy #######, that was so fast! Last time I looked on here you were just falling in love with the house, and now it's yours!?! That's fantastic. Congratulations on your new digs :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-01 08:38:00
United KingdomWe had the ceremony!

ooooh thank you so much for posting your pictures!!!! i am in love with your dress! you both look amazing! June weddings ftw ;)

Congrats a million times over and I hope every day, for the rest of your lives is blessed with happiness and silliness!

<3


Aww Leney :blush: Cheers :) Thanks so much.

Thanks to all of you guys :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-04 11:30:00
United KingdomWe had the ceremony!

Thanks so much everybody :) I'm glad you enjoyed :)

Homesick American! Your photos are AMAZING btw! Absolutely gorgeous. Two people added me on Flickr and I wondered if the other is your wife? I couldn't tell if it was or if you had two IDs. If the other is your wife, her photos are gorgeous too. Thanks for adding me, I look forward to seeing more of your stuff and so does Andy. [Got to get him to post more of his photos, I think you'd like them as he's similiar, he loves his textures].


I'm the wife. :blush: There's only one of me on Flickr; maybe it was one of my Flickr contacts?

ETA: I checked your contacts and the other contact you have has been in my contact list for a while. :lol: Yay!


OMG! Man, I need to pay more attention, I swear! I'd say 'I'm sorry I thought you were your husband", but maybe it's not so bad! hehe. I've got my facts straight now, hee hee.

And Mags, thanks so much for your kind words. I never think of myself as photogenic as much as "Photogoofneric" really, but I appreciate that so much :) I'm glad you liked the piccies :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-03 15:23:00
United KingdomWe had the ceremony!
Thanks so much everybody :) I'm glad you enjoyed :)

Homesick American! Your photos are AMAZING btw! Absolutely gorgeous. Two people added me on Flickr and I wondered if the other is your wife? I couldn't tell if it was or if you had two IDs. If the other is your wife, her photos are gorgeous too. Thanks for adding me, I look forward to seeing more of your stuff and so does Andy. [Got to get him to post more of his photos, I think you'd like them as he's similiar, he loves his textures].

Also, for everybody still waiting for their wedding day to come, I just wanted to say that I know the wait can be so hard at times but I wish you all the best of luck and look forward to reading about it when the day comes and seeing your pics :) Those are always the best posts.

Thanks again :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-03 11:06:00
United KingdomWe had the ceremony!
Hola Everybody!

As of yesterday, we're officially married!

We pretty much considered this ceremony our 'ceremony of cohabitation" as a proper wedding is still up the road a ways, but we made the most of it. We had a 1PM appointment at the county clerk's office so we were up bright and early. The night before we'd tried on all of our ceremony gear of choice, and on a whim I had my Mom just throw my wet hair up in some old perm curlers she had on hand. Flash forward to the morning of the ceremony and Andy's suit was covered in cat hair since he'd left it over a chair and when I pulled the rollers out, my reflection suggested I was heading out to a "Retro 70s Afro Hair Competition' rather than a wedding!

While Andy was digging around to find the lint roller, I was spraying my hair with water trying to relax the poodle curls. Lots of rushing around until we were off to the clerk's office about 20 minutes away. I didn't think to put on my 3inch thick heeled sandals on AFTER I'd driven us to the court house, I was having trouble compensating for the added height. I wound up going either 25MPH or 60MPH with no in between, with my knees almost up to my chest as I drove, hehe.

We arrived at the clerk's office a little early so we sought refuge in a designated smoking area. We sought refuge because, while there has hardly been a lick of rain in Florida for ages now, it decided to rain all day that day. So there we were ambling around in our finery under a droopy broken umbrella we'd grabbed at the last minute. I was desperate for a ciggie but not wanting to get any ash or burns on my dress, so I stood by an ash tray bent over like I was waiting for a rectal exam, holding the cigarette an entire arm's length away from myself. Andy, meanwhile, was trying to get his tie right and rolling himself with lint roller. Almost everyone that walked by us wished us congratulations. There were people honking horns and giving the thumbs up which was so unexpected, but so nice.

We got into the clerk's office right on time, and the secretary took our info and payment. She informed us that we didn't actually have to wait for the certified copies of the marriage certificate, contrary to the county's information website. She was able to give us copies right on the spot, with the 'showy marriage certificate suitable for framing' slated to arrive later. That made us happy since we can file the AOS papers even sooner than expected. She ushered us back into what she called 'The Wedding Room' and told us to wait.

Ah, the wedding room! It was basically a file storage room with a dusty "Michael's Craft Store $19.95 Special Wedding Arch' thrown in for the occasion, hehe. The arch had plastic swans with their eyes half rubbed off from wear, and the flowers urns were falling apart. There was also what Andy called 'The Nuptial County Records File Cabinet" and the "Nuptial Microfilm Machine" which made the scene that much more romantic, hehe. We really loved it though!

