ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North Africadealing with a vindictive ex
QUOTE (Aymsgirl @ Oct 17 2009, 04:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Kids are very smart. Mine are almost 12 and 10 and they are now realizing who takes care of them and provides for their needs. They also know who comes through when they always need something. Just recently have I said do you see why you live with Mom? I had this discussion with my almsot 12 year old daughter when her father knew for almost 4 weeks that she needed 36.50 his half of her overnight camping trip for history class and he showed up and threw 12 bucks at me and said I will owe you. LOL...yeah, just like everything else I'll put it on your IOU list. She's old enough to see with her own eyes and see his games he plays now. It sounds like yours are still young and he is messing with their little minds. Just keep being a good mom and one day they will realize it on their own.



Aymsgirl,

Thank you for the encouragement. Well, the youngest really loves both parents and step-parents. The middle one, my son, loves my husband more than anyone in the world, although it seems I now tie for first place. He loves his stepmother, and his dad, too. The oldest loves all four of us, but was always kind of daddy's girl, although that seems to be changing. Her relationship with her stepfather is back and forth (considering what happened last year, though, I'm happy they get along at all), but ok over all.

The main thing is the stress all this legal BS is causing (my husband must really love me to put up with it all - but I can see it's affecting him, and I don't like that), plus the fact that I'm worried about running out of money and losing my kids and/or my house. I hate conflict, and this makes peace difficult to find. I'm praying this doesn't affect anyone's health permanently, and also that it doesn't affect my marriage any more than it already has. Also, I've always been ridiculously careful about money - not just saving more and spending less, but also making sure to do things right (pay off debt, keep a good credit record, put money away for retirement). I don't like expensive, fancy, flashy things, and don't really even leave the house much. But this is wiping me out financially with tens of thousands in legal fees (it's a good thing I've been good with money, or I would've been broke and homeless by now - or just would never see my kids).

I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with ####### too. Why can some people be so mean? I can't imagine just messing with people - especially for no real reason. I mean, my ex was SO rotten to me during the marriage, but I wouldn't dream of retaliating for it - it's the past, and I'm just happy to be out of that situation. I definitely wouldn't use my kids - for ANY reason. I've been writing down all the ###### he pulls, and hope it works against him. For one example, he refuses to give me the kids' insurance cards - or even a photocopy of them - even though I've asked him several times. It's not like he just forgets - I could understand that - he tells me just to give his name if I have to take the kids for anything medical, and they'll look it up.

Sigh
venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-10-17 16:57:00
Middle East and North Africadealing with a vindictive ex
QUOTE (New Beginnings @ Oct 17 2009, 04:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This may not work at all but what about trying to get a mediator for the whole family or family counseling, him and his wife and you and your husband. Get all of you in the same place and try to work out whatever underlying issue is there.. He's obviously holding on to something and who knows, maybe that could help!



New Beginnings,

I did try to get him to agree for the two of us to get something like that - some sort of neutral third party - last summer. He was not interested. Then again, we went to marriage counseling off and on for 5 years, and that never got anywhere.

I hope the court orders co-parenting therapy or something like that. For one thing, he thinks co-parenting = "I do what he says".

He's really horrible. The stuff I heard from the kids that I KNOW he said to/around them.... Once, my daughter said something to me, and the following day, my ex used the exact same phrase in an email he sent to me (it was about how many days I had spent in Morocco). Another time, one of the kid's teachers told me that he said something to her (about what I fed them), and it was exactly what my daughter had said to me the night before - right after spending time with her father. Other times, the kids will just come straight out and tell me that he's said things - and I don't ask them, either (and I try not to react - just change the subject after saying "well, that's not true"). While we were still married, he said all types of things to me - that there was something wrong with me and I should "get help", he claimed that I was in poor health - talked me into getting tested for diabetes (I'm actually very healthy, although I could lose a few pounds). Oh - he told the kids I was in the hospital and needed surgery because I didn't take care of myself - I had an appendectomy, which has nothing to do with how you take care of yourself! mad.gif

Anyway, sorry to ramble on - I'm just so IRRITATED with him, and the closer it gets to the court date, the more irritated I get.

On top of it all, I know he is teaching the kids bad things. He's one of those people who will do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and doesn't care who it hurts, if it's moral or legal, etc. I don't think he's the best influence on them, so I guess it's good that he always shoves them off onto babysitters or their friends' families - or has playdates at his house, knowing they'll more or less be out of the way.

I'm so happy that he hasn't managed to turn them against me and my husband, at least. They know we really love them.

I think the teachers, doctors, etc see through him too.

Anyway, I appreciate the help and support everyone!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-10-17 15:38:00
Middle East and North Africadealing with a vindictive ex
QUOTE (Christi and Ian @ Oct 17 2009, 01:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can you file for full custody of the children? Obviously ignoring him isn't working. If you bite back, perhaps he'll go back to his corner. Or perhaps you can file some sort of harassment lawsuit? It seems logical, especially if you've been exonerated of all of the allegations against you.

Or there's always gas money and a shovel...(just kidding!)



The thing is, he's the one who already filed for primary custody. My lawyer said I could file against him after our court case if things don't go well, but I'd have to have a 'good' reason that didn't come up in court.

Oh, if I was an atheist who thought I wouldn't get caught... well, even then, I wouldn't want to put my kids through that.... innocent.gif

If I had known he was going to be like this, I would've filed for full custody first. Instead, I thought I'd let things go as they were originally set up - with me having 60% custody (since my schedule allows more availability). I thought he'd be ok with it, since he was fine with it for a few years, and since the custody schedule was originally set up to accommodate his work schedule. That's the real kicker - he filed for primary custody, even though his work schedule would require him to get his wife or a babysitter to watch them if they spent any more time at his house. On the other hand, I'm always here when my kids are. Plus, if he was really interested in more time with them, why doesn't he show up earlier than he does? He COULD come right after work to get them those days, but he goes home and relaxes first. Also, I've always said "yes" when he wants to see them on holidays - but he never wants them more than 2 hours. I even suggested last summer that he take them a little longer because it was so hot and he has an inground pool, and all we had for them was a little kiddie pool and a hose.... but he brought them back right away. Oh, also - he doesn't always ask to see them for holidays or birthdays anymore. I even suggested in the past that he could pick up just the oldest (who occasionally wants to get away from her younger siblings) for lunch or something when they're with me on the weekend, but he hasn't done it even ONE TIME.

