biggish data

QUOTE (Caladan @ Nov 4 2007, 10:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Gotta agree with charles. Maybe it sounds nice to call it 'tough love', but that implies 'love', which usually implies 'knowing the person well', let alone 'knowing the person well enough not to confuse them with someone with a different internet handle.'

I don't have a problem with expressing outrage or shock, but it ain't for Jean's benefit and pretending it is so doesn't make the sow's ear into a silk purse. If her real-life friends and family can't convince her, you're going to do it in a short nasty post? This is not a Very Special Episode of Visa Journey.

That said, someone expressing outrage over an abuser getting a greencard (and serving as Stereotype Confirmation Example #1 for whenever Oprah comes to call) is only equivalent to physical abuse if you have no idea what abuse means.

You're right...I shouldn't have called it 'tough love' because it's not love at all...

But sometimes, hearing the harsh words might just make a difference. I personally do not think anyone here is so mean spirited as to kick someone when she's down this bad. I'd like to believe that no one here would take any pleasure out of doing that.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2007-11-04 11:33:00

QUOTE (charlesandnessa @ Nov 3 2007, 11:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

understood, but i don't see how that's making jean feel any better.

Maybe...JUST MAYBE...the words will be food for thought and might be on the side of 'tough love' if ya know what I mean.

A true friend will tell you the truth, not what you want to hear....

ETA: It might hurt her feelings, but it could very well save her life....

Edited by LisaD, 03 November 2007 - 11:43 PM.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2007-11-03 23:42:00

QUOTE (charlesandnessa @ Nov 3 2007, 11:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (peezey @ Nov 3 2007, 10:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If "couples can work through this" means women taking their abusers back, well of course we know that happens. Jean, you are one sick puppy if you are equating Sarah to M. As usual, you are only looking for attention, and you don't care what kind. You would have posted your story yourself if you really meant to "help" anyone. It's your fault he's getting his green card. This just proves you didn't think you were worth as much as him, because clearly you didn't call off the process. Doodle is right, this is outrageous that a wife beater is getting his GC without an interview, but others wait and wait and have home inspections and denials and are strung along for years.

Sick sick sick sick.

i think she has enough on her plate without blaming the victim too.

It was a pretty outlandish thing she accussed Sarah of, and tbh...if Jean's husband's violence is such a nonissue for her (apparantly so since she's taken him back), maybe others feel like there's no reason to coddle her?

I mean, I am certain Peezey would be very supportive if Jean reached out for help. Jean disclosed things that have made people mad that she is continuing to subject herself to this. They're mad because they care! No one should be treated like that, or have to live in fear of physical abuse. As if that's not bad enough, now Jean's not only making excuses for the atrocious things her husband has done for her, she's making ridiculous claims against others. Peezey's right...we all do know what happens to women who take their abusers back. And she's right, he got his greencard directly through her. And it does take up processing time while others get thrown thru the ringer.

My heart goes out to Jean and I do hope she does some soul searching and finds the wherewithall to realize that she's worth more than this. But at the same time...what exactly was the reason to ask another poster here to reveal her 'good news' about the GC approval? Don't dump serious issues here and have people worry about you and then expect them to...what? dance in the street because a wife beater got a greencard?

Sorry for my bluntness, but that's how I see it.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2007-11-03 22:34:00

QUOTE (doodlebug @ Nov 3 2007, 08:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually the one you were originally talking about is Deemabrouk who not only kicked him out and changed the locks but is getting a lot of help and healing along with her children. It's still a hard road but one that is sooo much healthier for her and her kids in the end, thank God. I believe Jean has a son though and it must be hard for him to see his mom not feel she's worth enough to stand up for herself.

Yeah, I realized that not too long after I posted....glad to hear about Dee that she's getting on better.

Jean, if you have children, my original post stands cept for the 'I told you in another thread...'

Be well and stay safe!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2007-11-03 20:48:00

QUOTE (LisaD @ Nov 3 2007, 07:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (we_have_2day @ Nov 3 2007, 11:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sarah, you are so predictable its laughable. I see the cud chewers around here decided to lift their tails again. Whatever. Make up your soap operas about my intentions and sense of self. You do not know me or anything about my life. Its so easy to sit and respin the same old tired "I'm supposed to think like Oprah" mentality. If you haven't experienced something you really have no sense of the reality of it. No, Sarah, you do NOT understand. You do NOT understand that YOU are equally ABUSIVE. You just use your words instead of your hands. Its all the same. This was discussed in a group session I attended while working through all this. People like you are just as destructive as physical abusers. I've read some pretty foul and blatant violations of the TOS on this site in this thread alone, yet those who habitually violate it are left to flame and giggle. This site was I thought meant to share information. I asked someone to share mine so those who are in similar situations have something to reference. And there are some of us out here. Life isn't black and white, even for Dr. Phil. So what if I posted my experience. It gave another side of reality off the yellow brick road, yet very possible for anyone reading this, and some just can't handle the possibility that a couple CAN work through something like this. For those remarks about my husband being after a green card... think twice before you stick your foot in your mouth. It can happen to any of us. None are immune. THERE IS NO HAPPILY EVER AFTER UNLESS YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN. So cud munchers, scurry around bleating and flaming some more while the board moderators turn their biased eyes away. Bask in your own ugliness of your non-abusive natures.

For the people here with real minds and hearts, ignore this. It wasn't meant for you. Now if for the millionth time if someone would close my ID I would appreciate it.

I have been wondering about you and how you've been...someone called this thread to my attn, so I wanted to say hi and hope things are ok.

