ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
QUOTE (bulaklak @ Aug 18 2009, 01:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE
ok thank you ......she said that her father is a councilman for something like that? what is that ????? Is that why they want it to be a big thing?



Probably because they want to invite the whole barrio, they're going to invite plenty of people; and that is including the father friends and co-workers etc. Her father is a COUNCELOR work in the barangay,a job something related for the goverment. helpsmilie.gif


SO THAT MEANS I AM GOING TO BE UNDER THE MICROSCOPE!!!! GREAT LIKE I AM NOT NERVOUS ENOUGH!!!!! LOL
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 15:14:00
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
QUOTE (Robert E Lee @ Aug 18 2009, 12:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Aug 18 2009, 02:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?


Hey bud, $250 for the party ain't enough. The whole barangay should be at hand and you have to butcher a couple of big pigs and two goats the minimum. And the San Miguel, of course. I should know, my wife is from Moncada, Tarlac and that's in the same neck of the woods as your honey. good.gif


so how much are the pigs and goats.......so would they want me butcher them because I would have no problem with it..... i just want to knew what will be expected of me.
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 15:09:00
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
QUOTE (Brian&Naty @ Aug 18 2009, 12:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Aug 18 2009, 02:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hello all, I love this sight so I finally set up an account. Well I am meeting my girls family next week for the first time and have some questions that I am hoping you fellow vjr's to help me with. her and her parents will pick me up at the airport do I do mano po when i meet them or is that old school? also I am paying for a party the next day for all her family to meet me ....i don't mind but is there a limit on how much i should spend or get? .....also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!


Hi,
Naty is just in from the Philippines and she said this:
Mano Po - Shake the hand or touch the hand to the head is fine. I shook hands and this was fine. NO HUGGING

if you wish to ask for the blessing, it is fine to say like this
Sir, I love your daughter very much and I would like to ask you and your wife for your blessing if you will accept me as your son in law.

As far as toys and gifts. Man, don't kill yourself with trying to buy everyone everything. That can be counter-productive. You can buy some things for the family there much cheaper then here.

Naty is saying 4 or 5 pigs is fine, depending on the nuimber of people. They will prepare the food ahead for you, believe me, with no problem. I guess you can get fish and other things. soda, san miguel beer, etc.

Do not try to impress everyone by throwing money down. Come across as a conservative American, generous, but show wisdom in your spending.

if you have old clothes, sure you can bring them, thats your call.

Good Luck on your journey there.

Brian & Naty


thank you that is very very helpful.....4 or 5 pigs?????

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 15:05:00
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
QUOTE (bulaklak @ Aug 18 2009, 12:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, everyone is different, when My bf (now is my hubby) visited Me first time He asked me what kind of a gift He will bring for me and to My Family, I told him it doesn't really a big deal, just let see if We click in person cause it's different when We are communicating in the phone or in the internet. and if We click in person, maybe in your 2 or 3 visits you can bring me or send Me a gift, as long as that is what you like to do,but the most important thing is, just be yourself. innocent.gif What I'm trying to say here is, some women are not comfortable to accept a gift from a stranger. don't get Me wrong I never said accepting a gift from a stranger is wrong. however, if I have to request a gift from My fiance, I'm sure is not toys,soaps,or an old clothes. it should be flowers or a yummy good chocolate. devil.gif blink.gif tongue_ss.gif


anyway, o.p. go ahead and give them gifts.


QUOTE
also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!



thank you .....she has alot of nieces and nephews so I was going to go to the dollar store to pick things up there...lol

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 15:02:00
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
QUOTE (HappyDancer @ Aug 18 2009, 12:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Charlie,

I know what you mean and that does seem to cause some apprehensions on my end. I know it's risky and you really have to practice good judgement. Great that you are asking for input and that should not be taken the wrong way. That place where she is coming from is a rural area. They do have some exposure to city life but not that much which may be both good and bad. Morally speaking, they are conscious of reputation and come from a town where there will be no secrets - everybody knows everybody - which may be the reason why they want to "show off". They are very Catholic. I know this for sure as my mom graduated from a neighboring town where her university is at. You'll be just fine. But again, practice good judgement and do not hesitate to say no - in a nice way as they are sensitive too.