I'm firmly convinced that he's doing it to lower his child support payments. My lawyer said if he even gets one more night (50%), then it would go down quite a bit. As it is, he's already getting credit for extra days - he picks them up at 7 in the evening, keeps them for a day, then drops them off early the next morning. They count where the kids sleep at night, so he gets two nights for having them one day. Many non-custodial parents just get them one evening in between weekends, and don't save on child support for doing so. If I was an a-hole, I would've argued against it - him only having them 2 to 4 nights every two weeks instead of 6 would've given me much more child support (oh, and my first lawyer even pointed out that the amount he offered and I accepted was lower than the law allowed even then) - but again, I'm happy to get just enough to get by - I'm not greedy. If I could get a really good job, I'd honestly tell him to shove his money, and put anything he did give me into accounts for the kids. I just don't see the point of them being with their stepmother or a babysitter when I'm available. I'm not trying to deny him time with the kids. Like I said, I could've fought against them spending ANY weekday nights with him, and maybe even could've insisted they spend Friday nights with me - then he'd be down to ONE night every two weeks.

GRRRR.... even though I have a decent shot of doing well in court, I'm really running out of money and I've heard of women losing custody just because they run out of money to pay their lawyers to fight to keep their kids.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-10-17 13:37:00
Middle East and North Africadealing with a vindictive ex
I'm not sure what happened.

My marriage (past one, not current one) was not good. When he filed for divorce, though, it seemed like things were going along just fine. I even joked that we were better at divorce than at marriage! I know part of it was the total relief of no longer trying to keep together a dead relationship. Someone I met recently met my ex before, and commented how she couldn't believe that we had been married in the past because we were SO different. It's true - we were very mis-matched, and it just got worse and worse over the years (almost 19).

Anyway, over time our "good divorce" has gotten really bad. I do my best to just ignore him - and I even saw an article once about things that people sometimes do that inadvertently cause extra problems in a divorce situation. I do my best to keep things as cordial as possible, but somehow it's just not working anymore.

My ex is the one who filed for divorce - and it's not like I was cheating or anything - we just weren't happy together. He started dating before I did, although I did get married first. He's married now, though.

I was a stay at home mom for many years, and have slowly been getting on my feet. He's a successful business owner, so my settlement has carried me through so far (my income isn't very high right now - since I was not working for so long, I had to start all over, but with three kids - and a husband who is also more or less starting over in a new country). I purposely told my lawyer from the beginning that I did NOT want to go for as much money as I very likely could have gotten - I was happy enough with what I was offered, and didn't want to drag things out and/or create tension. She kept trying to get me to change my mind, so I fired her and got a new lawyer.

I know my ex isn't happy about having to give me money every month (the reason it's not just child support is that I knew he couldn't give me a lump sum, and came up with the idea of payments over time instead of him having to go into debt out the butt and pay tons of interest on loans) - it easily could have been MUCH more if I was greedy. The amount will go down next year, too. I don't expect him to thank me for taking it easier on him or anything, but I think I deserve some amount of respect for helping him become so successful, giving up a good job to take care of the children (which I loved doing, don't get me wrong - but I felt like a single mother much of the time since he was always so busy and unavailable), and then taking only as much of the marital assets as I really needed to stay in this (expensive) area while getting back into the workforce. Trust me, I'm happy I can pay my bills, but it's not like I'm living the rich life (my house is about half the size of his, for example - and cost less than half as much) - which is fine with me. My car is 10 years old, and I can't afford to get another one. I'm content to live the way I do while I build my resume more. My kids have food and clothes, and are happy.

I also know it bothers him that I've moved on and am happy now - but he has moved on as well.

Why can't he just leave me alone? I've figured out how to just ignore him and pretend I didn't hear all the nasty comments he makes to my face, not respond to nastiness in email, and put things as neutrally as I can myself.

People say to just ignore him, but I can't. It's impossible to ignore CPS investigating you because your ex decided to file false abuse allegations against you and your husband (we of course were cleared, but it was a huge, heartbreaking, expensive disruption in our lives, and it really affected the kids). It's impossible to ignore letters sent through lawyers alleging that you're a horrible mother who doesn't take care of your kids. It's impossible to ignore the time, stress, and expense (emotional as well as financial) of having to defend your right to spend time with your kids when your ex tries to take the kids through an emergency custody petition (he failed, thank God - the judge saw there was no basis for the petition) and then tries again for 'regular' custody. Right now, we're scheduled to go to court in a few weeks, and I'm nervously waiting to find out how much more money my lawyer needs beforehand - and hoping I have enough left in my savings account.

How can I make this end? I mean, short of him getting hit by a truck someday, is this just going to go on and on until the youngest turns 18? Is there anything I can do? I've been trying to research this, but no one has been able to give me any answers.

I know I'm not perfect, but I really am doing my best to be a nice person, and avoid all this hassle. I try to be an upbeat person, but the stress of this (everything else in my life is anywhere from 'ok' to "really wonderful" - which I'm thankful for) just gets to me - and is affecting me and my husband (he hates to see me unhappy - plus my ex is a total jerk to him).

The only thing I know I'm doing to bother him is to be happy without him.

Please, don't make this one of those notorious OT-type threads - I really want to get helpful advice - not bashed.

I was thinking maybe someone would have suggestions. It would be great if my ex and I could just have a civil discussion, and I could find out if I'm doing something that is causing all his venom toward me, but I don't see that happening. I even suggested to him last year that we go to some kind of mediator or something, but he wasn't interested.

venusfire



venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-10-17 12:41:00
Middle East and North AfricaPlease Pray for my best friend
rose.gif

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-10-17 16:24:00
Middle East and North Africato everyone who waiting after done the interview
Very nice - maybe others will find the information helpful.

I hope things go quickly for you now.

