ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Removing Conditions on Residency General DiscussionI-751 returned ( missing signature) what now?
I had my I-751 returned because I forgot to have my spouses sign part 7. I also had the money order returned. Just wonder what I have to do now. Do I fill in the missing signature and repost the same application with a new money order? or do I have to complete a new application with a new money order?

thanks
bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2011-12-26 10:29:00
Removing Conditions on Residency General DiscussionLost my wallet ( with greencard)
Ok, So I am freaking out. I have either misplaced my wallet or my toddler son has placed it somewhere I cant find it. I hope its the latter.
Anyway. I have my biometrics on the 30th of January and if I dont have my greencard what am I going to do?? can i take a photocopy?
should I call USCIS?

thanks in advance
Jon
bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2012-01-22 23:43:00
PhilippinesList of Documents to bring for Interview.
QUOTE (MikeeLucyForever @ Feb 25 2009, 05:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi All!

My interview will be on March 19, 2009 and I just want to prepare the things i will be bringing there. Been browsing old posts here that are related but still I am posting this coz there might updates from USEM that i dont know. Below is the list I made. Please help me check it.

Thank you very much for your time.



WHAT TO BRING TO INTERVIEW:

I. FROM MY FIANCE

1.Evidence of Financial Support

* Notarized I-134 Form
* Employnment Certificate
* Income Tax Return (Form 1040)
* W2 Wage and Tax Statement
* Bank Statements


2. Letters of Intent to Marry


II. FROM ME

3. Passport

4. Birth Certificate

5. NBI Clearance

6. Police Clearance

* Philippines
* Japan

7. CENOMAR

8. Visa Photographs

9.Completed Forms


* DS-156
* DS-156K
* DS-157
* DS-158

10. Supporting Evidence of Ongoing Relationship

11.Appointment Letter


thanks for the list, thats helpful to check against, though i have 2 questions. I thought the I-134 does not need to be notarised anymore, given that they have taken away the space for you to do it and you just sign it - or am i wrong? I hope I am right as we have not notarised it :-( Secondly I received my fiancees stuff yesterday. I am not too savvy on tax forms from the US, but hopefully she has sent me enough.. she has sent me three years of tax return transcripts. (2005/06/07) which look detailed to me..Do I still need W2's? She has just started a new job, but earns well above the required level - has a letter from work to say so and has a decent amount of savings shown by bank statements.. will what she has given me suffice?

thanks in advance
bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2009-02-25 15:08:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress ReportsAPPROVED AT THE LONDON EMBASSY
Just wanted to thank people for their wisdom and advice over the past 6 months.( iam sure ill need it again!).I finally got approved today! at the embassy in London. So happy!! :-) I still have to wait till June to go out to the US, but feels like a weight off my shoulders. Turned out the whole embassy interview wasnt bad at all, and I completely went over the top in preparation for it, in terms of documents and evidence..but better safe than sorry.

I hope everyone is doing well and things are progressing for you.

J good.gif
bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2009-03-23 15:39:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress ReportsSeptember 08 K1 fillers
Off to medical tommorow and I got a letter in the mail today - my interview is set for March 23rd!! anyone else on that day??
Getting very excited, though a little apprehensive about the medical, think I am all set and dont need any jabs
but who knows!

Hope everything is progressing well for everyone else.

Jon



Off to medical tommorow and I got a letter in the mail today - my interview is set for March 23rd!! anyone else on that day??
Getting very excited, though a little apprehensive about the medical, think I am all set and dont need any jabs
but who knows!

Hope everything is progressing well for everyone else.

Jon


bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2009-03-05 17:56:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress ReportsSeptember 08 K1 fillers
Hi, Hope everyone is well and things are progressing at a steady rate for you all. For those its not, keep in there, itll be all sorted soon.

I am just getting my stuff together as I got packet 3 on Friday.

A quick question I have, was that I have additional information that cant be fitted onto the DS-230 and DS-157 sheets, so i need to have include an additional sheet.
I was just wondering what is the format for these sheets. Do they need a specific heading etc., does anyone have a copy of one that they used and can send me.

thanks in advance.

J


bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2009-02-01 17:49:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress ReportsSeptember 08 K1 fillers
Hi Guys, first off congrats on getting the approvals and to those who have not yet..it wont be far away, get excited!!

It does feel as though we are finally getting somewhere now. Though me and my better half are trying to arrange a wedding across skype ( for a date we arent even sure of, who can come or even where in San Diego we can get, as its crazy busy! and at the same time trying to get all the information I require for the embassy and the interview..so lots to keep me on my toes, a little stressful to say the least.

Unlike some of you guys I have only just started to try and prep for filling in the forms required by the US embassy in London. Some of the information isnt exactly easy to find..i am not sure i can remember all the places where i have lived for the past 10yrs..must be old age setting in at 31 :-) One question i am having a particular problem with, is that I am not sure what to put for the question where it asks if you have performed military service? or have had specialist training in firearms etc., I trained with the University Air Squadron learning to fly and joined the OTC ( officer training corps) whilst i was at university in which i did get to fire rifles, but I am not sure if this is categorised as performing military service, given than it was really just training( albeit : VR - Voluntary reserve) and was not part of the full time airforce or army.