The secretary appeared again, but with the addition of a blue gown which resembled the ones you'd wear for a graduation, she became our officiator. Earlier we'd requested the ceremony to be non-denominational since we're Atheists, which I think was rather unusual for them. She stumbled a bit on the stuff she read out. "We're gathered here in....this company" or "Holy....um...matrimony". She gave up I think, because she repeated "Holy" many times anyway, hehe. It was so weird because the moment we took each other's hands to make the vows, it really was like being instantly transported to some other planet. I suppose it's like that for most everyone isn't it? You just see the other person and there's no one else in the world, the officiators voice was so far off really. I didn't cry though! Just got a lump in my throat.

The secretary/officiator asked if we'd like her to take some pictures but she was rather intimidated by Andy's big digital camera. She did that thing where she touched it like it would explode, hehe. She tried her hardest but she wound up only pressing the button hard enough for it to create focus points but not actually release the shutter. We didn't let her know though, we just thanked her kindly, hehe. While we waited for her to make the copies, we took some pictures ourselves. We were so keyed up it was hard to think of what poses might be nice but we managed. Half of them are nice poses and half of them are us hamming it up and releasing tension through funny faces.

The whole thing took under a half hour! Then we were off to locate the place we'd picked out to take some more photos with nicer scenery. This area doesn't have much in the way of parks, they tend to just be expanses of game fields with a walking track or two. We wanted to find something nearby that would make a nicer backdrop so we had searched Google maps for locations. Most of them were your average playing field parks, but we found a nature preserve. I was expecting a rustic place with the big wooden signs, lots of pretty trails, picnic tables, etc. That's not exactly what we found...

I followed the directions and they took us deep into isolated parts of the county. Long roads with rusting trailers in the woods and scattered farms here and there but not much else. For as long as I've lived here, I'd never seen the area we found ourselves in. The sky was so gray from the rain, and it was TOO quiet, barely a car on the road besides ours. We arrived on the road where the entrance was supposedly located, but there were no signs or anything, we just passed this tiny parking lot with only 5-6 parking spots and a red reflector covered gate behind it. Andy was like 'That was it!". I was like 'No way, that can't be f***kin it!". He's like "It was, go back and see". So I turned around and pulled into this tiny parking lot, there were no signs, no information, NOTHING.

Andy was all smiles though, and got out of the car with no hesitation to look around. I was like "Dude! We're gonna get eaten by f***ing BEARS!!". In the usual way of things, I was having a panic moment while Andy just commented cooly and dryly. He's like "There aren't any bears out there". I was like 'How do YOU KNOW?". He thought for a moment and was like "I didn't invite any to the reception". While Andy insisted that the info online decreed it was open to the public, I insisted that it couldn't be right.

I finally got out of the car and ambled my way in the sand in 3inch heels into clearing/ditch that was near the parking lot, with lots of trees in the background. I didn't know where else we'd go so I decided we'd 'Shoot pics and run", hehe. So there we were, out in the middle of nowhere dressed up in wedding finery taking wedding photos in a ditch. I walked through a patch of sandspur plants which got stuck in the hem of my dress, and Andy was walking through a patch of stinkweed without even realizing. You wouldn't know it from some of the pictures though, which came out rather nice in the end. I couldn't get bears off my mind though. That is, until, we honestly started hearing dog howling in the distance.

This area has had some problems with packs of feral dogs, so I'm assuming that was most likely what it was. With my imagination though, I was picturing hordes of vicious coyotes or wolves that were starving coming to get us. Even Andy's calm faded a little as the howls seemed to be getting closer. It was then we decided to haul ### back to the car and get the hell out of there. Still, at the end of the day, it rather suited us. The space cadet twins, with Andy's motto being "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time", hehe. We looked on the bright side. How many people have wedding photos taken in a scary isolated nature preserve with howls in the background? We do! hehe.

After that we just went where the wind took us. We'd originally had reservations to have dinner at a nice steakhouse in Tampa, but I wasn't up to the hour & a half drive so we wound up at a local Red Lobster, hehe. We'll have the nice celebratory dinner next week, and after some appointments we have to keep in the next couple of weeks, we're going to head to Savannah Georgia for a getaway.

So that's the [long-###] story of our first wedding or 'ceremony of cohabitation' as we're calling it. I tried to upload some of the pictures on the VJ gallery but I can't figure it out for the life of me. If anyone wants to see the pictures, they are here:

http://www.flickr.co...ittleladyzilla/

I set aside a special album with all the pictures, all my others are there as well.

Right now we're still just exhausted, and clinking our rings together like "Ha, you're my HUSBAND! I'm your WIFE, ha!".
It's a good feeling :)

Sorry this post went on a little long, it's just the writer in me. Just wanted to share & again thank everyone on this site as I am not sure this event would have taken place so well without all the help we've received here.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-02 17:22:00
United KingdomPacket 3 back in the post
I keep reading this thread but I can't figure out what's so upsetting? Maybe I am dense, hehe.

Is it really about whether or not the state department number works? [I might be off, I dunno, I can't figure it out].