Good luck!

venusfire



venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-11-13 12:07:00
Middle East and North AfricaK1
QUOTE (mike001 @ Dec 5 2009, 10:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (venusfire503 @ Dec 5 2009, 10:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (mike001 @ Dec 5 2009, 09:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Bijad and Teresa @ Dec 5 2009, 09:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are Moroccan? Did you come here on a K1 with an American woman and recently got divorced?

if i came on a k1, i'm gonna know the procedure? and i don't have to ask.if you can't help be quite



He or she was asking because if you did come here on a K1, married a USC, then divorced her and went back to Morocco to marry a Moroccan woman, it will raise suspicions. The shorter the previous marriage (esp if the divorce came soon after citizenship), the harder it will be to get a visa for your fiancee. That's not anyone here being judgemental, it's reality. We need information so we can give you the best advice.

Relax - if people here had a problem with people from other countries, they wouldn't be on this forum. And the person you're being nasty to is either Moroccan, or married to one.

Peace

venusfire

i came here with a tourist visa . i met my wife we got married.and we've been married for seven years and three month. we've been seperated for 1 year separation , i got my citizenchip 2 years ago



Then it shouldn't be an issue. I hope your fiancee gets one of the nicer ones for her interview! Best of luck.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-05 23:14:00
Middle East and North AfricaK1
QUOTE (mike001 @ Dec 5 2009, 09:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Bijad and Teresa @ Dec 5 2009, 09:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are Moroccan? Did you come here on a K1 with an American woman and recently got divorced?

if i came on a k1, i'm gonna know the procedure? and i don't have to ask.if you can't help be quite



He or she was asking because if you did come here on a K1, married a USC, then divorced her and went back to Morocco to marry a Moroccan woman, it will raise suspicions. The shorter the previous marriage (esp if the divorce came soon after citizenship), the harder it will be to get a visa for your fiancee. That's not anyone here being judgemental, it's reality. We need information so we can give you the best advice.

Relax - if people here had a problem with people from other countries, they wouldn't be on this forum. And the person you're being nasty to is either Moroccan, or married to one.

Peace

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-05 22:14:00
Middle East and North AfricaWalked out empty handed
QUOTE (Paris Heart @ Nov 7 2009, 02:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (anitacastillo @ Nov 7 2009, 12:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Paris Heart @ Nov 7 2009, 08:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
All I can say is I know your right.Im tired of being the whipping girl cause something does not go right or as thought.
I dont control USCIS , but yet he thru it all back in my face when we left interview with no approval or even a denial.
Now I wonder, what was the past 3 years for? Why this journey? Looks like I keep meeting the same kind of man over and over.
Love ya all, and thank you!! xoxoxo


Have you considered speaking with a therapist about this?


I'm really sorry about the situation. Its better to have "lost" 3 years, then have 10+ years of pain and debt.

((Paris Heart))



Therapist? Great, now I need help? Forget it, some are not meant to have families, Im one of them.
Im a good person, always counted on to make and do the right things, Im tired of being counted on. Im a good person, too big hearted, hard worker, worked for all I have in this world, nobody gave me anything, just heartche.
All in all, bottom line, if you love a person, you dont shut them out, you communicate one way or another, in good and bad. You dont hurt a person on purpose just to show a superior statue. Im human, Im not perfect, but I never hurt a person to "teach them a lesson" especially on matters of the heart. Im through, Im tired, beat up mentally, I just want to know there is kindness, and respect, and honestly between men and woman who truly love each other.


I don't think she was trying to be mean - just that when someone keeps doing something a certain way, and ends up (which is sounds like you think you're doing - keep meeting the same kind of man over and over) with less than desirable results, having someone neutral on the outside to help you find a different way to do things (and therefore get better results) might make life easier. It doesn't have to be that you only have 2 choices: 1 - keep finding the 'wrong' men or 2 - be alone. Maybe someone can help you figure out something different: 3 - find a good man and be in a relationship that is happy and healthy. Needing some guidance doesn't make anyone 'bad' or 'weak' or anything like that.

Or, if this was just a one time thing and the relationship can and should be saved, maybe it's not such a bad idea to get some advice to make sure that it STAYS a one time thing, and that the relationship doesn't become one that shouldn't be saved.

Relationships aren't easy, and I don't know if anyone can do it alone. Think about how many break ups and divorces there are, and how many people do seek counseling (not just here or in a therapist's office).

Whatever you decide to do, I hope things work out for you.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-11-08 11:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaAre you using me for a greencard?
My opinion, since it's been asked...

Love alone will not guarantee the success of a relationship.

A relationship without love is almost definitely doomed.

I think love is vital, but not the sole factor.

And it's very important that love comes from both sides. Commitment has to be at least somewhat equal on both parts, also.

I kind of think that commitment, to a small degree, might compensate for (some of the) love. I'm not sure of that, though.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-09 22:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaConverting to Islam
QUOTE (Sofiyya @ Dec 5 2009, 11:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
PS - It's disingenuous to say that those in an "organized" religion believe in everything that religion dictates. That's often not the case, as there are pro-abortion Catholics and gay rights Muslims, etc.. I'm sure, after all the disagreements I've had on this board with other Muslims arguing the "mainstream Muslim" position on issues as opposed to mine, that I have the creds to make that claim tongue.gif

Faith is about believing in something you can't see, touch or prove, and there is most likely going to be some discomfort in accessing beliefs that aren't entirely your own to also accept those in the faith which you do accept unconditionally. At this time in history, Muslims, in particular, are having to grapple with debatable attitudes and beliefs toward other faiths that some Muslims accept as binding on us all. This is exposing the chasms that the lack of a central authority in Islam has allowed. Who speaks for Islam? is a central question today because no one really does other than Allah, and we have given ourselves permission to pick and chose what we accept from His Message.

I know no Muslims who believe as the Taliban do that all remnants of other faiths must be erased from their proximity. Unlike Al Qaida, I know few who believe that all non-Muslims and less militant Muslims must be eliminated from Earth so that a "pure" Calipate can rule. Most Muslims I know don't want to oppress women in the way tribal interpretations of God's Will do. So, in that way, Muslim are obliged to pick and choose in regards to what Allah intends for us.



There's a big difference between accepting the religion you 'inherit' and making a decision to 'adopt' one (either because you weren't 'given' one, or because you decided to convert - for whatever reason). I think that people who 'chose' their religion would more strictly adhere to it than those who don't. Some people do make the decision to REALLY accept the one they're 'given', while others (me in the past) just follow what they were taught. And of course, some choose a different religion - or none at all.

