ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jan 18 2008, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jomo @ Jan 18 2008, 09:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's not the disagreeing part, it's the ripping into each other part.

It's such a fine line. I get so caught up in my own thoughts and words sometimes that I come across too strongly. I've eaten more crow then I ever thought possible.
Does crow and kenkey go together? no0pb.gif laughing.gif

So far, this one is pretty tame compared to some things I have read on this board.

Whenever I feel really ready to vent about what someone said, I go to the MENA thread. Those ladies on there teach me patience and holding my tongue all the time. They are incredibly gracious.




You will have to answer that one for ME!

Andre would just serve it with some white rice!!!!!
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-18 12:49:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
I'd be interested in seeing how African foods differ from what we eat as a Jamaican household.

And, yes, you guys are making me hungry just thinking about food.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-18 11:31:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
It's not the disagreeing part, it's the ripping into each other part.

It's such a fine line. I get so caught up in my own thoughts and words sometimes that I come across too strongly. I've eaten more crow then I ever thought possible.

So far, this one is pretty tame compared to some things I have read on this board.

Whenever I feel really ready to vent about what someone said, I go to the MENA thread. Those ladies on there teach me patience and holding my tongue all the time. They are incredibly gracious.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-18 10:47:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
QUOTE (Nixz_Chi @ Jan 17 2008, 04:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Back to the topic of the book....

Hmmm...I doubt that I'll invest money in purchasing this book. Its seems as if this man's point of view would be slightly different from the views of our significant others'. I'm only saying this because the man hasn't lived in Africa for more than 25 years. A majority of the ladies on here are getting married to men that recently left Africa within the last year. Some of our SO's haven't left yet. Different mentality if you ask me. In my own observations, the mentalites of the african men that have been living in the states for some time is a bit watered down. Some of them tend to try to behave like americans if you ask me. I'm sure this guy isn't saying anything different than what we've heard from the few men that contribute on this board. He lived in Nigeria in the 80's...does he really know the struggle and the issues that our men face in this day and age? Can he really relate? Or is he basing it off of what he hears from his folks back home. Who knows?

I'm sure its a really good book, and I'm not trying to discredit the message this guy is trying to put out. I'm just saving my $20. I have an african father, uncles, brothers that can probably give me the same insight this dude will. And in my opinion, you don't learn how to love a man through a book.

Not trying to cause a stir, just giving my honest opinion.


I see your point. And, I struggle with this a bit too.

I'm on another website strictly for Jamaica talk and I frequently talk to an older man who has been out of Jamaica for over half his life. Talk is probably a nice way to put it. We frequently clash on opinions. And, my main argument is that Jamaica has changed a lot since he left and he has also changed. He's stuck in this old traditional mentality that is not really how Jamaica is anymore and he has rose colored glasses on.

What I have learned over the last year or so is that even if our opinions are different, he has many wonderful insights that I have learned from, especially since it is from a man's point of view. He loved his country and continues to support it in any way he can. When he does visit, he comes back to me and tells me I was right about some things or he still disagrees with me. We learn from each other.

I don't think you can completely discredit him because he's been out of Africa for so long. He has a basis for what he is speaking And, I think you can learn how your own man may change as well.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-18 10:10:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Jan 17 2008, 11:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jomo @ Jan 17 2008, 08:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I HATE the fact that I now suck my teeth.


My mom used to smack me in the back of the head every time I sucked my teeth. I quickly dropped the habit. Need a hand.....



Ummmm....no....think I'll pass this time. (And, yes, I did just suck teeth when I read that!) Hee hee.....

Edited by Jomo's girl, 17 January 2008 - 12:27 PM.

*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-17 12:26:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
QUOTE (Omoba @ Jan 16 2008, 10:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Uno, no the book does not address space issues, nor does it cover "reality check we're not rich here issues."
It just covers the "money will get send period " issues. wink.gif
The way I dealt with this was to tell him all my debt.........and income, over and over again. When he heard how much I owe he said for someone to have that much debt over here he would have to be a very rich person. rolleyes.gif
He totally gets it now. For some it will take cold hard reality to hit them when they are here and then some will sometimes go into a depression until they recoup from their busted bubble of an easy life. They don't get the constant work , work , work and little vacation time and the fact that they can't wander in late for work or get off as easy as in their home country. Once they realize this it will flow easier. I have heard a lot of complains from immigrants in this matter, not just Africans.

My fiance also understands that he will have to start at any job available and work himself up the ladder. The education level of an engineer just does not cut it here a lot of times and the humility and embarrassment about not getting hired can be great and can produce hostility and irritability.

