ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaME/NA Discrimination
Discrimination of any kind sickens me.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-05-16 19:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaSo does it really suck when they get here or what?
QUOTE (wahrania @ Jun 3 2008, 03:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (bridget @ Jun 3 2008, 03:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Luv Sucks @ Jun 3 2008, 03:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've asked to go to counselling but he's not interested. At this point I don't blame him for not wanting to talk or try to work it out. I didn't treat him really well since he got here. sad.gif
OH! One more piece of advise..... LEAVE RAPLEAF ALONE!!!!! And other such things.... Don't let suspicion drive you crazy and make you nuts.



Well sometimes it's easy to forget that we go through a transition as well. It seems all the focus is on how hard it is for them.

Don't get me wrong, the language is hard even though they might be pretty fluent. For example, when he got his Blue Cross card I asked him to call and tell them who he wanted for a primary care physician. Well he called me back saying "they want my number".....so I said yes that is the number on the card, etc. When I got home I looked at it and the reason he was confused is that it starts out with three letters, not numbers.

Simple stuff like that can be confusing but for us, the transition is that now you have someone here sharing your house, sharing the responsiblities and the delicate task of showing them how things work here without coming off as being bossy or condescending.

It's a shame he wont do counseling or talk to an imam.

I can completely relate to all of this. My husband has been here a week and we applied for his social security card and they told us it can take 6 weeks .He cannot get a state ID without the number, a job without the number etc and I can see now that its going to be a long haul. I did manage to enroll him in a twice a week English class and he went today.

I have a little bit of an odd situation because I am pregnant, sick with a difficult pregnancy and I am trying to get my older son out of his 7th grade year, cater to my pre schooler and then make sure my husband is ok with not being too bored. I know he is very homesick already and not being able to work yet is causing boredom to set in. I have to go to my office ( I am in sales) to at least show my face and show I am not on permanent holiday with my husband.

So I feel like I am getting my husband off to summer camp as well as my teen and somehow I need to generate business and get customers, somehow keep everyone entertained.. I dont know how I am going to pull all of this off.

I do definitely think the transitional period is critical. I am trying to enroll him in as many English classes as possible. Right now we are at 2 days a week. He was hesitant to go today but once he got there he liked it.

I feel like I have an exchange student. I am NOT mothering. I am too tired to mother. I feel like I live in a zoo anyway though


First year can be very difficult. Hang in there. It does get better.


QUOTE (Gaby&Talbert @ Jun 3 2008, 03:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jomo @ Jun 3 2008, 03:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Gaby&Talbert @ Jun 3 2008, 03:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would like to appologize to this group for being offended by the title and bashing American women. My ex was pure evil and still is but that is not the fault of all American women. I have been blessed by a wonderful wife now and I appreciate and love her more than she will ever know.

My ex continues to be a monster and hopefully some day she will get what she deserves.



Bad people rarely get what they deserve.


But I can always hope can't I?



Hee hee........of course.

QUOTE (bridget @ Jun 3 2008, 03:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wahrania are you near public transportation? The first thing I did was to get him a monthly T pass, which is a pass that allows him unlimited trips on the bus and the subway. That has been a Godsend for us. The first week I took him into Boston and showed him where the most popular mosques are and he quickly learned how to navigate the bus/subway (it's not too hard to do here) and goes in and out of the city as much as he wants exploring different places etc. Also he's been going to the career center twice/week which has allowed him to get his resume spruced up, practice interviewing and even training on how to use various Office software. Aside from the first week here I really didn't need to entertain him at all. He's pretty self sufficient now but again, my house is about a 2 minute walk from the bus and we only live 20 minutes outside of Boston.



Same thing for us. I got him route maps, showed him where to get on and off at and sent him on his way. It made a big difference to be able to explore all on this own. Plus, it took some pressures off me.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-06-03 15:31:00
Middle East and North AfricaSo does it really suck when they get here or what?
QUOTE (Gaby&Talbert @ Jun 3 2008, 03:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would like to appologize to this group for being offended by the title and bashing American women. My ex was pure evil and still is but that is not the fault of all American women. I have been blessed by a wonderful wife now and I appreciate and love her more than she will ever know.

My ex continues to be a monster and hopefully some day she will get what she deserves.



