biggish data

Tuesday

I find it very very wonderful that MENA hubbies are house-cleaning-friendly.

It might sound silly but i literally can't wait to be united with Rachel in our house and start doing all kinds of chores with her!. It's some sort of (bonding process) that makes you feel like you really are sharing responsibility and duties, and cuts away a lot of small arguments that might arise out of silly things when you are already stressed.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-27 15:50:00

this is th most stupidiest stuff ive ever heard of everyone chats on yahoo or msn or any of the chat places nothing wrong with it as long as u are friends you dont know what he is doing or does he know what you are doing .who's to say u arent chatting with other men u shouldnt be mad i love my husband and he loves me he has friends there in egypt but id never divorce him cause he talks that th most stupidiest thing i ever heard of and the biggiest laugh thats just and easy way out of being married i love my egyptian man we been together for 3 years and i trust him. you maybe dont trust yourself thats why u want a divorce egyptian men arethe best men any woman can get the should be proud they are honest men more than the american men i know i was married to them. but you should sit back and think maybe u chatt and found someone else thats why u want divorce cause u have no proof he has and he has none u have. so when u show everyone proof here then we should believe u anyone can say my man chatts with other women big deal god knows you may also noone here can say u dont they not with u or not with him so dont make him out to be a bad man when u probably doing it yourselfand if any one feels sorry for her well i feel sorry for u u dont know her or him so dont judge them or judge him muslims r good men and honest.

Hmmm (pumkin loves bear) ...sounds to me like (A loves A) for some reason. Coincidence i guess? anyway moving on...
As has been stated by Aya previously, when you are married to someone else you are not just husband and wife..you are the best friends in the whole world. If your husband is truly Muslim he wouldn't be talking to the other sex anyway and would keep himself to his wife as he MUST be doing. And EVEN if we disregard religion completely (for fear of this turning into a religious debate), Why would he want other (female) friends when he already has his wife? isn't she enough for him? isn't his wife capable of providing him what a man wants from a woman either emotionally or physically? Where's the notion or commitment then? Why would the word ( i love you ) mean anything anymore when he already has a lot of women to flirt with? and How in the world can this husband be called a Husband when he doesn't even give a ####### about what his wife feels or need?
As for the fact that we didn't hear either side of the story i think Aya's Amazing reply has been enough proof to you that people here knew Sandra from the start and that she would never do something like that after she gave a lot to make this one sided relationship work. He DID NOT deserve her. period.
One final thing... Egyptian men are better huh? well news flash for you... i am an Egyptian man... and i stand her and tell you that although you can say there are some good Egyptian men that can be better than others for their religious commitment that starts from a very young age or the way they were bred... those are not as common anymore...there is a general decay of morals nowadays for reasons that needs hundreds of pages to cite or even mention. No respect for women as human beings or at the very least, they lack emotions after marriage when they run out of their cheap love talk and realize they just want a wife that would shut up and clean, cook, wipe their asses, take care of kids, study for them, get the lunch ready the second he rings the door bell, massage him when he's tired, go to work so she can help with the expenses, manage after all this ####### to look beautiful enough for him so that she can attract him and keep his gaze off women in tight pants in the street, while he sits without even showering before he wants to be close to her and growing a huge belly exponentially (citing women don't care about looks like men do). Unfortunately and for all the wrong reasons the reason why a lot of relationships between Egyptian men and American women end up in ruins and that Egypt is a high fraud country is that the above sort of men are the ones usually attracted to the idea of marrying a foreign woman and start a new life outside their country. I AM NOT by any means accusing all Egyptian men who marry American women of this... we have a lot of successful relationships here and genuine ones at that. But the failure rates are higher than the success rates or else we wouldn't be labeled as a high fraud country. the reason why is that the idea of getting a visa out of here usually attracts the bad type of Egyptian men that i talked about. Good ones are always there... but bad ones are swarming everywhere.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-29 00:07:00

Thank you for your kind words guys. It is sad that it has become something out of the ordinary to be said and done. People sometimes forget the simplest of things that really CAN make a difference...all the difference in the world actually. The very basic idea of love itself is usually forgotten after a while until marriage either turns into a routine that you practice out of habit only or a selfish desire of possession and control. IF only people would remember this very simple idea: If you truly love someone, your greatest joy in life is to paint a smile on her/his face. What we need to realize is that we have been fused together in the strongest bond in the world. Can you burn your arm? Can you stick a knife in your own heart? Can you pluck the flesh off your bones? Of course not! because these are all part of your body!. Well... your partner is now literally the other half of your soul. Start treating him/her likewise...