I'm not claiming that anyone does (or even possibly can) completely follow a religion. I don't know if it's even possible. My understanding is that we're just supposed to continually improve and strive for 'perfection' of belief, thought, and action.

I'm just saying that I'm not going to convert to a religion unless I really believe it's the "right" one... "true" one? Not sure the exact word I want here. If you join a club, then decide you don't like it or don't agree with what they do, you quit. Joining a religion is SO much more than that. I haven't received some type of heavenly sign that tells me I should believe in anything in particular. I'm not being flippant - I just sometimes have difficulty finding the right way to phrase things. Sorry if I'm coming off the wrong way to anyone.

Now, as far as the religion I was born and baptized into... nothing against it. I'm not completely convinced, though. I wonder which parts of it came from God, and which parts came from the humans 'in charge'. I want to follow God's Way, not somebody else's interpretation of it. Maybe it's just my personality or something. I think if others are happy with their religion, then that's wonderful. I hope some day I will receive some sort of divine message that will guide me. For now, I'll do my best, and live my life the best way I can.

Even if I don't identify with a religion, I still have faith. Just believing in God is faith.

Also, it's the contention of some of those in the 'higher' positions in some religions that people need to follow some of the most central parts of that religion to consider themselves part of the religion. An example - the saying "You can't be Catholic and Pro-Abortion". I don't know if anyone is ever excommunicated anymore or not. I don't think someone should consider themselves part of a religion if they don't really believe that some of the most central beliefs of that religion are things they have to follow/believe in. I don't mean that we can't be imperfect humans - like I said, none of us can follow anything 100%. But to say, for example, "I'm Catholic" while thinking that there's no reason not to cheat on your spouse is illogical. I think if you're a Catholic who cheats on his or her spouse, you need to try to repent and change that behavior, not think it's ok to continue it. It is one of the Ten Commandments, after all.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-05 23:12:00
Middle East and North AfricaConverting to Islam
QUOTE (Sofiyya @ Dec 2 2009, 05:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thx, Jenn! I'd say that the reason for following God is accountability. What comes to my mind when someone wants to avoid organized religion is that they are seeking to avoid accountability and decide for themselves what God wants of us. I'm not knocking it as a way to work thru doubts, I just see it as a bit self-absorbed and narcissitic if it never moves beyond that. I could be wrong, afterall, I follow a religion that's not exactly what many would call organized lol.



Or perhaps, as in my case, we're not convinced that anyone else knows exactly what those rules are... It seems to me that most religions follow what someone in the past interpreted the rules to be. Even within each religion (from what I know), it seems there is debate about exactly what those rules are. What bothers me quite a bit is when people claim that the ONLY way to salvation is to follow what they believe. I honestly can't believe that God would decide that only people who decided to follow a certain religion would be 'saved' from eternal damnation. I refuse to blindly live my life a certain way because some human somewhere said I should. As far as what God wants, how do ANY of us really know? Not to knock anyone's beliefs, but we are all going by what we were told is 'right'. Some do it just because they were told, some feel in their hearts that what they heard is right. However, can SO many of us (humans) be wrong? What about people who felt in their hearts that something was right, and later decided that something different was right?

I don't live my life the way I do (without attaching myself to a certain religion) because I want to avoid accountability. I do my best to treat everyone with respect and understanding, help others, etc. I just am not convinced that any of the people who preach any of the religions are the absolute authority and are 100% accurate. Think of the whispering game many of us played as children. If I am ever convinced, I will follow what I hear. In the mean time, I am accountable to my children, my husband, my self, and what I feel is God's Will (not in that order).

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-03 14:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaConverting to Islam
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Dec 2 2009, 08:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is an honest question because I'm curious about those of you who convert. If you feel that the religion you were raised with doesn't fit, why the urge to find another religion? Why not just believe what you believe and conduct your own relationship with God?



Jenn,

First of all, I hope I don't offend anyone with anything I have to say - it's not my intent.

I think that's an interesting question. I can understand the desire to identify with a religion, even though I don't. I don't have any desire to follow the Catholic religion I was "born into", or to convert, either.

I am doing what you suggested - I believe what I believe and have my own relationship with God. I follow many Christian traditions, partly out of habit, partly for the sake of my children (who have been doing them all their lives). I have also adopted many of my husband's 'habits' - not drinking, (usually) not eating pork, etc. I do Ramadan with him, too. I don't consider myself, from a religious perspective, to be anything other than a believer of God.

My thought on it is that if I was born into the religion, I can more or less choose how strictly I want to follow it. If I convert to a religion, I would feel obligated to be as strict as possible, since it would be my choice to convert. Does that make sense?

I love what someone posted - think about whether or not you'd follow the religion without your SO. That's one thing I thought about - if something happened to my husband, I can't imagine I'd keep doing Ramadan, for example. So, even though it would be 'easier' and more convenient to label myself as a follower of a specific religion, I just don't feel like I 'belong' to any particular one. Part of me envies people who do.

I hope everyone finds peace and happiness.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-03 13:53:00
Middle East and North AfricaMustard!
Not to be a bummer, but doesn't Grey Poupon (and other dijon mustards) contain wine? If your MENA SO is ok with that, then fine. But maybe they'd want to know, to make their own decision about it. I mean, who would think mustard might contain alcohol?

OP - Good luck finding the mustard you're looking for!

venusfire



venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-18 18:59:00
Middle East and North AfricaLosing friends because of marriage choice
Interesting thread. I have a few thoughts/comments.

1 - my brother was upset about my fiance visa application because he needs background checks and stuff, and said something about my SO's presence in my life possibly affecting his promotion in the military. I went ahead with my own life anyway. My brother got promoted (he's now a Major), and recently came back from a year in Afghanistan. He liked my husband before he left, but after he spent a few weeks in Afghanistan, he really got closer to my husband, and (never thought I'd hear this from him) expressed appreciation for Muslims. He calls him "brother", and seems to like to talk with him more than me sometimes!