If aunts are 17-18 year olds, just shake their hands! LOL


ok thank you ......she said that her father is a councilman for something like that? what is that ????? Is that why they want it to be a big thing?
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 14:53:00
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
QUOTE (HappyDancer @ Aug 18 2009, 12:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Aug 18 2009, 02:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?


Kissing the hand is the exact same way you put their hand on your forehead. We just call it that so you are on the right track.

I think $250.00 is too much, but if you can afford it, then that shouldn't be a problem. And where she is from - gosh that's too much! But if they are talking $10/person, that probably mean,s they are hiring a caterer. That's just the way it is. Whne you marry a Filipina, the guy spends for everything from the engagement party to the wedding details, everything! I just wish they wouldn't bleed you to death, though.

I have nothing against your lady's family, but don't you think if you are spending for a party you have full control as to how much you are willing to spend? whistling.gif

The mano of the aunts and uncles will only be when they are older than you - yes.

Hope this helps. Good luck! With the economic recession, I sure hope you're not ripped off when you come back.



thank you .....I told her that seemed a little to high i was thinking in the range of what you said in your first comment 100-150 ....i told her that last night and she was very apologetic about it i don't think they are trying to rip me off since she has never asked for a penny from me before and i have been trough a relationship before where she bleed me dry and I found out the ex was doing it on purpose......So If aunts are 17-18 years old I still do it? I did tell her I have a budget so lets see what she says tonight .........So how is that province I am going to? I have been to the Phils numerous times in the past but all my business is done in makati and clark where the offices are at her father said that he doesn't really want me to go out to the local places so we were thinking for going to Bugio for a couple of days.

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 14:14:00
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
QUOTE (HappyDancer @ Aug 18 2009, 11:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
GOsh! You will have a full load of luggage... Be careful will the excess luggage charges.

I suppose your SO is from the province, more of a rural setting then? This "mano"/ kissing of the hands is really big in the provincial areas.

Go ahead and "kiss" the hands of her parents when you get to meet them for the first time. My hubby had to do that as a form of respect to my parents. Also, here in the Philippines, you would have to call your SOs parents "mom and dad" after you are married.

With regards to the party for her family the next day, it doesn't really matter. It's a big complicated social issue in the Philippines and a common misnomer that when a Pinay marries a caucasian man - to most means an American right away- that the guy is well off and independently wealthy. Sad to say, that mindset has not been fully eradicated yet. But do not despair, just let your lady know that you have a set budget for economics' sake. Say about $100 worth of food to feed most of the visitors. Don't worry, food is not all that expensive in the Philippines, and I would guess your SOs relatives are more curious to meet you more than anything - the party is just an excuse. And, you better remember - kissing of the hands might have to be the case for every uncle, aunt, grannies, etc! You'd be dizzy before you know it especially if your lady has TONS of relatives as we are big in extended families.

The giving of the gifts should not be a big deal - but my concern is your luggage. But soaps, perfumes (ot necessarily high end ones), chocolates, disposable watches, purses (again, not necessarily high end), fashion jewelry... anything as a form of a gift will be appreciated in the Philippines... And yes, used clothing will even do. =)

Relax... you will be just fine!



Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 13:53:00
Philippinesmeeting her family for the first TIME!!!
Hello all, I love this sight so I finally set up an account. Well I am meeting my girls family next week for the first time and have some questions that I am hoping you fellow vjr's to help me with. her and her parents will pick me up at the airport do I do mano po when i meet them or is that old school? also I am paying for a party the next day for all her family to meet me ....i don't mind but is there a limit on how much i should spend or get? .....also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-18 13:15:00
PhilippinesHow often do you talk?
Every night 7pm-10pm like clock work on skpe or yahoo then when i get up at 5am I call her to tell her good night since she always seems to be going to bed between 8-9 pm her time
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-21 14:28:00
PhilippinesI am so SAD!!!
at the same time it could also be financial issues!!!.....I know I have a lot of things in my house the me and the ex purchased together but I know I don't have the money to replace it all!!!! from the car to living room set stuff like that .........When me and Pamela are as one we will start to replace things of her choice but we will take it day by day month by month ....I know my luggage was a wedding gift but I just look at it as luggage nothing else no sentimental value......On a funnier note I was cleaning the closet out the other day and my ex's wedding dress was in there ...so I brought it right outside to the fire pit and took care of it!!!!!!!!.......lol>>>>that felt so GOOD!!!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-26 12:54:00
Philippinesbirth certificate error
QUOTE (marriedtomrg @ Aug 26 2009, 10:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi charlie&pam.

Yes, even if it was their error, they expect you to pay for their mistake...still you also have to take into consideration how your girl's BC was prepared...many clerical errors happen when someone is dealing with a handwritten or otherwise illegible information.

My mom's BC and MC had a double whammy. On her BC, her name was correct, but her mother's name was not. On her BC, her mother's name was wrong (because they based it on the BC) AND all their middle initials were incorrect. We started working on her BC, but there was so much back and forth, the whole process took way more than 4 weeks.

After your girl gets the error on her BC corrected at the Local Civil Registrar's Office, there is another process for taking it down to the National Statistics Office so that the BC with the error will be replaced by the one with the correction...just make sure the 4 weeks they are quoting refers to the wait time at the LCRO + the NSO time.

Best to get it remedied while there is time...there isn't any room for arguing in their procedure.

QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Aug 27 2009, 12:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My girl got her BC yesterday when she got home she noticed her first name was spelled Pamala instead of Pamela so she went down there and they told her it would be $1500.00 pesos to fix and it would take 4 weeks.....For me it seems if it was their mistake they should fix it right away and why charge for it?????.....Or is this a way that the Goverment tries to make extra money? Anyone else run into this problem?




wow!!!! so they could make errors on everyone's if they wanted to and make money off of it!!!!! amazing .....oh well you have to do what you have to do!!!! i guess

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-26 12:49:00
Philippinesbirth certificate error
My girl got her BC yesterday when she got home she noticed her first name was spelled Pamala instead of Pamela so she went down there and they told her it would be $1500.00 pesos to fix and it would take 4 weeks.....For me it seems if it was their mistake they should fix it right away and why charge for it?????.....Or is this a way that the Goverment tries to make extra money? Anyone else run into this problem?
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-26 11:58:00
PhilippinesFestivals in the Philippines
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 1 2009, 01:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
In my hometown, we have the Baguio Flower Festival, more commonly known as the Panagbenga Festival. It's our version of the Rose Parade in Pasadena, Calif. good.gif

http://www.gobaguio....benga/home.html




I was up there for that this past monday we didnt know it was going to happen we went out after breakfast and saw it getting ready to start...It was a nice treat
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-04 10:04:00
Philippineshow many VJr's are in Arizona
Just wondering How many are ion Arizona?
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-12 14:00:00
Philippineshow to resize a picture
yes!!!! I finally got it to work!!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-13 13:44:00
Philippineshow to resize a picture
QUOTE (AbbynSheryl @ Sep 12 2009, 11:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 12 2009, 01:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (AbbynSheryl @ Sep 11 2009, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
this is free online service u just upload and after rezise u save to ur folder. it is very easy to use and very good, i use this for about 10 years,

http://www.webresizer.com/

abby n sheryl


thank you that was so easy it does it automatically ...lol So how did she like the house abbey?


lol she loves it, hahaha
we are having so much fun now thank god i am so happy that she is here with me now.
the program i gave u the link webresizer is really easy and simple and great to use, i love that program and i use it for all my needs daily.
good luck to ur visa journey.
abby n sheryl




i am so happy for the both of you thank you for the help... enjoy and love each other ......now how do i get my picture to show up i put it on there but it is not showing or does it take a while ???