If it's any help, Andy and I called the state department and we were actually TOLD to call the state department by one of the fine Scottish lads on the extortion helpline & given the number which worked fine. I tried to find the paper with the number to compare, but unfortunately I can't as it's gotten lost in the shuffle somewhere [I DID find a lost chili recipe stuffed in with my K-1 stuff for some reason, so that made me happy, heheheh]

At any rate, whether they change the number or not, I don't think it's unusual to call the state department as I've done it, and so have a bunch of people I think. Also, I got a lot of help from 'The National Visa Service Center", but NOT for particular details regarding my case as much as answers to general questions about the process [I had called to ask about whether or not Andy could visit while the K-1 was being processed and they were very helpful].

To me it seems like it depends on who you wind up talking to in the end. I.E. one helpline employee in a dozen might be the only one who knows enough to mention it, you know? I called loads of numbers over the course of an hour and a half when I was looking for answers, and went through many channels before someone gave me the visa service center number. Also, Andy had talked to a few different people on the extortion helpline about the same things before one guy actually gave him the state department number. So I don't think it's a matter of hidden numbers or anything, as much as how informed the people we get in touch with actually ARE.

Hope this helps?
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-03 11:36:00
United KingdomWe exchanged!

I'm panicking now.

I'm going to book the removal people today, already talked to AirPets about moving our cats.

Now we're having to give away a bunch of stuff; I think we need to hire a skip but my husband doesn't think so. Ha, ha, ha.


Awesome news! I agree with definitely hiring a skip. Just moving myself and friends out of apartments or 2 bedroom houses there's always a ton of stuff to throw out so I can only imagine what a bigger house would entail. I hope all the packing and shipping goes well :)

Andy chose Allied-Pickford for his shipping. They picked up everything on May 1st and they're slated to deliver June 15th. So I can't say yet whether they deliver on time, but they were very fairly priced and took great care packing everything up [Andy had brought it all down two flights of stairs into the front room since they would have charged extra if they had to climb stairs but I think most all are like that].
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-04 11:17:00
United KingdomVery nervous!! medical and interview in nest 2 days
You've gotten good advice, you'll do great. Good luck on both appointments & best wishes for the rest of your journey! :):):)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-05 16:28:00
United KingdomBritish TV ~ What Were/Are Your Favourite Shows?
I've looked at this whole thread and I don't think anyone has mentioned "Danger Mouse" or "The Young Ones". Am I old? hehe. I'll never outgrow Danger Mouse, my fiance' is my Penfold...

There are so many. I'm Alan Partridge, Father Ted, Red Dwarf, Little Britain [though I confess, only the first series really does it for me], Yes Minister, Goodness Gracious Me, Fawlty Towers, The Office, Inspector Morse, Only Fools & Horses, and loads of others. I love the documentaries from the U.K., like "Planet Earth", "Simon Schama's History Of Britain", and "David Starkey's Monarchy" as well.

I also admit that I will catch "Keeping Up Appearances" as a guilty pleasure and find myself laughing. I can't freakin' help myself.

My fiance' laughs heartily at the American version of 'The Antiques Roadshow" because Americans get excited if they have an object from 1912. He's like "1912!! hahaha! The doorknobs in my house are older than that!". It amuses him.

Just as aside for anyone who has trouble getting series on American DVD. I couldn't afford a multi-region player and couldn't find all the series I wanted on US DVD, so I simply hacked the player I have. Most player models have simple hacks available online, you just search your player model for 'Region Free Hack" or similiar criteria, and most likely you can find easy hacks. It's usually a series of simple inputs with your remote [like cheat codes on video games] but sometimes you just have to download a driver, burn it to a disc and put it in to be read. The main tip I'd have is to definately look at multiple pages so you find some consensus among users as to which region free code will work on your player [Phillips models are the easiest to find hacks for].

Everyone might know that already, but I just thought I'd mention since sometimes you can't get good series on American DVDs and not everyone has access to torrents and things. And as far as I know, there's nothing illegal about it at all. It's just a matter of making sure you get the right code for your model. Hope that was helpful!
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-04-14 14:14:00
United KingdomCr*ppy birthday to me
Cars are seriously like children, they know when to act up at the worst time possible. [Or is that mechanics are like obstinate pet dogs on a walk in the respect that neither do sh!t when they're supposed to?]

I do hope you get your car back soon, but more importantly, Happy Birthday Maven :) I hope by the time you read this you may be exhausted from celebratory *love* and many tasty ice cream treats :) [Man, I could go for some Mint Chocolate Chip right now...]
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-06-05 16:20:00
United KingdomThis is the waiting for packet 4 thread.
Man, thank you Jlivings and GaryandKris! Your combined statistics and info have been so helpful on these forums, your time and effort is so kind. Much appreciated :)

Called the State Department and their feedback pretty much just consisted of "It's being processed". So we still have no idea how close or how far we are away from interview. I've examined loads of timelines too, but I have a sneaking suspiscion that we're all caught up in another backlog wave or something. My fiance' sent his forms as he went along as well, starting back in January. He was instructed to do so, but now I'm feeling nervous that he should have sent it all at once. Didn't realize what a rep the Embassy has for losing things, though I shouldn't be surprised really. My contention is that you shouldn't be able to work at the embassy unless you've personally gone through this experience. Man, imagine how efficient they'd be then???