It appears to me that you're just lashing out at Sarah and making her the whipping post to vent your frustrations at the turmoil in your life...while Sarah is no shrinking violet, I really don't think that's fair of you. Sarah's words, however harsh you may find them, do not put your children at risk. For you to equate her with the abuse that you are allowing your husband to reign upon you, and for you to subject your children to witness...is life endangering.

I understand these are not the words you want to read...and you might not even do so, but I felt compelled to let you know that the very people you are lashing out at are the same ones who rallied around you when you needed someone to lean on. When you needed someone, they were all here for you. Your anger is misguided.

May God keep you and your children safe. As I told you in another thread...please think of your children. You are choosing this life for yourself AND them. They have no choice to what they are subjected to, and I pray that God keep them safe and emotionally healthy.

Can't edit, but apologies because it was someone else here that I was thinking about! So here's the edited version:

It appears to me that you're just lashing out at Sarah and making her the whipping post to vent your frustrations at the turmoil in your life...while Sarah is no shrinking violet, I really don't think that's fair of you. Sarah's words, however harsh you may find them, do not put your children at risk. For you to equate her with the abuse that you are allowing your husband to reign upon you is life endangering.

I understand these are not the words you want to read...and you might not even do so, but I felt compelled to let you know that the very people you are lashing out at are the same ones who rallied around you when you needed someone to lean on. When you needed someone, they were all here for you. Your anger is misguided.

May God keep you safe!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2007-11-03 18:56:00

Yallah Middle East 2.0

Congrats for the date Jodania Princess.

The Evil eye is very common in Lebanon and other places world wide. Jinksing someone like in the US. Like in Islam if you admire something, like someones hair, eyes, home, You say Smallah so as not to Jinks it. I believe in That. The Jinn is in the Koran, I just don't think the pouring hot water down the drain is part of it. Sometimes people Start Old Wives tales for other reasons. I turn on the cold water first and turn Hot water off first so I don't burn myself which I have done several times.

And when it comes to the whole who is commiting fraud to come here. Some people are Just %&*^^. YOu know what the Poeple on Off Topic are the most racist ignorant bastards around. They do nothing but spew out hate and stupidity. God in Fair and what goes around comes around.

Trust me stay out of that Forum.

I'm sorry, but I think that's a horrible generalization. I don't mean to start anything in here, because I read this forum quite a lot & I think its wonderful, but don't let one or a few people allow you to feel justified in slamming a whole bunch of people. Ironically, that is hateful and wrong.

It may not be your cup of tea, and I respect that, but I have been in OT for quite some time & would never think to spew hatred at anyone. There are many people just like me there.

Thank you for listening & good luck on your journey.

There is also many from this forum that are frequent in OT. I don't know what else to say except I am saddened by the generalisation and hope that it was just spur of the moment anger at vanillawhatsherface that prompted it.

Alright, that's it. Things have gotten so ridciculous here at VJ. You can't say ANYTHING anymore without someone looking to pick a fight about it! We all have to give each other hugs and say "you rock!" constantly. I've had it! I didn't realize I joined Barney's playroom. I'm off for a while....

Hypocrisy when people here can get upset about some ignorant comments made from a BANNED troll, yet, we're all racist ignorant bastards and that's ok.

Would you be ok if someone called you or a loved one a racist ignorant ####### who spews hatred and stupidity? Seriously, would you be ok with that?

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-05-03 09:52:00

Yallah Middle East 2.0

Congrats for the date Jodania Princess.

The Evil eye is very common in Lebanon and other places world wide. Jinksing someone like in the US. Like in Islam if you admire something, like someones hair, eyes, home, You say Smallah so as not to Jinks it. I believe in That. The Jinn is in the Koran, I just don't think the pouring hot water down the drain is part of it. Sometimes people Start Old Wives tales for other reasons. I turn on the cold water first and turn Hot water off first so I don't burn myself which I have done several times.

And when it comes to the whole who is commiting fraud to come here. Some people are Just %&*^^. YOu know what the Poeple on Off Topic are the most racist ignorant bastards around. They do nothing but spew out hate and stupidity. God in Fair and what goes around comes around.

Trust me stay out of that Forum.

I'm sorry, but I think that's a horrible generalization. I don't mean to start anything in here, because I read this forum quite a lot & I think its wonderful, but don't let one or a few people allow you to feel justified in slamming a whole bunch of people. Ironically, that is hateful and wrong.

It may not be your cup of tea, and I respect that, but I have been in OT for quite some time & would never think to spew hatred at anyone. There are many people just like me there.

Thank you for listening & good luck on your journey.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-05-02 23:51:00

Takalaamal deen

Well, tbh...even if someone breaks the rules, you have no way of enforcing them...it kinda ties into the last discussion!
Well, at least folks know what's expected and they can respect the request no?

of course!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-07-20 21:54:00

Takalaamal deen

while munching on my popcorn ... i noticed that the first post may be in violation with the TOS: Restrict or inhibit any other user from using and enjoying the Forums.

i'm not sure you can impose such rules ... albeit well intentioned. best of luck!
I have sent a PM to Captain Ewok asking his opinion. We will await his reply. Thanks

Well, tbh...even if someone breaks the rules, you have no way of enforcing them...it kinda ties into the last discussion!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-07-20 21:49:00

unbelievable

Agreed!

And why the hotlinking continues....I have no clue

Ok...I am stepping in here. Are there a set of rules for the ME/NA forum that I have been unaware of? Give me a break.

