ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

The Christian minority had a strong hold on the government of South Vietnam. Persecution of Buddhists was a big problem. There were some Buddhists who joined with the VC mainly because of the persecution, and not because of any political leanings. There are some Christians who are suspicious of all Buddhists because of this.

This is why Xinh's dad insisted her ID show "none" under religion. He said it was in case another war broke out or anything. Didn't want to be on the wrong side of it.


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-30 03:43:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

My advice to any couple looking into this... is this...

Economics busts up more relationships than anyone would like to admit. Lack of money, struggling to pay bills, not being able to go out to dinner, let alone on vacation, is disastrous for love. You add the fact that no matter what you think of how you girl thinks, that she will not understand how life works here, that just adds pressure. No Vietnamese girl who has not lived and seen the western world will understand how many people in the west don't really have money. You have a house, a car, lots of toys, but no cash. No savings. They don't get it. They can't get it.

Get one's life in order economically before getting hitched.

Absolutely positively take the extra time to be sure the relationship will work. That means taking at least two trips, each about three weeks in length.

Just my advice, based on my own experiences and the experiences of people I know who's relationships ended up broken.

All good advice, to be sure. In my case, money really isn't a big issue. My biggest concern was how to prove 125% of poverty since taxable income was low the last couple of years since I was traveling and not working. But after some talks with folks here, I'm realizing (A) just how little it is I'm gonna have to prove and, given that, (B) that I've got plenty to show in savings and whatnot.

Now the "make sure you get to know each other and the relationship can work"....that one we're working on as hard as can be. And loving it.


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-30 03:39:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
[quote name='JimVaPhuong' timestamp='1306604407' post='4691280']
It's risky talking about the war. It's best if you don't press it. Even asking about the party affiliation is an uncomfortable subject, but it's one that must be asked. Belonging to a "totalitarian party" makes a person inadmissible for a visa.

Seems tougher for me, strangely enough. She seems totally unconcerned. Dad worked for the US army, etc. Mostly just a "politics ain't my concern" kinda glib attitude. FWIW

The new house sounds nice.

It is. It really is. Course, there's the subject of quality. When I went back the house had been lived in for all of six months and there were already plumbing leaks and other minor things that just wouldn't be acceptable here. But compared to most houses I've been in in Asia, it's top notch.

Phuong's mom lives in a small house on one of the market streets it Thuan An. The upside of this, for me, is that the market streets are usually covered with tarps, so getting from the cab to her mom's house without getting wet in the rain is a bit easier.

Flooding is one of the down sides to living in Thuan An. Being a short hop from a great beach is one of the up sides. :thumbs:

She called me from the beach yesterday. Definitely a plus!



The Christian minority had a strong hold on the government of South Vietnam. Persecution of Buddhists was a big problem. There were some Buddhists who joined with the VC mainly because of the persecution, and not because of any political leanings. There are some Christians who are suspicious of all Buddhists because of this. Thuan An village is not entirely Buddhist, and this is the first time I've ever heard of someone being suspicious of the entire village. Like Will said, his fiancee's family worked for either the US or RVN military during the war. It's interesting that someone would suspect them of being Communists.

Even before we all met Xinh, the Viet Kieu wife was predisposed to find SOMETHING. That much I'm sure about. When I asked about it further, her tone was extremely dismissive. And when I asked how she could tell Xinh's family was communist--she said it was her accent and body language. I'm inclined to discount the whole thing.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-30 03:30:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
Talked to Xinh about the Party issue. Spectacular though her English may be at times, it took a bit for her to understand the "have you ever joined the communist party. She thinks of party in terms of "wedding party". :) It took ??ng c?ng s?n for her to understand.

According to her, no family has ever been associated with the party. Her mom was a cook for the US army for years. Parents(or maybe just dad, wasn't clear) is a lifelong Thuan An resident. Her dad was a squadron leader in combat in charge of 12 men fighting on the side of the south. He was granted the land their old and new house sit on right next to the river, but the land was much much smaller at the time. Parents spent money they had saved for the kids education filling the river with sand to reclaim land enough to the point of what they've got now. Dad was arrested by the new government and spent 2 years 4 months in the reeducation camps.

Then he fished, mom sold the fish at the nearby market. Pretty much just subsisting. I've been in the old house a fair bit-as the only daughter she got her own room. She's 5'2" and her room was 3'X4.5'. about 500 square feet for up to nine of them--plus Buddha's room. Man, that room is sometimes the nicest in a house, no matter how poor. New house is pretty darn comfortable Higher up, so less flooding-in the old house there was swimming just to stay above water sometimes. They are very happy with a second floor. :) One of our planned dates was delayed half a day because she couldn't find a boat to get to me. :)

So barring something I don't know, it looks pretty good on the possible CP flag. But none of them like talking about the war. Most don't in my experience.