Want to thank GaryandKris again for pointing us in the direction of calling the State Dept. Many, many thanks for your help. Good luck to everyone enduring this wait as well, here's hoping for good news for all of us soon! :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-03-16 11:17:00
United KingdomHoney is coming for a visit, and I'm suddenly paranoid.
My fiance' has come to visit while the process is going on, and he had no problems. He brought his proof of ties as well, but they didn't even ask to see it. It'll be all good!!!! Have a great visit with your babe!
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-03-16 14:11:00
United KingdomTrying To Cope
Thank you everybody, your responses mean a very lot to me.

In response, I'm trying to move forward. Even after he told me he had feelings for the girl and wanted to be with her, I asked him to stay and perhaps we could get couples counseling. He outright refused. I spent awhile trying to reason with him, but he was cut off and cold to me. On Thursday he said the girl was nothing but a symptom of a bigger problem and she was just a flash, then on Friday he said it was serious and he wants a future with her. Thursday he said he loved me, Friday he said he didn't love me anymore and hadn't for awhile. I really don't think he knows what the hell he is doing to be honest, I think he is a screwed up kid really.

I tried very hard to reason with him, but he cut me out and blocked me off, and so I admit I did just start rattling off every nasty thing that came in my head. I didn't yell or scream, I just unloaded, called him every name in the book, insulted his masculinity, all sorts of things I have to say I'm not proud of. Some of it I don't regret, but I am ashamed of hitting below the belt. It's just something I don't like to see myself do, even if the person in question might deserve it. I guess I just wanted him to feel as much pain as possible, knowing I was the one who was going to be left alone to clean up so much of this mess while he's off with what's her face.

This morning I went for an hour long walk, something I haven't done in awhile, and it felt good. Something I probably should have done a long time ago, but somewhere in my messed up head I know that even if he didn't stick around to see these changes, they will still be good for me. This definitely was a wake-up call to end all wake-up calls for me, I can clearly see that he did make valid points about my attitude and health, points I really want to take on even without him. I am trying to cling very hard to what I can get out of this as a benefit to me rather than focus on what I've lost. It's a shame he didn't persevere, but there's nothing I can do about it.

In short, I'm not thinking at all about reconciliation because it's obvious he is a terrible communicator, he blows things so out of proportion in his head because he bottles things up that he convinces himself rather easily that things are impossible, and I don't think he has the sac to try. Also, I am not sure I could ever get past this, it would take endurance and determination I don't think he has and I don't feel inclined to give to him anymore. I am in such pain and feel such loss, there is a part of me that would wish for nothing more than to make another try at this, but I just feel it cannot happen. There is a part of me, however buried under all this sorrow, that thinks perhaps he did me a favor by screwing up like he did.

I feel positive right now, I'm making lists of all the best things I can think to do for myself during this time and I feel like I might come out the other side better than ever. What I hate is how up and down this all is, one minute I think I'm good and two seconds later I'm crying again. Suppose that just comes with the territory, doesn't it?

At the moment, I am just trying to reorganize things and start fresh. I don't really want to know what happens with him from now on. I mean, sure I'd like to know if this all blows up in his face, but I'd hate knowing if it doesn't. My common sense tells me it's just better not to know at all and just move on. I've just got to try remembering all the friggin' benefits of being single rather than all those crappy downsides.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-09-22 10:21:00
United KingdomTrying To Cope
Hey there guys,

It's really early Monday morning and I'm trying to get my head around the fact that a week ago, I was snuggling with my husband and chatting about the future, and it's a week later and he's gone. I keep feeling like I'm in the middle of some nightmare that I can't wake up from. I don't even know what I should be thinking about or doing. I know we've got accounts in both of our names, but I can't even remember all of them or what to do about it because I never thought I'd have to I guess.

I don't even know where he is or what his plans are. I don't know if he's going back to the U.K. like he said he would, or if this new girl and his mother are going to convince him that the best thing to do is stay here since he can (he just started college, he has his own car, own phone, etc.). He's known the girl three weeks, and I saw a text on his phone where she was like "I love you so much!". I asked him if he believed that, or what he thought that actually meant, and he didn't have an answer for me. I kept saying "You're throwing away four years for three weeks" and I made him repeat it to me. He said that he admits he is a coward, and weak, and spineless.

I just can't believe it. He did have valid reasons for being unhappy. I suffer with depression and anxiety disorder and in the past year I've hit a very low patch. I stopped going out as much and asked a lot of him, and I wasn't taking proper care of my health and diet (had to have emergency gallbladder surgery last year and only just now paid off the massive hospital bill, so going to doctors is something my whole family puts off because we have no insurance). It was one of those things where he just never spoke up, and I never saw how bad I was actually getting.

The thing that kills me here is that I feel he should have known I'm the type of person who busts my ### if I realize there is a big problem. Sometimes he would go out and I wouldn't go with him, but he always left it as my choice and if I said "No", he just accepted it like there was nothing he could do. If he'd ever said "I really want you to come" or "It would mean a lot to me", I would have. He never told me what his needs and wants were, I think he expected me to know intuitively. He never said "I need this" or "I want this". He admitted that he failed in that respect, but he wouldn't consider sticking with us because he was so fixated on this girl (who called him on his cell at least ten times the night he left).