2 - I have a friend I've kept in touch with for about 25 years. She lives a few hours away, so it's mainly been a mail/email/phone kind of friendship. She didn't seem very happy when I told her I was going to be marrying someone from another country. When I mentioned stopping to visit her when I was in the area, there was always some reason she couldn't meet. So one day (and I'm not necessarily recommending this to anyone), we decided to stop without warning. When she came to the door, I thought she was going to faint, but she was too polite not to invite us in. After talking with both of us for a little while, she relaxed, and really learned to like my husband. We actually seem to keep in touch more now than before, and have gotten closer (more 'deep' conversations).

3 - Of course, there are the people who have dropped out of my life. Honestly, I don't know which ones are because of prejudice, and which ones I lost because of the divorce I went through (I met my MENA man in the middle of the whole mess - poor guy!). I'm sure there are some I 'lost' because of both reasons. I don't have many people to talk with, but we're both meeting some people recently.

I feel more sorry for my husband than I do for myself. I don't really care much if people stop talking with me for such a stupid reason, and like someone else said - they're not real friends if they do that anyway. But I know it bothers him when people dislike him because of the Arab/Africa/Muslim aspects. I really want to punch people for that - I HATE when people upset people I love.... and he's such a sweet, sensitive person, too. He's the kind of guy who will give you the shirt off his back, and anyone who takes the time to talk with him likes him. I sometimes feel guilty for bringing him here since he has to deal with it. He says he's happy, though, and I know he generally is.

Best wishes for everyone....

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-30 00:27:00
Middle East and North AfricaVISA APPROVED!!!
That's wonderful!

Congratulations!

venusfire

venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-30 00:02:00
Middle East and North AfricaIntroduction
Hi everyone! I don't know if people here know me much or not. I tend to hang out on VJ for hours on end, and then don't even log on for a while... depends on what's going on in my life.

I met my sweetie on MySpace during my divorce, back in May 2006. We got married soon after he got here from Morocco, which was Dec. 2006. We just sent the ROC paperwork on May 1 (of this year). There was alot going on in between all of that. There have been a few tough things - some within the relationship (adjusting), and some from outside (friends, family, society) - sounds like many of you know what I mean. Things are wonderful between us now, and we basically don't deal with people who "have problems" with us. Other than the ####### with my ex.... sigh...

I find it interesting that even though we have so many differences (age, religion, background, etc), the biggest obstacles we've faced are external. The biggest adjustment we've had within our relationship was more a male/female thing than anything else - I had to learn to leave him alone when he's upset instead of trying to 'fix' the problem. Once he has a chance to be alone and think for a little, he comes to me and then we talk. It's worked wonderfully, even with all the other ####### that is around us (like my ex trying to take my kids away from me). Someone here once posted that things got wonderful after a tough adjustment period, and that really gave me hope - and it also turned out the same for me!

I try to help and encourage people whenever I am on VJ. I wish I could be here more often, but between dealing with my ex and looking for a job, I just don't always find the time. I appreciate all the advice and moral support I've received over the years.

Best of luck to all!

venusfire

Edited by venusfire503, 13 August 2009 - 12:41 PM.

venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-08-13 12:39:00
Middle East and North AfricaWednesday January 6th, 2010
Hi everyone! Hope everyone is happy and healthy.

venusfire503
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-06 21:10:00
Middle East and North Africarenewing a Moroccan passport

Ask him I am pretty sure he has a Moroccan birth certificate on him. If he has a family book he can use that to get a birth certificate from the consulate. Other wise he can always ask someone to send him one from Morocco.
I think one trip should be enough for him. However, It is a good idea to plan for it to be for 2 days or more.
Good luck



His birth certificate expired back in 2006 - three months after he got it. It would be nice if he could get a new one here instead of having to ask someone in Morocco to go traveling around to get one, get it translated, etc. He never got his own family book - just his parents' book in Morocco.

Sigh. Ok, it seems once he gets his translated birth certificate from Morocco, he can head up there with it, his passport, and his ID card. Once there, he can register and get his Consular Card, and file the passport (extension or renewal) paperwork for his expired passport. If he is comfortable leaving it there, we can just give them a return (FedEx?) envelope. If not, maybe ask them to call us to pick it up when it's ready?

:blink:

Does that sound right?

venusfire503
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-06 21:04:00
Middle East and North Africarenewing a Moroccan passport
Well, one thing to be happy about - I found his ID card, and it turns out it doesn't expire for several years. One less thing to do!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-05 23:30:00
Middle East and North Africarenewing a Moroccan passport

You are welcome. When I renewed my passport it was 5 months before expiration date. He will need his birth certificate, and he will have to apply for a new Moroccan ID. I wont worry much about him getting a new passport after old one is expired. They will have to give him one, or in case of emergency a Laisser Passer (Travel document).

Good luck


MoroccanInTexas,

Again, thank you! Is there any way he can get his birth certificate, and renew his ID in NY? I guess those are the first steps, along with registering to get his Consular Card. It seems we might have to make more than one trip up there, then.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-05 14:31:00
Middle East and North Africarenewing a Moroccan passport

Correction starting 04/01/2010 Morocco will give emergency digital passport
For normal digital passport started on 12/15/2009 and the person needs to have a national ID, regeistred with the consulate, and present in person to apply for one.

Good luck



Thank you, MoroccanInTexas! I will have him look at that link (my French and Arabic aren't that good yet). I was wondering - when you renewed your passport, was it still valid, or expired? That's one thing I'm concerned about - his expires in less than a week, and he doesn't have a current birth certificate or ID card, and hasn't registered to get his Consular Card.... He was planning to go there in person if/when he gets it renewed/extended, so that part isn't an issue.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-04 21:16:00
Middle East and North Africarenewing a Moroccan passport

do not worry about it.they can do it in the same day. if not they will mail it to him. they just gonna stamp it ( entended for 3 years) .dor the id he needs birth certificate from morocco. it's gonna cost him about $80 including $10 membership. i did this 2 years ago. or you can call the embassy?


Thanks to everyone who gave advice.

Adam001, I'll call them this week - I figured they'd be closed on a Sunday.

I didn't even think about the birth certificate.... I remember they expire after a short period of time (like 6 months or something?) and he hasn't gotten one in a long time. Geez, you'd think they could just use his passport to get whatever they need from a birth certificate.

It sounds like he'll need his birth certificate to get his ID card renewed, and he'll need to register to get his Consular card, so he can get his passport extended.