Told her Phuong was originally from Thuan An-she was tickled pink. She loved to hear it.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-28 05:34:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

Hmmm. Well, most of the people who are originally from Thuan An are not party members. I don't know how much you know about the war years, but Hue and the outlying villages were the scene of some of the bloodiest fighting of the war. Before 1968 Hue and much of central Vietnam were part of the south. The DMZ that separated the north and south was well north of Hue, at the Ben Hai river in Quang Tri province. The NVA overtook Hue during the Tet offensive of 1968, mainly to regain control of highway 1, a key portion of the Ho Chi Minh trail. The battle to retake Hue was one of the longest of the war. In the aftermath, it became clear that the NVA had slaughtered hundreds of people during the time they controlled Hue - mainly anyone they suspected of having any connection with the previous government. They were buried in mass graves. This became known as the "Hue massacre". Most of the old timers in Hue remember those days, but they don't talk about it openly.

Oh, I'm well aware of the Tet Offensive, the Battle of Hue and the concurrent/subsequent massacres. It is a big part of the larger tragedy of the war.

Just an FYI - if your fiancee is or ever was a member of the Communist party then she will not be getting a visa. If any of her family members are party members then it's possible it might cause you some problems at the US consulate. Many people were given land grants in Thuan An for various reasons, usually because the government was reapportioning land they seized from someone else. Many of the people who got land grants were not party members, but some were. You might want to ask your fiancee about this. This could be your "red" flag. :unsure:


Haven't talked about it much--political discussion not on the top of our usual list, but I know she and all her brothers have not been party members. Her dad has talked a bit about working for the US Army. They lived a life of near abject poverty but did get all of their kids through college. Theirs is one of the only houses on the main road flying a buddhist flag rather than the national flag, and there are no pictures of uncle ho in any family house I visited. All I really know about that.

Now, the VK that got angry--her father was extremely highly placed within Hue city government and after the fall they were harshly punished. House was taken, Dad was in a reeducation camp for 8 years, brother had to quit school at a very young age to sell lottery tickets. She was valedictorian of her high school, yet was refused entry into college for four years. She is harshly critical of the village of Thuan An, considering it communist. And that's what I know.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-28 01:08:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

Holy #######! My wife's entire family is from Thuan An! My wife and her kids were born there! My wife might know your wife! It's almost certain she knows someone from her family! :o


Holy ####### indeed! And I'm sure she does--from what I could tell, everyone either knew each other or was related. They've lived there since 1975, when the new government awarded the land to her father. I DON'T want to turn this into a political thread,(I'm a crazy lefty lib deep in the heart of Texas, got PLENTY of debate opportunities) but when I excitedly introduced her to my friends on the first trip, the VK wife heard where she was from and didn't speak another word to her. Literally, not another word-for a couple of hours. When we were alone, she pretty much SPAT out, "They're communists-they don't think like us".

But yeah, your wife'll know somebody in the family. She's the only girl with seven brothers. I'm sure--Let's see if I can do this. Mom, Dad, Bi, Cuong, Huong, Xinh, Nhin, Lanh, Dung(adopted), Brother I haven't met, and one brother that died as a young adult about 10 years ago or so. Here's a few of them at the new house.
Attached File  IMG_4916B.png   705.09KB   14 downloads
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-27 18:12:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

i don't really see any red flag if you guys are taking it slow and petitioning in 1-2 years?

also "zen" would be the farthest sound from "xinh" possible...if there's no accent then does the name translate to "cute"?

hue people are notorious for being frugal and cheap amongst vietnamese people so i think you got a keeper.


She's both--frugal AND cheap. I'm neither. I buy what I want when I want if I've got the money. :) Most of the time I think it won't be a big deal, but When she finds out the difference in upkeep costs between a Maserati and oil changes in the Camry...a little fur might fly. AND I'm NOT drinking store brand sodas! Other than that, it'll probably be good for me.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-27 17:41:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

It might sound almost be like "Sn", with barely any vowel sound between the "S" and "n". "?n" is more like the "un" in "unknown". Like "Vinh" sounds almost like "Vn", while "V?n" sounds more like "Vun".


YES! RIGHT! "Sn". I was concentrating too hard on the final consonant, which is a bit softer than the English N. But it was the barely present vowel I wasn't getting. Jim saves the day! My dad says "Zen". She answers to it.

Say hi to Phuong for me--I've read about your journey here and there--in the AP thread, etc. Nice to connect with another rural Hue resident. Xinh is from Thuan An and I've spent a lot of time there. Just talked to her--and she told me to relax, take it easy and take it slow. We've got time and great advice here on VJ. All tips welcome, even/especially the cautionary ones.
Thread posts, PMs, phone calls--I'm a lot less worried. It's gonna make the waiting easier. You know, til she disappears at the airport in LAX, if we're to believe ONE guy. :)
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-27 02:24:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

Also not feeding the resident Trolls.Posted Image


Yeah, point taken. Didn't want to be too rude my first thread--but I did bring a big bag o peanuts. Anyhoo... :ot2:
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 22:10:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

closed for review.
one post removed along with one quoting that post.
one member thread banned and global mod action requested.
thread reopened.