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-12 14:08:00
Philippineshow to resize a picture
QUOTE (AbbynSheryl @ Sep 11 2009, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
this is free online service u just upload and after rezise u save to ur folder. it is very easy to use and very good, i use this for about 10 years,

http://www.webresizer.com/

abby n sheryl


thank you that was so easy it does it automatically ...lol So how did she like the house abbey?

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-12 13:52:00
Philippineshow to resize a picture
QUOTE (cEzYcHiC @ Sep 11 2009, 12:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Go to picnik.com and you could resize your pic there. Plus you could also do some enhancements. By the way, it's FREE. good.gif


work wont let me get into this one either ....at least I will have things to do tonight
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 15:02:00
Philippineshow to resize a picture
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 11 2009, 12:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
They have a 15 day free trial at this site. It's very easy to follow.

http://www.tangotool...er/download.htm


darn it my work computer will not let me download it
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 15:00:00
Philippineshow to resize a picture
I am trying to re size a picture to put on here but I can't figure it out I am so computer illiterate when it comes to these things can someone help me? Thanks
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 14:36:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 13 2009, 07:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (tallcoolone @ Sep 13 2009, 05:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (DobermanGuy @ Sep 13 2009, 01:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 12 2009, 01:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i am not broke...lol.... just tight ......I helped out with something else her family needed so I am just tight till the next pay check that is all.


If you are waiting for the next paycheck, You are broke dude... whistling.gif

FWIW, I HAVE been there and done that also. Won't ever do it again because it sucks... good.gif

my thoughts to you to help you sleep better at night and have less stress: Live like you are poor until you have at least 6 months worth of CASH for your living expenses laying around and then live like that a little longer until you that much also in the bank...

I don't run to the bank to deposit my paychecks. I wait till I get 4 or 5 of them and make a single trip to the bank. This helps the environment.. whistling.gif I make fewer trips to the bank which saves me gas and also cuts back on the greenhouse gasses that my car produces so that I may pollute the environment in 'other' ways and still make the same size carbon footprint when all is said and done...

I also sleep better at night because I KNOW that if something 'happens' in life, It will not be a problem or a burden if I have an emergency fund set aside... When you live 'check to check' you lose both freedom and power.

'Stuff' WILL happen when your honey gets here. Unexpected expenses WILL arrive with little or NO notice to you. You want to plan ahead and save now so that when it does happen it will not worry you and mess up a night of potentially great sex with your honey with worry about how the bills are going to be paid. devil.gif


Agreed, One should try to keep 6 months to 1 year salary in a emergency fund, just in case something goes wrong. That way you have money and time to be able to recover.



The problem here is that the preponderance of Americans are on a hand-to-mouth existence and there's nothing left for the piggy bank. crying.gif




good advice from the top 2 posters .........and you always make me chuckle in a good way....lol

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-13 13:43:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (Rocky_nBullwinkle @ Sep 12 2009, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 12 2009, 11:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (loveaboo @ Sep 11 2009, 11:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was trying to edit my previous post to include my answer to the OP's question but it wouldn't allow me.

Anyways, I don't think you broke any unwritten rule. In our culture, it's the man's responsibility to provide. Since you're not married yet, it's up to both of you how comfortable each of you in the idea of you providing for her. With me and my fiance, we're very comfortable with each other already. It's like we're already married without that piece of paper. We discuss everything. He doesn't make decisions without consulting me, especially when it comes to finances and vice versa.

With you and your fiancee, I don't know how open you are with each other. I agree with Luvtechwifey, open communication and willingness to compromise are the key to a good relationship. Honestly, I don't think she's upset because you sent her money. It could be as simple as she's worried that because of you sending her money, you might end up compromising something there (unless money is not an issue at all to you). She shouldn't worry about you thinking that she's using you for money. She should know that you know her better than that.



you make a good point she knows money is tight on my end right now maybe that is the problem.