Maybe this is why he is hoping to skip doing it?

Anyway, I'll definitely have to ask them if they'll extend it even after it expires, or if he'll have to start over and get a new one. I don't know if he'll be able to get the birth certificate in time.

Sigh.

venusfire503
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-03 18:32:00
Middle East and North Africarenewing a Moroccan passport
Also want to add.... I'm sure his identity card has expired.... I guess he'd have to go up there, in order to re-do fingerprints to renew that as well.... and register there (which he hasn't done yet). Sounds like he should plan on making a day of it....
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-03 10:08:00
Middle East and North Africarenewing a Moroccan passport
Hi everyone!

I was wondering if anyone here gotten an expired Moroccan passport extended in the US (esp in NY - or is that the only place here?).

My husband's passport is going to expire this month. He said he doesn't want to do it now, thinking he might not travel until he gets a US passport (he can file his N-400 in April). He said if he needs to (decides to/has to travel before he gets a US passport), he can always take care of it at the time, even driving to NY if necessary. I'm not so sure it's as simple as he thinks. Would they even do it the same day? Will they do it at all it if it's already expired? I'm thinking it might not be easy (might not be possible?) if he waits until it expires. I would guess that extending it now would be a lot faster, easier, and maybe less expensive than doing so after it expires. I was reading over the website, and it doesn't mention if they'll even extend an expired passport...

Anyone know anything about it?

Thanks!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-03 10:03:00
Middle East and North AfricaMarrying in Morocco
I was just wondering, after reading all the posts here, if there would be any problem with her just staying in Morocco until he gets the K1 visa, and then the three of them traveling here together? I know there's the 90 day limit, but that can be extended.

Or am I missing something?

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-04 21:07:00
Middle East and North Africamoroccan consulate question
I can't make any promises, but that sounds like an approval to me! That's exactly how it went for my SO.

In the (most likely) event that he's getting his visa, we both congratulate you!

venusfire
:dance:
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-08 21:20:00
Middle East and North AfricaMention wedding date??

I've heard that some people are asked about when the wedding with be, during the K1 interview. If you have a date planned (hoped for) should you mention it, or just say as soon as we get the visa?? Whats everyones opinion around this...it seems like little things are getting denials in Casathese days...or for no reason at all.

Monica



I was told to put a date in the "intent letter", so they know you're serious about getting married (even if no plans are actually made). I was also told it's a good idea to get a letter from an officiant (of whatever sort you'd want to use - religious or not), showing that you contacted him (or her). We also ordered engraved wedding bands, and he took the receipt and pictures of them to his interview. ANYTHING that shows that you're really serious is going to help. Sometimes I've almost felt like I was in an episode of Law & Order, trying to prove my innocence against an allegation of marriage fraud or something!

Best of luck!
venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-06 21:16:00
Middle East and North AfricaJust wondering....
QUOTE (Henna Rose @ Jan 1 2010, 02:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's so heart warming to read all of these great love stories ! I think mine was the shortest marriage in MENA at 5 weeks rose.gif Guess I am just feeling a bit lonely this New Year's Eve with noone to kiss. God willing love will find me again ~ Your stories are inspiring heart.gif



sad.gif rose.gif

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2010-01-01 11:52:00
Middle East and North AfricaJust wondering....
I love this thread - I think it gives hope to anyone who has heard one too many "horror stories"!

Not sure if this is a good idea or not, but does anyone want to add their "red flags" or anything like that? For instance, it seemed NO ONE thought things would last for us. The reasons? 11 year age difference (I'm older), different religions, his poor English (and my lack of French and Arabic) when we first started talking, meeting on the internet, the fact that I was in the middle of a divorce when we met online, the fact that he never really was in a relationship before and I "came with" three children, the fact that we only knew each other a very short time before I visited him, short time before we started talking about marriage, short time before we actually got married (especially since it was only a few months after my divorce was finalized)... Turns out those "problems" really didn't matter much with our relationship. We match with all the other things - like how we feel about things, and what's really important to us.

We've been married almost three years now, and in that time, we've really learned how to get along. There were some adjustments, of course, but we've had a much better adjustment than I did with my first husband (he and I were only a year apart, same country, same state, same religion, both single when we met, same language, we met in person and knew each other 4 years before we got married... ) during our 15 years of marriage.

So, go figure!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-31 21:39:00
Middle East and North AfricaJust wondering....
QUOTE (angie & abed @ Dec 29 2009, 10:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We've been together 3 1/2 years, married 3 years the end of February '10.



You guys have a similar timeline to ours! We met May 20, 2006, and got married January 21, 2007.

Our three year anniversary is coming soon. We've known each other just over 3 years and 7 months. wub.gif

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-12-29 23:59:00
Middle East and North AfricaFoolish friend wants to come to US on visitor visa & marry b/c fiancee won't fly to Morocco
Wow - lots of different subtopics here! It gets confusing after a while, especially when one has other things preoccupying the brain.....

It IS illegal to come on a visitor's visa with the prior intent of getting married AND staying and adjusting status after putting another reason on the form - and I believe someone showed that it IS asked on the form the reason for the visa request (and I don't know that they'll give anyone from ANY country a visitor visa if "marrying and adjusting status" is written in there). If I remember correctly, you're also asked when traveling your reason(s) for the visit - on paper, as well as in person. Yes, it might be hard to prove prior intent one way or the other, but honestly, who wants the hassle? And if determined to be guilty, whether actually guilty or not, it can really complicate both lives. Besides, here on VJ, we don't advise people to break the law.

The part that makes this a MENA topic and not just a general one is the fact that it is nearly impossible for a young Moroccan male to get a visitor's visa. Period. If you could find a young Moroccan male who did or will get one, I'd be somewhat surprised. If you can show me one who did it while admitting he intends to come here to get married and stay and adjust status, I'll be shocked. To put it mildly. Just attempting to do it would be foolish.

IF he managed to get a visitor's visa, and ended up coming here, getting married, and filing to adjust status, I'd be willing to bet he'd come under some serious scrutiny - more than the couple who does this from VWP or a visa from a less 'suspected' country.

Can he do it? Theoretically, yes, although it would be illegal, dishonest, and very risky to attempt.