Ah, got it. Too bad. He's just a crotchety old cuss--kinda fun, really. From what I've read, he's got to have the record for thread bans. :P
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 22:07:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

closed for review.
one post removed along with one quoting that post.
one member thread banned and global mod action requested.
thread reopened.


Hmm. Don't even recognize what's missing. But thanks, *I think*, Charles! IMHO, reasonably aggressively modded sites tend to be more focused on the issues at hand and more enjoyable for all.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 22:02:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
[quote name='ScottThuy' timestamp='1306444140' post='4688279']
The USC had a utility account that never got changed over when he divorced... so when it got ppulled up it showed him as having the old address with his ex-wife and still living with her at least thats how it appeared... it cost him some time in the journey but he was able to resolve it when he found out what the issue was... its not that easy to find out what the real issues are when the think something is wrong...

Best part of the house fire, then. All utility accounts were in both names, and all are now in mine. :)
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 16:33:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

I enjoyed reading your story so far :) and I wish you and Xinh the best of luck in your future together. How do you pronounce her name?


Thanks! Glad to hear we're entertaining somebody. :lol:

:ot: But fun! More or less it's "Sin". :) I'm certainly no expert, but Vietnamese is tough and the letters/consonant combinations don't agree well with English. To give you an idea--Roughly, X is S, S is SH, TH is T, NH can be NYA, NG can be an M. And don't even get started on the dialects. G or D can make either the Y or Z sound, depending. The US State Department website lists it as one of the hardest languages for an English speaker to learn, with an estimate of 1100 classroom hours to fluency. AND...the central dialect seems to have a reputation for being the toughest. But then, I'm lucky. The ex lived in El Salvador for years and got her degree in Spanish, minor in German-all her friends spoke spanish and I spent a LOT of time watching soccer with her friends husbands. Plus, my brother is deaf, so I'm quite good at understanding conversations without speaking a language. It was a big deal in attracting her(and her kin) on our second date--me being able to keep up and participate in the family conversation even though I had to speak English to her to be understood. :)
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 16:28:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

Another member got jammed up by the HCMC consulate because they found a Utility account in his name at his ex's house... When there is a recent divorce, HCMC does more digging than other cases and much more than most countries would have done... To say it will not come up is not accurate...


Consolodated loans can be in the name of two parties depending on the lender and the loans being consolodated..it all depends on how its written... Sounds like you got lucky in your consolodation deal...


Will, is the outstanding note in her name alone or both?


My loan was added to her note. When Sallie Mae sends out statements and whatnot they send one to me and one to her at our respective addresses. So...both? My concern would be the consulate knock and not her dealing with the payments. Barring the unknown, she will.

Additional questions:

Will my ex-wife's attempt at a sham marriage some 16 years ago reflect on me or come up in any way? I really don't know anything about it except that it happened--think he was Peruvian.

I'm an Atheist, she's Buddhist. Her ID reads "Khong" for religion, but don't want to lie. Knock or no?

Will the cousin that married into the US attract undue attention? She's far away in Idaho and Xinh claims they are not close, having virtually never spoken.

I know I can get the info disclosed to the government via Lexis Nexis but is there any way to find accounts that we may still have together in advance? I mean, I found another old but active bank account today that I should have closed within the week. We were married a long time--I'm pretty sure I'm STILL missing something.

I don't meddle in her affairs, but I'm pretty sure she hasn't changed me as beneficiary on her life insurance and work benefits seeing as I'd have the kids if she died. Mention it to her?

Bought an expandable file today, began actual document collection. Sent small gifts today.

I'm happy. And you guys are already invaluable.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 15:56:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

Now that I've read all of your Danielle SteelSteele style romantic novel, I'll chime in my bell. (by the way, love your story. At least if a person like you spending that much time sharing personal info with strangers on the net, I'd think you're a passionate and caring person. I can't say the same about Xinh though since I haven't heard from her.....yet)

Aw heck, I was brief. :P And yeah, I share. I'm in tech and I am a member of lotsa boards. Not sure when she'll chime in, but she probably won't be talking to you. :)

Aren't you supposed to be financially responsible to your existing 3 kids? (child support).

My children want for nothing--'cept maybe that house I'm building.

When Xinh finally comes over here, she might ask for her own baby. Get ready for that now.

Ready.

You're assuming your X would be the same nice person forever. You do realize that people are just like the weather right? One day sunshine but the next an EF5 tornado! The same thing can be applied to Xinh as well.

People are people. They change sometimes, they don't sometimes. Ya lives yer life and takes your chances.