I have read a lot recently and have not posted. However, all of this just goes beyond and is why I rarely post any more. This is a general discussion forum. If Rebecca wants people in this forum to be aware of a movie that she thinks propagates discrimination that OUR loved ones do feel EVERY DAY living here in the US, then by all means I am happy she is making us aware. And I know what is coming next...we all see it every day on VJ...our loved ones knew what they were getting into. To be honest, I don't really think they did. My husband every day is surprised by the lack of freedoms he hears about or the blatant discrimination that goes on. I think almost all of us just want to spread tolerance, understanding, and peace.

Twila

Well, Twila, before you 'step in here' let me just say that if you have any clue to what we're alluding to, you'd be curious yourself as to why summat that opened up our site...specifically this forum...to outside hate....would continue. So while there are no 'official' rules per se to my knowledge on hotlinking.....I feel hotlinking (considering the LAST debacle)...especially hotlinking to summat that is hateful...opens this site up to unwanted attn. And someone who's preaching hate & whatnot on a site can SEE that it's been hotlinked (from what I'm told) and give them a direct heads up straight here. Do YOU think it's wise?

I can't blame you if you don't know what we're talking about here...but if you knew, you'd prolly be against the hotlinking too. It caused a lot of hurt & embarrassment to many ppl here & I don't think we should be looking to play with fire again. I'm not looking to pee in anyone's cornflakes, so you can put your defenses down.... we're all in the same boat here as far as what brought us here. I choose to look at common ground rather than focusing on what makes us different. I am just interested in trying to protect this site as much as poss...as should every other member here.

kthxbye

I know a lot more than you think. I was one of the people focused on by that site. I don't blame the person who linked to the site. I blame the hatred of the person who runs that site. It is amazing how religion can bring out the absolute best and the absolute worst of people -- regardless of whether they are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Shinto, Wiccan, so on. I think being aware of what is out there is to be armed.

Twila

Ok then, my bad....I am truly sorry that you had to endure that, and my concern stems from not having to see another one of our members endure the same. No, I am not blaming the person who hotlinked that to what transpired, but that is how it started. Yes, the argument could be made that that person did not know. But now it's known, so really is there any excuse anymore to play with fire? And there should be some kind of lesson learned than to hotlink to more hate filled #######. Yes, anyone can discuss anything they want...but a linked invite basically to something of that nature is asking for trouble imo. I read these boards from time to time & I hear things like the yahoo group being formed so ppl can have 'somewhere safe' to talk. Well how safe can VJ be when links are made to unreasonable bigots? For many of us, this is our somewhere safe...we're not going elsewhere, but is it too much to ask that precautions be made so that trouble is not invited here? That whole debacle didn't just affect one forum..it affected all of us. Look around and see how many of us have since removed our photos and are a little more guarded. Cos none of us want to be the next target.

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.' Silly me for thinking we should all take smarter precautionary measures.

And ITA JP...nice to see ya around....

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-07-24 13:24:00

unbelievable

Agreed!

And why the hotlinking continues....I have no clue

Ok...I am stepping in here. Are there a set of rules for the ME/NA forum that I have been unaware of? Give me a break.

I have read a lot recently and have not posted. However, all of this just goes beyond and is why I rarely post any more. This is a general discussion forum. If Rebecca wants people in this forum to be aware of a movie that she thinks propagates discrimination that OUR loved ones do feel EVERY DAY living here in the US, then by all means I am happy she is making us aware. And I know what is coming next...we all see it every day on VJ...our loved ones knew what they were getting into. To be honest, I don't really think they did. My husband every day is surprised by the lack of freedoms he hears about or the blatant discrimination that goes on. I think almost all of us just want to spread tolerance, understanding, and peace.

Twila

Well, Twila, before you 'step in here' let me just say that if you have any clue to what we're alluding to, you'd be curious yourself as to why summat that opened up our site...specifically this forum...to outside hate....would continue. So while there are no 'official' rules per se to my knowledge on hotlinking.....I feel hotlinking (considering the LAST debacle)...especially hotlinking to summat that is hateful...opens this site up to unwanted attn. And someone who's preaching hate & whatnot on a site can SEE that it's been hotlinked (from what I'm told) and give them a direct heads up straight here. Do YOU think it's wise?

I can't blame you if you don't know what we're talking about here...but if you knew, you'd prolly be against the hotlinking too. It caused a lot of hurt & embarrassment to many ppl here & I don't think we should be looking to play with fire again. I'm not looking to pee in anyone's cornflakes, so you can put your defenses down.... we're all in the same boat here as far as what brought us here. I choose to look at common ground rather than focusing on what makes us different. I am just interested in trying to protect this site as much as poss...as should every other member here.

kthxbye

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-07-24 11:59:00

unbelievable

There is certainly certain individuals on BOTH sides in this ( ME/NA) forum and the person in in O/T that seem to go out of their way to "stumble across" links in other ( non-vj) sites, that they KNOW will cause upset.
.....After all...Wasn't the clusterfluff that " will never be mentioned" kicked off by a hot link posted with the message " be glad you did not see this", yet the link was posted here for all to click on and get upset at the prejudice and hate spewed on that site?
How many threads in O/T have been locked due to the debate getting way out of hand-the posts are there for the reactions they get....The people posting them want the reaction.

You all know all the crud that's out there-for everyone, regardless of religion or whatever-but to deliberatly find something and then post it is asking in a way for the reaction you get on here...( and I mean this for both here and whatever gets posted by the other person in O/T).

I understand there IS prejudice- there really is, for everyone in one way or another....Is it right or fair? NO, of course not...
But to go looking for stuff that will be upsetting to yourself or others seems to me to be just voluntarily adding to it all, and adding to the feelings of having to defend what should really need no defending. Religion is more than just a label, it's a way of life, and if we could all just be happy here on VJ with who we are reagrdless of religion; I honestly think alot of the drama incited on O/T ( which is obviously posted for the reactionary value too) would cease.