They may be a big man there in front of everyone but here they can feel like a nobody and it takes great patience to stand behind them in support.
It is def an ego buster to a man.

ESL taken here would give him something to do while waiting for a job.
No, the book does not come in audio or video. You can get the author as a speaker though.


All I want to say to this is, saying he gets it and actually getting it, are two different things. Believe me when I say this. I, too talked over and over and over again about everything financial. Until he saw the bank balance, the bills, the actual paychecks, and wanted to buy something not in the budget that check, he really didn't get it.

Preparing them is a wonderful thing. Just don't take it too hard when you find out they really didn't get it as well as you thought. Just hold your tongue and explain it again. We are heading towards 2 years of living together and it still crops up from time to tome.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-17 09:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jan 16 2008, 09:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hey Y'all,
I know this is about the "book club", but I have a question. Does the book address the "space" issues, I do believe you all touched upon the sending *cough* money *choke* back *cough* home issue (ahem) huh.gif .
Moving on, does it also discuss things like helping our SO adjust to western world norms, social issues, politics, and the difference between what the media pumps in to their country (BET, Videos, and such) and what true reality is? Alot of my husbands family and friends seem to think that I eat spinach and ####### "benjamins" on a whim ohmy.gif .
When I try to explain how things really are to them, I get the *feeling* that they think that I am lying about our "poverty". My husband has even told me "how can you compare poverty in the united states with poverty in africa huh.gif ?" He just does not get "it sad.gif ."
Another thing, and forgive me for rambling, but...my husband has a degree in engineering biggrin.gif , he seems to think that he can just command a job because he is "educated." His english is okay, (I understand him), but his grammer could use some brushing up, how do I explain to him that he is still not upto par with our written language helpsmilie.gif .
I suggested that he take an ESL class and he blew it off blush.gif .
I am mighty afraid that he is going to have a cultural melt down due to his perceived notions about america crying.gif .
Okay, I am done.
(next person, to the mic) rose.gif .

p.s. is this book on tape or cd?


My husband did not have a meltdown; but it was (and still is sometimes) a rough adjustment. My husband always says every Jamaican should come to the US so they can see how it really is. He thought (his family and friends continue to think) the streets were paved with gold and I have a money tree in the back yard. Now that he sees how hard I work(ed) and how hard he must work to get what we need and want, his perceptions have changed. BET, Cable, Movies, Music..........are the DEVIL. The images they project create unrealistic expectations.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-17 09:05:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Jan 16 2008, 01:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (chispas @ Jan 16 2008, 02:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
True dat ting. I like to point out different things just to see how many items are similar to our culture. One thing we eat is (coo-coo) which they call (corn foo-foo). Jalof rice with chicken is our (arroz con pollo) Eaten very much alike


We actually swap the two. Ghanaians make FuFu with cassava in the south and we call that provisions. But I think kenkey is also made with cassava and we make that with cornmeal in Guyana and its called Conkey. Even the name is similar really. We call jollof rice with chicken Pelau. And smoked fish, which isn't as popular here in the US, was back in style in my new second home. Coconuts being headed in the streets and you can drink the water before you eat the meat.....man, I thought I was back home. They also strip sugar cane to snack on.....heaven! laughing.gif I must admit it was nice because it was all so familiar even where it was different. But the reality is the slaves in Guyana were British slaves and probably came from the British Gold Coast of which Ghana was a part. I hope that DNA tests don't show I'm related to Bassi..... unsure.gif totally kidding! His people are from BF and migrated south years back.


We had steamed fish and crackers two nights ago. The similarities are mounting.



QUOTE (ara @ Jan 16 2008, 02:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (chispas @ Jan 16 2008, 12:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jomo @ Jan 16 2008, 07:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I admit it.....I'm lurking here. And, learning. Some of this stuff must be universal. My husband likes to say "you keep it".


Hey Jomo,
You are most definately not a lurker here. When I was in Africa, I was pleasantly surprised to notice we (from Latin America and the Caribe) acted very much like people there. Even some of the myths, gestures, foods, and habits were exactly the same. I tell everyone that it must be the DNA. That sucking of the teeth thing (tcho) was everywhere. So you fit in with us heart.gif



I had to laugh yes.gif I thought my husband was the only one who sucked his teeth.



I HATE the fact that I now suck my teeth.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-17 08:58:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLoving the African male
I admit it.....I'm lurking here. And, learning. Some of this stuff must be universal. My husband likes to say "you keep it".
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-16 10:30:00
Africa: Sub-Saharansupport
You can always use child support as income, if you like. I would only use it as supplemental income, though.

