ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaEVIDENCE
This might sound weird, but... if your main contact is text messaging, start taking pictures of the messages on your phone before you delete them. It might take several pictures to show the whole message, who sent it and when...

Best of luck!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-05-15 20:52:00
Middle East and North AfricaIf you had known then what you know now??
QUOTE (amal @ Sep 20 2009, 03:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
wait a second... since mine doesn't want to become a citizen...... does that mean that I won't get dumped? can i still go on the cruise?? jest.gif


I thought that would mean you'd have a year less before you'd get dumped - he only needs to wait for the 10 year card, not citizenship....

Then again, if they take off with all our money (like the lady at his POE said), none of us will be able to afford the cruise....

venusfire
biggrin.gif
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-09-20 16:49:00
Middle East and North AfricaIf you had known then what you know now??
Hmmm... maybe I'll get lucky. My wonderful husband isn't very good with time-related things. Maybe he'll never realize when his time is up?

tongue.gif jest.gif

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-09-19 18:36:00
Middle East and North AfricaIf you had known then what you know now??
QUOTE (Astarte @ Sep 19 2009, 03:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok now I'm sorta confused. I thought they could apply a few months shy of having their GC for 3 yrs...correct?


That's the way I understood it... 90 days before the 3 year anniversary of the date on their GC... I know there are some other things that apply in certain situations, but that's the general rule in most situations. At least for those of us who did K-1.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-09-19 15:08:00
Middle East and North AfricaIf you had known then what you know now??
QUOTE (childress_london @ Feb 13 2009, 03:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A question I have for you ladies who have children from previous marriages. How did your husband feel about your children and how did he adjust to them? Were there any jealous or insecure feelings?



My husband did very well, but I think he kind of knew he was in for alot. I would call him up sometimes when things weren't going so well, and he'd calm me down. My ex taught the children not to respect me, so it was really hard when I first moved out after all the divorce paperwork was signed. It's gotten much better now. Also, the divorce was still fairly fresh in their minds, and I was still adjusting to being on my own. It was alot all at once. Anyway, to answer your last question, there was no jealousy or insecure feelings on his part. My ex seems jealous about the children's relationship with their stepfather, though.

You also have to think about how the children will adjust to him as well.

Alot will depend on their ages. My little one was only 3 when he got here, and she avoided him, which upset him. He was worried that she wouldn't ever like him. I told him that as hard as it was, to just ignore her. He listened, and after a few days, she approached him. Then everything was fine. She adores him now - crawls up on his lap, etc. My son was 6 when my sweetie got here. He loved him right away, and says that his stepfather is his favorite person in the world. My daughter was 9, and was so excited when he got his visa. Things were great for about a year and a half. Then not so much. Things got really bad right after her dad remarried, and it took from last June until very recently until things got better. Everything seems ok now, and I hope it stays that way.

I think it's very helpful that you're thinking ahead on this. Good luck!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-20 21:40:00
Middle East and North AfricaIf you had known then what you know now??
QUOTE (Virtual wife @ Feb 11 2009, 09:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I almost hate to post this, but my husband's been here since May 2008, he hasn't had any serious problems adjusting, nor been really homesick. He's done almost everything on his own - from getting his Social Security Card and state ID to finding a job and punctually navigating on public transportation, improving his English - with minimal assistance. He thinks we work too hard and take friendships too much for granted, wishes he had Moroccan buds to hang out at the coffee shop with, even puts up with my evil and cruel older sister with dignity and grace; he just moves from day to day with few complaints.

He's got housework, laundry, and grocery shopping down pat, doesn't drive and doesn't care much about that, has his own bank accounts and manages money well. My friends and family all love him, and he loves them. Other than being cranky without enough sleep and a cup of coffee in the morning, his sweet, thoughtful, easy-going, laid-back, accomodating, go with the flow attitude has made him a breeze to live with. But, we don't have the language, cultural and religious gulfs to close, and that probably has a lot to do with our happiness and lack of drama. We're a great match! wub.gif I'm truly blessed.

Sorry blush.gif


Why are you sorry? It's wonderful to hear that things are going well for you! I like to tell people when things are good for me, in an effort to give others hope.

I can relate to much of both the good and bad I've been reading on here. Sometimes it's really difficult, but I wouldn't trade my situation for anything. I hope no one takes this the wrong way (including my husband if he sees this), but to me, it's kind of similar to dealing with my children. I love them very much, but two of them have been labelled "emotionally disturbed", and I have my hands full. My son especially is very challenging, but he's also very cuddly and sweet. The love I have for and from all of them makes the frustration worth it all to me.

Especially considering where I came from.... my first husband made lots of money, but was emotionally unavailable. It didn't work well. It's so incredible to be married to someone who actually likes to spend time with me. I love it - he calls it "being sticky". Now that I have the love and affection I always needed, I can deal with everything else so much better than before. Even his little quirks wink.gif

Best of luck to all!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-20 21:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaK-1 AOS filters from Morocco
Zaytoona,

You absolutely should send the I-693 - we got RFE because we didn't. Yes, it's a pain to deal with it, but it's better to get it over with. I honestly don't remember which vaccines are required, and there could be more on there now than there were a few years ago. I'm not sure. I do remember my husband going to a 'regular' doctor for his chicken pox test, and he just got them to sign something to take to the civil surgeon.