You said Minh was angry at you for NOT complying her request to get to know her relative (meaning Minh's family won't benefit from you, a potential Visa and chance to immigrate to the US. Gee what a surprise there). Right. No surprise.

Xinh has lots of relatives here (you have to assume there might be some relatives her family hasn't informed you just yet). Plus the fact her Mom was here twice. Xinh's family knows how to play the system!

I trust her until she proves otherwise. Just like I trust that you have my best interests at heart.

Sure, she makes a decent living there but that's actually scary for you.

Don't tell me what scares me. You don't know me THAT well.

She will eventually one day in the future ask you to sell your 401K, house, whatever else and move to VN to live with her and/or family. What will you respond then? Saying no? Then you're back to square one like right now, except a few years or decades older.

We'd have a serious discussion and do what was right for our family. I've lived all over--I ain't skeered.

Whatever you do Will, please take my 2cent advice which I learnt from one of relative "Earning/Making money is actually quite easy. Keeping what you already have is a lot harder than thought." You understand me Will?

I do. Ya takes your chances. Thanks for your input.


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 13:23:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
Sounds EXACTLY the same. Amounts are significantly smaller, but proportions are about right. 85/15 or so. In the decree, she is responsible for the loan and I pay her up front for my portion. My question is--will having us both on a single account be a strike against us? There doesn't seem to be any way to change it.

Student loan: I have exact same situation. My ex-wife was in Dental School taking 90% of student loan while I was doing PhD, taking here and there student loans to supplement my fellowship for living expenses. Loans were consolidated. Out of $300K, $30K where mine and $270 where hers. There is no way to separate them. You are stuck for the next 20 years wit paying your wife your portion. I have the same deal. However, what I did: I calculated my portion of the remaining principle ($25K) and just paid her up upfront. This becomes her problem if you do this and you are not stuck with monthly interaction with your ex. Just a thought.


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 13:05:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
Phu Bai would be infinitely better, of course. But the trip was a more or less spur of the moment thing and THAT DAY there were just no flights from Hue. Couldn't get a flight from Hue to Saigon my first trip. Seems to happen sometimes. Wish the flight could have just been late like always. :)

Why would you go to Da Nang? The airport in Phu Bai is much closer.

We went through Da Nang airport when we went to Da Lat, but that's because we were already in Da Nang. We went to Ba Na Hills the day before, and spent the night in Da Nang. We went to Da Nang airport around noon, flew to HCMC, and then flew to Da Lat. We were settled into our hotel and ready to hit the down before dinner time. :thumbs:


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 12:54:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

you should wait...get more evidence. mail her a homemade card if you're cheap once a month. save the receipts. get a better financial footing. get your divorce thing totally taken care of. once again, save every piece of paper, date them, put them in order. do this for a year, visit her, marry her, bang her. go apply for vietnam marriage cert while you're not banging her. go on vacation, bang her, save receipts to everything. go home to the states, begin visa process. better have a good job.


I like the way you think. :lol:
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 04:28:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

The only way yours would be smoother than Lucky's (comparatively) is if a CO showed up at Xinh's house and said "I heard you might be interested in a visa. I just happened to have a spare one here..." :whistle:

Decker's advice sounds spot on.

Spot on and about what we expected. No worries there--again, it's a matter of taking time--we know that and we're prepared for it. Better than blue, blue, AP/AR, white, resubmit, etc. Wanna do it right. Seems like it'd be quicker anyway.

The consulate in HCMC doesn't usually accept joint sponsors for K visas, but they have no choice with CR1's. That's if you decide to marry her first. Some people aren't comfortable with having to be separated after marriage while waiting out the visa process, and getting married in Vietnam is more of a pain in the rear than in the US.

I think I want to get married there--I KNOW her family would appreciate it. It does look like a pain. I'll probably be doing a lot more research to make sure I can cross all the t's. Money is easy to make, but I'm worried about the three years of tax transcripts. Willing to wait, but not THAT long.

Don't mean to rub any salt into your wounds, but the flight from HCMC to Da Lat is only 20 minutes. After that, it's another 20 minutes in a cab from the airport to downtown Da Lat. :blush:

Oh, I am well aware! Did it that way on the way back. But we started in Hue, which would have *that day* required driving to Da Nang, flying to HCMC, then to Da Lat. An all day affair regardless. I figured, what's a few more hours? I was wrong. :) Back to Saigon by air from Da Lat was something else. Emptiest airport EVER. Got there an hour early for the flight and we were the ONLY passengers there. About 20 showed up total. Then came the announcement "Air Mekong flight #XXX is now available for boarding. Please proceed outside to the airplane immediately." Went outside-there it was-THE airplane. Bus was packed to the gills--21 hours, one meal stop, one restroom stop. But I was the most popular guy there, with a handful of old Economists, other similar mags, and...a giant bottle of dramamine. They thought I was a god for that one. I'd think it'd be more available given that it seems everybody in VN gets motion sickness.