Bad people rarely get what they deserve.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-06-03 15:18:00
Middle East and North AfricaSo does it really suck when they get here or what?
So sorry.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-06-03 14:18:00
Middle East and North AfricaSo does it really suck when they get here or what?
QUOTE (?JP? @ Apr 7 2008, 06:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It can be bittersweet. Its great to finally have them here but it doesn't exactly play out the way you see it in the movies. Think of him like a fish out of water. He is getting adjusted to many new things all the while dealing with being homesick. He is going to ask a ton of questions and hopefully you will have the patience to deal with that.

He will want to spend alot of time on the phone talking to family and friends and if he can't find work or isn't allowed to work he is going to get all mopey. Dig deep down and find every single ounce of patience you have because you will need it. star_smile.gif Good luck Bridget! Let me know if you need anything!



This was one of the most perfectly stated posts I have read in a long, long time. Everyone should have to read something like this when their SO's are approved, yet before arrival.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-04-08 07:22:00
Middle East and North AfricaThis is crazy
I feel your pain. We waited 5 months for the AOS to come through and another 2 to find a decent job.

Hang in there. It will soon come.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-04 16:34:00
Middle East and North AfricaCo mingling finances.. loans etc
This subject is to each his own. Whatever works for one couple may not work for another.

My husband and I mixed all together from the very beginning. It has worked out well for us. In the process, I am teaching him about bills, budgeting, and saving. He's not completely there yet; but he's working on it.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-08 14:35:00
Middle East and North AfricaMy Husband's Father was Deported Yesterday
I'm so sorry. I hope you find the answers to all your questions on this one.

I am sending hugs to your FIL.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-10 13:28:00
Middle East and North AfricaMy Husband's Father was Deported Yesterday
OMG....so what happened?
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-10 12:48:00
Middle East and North AfricaShould hubby include particular pic with others for interview?
Interesting question. I have a Jamaican flag and my husband's name on my lower back. I never even thought about whether he should take a picture of it to the embassy or not.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-03-25 14:02:00
Middle East and North Africahave u ever heared of this
A few in Jamaica have been asked for their copy at interview. It's a hit or miss kind of thing.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-21 08:56:00
Middle East and North Africaoh no:(
Skype only works if they have internet access. That is not always the feasible. Wish it had been in our case.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-21 09:41:00
Middle East and North Africaoh no:(
Been there done that. It sucks. I finally got 3Utelecom.

So glad to not have it anymore.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-21 09:33:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhy do VJ MENA members fight so much with each other?
Scared and frustrated and the MENA people are pretty much the only people who understand MENA issues. We do the same thing in the Jamaica forums from time to time.

Like someone said, in a nutshell, family's fight. Sometimes, it's over really stupid stuff.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-17 13:10:00
Middle East and North AfricaNeed prayers plz
QUOTE (belinda63 @ Jul 1 2008, 04:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I received a letter today through my congressman's office, they have been very helpful, much more so than the senator.
Of course I verified everything with DOS, I had to ask for a supervisor and had about a 20 minute chat with her.

In February they assigned my SO a new case number because the old one had expired (first time I have heard of this) and just never bothered to inform us. So for the past four months all my phone calls have been wasted because they have been checking the old case.

Long and short, barring a hit in the next three weeks, and after he has another medical, interview, and resubmits all the paperwork again


All of his security checks are complete.




He may get his visa.

Plz put the prayers out there.




That sounds like good news. I wish you the best.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-03 08:10:00
Middle East and North AfricaEgypt's child protection law sparks controversy
The thought of that just makes me cringe.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-24 08:01:00
Middle East and North Africabring on the dancing men
Wonderful news. Congrats.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-22 09:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaMale Circumcision
I had my son's done in the hospital shortly after birth.

I used to work in a OB/GYN office . One day, we did one. It was the most horribly painful cry I have ever heard. I would not subject someone I love to that, no matter what the reason, at an age when they will remember the pain and trauma.

My husband was talking about having it done last year. I said NOW? Are you crazy? He hasn't brought it up again since. I'm not bringing it up.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-16 15:41:00
Middle East and North Africahanging in there are you ok??
I hope she's okay.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-25 23:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaMoroccan Divorce
QUOTE (Rajaa_Reda @ Jul 29 2008, 08:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
yeah it kind of puts me on edge here..... I have to wonder what his motivations are at this point. Good luck



I agree.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-29 08:46:00
Middle East and North Africame thinks there are posers in MENA
I think there are people on lots of web sites posing so they can get some sick pleasure out of secretly mocking us in LDR's.