I feel bitter, because there were stretches of time when we were apart where he made me very unhappy, but I stuck with him and endured it until it got better. He knew I did this for him, he knew I was on the verge of leaving him a couple of times early on but I didn't. I feel like I was so blinded by love that I failed to recognize the serious repercussions of putting my trust and faith in someone who was so immature and emotionally stunted.

I know I made huge mistakes and sort of got into this trance of bad habits, I just hate that he wasn't assertive enough to call me out and tell me point blank how he felt and what he thought because I could have done so much to change things for the better. Looking back, I know he would cringe at any sort of confrontation, whether I was really mad or whether I calmly approached him to talk. I think he was so afraid that I might not react favorably to anything he might of said that he just never said anything. I just didn't realize how bad he felt. Men often do that though, don't they? They have needs and wants, don't tell you, get resentful if you don't meet them, and then if they see some girl that fulfills even just one of those needs, they go off with them (sorry, that's unfair to men, I should probably say 'little boys').

It just burns me up that he's off with this girl (he's 26, she's in her early twenties) and I'm left here alone (I just turned 30 in April). I'm terrified of how long it will take me to get over this and where this will leave me. I am afraid I won't have the chance to have healthy children, I'm afraid I won't find another partner who will understand me, teach me things, and click with me like he did. I just feel abject terror when I really think about it. I am trying to stay positive, trying to focus on getting healthier, losing weight, getting out in the world more, continuing my writing, and all sorts of things. One minute it seems entirely possible, the next I feel so hopeless.

I have been calling on my friends, they're very good friends it's just they're all spread out around the country or they live in England. I guess I'm just reaching out wherever I can in an effort to cement the idea in my head that I'm not alone in this.

Sorry I went on so long here, if you've read this far I have to thank you so much that you did.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-09-22 06:26:00
United KingdomA Week Later
Hello All,

First off, I wanted to say that I do appreciate the responses I'm getting on this particular forum. I can see threads like mine are supposed to be over on the 'major changes' forum but I suppose I feel a little 'out there' on that particular forum and less willing to open up because this was the forum where I shared everything that came before. I just wanted everyone to know that I am still excited for all of you who are in the process of getting your VISAs to bring over your loved ones, I do not believe that just because it didn't work out for me that it won't work out for anyone. Hell no, I hope and believe just the opposite, that there are people in this world who come together, have a very special connection, and can make it work through thick and thin, and I certainly hope that will be the case for all of you. I still believe it can happen smile.gif

I can't actually believe it's only been a week since he left, it feels like a lifetime's worth of emotions, ups and downs, and challenges. I would say that I've been positive for the majority of the week but it's growing harder because I think it's sinking in more. Part of me is still in such disbelief that I keep thinking this is just one of the times he's left for England and he'll be back, or it's just one of those insanely asinine mistakes he's made that he'll soon correct. A rational, realistic part of me tells me without a shadow of a doubt that he's not coming back, that it's over, that it was the best thing in the end that we don't continue together. It's confusing, because we did have a friendship that I never had with anyone in my life, there were so many things we came through as partners and so many things we supported each other through that we talked about being so proud of. How much we had in common as far as interests, how much fun we could have together doing the most mundane things, how much we knew how to make each other laugh. It is so confusing to know how to feel, especially since he was still so affectionate and caring toward me even at the beginning of last week. It's hard to get my head around, and that void feels like it's just creeping up on me more and more. I've known him for four years and it's unbelievable how much your mind switches from being "single" to being "in a relationship".

In my more positive moments, I've thought about considering this next year to be my transition year. He ran off with this girl and I guess he's plunging into it and feels ready to start something with someone else (at least, he thinks he is or he hasn't felt anything for me for much longer than he ever let me know). I feel I can't turn it off like that, I wish I could but I can't, I still feel that love for him and all those emotions, I can't imagine how I'd talk to a guy now or even being interested in one. I really hate that I'm the one stuck with this on my plate while he's off doing whatever with that girl, but I know there are just those things in life that, no matter how much it reeks of injustice, just can't be helped. It's hard to accept that, but I'm trying. Trying to do it for my own good.

I've been taking long walks and tending to my health. My doctor gave me hope that what I am experiencing now with my digestion is just an infection and NOT ulcerative colitis. I'm hoping I can turn things around with a better diet and more exercise. I've looked into some face-to-face social groups in my area but I must say I am pretty dang scared. I'm innately anxious in social situations as it is, even though I crave them (now more than ever!). I'm hoping I can get out there, not to meet any suitors but just to meet some friends and construct a new circle (my close friends are spread out around the country now or they're in England). The financial situation is pretty dire right now because he took a lot of financial support with him when he left, and my Mom (whom I live with) and I are trying to figure out how to keep our heads above water because, as you know, the economic situation is terrible for just about everyone right now. There's so much on my plate in such a short time, but I'm trying to find ways to take it step by step and remain positive and optimistic.