My wife and step kids are also from a village outside Hue, though my wife's house is in Hue. I like Hue much more than Saigon. Less crowded, and more relaxing. :thumbs:

Saigon is just a big city. Seen 'em all over the world. Hue is a slice of heaven. Love it.

And please... don't call me Chim! :no:

Jim, I'll never do it again. But since it's not me, it's so funny. ONCE. :D



Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 04:25:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
Great to hear! We're more than willing to take time. Just want it all to go as smoothly as yours. :yes:

You say you have a lot of red but you actually don't at the moment unless you file right away. Decker gave the best advice. Take more time and get the ducks in a row for the best possible outcome. Even with a CR1 you CAN use a cosigner but be honest and think if having a cosigner looks optimal. Since you have not filed yet and the relationship is still young then take the time to get to really know each other and in that time get the past behind and the future looking rosier.


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-25 22:49:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.

Buddy, first get the divorce thing sorted out. Second fix the house thing. Then get on stable footing with the finances. Then start on the visa deal.

Fair. Divorce and house are nearly finished and can't really go much faster. Got an agreement in place and just waiting in line. The house is nearly done and fully funded. I figure a month left on that--and it's gonna be FAR better than it was. Funny thing about finances--I've been doing what I've always done. Save, then travel. Repeat. :) But the biggest slice was the divorce. Had that house paid off. :) I'm comfortable--And I never figured on proving income for an alien fiancee!


Birthdays are interesting. Linh lived in Cambodia for a while and when the family came back, VN guvmint assigned her a new birthday and her sister a new country of birth. People like to assign themselves new birthdays as well. New Years and Christmas being top choices. Just make sure the paperwork is consistent across the board.

Linh and I have 14 yrs between us. Look at the photo gallery on this site and see the age differences.

Yeah, hers is Lunar new year. That's when she changes her age--but she celebrates her birthday on her birthday. Takes a while to get used to.

My mother in law didn't really like me at first but she thinks I walk on water now. Dad will come around when he sees you are serious. Like any other Dad.

Oh, dad's on board now. I've even seen him smile once or twice. :)

Keep all boarding passes, itineraries, hotel receipts, phone records etc. An expanding accordion file is awesome.

Make more visits if you can.

Oh, the FF miles are piling up. I'll see her every chance I can get away from work.

enjoy the ride.


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-25 19:59:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
Sure thing Jerry. I've been there.

The TL;DR version:

Met in November, visited twice.
Separated from ex in 09, divorce final in a few weeks.
Age difference 12.5-13.5 years.
Met through taxi driver I hired for english translation.
Three relatives in US in different states, far flung from me-one married USC to get here. Viet Kieu that introduced me to driver NOT HAPPY about our relationship.
Low income, decent house equity.
Only pics and email. Phone card calling has not yet been logged.
For the coming Dam Hoi-mom died but loved Xinh, dad not likely to come, kids and friends will.
Can't get my name off of Student Consolidation loan with my ex-wife.
More or less. :)
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-25 19:38:00
VietnamOK, here's my situation.
Hi guys! I introduced myself on the new members page(come say hi), but now I'm ready for a serious musing.

This is going to be a long post, with both relevant and irrelevant information. I want to tell you guys EVERYTHING and get your feedback. If it's too long, my apologies. But I've read through all 50 some odd pages of threads in the new Vietnam forum--plus the old one, plus plus. And I think I've learned what I'm gonna without some personal interaction. And Scott, Jerome, Huong, Chim, Kevin and his nightmare--I feel like I know so many of ya that I'm going to be a lot more comfortable here at VJ than with an attorney. When the time comes, we'll see--but my case is going to take some time before I'm ready for that. Now--jes' set a spell and let me tell you my story.

I was born in West Germany while my dad was in the service(Certificate of US citizen born abroad--which brings up question 10 on I-129F). My ex-wife is American born. We are both USC by birth.
My ex-wife and I separated (long expected)on November 1st, 2009 her sleeping at a friend's house while keeping up appearances with the kids(then 9,14,16). She announced to the assembled family that she was divorcing me with no chance of reconciliation on Valentine's Day 2010. My house burned to the ground May 23. I filed for Divorce (with a date of separation in the filing) May 28. The divorce will be final June 15, 2011. We are still taking each other's name off of everything. No biggie, but I am really worried about our student loan. The Federal servicer of the loan will not separate the two nor take my name off the loan. In the decree, she takes it over and I owe her the small bit that is mine. So I don't know how to handle that.