I don't get the point one bit. But, I do agree with you.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-22 20:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA Men and Money
QUOTE (Nagishkaw @ Jul 29 2008, 10:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A word of advice, if I may. A lady should always tuck some money aside without anyone knowing about it. You never know what can and will happen, and that money might just save your butt one day.



I could not agree more with this.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-29 10:22:00
Middle East and North AfricaMaking a list, checking it twice
I was way too busy to be that jittery.

You have a hobby?

Most talk about cleaning the house over and over and over again.

Congrats.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-31 14:44:00
Middle East and North AfricaI'm just a little upset right now
QUOTE (babyeshell @ Aug 1 2008, 09:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So I told Tarik to book his ticket for August 7th (a Thursday) so that he could be here on Friday so we could get our marriage license and get married at the mosque. The hurry is mostly religious. All my Muslimas in the house know what I'm talking about.

Last night, on expedia.com I found a flight from Casablanca to Paris to Newark to Columbus. 16 hours all together and he would arrive here in Columbus at 6:30pm (PERFECT) plus a one way flight was only $1,328.90. I begged him to let us get that trip because there were no better deals online at all. He said he was going to go to the agency and book a cheaper and better ticket. Well he booked a ticket for Friday and it was closer to $2,000 sad.gif but ALHAMDULILLAH! Everything will be ok. I need to breathe. All of my frustrations in life are coming to a head right now with the excitement I feel for seeing Tarik again and it sucks that I am crying everyday because of other things and not jumping for joy because of Tarik.

GRRRR!!!!!! I wish I could be free to enjoy my happiness but people keep ruining it. Now I am at work and my face is splotchy and red because I've been crying. Now I need to find some makeup.

WOOOOSSSAAAHHHHHH



Someone always thinks they know better then you do. Sorry it was a costly lesson this time.

It's just all the time waiting, the paperwork, the fears.......coming out. Ignore any fools who try and bring you down. Hang in there.

Congrats.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-08-01 11:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaHabibi Has Arrived!
QUOTE (baxxy @ Jul 31 2008, 01:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (polarbear @ Jul 31 2008, 02:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (baxxy @ Jul 31 2008, 02:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (AlHayatZween @ Jul 31 2008, 02:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (baxxy @ Jul 31 2008, 05:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know theres lots of other stuff to do but I would have imagined this would be up there at least on the top 10 list of things to do before he got here. Obviously its become a problem on here for quite a few women.


To be fair, finding work is a problem for a lot of people USC's included these days... one of my contracts ran out in the spring, and it took me 2 months to find work! and i'm an American, speak the language, good resume, several years in my field...etc... it's really tough out there these days!


oh yes, and i agree two weeks is nothin'... luckily in Habibi's travels today he met another Moroccan man who told him to be patient, something will come along. i'm so grateful he heard it from someone else! and i'm so grateful he's actually meeting some nice people... that's something, no?


Yes I know the job market is a little tough now, thats why getting a jump start on things is not a bad idea. Well i wish you luck with everything, and I really hope things work out for you, because its obviously very tough for you right now, it just P***es me off that hes treating you the way he is, not being there for the birth etc, he's in America now, and thats what real american men do, stand by their women. You deserve better.


unsure.gif I think you might have her confused with another member....


You're right, sorry about that I was thinking of another lady on here, my bad. headbonk.gif



Yeah, and that one you are thinking of did tick me off too. I agree with you there.

QUOTE (bridget @ Jul 31 2008, 01:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Regarding doing the resume before they get here..............I'm not sure how the rest of the world is but a resume wasn't something my husband was familiar with. Maybe he just lived under a rock...I dunno...but things were very different in terms of how he got his past jobs. I had tried to explain that he needed a resume but he really had no idea what I was talking about until he got here and tried to get a job.

For us, it was VERY helpful for him to go to our local career center. He ultimately didn't get his job from there BUT they had free seminars on how to write a resume, the importance of a resume and how to conduct yourself in an interview. Those things that he learned there are definitely what has made him understand the process here a LOT better.

Another thing he learned the hard way was not to mention wages/salary stuff until you get the job. For sure at the second interview you should ask how much they're paying but he got too into specifics of comission and how it all works here at one interview and apparently it po'd the woman he was interviewing with. It's confusing if you really think about it 'cause ... duh...the only reason you want the job is to make money, you know? Unless you're a trust fund baby and you're doing it for some sort of soul searching thing. lol. But that's just something you might want to enforce with your spouses just in case they didn't already know.



