biggish data

My twon cents worth is talk to ur fiancee in a nice way to the point that she will understand where u stand at with regards to finances.

We DO support or help our family and relatives only because we want to and NOt because we will obligate the american son in law to support the whole family everymonth.

We send financial support to my mom every single month and that is because it is my husband's promise to my mom,,it is my husband's will and with me working i am able to help as well.

Let ur fiancee's family know that u are not a BANK that they can take advantage of.If she wants to send money back home then let her find a job once she is here.

Thanks for your kind words. You must be Filipina and I appriciate your opinion more than most. I love my girl more than I can describe. I will talk to her and i feel that our relatiobship is strong enough for some direct discussion.

As I said, I want to help her family, but I think they are placing too much pressure on my girl. I want to discuss it, but I also, don't want to 'get tough' with her.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-05-19 16:18:00

I hear and read this all the time about only using "my own money" and have never understood are bought into this argument. In my mind, there is not really "my own money" in a marriage, only money that has been decided by the couple together to be ear-marked for specific purposes. Now, once the spouse is in America and working, there is obviously more money, so the ear-marked portion to help support the family could increase if desired. The "my money" argument reminds me of the old saying about marriage that there is "our money and her money."

I agree completely. I do feel that both the parents and my girl don't realize that in the US, salaries are larger, but so are our expenses. Things don't scale completely one-to-one, but the same type of expenses are present. However, there are probably many expenses that we have in the US that are not present in the Phillipines. Probably the other way around too.

I also feel that it is a bit unfair of her parents to put her in the middle of this right now -- we need to be planning our future and be happy. As another member said, we need to be separate and have a life of our own. I'm sure her parent's influence will be much less when she is here.

I feel that I need to talk openly to my girl and set the priorities. Obviously, our financial survival is at the top of the list. Farther down the list will be her parents and both our families.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-05-19 11:49:00

Thanks for your thought on the matter. I don't want (or mean) to offend any Filipino people here and I realize this is a 'touchy' subject. I do need to talk more to my fiance' about this -- and will. I really have no problem helping when I can and when it is really needed, like I would with my family here.

What is very strange to me is that in the US, you are almost expected to more or less flaunt your wealth in front of your new in-laws to say "hey I can take care of your daughter." A good job and income are expected. In this case I feel quite the opposite, almost that I should 'play poor' and talk about how I need a new furnace, kitchen floor, and drive a 20 year-old truck. The kicker was when she asked me to provide pictures if my house, so she could convince her parents that I was not rich. Somehow, I don't think this will have the effect she desires.

I am paying 100% of my fiance's expenses regarding the K1 and her travel here.

Maybe its not as bad as I make it out to be, but times are hard here too.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-05-19 07:37:00

I am dealing with a somewhat disturbing issue and hope that some of you may advise me. I met and am engaged to a wonderfu girl from the Philippines. We have files a K1 visa and are in the early stages. All seems good between us. BUT, according to the fiance', her parents think that I am 'rich' and have been continually pressuring my fiance for money for support, new appliances etc. Mind you, they haven't had the courtesy to wait until we are married.

The fiance', her brothers, and sister (who is married and here) are all apparently supporting the parents to some extent. I don't mind sending some xmas gifts, birthday, etc, but I really object to taking on "another monthly payment."

The whole support discussion almost caused me to leave the Philippines early when I visited and tell the whole family to "take a hike". I am coming off of a divorce in which my ex basically almost bankrupted us several times, so money is a real touchy issue.

I really don't know how to deal with this! The whole Philippine, support thing is totally backwards in my opinion. It seems the parents want their kids cut short their education and get to work and send money. In our culture, the parents want a better life for the children, and are happey when the daughter marries someone that can provide for them. Here it seems thay just want a handout -- very repugnant!

Let me say that I do have a stable job (25 years) and am able to save, but I WILL NOT be made to feel that any prosperity that we may have in our marriage must be sent "back home."

I feel that I must deal with this up front in order to be able to trust my new wife. I would hate to give her a debit card and realize that she had sent several hundred to the family w/o my knowlege.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-05-19 04:14:00

My only regret...