Maybe she wants you to save money for expenses later. If you run out of money now, you may not be able to pay for the medical, the embassy interview, and the plane ticket. Besides, she don't want a broke husband! star_smile.gif


i am not broke...lol.... just tight ......I helped out with something else her family needed so I am just tight till the next pay check that is all.
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-12 14:14:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (loveaboo @ Sep 11 2009, 11:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was trying to edit my previous post to include my answer to the OP's question but it wouldn't allow me.

Anyways, I don't think you broke any unwritten rule. In our culture, it's the man's responsibility to provide. Since you're not married yet, it's up to both of you how comfortable each of you in the idea of you providing for her. With me and my fiance, we're very comfortable with each other already. It's like we're already married without that piece of paper. We discuss everything. He doesn't make decisions without consulting me, especially when it comes to finances and vice versa.

With you and your fiancee, I don't know how open you are with each other. I agree with Luvtechwifey, open communication and willingness to compromise are the key to a good relationship. Honestly, I don't think she's upset because you sent her money. It could be as simple as she's worried that because of you sending her money, you might end up compromising something there (unless money is not an issue at all to you). She shouldn't worry about you thinking that she's using you for money. She should know that you know her better than that.



you make a good point she knows money is tight on my end right now maybe that is the problem.
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-12 13:35:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 11 2009, 12:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 11 2009, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 11 2009, 09:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 11 2009, 12:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 11 2009, 09:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You did not break any unwritten rule, bud. I imagine her as having a penchant for acting and that she must very joyous in the inside. Now, she can have nice snacks and go watch a movie or two. good.gif


I hope so I feel real bad? Is the pic on you have from the SM mall looking over baguio? I was there a few weeks ago.




Yeah, you got it! You have seen the Flower Festival, have you not?


yes I have it was on the first






How did the party in Pangasinan go? Were you able to water down the lechon and calderreta with San Miguel or basi?


it went great!!!! I was still tired from flying in the night before didn't get to sleep till about 4am....They told me people were going to start to show up about 3 but they started to show up at 10 .....lol..... she has a great family 30 people ended up being over 60 (my head was spinning) ......I was doing mano (blessing) to the people I was supposed to ( she was helping me by telling me who) and all her younger brothers and sisters and cousins and even aunts and uncles were doing it to me ....I guess because I was older......I guess a lot of people were shocked when her grandfather got there I went to bless him but he pulled his hand away and gave me a big hug.....she said that her family was shocked .....I was drinking mig light ....her uncles were trying to get me to do a lot of GSM with them but I told Pam when they called me over to bring me to meet someone else (really didn't want to get drunk) but about 11 pm they got some redhorse and that is how we ended the night....Really the whole experience there was a culture shock for me on how they lived but I love how the family is structured and helps each other out all the time!!!!! Also asked dad off to the side if I could have his daughters had and he said of coarse since she has made up her mind and she is a grown girl and there is nothing he can do...lol......it was a great week
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 15:18:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (uniquecouple @ Sep 11 2009, 10:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 11 2009, 09:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?


matured ones do not expose any particular things like this outside the ring. they would keep it, talk about it and resolve it only by themselves not with the whole world who are enjoying by urging one's thinking. grow up!


It is really nice to see that you have an open mind about this subject!!!!! All I was asking if I broke some sort of tradition or some sort of thing like that. Also some advice on how told handle it if I did.......So get out of your little world of trying to degrade me and look in the mirror

QUOTE (edp333 @ Sep 11 2009, 12:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (adiiann @ Sep 11 2009, 11:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 12 2009, 12:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?



Hmmmm... this is what I think about your scenario. Well, it is really annoying that people in the Philippines in general always think that when you have a foreign fiance/husband/wife, they are sending you lots of money.

So, sometimes in the relationship that we commonly have here, money is an issue, even though you have good intention.