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-27 16:19:00

I appreciate you post here, its so amazing how most of the men here don't see this as a problem, as controlling as my husband is, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would probally be shot. He has always wanted to know my every move, this is my first marriage and I really wanted to push and make our marriage work, I felt I was out of options when someone does these things time and time again a person can only take some much before it starts to damage your soul and it was making me seem like I had to made excuses for his actions, like the distance was getting to him and such. After long thought this is what I did. Im happy with the choice I have made and I know deep down in my heart there is someone else out there that will treat me with the respect I deserve as I will to them. My DHL letter to cancel the visa made it to the embassy today and I printed off to keep for my records. So I hope to hear something from them. I have also followed the DHL that was paid during our interview and its not delievered yet either thank god.

You know what? I think i can say a whole lot now, thanking you for appreciating my post and embarking on a long winded speech about how marriages should work and cheating men..etc... but you know what? all that comes to mind now is that not only one me but many people are proud of you right now, admiring your strength in these difficult times and your decision to stop convincing yourself with his excuses just to save whats left of a one sided love. For every woman here in this wonderful community, look at Sandra's example and be careful with whom you give the keys to your hearts to. Do not be shy to ask for advice if you lack the experience or just plain unsure. Love can be a double edged weapon and there will always be those (players) who manipulate this tricky beating little thing very well!. No woman who truly loves and dedicates her life for her marriage should ever be given any less than what she gives every day.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-26 18:15:00

As a matter of fact (a loves a) you need to understand some important points here. First, i do believe Sandra and i don't need to really hear about his side of the story to read the obvious signs of FAIL written all over this cheater. Second, being a husband not only means that you agreed to provide and protect this woman that chose to love and trust you with her life, but also to cater to her needs and respect her feelings. This is the barest minimum of your duties as a husband. Yes i said duties and not charity you give to your wife when you feel like it. What this man did is simply stabbing her in the back and abusing her repeatedly if i understood well. As for...

everybody speaks and chats thats not a reason for divorce

well if you have the right to tell your wife not to have affairs with other men i think she has full right to tell you to stop talking to other women as well, and you should be doing that on your own anyway. As a husband one should at least keep his wife informed of any woman he contacts regularly, notably work colleagues since you are not supposed to be having affairs with other women anyway for no reason. That makes them feel involved and gives them more reasons to trust you, and avoid jealousy to boot!.
Basically, all you need to do is simply sit down and ask yourself: "How would i feel if my wife ......?". Put yourself in her position and try to feel what she would go through. If you TRULY are in love, you will do so effortlessly.

Edited by Ahmed&Rachel, 26 July 2010 - 02:14 PM.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-26 14:13:00

I don't think i can add anything to what have been said before. All i can do it congratulate you on your strength. I am an Egyptian man and i do know these types, and assure you that you just escaped a long journey of torment, deceit and misery. As for his cheating i will simply link a reply i gave in a similar thread about another cheating husband.
http://www.visajourn...ost__p__4077966
May god be with you and stay strong.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-24 14:32:00

not fasting.... :(

Why does it have to be in ramadan mode? Feeding a person is a good thing to do any time of the year. Shes not muslim, she doesnt need to be in any ramadan mode. I dont get the logic behind doing a ramadan thing just for the sake of doing it at that moment, when your not muslim

Peace

and Muslims should give to charity all year round. Also she is not doing it just to do it. And to Venusfire, it is commendable of you to try and support your husband during Ramadan. You must really love him! You tried your best hun, and you should be proud of yourself for sacrificing for your relationship. No need to be sad, be proud you gave your best and understand that if you are going by the rules of Islam, you don't have to fast if you're sick :thumbs:

So you really didn't fail either way.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-15 11:43:00

I graduated from the Faculty of Arts, English Department. I guess there is only one Alsun, in Ain Shams right?

I searched for any jobs here in the same field, but found nothing so far. I would LOVE to be a translator again!!