You would need proof.....the court order or divorce decree and copies of checks is what I would use.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-17 10:46:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHaving a flood of emotions
Well, since I am further along in the process, I am going to give you the "before and after" insight. My husband was also the head of his household, as he is the oldest son. Two of his older sisters died and one moved to the US a few years before him. This left him shouldering more the the burden then he wanted to. My husband is young enough and childless and did not necessarily enjoy his upbringing nor having to basically take care of 8 children that aren't his biologically.

While his family went through the same feelings you mentioned....elation and then deflation.....my husband was excited about a new life, something so different then he had ever known.

He has adjusted well, enjoying almost everything. His family has not adjusted so well. That is a constant struggle to help them when we are able and to rebuff them when we are not. One thing I have noticed, when they must, they do come up with other means of support.

If you think the emotions are all over the place now, just you wait. I laugh when I hear people say, it's almost over cause he has his interview date. Today, you are frustrated and lonely and you think once he get's approved, it will all be better. The nervousness and elation at the interview, turns into celebration and happiness. It is fleeting. Soon, yes, you will have him with you; but that is a blessing and a curse some days. Adjustment is difficult....he's bored, he's scared, he's impatient, whatever. I spent so much time and energy trying to make sure he wasn't bored and was happy, that I lost myself. I worked myself to death to pay bills. I was tired and angry and scared for the future. I would come home some days from working 16 hours to hear him tell me he was bored!

Not to say that it wasn't all worth it. In our case, it has worked itself out just by taking things day by day and talking it all out. I don't care what anyone says, I think it is a much harder adjustment to newlywed life then most people experience. You will find out you are stronger then anyone ever gave you credit for. I feel it is worth every second of all of it. Anyone who tells you this man is not worth it, just doesn't get it.

I just wrote this to tell you to learn how to deal with your emotions the best that you can. It will be an ongoing thing for a very long time. We have all been where you are or are where you are now. And we do understand.

I have survived the journey thus far. You will too. Just hang in there.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-18 11:04:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband and family think I am RICH! Hellllpppp
QUOTE (Leedah @ Jan 28 2008, 07:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone for the posts.

I posted and sat back so that I could get a good mix of different idea's and situations.

Ultimately, me and my husband had a looooooong talk and I pretty much explained that I was fed up with the money issue. Well, he listened to what I had to say and I listened to him. In the end, he got the picture that I wasn't made of money and we decided to stop even talking about money until he's here. I know that he will NEVER get it that Americans are not made out of money until he can see for himself, though I'm sure that I've impressed upon him that I don't have any left over to just send off. He has finally spoken out and explained that the distance is not just affecting me, it's affecting him also (though he is more reserved than me). He explained that in his culture, when a spouse (male or female) get's a chance to travel and work, they naturally send money to help until that spouse can come. I informed him that if I had it, I would (out of love, not some cultural obligation), but since I don't ...then I don't. It appears that his attitude has gotten in check and he's slowed his roll. It also helped that I had one of my friends here (also from Gambia) talk to him. Now he apologizes for "stressing me".

Hmmm... lol


Your post made me contemplate how many other people out there are having these doubts and issues about "naturaly send(ing) money to help until that spouse can come" and have no one to talk to about it.

We are not the first to have these issues, we will not be the last. The key is to deal with it however it is best for you as a couple to deal with it.

In the end, you have to live with those decisions.

I can tell you those same people who are begging us for money, are going out more then we are, have less stress then we do, are not working themselves to death with 2 or more jobs a piece, most not working at all, and are nowhere to be found when we need money ourselves.

Talk it out and you will be fine.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-28 21:01:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband and family think I am RICH! Hellllpppp
The thing with the money requests when they get here......Andre's family and friends called and made the stories sound so desperate and urgent, he felt he had to send them some money or they wouldn't have food, go to school, get the medicine they needed.... It was easy for him to deflect the friends that wanted money for a car, a plane ticket, concert tickets, a grill (I KID YOU NOT!)....But, those that "sounded" urgent, he had a hard time resisting.

Although I doubted many of them, it took him a long time to figure out they were playing him. A lie caught here, words spoken and then repeated back to him there, money not used for what they said, too many calls too often......well, let's just say he doesn't send very often anymore. And, he's stopped answering calls from most of them, sometimes all of them.