Sorry its an odd question, hope it makes sense. but just a bit unsure..you guys have any ideas? do you think its worth emailing or trying to call the embassy to clarify it?

thanks in advance
bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2009-01-16 10:07:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress ReportsSeptember 08 K1 fillers
QUOTE (uscandual @ Jan 15 2009, 12:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (uscandual @ Jan 14 2009, 11:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry all, but I need to vent.

I've been a member on VJ for many months but have never posted much, just a few times when I had questions about the process and filling out the forms, etc.

etc etc etc.......................


Well I'm really glad I wrote my long rant last night, because that must have been the karma I needed to get the CSC to do their thing.


WE"RE APPROVED!
Just got the NOA2 email and it's also updated on the website. Woohoo!!

For the record, we made it to spot #52 on Igor's list.

Good luck everyone else, they're coming through quickly now



Congratulations! We just got approved tonight too, so happy! I am glad i stayed up late to find out.
We were 152 on the igor list, not sure if thats ahead of time or not.
Best of luck to everyone. Hopefully all will get there soon!

bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2009-01-14 19:53:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress ReportsSeptember 08 K1 fillers
QUOTE (dilbert30 @ Jan 14 2009, 01:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have neither seen a touch or an update. I hope to get an approval or a touch soon...c'mon...


We got a touch today, its felt like a lifetime of checking the USCIS website waiting for something to happen.
Not sure what they are doing, but as long as they are doing something!!

good luck to everyone, lets hope the waits over soon..
bigticket77MaleUnited Kingdom2009-01-14 10:37:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Glad to hear things are getting better. My wife, who's been here nine months now, still goes through the ups and downs. She really wants to make a visit back home, but it will take a bit more time until we can afford that. I've been working with her on understanding what triggers the homesickness feelings lately. I guess its not so surprising its usually fears. Fear of work security, fear of getting back to work level she had at home, fear of a failed marriage, fear of what's happening to her family back home and loosing closeness with them, fear of just about anything. I've also began explaining the toll her ups and downs takes on me to. I don't think she really understood how this is also hard on the other side, if the person really loves and cares for them. All those statements about wanting to be home starts to feel like rejection after a while. I know its not really rejection, but still both sides of this situation has feelings they can't help feeling. I felt she was ready to start hearing how the other side feels going through this. Because its not easy on the other side either, and there does come a time we need the support of our partner to.

This weekend we're going to take a drive to the North Shore of Lake Superior. I had hoped we'd go camping this weekend, it would be her first time, but the place I wanted to take her was fully booked. I'm trying to plan a surprise birthday party for her to, which is a few weeks from now. Its one step at a time, and eventually homesickness will hopefully be something that doesn't really come up any longer.


I have been mindful about how my feelings may make my husband feel. I have told him that going back to the U.K is NOT what I want, but sometimes the ungrounded/not belonging feeling makes it harder for me here. I have never said to him that I want to go back home, but I have shared my fears that I get worried I won't make it here - I know I will, because I am prepared to allow myself to go through the feelings and hopefully eventually come out the other side. You are right when you say that adjusting is hard for both parties :-)

Triggers are a big one - sometimes it just comes up and you are not sure exactly why. It amazes me just how much culture is a part of our identity.

I think being realistic about how long it may take to feel like this is our new home is really important, and in the mean time feel assured that the every day routines we create will be a part of creating that feeling. I am going to be patient and share with my husband when I feel strange. Sometimes I just let myself feel like I am having one BIG vacation until I feel at home, which isn't so terrible when you look at it like that.

I have had the same kind of fears as your wife, with regards to work, my marriage and the future in general. I tell myself that being here is like creating a brand new life, and that comparisons are not really helpful. I am having to change my academic pathway in terms of my career, after doing some research, and rather than feeling bummed out about it, I am feeling excited about a new adventure.

This is a new adventure!

You know the old adage "no pain no gain"? Well, in psychological terms undergoing challenges can be positive for life experience and expanding your opportunities and ways of thinking. I remind myself on days when I am struggling that the feeling won't last forever, and that coming out the other side means I will have learned more about life and myself. I do my best to turn my experiences into positive new learning.

You are a good husband and your wife does love you!:star:

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 14 June 2012 - 01:34 PM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-06-14 13:32:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
Doing so much better.

I have more good days than bad and I don't feel depressed like I was feeling, but the lost/ungrounded feeling still finds me at times, but seems to pass as quickly as it comes. I have told myself that I may feel like this up to a year, from what I have read on here and researched, but that it won't feel as intense or difficult as in the beginning stages. We went for a trip to Chicago and being on the lake was the best therapy - I just love the water. When we returned my husband was disappointed that I still didn't feel like this is home yet, but I reminded him that I have only been here for 4 months. I know it will come with time, and routine.

My husband has a little more time now and has been very supportive about finding ways for us to connect or build routines together. I also have made a friend who picks me up once a week so that we can have little adventures :-)

I just wanted others who may read this to know that it's okay to feel down sometimes, and that it does get easier. I am feeling excited about the future.

Thank you to everyone who was so supportive and kind, it really did make a big difference.

Moving here has been one of the biggest challenges in my life and I know I have learned a lot about myself and my relationship. Looking forward is key.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-06-13 11:51:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
I am going to stay away for a while. I need to be submerged in my 'real' life and not use this as a place to escape.

Just getting on with life. :)
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-12 10:46:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

*thread


It's not depressing as such, more about real experiences. I am not giving up or wishing I had never come here, it's just a transition. These are temporary feelings. They are not about my husband or me, they are just about dealing with BIG changes.