Agreed!

And why the hotlinking continues....I have no clue....one would think it would stop... :whistle:

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-07-24 10:12:00

Saturday

Me thinks there is more than one using child-like behaviour here lately. My hope is, that the good sisters use control. It's easy, when you are tempted to type something unbecoming, ask yourself, 'Will these words please Allah?'.

Hope you all have a pleasant Saturday.

Jackie

What about the bad ones? :lol:

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-07-29 14:00:00

hahaha well when you say that MEriem needs to be more careful in choosing friends I think that implies that you were talking about one of her friends, and I think we all know that Icey and her are friends.
hmmm maybe I meant both of her friends... it is YOU who likes to call people out by name here.

LisaD... you have never discussed the well being of one of your friends or family members with another to try to figure out how you can help?

At the same time betray a strict confidence? Absolutely not!

If someone trusts me enough to open him/herself up that much to be vulnerable and depend on me being trustworthy, the last thing I'd do is ruin that by 'finding advice' with another. To stand infront of someone who bares all and one who says 'this is me, no bs, no nothing...this is my truth' is such an honor...it's saying that person thinks the world of me. I would be humbled by the gesture. I'd be there to offer my support to my friend, we'd talk til the cows came home...we'd brainstorm ways to circumvent the issue...but never would I ever take something of such value...my friend/family member's TRUST in me....and p!ss it away in a mockery of me discussing my friend with another....that's not figuring out how to 'help' IMO...that's backstabbing my friend, destroying my word, and ruining everything what we stand for, as well as showing my friend that she was wrong in regarding me so highly because I was never worthy of it in the first place.

So, yeah that's a 'no' for that one.

I think this post pretty much sums things up for me, so in regards to the 'what happened to this forum' thread, I will try to refrain from posting this opinion again. It's not going to change, and I think I've been clear enough in where I stand on this (lol)....I don't want to offend anyone with my opinion, but as you all can guess, I feel quite strongly on this issue.

I wish everyone here the luck to get this forum back to the place where everyone loved being here.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 23:19:00

Just a few thoughts...

I don't think Meriem meant anything by 'revealing secrets'. Sometimes, if there is a group of friends and two of them are worried about another, those two will discuss the other persons 'problem' trying to figure out what type of support they should offer the third as a collective. I honestly do not believe that Meriem could forsee that these two girls would turn so ugly towards each other and start backbiting on a public forum. If anything I would say perhaps Meriem should be more careful in selecting friends in the future.

for the red comment: That's actually called gossip

for the purple: I agree with sarah & hicham...it's preposterous that you say MERIEM should be more careful in selecting friends...that to me is insult to injury.....'not only are your secrets revealed, but it's your fault for me choosing you as a friend'

:no:

No you didn't, but obviously you are talking about one of MEriem's friends. I have noticed that you and Icey don't get along too well. So can you explain what you mean by Meriem has to be careful in choosing her friends? I think that makes it clear who you are talking about!

Sarah, Meriem herself stated :

I made a mistake by trusting people and caring about them and their well being.
She has acknowledged the situation. People are currently posting their thoughts on the situation and how to better it. You seem to be on the defensive and probing as to why people are referring to Icey. Why not? She was a big part of the issue.

I really wish this topic would be removed, but only the OP can do that.

Laura, no offense, cos you know I luvs ya.....BUT

how in the world is Meriem the victim in all this? Put yourself in either one of these two women's shoes...you tell your FRIEND summat very personal, and you betray that confidence (for whatever reasons) and tell someone else....and then it winds up on the boards.

And Meriem's the victim? :no:

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 19:11:00

the 'me too' was a seperate thought, it's an inside joke...sorry for being unclear. It basically means 'ITA with what you said'

This is a sensitive topic. i would absten from inside selfrighteousness jokes here. People are offended, Big mess. Inappropriate.

It has nowt to do with 'self righteousness'...in fact, I 'me too'd' Gimygirl earlier and you didn't jump on that bandwagon...hrmmm.

I'm done with this with you, you've said your bit, I've said mine...let's end it at that...you're hardly the one to sit on the pulpit and preach what's 'appropriate' or 'sensitive'

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 17:15:00

Self righteousness because I agree with Tmma? Or cos of my whole stance on this issue?
I'm of Italian dissent...we take secrets to the grave and the worst thing in the world one could be is a rat...which is what most Italian-Americans think of betraying a confidence. So, you don't like my opinion, that's fine...so you can iether deal with it or get over it
No. Both Posts were pretty good. Logical, straightforward, based on facts. Good analysis of what happened.

" I Love Timma an me too" comment was Hmmm Bit selfrighteousness. It was more like "I am good" comment. Which is irrelevant.

the 'me too' was a seperate thought, it's an inside joke...sorry for being unclear. It basically means 'ITA with what you said'

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 16:44:00

nd it was not meant to be malicious. Now, It looks like I am the bad one. I know you guys dont know me well enough, but you know I do stay out of the drama, where ever it happens. I never intended for the information to be thrown out in a public forum. I made a mistake by trusting people and caring about them and their well being. I have learned a valuable lesson. I will keep my mouth shut from now own. Please be assured I was only trying to help, but it backfired.

Meriem

And so are liberals, so are liberals. Trying to help all the time, Trying to be good, against bad, where they dont have any concern, And huge ###### happens. Liberals do it. Liberals.

Lets blame Liberals.