It's a learning process.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-28 20:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband and family think I am RICH! Hellllpppp
QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jan 19 2008, 10:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Salutations,

I can't tell you about your situation and I can not tell you what to do. I can however talk about me and my situation. First of all, I had to explain my finances to my husband i.e. (how much my rent is, how much my bills are), every thing you pay for monthly is a bill; how much my household needs are (i.e. laundry cost, gas, kids needs and recreational costs). Then I explained to him how much I bring in on a monthly basis. I also had to inform him that you were taking care of yourself before I came into your life, continue to do so now, the only difference is you are making plans to include me in your life as your wife once you make it to the states. I also told him I thought I married a man, not a boy (I had to tell him that because when I questioned him about important decision making matters, he would inform me that "I am a man, not a child"), so that being said, be a man! Now don't get me wrong, I do send him care a package every 2-3 months, (and I inform him anything that can't fit into the box, does not get sent)! So he makes sure he has his list in order. As far as his family and friends are concerned, they can beg until the cows come home, before I married him I had obligations and responsibilities. Those obligations and responsibilies did not go away since we got married and my immediate concerns are my household, not his family. He is my secondary priority, not his family. And besides, what would they do if I were not in the picture. So that is UNOz little monologue, I hope this helps.
Next speaker whistling.gif

p.s. excuse me, I almost forgot...you stated women go to his country for the ding ding, get real, a woman can get a wet azz here in the states for free let alone paying for a trans atlantic trip to the unknown to take a chance on the unknown. okay, I'm done.
Next innocent.gif



Thank you so much for these words. I've been saying the same things over and over and over again to people who knock me for standing up for myself as well.

I might just copy some of your words the next time it comes up.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-28 19:57:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband and family think I am RICH! Hellllpppp
QUOTE (Leedah @ Jan 19 2008, 04:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am in need of some advice. And it is a doozy.

My hubby is from Gambia and naturally thinks that I am rich. I have been able to travel their several times off of Buddy Passes given to me. Only pay $300-400 (taxes) for a roundtrip trip ticket. Couldn't afford to go otherwise.

Basically, I am not rich and live almost check to check when I don't watch it.

So, my so seems to get upset and thinks I don't love him because I can't send money. He truly believes that I am playing games and hoarding money when he is barely eating. Mind you the U.S. dollar gets about $21 of theirs, so whenever I would come, naturally I have a little extra just because of the exchange rate. Heck even going with $500 will net you a pretty sack of change in the exchange department.

Anyway, his "buddies" are filling his head with insane idea's that I must have married him to get "some". Many women actually come their to get a man to have relations with. I told him that I wasn't rich at all and and doing my level best to even get him here. (barely making ends meet for myself). Then I told him to look at my picture we took together again and think if I REALLY NEEDED to go to another country for a guy. He QUICKLY shut up and said yeah well.... (mumbling incoherent jargon). (hahaha. Need I say more.)

I am at a lost and sad from this whole situation. It doesn't help that I can call him (cheap phone cards) and he associates that (my ability to call regularly) with having loads of money. (even says "if you can call 3 times a day everyday, you must be rich.)


I am almost ready to stop the petition and wait until his head is on straight. lol
Any idea's?


I don't want to come off as mean; but every time I've seen and heard this kind of thing.....and I mean in nearly the EXACT same wording, it has been bad news. He does not understand US finances in any way, shape, or form, and may never. His family and friends will continue these games even after he leaves. It has been a horribly slow process to get my husband to get it. Luckily, my husband wanted to get it. I've read stories of many who do not every attempt to understand. They try to extort money from you now with stories and later, it continues.

I strongly caution you to talk this out with your husband until it meets your satisfaction.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-01-21 15:21:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanReal Talk
QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Feb 5 2008, 02:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jomo @ Feb 5 2008, 02:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (unononehigher @ Feb 4 2008, 06:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.
*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!" happy.gif kicking.gif



I keep saying that too.....the midwest is much more tolerant of a lot of things I see as issues elsewhere. And some call us backward!!!!!

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Feb 4 2008, 07:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (unononehigher @ Feb 4 2008, 07:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.
*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!" happy.gif kicking.gif


Awwww man! Ya'll are not even helping. My sweetie has his heart set on moving closer to family. His family is in Missouri (somewhere else I didn't know black people lived but I've since learned of St. Louis). So, it's either Georgia or Missouri. I figure if I have to start over I want to feel some benefit out of it. I've convinced him to give NY a go first but I think he's thinking 1 year tops. Horrible man. He's planning to impregnate me asap. I think that's why he wants me near my mama! jest.gif wub.gif

I guess this should be on the other post, some other post, but anyway. Do ya'll have plans for kids? My poor Bassi is hung up on me having his babies. Key is the plural, not the singular. I very much want to have babies but I'm such a worry wart and a planner that I feel like we have to have a 5 year plan. But I'm 33 so five years is pushing it. Do you guys have plans? Or have talked about it?


I've lived in St. Louis all my life. Never want to go elsewhere. Andre is doing well here.

