Forum	Title	Content	Member	Sex	Country	Date/Time
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	just waiting.... and waiting :-)	QUOTE (gregandlinda @ Jun 8 2009, 10:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hi folks, Greg and Erlinda here, we applied for our K1 on approx Feb 24, 2009 and receieved our receipt on March 2nd 2009. Is it possible that it can be approved before the stated 6 months? it looks as if it can be according to some of the psts here or is that dependat on what counrty the benificiary is from?? My Fiancee is in the Philippines asn we have been living together in sin hahaha on line for over a year now. Skype is great and so is magic jack just in case you guys foine that you cant live without spending 8-12 hours a day toegterh even as far away as we are. Well good luck to all you toher applicants and i hope all youre visas are approved and in quick tiome. I know how hard it is Greg Greg, Yes, it is possible that it will take less than 6 months, but it can also take much longer. It's not really easy to predict. The timelines you will get are only estimates. I think country can be a factor, but so can many other things. I remember the feeling - we used to be online (IM/cam) almost constantly... it started out appr 4 hours per night, and then it got to the point that I slept on the couch and we'd both keep our cams on, in case one of us woke up - then we could watch the other sleep. It's so wonderful when you're finally together! Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-06-08 22:10:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Copies of paperwork	Sandi, I don't think you're getting ahead of yourself. Better early than too late! I worked on all the paperwork ahead of time so it was ready to go. I also made multiple copies, etc. I think taking things there in person, when possible, is a great idea. Geez, I wish my memory was good... I DO remember taking things with me for his interview - my birth certificate was one of them. I also remember he took a briefcase full of additional photos of the two of us, more email, things like that. Receipts for our engraved wedding bands that we ordered - anything that showed more proof of an ongoing relationship. There were forms he needed, too. Maybe someone who is getting ready for an interview right now, or someone who just had one recently would be of more help... Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-06-14 16:44:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Permission letter	QUOTE (USAplusColombia @ Jun 7 2009, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'm a single dad of 2. Raised my 4 year old since he was 9 months old totally on my own. If my ex wife (who has weekends on and off) decided to take my kids out of the country, I'd be damned if I'd just say..."Great opportunity for the tots!" If there are two parents in the picture.....I think it is totally unfair to step in and try to drag a child across the globe. If the dad or mom is in the picture, think about the parent/child relationship. I absolutely see your point. However, in this case, the OP says the father hasn't bothered to see the child in years (and isn't very good about paying child support either). Now that she wants to move, he's trying to keep her from taking the child. That doesn't sound to me like a father who is really "in the picture", or cares himself about the parent/child relationship. It sounds to me like a man who wants to use the child to control the mother. Using children is disgusting. It goes both ways, too - I can't take my children to visit their new stepfamily because their father won't let me. He won't even give me a reason why. I don't think that's fair either. I can understand not wanting me to move them out of the country (not that I'd want to), but not allowing me to take them to visit family? I wanted to take them last summer when he was out of the country and wouldn't have seen them during that time anyway. By the way, I'm impressed - single parenting isn't easy, especially with a baby! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-06-12 13:37:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Just Met My Fiance,,	QUOTE (Deborah M @ May 10 2009, 06:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Ok, now I am worried after reading these post. I have met my fiancee in person in March of 2009, we started to committ to each other in 11/08. I cannot go back to see him because I will not have the funds or time to take from work. Do you think that we negatively affect us when it is time for his interview? Deborah M, Don't panic. It might make it harder, but it's not a definite denial or anything like that. Going to Morocco is not something that can be done cheaply, and it does require vacation time that isn't always available. Your SO can mention that at the interview if he's asked why you were only there once. I'd recommend starting to save as much money as you can. If the process takes a while (which is possible with Casa), you might have the opportunity to go again after some time has passed. If things work out well, and he gets the visa before you get the chance for a second visit, the money can always come in handy somewhere else (like his flight here, filing for the 'green card', etc.). In all cases, make sure to continue to gather as much evidence of your relationship as possible. He can take it to his visa interview (they want to see proof of the relationship from time of filing to time of interview). More evidence in one area can kind of compensate for lack in another area. I also found out through this process that you'll need things even after the visa for the next steps (green card, removing conditions, and filing for citizenship if he chooses). It seems like there will never be a day I will be able to stop saving cards, bills, etc. Or take a picture without thinking "oh, that will be good for immigration". Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-05-10 17:29:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Just Met My Fiance,,	Tomi, Just to put you at ease, I only knew my SO for about 4 months when we applied, and things went well for us. Every case is different, but it IS possible to be approved for a visa after a short courtship. If you decide to hire a lawyer, that doesn't mean you can just let them do everything for you without you being involved. I strongly agree with what JimVaPhuong wrote about that. First of all, I've dealt with 5 lawyers for different reasons, and I can tell you that if you don't prod them occasionally, you'll be the last case in their pile. They're busy, and will deal first with the people who check in with them (but probably not the complete pains who bother them daily!). Also, I've seen quite a few mistakes made by them - they're not perfect either. We used an immigration lawyer, and I insisted on checking over papers before they were mailed, and found errors such as incorrect email addresses and misspelled names. For the 'final' visa paperwork, I also had them make me two copies of the forms - one to mail, the other to carry there on the plane just in case. Good thing, too - the papers didn't make it there until after he left the country with his visa - his family got them several weeks after! I know it seems overwhelming at first, and I wonder if your attitude that others perceive as uncaring is a mixture of not realizing how intense this whole thing is, and also skipping over many of the instructions because you're not 'there' yet. I was totally ####### about the visa paperwork, but lax about the AOS (the step that comes after the marriage, to get the 'green card'). I didn't realize how serious it was, and ended up having to submit more paperwork, which delayed things. I got back to being ####### about the 'removing conditions' part (part 3). You might also not realize how stressful this is because she's been here before. From the sounds of it, unless there's something else you haven't mentioned, your only potential roadblock will be proving your income. You need to be able to prove it through tax returns and/or paystubs, W2s or something like that. Or some people use co-sponsors to make up any shortfall. You can read and post to get more information about those two things. I will forewarn you - if you have trouble proving your income because all or most of it is "under the table" you'll be hard pressed to find any sympathy here. You'll find that the people on this forum tend to be sticklers for doing things legally. I'll assume that you just haven't filed taxes yet on what sounds like a relatively new job. In that case, maybe someone will know how to prove income without you having to wait to file taxes almost a year from now. Not sure - maybe have your employer (dad) write a contract or letter stating anticipated salary? Or use the co-sponsor route. Here's how I look at it. The paperwork itself is something you can do, and by reading through these forums and guidelines, you'll be able to figure out most or all of how to do it. The forms you can most likely do on your own. The lawyers are best, as someone else suggested, for complicated cases, or for clarification on some questions you might have. Honestly, the forms my lawyer "filled out" for me were all with the information I gave him (usually by writing in the answers on the form, and then having him just get it typed up). I would definitely recommend a lawyer for anyone who has a situation that they think might prevent them from getting the visa (like a past legal problem, for example). And definitely hire one if you see yourself getting into an area where your chances are looking bleak. But no matter what, make sure to be very thorough whether you do the paperwork, your fiancee does, or a lawyer does. Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-05-10 17:18:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	quick engagement?	QUOTE (chrisc85 @ Jul 6 2009, 05:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hey, I was worried that our situation might be considered a "quick engagment" and was wondering if it might cause any problems for us... Some of you might already know my story... I met my fiancee in Morocco while I was studying abroad last fall, we first met in October and we got engaged a couple weeks right before I left in mid December right before Christmas... so it was about 2 months of knowing each other before i proposed to her. we technically kind of had to get engaged quickly because in their culture parents shouldnt know of casual relationships, only when he proposes and it is serious enough for marriage. and of course there is no way her parents would have accepted if they hadnt met me first before my leaving. we both graduated college just this past semester and now im starting a full-time job. so obviously i havent been able to save the money to go back there again for another visit. its hard saving money for that especially in my situation. might that be a problem though? im gonna front-load the petition a lot and im writing a little extra for the "how we met" question. what does everyone think? That's not so unusual for Morocco. Our relationship also moved along very quickly, and we were in different countries except for visits. We were married about 8 months after our very first email. We've been married almost 2-1/2 years now. I really do urge you to look through the MENA forum. You'll hear about many couples with short courtships, and even couples who married on the first visit. That will ease your mind. You'll also get an idea about the difficulties that you could possibly face, going through Casa. The most important thing you'll get, though, is information about things to do, things to avoid, and ways to make it go as quickly and smoothly as possible. Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-07-07 13:34:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	File 129F while waiting for a divorce	I remember having to send my divorce decree with the packet. What I did was prepare everything else (including making copies of everything), and the day I got the decree, I added a copy of it and sent it out. Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-09-08 14:37:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Proof of Having Met in Last 2 Years and an Ongoing Relationship	After thinking about this for a few more minutes, I think I figured out that part of the problem is how different people here are defining the term "front loading". In my case, I took it to just mean sending as much as possible with the petition. I think others take it to mean sending a bunch of proof with the petition, but less for the interview. We sent everything we could - proof of relationship as well as proof of meeting in person - with the petition. Then he took everything we could come up with to the interview - mainly proof of ongoing relationship, since I didn't visit between sending the packet and his interview (I was going to visit, but his interview was sooner than we thought, so I changed my ticket to be there then, instead of a few weeks before). I even went along in case they wanted to talk to me (then, or in the days following - I've heard that happens sometimes), but just paced around outside for hours. MouadsWife had some VERY good points about RFE and providing (or not) enough proof of a genuine, ongoing relationship. And about doing what you feel is best/makes you comfortable. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-09-20 13:45:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Proof of Having Met in Last 2 Years and an Ongoing Relationship	Many people believe that the visa decision is more or less made before the interview (although it's not necessarily set in stone) - they DO look over everything beforehand. In that case, it seems front loading would really help - since that would be what they had to make their initial decision. Think about it - it's kind of like a job interview - you want to give the best possible FIRST impression to the person who makes such a big decision that will affect your future. The other thing is, front loading (in this case, as I understand it) doesn't mean not sending as much as possible to the interview as well. It's not either/or, and I would be willing to bet that most people who 'front load' also 'back load' - or whatever you want to call it. And yes, my SO did show her he had all of the information at the interview. She looked at some of it. No one can prove what helped or didn't, but the fact that we had none of the usual problems/delays, despite all of the reasons we COULD have/should have, might show the benefit of "doing it the way we did". And I don't think providing as much proof as possible at all steps of the process is anything at all like wearing chicken's feet or whatever. Our goal with the visa process IS to prove a legitimate relationship, and is nothing at all like superstition, voodoo, etc. And if wearing garlic or chicken feet makes someone feel better, so what? Doesn't hurt anything. I'm curious why someone would be opposed to what anyone else does in their journey, as long as it's legal and doesn't hurt anyone. Everyone reading about others' decisions has the choice about whether to do the same or not in their own case. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-09-20 13:30:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Proof of Having Met in Last 2 Years and an Ongoing Relationship	QUOTE (Gary and Alla @ Sep 20 2009, 06:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> In most fiancee visas there is little to "frontload" much of it (if not all) occuring before the couple even met in person. Then we have many months AFTER the petition is filed and any proof of relationship during that time is not possibly available to "frontload" . How does proof of a relationship which does not even qualify for a petition, assist with the issuance of a visa? There is no qualifying "relationship" TO prove until after the couple meets in person. Not everyone files immediately after first meeting in person. We had to wait just over 2 months. Some couples wait for many other reasons - some for many months, or even years. Also, some couples meet more than once, as we did. Even if we had filed after my first trip there, we had quite a bit to send by that time - pics, email, phone calls, etc. To us, meeting was just a continuation of a relationship that had already started. Some couples get engaged during the first meeting in person, so they'd have quite a bit to send. Some lucky people spend much more than a week or so on their first trips. QUOTE (Gary and Alla @ Sep 20 2009, 06:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That said, and with all this speak of front loading, is there any cases we know of here at VJ where front loading benefitted the issuance of a visa? I mean the theory is cast about often enough, though I begin to wonder if it isn't just one parroting another. "Frontloading...frontloading" "Must front load for difficult consulates" "Must frontload for maybe any consulate" Which is it? Who benefits? Who HAS benefitted? Cetainly there must be examples here. Someone who can say "Yeah, you bet, I would never have gotten my visa if I hadn't included those emails from BEFORE we filed the petition. They were about to deny us, no question, then we pointed out the emails and two photos from when we filed the petition and they changed their mind and gave us the visa!" Anyone? Someone? We didn't discover VJ until after we sent our packet, so we just did what we thought was best - never heard of "frontloading" at that time. There's no way to really know WHY it goes more smoothly for some couples than others, but we can all have our theories. Morocco is notorious for being a pain, and many couples get denied, or have to wait forever, or get 221g...whatever. The lady who interviewed my SO acted like there was NO WAY she was going to give him (or anyone else) the visa, but he got it a few days later. Not exactly sure what "did it" for us. All I can do is tell the facts in our case, and my theories about it. Facts: I am 11 years older, divorced, with 3 children, raised Catholic, didn't know any French or Arabic, and had some money from the divorce settlement (wasn't even working at the time). We met - online - only 4 months before sending our k-1 petition. I did go to see him twice in that time. I met him during my divorce, and sent the packet the day I got the divorce decree. So, basically, just about ALL of the red flags possible. Yes, the lady was practically interrogating him during his interview (while I paced around outside for hours). But he got the visa, and was here less than three months after I sent the petition. I hired a lawyer, thinking it was necessary. For the petition, we sent tons of photos, IM chats, email, phone records, boarding passes, etc. He also took several thick binders to his interview with more - and some of it might have hurt more than helped, I don't know - receipts from the laptop I bought him (so we could talk more often), evidence of sending him money through agencies, bank statements for the account I opened for him (gave him an ATM card - fewer fees, more convenient, faster, etc) - things that might have made it look like he was using me. We included receipts for and pictures of the engraved wedding bands we ordered between sending the petition and the interview date. And tons more pictures, etc. Both proof of meeting in person and of our ongoing relationship. Opinion: whether or not others agree, I strongly feel that all the things we provided in the k-1 packet and at the interview really helped us out. I'm not so sure about the lawyer - I think that was a waste of money. At the time we thought it would at least show that we were serious about the whole thing. I would say that it can't hurt if you can swing it financially, but I've heard of it slowing things down in some cases, and totally screwing things up in others. I think for straightforward cases, it's a bad idea. I really think that it helped that he remained calm during the interview and just kept answering the questions, even though some were asked repeatedly. We also made sure he was really prepared - well rested, we reviewed all the information he might need to know, etc. So, I can't say 100% that 'front-loading' was THE reason that we had such a quick and 'easy' time of the visa part of the process, but I really do think that it helped tremendously. If nothing else, sending all that you can might give you some peace of mind. I'd rather "waste my time" gathering and sending too much than worrying during the wait and/or kicking myself for not sending enough. But like all things, everyone has to make their own decisions. Best of luck to all during their journeys! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-09-20 11:22:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Easiest way to send money	QUOTE (Gary and Alla @ Sep 30 2009, 08:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (baron555 @ Sep 30 2009, 02:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I use iKobo. Works like a champ. I had heard they folded? Are they still in business? I looked into them at one time and it seemed interesting BUT We send money ebery month to our son in Moscow and my MIL in Ukraine. But when I checked on these, and seems like Walmart is kind of the same, the fees were running $6-10 on both ends combined for each transfer. Right now we pay $10 per transfer with MoneyGram (MUCH cheaper than WU, WU can kiss my @ss!!) And it didn't seem like it would save alot, especially if Sergey decides to take his monthly allowance in $10 increments or something! So I have stayed with the MoneyGram so far. It takes more than a savings of $4 to lure ME into Walmart, besides we are Walmart Poor in Vermont (only ONE in the state) so I would spend more in gas. The ATM worked for me for a time until my bank shut it down when they found out my fiancee was using it and she was not on the account, they were none too happy about that and if I had not been a longtime customer they probably would have launched me right out of there!!!!!!! So be careful if you are usingt an ATM for this. This technique is highly suspicious to US authorities and banks do NOT want to be involved with this. I am not saying you are a bad guy or something, but lots of bad guys do this to transfer money. Banks tend not to like it. Wow - never thought of it looking suspicious! We use USAA bank, and they had no problems with it. I even told them what I was doing. I was able to add his name to the account using his passport number even while he was still in Morocco. After he got here, he opened an account to send money to his family - their names aren't on it, he just sent a card. Maybe USAA is more flexible because more of their members are overseas and there are also more international relationships? venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-09-30 19:54:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	K-1 with a Caveat	QUOTE (Rhiann @ Dec 9 2009, 07:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (luv2uallday @ Dec 9 2009, 04:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (aydi @ Dec 9 2009, 05:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Regarding my age... I'm 21. I'm aware of the stereotypes of what I'm trying to do and taking that into consideration... I'd appreciate legitimate responses, but kindly save the obnoxious jabs. I'm asking for guidance, not ridicule. Hey, for your FYI what you are doing is ILLEGAL. you are an adult and she is an underage GIRL!! can't you figure that out? I got a great idea why dont you date someone of LEGAL age? or wait till she is of legal age? But maybe those are hard concepts for you. I don't know. Smells like a Troll You know, there's "legal age of marriage WITH parental consent". The fiancee's parents consented. So I don't see the problem here. If it's sex related, you may as well go have a ton of people arrested. I'm sure a fair share of people had sex before they were "adults" by legality. People are assuming that he's had sex with her already. It's none of OUR business if he has/is or not, but we shouldn't assume he has. Even if he has, and even if it's illegal, it's HER concern and HER PARENTS' concern, not ours. Oh, and his (if he got caught and prosecuted). It's quite possible he's waiting until it won't be an issue. Maybe that's one reason her parents consented, for all we know - that he is gentleman enough to wait. What all of them are or are not doing, and why, doesn't affect any of us (other than, for example, freaking me out as I realize how close my daughter is getting to the "age of consent"! I jokingly told her that her first date will be the day after my funeral). Trust me, the parent in me wants to rant as well, but there's also the part of me that remembers being 15/16..... venusfire Edited by venusfire503, 09 December 2009 - 08:12 PM.	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-12-09 20:10:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	K-1 with a Caveat	Hmmmm.... I would think you'd HAVE TO wait to apply until she's 16 or whatever the legal age is, since you both need to be free to legally marry at the time of application (unless I've forgotten a lot in the past few years - which is not impossible). Unless you find something on the website about the legal minimum age, I'd recommend calling USCIS directly. That's an interesting question - since each state sets their own 'legal' ages, what do they require on a federal level? Also, the legal ages in other countries might be different. I guess people would have to check if they were (or thought they might be) close to any 'cut off' ages. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-12-09 20:01:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	i wanna cancel the fiancee visa but its already at the embassy	I am not sure what you can do, but I would wait to find out from someone who knows. I don't think it's a good idea to just skip the interview. It might cause you problems if you later want to apply for another visa. If no one has better advice, I would recommend going to the interview and telling them that you and your fiance are having problems and you no longer want the visa. That's only if you don't find a way to do something about it before the interview date. Good luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2011-07-22 21:36:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	question about sponsorship	OP, the question of what to do since you haven't filed taxes is below. As someone else mentioned, you can have paystubs by the time of the interview, which is helpful. The first step for all of this is to try to relax. It's a long, challenging process, but you'll be fine. It seems a little overwhelming at first, but it will all start to make more sense as you go along. From what I've seen, Canada is one of the 'easier' countries for visas. I don't often hear about denials unless there's a reason (like someone I heard about who had been arrested for drugs and permanently banned from the US). Worst case scenario, if you 'mess up' paperwork, is they will write to ask you for new/corrected/additional information. The only exception to that is if someone lies. That's really the only way you can screw up and ruin things for good. Take a deep breath. And good luck! venusfire Like I said, you both fill in a I-134. Since you never worked, you were not required to file taxes. So instead of tax documents, you will send a one paragraph letter explaining why you didn't file (ie student, noit even a part-time job, no income, thus not required to file as per IRS guidelines)- make sure it includes your original signature.	