Yep. Resumes were not a Jamaican thing either.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-31 14:27:00
Middle East and North AfricaHabibi Has Arrived!
QUOTE (baxxy @ Jul 31 2008, 12:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jomo @ Jul 31 2008, 01:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (baxxy @ Jul 31 2008, 12:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Nutty @ Jul 31 2008, 01:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So at this point we are just working on his resume (which is a mega task).


Shouldn't the two of you have been working on his resume WAY before he landed here? Don't you think it should have been finished and out there before he even arrived?



Like there isn't anything else to do before he arrives. Cut some slack here.



I know theres lots of other stuff to do but I would have imagined this would be up there at least on the top 10 list of things to do before he got here. Obviously its become a problem on here for quite a few women.



You can't really send out resumes until he is here to take some calls and interview.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-31 13:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaHabibi Has Arrived!
QUOTE (baxxy @ Jul 31 2008, 12:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Nutty @ Jul 31 2008, 01:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So at this point we are just working on his resume (which is a mega task).


Shouldn't the two of you have been working on his resume WAY before he landed here? Don't you think it should have been finished and out there before he even arrived?



Like there isn't anything else to do before he arrives. Cut some slack here.

QUOTE (Nutty @ Jul 31 2008, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Two weeks!!! Talk about high expectations! It is going on 1 1/2 months for my hubby and no work. We set the two month mark for him to just start looking. Nothing before then. So at this point we are just working on his resume (which is a mega task). Even then, I tell hubby, "don't expect to get a job for the first couple of months."

Tell you hubby to cut himself some slack on the job search. The fact he's trying as hard as he is, is a good sign. But it takes time, even for us born and bred Americans. So don't get too frustrated

QUOTE (AlHayatZween @ Jul 31 2008, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It is, thanks! good.gif
We are settling in...
it's mostly being exhausted and him being very hopeless about finding work... We are doing Craig's List, Monster, the local newspapers, and he is going around door to door asking himself. So far no luck! sad.gif i keep telling him it has only been less than 2 weeks, and he knows that... but still he's really upset. i hope he finds something soon so we both can relax...

Thanks, everybody! rose.gif



We were K-1. It took us 5 months just to be approved to work. Then, another 2 to find the job. We survived.

Hang in there. You can do this.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-31 12:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaHabibi Has Arrived!
I really want to say that I think it is wonderful you are talking about these things in public. It's one of my biggest arguments on here is that some try to water it all down. This process is hard before and after someone gets a visa. When I came on here, in my forums, there was all this talk about how wonderful it was when their SO's got here. I brought up some points because we were having some issues and I felt so all alone.....like we were freaks cause no one else was saying they were facing any issues. Turns out, via PM, I got more responses then I bargained for. And, recently, I've seen more and more talking it through in public.

I think it is helpful to not only those going through issues currently; but those who follow us, to talk about these things. They are not always plesant; but they are helpful.

I applaud you for talking about this today. I hope it all works out for you. From someone who has been through 2 years of adjusting, it can be done. Just hang in there and work on it constantly.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-29 13:00:00
Middle East and North AfricaHabibi Has Arrived!
It's so stressful on both parties. Just hang in there. It takes a long time for you to acclimate. Just when you think you have, something comes up that knocks you for a whammy.

You can do this. Just be patient and communication often. Holding things in, is not good in this case. Just say what you are thinking as tactifully as you can.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-07-24 14:30:00
Middle East and North AfricaPurchasing a Ticket for Someone Else to Use - Any Problems?
When I made Jomo's, I just made it on the internet. One way too. No problems.

I do it all the time here at work. I make the reservations for someone else, use my boss' credit card, and have the receipt sent to my e-mail. Never any issues.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-08-06 08:31:00
Middle East and North AfricaStay away from the black henna!
I was wondering about the hair henna too.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-08-12 12:36:00
Middle East and North AfricaMy husband is nesting
QUOTE (Carolyn @ Aug 10 2008, 03:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Anyone ever seen a MENA man clean? good.gif

My husband is usually a bit of a slob--putting his dirty socks everywhere, leaving a big mess in the kitchen after cooking, etc. I know that his mom cleaned up after all 7 of her boys, and I am a bit guilty of doing it too, but I'm not all that fastidious.

Today, however, he is bent on ridding our house of dust in preparation for the baby: vacuuming everything, moving furniture and washing behind it, taking all the books out of the bookcase and cleaning them, washing all the baseboards, etc.