Now, I was thinking if this couple had an alternative, they might do it differently. Here's the reality - they haven't met. The chances of meeting here are very low, because he's from Morocco. The chances of her going there seem rather low as well, since she won't fly. Meeting elsewhere might be possible, depending on where she lives, if she can get to a country (without flying) where he could meet her.

That being accomplished somehow, if that can be done, still leaves another problem. Getting a K-1 or spousal visa (if they get married somehow in another country, or even if she wrangles up the courage to fly there and get married in Morocco) with her lack of income. Unless she has income from some other source (maybe unemployment?) that is high enough, or can get a co-sponsor (is that allowed for Morocco?), the application will be denied for financial reasons.

This couple has some serious obstacles.

Now, for those who aren't familiar with MENA couples... yes, it's very odd in this country to get married without meeting beforehand, or after a few weeks or months of first becoming aware of each other's existence. In the past, it might have seemed highly suspicious to me, too. But I found myself marrying a Moroccan approximately 8 months after the very first time I knew he even existed. That was nearly 3 years ago. We're very happy, and I've never regretted my decision, and don't imagine I ever will.

Now, in this couple's case, there's no way of knowing. We're hearing just some things, and from an 'outsider' (no offense to the OP). Maybe he really did fall in love with her, or maybe he just wants to get here. There's no way to know 100%. If he's trying to use her for a green card, though, he picked the wrong target - seems like someone intent on just getting here would find someone who could get him here so much easier than it seems she can (IF she even can).

If he really wants to marry her for love, then it's just a case (and only their business) of whether or not they're making the right decision. Some couples get married after a short courtship and do fine, some don't. Some couples court a long time before marriage - some are making the right decision, and some are making a mistake.

My advice to the Moroccan friend of the OP is to get the visitor visa if possible, and come to meet her. Like someone else said, maybe one or both of them will change their mind once they meet in person. If not, they still might want to keep things simple and have him return to Morocco and apply for a fiance or spousal visa, in order to avoid complications. She'll have to find a job or some other source of adequate income, however.

That brings up a question maybe someone can answer. What happens if he does get a visitor visa, they marry, and he stays, but she doesn't have adequate income? Even if they convince USCIS that getting married was not pre-planned, can he legally stay if the income requirement is not met? Just curious.

I would recommend the OP also advise them to join VJ, so they can learn more about the whole process.

It would be interesting to know how things work out for them. If they are sincere, I hope they find a way to be together.

venusfire



venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-11-13 12:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaCasablanca - No financials needed?
QUOTE (JayandZou @ Apr 15 2009, 12:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Turia @ Apr 14 2009, 05:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Kamal didn't take them to Casa for the interview, we needed it for the AOS. And when we first filed for the K1.



Thanks everyone. I'm thinking maybe to go there to help him prepare for the interview. I have a free frequent flyer ticket. I know we have a lot of expenses after he gets his Visa but maybe it's worth it to do everything I can to support him in getting it. Seems like a few fiances coming out of Casa lately are not getting their Visas. It would be my 6th trip to see him in 15 months so I'm also guessing that it looks good to the Consulate that I've been there so many time.


I would definitely recommend going there before the interview since you can. I went a few days before, helped him prepare for the interview, took all the required documents (like my birth certificate) that I didn't want to mail, and also had a copy of the packet I sent to him - good thing, since the one I mailed got there AFTER the interview.

If you want to go along for the interview, I have a little advice. You will probably not be allowed in the building (I wasn't), which means pacing around outside for hours. Make sure you have a little cash on you, and know how to ask for water and a bathroom. If you can order food if you get hungry, or take some with you, that is helpful. Also learn what you can about the money - how to figure out how much things should be, etc. I stupidly didn't do any of that because my SO always took care of the money, ordering, etc. We also focused more on improving his English than on having me learn French or Arabic. I also had no idea we'd be separated for several hours. This was totally unlike me - I'm usually the overly paranoid, overly cautious, overly prepared type. That day I had to hand over cash and assume they'd charge me the right amount and give the right change (and they did!). I even had a guy I had just met go order some fries for me (yep, just handed over money to a stranger and asked him to order fries for me) - well, we were both pacing around all day outside, so it's like we 'knew' each other. haha

Oh, also - there were Moroccans walking around outside, also waiting for people to come out after interviews. My SO said to be careful about talking with them too much. The police chased them away from me at one point.

Just a fun note - when we went back to pick up the visa, I took several bags of chocolate and handed them out to the police. They appreciated it!

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-16 13:44:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhy I fell in love with my MENA man/woman
QUOTE (Astarte @ Apr 21 2009, 09:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hahahah he sounds like my dad! My dad saves any sort of possibly reuseable container...cool whip containers, sour cream containers, pb jars, etc.


Astarte,

Kind of besides the point, but... cool whip containers are awesome for storing CDs.

heehee

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-21 21:07:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhy I fell in love with my MENA man/woman
I fell in love with him because he was so different than anyone I had ever met. I don't know how I could tell at first, just over the internet (webcam), but I could. One day I realized one of my shirt buttons was undone, and apologized to him as I buttoned it up. He appreciated it. Not like some guys, who would've made some lame comment about how I should unbutton more instead. He also thanked me for leaving the view of the camera to change into my pajamas one night. I'll never forget that, even though it was almost 3 years ago. It was and is so wonderful to be with someone who RESPECTS me, as well as himself.

I also love how down to earth he is. He doesn't try to show off, never tried to impress me with things (like most people, I would've been able to see through something like that anyway). I'm not the type of person who is impressed with money, flashy/showy things, etc. What impresses me about him is that he's sweet, smart, loving, and respectable. Over the last few years, I've been very impressed with him - the way he handles things, his willingness to stick it out through all the ####### we've had to deal with, the way he's not afraid to try things, how much he knows, how much he's learning... just as examples.

I also loved the way he could calm me down or lift me up, even over the computer or phone. I was going through a rough time, and he made it so much easier, even before he got here.

I couldn't imagine life without him.

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-20 16:38:00
Middle East and North Africadeclaring your marriage
QUOTE (rhouni @ Apr 27 2006, 06:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (jenn3539 @ Apr 27 2006, 06:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What if more than three months have passed AND there were no muslim witnesses at the ceremony?