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2011-12-31 22:26:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	So... my passport is about to expire	I suggest making copies (or scans if possible) of the important pages of the 'old' passport before sending it. You can never be too careful.... venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2012-01-05 19:12:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Can i start k1 without attorney?	Not knowing better (and not knowing about VJ at the time), I hired an attorney. Part of me thought it might've helped to show we were serious, but at the same time.... when I got the paperwork from them, I had to make corrections before sending it. The worst part of it was that I had printed out the forms and written in the answers for them! I recommend at least waiting - like someone else said, you can always get a lawyer later if you feel you need one. Of course, if there are any unusual issues, I would definitely suggest getting one. Otherwise, I would definitely say to try it on your own. Good luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2012-01-05 20:41:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Going to Visit...	There's no issue with you visiting him in Canada. The only time it could be an issue is when a non-US citizen wants to visit a fiance/fiancee in the US. They want to prevent people from coming here on a visitor's (or other visa) in order to avoid a fiance/fiancee or spousal visa. Now, if he comes here saying he wants to visit his fiancee on a visitor's visa, they might deny him entry, wondering if he's planning to marry you and stay to circumvent the visa process. Enjoy your trip! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2012-01-16 14:29:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	She is HERE and i need help!	If they didn't originally plan on marrying when she visited, they can get married and have her stay, apply for the green card, etc. and it's all legal. The only thing is, they will have to convince the interviewer that they didn't decide to do that before she got here. I've read of people who did that (decide to do it the legal way, just to clarify) with no problem, but there are others who got burned. My advice, for what it's worth is: if you did just decide ONCE SHE WAS HERE that you wanted to get married now, then make sure you figure out how to prove that. venusfire Edited by venusfire503, 12 January 2012 - 11:15 PM.	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2012-01-12 23:10:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	How long to wait before starting K-1 Visa process?	I think I know why they were wondering if they should wait. For some countries, not knowing each other "very long" can contribute to a denial. There's no hard and fast rule, though, and there are always exceptions. Morocco is a country that likes to deny visas for all sorts of reasons. We knew each other only 4 months when I sent the paperwork, and he was here less than 3 months after that. We were married approximately 8 months after the very first online contact. And that was despite all sorts of "red flags" (differences in age and religion, meeting online, the fact my divorce had just been finalized, etc). If we had been denied/delayed, I would've been kicking myself for not waiting. Being eligible to file and being likely to get approved are two different things. I think it's ok to file as soon as eligible as long as you do whatever you can to address anything (including length of relationship) that might be considered a cause for concern to those who make the decision to grant - or not grant - the visa. For example, number of days spent together in one country might be more important than how long it's been since you first started being a couple. Showing that both families accept the relationship might be something to really strengthen the application. I remember at least a few of my relatives writing (yes, at my request) that they were excited to have him join the family, and were looking forward to meeting him in person. I absolutely included those letters with our proof of relationship! best of luck to the OP venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2011-12-31 22:45:00
Middle East and North Africa	Transition time for kids	I also look at it this way. If I had fallen in love with a USC, I wouldn't have had him move in without meeting the children at least a few times first. With an international relationship, we don't always have the same options, so we work with what we have, and do what we can. I would've loved to take the children there to meet him before the visa, but that wasn't an option. Again, it all depends on the particulars of the situation. I'm also not saying it's impossible to have the SO move in right away and still have things work out ok. What I think we are all agreeing on is as long as the adults are the ones in charge, but the children are being considered, then that's what is best. Yes, moms are prone to sacrificing their own happiness for their children. We just have to make sure to keep it in balance. If I didn't care about my children, I probably would've just stayed in Morocco for all or most of the wait for the visa. If I only thought about my children, I probably wouldn't have gone to Morocco at all. So instead, I felt a little guilty when I did go there, and missed my kids, and cried sometimes. When I was here, I missed my SO and cried sometimes (especially when my kids weren't with me). Now I'm happy that we're all together. Best of luck to OP (and everyone else). This whole journey is difficult, and requires some creativity, patience, etc. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-01-22 19:28:00