My ex and I are capable of speaking (coffee's probably better than dinner) and she wishes me well. Says, "you'll make a great husband-just not mine". The kids are all enamored with Xinh, though they have really only mostly talked to her on the phone. But they all seem VERY happy with the new addition--especially my youngest. This pleases the ex, so she is willing to help in any way showing our physical separation and real dissolution of the relationship, including DL with new address (which has the issue date), the rental agreement at her old apartment showing the move in date if she can find it, or any affadavit that might be helpful. She is an IRS employee well versed in necessary government documentation. In addition, she has attempted unsuccessfully to get a marriage based visa in the past. After our first child was born, we were not married and she moved 1500 miles away. She got pregnant by a man in the US illegally. They decided to pursue an attempt to get him citizenship. She miscarried and she lost interest in him. By then it was a sham marriage. The attempt lasted two years, though I don't really know any details--but it was abandoned. They divorced when I came back into the picture several years later.

The day after my wife made her announcement, I started a new job (you should see the pic on that badge!). There I met a man that was married to a Viet Kieu. She was here when he married her. After knowing him for most of a year I agreed to go on a vacation to Vietnam with them for two weeks. This fulfilled a lifelong dream of going to Cambodia and visiting Angkor Wat--wanted to do more than anything since I was SIX. It did not disappoint. After a few days of this I met them in Hue. The Vietnamese wife (we'll call her Minh) had been a cab driver before she came to America to open her nail salon. :) So she rents a private driver by the day and we toodle all over. That Thursday, my friends were busy and I went out alone. We drove a bit and after an hour I asked if he could hire somebody to translate. He called Xinh, his niece...though that took a while to figure out. You know, when a Viet introduces his/her "brother" my mind just inserts "generic relative" til I hear more. :P

At the end of the tombs, I asked for her number. "WHAT FOR?" "just in case I need someone to translate again". :)

I asked her out the next day after buying a phone specifically for that purpose. We did the "Good Morning Vietnam" dates for most of the rest of that trip. Always at least a brother or two, a sister-in-law, and a nephew in attendance. Got a couple of evenings alone together, but always in public. Coffee, dinner and the like. And I wasn't allowed to pay very often. She's an accountant with 10 years at the same company. Pension, four weeks vacation. Just built a new house for her parents. Quite comfortable for VN.

Xinh was born in mid 1982, making 12 and a half years difference--BUT her DL/ID/School records all record exactly one year later. She says her father changed her birth certificate because she was sickly and not ready for school. He did the same for an older brother. I'm guessing I find an original copy and give an explanation for discrepancies. And if the original shows the later date, that's just when she was born no matter what the family says? She didn't know my age at the time, it was just idle conversation at first--but I'm thinking about it a lot.

Once my friends found out how much I was enjoying being with this girl, Minh IMMEDIATELY introduced me to her niece, 19 years my junior and still in college. Minimal english. Would hum "dum dum DA dum" when we walked together. I hated it, and it has caused a great deal of damage to my friendship with her husband because she's PISSED I don't want to get involved with this girl.

I extended my visit for a week (HOURS in internet cafes on hold with American)to see more of Xinh. She invited me to her house three or four times that last week. It took a while for her father to warm to me, though the rest of the family all knew me by then. It's a great family and we all love each other.

Since my house burned down, I am currently living out of boxes. Had a lease for a while under insurance, and when that ran out I moved in with a friend while I await the interior being done. I don't know what documentary evidence I have of the first trip. Some, I'm sure--but I don't know how much. Pictures--a few, but some clothing issues, too. Had PLENTY of clothes the second trip--just didn't wear them. I'm wearing COMPLETELY DIFFERENT but IDENTICALLY COLORED t-shirts over four days that time. But, ya know--who thinks about that stuff.

Xinh's mother has been to America twice. Both times while I was in VN. I have only talked to her over the phone. I think it's a visitor's visa-Xinh has an uncle and an aunt in California that came over in the early eighties and a cousin (of some sort, don't know the exact relation) that married an American man a few years ago. It seems to be a successful marriage. Xinh has never been out of the country and has never applied for a US visa. When we talk of America, she quickly changes the subject to the two of us together and has often mentioned how easily she could get me a job. She's from outside of Hue and her ideas about America are based almost solely on old Hollywood movies. Seems every time I turn on a TV in VN it's Rocky IV and other documentaries about the US. But she seems a little scared of the idea even at this early stage.

I came back. We talked every day. We still do. I haven't changed to a phone card that logs calls, (I've been using the prepaid V247 card with a scratch off pin).

After only few weeks, introductions to the kids, etc. I started to talk about marriage. Told my mom I was thinking of proposing. Mom started talking to her. They talked most days--almost as much as I did. My dad has always refused to travel, but within another number of weeks my mom and I planned a trip to VN in February. She was looking for her passport when she had the stroke. She died three weeks later, I spent my birthday by her side. Consoling Xinh was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do-she didn't work for a week, wanted to know EVERYTHING about how funerals work here. It was a month before she got her spring back. Reading their email exchanges(which I had already been doing before the stroke--At one point Xinh nearly broke up with me over a misinterpreted joke between the two of them. I had to sort it out) are heart wrenching. They clearly loved each other. Mom was learning Vietnamese, and the two of them talked more about any wedding than I ever did(not that I wasn't on board). The last voicemail I have from my mother is last Christmas day, "Hi Bill, this is mom. I just got an email from Xinh, and (giggle) IF YOU DON'T MARRY THAT GIRL I'M GONNA DIVORCE YOU".