I Tmma!
oh and ME TOO!

This display of selfrightesness was unnecessary.

Self righteousness because I agree with Tmma? Or cos of my whole stance on this issue?

I'm of Italian dissent...we take secrets to the grave :lol:

and the worst thing in the world one could be is a rat...which is what most Italian-Americans think of betraying a confidence. So, you don't like my opinion, that's fine...so you can iether deal with it or get over it

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 15:36:00

All the mud slinging I guess is cause of me. At one time, shannon me and icey where all friends. What I said to shannon about icey at the time was not vicious or mean. It was out of concern for Icey and what I said to Icey about Shannon was in concern of her missunderstandings about Islam and how is affects Samir. It was not meant to be discussed in a public forum. And it was not meant to be malicious. Now, It looks like I am the bad one. I know you guys dont know me well enough, but you know I do stay out of the drama, where ever it happens. I never intended for the information to be thrown out in a public forum. I made a mistake by trusting people and caring about them and their well being. I have learned a valuable lesson. I will keep my mouth shut from now own. Please be assured I was only trying to help, but it backfired.

Meriem

Lets not re-write the history that's freely available publically on here

Actually, maybe you ought to check out here, this is where it all started:
http://www.visajourn...h...0857&st=165

Your "friends" started arguing, and believe it or not, if you read, Shannon in that thread where it all started ( whom I am no fan of) stuck by you until the end! Even after Icey said she called you in FL and you " thought it was all funny"--that's a quote, btw. Even I felt bad for Shannon ( whom I have no particular liking for).
Like I said-I am no fan of Shannon, but even a cursory look at previous postings on the public forum it is clear that she considered you, Meriem, a close friend and someone to confide in. What's also clear is that Icey and her did not have the best of friendships before all of this.

The common denominator here is you and what you chose to divulge to each of them about eachother, which is no one's business but theirs and who they chose to tell!

Tmma!

oh and ME TOO!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 13:48:00

I made a mistake by trusting people and caring about them and their well being.

Meriem

Sorry Meriem, but it seems to me that the mistake was with them trusting you, not the other way round...

Just callin it as I see it!

Friends don't talk about other friends...and especially shouldn't divulge private information - especially to a circle where everyone knows each other. You can dress it up as 'concern' all you want, and perhaps in your mind it was out of concern....that may be true....but divulging pirvate and sensitive information that people ENTRUSTED you with is just really shocking & wrong.

Your loose lips is the cause of public embarrassment & ridicule to these two women - women who, ironically enough, thought enough about you to entrust you with very damning information. You owe them both a very big apology, imo...and also not to play the victim like YOU are the one who made the trust errors...

Even though entitled to your opinion, I think its a slippery thing at best to damn another like this without knowing the whole real story... and face it, none of us here will get it and its none of our business.

And now that I see the back biting is determined to continue, I'm out.

You don't need the whole story to know that divulging friends' private information to anyone is wrong. End of story.

Let's face it...if the three were friends, fine. But if Icey and Shannon wanted each other to know their 411, they would have shared it between the two of them...not thru a proxy. Now, these women's 'enemies' are going to use this information as a method of public scorn and ridicule....and this is all a result of someone not being able to keep her mouth closed, no matter what the motivation was.

With friends like that....well, you can finish that statement!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 10:56:00

I made a mistake by trusting people and caring about them and their well being.

Meriem

Sorry Meriem, but it seems to me that the mistake was with them trusting you, not the other way round...

Just callin it as I see it!

Friends don't talk about other friends...and especially shouldn't divulge private information - especially to a circle where everyone knows each other. You can dress it up as 'concern' all you want, and perhaps in your mind it was out of concern....that may be true....but divulging pirvate and sensitive information that people ENTRUSTED you with is just really shocking & wrong.

Your loose lips is the cause of public embarrassment & ridicule to these two women - women who, ironically enough, thought enough about you to entrust you with very damning information. You owe them both a very big apology, imo...and also not to play the victim like YOU are the one who made the trust errors...

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 09:51:00

wow ... so jamie tried to sneak yacine in the trunk! odd ... she never mentioned that! best of luck in THAT visa journey!

below you will find my random thoughts on various comments that have been made in yet ANOTHER shining example of the MEAN girls!!

What Shannon said was an indication of her shallowness and immaturity. That kind of stuff wouldn't offend even the most sensitive among us.

yet your responses are examples in what??? profundity and maturescence??

Oh I know some good ones!!

Gupt sleeps with a pink blanky everynight!

Welshcookie is not really Welsh! She's is an Aztec princess.

i knew you would never tell!

My comments aren't meant to be private. I have nothing to hide from you guys. I'm sorry if you've taken offense, Jenn. You know it's wrong of me to say anything about Shannzie's man or his intentions. I don't know him. I guess that was a defense mechanism on my part. I apologize.

very telling that you say this to jenn ... but not to shannon. do you realize how quickly you deplete someone's sails the minute you begin to make reparations?? sad that you can't back away and just apologize to the person you are exchanging verbal blows with.

I am not a fan of Shannon by anymeans but just because you know the arabic curse words doesnt mean you should use them.

this wonderful piece of advice would have been most beneficial for your friend, icey ... but maybe in the form of: just because you know someone's private details doesn't mean that you should use them. too bad!

I know my husband would scald me if he found out I said mean things to or about someone. As I hope yours would too.

Please for the love of God tell me that's a typo!

And finally...I think it's deplorable how ppl cannot keep secrets for their friends! I mean if this Jamie thing is true with the border thing, it seems someone is playing both ends against the middle...and is just wrong wrong wrong.