I am fairly certain my husband was allowed to translate his note from his doctor himself. He didn't have to re-do any vaccines, since he had the note from the doctor. It's good you have the paper - we didn't know we'd need it, and had to call the doctor in Morocco, fax a signed request, and then have his brother pick up the note and mail it to us. That was a pain.

Oh - make sure to send a copy of the note from the doctor as well as the translation. Of course, always keep copies of everything!

Best of luck!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-07-20 20:50:00
Middle East and North AfricaRamadan 2008
QUOTE (S and S @ Sep 13 2008, 03:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Does anyone else live in a home with a non-muslim who is not fasting? I swear my father is driving me crazy. I smell the food he cooks for himself, the coffee he makes, etc. It is a real test of my strength that I have no where to go. This is my home. He knows I'm fasting and he tries not to make it too bad, but he has his schedule and I have mine.


I'm not Muslim, but I fast with my husband (he is Muslim). I have three kids from my first marriage, and they seem to eat all of the time when they are here - hardest for me on weekends! It's getting a little easier though - I guess I'm getting used to it.

I can't exactly make them fast - they're young, wouldn't go for it, etc. Plus, I can just imagine the ex reporting me for "child abuse" or something, anyway. My 8 year old says he wants to fast one day, and I'm having a hard time trying to talk him out of it. I even told him I think children only do half days anyway. He says he still wants to try it. He seems to think that his dad will let him try it this Saturday when he's with him. Never gonna happen though. I finally told him he can fast until his age (in order words, until 8 am this year, 9 next year, etc).

Anyway, not only do I notice them eating and drinking all of the time, but I also cook for them, get them drinks of water, etc. I feel rude wandering out of the kitchen while they eat dinner, but I think they understand. They even agreed not to make popcorn during the day because of the smell.

Hang in there! I'm sure Allah appreciates the extra effort on your part.
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2008-09-16 22:38:00
Middle East and North AfricaRamadan 2008
QUOTE (Rajaa_Reda @ Sep 7 2008, 08:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ok ok got a question... what are you folks doing about the nasty breath thing from fasting???


I wondered how to take care of the problem, too, especially since most people we know aren't doing Ramadan and don't 'get it'. Well, my husband said we can't use anything that has scent or taste during the day, even if we don't swallow it. I tried waking up early to brush and drink water before sunrise, but it doesn't last all day. Besides, the minty toothpaste just makes me thirstier. I found that just rinsing with water helps a little, but if you add a little hydrogen peroxide when you rinse, it works even better. The peroxide (which has no taste) bubbles away the icky stuff. Just don't use it full strength.

I learned about this from my dad, who is a dentist. He recommends it (and flossing, of course) every day anyway, since it improves the overall health (and smell) of your mouth. If you need extra help, put a little baking soda on your brush along with the toothpaste. I worked with him in the past, and have seen dramatic changes in people who use floss, baking soda, and/or peroxide.
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2008-09-08 10:08:00
Middle East and North AfricaRamadan 2008
QUOTE (terrie @ Aug 21 2008, 03:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I too need the same advice. I was gonna just type about this myself. I am new to Ramadan and want to so make my husband proud of me. I just don't know how i can go without eating all day, when thats all they ever do in my office. And when i get bored at home, well that refrig, has such good stuff in it. I know self discpline is needed and i'm not good with that. so if anyone has any suggestions, they would be appreciated.


Well, I think it's wonderful that you want to be closer to your husband and make him feel proud. The first time I sort of did Ramadan (I used Moroccan time, not American, and didn't start right away) was solely out of consideration for him - I didn't want to rudely eat in front of him on the webcam. Well, he said I didn't have to (I'm not even Muslim), but he was so excited and happy about it that I did it 'for real' last year. This year, I'm focusing more on the true reasons for doing it as I understand them to be - respect for God/Allah, to 'better' ourselves spiritually, and to at least symbolically help feed the poor. Maybe I'm misguided, but I'm still learning.

Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with fasting no matter what the reason. I'm sure you have other reasons anyway. In my case, my reasons have changed for the better in the past two years. Sometimes we need to go through the motions at first and let the true purpose find us later. At least that's what happened for me!

I told my husband about your post, and he thinks it's wonderful that you're interested in trying.

Best of luck.
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2008-08-21 16:28:00
Middle East and North AfricaRamadan 2008
I was just wondering the best way to 'ease into' Ramadan for someone who is new to it. I am waiting a little later each day to eat to get my body used to it, but someone told me it might not make things easier, but actually harder - I'm making myself weaker for the start of Ramadan.

Does anyone have any tips on how to help adjust to this for someone new to it? I asked my husband, but he's been doing it since he was a child.

Thanks!
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2008-08-21 14:27:00
Middle East and North Africanot fasting.... :(
Thank you for the supportive words.