Andre's sister lives in Brooklyn, NY. She's have a bit of a rough time.


I live in Upstate NY. Except for the snow, it's really a nice place to live. Close enough to NYC and Boston for a day trip. Close to Canada. Real Estate is very reasonable and available. Taxes are too high. Very multicultural community. Bassi and I are going to visit St. Louis, cause before I knew his family there, I didn't even know black people lived there. Maybe we'll be your new neighbors. smile.gif What's the basis for employment there?


If you didn't know black people lived here then you obviously have never visited St. Louis. And Blacks of lots of nationalities. I personally know of some from Ghana, N. Africa, Jamaica, Trinidad & Tobago, England, Canada.....We also feature such diversity as Latinos, Bosnians, Vietnamese, Chinese, Polish, Germans, Italians, Arabs.....I'm sure I am forgetting more I know. Different parts of the city contain areas specific to these nationalities with corresponding restaurants, Churches, grocery stores, etc. I am forever trying to guess which language I am hearing. And, amazingly, you never hear of warring areas or anything of that sort. It's a nice mixture of different cultures.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-06 09:18:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanReal Talk
QUOTE (Nana_Afia_B @ Feb 5 2008, 05:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I live here in St. Louis w/ my Ghanaian husband. St. Louis, in general is a pretty good place to raise a family. More or less peaceful (in the majority of areas) and family friendly. Lots of free family activities to do (Zoo, Museums, etc...) There are certain parts of the city that are pretty multicultural (i.e the University City Loop and areas around the University's like SLU and WashU). I met my husband in U City! There is also a large international community in South City and in the areas mentioned above.


There are a few international markets that we frequent and every year there is a Festival of Nations with activities/exhibitions/foods from all different cultural groups.

As far as job prospects go...things are pretty slow depending on what you're looking for. I currently work in Finance and there are plenty of those types of jobs available. HOwever, if you're trying to get into something else (like I am) pickings are a bit slimmer.



Which international markets are you talking about?

We go to Jays International and Global foods for our canned Jamaican foods and saltfish. Otherwise, we hit Soulard Market for everything else......veggies, fruits, goat and oxtail. Andre gets all his curry and spices from the spice shop in the Market. VERY good prices.

The city is incredibly multi-cultural. You just need to look around more.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-06 09:10:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanReal Talk
QUOTE (unononehigher @ Feb 4 2008, 06:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.
*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!" happy.gif kicking.gif



I keep saying that too.....the midwest is much more tolerant of a lot of things I see as issues elsewhere. And some call us backward!!!!!

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Feb 4 2008, 07:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (unononehigher @ Feb 4 2008, 07:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.
*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!" happy.gif kicking.gif


Awwww man! Ya'll are not even helping. My sweetie has his heart set on moving closer to family. His family is in Missouri (somewhere else I didn't know black people lived but I've since learned of St. Louis). So, it's either Georgia or Missouri. I figure if I have to start over I want to feel some benefit out of it. I've convinced him to give NY a go first but I think he's thinking 1 year tops. Horrible man. He's planning to impregnate me asap. I think that's why he wants me near my mama! jest.gif wub.gif

I guess this should be on the other post, some other post, but anyway. Do ya'll have plans for kids? My poor Bassi is hung up on me having his babies. Key is the plural, not the singular. I very much want to have babies but I'm such a worry wart and a planner that I feel like we have to have a 5 year plan. But I'm 33 so five years is pushing it. Do you guys have plans? Or have talked about it?


I've lived in St. Louis all my life. Never want to go elsewhere. Andre is doing well here.

Andre's sister lives in Brooklyn, NY. She's have a bit of a rough time.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-05 14:41:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanGoodbye
QUOTE (Omoba @ Nov 29 2007, 05:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your response is overkill. You may feel the need to project your own heartache here but at this time Heather and her husband are
working things through and encouragement for their adjustment period would be more appropriate than your transference and projection.

The Nigerian bashing is getting old. How many times must it be said that NOT ALL Nigerians are scammers and a majority are wonderful people ?



I agree with you to a point here. I think this person definately spoke out of line. However, the fact that the initial poster's husband seems to be controlling her by spying on her, getting angry with her, and then making her life hell after for it is definately a point of concern.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-11-29 19:09:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanhow many getting Just a little Excited
QUOTE (chispas @ Feb 14 2008, 10:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (ZeeNusah @ Feb 14 2008, 03:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (chispas @ Feb 14 2008, 06:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Bask in every minute of this excitement and make sure you do lots of KEGEL excercises while you are waiting. devil.gif


You crack me up laughing.gif


Yea,,, but they work right? Tell the truth whistling.gif good.gif



That is no lie!