Posted Image

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-08 22:19:00

(Elhamdullah) finally married to hbib

Now I have to preface the rest of what I'm about to say with the fact that I have read loads of your posts and usually like your no BS style & your wealth of information. Yet, I think in this thread, you've gotten a little impressed with yourself. Whether or not Henia is filing a K1 K3 whatever...it is none of your business really. And you dont have to bash everyone over the head with the 'rules of Islam' and stand up on your pedestal giving your lecture why you know more than everyone else. Whatever Henia has done is her business...and it's between her and her God to deal with...it's not for you to judge. You are free to live your life however you see fit, and while I'm sure it must be annoying to see others 'getting it wrong' where it comes to Islam....this thread was neither the time nor the place to dazzle us all with your brilliance on a topic that has already been beaten to death. I think everyone here (at least I am and I'm rarely in here) is familiar with the 'enforceable' aspect of the contracts and your views on such...and this wasn't the time to start off on it yet again.

Whether or not Henia has done right or wrong...its not your business. Yet if you see her making errors, a quiet private word would have been helpful instead of this 5 grillion page pat-yourself-on-the-back-cos-you-know-more soap box.

If it's none of my business, Lisa, then it's no one's business. so it's best if people keep their business off of a public forum where anyone can make comments and ask questions. I accused Henia of nothing, and stated often that since I had no information about her situtation, I was speaking in general. I did that ONLY after reading the crass feedback and false accusations aimmed at me hours after my last post.

You were using speculation to be able to pass judgement. Come on now, naive doesn't suit you...

Furthermore...It's no one's business whether Henia is 'fornicating' or not....and for you to think otherwise is a bit crazy, imo She didn't ask for your opinion...she didn't ask you to pass judgement on her wedding...sure, you can say whatever you want...but to sit here and go on the same tired rant just seems tactless, as well as a waste of time. The message gets lost in the delivery..

Some of you don't seem to know the difference between public and private, read and ignore, and expect to be able to regulate the reactions of others to what is posted. I can't control your responses to me anymore than you can control my responses to you, so, other than stating how you feel about it, there is really nothing to be done.

The fact is, people see what they want to see, and I gave up long ago trying to explain myself. Why? Because it's so easy to discover the sensitivities of someone who is offended by just about everything. It's not a matter of being impressed by myself; it's about the over reactions of others, imo. Just as someone can agree or disagree with what is said by someone else, they can agree or disagree with what I say.

I guestion, and don't take things at face value. Those who hate that can turn their heads. Truth ain't always pretty, but we can't always deliver roses either.

You gave up trying to explain yourself? Have you READ this thread? :huh:

The fact of the matter is, it's all well and good to sit here and wax lyrical about what a martyr you are here, how misunderstood you are, etc . But before you continue to pat yourself on the back for 'not taking things at face value'<---hang on a second, isn't thisexplaining yourself? I thought you said you weren't going to do that? I don't HATE the fact that you do that...and I really don't think anyone else here does either(you are really giving yourself way too much credit here imo). I just think that there's a time and a place for things, and this was neither. In a social situation...would you speculate whether someone 'fornicates' or not? You're stood face to face with Henia at a party...would you be so socially retarded to pass judgement as if you were some almighty?

Szsz, funnily enough, I really mean no disrespect , because as I said before, I respect your knowledge. But why not take off the 'Oh Enlightened One' cap off for long enough to be just another woman here congratulating another on a milestone in her life. Or ignoring it.

Edited by LisaD, 16 September 2006 - 01:53 PM.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-16 13:49:00

(Elhamdullah) finally married to hbib

Hey, Charles. Did you notice that when I asked for someone to show me where I had accused Henia of fornication, that's when the ignore went up? No can do!

Here, Szsz...I won't ignore that....

If there is a K1 to follow, then the ceremony was a big pre-fornication party with no marriage involved. Is this what everyone is so happy about?

Yes, you did use the word IF in the above quote...but you're smart enough to know what you've said.

Now I have to preface the rest of what I'm about to say with the fact that I have read loads of your posts and usually like your no BS style & your wealth of information. Yet, I think in this thread, you've gotten a little impressed with yourself. Whether or not Henia is filing a K1 K3 whatever...it is none of your business really. And you dont have to bash everyone over the head with the 'rules of Islam' and stand up on your pedestal giving your lecture why you know more than everyone else. Whatever Henia has done is her business...and it's between her and her God to deal with...it's not for you to judge. You are free to live your life however you see fit, and while I'm sure it must be annoying to see others 'getting it wrong' where it comes to Islam....this thread was neither the time nor the place to dazzle us all with your brilliance on a topic that has already been beaten to death. I think everyone here (at least I am and I'm rarely in here) is familiar with the 'enforceable' aspect of the contracts and your views on such...and this wasn't the time to start off on it yet again.

Whether or not Henia has done right or wrong...its not your business. Yet if you see her making errors, a quiet private word would have been helpful instead of this 5 grillion page pat-yourself-on-the-back-cos-you-know-more soap box.

Edited by LisaD, 16 September 2006 - 09:19 AM.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-16 09:18:00

The state of the ME/NA forum

I wish you all the luck in the world....people can disagree and say as much without being downright spiteful or betraying each other.

Tensions run high cos we're all without our partners, and sometimes we all need a step back and a deep breath!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-09 17:21:00

Goodbye ME/NA

Forgive my ignorance, but is Ramadan similar to Catholic Lent where you give something up for a short period of time in an offering to God?

Or is this like a 'i'm sick of this place and not coming back' type thing?