Middle East and North Africa	Transition time for kids	Thank you all for your comments. Sundrop- I appreciate your thoughts and reflection on what my son may be thinking. You are right. He has been the "man" around here for a while..and I think you hit it on the nail with the idea that he may be protective of me and worried. This temporary living arrangement is just for sleeping. We plan to be involved in each other's life from the minute he steps off the plane. I plan to have him here; us going places; the whole 9-yards. I am trying to be sensitive to the feelings of my children (which all good parents SHOULD) while at the same time being sensitive to my new relationship and making a transition that works for us as a family. Baj Baj, You would know better than any of us what is best for you and your family. I personally see nothing wrong with sleeping in separate homes until marriage, especially when you're trying to teach certain things to a teenager! If I had the means, my SO would've stayed elsewhere before we married. Since it wasn't really practical, we made sure the children knew we were sleeping separately because that was important to us. I also think it's a wonderful idea to let the soon-to-be step-parent and child(ren) ease into the relationship. My older two had no problems, but my youngest was quite wary of this new man in the house - she was only 3 at the time. It broke his heart, but he took my advice to leave her alone. After maybe a week, SHE approached HIM, and she's been attached to him ever since. People should keep in mind that we don't really know anything about any of you. You didn't specify exactly WHY you two would sleep in separate residences, and only you need to know why. I didn't get the feeling that you were letting your son run your life. That could be - how would I know? But it is just as likely you want to do it for one or more other reasons. We also don't know how your SO feels about it, either. It's possible HE is in favor of not co-habitating - even if you didn't sleep in the same bed. We have no idea how conservative either of you are. Or, as someone mentioned, maybe your SO also wants time to ease into life with a 'new' teen, as well. I do agree that it's not a good idea to make arrangements to cater to a child. It's good to consider a child's feelings, but not to let them run your life. All of that being said, I wish you the best of luck. It's good that you're thinking ahead! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-01-21 22:50:00
Middle East and North Africa	Monday - GRR!!	Happy Moan-day! Hope you have a great day ! grrrrrrrrr I have to go to work today. COME ON 8pm .....I have a 'date' Jax He's here now? How did I miss that? Congratulations! I hope things are going wonderfully! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-01-26 12:59:00
Middle East and North Africa	The time has come!!	Well guys.. The end of our Fiance petition journey is at an end tomorrow.. I will pick up my fiance tomorrow night at 11 pm central time!! I can not believe its finally here.. 2 years and 8 months ago I met him and now we will finally finallyyyy be together!! Im sooo excited That's wonderful - congratulations! I wish you all the best! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-01-26 12:56:00
Middle East and North Africa	Once there here!	So Ladies....Please tell me once your husband has been here a year or so.....And they start to miss there momma and there family......Do they start getting a little crazy?....Now they don't like America or the people here?...... And there country is the best?........ Is this all husbands or just mine? .........Do I need to give him a pill to chill out? ......He is making me crazy.......I no longer can do anything right......And I know he feels alot of guilt, because mom crys on the phone every time they talk Cheryl, I hope things work out for the two of you. My husband adjusted pretty well, but there have been some rough times. I think being on webcam with his family often has really helped. We were also able to visit his family after he had been here for about 16 months, which might have helped. More because his mom seemed to think she'd never see him again or something, I think. I don't know if a trip back home is possible for your husband, but if it is, I'd at least consider it. It seemed like my husband actually got a bit crabby after we came back, for a little while, so be prepared for that possibility. Try not to take anything he says personally. I know I'd probably not react the best if I had to move to another country... I'm quite the homebody. I'm sure others will have much more helpful suggestions. I remember some, like to help him find friends and activities. I don't know his situation, but you can try to figure out what issues might be bothering him. Since he's been here more than a year, some of these might not apply, but some possible problems (not necessarily for your man) would be not knowing the area yet, not having a job, not having friends, not knowing anyone here 'like him', feeling like people look at him funny because he looks different, hearing about things he didn't hear about in his country (like the shootings that make national news, or local murders, etc - esp depending on where you live), having a wife who works (if that's not 'the norm' in his country), missing family, missing the closeness he's used to (my husband often remarks how people don't really know their neighbors), any difficulties due to language/religion/culture differences....I'm sure the list can go on. Most men don't like to talk about what's bothering them, so we have to try to figure it out, and then often have to figure out how to help them without them taking it the wrong way. If your husband is open to discussing it, wait until he's in the right mood, and ask him if there's anything bothering him. Let him know how much you love him, and ... whatever is appropriate in your situation. I had about a month back in 2008 where I had to basically ignore what my husband said when he was upset. It really helped when I realized that I just needed to leave him alone when he got in a certain mood (he'd clam up) instead of trying to talk to him right then (which only made things worse). Like I said, I'm sure others have helpful advice. Listen to what everyone has to say, think it over, and figure out what will work best in your situation. But most of all, give it time - it will likely get better. If it doesn't, definitely come back and ask again for advice. Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-01-22 20:00:00
Middle East and North Africa	bon voyage AbuS	I entered Morocco with my us passpost twice. I never had an issue. the only thing they want to see is La carte nationale which is the moroccan ID , if you don't have it you will be treated like any american and can't stay in morocco longer than 3months without extention also you have to register with local police. anyway Moroccan don't have to pay as I am hearing Tunisian do leaving(at least since last time I visited Morocco in summer 2006). SimoFati, Thank you so much for the info - good to know! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-02-27 10:27:00