Amen brother, I feel the same way.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-07-09 18:07:00

What are your 'friends' saying?

I posted a couple of days ago about my age difference. Thanks BTW about the info.

I would like to ask members here (particularly the guys) what are some of the most outrageous comments that you have received after others found out about your foreign fiance'? I am continuing to hear uninformed options and now I am actually enjoying the crazy questions and advise. I think many people think that all you have to do is buy her a plane ticket and marry her when she arrives. Viola' she is a fully-legal US citizen. I wish it were that easy!

Here are some of my favorites: :blink:

1. She only wants a green card.
1a. She only wants to come to the US and become a citizen.
1b. She will run off and become a citizen as soon as she arrives.
2. Did you buy a child bride? (20 year age diff).
3. What don't you like American women.
4. Where is she going to live when she gets here? (with me of course)
5. Don't rush into marriage when she gets here -- give it about 6 months to see if you like her. (we are doing a K1)

I have been listening to this stuff for about 6 months now and would like to share.

Jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-06-29 11:11:00

Apparantly my girl did not go to a real BPI bank. Maybe something else. Thanks femloveron for the link. We now have a branch close to her house for her to get to Monday.

I hate this 12 hour time difference communication :bonk:

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-16 19:53:00

Thanks for the info. i think she may have went to the wrong BPI (the family one). My idea was that she gets the money at the BPI, pay for her visa, then keep the rest for the medical.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-16 12:00:00

She is in Manila. I think she may have gotten the transaction number wrong.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-16 11:36:00

I thought that you may pay for the visa at BPI? I sent the funds (XOOM) to BPI, but my girl is having trouble paying for the visa. She says that only certain branches do the transaction.

I didn't want her walking around with $600, so I sent it to BPI. This includes her visa fee, medical fee, and a little extra for transportation.

Any Ideas?

jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-16 06:48:00

Interview 10/7 Manila

Medical Finished :thumbs:

Vaccinations tomorrow.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-22 08:55:00

Interview 10/7 Manila

After all the messing around, we got an interview 10/7 at 6:45 am :thumbs:

Medical tomorrow, then prepare for the interview. I think we are set. I sent our evidence (chats, emails, receipts, I-134) via DHL and it's there.

Wish us luck!

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-21 12:09:00

Interview today Oct 7 at 6:30

Congrats. My girl is up to bat at 6:45 :thumbs:

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-06 14:58:00

Approved -- Kind of ;)

Sent the certified one yesterday DHL. I am blessed by having a good shipping departent in my company and a guy that knows how to really do international shipping. I did this before when sending my evidence. I'm thinking it will really only add a week on to the approval process.

Anyway, if my fiance' gets her CFO done and other running around (she needs luggage and other stuff) next week -- there may not be much of a delay after all. We are still looking at last week in Oct or first week of Nov for her big trip. I got a line on discounted fares Here that even gives a 'imigrant discount and includes the travel tax. But even better, I noticed that Expedia fares are falling.

Things are starting to fall into place and we both can finally relax.

Edited by spikedog, 08 October 2011 - 06:37 AM.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-08 06:34:00

Approved -- Kind of ;)

As someone has said, all I got was a copy with an official seal embossed on it. It is marked "Official Certified Copy" -- still a copy :blink:

I wrote a letter stating that this was the original document given to me by the court and used to make the copies for the application. I hope this works because that IS the original.

Edited by spikedog, 07 October 2011 - 07:32 AM.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-07 07:31:00

Approved -- Kind of ;)

Well the interview went really good and the officer sais "Everything looks pretty good here". Except, they asked for my original divorce decree (I submitted copies in the application only). The officer said her visa is pending until my decree it submitted. Another DHL package out today, there on Monday/Tuesday and back to the embassy by next Friday. It really only adds a week to the process, but it is a bit of a dissapointment :angry:

Oh well, I guess she will be here soon. Just now quite as soon.

Thanks for the support,

Jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-07 04:33:00

help with mama

I have read this and other threads and it makes me very anxious. Our time is getting short and I would love to be with my girl at her interview and bring her home, but I can't spare the money. As much as it bothers me to be away from her, she will have to go it alone for her interview and travel to her POE. She's a big girl (31), so I think she can handle it.