Yeah, I'd say the pressure is at least 95% internal. Some of it is just that I know my husband and his family know I've been doing it. They've never pressured me to do it, but they all seem so proud of me for doing it.

Yes, I have done it to support my husband. Some of it is to challenge myself, reduce how much I eat, etc. But there's part of me that wonders if God wants my husband to fast, why wouldn't he want me to as well? I mean, before I met him, I had heard about Ramadan, but didn't know much about it, and didn't think about it either. But now that I know... then it's different.

Yes, I think starting so late in life doesn't help - I was 38 the first time. And yes, the fact that this country doesn't accomodate it at all doesn't help. Plus, the 14 hour daylight really makes it difficult. If it was 10 hours, for instance, I don't think it would be too much of an issue. Oh - and having my young ones here, eating off and on all day adds to it.

I will make sure not to eat or drink in front of him. And if I feel better, I will try again. I think the least I can do for now is cut back on how much I eat - especially the 'junk' food. That's a good idea anyway!

Best of luck to all of you - especially those of you who are fasting!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-08-14 19:40:00
Middle East and North Africanot fasting.... :(
Please, no nasty comments.

Even though I'm not Muslim, I made the decision in 2006 to fast with my SO, and I've been doing it since then. I was concerned about it this year because I was having some dizzy spells and nausea even before Ramadan started. I tried, and did manage to fast the first 3 days. This morning, I wasn't sure if I could do it or not, or even if I should be doing it. I spent the day in turmoil, trying to decide what I should do. About an hour ago, I finally decided to eat. I know I can sit here and justify it - I'm not Muslim, I'm not sure if I'm healthy enough to fast, I don't have health insurance right now (so I don't want to find out the hard way), I have children to take care of (and haven't been able to really do that because of how I feel, physically), I'm nervously starting grad school in less than 2 weeks, going back to work in a few weeks (I'm a sub), dealing with an ex/custody problems/more stress than usual (I'm sure the resulting insomnia doesn't help).... but this was a very difficult decision to make, and very emotional for me. I cried, and my husband comforted me and said it's ok. I still feel ... unsettled about it. I'm a little relieved, but also feel like a failure. I have some other uncomfortable emotions that I can't quite label right now.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else out there has experienced this same - or similar - situation. I don't have anyone to talk with about this, because I don't know anyone other than my husband and his family who fast. No one I know 'gets it' either - most haven't said anything, but I don't think any of them can understand why I was fasting anyway.

Thanks
venusfire

Edited by venusfire503, 14 August 2010 - 05:21 PM.

venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-08-14 17:19:00
Middle East and North AfricaHow is your Arabic?
I wish I knew more....

I spent a lot of time learning the 'alphabet', and can transliterate most of the time (still learning the rules about some of the vowels, etc). I've made some flash cards to learn vocabulary. It's really difficult to figure things out sometimes - not like when I learned Spanish in school. I tried to transliterate and then translate an email... YIKES! It doesn't help that my Moroccan Arabic / English dictionary doesn't have the arabic script in it. When I try to look something up, I have to guess how they spelled it... and there doesn't seem to be a hard and fast rule about alphabetizing in it. Then there are those words that aren't always the same. For instance, I've noticed that many words sometimes have "l" or "al" at the beginning - but only sometimes (khobz/lkhobz, lhalib/alhalib). My husband isn't always really good at explaining it....

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-08-28 12:49:00
Middle East and North AfricaFemales Polygamy

It sounds like there's no way the US would know about that first marriage, since it took place in Morocco, and no paperwork was filed here about it, and the first husband was never in this country. While it MIGHT be possible for them to "get away with it", I wouldn't advise trying. Even if they never ran into a problem, worrying about it isn't a good thing. And you never know what might happen later. I think checking to make sure the marriage was ended legally is the best idea. If it wasn't, then work on getting that done. Since there is nothing about this marriage that involves immigration, then if she has to get a divorce and then 're'marry her current husband, it will be less complicated.

Best of luck for them.

venusfire



meaning get a divorce from her first husband and then legally marry her second husband.....
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-01-03 19:52:00
Middle East and North AfricaFemales Polygamy
It sounds like there's no way the US would know about that first marriage, since it took place in Morocco, and no paperwork was filed here about it, and the first husband was never in this country. While it MIGHT be possible for them to "get away with it", I wouldn't advise trying. Even if they never ran into a problem, worrying about it isn't a good thing. And you never know what might happen later. I think checking to make sure the marriage was ended legally is the best idea. If it wasn't, then work on getting that done. Since there is nothing about this marriage that involves immigration, then if she has to get a divorce and then 're'marry her current husband, it will be less complicated.

Best of luck for them.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-01-03 19:44:00
Middle East and North AfricaWomen older then there fiance
Yeah, I see many older (often Christian) USC women and younger Muslim MENA men on this forum. Not sure the percentages, but we definitely aren't a rare thing here. I'm 11 years older than my husband, it took him only 3 months to get here, and we've been married for almost 4 years now. Things are great between us.