Your woman doesn't want you to feel that she is using you because it hurts to feel already that people think she is using you because she's receiving money from you.

Sometimes, when I got broke before my payday, I asked my husband(fiance that time) to send me money to pay for my bills. Practically, my bills were for communications. I always have 6000 Php worth of phone bills because I always called him for I have better signal that his mobile phone. Then, I have internet bills to pay too also. Then, sometimes, I shopped for his clothings when I saw good bargains. It's really no big deal.

So, maybe just tell her that you wanted to make her comfortable enough for your long distance relationship. And that money you are sending isn't for letting her feel that you are buying her love but to make things easier for her to move along the relationship.


+1, I agree with this explanation.

You could explain that is was not your intention to make her feel ashamed and you sent the money while you had it. It can be saved and used used for future expenses.


thank you very much for the advice this is what I was looking for.

Edited by charlie&pam, 11 September 2009 - 02:33 PM.

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 14:32:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 11 2009, 09:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 11 2009, 12:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 11 2009, 09:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You did not break any unwritten rule, bud. I imagine her as having a penchant for acting and that she must very joyous in the inside. Now, she can have nice snacks and go watch a movie or two. good.gif


I hope so I feel real bad? Is the pic on you have from the SM mall looking over baguio? I was there a few weeks ago.




Yeah, you got it! You have seen the Flower Festival, have you not?


yes I have it was on the first


QUOTE (jom @ Sep 11 2009, 09:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 11 2009, 12:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?


How did you figure she was running low when you talked to her?


because i didn't send her much last week since I was running short on money.
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 12:25:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (muñequita linda @ Sep 11 2009, 09:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You did not break any unwritten rule, bud. I imagine her as having a penchant for acting and that she must very joyous in the inside. Now, she can have nice snacks and go watch a movie or two. good.gif


I hope so I feel real bad? Is the pic on you have from the SM mall looking over baguio? I was there a few weeks ago.

QUOTE (adiiann @ Sep 11 2009, 09:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 12 2009, 12:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?



Hmmmm... this is what I think about your scenario. Well, it is really annoying that people in the Philippines in general always think that when you have a foreign fiance/husband/wife, they are sending you lots of money.

So, sometimes in the relationship that we commonly have here, money is an issue, even though you have good intention.

Your woman doesn't want you to feel that she is using you because it hurts to feel already that people think she is using you because she's receiving money from you.

Sometimes, when I got broke before my payday, I asked my husband(fiance that time) to send me money to pay for my bills. Practically, my bills were for communications. I always have 6000 Php worth of phone bills because I always called him for I have better signal that his mobile phone. Then, I have internet bills to pay too also. Then, sometimes, I shopped for his clothings when I saw good bargains. It's really no big deal.

So, maybe just tell her that you wanted to make her comfortable enough for your long distance relationship. And that money you are sending isn't for letting her feel that you are buying her love but to make things easier for her to move along the relationship.


Thank you that makes good sense I am going to use that.
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 11:34:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
QUOTE (rockhouse @ Sep 11 2009, 09:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
pms



PROBABLY!!!!! LOL

QUOTE (Minya's wife @ Sep 11 2009, 09:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 11 2009, 11:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?


Wait, you sent her money last week, and this week you got the impression that she was running low, already? What made you think that?


Well I get paid every other week and just got paid yesterday the week before I didn't send her that much. So since I got paid I just figured I would.
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 11:27:00
Philippinescan someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?
Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-11 11:08:00
Philippinesputting the package together today!!!!!
Thank you all for your help I have completed it all .........except have to go and pick up more pics at CVS...lol....i figured I would include 15 (she emailed me a bunch of the engagement party last night) ....SO HERE WE GO!!!!. I double and triple checked it all!!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-14 10:53:00
Philippinesputting the package together today!!!!!
QUOTE (JelloShotGirl @ Sep 13 2009, 03:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
keep in mind during this process better to have TOO much info than not enough. The comsular officer at Manila was REALLY looking through our pictures, good luck!



but she will bringing more to manila with her right?