One of my rules about my journey is that it was to be funded only from cash. No credit cards or borrowing involved. I had to draw the line some places and it lead to a few discussion during our journey. When I was visiting, we did very modest things, but we enjoyed ourselves. I did stay at her parent's with her and paid a little "rent" and bought food to defray the costs. My girl (and her family) know(s) that I am not rich and want us to be stable financially when she gets here.

I hope everything works out for G&D in the end.

God Bless,
jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-03 09:41:00

Can I get a travel Visa in the states?

If you are a US citizen, you just need a passport. A temporary visa (30 days I think) will be granted at entry just by filling out a form.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-11 06:56:00

What is the PRISM seminar

Oh ok, the PRISM seminar IS the CFO seminar that I heard of. She attended it today and she did say that she needs to go back with her passport.

Thanks,
jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-14 11:41:00

What is the PRISM seminar

I just got off chat with my fiance' and she went to do the CFO, but did the PRISM seminar. We are waiting for the visa, but several of you have taken the seminars without the visa and went back for the certificates.

So, what is this PRISM thing? I haven't heard of that.

Jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-14 08:00:00

Express Mail Manila to United States

DHL.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-17 06:52:00

Another trip to the Embassy ;(

I guess another question would be: what recourse do I have if she is denied? Our case is pretty typical of what I have heard around here. My record is clean and my income is adequate, she was 'approved' pending my divorce papers. Whey received them, so I thought that would do it. It almost seems like if you give them enough time, they will dig up something.

I am very discourages and she is too. I really hope and pray this turns out positive, but I fear it will not.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-18 09:39:00

Another trip to the Embassy ;(

The trip to the embassy was a real disaster. Apparently, there is another person that applied for a K1 (a year ago they said) that has the same last name as my girl and they say they used the same picture. This IS IMPOSSIBLE -- my girl's pictures were taken a month or so ago. The other person has children, so now they want my fiance' to go back to SLEC and get a exam to prove she has never given birth! They say this will help prove she isn't that person. They also seemed to hassle her about the length of our relationship and gave my girl a real hard time.

In addition, she has to re-interview and bring ALL her school records to prove she is not the other person. After that it will be reviewed for 2-3 weeks.

Has anyone heard of such treatment? Will the SLEC test be good enough, or will whey thinks up another reason. Could this be someone's way of having her prove she really is serious?

Please Pray for us,
Jim

Edited by spikedog, 18 October 2011 - 05:56 AM.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-18 05:53:00

Another trip to the Embassy ;(

My girl had her interview on the 7th and needed my original divorce papers. After the interview, they basically said she was approved pending the original divorce papers. I sent them DHL and she got them to 2Go with her passport as requested -- the package was at the embassy on the 10th. Yesterday, she received a call from the embassy that said they wanted her to come in and bring her passport and documentation Tuesday at 8am. Apparantly, the caller did not know that her passport IS AT the embassy :bonk:

She will be meeting with a Philippino staff member, not a CO. My thoughts are that maybe they need to ask some more questions, or give her my original papers back.

Any thoughts?

thanks,
Jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-17 06:21:00

Well, we are going into our third week of waiting. The CO said three weeks, so something will happen soon. My email was returned with a stock answer that said the case was being reviewed and she will be notified.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-11-02 10:36:00

Well I wrote the following email to the embassy today. I felt I had to do something.

To whom it may concern:

As the petitioner, I continue to support the K1 visa application for beneficiary Mxxx Sxxx. I feel that Mxxx may not have expressed herself fully during her second interview. I have found her to be a very shy person that is easily intimidated by authority. I truly believe that she was being truthful, but unable to convey that due to being very upset. I have gotten to know her parents and sister during our application process and they are genuine, honest people. Mxxx and I love each other very much. I pray that you will consider all the information and give us a chance to be together.

Sincerely,
xxx x xxx (Petitioner)

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-26 04:30:00

I do hope at least rhe embassy will at least say sorry for the inconveniece once the results are negative. Did you pay for the test?