Of course, there are other outcomes in other relationships. Trust your instincts, and be prepared to hear people tell you things that won't make you happy. I still have idiots telling me about people they knew who were (in their opinion) used for a green card. These are people I just met, and it's happened several times. Makes me want to say to them "gee, I should've told you about my stepfather who was diagnosed with cancer - got any 'good' stories for me about that too?!!" Yeah, I know fraud happens, but it's not in every single case. And trust me, you're not in this process very long before you're made aware of the fact that it does happen. Some people tell you about it out of concern, some out of ignorance.

Anyway, once you've decided that your relationship is a good one, and you have a good shot at it, it's time to convince the people who decide about the visa. Prepare, prepare, prepare... and pray.

Best of luck!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-01-03 19:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA men say the darndest things....
QUOTE (Rosie and Farid @ Apr 18 2009, 11:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And the good thing that I notice about him is that he does not stare at women on the street which I find odd. And I will teaze him and say, Isn't that lady pretty? And he will always respond, "I have my lady and she is very beautiful".

I am amazed at how great of a person he is, so unlike the creep I was with before. good.gif



I asked my husband to read those last 2 parts, and before I got to say anything, he asked "did you write that?". Well, the reason I was showing him was because I was thinking I could have written that!

Aren't we lucky now?

kicking.gif

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-19 21:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA men say the darndest things....
I keep thinking of more....

He isn't afraid to try to try anything. That's usually, but not always, a good thing. He always says "whether I fix it or break it for good...". That used to scare me, but I've gotten used to it by now.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-16 13:20:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA men say the darndest things....
I took a few boxes of mac & cheese to Morocco for our visit last year - kind of like a joke. Surprise, surprise - the whole family loved it! I ended up paying more for shipping some over there than it cost to buy it. Oh well.

The interesting thing is that now my children are now starting to pick up his speech habits - such as "take my promises".

Oh, and as for food... he goes through his phases. HAD to have Bertucci's bread for a while, then suddenly didn't want it anymore. We went through the Taco Bell phase for a while. When he heard that some of the things might have gelatin (amazing how many things do - certain gum, sour cream, etc), that was the end of that.

When my SO first got here, he lost weight - wasn't used to the food. I bought him french or italian bread, laughing cow creamy swiss, and whole milk (he adds tons of sugar and honey - sometimes chocolate syrup), so he could at least have a familar breakfast. The children started eating that instead of cereal. Then I got him on 1% milk somehow, and we went to toast. A little better. I'm just amazed at what he'll put on his toast. It started with jelly, then peanut butter, then Nutella. I didn't realize it was a slippery slope. Now he uses whatever he can find. Some examples are hershey bars, other candy bars, chocolate covered cherries, cookies, cake, chocolate chips... He's definitely a chocoholic, and it's all my fault. He had never dared to try it, so I took a huge bag of it every time I visited. Enough to hand out to kids on the street (can't do that here).

Oh, and I find it interesting not just how he phrases or pronounces things, but how he can hear certain sounds that I can't and visa versa. For example, I can't figure out how to tell the difference between the Arabic Ts, Ss, or Hs. At the same time, he doesn't hear the difference between cup, cap, and cop. Also, I can't tell if he's saying "shirt" or "shorts" half the time....

But I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. He's so amazing.

venusfire

P.S. I told him about this thread, and said I wouldn't post anything embarassing about him. He said he didn't care, though. He just walked in and asked if I was writing about the chocolate. heehee
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-16 13:11:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA men say the darndest things....
QUOTE (humpkinpumpkin @ Apr 12 2009, 01:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My husband knew that a quiz was coming up at school but he wasn't sure what night of the week it would be. He went up to the woman teaching the class and asked, "could you tell me please when you will give the squeeze?"

rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif rofl.gif

Luckily my husband has thick skin 'cause the kids always making him say english words over and over and they crack up. He laughs right along with them though.

He's stopped saying piss thank God. Not that my kids don't know all the swear words but I was afraid he'd say it in front of my parents or something. He still says azz though even though I try to tell him to say bum instead.


My kids often ask my husband to say "belly button". He says it the right way now, but will still say it the 'old' way for their sake when they ask.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-16 12:32:00
Middle East and North AfricaMental Illness
Well, just to throw something new into the mix - what about me? My (USC) ex was VERY emotionally abusive and controlling (and we were together a long time - met when we were young - still teenagers). My MENA man, on the other hand, is the sweetest, kindest, most helpful person I've ever met. We went through some tough times, of course - there was quite a bit of adjusting on both our parts (and we learned to make those adjustments). We're both human, so it's not like it's been perfect every second. But, he's been more encouraging and supportive than anyone else in my life, and he's even brought me closer to God (without either of us converting to the other's religion, in case anyone is wondering - but please don't think I'm criticizing anyone who converts). He always tells me, too, how much he appreciates all I've done for him. Our situation has allowed us to spend more time together than most couples, and we like to keep each other company. I honestly couldn't imagine life without him. He's very loving, and we get along very very well. I know that 4 years and 4 months of marriage isn't like a lifetime or anything, but judging from those years and months, I'm very optimistic for the future of our relationship. We're happy, and we just... fit together.