I've helped some, but he's doing stuff that I just don't have energy for...

If his mother could see him now!



Awwwwwww..........that is adorable that he is so excited. Enjoy it while you can. Men always go back to being men!
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-08-11 11:27:00
Middle East and North AfricaHow much times does your MENA man spend on the phone or computer???
How long have these guys been in the US?

And do they have jobs?

If not long and no, I can see it. It's a way to pass time.

If long time and yes, I would be a little ticked as well. My husband and I work so much, we cherish our downtime together, even if it is just to veg in front of the tv.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2008-08-11 12:37:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress ReportsATTENTION : MAY FILERS ... lets keep in touch!
QUOTE (kingstonjamaica @ Sep 13 2007, 03:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So we're almost at the end of onother week. Is it that CSC decided to only give approvals once per week and VSC decided they should take a break. I haven't seen any action from VSC for two weeks. huh.gif Will someone PLEASE take VSC off pause. After all i had heard about VSC, I'm really dissapionted.

Things got changed in July, thought May filers would have gotten approved in June. ( to think at one piont i wish i was filing there) wacko.gif Thought if everything ran smoothly this whole process would have been over in 6 months. i guess that only happen if you are lucky.

We all just have to hang in there and hope for the best. This is the road we have to travel and at the end our happy SO awaits. It's a good thing we don't have to do it alone, with all of us having each others back we can do this.
Would be nice if we get good news over the weekend. Good luck guys.



It will happen. Just hang in there.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-09-13 15:12:00
Middle East and North AfricaOlder Wife Interview help
The topic never even came up for us. We are almost 12 years apart.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-04-03 12:37:00
Middle East and North Africahelp with the red fleg issue

Okay, I have read all of the posts about the red flags and I am really terrified now of the visa interview. I am scared now that I don't have enough information to submit or the things that I submit are not going to be good enough. Can you guys offer any ''extras'' on what to take. Like how many pictures to submit...how many letters from friends/family to try to aquire. Any other evidence that I may could get. My computer got a virus and airheaded me didn't think to save the IM's before cleaning off the hard drive so I lost all of those--ugh. I feel like I am doomed now. Please guys tell me everything that you took/or will be taking to show proof of the marriage/relationship.


Andre took the scrapbooks I mentioned. He took an exact copy of all the stuff I had previously mailed in with the 129F which included phone bills, plane tickets, event tickets, ring reciept, and some pics, etc. I had sent him money on two occasions, so he took those Western Union recipts. I, being the hopeless romantic that I am, sent him a homemade card every single day. he took a box of those. Honestly, the guy looked at a handful of pics in the book and that was it. We were overprepared. I recommend better safe then sorry.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-04-03 15:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaFirst meeting with the kids or other family members
Andre met my 13 year old son in Jamaica in April 2007, right before he got here. We stayed with him and his family in Jamaica for a few weeks. He met my 11 year old daughter once he came here. He's sweet and gentle and they bonded with him immediately. One of our first events was to go to 6 flags so they could all bond acting like a bunch of kids. In the nearly year that he has been here, my kids call him every day when they get home from school and we spend every weekend and school holidays with them camped out at our house. I swear they could care less if I am there or not. It's Andre this and Andre that............
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-04-20 12:36:00
Middle East and North AfricaHow well does your SO speak and use your language?

my fiance spoke VERY little english when we first met. luckily i took 4 years of french in school so we could communicate that way in the beginning. for years i kicked myself in the butt for learning french instead of spanish. now i see my reason why ...years later! destiny i guess ....
also it helped with him teaching me some arabic. i seem to pick it up pretty fast! but over time my fiance practiced more english and has been taking ESL classes in morocco and its GREATLY improved. i can't wait until he gets here and can be immersed in it and see how much more it improves. however, his grammar is pretty bad. definitely need to work on that :) but hey, my oldest brother is american and his grammar is bad as well! lol



Andre speaks and writes english perfectly. And, I, in turn, can read and understand Patois.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-04-11 12:35:00
Middle East and North AfricaA Broken Journey
My prayers are with you.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-05-29 10:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaPlans for the 4th Holiday?
We trekked downtown to our big Fair St. Louis parade. 3.5 hours later, I was burnt to a crisp and ready to go home.

Andre had to work so I entertained myself cleaning the house, burning some bar-b-que for dinner, and scrapbooking. It was a nice relaxing kind of day in the end.
*JG*FemaleJamaica2007-07-05 09:29:00