I hope you can turn your perspective around that's exactly what I am trying my best to do.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-12 10:43:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

I would have LOVED to get my SSN 24 hours after arrival. In fact, I applied for it BEFORE arriving, since I checked the box requesting it on the DS-230, aka Immigrant Visa Application Form.
However, I've been fighting all week to resolve some stupid database problems that caused the SSA to be unable to issue my SSN, instead of doing productive things like gettint a job.

Is that MY fault because I'm a lazy sc*mbag? No, unfortunately, it's a CBP officer's fault, who didn't know how to do his job properly.

I received my GC, before even getting my SSN, but guess what?? There's a problem with the card, my fingerprint is not engraved in there. Is it MY fault if the guy supposed to check that GCs are good to go failed to see it ??

It's great for you if everything worked out so well. It's not always so easy for everyone.

And for the others, yes I'm French, and I do have difficulties understanding some people - notably, the USCIS call center Tier 1 agents... or people with a strong accent, whether it's from Texas or China doesn't matter.

Vicky and Larry: SSN battle possibly won. I called the local office today and was told my name is not in the pending verification list, which supposedly means that my SSN was generated. Of course, it could just be that the agent on the phone had fat fingers or couldn't read, thus not finding my name in there. I'll be sure next Monday as I go there (again). However, since the DMV uses the same database (SAVE) to check an alien status, if I apply for my driving license before the mess was fixed by the CBP, I will be sent to extended verification again...



I should just ignore that comment you were referring to -- aren't they called internet trolls, or something?

I am pleased about your SSN results and I surely hope it wasn't all down to some guy with fat fingers and actual correct information. You say you don't have enough knowledge to participate in putting together a SSN guide for dummies (no offense meant, just referring to that principle) and yet your post is full of knowledge. Experience is such a wonderful gift, ha, ha. If you change your mind, let me know, because I could do with someone to brainstorm with :yes:

Thats the spirit girl!!!!

**hugs**


Thank you. Lots of hugs back atcha. :star::star::star:
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 19:12:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

I'm not sure I'm the most qualified person to write an SSA guide right now, since my own problem remains unsolved as of today!

My yoga classes are "core power" yoga, so it's really an aerobic workout and it leaves you worn out by the end of the session... I recommend it to anyone looking for a healthy, mind-relieving workout.

I like your idea of writing an article about the trauma of immigration. It looks like a lot of people here seem to think that all the difficulties end when the visa is received (the happily ever after syndrom), when in fact, the toughest part is just starting. Emotionally, waiting for the visa is draining and unbearable, but adjusting after arrival goes far beyond that as it's completely destabilizing. My husband and I had lived together for about 2 years before he went back to the US, and I can only imagine how much harder it is for couples who live together for the first time right after POE.

It's not all negative, of course. I'm happy as a clam to live near the ocean, have access to Mexican food, and a lot of other stuff, including being with my husband again. But the anxiety caused by the situation kind of spoils it. And I think it's fairly normal, I just have to accept it and give myself some time to process the change.

I remember reading in the past articles about the life events that psychologists consider the most unsettling for a person: among them, getting married, moving to a different region (let alone continent), quitting a job, leaving ones appartment/house. We immigrants usually go through ALL of this AT THE SAME TIME. Change can be fun, it's exciting, but it's also always hard. When the "new" becomes the routine, the normal, then anxiety level goes slowly back down to its natural state.

Peace and hugs.

PS: pardon my Frenglish


I didn't notice that you were from France. Your written English is very good, (sorry if that sounds patronizing). My husband speaks fluent French, in fact, one of my french friends said that he could be mistaken for a local as he speaks so well - I like to boast about that as he is very modest and would be totally embarrassed by that :-). Plus, I don't speak a word of any language,except my own, ha,ha. I have always wanted too, so I admire that quality in people. He has French friends here who we have visited with and he lived in France when he was training to be a teacher and totally submerged himself in the culture.

You are right about the psychological aspects of this journey - there's a good graph that Nick-Nich posted on this thread, which represents a visualization of the process. I often wonder what it must be like for people whose first language is not English or quasi American English. It must be so much harder.

I am quite jealous that you are by the ocean, we are about as far away as you can get, but we do have the muddy Mississippi, which seems like an ocean due to it's vastness.


I hear the tension you feel about being happy to be together, and having new opportunities in life, at the same time as all the other not so good feelings people have described. People assume that as you are newly married and living in a new and exciting place that life must be perfect -- I am working my way to just feeling content :-) I think we will get there.

Keep me posted on your SSN battles. I wonder if my experiences may help? I finally got my card, today actually after a second visit to a different office. I picked it out of the letterbox while I was walking the dog, and then shouted "yes".

ps I used to practice Bikram Yoga, but I can't get to the classes here. I would also recommend that one. You go girl!

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 11 May 2012 - 04:52 PM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 16:49:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

If he doesn't understand this, send him here and us other husbands will have a discussion with him. Its his time to learn to be very supportive even when he's feeling pushed away. Its the least we can do for causing all those feelings :hehe: The hard thing is learning when to back off and when to hold on tight when you get in those moments. I can tell you its hard from the other side to. Coming home from work, tired and worn out, hoping to have your loving happy wife there, and instead finding an emotionally tormented bottle of conflicting rage facing you, and none of them are good emotions. But I have to say, in the end it is so worth it, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. Even those hard times have worked to bring us closer together and understand each other more.