Best of luck to all of you, whenever life takes you.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-05-21 19:19:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA Spouses Poll

- Which country is your MENA Spouse from? Or, if you are the MENA spouse, which country are you from?

- Is the MENA spouse male or female?

- If you are the USC spouse, are you originally MENA? Or, if you are the MENA spouse, is your USC spouse originally MENA?

SHARE!! :)

Aya

N.B: I couldn't start the thread in a Poll format since the first question has more than '12' possible choices, and you can only have 12 choices for each question.



My husband is from Morocco. I'm not originally MENA - just plain USC. haha

We met online, and are now waiting for his N-400 interview letter, just to add a few quick facts.

venusfire


This is a cute and fun thread - thanks!
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-07-19 11:47:00
Middle East and North Africaoldies but goodies?
We've been together just over 5 years, and married for 'only' 4 years and 5 months. We're both very happy, despite some of the not so great things going on - things not related to our marriage (amazing how having a loving and supportive spouse makes other things more tolerable).

Congratulations and good luck to all!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-06-23 20:40:00
Middle East and North AfricaMoroccans
I tried to edit, but it won't let me :angry:

Here is what I tried to post:

When we were in the "getting to know you" phase, I asked him questions about things like race and religion (among MANY other things - but this isn't a discussion about those other things). He told me he is Arab, and that was that.

Then he got the visa, and one day we went to apply for his social security number. Neither of us knew which box to check, so we actually went up and asked the lady at the counter. She said to mark "caucasian", so we did. Some people think that's kind of funny (not in a mean way) that we had to ask - I do, too.

I have a sister I think STILL doesn't agree that my husband is caucasian, even though I sent her the link about it.

When my students see his picture (I'm a sub, so it's not always the same students), many of them ask if he's Mexican or Puerto Rican. Even if they are! When I tell them he's Arab, many of them ask what that means. When I did some research to print something out, I found out that Arab isn't an easily defined term. That makes sense to me. When I was growing up, I knew about "black", "white", and wasn't so aware of any 'others'. It seemed more clear cut at the time, because it wasn't a very diverse area. Now that I live in the Philadelphia area and meet people from all over the world, and also now that my own extended family has become so diverse, I realize more and more that trying to categorize people (and not just by race) is nearly impossible in many cases, and really has no purpose. Some of my students still want to know 'what' he is, and since they're children, I just tell him that it's not something that's easy to explain, and that it doesn't matter to us. I also tell him that we jokingly refer to him as "dark white", since he's darker than the rest of the family but is considered caucasian. Also, my husband and I have also become aware of the concept of "European white" as opposed to "non-European white". It's weird.

Another thing that's weird is how he always seemed to change color in Morocco. Sometimes, he looked very very light, like me. Other times, he looked really dark. Since he got here, though, he actually seems to be darker most of the time. It could be from the stress. I notice sometimes his lips are kind of pink, and other times they're kind of brown - especially if he's unhappy, sleepy, or feels sick. He occasionally mentions something about wanting to be lighter, and I remind him that many light people go get tans. Humans are odd. Over all, I think he's learning to stop caring what other people think, and doesn't feel stared at like he did when he first got here.

I think our skin colors look beautiful, especially next to each other.

I'm proud of this true little story: One day, my son brought home something from school about Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, and asked me what it was all about. I started to explain it to him, but he got very confused. He wanted to know what the term "black people" meant. I said they have darker skin. He wanted to know if that meant his stepfather was black, and I said no. Then I tried to explain to him that his uncles S and V are considered black. But things just kept getting more confusing - what about his cousins? They're a mix of 'white' and 'black' - and some are part Filipina..... I think the poor kid was more confused than when we had started!

When I realized I was falling in love, I didn't even give a thought to what anyone else would think. When I found out that it wasn't going to be so 'easy', I didn't care - the love was and is strong, and too important to me to care what people thought and said. All I know is that I love him so much, and he loves me too. I knew some people who didn't 'accept' him - until they met him. Attitudes changed once they got to know him. The people who can't accept him are no longer part of my life.

We think of our 'differences' as bonuses.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to deal with pressure from family and 'friends' who can't learn to grow up and just realize we're all HUMANS.

Best of luck to everyone.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-07-09 10:17:00
Middle East and North AfricaMoroccans
When we were in the "getting to know you" phase, I asked him questions about things like race and religion (among MANY other things - but this isn't a discussion about those other things). He told me he is Arab, and that was that.

Then he got the visa, and one day we went to apply for his social security number. Neither of us knew which box to check, so we actually went up and asked the lady at the counter. She said to mark "caucasian", so we did. Some people think that's kind of funny (not in a mean way) that we had to ask - I do, too.

I have a sister I think STILL doesn't agree that my husband is caucasian, even though I sent her the link about it.