Yes, it was P2200.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-25 15:11:00

Well there were no finger prints mentioned. I believe my girl is telling me the truth. When I went to meet her, I stayed with her parents and brothers. I have been writing het sister and her husband regularly, even more now. There are too many people to keep the story straight if she was lying about anything (let alone another ID). This extra exam (trans vaginal ultrasownd) should prove she is telling the truth because my girl has not had children. The CO's believe this other person has two kids. My girl is/was not a virgin, but she hasn't had kids. :angry:

One strange thing was that the CO kept asking about our sex life and the length of our relationship. I will admit we did have sex when I was there, but we didn't plan it. It was only because we love eachother and that is what my fiance' kept telling them. I guess they think I ran off to the PI to have sex. I suppose some people do that, but why marry the girl, if I am just doing that. It doesn't make since :bonk:

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-25 13:38:00

They said our application was approved waiting on my divorce decree, but now are reconsidering based on their belief that my fiance is trying to be fraudulent. After the second trip and all the abuse, she was to go back on Thursday, at that time everyone was nice and they just thanked her for the required documents and said to wait for three weeks.

So, I really don't know -- its probably not approved.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-25 07:44:00

Well, things are not going real good now. As I have said before, my fiance' didn't have my original divorce papers on the 7th when she interviewed. I DHL'ed them ASAP and the embassy called her in a few days later.

At that time, all hell broke loose and they started accusing her of being someone else, asking about our sex life and intimidating her. According to them, someone with the same last name applied last year and was denied. The Filipino CO was convinced it was her and even said this other person was using my girl's passport photo. This was impossible! I think they even showed her a form with this other's name and my girl's picture that they had manufactured.

The embassy requested a female exam to prove my girl hasn't given birth to verify her identity. Apparently, they believe that the other person actually has kids.

I feel like they are prosecuting her for some unknown reason. It was determined that there would be a three week wait for review. I don;t feel good about this because I think there will be another excuse and denial after the wait.

Jim

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-10-25 07:00:00

APPROVED VISA IN HAND

After all that cr%p they put my fiance' through at the embassy, they approved her. In fact, her visa package has been at 2Go since Friday!

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-11-16 06:18:00

She's coming on the 29th

Tickets officially purchased. It's hard to believe that this is finally at this point. Although we are not finished with the journey, at least we can do the rest of it while living in the same place :thumbs:

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-11-18 07:25:00

She's coming on the 29th

We have set a date for the trip to the US. I guess it's time to clean the bathroom and change the sheets :thumbs:

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-11-17 10:13:00

Ok, I'm more nervous than she is ;)

My fiance' will be arriving in a few days and I seem to be more nervous than she is. I'm sweating all the details and the house isn't clean enough (I'm worried about that since I am remodeling).

I wish I could just relax a bit :blink:

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-11-23 10:02:00

she is coming!!

12 hours and she os sitting on a plane to Chicago USA :thumbs:

My girl is going to text me when she is in her seat, that means she is REALLY coming!!!!!!

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-11-28 09:20:00

A Very Special Announcement!

Congrats,

Don't worry about the age, I'm going to have a kid with my girl and I'm 51.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-08-20 10:24:00

It turns out that the bank teller took the 50 as a "service fee" by accident and only put 15000 in the embassy account. My girl went back to the bank and got it straightened out. It took an extra day because only the head teller can make refunds :whistle:

My girl was laid off from her factory job due to lack of work early last week, so she now has time to pursue the visa 100%. We were wondering when she would need to quit and the company made the decision for us :thumbs:

Anyway all is good now, she got an interview 10/7 at 6:45 and she is done with her medical. Things are moving again and quickly.

We both think she should be here by late October!

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-22 11:12:00

Thanks everyone. It seems that my girl didn't pay enough at the bank (50 pesos short). So I (we) wasted a day over about $1. Off to the banks she goes tomorrow to pay the remainder :thumbs:

. For the life of me, why would they accept less than the specified amount for a payment such as this :bonk:

It's like buying your licence plates on the installment plan.

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-19 12:37:00

Ok thanks,

BPI must be really slow!

spikedog

Male

Philippines

2011-09-19 07:48:00