I am going to show Larry this one - he will totally relate. I apologised last night for being hard to live with lately, and he said "you are not hard to live with you have just been trying to learn to deal with this situation". He either has a terrible memory, was afraid that I could have used any object in the bedroom as a blunt instrument, or he really loves me. You sound like a great guy.

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 11 May 2012 - 03:01 PM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 15:00:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

She does, dried fish, strange vegetables, fish with heads on, little angel statues, pork with the skin still on, orchids, little angel statues, vinegar that burns the tongue its so hot, huge bottles of soy sauce, rice cooker, little angel statues, cell phone chargers, noodles, 20 kilo bags of rice, did I mention little angel statues? lol
As to dust bunnies, they have fled the neighbors homes out of fear of her! My books are organized by author. My perpetually cluttered office is now so organized I can't find a thing.


Ha, ha, ha ,ha. You are funny. Your office scenario sounds like what I have done here. Poor Larry is trying to file two years worth of receipts so that I can go in there and perform my magic.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 14:57:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Hi, I didn't read the entire thread, but for the SSA not treating you as they should, I strongly suggest that you file a complaint online on this page

I'm having major issues right now because a lazy braindead guy at POE didn't correct my misspelled last name, thus SSA can't find me in the database they use for checking an alien status, and they won't give an SSN, although I am officially a Legal Permanent Resident! I filed an online complaint (mostly because the agent I ran into at the SS office was extremely unfriendly), and I got a reply within a couple days. Worst case scenario, it won't help, but I think it's worth trying, at least and if only to make sure SSA is aware that their agents are not providing acceptable level of service.

Next problem, banking: what bank are your husband's accounts with? Bank of America can add aliens without SSNs to an existing account, all they need is an address abroad to enter you as a non-resident alien. When you receive your SSN, you can go back and have them correct your status to resident alien. Sometimes, they'll tell you they can't (and it seems that's what they usually do if you ask over the phone), just insist or go to another branch. If he is at another bank, insist and have him say he's going to leave them to become a BoA customer instead...
(I got added to my husband's BoA accounts last Tuesday and my atm card is on its way, although SSA is screwing me.)

I can't really give you advice on how to manage the emotional consequences of this situation because I'm overwhelmed by all this myself. I've been here for just a few weeks and I still haven't found my balance, of course the whole CBP error mess I'm encountering is not helping.
I feel like a child, completely depending on my husband: financially, he's the only one working right now, I need to ask every time I want to buy something (hopefully, getting my atm card is gonna make this less awkward) ; in my everyday life, as I can't drive, I depend on him to go places and have to ask again ; etc...
He's very understanding but it still makes me feel pretty bad to be entirely depending on another person. I'm a 33-year old with 10+ years on the job market and a past experience of 5 years living in another country, and I feel like a 15-year old unable to do anything by herself. Of course it's terrible for self-confidence and I've never felt so vulnerable.
All I can say is keeping myself busy out of the house helps. I walk, I take the bus to go downtown/to the mall, I go to yoga classes at least 3 times a week... nothing mindblowing but it keeps me sane.

Frustration IS part of the process I'm afraid. As well as feeling like you don't belong, like everything is complicated.

I feel angry at my husband too. I know it's not his fault, but sometimes I can't help feeling like he's responsible for putting me in such a difficult situation. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be coping with all that, right? It sounds silly but that's the kind of feeling you can't suppress. This is just misdirected anger, don't feel guilty for it but try to vent it without throwing it to his face. When you feel more secure, it will go away.

Give yourself some time. Eventually, things will come together and we'll be finding our own routine here.



First off let me give you a hug ((((((()))))))) (I think that's a virtual one :))

I can TOTALY relate to the feelings you have expressed about feeling vulnerable, and I think that's been one of the hardest issues for me to deal with. My epiphany today was that just because I feel vulnerable it doesn't mean anything terrible is going to happen. Once I made that distinction I can honestly say that a load has been lifted off my shoulders. One of the positives of that vulnerbale feeling is about learning just how much you trust your husband. I have to work hard at not feeling helpless and remembering these are temporary measures being places on me. Apart from that, yer, anger and frustration are a normal reaction to an extraordinary event, and I would say that relocating and marrying are pretty extraordinary from the everyday.

I am glad you have yoga, because exercise helps release the good endorphins. They do Pilates classes at the gym I go, but for now I feel like I need to power all those feelings out of my body by going crazy with some mad cardio sessions, ha, ha.

The confidence issue is a real hard one, especially when you are used to being so independent, I can relate to that. I think you are right about keeping busy, and remembering that the person you are in those normal contexts is still the person you are, but first you have to come to terms with the temporary changes immigration places on you. I think I would like to put an article together on how traumatic the immigration process can be for people. There must be a less emotionally harmful way of doing this - like having properly trained SSA offices - gits!

I am trying to put together a exhaustive SSN guide for people on here, because it seems like it's a real headache for a lot of people. Maybe you would like to help me out with that? No pressure, just an idea???

You are right that soon we will feel like "normal' again. In the meantime I will think of ways of making the world a better place to live, ha, ha.