When my students see his picture, many of them ask if he's Mexican or Puerto Rican. Even if they are! When I tell them he's Arab, many of them ask what that means. I did some research to print something out, I found out that Arab isn't an easily defined term. That makes sense to me. When I was growing up, I knew about "black", "white", and wasn't so aware of any 'others'. It seemed more clear cut at the time, because it wasn't a very diverse area. Now that I live in the Philadelphia area and meet people from all over the world, I realize more and more that trying to categorize people (and not just by race) is nearly impossible in many cases, and really has no purpose. Some of them still want to know 'what' he is, and since they're children, I just tell him that it's not something that's easy to explain, and that it doesn't matter to us. I also tell him that we jokingly refer to him as "dark white", since he's darker than the rest of us but is considered caucasian. Also, my husband and I have also become aware of the concept of "European white" as opposed to "non-European white". It's weird.

Another thing that's weird is how he always seemed to change color in Morocco. Sometimes, he looked very very light, like me. Other times, he looked really dark. Since he got here, though, he actually seems to be darker most of the time. It could be from the stress. I notice sometimes his lips are kind of pink, and other times they're kind of brown - especially if he's unhappy, sleepy, or feels sick. He occasionally mentions something about wanting to be lighter, and I remind him that many light people go get tans. Humans are odd.

I think our skin colors look beautiful, especially next to each other.

I'm proud of this true little story. One day, my son brought home something from school about Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, and asked me what it was all about. I started to explain it to him, but he got very confused. He wanted to know what the term "black people" meant. I said they have dark skin. He wanted to know if that meant his stepfather was black, and I said no. Then I tried to explain to him that his uncles S and V are considered black. But things just kept getting more confusing - what about his cousins? They're a mix of 'white' and 'black' - and some are part Filipina..... I think the poor kid was more confused than when we had started!

When I realized I was falling in love, I didn't even give a thought to what anyone else would think. When I found out that it wasn't going to be so 'easy', I didn't care - the love was and is strong, and too important to me to give up because of what people thought and said. All I know is that I love him so much, and he loves me too. I knew some people who didn't 'accept' him - until they met him. Attitudes changed once they got to know him. The people who can't accept him are no longer part of my life.

We think of our 'differences' as bonuses.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to deal with pressure from family and 'friends' who can't learn to grow up and just realize we're all HUMANS.

Best of luck to everyone.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-07-09 10:09:00
Middle East and North AfricaMorocco - K1 visa denied - Now what? Help!

Looking at what people have said on here and other posts we do have things the CO could consider as red flags.

* weak proof of communication
* he is a poor farmer
* I have two kids
* I am overweight. (there is no age difference, we were born in the same year)
* his brother is here in the USA and I actually started talking to his sister-in-law before him.
* maybe number of visits and time. Two visits 14 months apart. 3 weeks and 2.5 weeks each.

Now our task is to strengthen the communication and the proof. It is in God's hands now.



krista,

Do you mean the proof is weak (not much printed out for them), or that the communication itself might be seen as poor? When we were in the visa stage, we had our own little "interlanguage' - a mix of English, a little French, and his version of English. When he first got here, we had a joke that I was his "English to English translator" - he couldn't understand anyone speaking other than me, and most people had difficulty understanding him. That soon changed, though. The point you (or actually he) can make is that YOU TWO understand each other.

Interlanguage is "an emerging linguistic system that has been developed by a learner of a second language (or L2) who has not become fully proficient yet but is approximating the target language: preserving some features of their first language (or L1), or overgeneralizing target language rules in speaking or writing the target language and creating innovations." (I got that from Wikipedia - sorry about the underlines). Basically, that means that someone learning a new language will make that language similiar to their native language in some ways, and also that they will use terms not usually used by native speakers (think of Ziva on NCIS, if you've ever watched some of the older shows when she first started). I learned about this in my Linguistics class (wish I had taken it years ago - it explained so much to me about my husband's English and my difficulties trying to learn Darija!)

Don't know if that will help you or anyone else, but I figure it's worth a shot if they mention something about communication. Who knows? Maybe quoting information from Linguists will convince them. I can't make any guarantees, of course, but if you've already been denied...

Most people in Morocco are poor - but he's working.

How does he feel about kids? Are the two of you planning to have any? (Don't answer me - this is for you two and the consulate) If it's true, tell them he loves children, accepts yours, and you're hoping to have some of your own.

My husband says that in Morocco, being somewhat overweight isn't a bad thing for a woman since most people there are quite thin. I'm overweight, too, and he says I'm perfect. Also, he's gained weight since he got here, and says that even though he doesn't have as much energy as he used to, he prefers being a little overweight to being too thin.

I'm not sure what to say about the brother issue - maybe someone else can help with that one. I don't know if it would help to mention how long the brother has been with his wife (if he came on fiance or spousal visa). I figure if one of my brothers in law go for a fiance or spousal visa, mentioning that my husband is a citizen now and still with me (I know it's not long yet - heehee) could be helpful - it will show that he didn't marry me just for immigration and that might put his brother in a better light. If his brother is a citizen, or even just a permanent resident, that might help - what does everyone else think?