Either way, best of luck in your VJ, Jersey

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-17 19:55:00

I know her. Regardless of your (not YOU personally, Sarah, but the responders in general) speculations and personal judgements she is in a lot of pain and confusion and this didn't help. She left the forum.

Why? Because people stopped telling her what she wanted to hear?

There are times one has to look at what one is being told and whether one likes it or not, it's time to smell the bacon burning.

This reminds me of something I say to myself whenever I'm getting information from people that I don't particularly like. "Well rebecca - everybody else can't be wrong - maybe you are the one that's wrong!'

Her confusion might be helped if somebody pointed her in that direction. If she won't listen to us then maybe she would listen to a friend.

Tell eEbecca what she's won!

oh and Just Waiting....if you're such a friend of hers...shame on you for not telling her what we have! Instead you wanna sit here and chastise everyone for not bein all lollies and gumdrops. Grow a thicker skin if you think this thread's bad...because you're enabling a bad situation that COULD COMPLETELY CHANGE if certain action was taken.

You're doing this visa thing...you know the drill. And a REAL friend will tell you what you don't want to hear...because you NEED to hear it. Instead you wanna play emotional guard dog on this thread and tell us all when we're being awful (which we're not)....SHEESH!

Yes, my tone is cut and dry...but the things YOU'VE accused people on this thread...is ridiculous. We;re all adults here...but we certainly don't need to sing 'I love you...you love me' in order to get along.

Yes, you have the right to say whatever you want, as do I...

Shame on me? Ha ha ha. You guys are a riot.

Yes, shame on you...

1 - I didn't see my post made by 'LisaD et al' so where 'you guys' came from is beyond me

2 - A real friend would have empowered, not enabled. And I think if this woman is really in turmoil....out of everyone here...YOU have offered the least amount of help to her. We;ve all told her what she needs to do...you're policing an effing message board bein all 'BE NICE! WAH WAH' you accuse people of things that are not true....there is a difference between constructive criticism and everything you've said here.

It's a load of twaddle, and tbh, I'm finally a bit sick of Mother Goose coming in telling me how to act. You want mean? I can do mean....I HAVEN'T done mean yet, so if you REALLY wanna see that, then let me know.

Bottom line is...your old song and dance is tired...and boring....wrap yourself in some cotton wool if you must...and actually see that what people here were offering were SOLUTIONS to change her situation. what have you done?

:cry:

oh you guys are so mean I just can't stand it anymore...Jabree's in LOVE don'tcha get it :cry:

...and then jabree can become just_wating_also

Edited by LisaD, 22 September 2006 - 07:09 AM.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 07:08:00

I know her. Regardless of your (not YOU personally, Sarah, but the responders in general) speculations and personal judgements she is in a lot of pain and confusion and this didn't help. She left the forum.

Why? Because people stopped telling her what she wanted to hear?

There are times one has to look at what one is being told and whether one likes it or not, it's time to smell the bacon burning.

This reminds me of something I say to myself whenever I'm getting information from people that I don't particularly like. "Well rebecca - everybody else can't be wrong - maybe you are the one that's wrong!'

Her confusion might be helped if somebody pointed her in that direction. If she won't listen to us then maybe she would listen to a friend.

Tell Rebecca what she's won!

oh and Just Waiting....if you're such a friend of hers...shame on you for not telling her what we have! Instead you wanna sit here and chastise everyone for not bein all lollies and gumdrops. Grow a thicker skin if you think this thread's bad...because you're enabling a bad situation that COULD COMPLETELY CHANGE if certain action was taken.

You're doing this visa thing...you know the drill. And a REAL friend will tell you what you don't want to hear...because you NEED to hear it. Instead you wanna play emotional guard dog on this thread and tell us all when we're being awful (which we're not)....SHEESH!

Yes, my tone is cut and dry...I have had it with you chastising ppl on this thread for NO GOOD REASON other than you're too sensitive to have an adult convo. The things YOU'VE accused people on this thread...is ridiculous. We;re all adults here...but we certainly don't need to sing 'I love you...you love me' in order to get along.

Yes, you have the right to say whatever you want, as do I...and shame on you for enabling instead of empowering.

Edited by LisaD, 22 September 2006 - 06:55 AM.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 06:53:00

Hey, no one said this was a piece of cake. You want everything to be easy? Marry a fellow American. *not that there's anything wrong with that btw, as all of our partners will be doing that, lol*

You want to marry someone halfway around the world? Go MEET that person. Plane tix/fear/blah de blah...how anyone could contemplate marrying a physical stranger is beyond me.

As far as 'oh but the tix is so much'? Ya wanna play. ya hafta pay

Goodluck and goodnight!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-21 21:43:00

I think it looks like a goat

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-21 09:32:00

So the usual judgemental VJ crud has taken over yet another thread. Its so easy when it's NOT YOU, isn't it? But hey, makes a person all feel snuggly warm that he/she are always better in their views then some poor sod who obviously has no clue, eh?

We're all adults on this board, we've all been through so many scenarios in our minds. What works for one may not for another for whatever reason isn't even any of our business, so all the hot air is just ego stroking and not advice giving as you may like to label it. Folks suffer enough stress and anxiety in this process without this fluff. It's a shame really. All the helpful information gets lost in the inevitable muck.

(flame away... as is the VJ style.)

Just_waiting, I think there's a difference between regular applicants and the ones in this situation. I think it's completely unrealistic for them to expect the US to issue him a visa when they have not met face-to-face. If her problem is a fear of flying, I can sympathize...I myself have suffered from a severe flying phobia for years...but it did not stop me from visiting my SO when I still lived in the US (we now both live in the UK). My love for him was greater than my fear of flying. To me, being afraid to fly is not a good enough excuse.