Again, I cannot say enough how much I appreciate the feedback I've gotten here, from all of you. Like I said, I'm innately socially anxious and I'm terrible at reaching out to someone I haven't known for a very, very long time, and I just can't express how much the support I've gotten here means to me. This forum in particular, everyone on this forum has always been so kind and helpful, and I am really wishing now that I had been brave enough to keep in contact with more of you before I had to go off and plunge into married life and responsibilities. Maybe I can change that now though!

There's part of me that knows that this has only been one week and things are going to be so much better in a month, then two months, then a year, then two years, and on. I guess everyone who goes through this feels that, don't they? Just wanting to hit the fast-forward button to better times ahead. Oh, if that was only possible!

I am hoping I am handling this alright. Sometimes I don't even want to let myself miss him, or think about how he's feeling, or feel like I still love him because it feels so utterly strange and painful. Still, I'm trying to go through the motions as naturally and honestly as I can so that perhaps I might get through this as healthy as possible. It's even hard to cry because he was just about the only person I let myself really cry in front of, and it's hard remembering how I handled it before he got here. Just wondering if my feelings are similar to the feelings of others who have been through this.

Again, thank you for letting me vent on this particular forum. I do NOT want to bring anyone down who is looking forward to their futures. Like I said, I want all of you to get those VISAa soon and start your new lives together, I believe marriages (however they come together) can work, I've seen too many couples who have been together for decades to believe otherwise. I just hope that when I am ready, I might have another chance to have it too. I'm wishing all of you guys all the luck in the world just like I was before smile.gif

Oh, and I'm worried about my Anglophilia and deep love of British men. I've loved British culture and people from the UK since I was a kid and now it feels like it goes even deeper than ever. Deep down I still wish for a British husband because it's so damn hard to find American men who have the enthusiasm for all the British stuff I do, like if I said "Wahey!!" to some American guy, he'd be like "#######?". Awe man.

Thank you for listening, thank you so freakin' much.

--Laurie
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-09-26 14:23:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresSpelling error on my k3 visa
I think you should be fine too since it's just a simple spacing error and not them misspelling your or your sons name.

Don't you wish we all had some way of giving THEM penalties for their mistakes? Oooh, I wish we could!

Oath, glad to hear you got your passport back and just wanted to say "Congratulations!" and wish you the best for the future :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-05-12 13:13:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionPACKET 3


My fiance' in the United Kingdom is planning to request his Packet 3 directly from the embassy on his side as soon as I submit the I-129F. Has anyone else done this and is it wise?


I dont think you can request the pack 3 straight after the petition has been submitted your fiance would need a case number - but they can download the forms and practice filling them in so when the forms are sent to them they can send them back in straight away:)

Good luck with the petition and please remember to fill in your timeline when you have sent it in :) Thank you and good luck:)

Lina (UKC)


I'm not sure where we read that he could go ahead and request a packet 3 after I submit the I-129F, but I suppose it must have been wrong. Where does he download 'practice' forms? It was kinda hard for us to track down info on this ellusive packet 3.

Thanks loads for the reply and I'll definately fill in my timeline just as soon as I mail my I-129F off! :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-27 16:20:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionPACKET 3
My fiance' in the United Kingdom is planning to request his Packet 3 directly from the embassy on his side as soon as I submit the I-129F. Has anyone else done this and is it wise?
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-27 15:11:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionConsulate In London, I-134 or 1-864?


http://www.usembassy...iv/docs169.html
http://www.usembassy...processing.html
According to their site, I-864, which I find weird.

From within those instructions........

This requirement does not apply to fiancé(e), Kii or V visa applicants when applying for a fiancé(e), Kii or V visa.

The I-134 is used for the K visas (London) when it is requested to ascertain if the applicant will or wont become a public charge.


Thanks so much guys! Special thanks to AussieWench, you've helped with so many of my questions so far, I appreciate it so much :) You're a star :)

I'm glad it's the I-134 because the I-864 looks like a mind field!!
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-31 14:06:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionConsulate In London, I-134 or 1-864?
Hello all! My fiance' is British and will be going to the embassy in London [when that day comes!]. I was reading that I'll either need to send him a notarized I-134 or an I-864. Does anyone know which one they will most likely require, or is it a random thing?

Also, I am not actually employed, I'm intending to list my assets of $300,000+ and my interest income as proof of support. Will I need to start saving my monthly statements, and will that be enough proof? Should I hire an accountant for help?

Any feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated by this newbie [Should be sending the I-129F off tomorrow or Saturday!]. And, as always, good luck to all who are filing, waiting, or approved :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-31 13:21:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionI-134 Affidavit Concerns
I mailed off my I-129F about 10 days ago and I've yet to hear so it's still early, but I'm trying to keep abreast of what the next step entails.

I'm unemployed, but live off the interest of over $300,000 in Merrill Lynch investments. I'm pretty sure that it qualifies since if it were to be all cashed in it would amount to more than 60% of it's value on paper.

Here's the problem. My half brother's name is also on the account, as it was left to both of us but he doesn't touch it, he basically lets me have the interest. When it comes to the I-134, what happens? He'll be more than willing to be a co-sponsor, but there doesn't seem to be space on the I-134 to do that.