Translation is grossly underestimated in Egypt (among other things) unfortunately, and compared with the rates you might find in the US you will be appalled to compare it with the rates a translator gets here. The trick here is that Arabic is not as needed as other languages might be, depending on where you are. Your best bet would be searching online for freelance translation work, that you can do from home, since you wont be able to leave your kids for now and commit to a full time job. You can have your money sent to either you bank account or a pay pal account, whichever you might like. Actually Babylon (the excellent e-dictionary) was hiring freelance translators in all languages if you wanna check it out.

Oh, and AL Alsun is only in Ainshams and El Menya.

Edited by Ahmed&Rachel, 19 August 2010 - 04:24 PM.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-19 16:19:00

An excellent post Aya as usual. Thanks for sharing this insight into your own experience. It was an interesting read since this is the first time you shared these experiences with us here. The "run-away bride" things is completely outrageous and i applaud your patience with the whole situation.

People usually get surprised that I went to college and worked as a translator.

Hey! could it be? a fellow translator? I have a B.A of English from the Faculty of Al-Alsun (languages) and work as a translator as well currently.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-19 15:58:00

Why don't they apply for a tourist visa? my parents are doing that.
If they can't, come to Egypt after you get your advance parole, and just have a wedding party here, we like our Egyptian weddings fat and big!

Well we thought about that route but unfortunately they had a severe financial blow recently due to a con played on them. long story, but to cut it short it would be quite impossible for them to pay the price of two tickets when their sources are tight for now. I do however plan Inshallah on making a small party when i visit Egypt again. Thanks for the replies and the tips Juni, and sorry for hijacking your thread Mandy! I will post my real experiences when i fly there Inshallah.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-19 13:30:00

Ahmed, my mom already started to cry even before I travel, just thinking about it, makes her ball her eyes out. Egyptian mothers

Well, my mom could give lessons about how to cry her eyes out when her kids are away. Once, i remember i had to work outside Cairo and it was just a short distance away. I would stay home for Friday and Saturday even before going back to work. She cried daily.

I just shudder to think what she will do when i am in another country. It is a a heavy blow to my parents that they wont be there beside me on my wedding day.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-19 13:18:00

I have to admit I'm so lucky that Wael's transition was a smooth one. He's loved the states since his arrival.
Got his license and car shortly after arriving and I do think this was a key in his adjustment. He was on his own
to search the city, and didn't have me to rely on. Everything was so exciting for him. Once he obtained his
year residency he began his courses to obtain his Bachelors in Economics which has kept him so busy. He
has mentioned occasionally that he misses Egypt, but in the same time he has said he could never live in
Egypt again. Of course he loves his country, his friends and his family, but his home is here and he lives
everyday doing his best in whatever challenges arise.

I love listening to him speak of how amazing America is. He loves to see clean streets, traffic
laws that are enforced, clean air, abundance of food in our markets....so many things we live with that are
taken for granted he sees as wonderful and exciting! I've always said he should have been a motivational speaker.
He always looks at the glass half full. Always tells me one can do and be whatever they so choose and desire here.
All one needs is to be committed to hard work and have the desire and motivation to accomplish it.

He is achieving the American dream and i'm so very proud of him.

I think i can relate already to your husband. I think i am going to be like that as well and i do have the same opinion about things. The only thing i am going to miss is my family. My poor mom is going to cry her eyes out for months every time she sees my empty room. :crying:

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-19 13:04:00

My fiance is coming soon, October Inshallah... and I am also very worried about this. It is obvious that he is already very nervous. There is going to be a lot to adjust to. :unsure:

I really hope he is ok, my stomach is in knots over this. But I do think that getting a Job is a great step in making things better for both him and I, so this is going to be our priority Inshallah.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-17 04:39:00

Meghan - I converted years ago, prior to meeting my husband, and fasted for several years prior to medical issues stopping me from fasting from food during Ramadan. I believe that my family (practicing Christian Catholics) was accepting because I was open and honest with them from the beginning. I don't think you can engender respect from your family for your beliefs and actions without being honest with them about it. While it may be an open secret, I think that you are contributing to the disrespect by not dealing with it head on. Honestly, I think you are contributing to issues by not honestly putting everything out on the table honestly. How can they respect and honor your decisions and actions when you're not addressing it directly yourself? They can easily be reading your ommissions as shame about your decisions. Why would they honor and respect it when you're not showing pride and maturity yourself?