Jenn,

The Zawaj section of the Moudawanat Alousra addresses marriage abroad. It first says how the Moroccan National: in according with local law but also with two Muslim witnesses. It doesn't have to declare the sadaq but it should not sadaq was declined.

The second point says the marriage should be registered within three months with the consulate.

My guess would be registering and validating marriages are two different things, that the consulate wants to know of any marriages, but that Morocco will only recognize the marriages performed according to the Moudawana. Maybe they only want to know about "valid" marriages. It isn't very clear.

As far as beyond three months, beats me wacko.gif We are going to find out because we plan to declare our marriage.

Rebecca


Did you ever find out? We've been married for over two years now. I was wondering if we just have to do it again Islamically next time we visit Morocco. I really don't know how to do it here, since we're already married....

thanks

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-23 21:42:00
Middle East and North Africais good to marry within the first time we meet?
This doesn't deal with the wedding part of this conversation. I don't have anything to say about that, at least not now. To me, that's more the family than the SO. Yes, I would probably be insulted if I felt slighted. Yes, I think any of you in that type of situation have a right to however you feel about it. I tend to care about what my husband thinks of me, and not so much what other people think. But then again, I tend not to notice things (sometimes that's a good thing - not always, though).

I hope the next part comes across the right way. If it upsets anyone, then it didn't come out the way I intended.

I had a long conversation with my husband about the 'double standard' of how MENA men treat women - local (usually virgins) vs. foreign (usually - at least assumed to be - non-virgins). He basically said it boils down to this - the local girls won't put themselves in a situation where they COULD have sex with the men. That's a combination of (1) it's been drilled into their brains and (2) there are too many people around (like their parents) who wouldn't let them get away with it anyway. He said if a foreign woman would say "no", that would be respected. Oh, and he also said the men are more or less afraid of the fathers of the locals, too. Not too many American men are going to fly over there to knock on their doors because of what was done with their daughters!

I asked him point blank, if he had met a Moroccan woman, fell in love with her, she agreed to have sex with him, and he didn't have to worry about her family (father) would he have had sex with her? He said yes. If I had refused, would he have left me alone? Again, yes. I do feel kind of stupid for not doing more research before visiting him (and not just about that). I don't know if it would've made much difference. Hard to say.

So... as sweet as they are, they're still men. So, it's not that they care more about the local women. It just so happens that the opportunities more often come with the foreign women. I'm NOT saying that this means it's all our faults, though. (I guess he technically could've told me how American women were perceived.) I'm just telling you - again - how it was explained to me. You have to admit, there's a big difference in how things are often done here (or wherever we happen to be) and there.

Yes, it's still ok to feel cheated or insulted. I was just hoping that posting the information that I got might help someone feel a little better. Hearing it helped me. If it didn't help you, I hope it didn't make things worse. If it upset you, or made you feel bad, I'm sorry. That was definitely not my intent.

Best of luck to everyone...

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-24 22:34:00
Middle East and North Africais good to marry within the first time we meet?
QUOTE (Y's_habibitk @ Apr 21 2009, 03:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I will probably get blasted from all of the K1 filers out there but I mean no offense, just a question to the OP...

Would you consider living with and subsequently having "relations" with a local girl for 2 weeks without being married to her?
Would that be accepted by your family, or hers?
This is what you should be asking yourself IMHO. Do what you think is right.

Does it look good to have married days after arrival and meeting? Some CO's dont think so, but like I said in your other post.. most understand that it is the socially acceptable option. I would worry about a short courtship, not marrying on the first visit.


Before reading anything I've written, please understand that I'm not agreeing/arguing with or siding for/against anyone or anything. I'm just telling what I understand from the way it has been presented to me.

First of all, we're assuming that he's planning on having "relations" with her. It might be a good assumption, but then again, maybe we're wrong about that.

Um, I can't really give a good explanation for this, but the way it was explained to me is there are different rules for "local" (Moroccan) and "American" women. Kind of like a double standard. I guess it's because everyone there assumes that women in America aren't virgins anyway. Also, many American women who go over there (applied to me) were already married and/or had children. Not saying I agree with this logic (or even like it), but that's the way I heard it is. Also, if the American woman isn't Muslim, I think that adds to the 'logic'.

I was also told that it's very common to have very short 'courtships' over there. Most couples quickly make the decision on whether or not to marry, probably in part because of the taboo against premarital sex. Unlike here, they don't bother with years of dating. Either get engaged and married, or move on.

I agree with what others said - it depends on so many things, such as how long you've known each other, etc. For one thing, is she recently divorced? Is she Muslim? If she comes from a background where short engagements are not unusual, it might make a difference. It's best to look at ALL of the different parts of the relationship.

Now, on to my advice. I would recommend waiting for a marriage. First of all, do you want to take the chance that you will be one of the lucky ones who get approved? I know it's hard to be apart, but I imagine it's even more difficult if you're married. Also, it's hard enough to get a visa through Casa... why make it harder?

And not to be a cynic, but... what if the process takes several years? Is a marriage that new going to last through all of that? A break up is much easier than a divorce.

On the other hand... If the relationship is meant to be, it can last while you wait to get married. You can always make the decision to get married later.

Only you can ultimately decide what is best for you, though. You might get married, and get lucky - no problems with the visa. You might decide to wait on marriage and do the K-1, and have a long wait, too. You never know. Just from what I've heard though, it seems the best chances for a faster, less complicated way to get here is with the K-1.

For what it's worth, we decided on the K-1. It took less than 3 months. I had just finally finished my divorce and sent the package as soon as I received my divorce decree. We also had different backgrounds, an 11 year age difference (I'm older), and hadn't known each other very long. I wouldn't say we had the 'best' situation for the best chances, but it worked for us. The only thing that might have made our case 'better' would have been to wait.

No matter what you do, listen to your heart. Be open and honest with each other. If you are at all religious, PRAY.

I hope my post was more helpful than confusing.

Best of luck!
venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-04-21 21:51:00
Middle East and North AfricaPrayers Needed
So sad... I wish I could do something....

rose.gif sad.gif

I hope God gives you the strength to get through this time

venusfire
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-05-05 13:21:00
Middle East and North Africacar insurance in Morocco
anyone?
venusfire503FemaleMorocco2009-05-05 13:32:00