I don't see why she can't just visit him, fear of flying or not. I think it's clear that she will probably have to, since the government isn't going to just let him come over on a K1 unless she does. Plus, what if they meet and decide they don't like each other after all? It may sound silly, but I had a friend in college who 'fell in love' with a guy online. They 'loved' each other online for 7 months until he visited over spring break, and the relationship fizzled within 3 days. That's not the only time I've seen that happen. I fully believe that people CAN fall in love online sight unseen because I have seen it happen, but I also know that it does not always work out...and I think it is extremely important for them to meet for this reason, even without the US government's requirements.

I don't think I'm being harsh at all, just realistic.

If you were in the middle of all the emotions of a denial... I'll bet you would read your thread with different eyes. No matter. I'm sure she has asked herself these questions all a million times.

I understand as well as anyone the need and reason for a couple to meet face to face. Its far too easy to build a fantasy around someone that isn't always accurate without actually seeing the reality first hand. I also think, especially given the differences in culture in a circumstance like this one (and mine), getting an understanding of your SO's homeland and customs are terribly important to building a strong foundation for a marriage. You can't get that over the internet/telephone. However, I still don't feel it necessary to sit and pick her apart for her situation. You never really know until you stand in someone's shoes.

I'm just a bit sensitive at the insensivity on this board lately. Not aimed at anyone directly, I just really feel for people sometimes when I read the comments of others but I guess "support" comes in may wrappers.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the bit in red. Re read this thread...a majority of the posts are ones of support 'hang in there, thinking of you. etc' The rest...which you call judgemental....are those of realistic solutions. The 'hang in theres' are all well and good, but in order to have a real plan as to where she goes from here, well these responses aren't going to help her at all. Ironically, the posts you deemed as judgemental are the ones who offered the most proactive advise which will help her reunite more quickly with her fiancee.

Especially since (speaking for me) seeing that she just retained a lawyer and is spending hard-earned money to fight a probably losing battle...when she could take the same money and save it and put it towards some means of getting to visit her fiance...well that advice should come sooner rather than later, no? Or wait til she throws away money and then be all 'no don't do that!' totally after the fact?

If you can see that as unsupportive, well then I dunno what to say here.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-21 09:20:00

The govt has this proviso for a reason....how can you marry someone you've never met? Seriously, it baffles my mind.

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-21 09:09:00

Surely a flight has to be cheaper than retaining an attorney though?

Best of luck OP

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-21 04:05:00

now I have popcorn stuck in my teeth....

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 22:21:00

[quote name='Morocco4ever' post='464515' date='Sep 22 2006, 10:57 PM'][quote name='jordanianprincess' post='464507' date='Sep 22 2006, 10:55 PM']
[quote name='charlesandnessa' post='464499' date='Sep 22 2006, 07:53 PM']
[quote name='jenn3539' post='464492' date='Sep 22 2006, 09:51 PM']
Posted Image

[/quote]
who's gonna audition for the female sword swallower? :innocent:

[/quote]

The only talent I have is tying a cherry stem in my mouth using only my tounge. :lol:

Will that work?
[/quote]

Your fiance is a lucky man! <did I say that out loud?>
[/quote]

No, you typed it. Prolly in the privacy in your own home.

[quote name='jordanianprincess' post='464533' date='Sep 22 2006, 11:04 PM'][quote name='LisaD' post='464529' date='Sep 22 2006, 08:02 PM']
[quote name='jordanianprincess' post='464517' date='Sep 22 2006, 10:58 PM']
[quote name='LisaD' post='464506' date='Sep 22 2006, 07:54 PM']
[quote name='charlesandnessa' post='464496' date='Sep 22 2006, 10:52 PM']
[quote name='LisaD' post='464487' date='Sep 22 2006, 09:50 PM']
fyi, I am actually eating real popcorn while reading this. no lie[/quote]
buttered? :huh:

[/quote]

don't be so nosy and unsupportive!
[/quote]

Don't be so mean Lisa it was only a question

To be a part of this forum we not only expect you to answer that question but we also expect you to offer him some. Be nice.

[/quote]

I only expect you to offer me well wishes that my popcorn be enjoyable to me....now ** OFF WITH THE QUESTIONS YOU NOSY PEOPLE!!!!
[/quote]

Why even tell us you have popcorn if you are not going to offer us some or even tell us anything about it?????? What is the deal with that? You make a comment and then want to close the subject! If you didnt want any questions then you should have not made that post to begin with !!!!!!
[/quote]

You're hurting my feelings...someone pass me a kleenex.

JP, you're the reason VJ is such shite lately. Shame on you!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 22:05:00

fyi, I am actually eating real popcorn while reading this. no lie
buttered?

don't be so nosy and unsupportive!

Don't be so mean Lisa it was only a question To be a part of this forum we not only expect you to answer that question but we also expect you to offer him some. Be nice.

I only expect you to offer me well wishes that my popcorn be enjoyable to me....now ** OFF WITH THE QUESTIONS YOU NOSY PEOPLE!!!!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 22:02:00

fyi, I am actually eating real popcorn while reading this. no lie
buttered?

don't be so nosy and unsupportive!

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 21:54:00

fyi, I am actually eating real popcorn while reading this. no lie

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 21:50:00

Hmmmmm.....I don't recall any of the posts quite that way. It reminds me of my daughter when she re-enacts one of our disagreements.....she is such a drama queen.

Hyperbole to prove a point obviously........

Anita Cocktail

Male

2006-09-22 19:39:00