Middle East and North Africa	bon voyage AbuS	Maybe those who have done this with all the different countries can let us know. I was wondering (of course) about Morocco.... venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-02-26 09:50:00
Middle East and North Africa	Thursday, 4 March, 2010	Hello everyone - I hope you're all happy and healthy today. I haven't been around much - still trying to adjust to a new schedule. I can't access a computer from work, and it seems my kids need the computer every night to get their homework done, so that really limits things for me. The wee ones are off school today and tomorrow for conferences, so I took the day off as well. So, I thought I'd check things out today since I actually can.... I have to somehow save up to get the kids a netbook or something, I think.... venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-03-04 08:25:00
Middle East and North Africa	Tips to help your SO adjust	This thread is why I wanted (request denied) a new forum section. There is the "moving here and your new life in America" forum, but I think the USCs could use a forum, too. One about what we should expect - even though it's less of an adjustment for us, our lives change, too. I think also putting in there things we can do to help the new immigrant would be good, too. We love them and want them to be happy - and helping them adjust can make it easier for us (and our children, for those who have them), too. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-09-19 22:42:00
Middle East and North Africa	Moroccan Passport Extension/Renewal	Well, my husband doesn't have a US passport, and hasn't even filed to remove conditions yet... I just want to make sure we take care of everything the right way. thanks venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-04-23 21:37:00
Middle East and North Africa	Moroccan Passport Extension/Renewal	Hi everyone I know I saw a different thread about this a while ago, but it didn't turn up on my search. So, is there a problem with NOT registering the marriage? How can we do that anyway? I think I read somewhere about how to do it, and why. And also why it might be a problem since we weren't married in a mosque or anything. My husband's passport expires in January, which I know is a little ways off, but... well, I just happened to remember about it for some reason. I know myself - if I don't take care of it now, I'll forget again until it's probably too late. Sigh Anyway, we would appreciate any information anyone can give us about this whole process. I hope we don't really have to drive the whole way to NY, but then again, I don't want his ID card to get 'lost'..... venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2009-04-23 21:17:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	I dont think she is trying to be a busybody, or stick her nose in anything. She seems to me to be a caring and empathetic person that is trying to help educate the teacher, (even thought it fell on deaf ears) the importance and the reasoning for the Dad requiring the child to wear hijab. The man wants his child to wear hijab, period. The child needs to wear hijab. The teacher should not have to enforce the dad's wishes nor should she encourage the child not to wear it. The child knows the consequences of not wearing it. I am sure the OP was also thinking about the child. I would worry that the child would be punished if caught not wearing the hijab. I know I would have been concerned just like the op. It's a good thing we have caring people in the world like the OP. Meriem Thank you, Meriem. I was going to check on this sooner, but there were some pressing family issues... Anyway, I do want to mention that I wasn't sticking my nose in. It's kind of funny, actually - no one here really knows me, but I'm actually a person who doesn't notice things (head in the clouds, to put it nicely ). What happened was that I was sent to that classroom to help out, and the teacher started telling me the story out of the blue. I never would have known the girl was supposed to have a headscarf on, because I didn't see it. I just told her what I knew about the religious implications, but left out how I don't think a teacher should tell her student to disobey her parent, because I couldn't think of a nice way to say it. And despite what anyone here thinks, that's exactly what she was doing - she told me that she purposely hid the child behind her back. And that she told the girl she could remove it, knowing full well that the father would not approve. I agree with those who mention how difficult it is to be a teacher. I think it's even harder to be a sub, because you don't even have a chance to get to know all the students' names or anything in one day. Trust me, I have endless sympathy for teachers! I personally don't 'get' why someone would make a 6 year old wear a headscarf, but that's the part that really IS none of my business. I know there's a full spectrum on this issue - from people who don't cover even their hair, to those I've seen who cover everything - even wear gloves to cover their hands. My daughter knows a girl who recently started covering her hair because she started her 'period', and that's when I thought most people started doing it, but at some schools I've noticed very young girls (even 5) with hijab. I don't have the right to tell anyone how to practice their religion, but I do have my own opinions - I just tend to keep them to myself. Either way, if I found myself in the position of that teacher, I would tell the student it's not my place to tell her if she should have it off or on, but I would remind her that her father wanted her to wear it and that she needs to discuss it with her father. If the father came to the school to talk to me about it, I'd let him know that I cannot force the girl to wear it, and do not want to get involved. I would also have a meeting with the principal to let her know about it. That's why I told the principal - if I was in charge somewhere, I'd want to know what was going on. And yes, I was concerned about the child. Not only could she get in trouble, but it would be confusing to her to hear different things from 2 adults. I was also concerned about the school - I've subbed there a few times, and generally like the people who work there. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-17 09:55:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	The thing is, the teacher IS telling the child to disobey her father (whether or not any of us agree with the father), and is also helping the child to hide that fact from her father. If you met her, you might feel differently. This is not a teacher who doesn't understand, or doesn't know. The teacher is purposely helping the child lie and deceive. If she doesn't want to be involved, she should tell the child to talk with her father about it - not tell her to do what she wants, and then cover it up. It would be different if the girl just took it off on her own - but she asks the teacher, who tells her to take it off (while knowing it's against the father's wishes). There are other students there who wear hijab, so it's not like she's the only one, or is looked at like she's different. It's an area where most people don't exactly have extra money for special schools, though, so a private school might not be an option for the family. No matter how anyone feels about it, I strongly object to teachers - or other adults - who encourage children to disobey their parents. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-01 18:03:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	Parents should be able to tell a six year old what to wear. Yes, they should. And parents have more right to do so than a teacher. Again, to me the worst part of this is that the teacher is teaching the child to disobey her father, and hide what she's doing from him. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-01 14:06:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	I thought (from my understanding) that covering the hair didn't come about until a girl reached puberty. If a girl wears one before this time, it's purely her choice so why the big deal if she takes it off? I thought that, too. In this case, though, the father specifically told her to wear it. The big deal, to me, is that the teacher is purposely and knowingly telling the girl to defy her father, and is going so far as to hide it from the father. The fact that she's also telling her to go against (her father's interpretation of) their religion makes it even worse. The teacher knows it upsets the father, knows why the father wants her to wear it, yet continues to tell the girl she can remove it. I think it's wrong on so many levels, and is going to create many problems. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-01 13:22:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	She told the girl that, yet is allowing her to take it off in the end? I don't understand. As an aside, I remember clearly getting in trouble for taking down my braids in 2nd grade, and that's way less important than this situation. No, she SHOULD have told her that, but didn't. And she told her that she could remove it, knowing that it was against the father's wishes. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-01 13:16:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	Oh, I don't think I mentioned this, but the teacher told me the girl asked her if she could take it off. The teacher should have said "your father wants you to keep it on. You can talk with him about it" instead of telling her yes. That might make a difference to some people's opinion. It's kind of like "when daddy says no, ask mommy". venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-01 12:46:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	Wearing hijab shouldnt be forced. If the young girl takes it off, I think that is her personal choice. If she knows their will be repercussions at home if she removes it, and she still chooses to do it, Its her fault, not the teachers. A teacher should not encourage a 6 year old to defy her father, much less cover it up when she does. If the girl uncovers at home, then that's her choice, and she can deal with her father. A teacher should NEVER undermine parental authority. I'm not a Muslim, but I am a parent. And a teacher. The teacher should quietly remind the child that her father told both of them that the girl is supposed to be wearing it, and then let it go. She should not be hiding the girl behind her, though. Would you have the same opinion if a teacher allowed a teenage girl to remove an article of clothing that her parents told her to keep on? Like when girls layer clothing, as my teenage daughter does? What if the teacher was allowing a student to engage in some other behavior that a parent didn't allow? If I ever found out that a teacher was covering up and encouraging behavior that I don't allow for my children, there would be some big problems for the teacher as well as the school district. The teacher has no right to impose her values on a student. Parents DO have a right to teach their morals to their children. A six year old is not old enough to make decisions like that. That's why she has parents. It's also why children under 18 have to be legally emancipated from their parents if there is a reason - it's not something that can be done lightly or automatically. venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-01 12:40:00
Middle East and North Africa	have to complain	Ok, I just have to complain about this.... I'm a sub, and one day I was at a school and one of the regular teachers was telling me about how she allows a girl in her class to remove her hijab. She didn't seem to understand why the girl's father got upset about it, so I explained it to her - that it's part of their religion, and that it's considered indecent for her to take it off in public (yes, I know that's not true of all Muslims, but obviously is in this case). She told me the father showed up in the class one day and got angry about it, so the next time he showed up, she had the girl (1st grader) hide behind her until she put it back on. I told her that could cause problems for the school. She thanked me for the information. I went to the school another time, and saw the same girl without her head scarf. I had a private conversation with the principal - without mentioning any names, just the situation. She knew exactly who I was talking about, though. I explained to her as well the importance of not allowing the child to remove it, and she seemed to get it. Well, I went there again recently, and the same first grader is still running around with nothing on her head. I even saw the scarf on the floor! Now, not only does this show total lack of regard for the religion, but it also is teaching this young girl that it's just fine to disobey her father. Especially since it's the school who is allowing and encouraging this behavior! I imagine this will eventually cause some major problems. Can you believe that they allow this to go on? Again, it's a slap in the face to religion, but they're also undermining parental authority... and probably confusing the poor kid as well....	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-01 11:10:00
Middle East and North Africa	EVIDENCE	This might sound weird, but... if your main contact is text messaging, start taking pictures of the messages on your phone before you delete them. It might take several pictures to show the whole message, who sent it and when... Best of luck! venusfire	venusfire503	Female	Morocco	2010-05-15 20:52:00