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-13 17:41:00
Philippinesputting the package together today!!!!!
QUOTE (itzallgood @ Sep 13 2009, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 13 2009, 11:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am putting everything together today to get it to the California station. Just a couple of in general questions......with the passport photos is says put in a baggie and attach it to a piece of paper...should you staple the bag to it or glue it and then put it after the 325? also do you do the same thing with the pictures of us together? and would you send pictures of just us together or me with her family also? How many should i send ? Also with the declaration do I need to attach another sheet of paper when I can fit it into the box on the paper? I am going right off the list from this site which is great!!!Thanks VJr's star_smile.gif



Charlie, congratz on getting the package together. It's a big step and accomplishment! We hope you had a gr8 time meeting your girl for the 1st time--ain't nothing like it!

In case I missed it, can you report on how it went with your party, gift giving, vibe with the relatives? It's an awkward and stressful time when we are under the microscope and all. We don't want to be pressured to spend money like water, but likewise, we don't want to appear "kuripot" (stingy) either. It sounds like you are a sensible guy, and draw limits tactfully as needed. We do need to change the stereotype that Kanos are born with a lucky leprechaun kettle of gold coins to handout.

Best wishes to you and your girl, and here's to getting that NOA1 next week!

ps, if you already made tenative plans to go back while flying home, welcome to the club. You are now one of the doomed and addicted to these magical women. good.gif



i replied to another person so I just cut and pasted it her for you it went great but i did give her parents some money for treatment for her brother who is very sick. I saw him so I know it was legit....I wouldn't wish it on anyone what he is going through!!!

it went great!!!! I was still tired from flying in the night before didn't get to sleep till about 4am....They told me people were going to start to show up about 3 but they started to show up at 10 .....lol..... she has a great family 30 people ended up being over 60 (my head was spinning) ......I was doing mano (blessing) to the people I was supposed to ( she was helping me by telling me who) and all her younger brothers and sisters and cousins and even aunts and uncles were doing it to me ....I guess because I was older......I guess a lot of people were shocked when her grandfather got there I went to bless him but he pulled his hand away and gave me a big hug.....she said that her family was shocked .....I was drinking mig light ....her uncles were trying to get me to do a lot of GSM with them but I told Pam when they called me over to bring me to meet someone else (really didn't want to get drunk) but about 11 pm they got some redhorse and that is how we ended the night....Really the whole experience there was a culture shock for me on how they lived but I love how the family is structured and helps each other out all the time!!!!! Also asked dad off to the side if I could have his daughters hand and he said of coarse since she has made up her mind and she is a grown girl and there is nothing he can do...lol......it was a great week



what about the declaration do you have to put it on a separate sheet?

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-13 17:23:00
Philippinesputting the package together today!!!!!
I am putting everything together today to get it to the California station. Just a couple of in general questions......with the passport photos is says put in a baggie and attach it to a piece of paper...should you staple the bag to it or glue it and then put it after the 325? also do you do the same thing with the pictures of us together? and would you send pictures of just us together or me with her family also? How many should i send ? Also with the declaration do I need to attach another sheet of paper when I can fit it into the box on the paper? I am going right off the list from this site which is great!!!Thanks VJr's star_smile.gif

Edited by charlie&pam, 13 September 2009 - 01:52 PM.