I left my job(I largely do IT consulting) in November. 2010 didn't look great with my dependent load and 2011 won't either. That said, I make plenty of money when I work. So, I'll be in a bit of I-864 trouble too. When the divorce is finalized the house will be transferred into my sole name with about 50K or so in equity. But I don't have much else. I've taken most of the last year and a half traveling, and so the cash stores are a bit bare, though I'm sure they'll build a bit before I'm ready to file. That said, my three years aren't going to look good. I know that most co-signers are binned, but if I had a CR-1 might it help? I've never been on any sort of assistance and of course neither would she. Man, that woman can find ways to make money!

Went back in April, stayed for two weeks. Met even more family--spent most of the time at her house and a few days traveling. Didn't plan well and had to take a 21 hour bus ride to Da Lat. Even though I thought to take more clothes, I didn't wear a lot of them. Many of the pictures are inside her house with her family. Have the boarding passes, etc. Saved a lot more stuff.

I had previously read the USCIS and State Department sites and figured I was A-OK. By this point I was sure this was what I wanted to do. Figured, wait a month for the divorce to be final and "bing" get the visa. Go over there for a big wedding to satisfy the family, come back and have a small one to satisfy the legal requirements. Live happily ever after.

Then I stumbled onto VJ.

Current plan is to wait for the divorce to be final, wait six months, go there with the kids and three friends but probably not my sedentary father for a reasonable Dam Hoi. Professional photographer, hundreds of guests. Then, if it's gonna be advantageous, start the proceedings for Vietnamese marriage. The VN marriage seems to be a pain in the #### and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to get off from work. Only a couple of weeks, so I'd probably have to go back to sign the book. Not sure. If we go that route, we'll have a marriage ceremony there in VN a couple of days after the Dam Hoi.

I haven't even really talked about her--but THANKS for letting me unload. I love her, she loves me. We are just fine with waiting--the getting to know each other is nice. But then again--after promising to go in Feb and not getting there til April--I could hear the tears in her goodbyes.

So--ask me again in a year or two.

Will
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-25 18:32:00
VietnamExpress mail the packet to USCISS

Neither. Regular First class with Return receipt (proof of delivery). In The US, there virtually is NO difference in delivery time between first class and Priority mail (Yes, USPS, I know they won't like what I'm posting)


Right. First class with delivery confirmation is cheap and quick. It's what I usually use for important docs within the US. Send stuff to the IRS regularly that way. For the absolutely irreplaceable, there's NOTHING like registered mail(the Hope Diamond was sent registered mail). But I'd side with Dau Que on this one--unless there's something special about USCIS, but I doubt it.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 13:58:00
VietnamHappy Birthday Anh Map!!!!
Congrats Anh Map--one year closer to the end of the game of life. :P
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-05 18:10:00
VietnamIf you can't stand the heat and humid saigon
Da Lat was really nice just this last April, but one word of warning--don't forget the sunscreen. :)
I chillaxed a bit too much and got a nasty sunburn. Very sunny despite the mile temperatures, 70 degrees or so all day. Great place though! Lots to see and do. We did Prenn, Bao Dai's Palace, Datanla--just to name a few things. The produce is top notch. Wine is a big draw amongst the locals-usually decent, cheap and plentiful. Got a few bottles-including some persimmon "wine" that I didn't notice until I got home was 35%! It was a good enough liqueur, but certainly not what I expected. :)
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-05 17:23:00
Vietnamfastest way to obtain travel visa
Yeah, my passport never goes anywhere. I see you are in California, so I assume you physically go to the consulate. I've gotten two, one through my travel agent and one through the mail, but in both cases a copy of my passport was submitted and a loose leaf visa issued. Sounds like I can do visa on arrival--but I'd rather not send the passport to the consulate through the mail. Now I understand though--thanks!

Hmmm. I've always gotten the 30 day single entry/exit visas from the consulate in SF. They're stickers attached to my passport. They stamp the visa as used when I leave. They also put entry and exit stamps on the opposite page from the visa. The only thing they keep is the stub from the card I filled out on the plane.

My passport still has visa stickers in it from each trip I've made to VN.


Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-03 13:51:00
Vietnamfastest way to obtain travel visa
So, with Visa on arrival, do you actually get stamps in your passport? I've only gotten my visas through San Francisco, which are paper and not affixed to my passport. No problem with the multi entry cause I can keep them--but the single entry visas are kept on exit. I'd like to keep proof of entry without necessarily having to pay for a multi-entry.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-03 01:27:00
VietnamThe late thank you...
:star: :thumbs: :dance: :thumbs: :dance: :star:
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-07 01:40:00
VietnamPink Achieved
Congrats, Guys!
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-05-26 20:27:00
VietnamFront loading Debate
I hear ya, Scott. My ex has been at the IRS as a taxpayer advocate forever (and yes, it IS the smallest department at the IRS), so I've heard some bureaucratic nightmares from overzealous/clueless/power-mad tax examiners in my day. Sometimes logic really doesn't work. I think I'm still inclined to front load a bit in a timeline format. So, let me ask--how did you front load your ex-wife's address into the mix? Was it mentioned or just the documentation, and was it recent at the time of petitioning?

Just seeing the recent divorce can raise a flag at NVC, but for whatever reason, the fact that they called me and asked for her and was told were had nothing to do with each other was not enough to keep the CO off of our backs... I suppose you could attach a timeline of sorts along with your divorce decree explaining the overlap of the two relationships... in theory if that info is known to USCIS then the consulate cant hold it against you but theory and practice do not always match..


Edited by Xinh_Will, 05 June 2011 - 07:30 PM.

Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-05 19:29:00
VietnamFront loading Debate

Agreed!!!
Last year there was the push to frontload to force info down the consulates throat... but IMO that does not happen since items that I had frontloaded.. were asked for in the blue slip... so the consulate will do what they want when it comes to evidence and documents...
If I had it to do over again, I would have requested the Lexis report before the initial petition... so I knew what to expect... I think the key to timelines as well as the rest is to be clear and concise... nobody wants to read a timeline that sounds like a lifetime channel mini-series...

I suspect that I was in AP at NVC because I frontloaded proof of my ex's domicle... so frontloading my file actually IMO cost me an extra month of waiting... at a minimum...


I'd be interested to hear your reasoning, Scott, because I was planning on doing the same thing you did under Jim's reasoning--Domicile has been different for nearly two years. My ex-wife has been and will be helpful if she can be-very amicable, such as it is(Not that I'd really want to get into it, but I'm more the bitter one). I've got emails from the end of the relationship in 09 showing her departure, mindset, and the finality of the relationship. She gave me copies of her DL with an issue date in march of last year, utility bill, and pay stub all at her new address/es. Plus I filed for divorce long before I met Xinh. And I do understand the importance of waiting as significant a time as one can, unlike you did, to submit after the divorce finalizes. But I'd want to show that the breakup is real, long standing, and unrelated to meeting the new SO.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-05 18:00:00
VietnamMy Journey might be over
With my fiancee, I worry often about the support issue. I'm lucky in that Austin has a large and vibrant VN community with a VN buddhist temple about 5 minutes from my house, VN shops are common. And I still expect the transition to be hard. But a small hick town in MN just might be too much for her. It's a cautionary tale, and I don't doubt that Tuyen is lonely and having a very hard time adjusting. An offer to move nearer asian support might be the only hope you have. Regardless, I DO hope it works out.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-08 11:13:00
VietnamMy Journey might be over
Oh, let's not go there. The homesickness right after a return trip home makes more sense, IMHO.

My sympathies, Kevin. I hope things work out for you.

Are you sure she didn't find another guy? There is usually a reason why women change their attitude so drastically. Hating where you live is a gradual thing, not all of a sudden, she woke up one day and wanted out.


Edited by Xinh_Will, 08 June 2011 - 10:47 AM.

Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-08 10:46:00
VietnamI have a son but never been married???
Not thinking about the poverty number, only clarifying the household count.

I have three kids:

My oldest is 18, lives with me full time, and my ex paid me support for him until this month when he graduated. He's moving in with his girlfriend and a mess of roommates July 1st because he's a stupid kid. :) As such, he'll be claiming himself for the first time next year.

I have a shared 50/50 custody arrangement with my ex-wife for my two girls, 14 and 11. There is no child support involved. Every week, one or the other of them moves from one house to the other. Each year we file for one of them on our respective tax returns.

So, as I understand what I read, if I file next year this would make my household size 4?

Me, both girls, and the potential foreign spouse.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2011-06-06 19:19:00
VietnamGetting MARRIED Friday at her house in Thuan An!
Wow, a couple of spare minutes AND a weak wifi signal to send a quick update.

Wedding is done, and it was an incredible experience! All at her house, both the small ceremony and both parties. Had one for family first then a second with friends after. Both were over 100 guests.

Rich, I'll give you a call when I get back 9/1--not sure but I might need to get your number via PM. Lost many numbers when I changed phones a while back.
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2012-07-23 21:04:00
VietnamGetting MARRIED Friday at her house in Thuan An!
I am here with my daughters, relaxing as I meet more and more family. She keeps telling me it's a small wedding--but the # of guests keeps growing and growing. So it's me, two kids, and a couple hundred or so of her family & friends Friday. :)
Xinh_WillMaleVietnam2012-07-17 22:44:00