Will he have to do a separate one, or will I have to look into using the I-184 somehow? Looking all over for answers but it's SO hard to find any about this process aside from these forums and this site! Sheesh.

Thanks all for any help.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-09-16 15:03:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionI-134 - The Questions Continue
I've got over $300,000 in inherited assets [cash, stocks, bonds, etc.]. I live off the interest income, which is about 1,000 +/- a month. Were these assets converted into straight cash, it would be way over 50% of the value on my monthly statements. I'm pursuing freelance writing, but have not had a paying job yet.

Now, I don't come up to the poverty line with my income, but since I have so much in assets, will that make up the difference? Will I need a co-sponsor?

When it comes to a co-sponsor, does it have to be someone within the United States? I don't understand why they do not take into account assistance from the fiance's side of the family, or allow written affidavits from their side. I don't get it.

My fiance's mother has more than enough to help support him and intends to, there's no chance he will become a public charge. Her boyfriend would readily be willing to be a co-sponsor, but he lives in the United Kingdom. I don't see why they don't seem to take this into account.

Any commentary or help is [as always] greatly appreciated.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-10-08 16:56:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionI-134 Tax Question
I'm self employed, living off the interest of my inheritance. We've gotten our NOA2 and I'm gathering stuff for the I-134. I've checked the forums and it seems ambiguous as to whether or not I will need a copy or transcript. The copies are $39 and take 60-days. From what I can tell, I might not need to spend that extra cash.

I was thinking I would get a transcript from the IRS, and submit that with a copy of my last filing from my tax accountant, along with the monthly income statements from Merrill Lynch. Will that do or am I having wishful thinking here? Any feedback is appreciated.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-12-14 12:28:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionI-134 Question About Having An IRA
Just a quick question about the I-134 affidavit form.

I've got an IRA of signifigant value, but I do not know whether to include it's value under the "Stocks & Bonds" section, or the "Other Personal Property" section. I didn't think it would be regarded as a stock or bond since I can't touch the thing or do anything with it until retirement age. I wasn't sure though. Info would be very appreciated from anyone who knows :) Thanks loads.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-01-24 18:11:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionAnother Delightful I-134 Question
My inheritance [in stocks & bonds] is now about $317,000, and the annual interest income I take in is approx. $15,700 a year. I can reflect that the breadth of it can be readily converted into cash if ever the need be. I have all the income tax documentation reflecting all this.

So you suggest I enter "UNEMPLOYED"? I won't be going to the interview, so I'm counting on my fiance' to answer any questions.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-02-14 04:32:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionAnother Delightful I-134 Question
I've got to apologize in advance if I'm asking questions already asked many times, the forums are hard to search because the engine keeps telling me it can't find anything.

Anyhoo, I live off the interest income of a large inheritance. Upon filling out the I-134 in item #7, "I am employed as or engaged in the business of.....", I entered 'SELF EMPLOYED" but I do not have an occupation with which to fill in the rest of the items regarding what business I am in. I am at present, in no business. Is it alright for me to just leave my answer as SELF EMPLOYED and leave the rest of the question blank? Do I have to state I'm unemployed and just count on my assets and interest income to reflect that I'm financially secure? Any help would be appreciated.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-02-13 23:04:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionWE PASSED THE VISA INTERVIEW ! ! !
Yay! Congratulations!! Party all night baby, you guys have earned it!! Many happy returns and best wishes for your new life together.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-02-16 08:14:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionBlacking Out Info On I-134 Documentation
Hola VJers :)

I'm preparing to send my fiance the notarized I-134, the updated letter of intent, and supplemental documentation of my income, taxes, bank info.

My question is: Am I allowed to black out the account numbers on my bank statements, Merrill Lynch statements, etc? Everything else will be visible, just not the account number. I don't know if they keep this stuff, and it makes me kind of nervous to think it would be sitting in some file somewhere or on some desk with my account numbers visible, you know?

Anyone know or have thoughts? Thanks so much :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-02-20 07:17:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionEmbassy In London Changing Procedure?
I'm sitting here in disbelief, so bear with me.

My fiance is from the U.K. and as we've moved into the Packet 3/Packet 4 part of this process, things have been going very differently from the process many others seem to have gone through before. He received his "Packet 3", and it seems some of the forms he formerly would have had to send in, he was told to keep. There were also some forms he was told to send in that I thought were supposed to be brought to the interview [I.E. Police Certificate].

He's already done his Embassy medical, which he had been previously told would take place on the DAY of his interview. He's gotten the medical done, done all the forms he can, and sent in his 'checklist'. He was told he'd send in the checklist, and upon receipt they'd issue him with an interview date within a week's time. Were we mislead?

He called to check on the the status of the checklist, which they may or may not have picked up. He called the embassy helpline and proceeded to email the embassy with our case number. They go on to inform him that they may or may not have picked up the checklist, and that when they do, it will take 6-8 weeks to ENTER IT IN THE SYSTEM. Then, it will be 6-8 weeks to PROCESS IT and issue him with an interview date which will be 2-3 weeks from issue!