QUOTE (one love @ Feb 14 2008, 05:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
innocent.gif heart.gif Well For me I am still taking it one day at a time as much as I can >>> LOL But at times I get excited then I go Anything can Happen.. But what ever happens we going to be together.. And I am leaving it in Gods hands... Because of age diffrence they may look at it diffrent.. But As a couple we never talk or concerted age a factor.. Because once you in love YOU IN LOVE and what does age to do with your heart.. .. All I can do now is keep praying... I may be older than my husband But as all of you know Nigerian Men are so mature and smart intellgent than most men in USA.. I would put my husband up against any USa man in there 40-50 any day He would win hands down on how to treat lady and excepte responsabilty he has chosen to do.. Anyway just a little food for thought Ladies.. I wish everyone a long love life with there NEW found Man



I wish you luck.

One day, you'll look back on all this and think what was all the fuss about.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-15 11:17:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanInternet Love
QUOTE (Boaz @ Feb 18 2008, 10:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Omoba @ Feb 18 2008, 11:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Touche !


Hmmm ..... now you know how so many others feel. They are too afraid to speak up and express themselves. Instead they result to PM's, which eventually leads to hour long phone conversation, which often leaves my heart feeling so full because people won't speak up and share what's really going on. For me it's not about bashing anyone from a particular country. Honestly - my heart is aching as I type this response. You would not believe how so many have been scammed on so many levels. And almost repeatedly I say "you need to share this with others on VJ". Although it's not my situation, I know that it does help so many others. As a matter of fact, I have a relative in a very similiar situation (I believe I posted her story a while back). It was by reading a post from Idocare (over a year ago) that I was able to help her. I am not talking deportation. Instead it helped her to know that she was not alone. Anyway - no one is trying to scare anyone out of marrying someone from another country (at least that's not my intentions). But to constantly bully, and belittle others for expressing themselves is so rude.



Thank you for posting this, Boaz. Not to point fingers in this thread at all----but I do feel as you said above on many topics in many different regional forums. I've just never stated my objections as eloquently as you have above.

I agree with every word you said above.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-18 11:39:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanInternet Love
QUOTE (Awa_Mugu @ Feb 14 2008, 02:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ms Idocare, I know you going thru some thing, but get the terminology right. Mugu = big fool.

Off to see the wizard, anyone want some mojo done? To get these men to stay with us. Fill a jelly jar (welch's perferably) with rubbing alcohol, place his picture face down on the jar, place underneath the head of the bed. Let it stay there now, even when he get here. He'll never leave. In order to find out why, ask the question. I'll tell you.

The question has to be, Ms. Awa_Mugu why he won't leave? And I'll tell you.


The question I want to ask is Are you sure it's Rubbing Alcohol? Sounds like you're hitting a bit of the real stuff right now. Crazy talk!


QUOTE (Boaz @ Feb 14 2008, 10:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Idocare,

I did not meet my husband on the internet. And I know that you said not to reply if this message does not apply, but oh well ..... I'm replying anyway.

For a period of time I would read your comments, and silently sit back and observe the actions of my husband. Often times I was guilty of over analyzing, or not keeping in mind that this is Idocare's story, not Boaz's. Then ... a few times I started to bottle up with frustration, wondering why in the world you won't let this matter go. At one point I replied to one of your posts by politely acknowledging your pain, and encouraged you to turn the matter over to God, and stop wasting energy on mess.

In the mist of all of this, I've had the privilege of getting to know a few people here on VJ. We regularly email and have lengthy/detailed conversations via telephone. Over the course of communicating with some of my VJ friends, I've learned some horror stories as it applies to this whole immigration matter (irregardless to the country of origin, age of the sponser, educational level, etc.,etc.). Many times I say - 'why don't you post this on VJ, people need to know this?'. Most of the time the response is simply 'no'. As a matter of fact, your story often comes into the conversation.

So in spite of the fact that you've asked that we not reply if this post does not apply to us, I am writing to say 'thank you'. Thank you for your boldness, and unwavering efforts. While your situation is not mine, it is very similar to several memebers of VJ who would rather not publically address the matter. Your situation is not mine, but it does illuminate what takes place behind closed doors of many members of the VJ family. Hopefully, in the long run it will open the eyes to others who may be in similar situations before any damge is done, or feelings are hurt.

Again - thank you for refusing to be silent.

Boaz

P.S. Remember that the battle is not yours, it's the Lord's.