I don't mean to be harsh and I hope you aren't offended, but from my perspective, you really seem to be contributing to the situation. You should not be ashamed of your decisions or hide behind your fiance about them. By doing so, I think that you're giving your family free reign to do what they are doing.

Also, with regard to not sharing with your family that you are Muslim until your fiance gets here, I think you are potentially putting your fiance in a very unfair situation. Your family seems to already have enough negative assumptions/feelings about your fiance and your relationship. Why not be strong on your own and deal with the conversion before he gets here so that your fiance will not be dealing with transition to a new country, etc AND having to deal with your family's feelings about your conversion all at once.

Just some food for thought from my perspective. I hope it's of some benefit to you.
Peace.

Bravo! Very good idea, found my family respects my decisions less if I am ashamed. Don't act ashamed and they won't see you have anything to be ashamed of!

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-15 12:10:00

People fear what they dont know. Just a suggestion, but if you printed out things about Islam and left them at their house, do you think they would read it? Or if you actually sat down with them and just told them what you are doing and how you feel, would they listen? If you educate them more maybe they wont put so much pressure on you. I had somewhat of a problem with all of my family and some of my friends when they found out that my now husband is Muslim. Mom wouldnt talk to me, Dad just shook his head. But after I printed out papers and talked with them about it, the more they eased up. Now they talk almost everyday to him on webcam. Just try! I wish you the best of luck. Take care!

Yes that's a good idea, my grandma eased up some when i talked to her about it and explained it to her. I think at first she was so ignorant about it she thought I was praying to several gods, maybe she was thinking Hinduism?

Either way, when the time comes and you do tell them you should explain some so that they can get an understanding of your new life

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-15 11:23:00

My mom has seen me in pictures with the veil and knows that I would wear it when I was living outside the US. She also knows that I have expressed positive opinions about Islam.
Most people are probably wondering why I dont just tell my family already. I am waiting for the opportunity to express my wish to convert to my family, although I said my shahada Ramadan 09. My fiance wants me to wait till he gets here (just had visa approved Aug 12) before we officially tell my family. My fiance is almost always right about the best way to handle a situation and I trust his judgment completely. He also led me to Islam and taught me so much about the way to lead a good life that I did not understand before, so I am choosing to remain silent until he arrives.

Ohh, I see. That sounds like a good plan, and it will be much easier if you have at least one person to support you, when I was converting my 2 sisters were happy for me, and saw the positive impact it had on my character so they supported me and even argued with my parents in my defense. You need someone to stand beside you!

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-15 11:12:00

Alhamdulelah sis, it's so good to hear that you are fasting! :thumbs:

Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah reward you for your struggles and patience in dealing with your family. Just hang in there, Allah rewards those who are patient and tests those whom he loves.

Some of it is hard to recall but when I first converted I think I was very forthcoming with my intentions soon after I was sure that I wanted to be a Muslim because I felt very strongly about it, although with my dad it was a bit hard to deal with and I think I emailed him about it. At first, when I was looking into Islam I guess because I was so interested by it, it was all I could really talk about to my sisters and my mother so I think they saw it coming. It's hard for me to remember all of the details, but my family did know. I was living with my father at the time and we basically did not talk very much at all, before or after I began looking into Islam so he just ignored me, until I decided to wear hijab and began to pray. He was very angry... Had several arguments with me about how religion is stupid, that god doesn't care what I do, and that He (god) is laughing at me (my dad does not believe in organized religion, but believes in a god that just "watches" us). He told his whole side of the family about it, and of course he told them his own version. He also made sure to tell them that Islam was an evil sort of "cult", sent them emails and website links that spread hate about Islam, said they treated their women like property and that I was an "idiot", a "stupid immature girl" And was going through a fad. He basically slandered my name to his whole side of the family. He told me that I couldn't pray in his house or wear the "stupid scarf" on my head and that I was degrading myself, and that anything pertaining to Islam had to be gotten rid of or at least put in my car so it wasn't in his house, so I moved out the next morning while he was at work. I moved in with my grandparents and continued to practice. My grandma was very upset, she cried some and would argue about Jesus, bring up religion all the time and try to get me to eat pork even by lying and saying there was no pork in her food. Also she'd insist there was nothing wrong with drinking. She still bugs me, and says "You have gorgeous hair, if I were you I'd show it to everybody!". Alhamdulelah though, some people have experienced much worse and have even had physical abuse. I am just glad I am able to practice Islam. Everyone's story is different and so interesting.