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-13 13:51:00
PhilippinesYour Filipino Wife/Fiancée
To be honest I have been on both sides of the coin on this one......my first relationship was all about the money when i went out there is was all about what I could buy her.....I was blind at first but my eyes were opened when a friend of her contacted me and told me things that I didnt know and other sites she was on ........which i found so I created a screen name and caught her!!!!!!.....i was just going to put the paperwork in for her that week that all this came about.......But with the relationship I have now is night and day from my past!!!!....I have a girl who loves me for me never asks for a dime but when she does feels ashamed and only asks for 1000 pesos so we can get on line together (it is so far in between I always send her more and she budgets it) ....next week I am meeting her family so those thought dont exist anymore!!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-08-24 10:05:00
PhilippinesHOW DOES THE EMBASSY GET YOUR FIANCEE'S EMAIL ADRESS
QUOTE (iahmjpinoy @ Sep 14 2009, 12:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 14 2009, 12:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was just getting ready to sent the paper work in and of coarse I want to make sure everything is good when I was reading more in the forums. I was reading that they get notified through email when the paperwork is recieved so that they can set up their medicals and interview. How does the embassy get that information I am readying through everything (all the paperwork) and cant find out where it goes???? I don't want to mail it with out knowing this last little thing....please help I am worried enough as it is .....Thanks VJr's!!!

When I recieved the NOA2 and I called the USEM to schedule the appointment, I gave them the email of my fiance(they will ask for it so they can send her the appointment info, on top of a letter in the mail to her). If you call or if your fiance calls to schedule the appointment, they will ask you for some personal info to make sure it's really you are and then they will asked for the email address.


Ingats!



ok !!!!!!! Great I think I must of reasd every word in every form I am sending in!!!!! Good nothing to worry about then....Thank you so much!!!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-14 14:20:00
PhilippinesHOW DOES THE EMBASSY GET YOUR FIANCEE'S EMAIL ADRESS
I was just getting ready to sent the paper work in and of coarse I want to make sure everything is good when I was reading more in the forums. I was reading that they get notified through email when the paperwork is recieved so that they can set up their medicals and interview. How does the embassy get that information I am readying through everything (all the paperwork) and cant find out where it goes???? I don't want to mail it with out knowing this last little thing....please help I am worried enough as it is .....Thanks VJr's!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-14 14:03:00
PhilippinesIf you could be SOMEBODY ...
lol....Thanks...We can all dream right!!!!
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-13 14:27:00
PhilippinesIf you could be SOMEBODY ...
I want to be the guy who make the rules on how long the Visa's take to help everyone out!!!! Instead of 6 months or more....... how would a week sound to everyone!!!!! Then we can all be happy and no more stressing out about everything!!!

Edited by charlie&pam, 13 September 2009 - 02:17 PM.

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-13 14:16:00
PhilippinesIs it too early for her to start getting together her stuff?
QUOTE (tallcoolone @ Sep 22 2009, 07:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (charlie&pam @ Sep 22 2009, 08:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (tallcoolone @ Sep 21 2009, 04:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (PhiLandShiR @ Sep 21 2009, 12:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What you might also do is have your SO take some medical tests at the local clinic. While these are of no value to St Lukes, they can remove some stress if they show all is good. If they do show a problem, you can spend the time between now and your medical working to get them resolved.

Good Luck! good.gif

Phil


Phil, also suggest to have your girl go to Embassy and practice waiting in line


LOL..........she was at the place to get her NBI all day yesterday she left at 9am and got back at 6pm......wow what takes them so long???


I will tell you why.

Filipino's love to "Fall Into Line", it a National Pastime Hobby


she said that they were waiting in line then they had a lunch break came back were she just sat and waited to be called????

Edited by charlie&pam, 22 September 2009 - 09:25 AM.

charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-22 09:21:00
PhilippinesIs it too early for her to start getting together her stuff?
QUOTE (tallcoolone @ Sep 21 2009, 04:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (PhiLandShiR @ Sep 21 2009, 12:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What you might also do is have your SO take some medical tests at the local clinic. While these are of no value to St Lukes, they can remove some stress if they show all is good. If they do show a problem, you can spend the time between now and your medical working to get them resolved.

Good Luck! good.gif

Phil


Phil, also suggest to have your girl go to Embassy and practice waiting in line


LOL..........she was at the place to get her NBI all day yesterday she left at 9am and got back at 6pm......wow what takes them so long???
charlie&pamMalePhilippines2009-09-22 08:39:00