Thanks for your candid response. You remind me a little of me by the way you write, which of course is a compliment. :P

Keep your chin up girl and know you are not alone. Not at all!
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 14:53:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Congrats! He sounds like a very caring husband, even if he is a little too busy now. Maybe he guessed you needed this push to feel comfortable girlieing up the place? Is that even a real word?


I think it should be, ha, ha. We could push for it to be added to the urban dictionary - definition = moving stuff around, flowers, soft furnishings, the sweet smell of roses, free of dust bunnies. :lol:

I hope your new wife continues to fill your house with things that make her feel at home :lol:

Thank you.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 13:12:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
GOOD NEWS!

My husband wants to make me joint owner of the house. He is scheduling it as I type. I don't quite feel like I have deserved that title as yet, but it is a great feeling :D So, now when I want to girlie the place up I can feel legitimate about it. :P

Yay! Today is turning out to be a great day!

:star: Yay! La, la, la, la, la. Yay! :star:

Thanks everyone for all your input and lovely messages and support. I am going to think about how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful husband who loves me. :dance:
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 12:37:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

i should get my visa in September, but wont move until December so that I can have a decent amount of money saved up and my fiance is just graduating from college. i am in vegas right now though. elora is asleep and im still suffering a bit of jetlag so up early. shes off work today so i am excited to spend a full day with her. i am here until sunday then go to work in phoenix for a few days, then fly back on thursday, before going home saturday. then 2 weeks later i come back for 2 weeks. so right now i am in a really happy place. feel very positive about my future.

yes i am going to do things like that. do you have a world market near you? they sell food from all over the world including the UK. my fiances mother is very sweet and even when i visit she has cadburys chocolate in her house. i am going to join a soccer/football team as well and will get the fox soccer channel so i can keep up with spurs games.

my work have an office in LA and i am quietly confident they will offer me a position there when i get my EAD. i have friends there already from working. Elora has said she would move there without hesitation just like she would with england. even if that doesnt work with the job in LA i am confident things will work out.



I can feel your happy place, because it comes across even the page :star: It sounds like you have enough visits and things planned before the move to keep you occupied. LA would be really exciting! I hope they offer you that job. What exciting times ahead you have. Keep hold of that feeling.

We have a global here too! So far I have purchased Marmite and Branston. Your fiancee's family sound wonderful, too.

Enjoy today! Really enjoy it!

C'mon you Spurs, ha, ha. Larry is an avid Liverpool fan and my son, too.

Keep me posted on what's what and if you ever need any help or advice just pm me.

Have fun today!!!! :dance:

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 11 May 2012 - 10:39 AM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 10:36:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

You haven't been putting any of your own touches on the place yet? Yes, definitely, positively, get some of your own personal touches on the place. Ask to repaint a room, go shopping for a picture to hang, or some photographs, plant flowers and vegetables if you like them. I had just bought a new home while we were waiting for the K-1 approval. I purposely did not decorate until she got here. She's also a devote Catholic, and having a shrine is a custom. I made sure there was a prime spot for that shrine to be set up. The first week she was here we went searching for the proper Mary statue to be on that shrine. Had to order it, as it wasn't a common one here, but we got it. That shrine is seen by anyone coming into the home. She hasn't asked for a lot of things to go up, thinking to her place back home she kept things simple. But she has definitely put her mark on the place. Pictures of our wedding we real important to her to, so they're up there now. Flowers, which she absolutely loves, so besides always having fresh cut flowers, we now have indoor flowering plants and quite a few outdoor flowers now that it has warmed up. Its taken her a while, but shes feeling more and more like this is our home, and not my house. Putting her own touches on it, is part of how she's gotten to feel that way. Heck try rearranging the furniture even. Anything to change your mind from the trap of thinking its his house and not your home together. Because it is a trap you put on yourself and only you can lift yourself out of it.


I like what you said about how I feel about this place is a trap I place on my own mind. That's a great visual for me and a great metaphor. I have definitely fallen into that trap at times, but I have totally rearranged the main living areas. I feel sensitive to my husbands feelings, and although he has given me explicit permission to do whatever I like to make it feel like home, I feel concerned about making it not feel like his. I think it's a balance. It still looks like a guy lives here alone in some ways. We have gone out and replaced some things, but there is still plenty more to be done. I like it when we buy things together, because it makes it feel like 'our' things, and in time it will feel like our things in our home.

You sound like a wonderful husband being so thoughtful and wise.

I was eying up some houseplants the other day :lol: (maybe this weekend).
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 10:30:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

was just a bit of tough love. i figured you had 5 pages of nicey nicey and it wasnt really helping. i have shown all your posts to my fiance. its helped us plan ahead. in return i just want to help you.

i think in general myself and my fiance have a few advantages over yourself and larry so i do feel for you. we will be moving into a new place together, no kids, i will have the equivalent of her salary saved up, i can drive already etc. i really feel for you. but you will make it if you love the way that I do.

personally i am a person of faith as well. this helps me when i am in a sad place. not sure if thats something for you but you need to find solace somewhere.

in all honesty it may even be worthwhile showing this to larry. your vows will have said in sickness and in health, good times and bad. right now your sick, right now is a bad time and he needs to be there for you. his job means nothing compared to your happiness and your marriage working.