We were just devastated, moreso myself I'd say. From the looks of it, they seem to be changing procedures for whatever reason. It's just so upsetting because [as always] no one has to answer for this, you can't speak to a real person, and you're left hanging. That we're just numbers and words on a paper to these people, files on their desk rather than real people with feelings. I just feel crushed at the moment.

Anyone else getting surprises like this visa the London Embassy? We tried so hard to do everything right. I know that no one's journey is the same and we're lucky to be this far while others are still waiting on the 129-F part. I know we all face our individual crises and bumps. I just feel like I'm climbing a mountain and thought I was reaching the peak, only to come through the mist and see miles more to climb. Just really frustrated and missing him, I'd take a plane over there were I not hard-up for extra cash.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-03-10 10:23:00
US Embassy and Consulate DiscussionWhat Do You Consider "Packet 3 Sent"??
My fiance and I are waiting now for our interview date, trying to get a decent idea of how long it might be [though we know the variables are huge with this process]. I was viewing timelines similar to ours - Kat & Russ, Cabe & Corrinne, John & Caroline, etc. to see how much time passed between Packet 3 submission and Interview date.

Here's my question. When entering the date for "Packet 3 Sent", are you entering the date when you first sent in ANY form connected to Packet 3 or are you entering the date you submit your final checklist? My fiance' submitted his first Packet 3 forms around January 28th or so, had his embassy medical done, got the police certificate, etc., and he submitted his final checklist two weeks ago.

For my timeline, I entered the date he sent his final checklist as the 'Packet 3 Sent" date.

Just wondering what everyone else did. It only seems to be an average of a few weeks between packet 3 sent and interview date receipt. Since we can't get an answer from the Embassy, I was just wondering about the similar timelines.

As always, any feedback is appreciated. Like most people, we're just desperate to get some kind of idea of how much longer we have to go.
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2007-03-15 13:48:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresAbout To Submit First Petition

Good luck getting the application in the mail. My just went off Friday. I felt so overwhelmed with all the originals, xeroxed copies, and instructions sitting all over the place, but once it was organized into the application to be sent, the copy to be kept and sent to the fiance and all originals , it was better.

Let us know when its on the way!


Thanks for all the help. My I-129F packet is almost ready to go, just waiting on a couple things from my fiance' to be included, then it's off to the copy shop and then the post office! I'm just getting as much info off these forums as I can so I put it all together as correctly as possible. Everyone's replies have been invaluable :)

Good luck to you "Mybackpages"!!! I'll be starting my timeline as soon as I mail that baby off :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-28 11:35:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresAbout To Submit First Petition
Thank you guys so much for your replies, it's easing my mind more than I can say! :) I feel kinda silly asking about the affidavit of support with $300,000 in assets, but I didn't know if they looked at the assets themselves or just the income I live off of, which isn't much per month. Thanks again and thanks for the good luck, ditto to all of you :)
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-27 14:56:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresAbout To Submit First Petition
Hello to everyone! I hope I'm not about to ask questions that have been posed a million times already. If I do, and you reply anyway, I thank you for your kindness and patience :)

#1 - I orded a certified copy of my birth certificate, but cannot figure out what number on it is the "Number of certificate" they are requesting in question #10 of the I-129F. There's a big 10-digit number across the top, there is a district number, and a register number. Which one do they want? [I looked everywhere online for a clue but can't find one]

#2 - On the certified copy I received, you can see that my social security number has been whited out by someone on their side, I have no idea why. On the certified copy itself you can see that it wasn't done by me, but I'm afraid if I give them a copy of what I have, they'll think I did it. Should I send the certified copy itself or am I worrying too much? [I wanted to keep the certified copy since it was $62 and the only state issued certificate copy I have]

#3 - I am unemployed at the moment but have an inheritance of over 300,000 and live off the interest at the moment. Will this be a problem in reference to the affidavit of support? When should I start thinking about filling in that form and getting it notarized?

I think that's all that I'm worried about at the moment. This whole process has me so nervous because I want to be with my British fiance' and get married as soon as possible. I know it might be a long time, and know pretty much everyone here knows how hard it is, and how nerve wracking it can be. I'm so glad this forum exists! Good luck to everyone!
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-27 14:12:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresAPPROVED!!!!!

I made a congressional inquiry last week, which was made on Monday by my congressman and wham on Thursday an approval!!!

Thanks, Dwar49 and JenT for your help in that area.

My Birthday is tomorrow and I am going back to see her on Thursday. What timing.... unbelievable.

Thank you GOD!!!


WOOOOOT!! Congratulations!!
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-28 11:38:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresProof Of Relationship
Sheesh, I didn't think asking such a simple question would descend into such debauchery ;)

I'm still not sure what I should be 'editing' out of the emails I intend to submit, I read over them twice more last night and still don't see much I personally think would be inflammatory. I ran it past my fiance' and he thinks we should just be ourselves. We swear a lot but that's about it. I can't see how that would be a detriment? People ARE people after all.

Thanks everyone [everyone who's taken me seriously and been kind enough to respond to me with pointed and helpful answers, you guys are great]
TheZillaFemaleUnited Kingdom2006-08-28 11:50:00