Again, May Allah reward you Sis, I am so happy for you.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-15 10:51:00

Where do you live in the US ?

Las cruces, NM :whistle:

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-08-03 22:23:00

AP Questions.

Referring you to the Waivers forum/ AP thread where you will get lots of moral support.

Yes it is normal for AP cases to be done in Washington as it involves checking one or more databases and possibly pulling the actual files. The CO always has final say in issuance of the visa but they wouldn't be spending the money on AP if they intended to deny you. Now keep in mind that is negative information is obtained then the situation changes.

The people at DOS are next to useless. Refer to the thread I mentioned and you will get lots of help there.

Thank you so much for the quick reply!. I did look into that thread now (AP tracker if thats the one) and wish i posted there already. >.< I would be grateful if a moderator would move the thread to its rightful place to avoid duplication. I hope the AP would not take more than 2 months. I simply do not believe what the CO told me about the 1 month wait time.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-12 15:31:00

AP Questions.

I just called the DOS and a lady answered my questions (after i gave her my case number for my K1 visa) by merely stating that our case is still pending in Washington under AP and that they will forward my case to Cairo Embassy after they finish, in which case the latter will have its final decision on the whole matter. Now my question is: Does the sentence (its in Washington) ring any bills to anyone? does it mean that it's more than a normal name and background check? do they send all APs there or does it have to do with something more serious like if they have doubts concerning the case? I know i might be over worrying myself here but hey, can you blame me? :crying:

What does she mean by (the embassy will then make a final decision? does that mean my case hasn't really been approved as i was told? the CO clearly said: "congratulations! you are approved." and that i will have to just wait for one month of a routine AP.

My final question is simply about how the woman from the DOS told me: " People mistakingly think that we know more information about their cases and ask us for details while all i can see is a page that has your name, your case number, date it left the embassy and its status." while other members on VJ said they were informed of more details about their case.

Thanks in advance!

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-07-12 13:54:00

First thanks for replying to us guys, i really appreciate your input on our problem. As for the sealed envelope, there is no tear on it or any other way to verify its contents and obviously i know better than to even try opening it. Oh well, i think i am just gonna go with the comforting thought that they put the medical report within the envelope. Again thank you so much guys for trying to help and special thanks to Darnell who always answers everyone's questions as much as he can

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-09-14 16:11:00

This is Ahmed, Rachel's fiancee. I actually remembered that i sent the medical exam to the embassy but with all the fuss that followed and the the AP i forgot about it till now. It is likely that they put the Examination inside the brown envelope so that's why there are no other packages just like Darnell said. Of course i thought it would be separate from the brown envelope and that's why i panicked and thought it was lost. Wish i saw your post earlier Darnell...would have saved me lots of trouble >.<.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-09-14 03:10:00

OK I see what you mean... Thanks for your help. He's searching for it now so I have no way of asking but I'll make sure to ask him when he gets back.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-09-14 02:04:00

Huh, You just made me realize how dis-attached I've become from the mess he must be going through on his side... what with all the planning I guess I kind of left him alone. Feel horrible now. :unsure:

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-09-14 01:56:00

I guess I am a bit uneducated on what files he received on his end... It appears to me that he is gathering all the papers and has everything but the medical Exam papers. Stupidly, I haven't thought much about all the documents hes going to need to come here... been extremely preoccupied with planning for his arrival. I guess I should read up on that more so we can go over it. Thanks...

Besides that, I don't remember how long the med exam took but hes due to leave Oct 1st... I pray to god he just finds it unopened. He just told me he thinks it's a copy because it looks photocopied so hopefully this document is nothing from that packet... but now we still have to worry about finding it.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-09-14 01:52:00

It may just be a copy that was found. I also need to know what to do in the case of a lost Medical Examination and if it's possible to just have it re-assembled.

Ahmed&Rachel

Not Telling

Egypt

2010-09-14 01:41:00