You are good. :yes: I am glad that my whining and moaning has at least helped the both of you prepare. I think the more prep you do the easier it will feel. I do feel so much better today. Larry and I Plurk (like twitter) every day while he's at work and I told him a little while ago that I had my epiphany about how I have been feeling and why. He said he knew that I would figure things out. He's been so very patient at times - he is a full-time senior English teacher, doing a Doctorate and learning how to be a step-dad to a 16 year old, whom is alos attending the school he works at. We are planning on going for a hike at the weekend and taking cheese and Branston pickle sandwiches. :D

Bring things with you that help you feel grounded - sentimental keep sakes, pictures whatever it is. I like to burn incense, my favourite kind, because the smell reminds me of feeling like I am at home.

When do you arrive?

Thanks for the tough love.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 10:14:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Marrage is hard for anyone, and the situation you put yourself in by choice is tough but you must have known this from the beginning.


Of course I knew it would be tough, but I couldn't anticipate exactly how I would feel - experience is the best teacher, and I had not experienced this situation before. Ever. All the things you have outlined are things I tell myself everyday, and part of my problem is that I beat up on myself, and then I am no use to anyone. I see what you are saying, and I have realised that I have been getting caught up in a spiral of negative feelings. You are right in that it will work out, because I will make it so. :no:

I did feel a little uncomfortable that you were telling me off, but I really do appreciate it too. Sometimes I need that!
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 08:12:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

I think you'd feel that way even if there wasn't an ex who used to live there. It's the adjustment of moving into someone else's space.... your husband's. Give it time, Vicky. Soon you'll have it looking like your own space. Flowers will help an awful lot. I just love my flowers.

Sounds like your husband has a short nap when he comes home from work? I'd just accept that.... he needs the rest. They work awfully long hours here in the US. (I'm including travel time.) One day you'll be happy to have that "alone" time. :lol:


I never realised it would feel so tough to move into someone else's space. I mean, I knew there would be a transition, and I knew it would feel different, but not like it has. I can be an impatient git, and sometimes that adds fuel to the fire, because I just want everything to feel okay. I think I just have to accept that everything doesn't feel okay, but that I am safe and loved, and soon things will feel different.

Bingo! I just had my epiphany.

Yeah, I guess, one day I will be glad of the alone time. :lol: I have a phrase I like to use "the grass isn't greener it's just a different shade". So true!
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 08:07:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Vicky i think allot of your posts have gone to show me why a me as the man moving was a huge factor in the decision making process and your experience may have gone to show that its going to be the correct one.

My fiance is very loving and sweet. She loves to take care of me and is understanding of my feelings. While I am more of a protector/hunter who just gets on with things and like you i can let things get me down easily. Overall i feel i will be better at adapting to a new life over my fiance, and that she will be better at looking after me when i am sad and down. this outweighed any financial factors in my mind when making the decision.


In terms of your issues, I have to be straight with you. Toughen up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know your a psychiatrist with allot of time on her hands but your over thinking everything . If you think you feel bad now imagine how your going to feel in 6 months time if your moving back to the UK with your kids, getting a divorce and telling everybody you said goodbye to that you ###### up. Marrage is hard for anyone, and the situation you put yourself in by choice is tough but you must have known this from the beginning.

stop worrying about some head injury, or a tummy bug. that stuff is all in your head. you go to a Dr they will find something wrong with you. You moved 5000miles across the world for this man. You love him and he loves you to. Everything is going to be ok you just need to mentally toughen up.

THINGS WILL WORK OUT.



You are right I have been feeling sorry for myself. And, I can be way over-anylitical. I never seriously would move back to the U.K, Larry is my soul-mate, my best-friend, and although I know I would have a life without him if that ever happened, I can't imagine a life without him. The head injury is not in my head, though, well it is physically, but not mentally. I have had lots of neurological issues as a result of an accident I had, which saw me receive a very significant blow to the back of the head. I guess, it's just made the transition here a little harder as I don't react to stress the same way I did before the accident.

I am a pretty tough bird when it comes to it, but I have needed a place to vent to help me through everything - it's just my way of dealing with things. Plus, Larry is way overstrecthed right now, and he is not unlike you, in that he is practical and want's to try to fix things, when all I need sometimes is just to be heard.

You guys get to hear me moan and whine :)

Thank you for taking the time to write. I take all your words in good faith. :)
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-11 08:01:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
I just got back from the gym. Boy it feels good. I didn't beat up on anyone or myself, but I did make myself sweat a lot. I am going to try to go every day and have the weekends off, that way when my husband and my son are having their own life I can have something that just belongs to me too. I need these endorphins to help me through this phase. I said to my husband that what I liked about going this evening, was that it reminded me of my old life when I could do what I wanted when I wanted without having to rely on anyone else. :dance:

I am trying my best to be okay and stop being a big ole' grump.

I highly recommend the gym to anyone who is feeling any of these feelings. I wish somewhere on here were close by that I could go with. Anyway, tomorrow I will be at the gym again.

Goodnight everyone and thank you for putting up with me.

I hope it's okay that I take up this space?

Anyway, good night ya' all.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-10 22:07:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
The boys came home and both have gone to bed, so I am alone once again, except this time I don't have the dog as she is with my husband (seems like everyone is having their needs met but me). I really don't know if I can continue on like this? I feel like I have this tight band in my stomach and right now it feels like it's going to snap. What the hell would I do? Go back to the U.K where I left everything behind? I don't want to do that in my heart of hearts. I don't have family and apart from a few friends that is my only link. By the time we have dinner we will have around 3 hours together, and yes I do remember the days when I wished for 3 hours together, but not like this. Not when I feel so angry and want to shout at my husband, like it's his fault. Maybe I will just have to disturb him for a while and go in the bedroom and get my gym kit on, so that I can walk to the gym and take all my frustrations out in there? I wish they had one of those boxing classes, because I would be happy to hit something really hard about now.