I say this all the time. So tired of watered down VJ. I've always chosen to tell the truth even if I take a lot of flak from others. We can all learn from each other.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-14 15:37:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanInternet Love
I'm so sorry it happened to you.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-14 11:22:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWhat would u do ?
I would just divorce him and send him on his way. I would not fight to have him deported. My husband works very hard to ensure we are safe, happy, and financially stable. The life he leads now is completely different then the one he led before and he has stated many times that he doesn't want to go back. I would not devalue how far he's come and how hard he's worked just because my heart would be broken.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-02-18 08:44:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanNow I'm Worried
Not Lagos....We went through Jamaica. Andre and I ONLY communicated through phone calls and the greeting cards I made and tried to mail him one a day. He took a whole box of those cards to the embassy. They were so overwhelmed, they didn't even look at them.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-03-18 13:18:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband has been here almost 2 weeks
I so love to hear stories like this. My husband has been here nearly 2 years and I've still got that newness feeling. There are still things that awe him and I stare at him and remind myself how lucky I am.

Enjoy it all!!!!!
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-03-25 19:15:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanChikezie American Idol
I don't think he's going to win; but it is nice to see him in the top 10. Now he can tour and get a record contract....both of which I think he deserves.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-03-20 08:50:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanNew to the K1 process
Good luck on your journey.

Look at the guides, start a timeline for us to help you, and ask specific questions when they come up. Never feel any question is too small or too stupid. We are here to help.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-03-29 22:59:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanfinding spouses family
I wish my husband didn't want me to speak to his family. Kidding. Sort of.

My thoughts are that he is either trying to protect you from them or hide something else from you. I wish you luck in solving this.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-04-14 11:41:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanAlready have a wife.......
I am so sorry. Please make sure to be safe in whatever you end up doing next. Take care of you.

BTW.....if he LEGALLY has another wife, he committed visa fraud with you. If this is the case, you do have legal recourse!
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-03-31 08:53:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband is doing very well
That's so nice.

I wish you all the best.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-04-13 16:15:00
ChinaNotarial Birth Certificate ?
QUOTE (Kyle M. @ Dec 17 2009, 03:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Good man....very wise decision! How is your wife adjusting to Missouri life?


Our apartment is in KC, and my wife has visited the States three different times, visiting each time for about a month. Currently, we're still in China, but gearing up to move to the States (March 2010). She likes Missouri a lot, but prefers city life rather than rural. I'm not surprised as she comes from a city of 8 million. She likes KC barbecue and I've gotten her into baseball - she's also a Cards fan. Last time we were in the States during the summer, we saw an I-70 series game. Jingjing and I were the only Cards fans in the whole section.

My wife is looking forward to moving. She's planning on going to school; she has high aspirations - she wants to become a RN. She already has nursing experience in China, but unfortunately, it won't transfer. Obviously, we're sad to leave her family and many friends behind, but because of the Internet - the world is a much smaller place. Jingjing's English is exceptional and she's already made several friends during her previous three visits. I think her biggest concern is finding native Chinese food, which in KCMO is harder to come by than larger cities. We don't really have a China town, per se, it's more like a China building. All-in-all, I think we'll be fine.

Well, I make a mean hotpot, so I will give you an open invitation to come to St. Louis sometime (once Yi is here) and we can watch a game together, have hotpot, and let the girls talk shop. Welcome anytime! star_smile.gif

garfield529MaleChina2009-12-23 00:06:00
ChinaNotarial Birth Certificate ?
QUOTE (Kyle M. @ Dec 16 2009, 02:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Go Cards! I grew up on the east side - Sullivan, MO. Now my wife and I live in KC, however, I've never converted my allegiance to the Royals.


Good man....very wise decision! How is your wife adjusting to Missouri life?
garfield529MaleChina2009-12-17 00:55:00
ChinaNotarial Birth Certificate ?
QUOTE (endoftheroad @ Dec 9 2009, 07:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Kyle M. @ Dec 9 2009, 05:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You're looking

Your wife is very beautiful and you are a lucky man. I am not a lech, just an observer.


Hahahaha....and that is why I will never post personal pics.... devil.gif

BTW....Kyle, where in Missouri do you live? I am in St. Louis. good.gif
garfield529MaleChina2009-12-15 00:40:00
ChinaObtaining a Chinese Tourist Visa without confirmed travel dates/flight tickets

The OP is asking if a flight booking is required to obtain a visa.  Your response is ambiguous on that point.  So I've added three letters so that you can clarify

 

Which of the following is the requirement?