Is there any way you can visit him again? I know it's difficult to get that much time and money (and it's a long enough trip you can't just go for a few days - jet lag alone is a good reason for that), but if you can, that might help. I didn't read all of the posts, but I think I saw something about getting married on the next trip. Ask about that (new post?) - some people say it will help, some say it won't unless you address the reasons for the K-1 denial. Either way, you don't want to chance a spousal visa denial.

Best of luck!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-07-11 08:51:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnother year....
Congratulations!

venusfire
:thumbs:
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-08-02 16:56:00
Middle East and North AfricaCombating the "yo mama don't live here" issue
I don't know if this will help you - or anyone else - but I had this same issue with my ex (not the only issue!). He worked long hours, and I was home with the wee one. It's difficult when it's just one child - they want ALL your time and attention, and it's difficult to get things done. Also, I couldn't CONSTANTLY clean all day long, every time the baby made a mess - it's boring and exhausting. So I finally came up with a deal - I would let the house go during the day (no need to keep cleaning up the same toys and books 100 times a day, seriously). He would call when he was coming home (since it wasn't always the same time) and give me at least 1/2 hour notice. I would clean ONE TIME each day (well, a little during her naps, too, when she took them) - while he was on his way home. I got to spend time with my daughter during the day (which is more important than constant cleaning), and he would still come home to a fairly clean and straightened out house. He was happy, and I wasn't so exhausted. I also didn't have to ignore my baby more than about 1/2 hour each day. And when she got old enough to help me, we made a 'game' out of getting it done. I wanted to share this because this idea was a 'life saver' - and one of the few things the ex and I ever worked out/solved during our marriage. I figure if it worked for us.....

There are sometimes more time intensive things that need to be done. My theory was that he could play with the baby sometimes (evenings, weekends, whatever) while I worked on those things. That would have worked, in my opinion, if he had done that. Since he didn't (and money wasn't as much of an issue), I actually hired mother's helpers to play with the children so I could get things like bills, laundry, and real cleaning (not just straightening up) done. I think the best idea would be a combination. I think it's important for the working parent(s) to get some one one one time with the children, and also for the 'non-working' (I prefer 'at-home') parent to get a few minutes away. Ideally, the at-home parent should have some time to get 'work' done without interruption (ever try to make a phone call with a demanding baby/toddler around?), and both parents should get occasional 'free' time with no child(ren) and no work/housework.

Luckily, my husband and I managed to work out the whole who-does-what thing. We're also flexible about it - he often does more around (and outside) the house (even child care related things - for children that aren't 'his', biologically - only in his heart) than I do, but he REALLY took over while I went back to school. Now that I'm finally done with school, I am doing more around the house. And he surprised me by telling me he enrolled in school starting in the Fall!

Best of luck to everyone.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-07-09 11:28:00
Middle East and North AfricaCombating the "yo mama don't live here" issue
Squeaky,

I hope it continues! Of course, there will likely be some 'sliding' sometimes - the most important part is that things improve, and you're able to keep from 'burning out'.

Good luck

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-07-09 11:02:00
Middle East and North AfricaRegistering a US marriage in Morocco
star_dragon,

Congratulations - that's wonderful! I copied your post and IMed it to my husband (I know - I'm lazy - he's just down in the basement).

I guess the CIN is the identity card? I think my husband's is expired..... I'll have to check on that. I guess we'll have to take care of that first...

Did any of this involve his passport? I have no idea.... my husband's passport expires somewhat soon.

Thanks for the update!
venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-10-17 10:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaRegistering a US marriage in Morocco
QUOTE (Kenza @ Sep 25 2009, 05:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (venusfire503 @ Sep 25 2009, 04:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We can get married Islamically even though I'm not Muslim?

venusfire

If the woman getting married is "of the people of the book" i.e. Christian or Jewish and the man is a Muslim, then yes, you can still have an Islamic marriage.


Kenza,

Thank you for letting me know that. It sounds like it might be easier to do it next time we visit Morocco, though. If we do it here, I'm not sure how we'd get it registered over there - sounds confusing.

The only thing is, I thought only Muslims can go into mosques. Where are the ceremonies done?

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-09-27 20:42:00
Middle East and North AfricaRegistering a US marriage in Morocco
We can get married Islamically even though I'm not Muslim?

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-09-25 15:37:00
Middle East and North AfricaRegistering a US marriage in Morocco
QUOTE (Majid_Anna @ Sep 23 2009, 11:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (venusfire503 @ Sep 23 2009, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So, what can we do if we want our marriages to be recognized in Morocco - get married again there? Can anyone outline what steps need to be taken? Is it a problem if the USC spouse is not Muslim?

Thanks

venusfire


No, it's not a problem. You have to be married by an Imam, with 2 muslim witnesses...then they give you a "certificate of marriage". That's what you need to register your marriage in Morocco...that much I know. It's the process of doing it from here that is confusing. I have research to do! star_smile.gif


Well, in our case, we didn't do any of those things - we were just married by an officiant - no Imam, no Muslim witnesses.... so now what?