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 10 May 2012 - 05:19 PM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-10 17:16:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
This house that I am living in used to be my husbands home with his first wife, they lived here for 12 years and were married for 14 years. Larry lived on his own here as a bachelor for 3 years, but I wonder sometimes whether that fact is bothering me? ....I have to shower....
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-10 15:51:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Awww, I felt sad at your post from last night. But I knew how you felt! lol How are you feeling today, Vicky?

I think that adjusting to married life is difficult in itself. I've heard the first 10 years are the worst. :lol: Throw in a location and lifestyle adjustment and you've just multiplied that ten-fold. Hang in there, kid!

For the love of God, man! Read the thread before you post! She had already explained she had the SSN before your first post! She even responded to your first post with that information!!!


You are right they are big changes when you put them all together. I wish I could just find my motivation - it feels like I am a little depressed, which I hope passes soon. Larry said I could go see a counselor, but I don't think I need that. I told him that lots of people on here relate to what I have said, and that how I am feeling is part of the process. Yesterday I cleaned the basement and today I cleaned the porch - call me Cinderella :help: :)

Last night when we were in bed we started chatting about stuff. I started to feel really anxious that I would not be able to find my place here, you know, that grounded feeling. Anyway, I didn't wake-up feeling like that, but I was feeling angry today when I was cleaning. I feel this tension between feeling happy that we are married and together now, and this utter lost feeling. I feel like I am repeating myself, but I hope eventually by saying all this out loud that there will be some shift.

My tummy is feeling better today, so I am going to resume with my gym sessions as from tomorrow. There are classes at the gym that I know I would love to join, but my confidence doesn't feel as good as it usually does, and I keep talking myself out of it. I think I need to push myself and go and just see what happens. What's the worse scenario - that I look like a complete prat. :lol:

I am going to ask my husband if we can get some flowers and some hanging baskets, so that I can put them together for the porch, and make this place look like a girl lives here :)

Gotta go shower.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-10 15:48:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

how much I understand you, sometimes it was the same last summer when I spent 3 months with him. He would come home and I was like a lil doggy when his owner comes back but only gets a pat on its head and told to stay calm. Haha! In a way I am glad he has been himself, I understood he was tired from work and needed some time for himself but when you are on that state of mind like you are now, even him going for a nap "drove me nuts": in my head I was like: see, he doesn't care about me..
We have also been on holiday together in Italy and there he was more attentive to me, so I know it is cos he is drained after work, he doesn't particularly like it, so it is quite understandable.
So I know how its going to be after the first month!

Probably, if you were the USC, being a woman you would put your clothes of wonderwoman on and you'd still be attentive even after the worst day at work, but you know.. men.. they are not mean, sometimes they just don't get it ;)

Is there anything that you have always been wanting to do if you had more time for yourself? Maybe its time to find a new hobby? Now spring is approaching so maybe you can cycle to places?

Hope you'll feel better very soon! Hugs


I can totally relate to the puppy dog feeling, ugh! I have applied for some voluntary work, so I am awaiting that starting. It's a pretty day here today, blue skies and sunny, so I may just go out in the garden and soak up some rays. Sod the housework for an afternoon.

Thank you.

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 09 May 2012 - 10:59 AM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-09 10:59:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Hei there, sorry for posting in a UK thread. I haven't been here so long that I forget where I originate from. :) Am sorry you're going through some hard times.

The feeling you're describing are precisely what I went through and still go through at times. The frustration of finally being together and then realizing it's like spending less time than we did when skyping. Husband worn out after a day of work and me all ready to be in the company of somebody. That somebody being my husband and not "making friends with mother in law" or something similar. I brought my dog from Denmark and it's was great to preserve my sanity with something from home and my language but there's a limitation to dog talk, training and walking. Even walking her seemed odd because I couldn't recognize anything or see a familiar face just once in a while. I felt like it was a prison at some times. Not really having my husband understand that e.g. when the internet connection was down, then my direct "phone line" to my Danish family and close friends was down as well even though me might not call each other, it was still symbolic and just added to being sad. I started collecting "junk". You know, nick nacks you'd have in your apartment/house that's your junk. Had my mum send me a bunch of stupid luna-stuff(an old cup, 2 teddy bears I've had since yay high, my pillow sheets which were xmas present from my parents). I have about 30 pictures up behind my computer - they're mostly from different times throughout my life spanding from chasing frogs as a 5 year old with brother and cousins to new years eve 2 years ago with childhood friends.

I was here for 7 months without my own transportation or anything to do for 12 hours a day than wait to be with the whole reason for moving. If it's possible, get a scooter, it doesn't require a license to ride anything below 50cc. It'll get you far whether it's to go to the gym, the mall or just fell the freedom in your hair. Believe me - I'm riding around in thunderstorms and freezing my a** off but it feels good to have some sort of independency.

Feel free to pm me. It will get better with time and I hope you keep that in mind even though it's got nothing to do with how you're feeling right now.