 

(A and B)  or  C  ==>  no flight booking required if C is provided with visa application

 

or

 

A and (B or C) ==>  flight booking is always required

 

 

I am not sure how my post is ambiguous?  Rather is is specific and exact as the information comes directly from the Chinese consulate.  I think the addition of  a logic pseudo-notation is what adds a layer of ambiguity. rofl.gifrofl.gif   Anyway, I think he has the knowledege to proceed. ph34r.png


garfield529MaleChina2013-11-26 11:21:00
ChinaObtaining a Chinese Tourist Visa without confirmed travel dates/flight tickets

Just a word of advice, if things do work out with receiving a K1 in December.  You will need to be married, apply for AOS and receive AP before heading back to China for the CNY or you will find your new wife stuck in China.  Just making sure that you are aware of this.  Best of luck.  

 

You can get a visa, you will just need to do the following based on the new rules:

 

for L Visa

 

Provide documents showing the itinerary including air ticket booking record (round trip) and proof of a hotel reservation, etc. or an invitation letter issued by a relevant entity or individual in China. The invitation letter should contain:

 

(1) Information on the applicant (full name, gender, date of birth, etc.)

 

(2) Information on the planned visit (arrival and departure dates, place(s) to be visited, etc.)

(3) Information on the inviting entity or individual (name, contact telephone number, address, official stamp, signature of the legal representative or the inviting individual)  


garfield529MaleChina2013-11-16 23:13:00
Asia: East and PacificFeel helpless being so far away?
QUOTE (ScottThuy @ Dec 26 2009, 08:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks Roger.. shes actually only stressed about the needles at the medical...lol..
I am the one that worries all the time.. she tries to avoid trouble but it finds her too often and she lives in a rough area of the city. her job technically ends next week, but they asked her if she would stay on for an extra month to answer phones... I am thinking that it would be safer and more relaxing to just go and chill at her moms until the interview... it would also give them time together before she moves here...


I understand your concerns...there have been times that I have been on Skype with Yi and heard fights outside her apartment door. The door would take nothing more than a swift kick to break open. She works evenings with her job sometimes and has a 2 kilometer walk home...and I worry until she gets home. Of course, she has been independent her whole life and as Americans we are very wary of people and the potential harm they can cause. Just because she is in the US won't mean the she is "safe" from any possible problems, but I know that you will feel that you can control the situation better. I hope that you are able to relax your fears and get through the next several weeks and then get her the hell out of there. Good luck, man. good.gif
garfield529MaleChina2009-12-26 21:53:00
Asia: East and PacificHelp me, help her....help me, help her..
Hey Guys,
My fiancee is from China...so this post is for a follow coworker who needs help, she is from Vietnam. She is here on a student visa and has been dating her boyfriend (recently turned fiance) who is a chinese-born naturalized USC. I want to give her advice, but I prefer to defer to my knowledgeable VJ friends. At first she was planning to get married in Vietnam when she goes back to renew her student visa, but I think she could lose status doing this as it could signal intent to immigrate. My thinking is that she needs to get married here and start AOS stateside before she considers returning home for any type of ceremony for her parents. What are your thoughts? Options? Thanks! :thumbs:
garfield529MaleChina2010-01-04 19:00:00
Asia: East and PacificPOE question
No, you don't need to fly with her and even if you flew to POE, you would not be able to be with her when she's getting through immigration. (I'm trying to remember how LAX is set up and how far non-passengers can come in.)How strong is her English? It might be worth practicing some interview questions and answers with her to alleviate nerves. (The immigration people always make me nervous, even when I have nothing to be nervous about. I keep thinking they'll deport me just for the fun of it.) She has her K1 now so she should not have too much trouble getting through. I guess it might be useful to let her know that if there is any harrassment at all to keep calm, remember the person giving her the trouble, and just try to get through the process as quickly as possible.

Oh, and congratulations on your upcoming reunion!
stardustedFemaleThailand2008-06-05 22:22:00
Asia: East and PacificBiggest adjustment for Thais coming to U.S.
I was born and raised in Thailand, lived here most of my life, and the food was definitely the biggest thing I missed when living in America. But once we found a few good Thai restaurants and a couple of Asian supermarkets, I felt a million times better. It was also important for me to be around other Thai people sometimes. We went to the local Songkran festival, which was really comforting, and the ladies at Thai restaurants were always more than happy to chat with me.

What I found hard to adjust to was how matter-of-fact Americans are. As a Thai you're raised to be very polite, very soft-spoken, and to always worry about what you say so it does not offend anyone. So I found it hard at first to speak my mind. There's also the whole "kreng jai" factor, which made me hesitate to really ask for help, in case I burdened anyone with problems. So culturally I had a lot of adjusting to do.

And spoons! No one offers spoons in America! Used to make me crazy. smile.gif
stardustedFemaleThailand2008-06-20 00:43:00