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-09-24 23:19:00
Middle East and North AfricaRegistering a US marriage in Morocco
So, what can we do if we want our marriages to be recognized in Morocco - get married again there? Can anyone outline what steps need to be taken? Is it a problem if the USC spouse is not Muslim?

Thanks

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-09-23 20:58:00
Middle East and North Africadeclaring marriage to the moroccan consulate.
Ah, I found this after changing the words in Search.

So,... anyone find out anything?

We were married in 2007, but not Islamically. We don't have any children yet, but hope to some day (inchalla). His passport expires in 9 months.

Just wondering what we need to do, how to do it, and when....

thanks for any information

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-23 21:32:00
Middle East and North Africapositive things
Hi everyone!

I don't get on VJ very often anymore, and I kind of miss it. Things are good and bad. The bad parts have nothing to do with my husband, and everything to do with outside things (which are also very time consuming).

I hope everyone is ok. My husband is wonderful. He seems more relaxed and confident now that he has his citizenship (it's hard to believe it's been more than 4 months!), and things between us are better than ever.

I caught some sort of 'bug' recently, and am rather miserable today (hence, having time to sign in). My poor, sweet husband has been taking good care of me - taking me to the doctor, taking care of the house and kids, etc. He's always super helpful, but lately he has gone above and beyond even more than usual!

I won't get into the 'bad' things (other than mentioning being sick), because I don't want to be a bummer. I just want to post something positive. As I've said, I haven't had much time to look through the forums, but I know the tendency is for people to post more often when things are problematic than when they're going well. I think it's kind of cyclical - I remember some times it seemed like there were so many horror stories! (My heart goes out to people in bad situations.)

Anyway, maybe this can be a thread for people to post anything positive they want about their lives and relationships. I especially like to hear about other MENA couples who are having happy, long-lasting relationships.

We've been 'together' for 5-1/2 years, he's been here almost 5 years, and we've been married for 4 years and 10 months. Despite everything we're dealing with (and all the "red flags"), our relationship is very strong and enjoyable.

Best wishes to everyone!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-11-19 14:15:00
Middle East and North AfricaAre you currently in Administrative Processing?
Why do people claim that Muslims and Arabs do not speak out against terrorism?

Do just a little research, and you will find that they do.

Here are just a few links:

http://www.cgnews.or...308&lan=en&sp=0

http://kurzman.unc.e...inst-terrorism/

http://hananiacreato...m-yes-they.html

http://www.cair.com/...iTerrorism.aspx

There ia also a Facebook group called Muslims against Muslim Extremists. There are likely other groups online, but I don't spend much time surfing, so I wouldn't know about them.


My husband, who isn't famous or part of any organizations or anything, is very much opposed to terrorism - as I'm sure all of you are. His opposition to terrorism isn't broadcast to the world just as mine isn't (other than this post!).

Not only do Arabs and Muslims have to deal with the same emotions about it as the rest of us, but they also have to worry about being discriminated against because the terrorists have soiled their reputation. I'm upset with the terrorists because of what they did to Americans, and to our country. My husband is, too. But we're also upset because their actions have made the lives of so many innocent Arabs and Muslims so much more difficult and complicated. That's something that many people probably don't even think about (if I wasn't married to an Arab Muslim, I probably wouldn't be so aware of it).
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-11-19 16:06:00
Middle East and North Africaopen letter to Officer Covington
Thank you so much for the support and well wishes, everyone. I just had to get that off of my back. I think it was bad enough she (yes, it was a woman) drilled him and made him feel bad. I didn't even really have too much of a problem with her 'warning' me, but I think it was done the wrong way. She could have said a little (not that I hadn't already been aware of the fact that there are some scammers out there) to let me know, but I think it was completely unprofessional for her to get so personal about my appearance, age, etc. I don't think insulting people (esp. USCs - maybe discouraging immigrants is expected? it's wrong, but ... maybe expected?) is part of anyone's duty or job description. It really put a crimp in our excitement about getting here together. And you all know how long and difficult it is to wait for that moment!

I'm usually not overly sensitive about people's comments, but it gets annoying sometimes. I got so sick of hearing the horror stories. One example of a common occurrence - I told a woman I met (I was subbing for her because she had IEP meetings that day) about my husband being from Morocco, and she told me about someone she knew who was scammed for a green card and citizenship, and all but came out and said it would happen to me too. Now I'm just itching for someone to say that to me again, so I can proudly mention that he's had his citizenship for a while now!

It's unfortunate that I'm probably not the only person who has had to deal with insensitive remarks about having a spouse from another country.

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, happy holiday season, and a wonderful new year! Good luck on your journeys.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-12-25 07:44:00
Middle East and North Africaopen letter to Officer Covington

Did you register a complaint, official or otherwise, 5 years ago ?


No - didn't know how/where, and was really too chicken, actually. Don't poke the bear, you know.... I didn't/don't have any proof of it anyway.

We were so paranoid throughout the entire process. I can see the difference in my husband since he got his citizenship. I didn't realize how "second class" he felt as a permanent resident. He's more relaxed and confident now, and things between us are even better than before!
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2011-12-25 07:28:00