:star:


OMG! The visualization of you driving your scooter in the rain and thunder actually made me laugh out loud. Ha, ha, ha. I feel a little resistant to getting a scooter as I am still recovering from a closed head injury. I don't think it would be safe for me right now, but the idea is a great one, and perhaps as I heal I can think about it.

I don't want people to think my husband is an unthoughtful #######, because he really is an attentive, thoughtful and incredibly caring husband, it's just the demands of his working life and this situation. I need my pictures, too. I am going to get on and ask my friend today if she can help me out with that.

I can totally relate to everything you have said.

back to post #1?

No SSN? Get one before yer window runs out.
No driver's license? Get a small scooter, under 49.5 CC engine size.

IMO, these two things, handled quickly, will change the domain as you knew it, yesterday, into something that's 'more better' for you, today.


I have the SSN now :)
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-09 10:56:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
We are only recently married (still under 3 months) and I thought we would still have that 'just married' look. Maybe some days we do, but I really don't feel like that at the moment. This tummy bug is probably not helping me. I am going to go to bed.

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 08 May 2012 - 10:47 PM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-08 22:46:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
Having a tough night tonight. My husband is extremely busy and under a lot of pressure and it just makes all this harder to deal with. He came home tonight, read his paper on the porch, went for a nap until dinner was ready and then we both spent the night on our laptops. He always seems so tired when he gets home, so I don't like to make demands of him, but when all you have for company all day is a dog and the same old house chores it feels soul destroying. I wish I could disappear.

I have some tummy flu bug, so I can't go to the gym and I really don't feel like going out of the house.

He's not a neglectful husband and he does his best to meet my needs, but I guess, they are a bit needy right now. He went off to bed, because he was p@ssed off, took the dogs bed and closed the door. And, all it does is make me feel like this is not my home and that I should not go in there. I miss my own bedroom and having my own things. I am sick of feeling like all I want to do is cry and I am sick of exposing my feelings on here.

I am struggling tonight. :(
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-08 22:09:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Thank you! I think here we are all brave enough to even just accept such life changes, some ppl would turn them down just because they are scared, without knowing what/who they are actually losing. When I first went to visit my fiance', back then we were just b/f & g/f who barely knew each other, a friend of mine was trying to persuade me not to go, because "what if you find out you actually love him". I am so glad I didn't listen to her! :)
Glad as well that you are getting back on your feet. Keep the positivity!! :thumbs:


I think people are skeptical about the whole "long distance' thang, and I can understand that to a point, but if your friends know you well and they can see that what you choose is making you happier, then hopefully they will support you. Sometimes however, people base their judgements of a situation on their own fears. :bonk:

I had a tougher day today than yesterday, but I am hanging in there. I started a blog. Me and my husband had a little dispute this evening and it really upsets me when I am feeling so sensitive. I will be so glad when I get through all these mixed up feelings. I still don't have my belongings that were meant to be shipped from the U.K by now. The person who agreed to store the boxes is making it really difficult for the shipping guys to pick them up by not being very flexible, so I am having to ask another friend. I really dislike not having my things, and only having a limited wardrobe - a suitcase size that had mostly winter stuff in it.

Stupid sod back in England doesn't realise the impact his actions are having on me, and I don't have any family to help me out.

Sorry, another moan.
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-08 21:40:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

I do agree with that graphic! I have been thro a relocation 5 years ago, which I wanted and that is exactly what happened. 6 months from when I moved the crisis started but I didn't quit, I went thro it, accepted it and made it work! After 2 years I then decided to finally quit the job and enroll to uni and 3 years after that here I am, about to graduate and ready for another new/exciting/scary at times life change :D



Congratulations on graduating and be brave enough to go through so many life changes. :thumbs:

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 08 May 2012 - 04:23 PM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-08 16:23:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Good article. Here's a graphic you might like that I nicked from an old discussion in this forum on a similar topic.
Posted Image


I really like that! I think I might nick it too :P
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-07 20:50:00
United KingdomTransition Issues
I have put a great link on here, that I found extremely helpful. I am one of those people who finds that understanding the dynamics of a situation actually helps alleviate my anxieties and or issues that I might be experiencing. I think a balanced approach to reading and empowering yourself through knowledge helps us through life's obstacles. I say balanced, because sometimes it can be human nature to attach to an idea and then see yourself through that lense. I think we have to just be mindful that all the information does not have to apply to us, and if some of it does, it does mean that we identify ourselves by it, either. Just understand what you might be feeling and why, and then relax and realise that what you are experiencing is a "normal' phenomena in this context, and then problem solve your way out of it.

Okay, have a read and see what you think?

What to Expect When you Relocate

Edited by Vicky and Larry, 07 May 2012 - 03:01 PM.

Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-07 15:01:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

its not really a transient place. tourism is obviously huge but as i said there a huge community outside. its the 5th biggest city/economy in the US. my fiance has lived there her entire life and her parents have been there for 50 years.


Thanks for that insight. I guess, it's just s stereotype. I hope you get to live there for 50 years too!
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-07 14:09:00
United KingdomTransition Issues

Vegas is no different to any other place in the US to live. Its allot like California. Obviously they have the huge strip but thats just one 10mile road. theres a huge city around it.

theres a decent amount of work, house prices and rent are very cheap as well as cost of living in general is very low. and the weather is always amazing.


Sounds great! I am psychologist in training and so living in such a transient place like Vegas just made me wonder. How long have you been there?
Vicky and LarryFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-05-07 13:14:00