ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusTo whom it may consern...
Galya sorry but what you tell is just too horrible to be 100% believable. Just too much drama for a smart woman like yourself! You are obviously stressed and in need of professional help, however skeptical you may be about it. Believe me, it helps, even those who "know the business from within", - provided of course that they WANT to deal with their victimous behavior. PM me if you like.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-20 09:55:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusVisa Denied

They said that because she had previously entered the US on an immigrant visa (the K-2) and her mother was here they were denying her J-1. For this reason I guess even a B-1 visitors visa will be impossible too.

I see they don't just need evidence of ties to Russia but also evidence of ABSENCE of ties to the U.S.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-25 06:33:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusJumping through the hoops
Well I arrived at 8 am today and there was indeed a list of names; I was 45th in line. ;) After standing for 4 hours under the sun, I managed to get in and was given a ticket for one of the windows. Another half-hour of waiting and all windows closed. Right before my nose. The consulate officers were immovable. "Come tomorrow" and that's it.

Well hopefully my today's ticket will be good to get me through tomorrow ahead of the line.

And hopefully the US consulate will be a little nicer when my K-1 interview comes. :)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-31 09:03:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusJumping through the hoops

:huh:
So even those in the EU have learned Russian rackets?

No, I think they are as innocent as lambs. I think there is another explanation. But what puzzles me - the "signup website" is posted on their own information board, on their own gate! And the guards are barring people from entrance under their very nose!
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-30 09:11:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusJumping through the hoops

Why not get a visa somewhere easier, like Paris?

Paris easier?? You must be kidding. :-) They have a prior signup requirement posted on their official website and the waiting time is a few weeks, I guarantee you.
And why book an entire trip when I can get invitation from my Mom who is citizen of Sweden. But the Swedish embassy apparently has no idea that it requires prior signup. ;-)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-30 09:04:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusJumping through the hoops
I thought I'd post here the story of my yesterdays' attempt, it's kinda interesting.

My fiance and I agreed to spend a week together in Stockholm, where my mother resides. I got a visa invitation from her, got my docs ready and went to submit application for a guest visa to the Swedish embassy. I arrived at t 9:00 am and found a crowd of people at the gate giving passports to the guard officer. Having asked who's the last in the line, I was told that everyone had signed up IN ADVANCE on the “new website of the Embassy” (a piece of paper showing a strange URL was stapled to the information board). The guard officer told me that I cannot go in if I had not signed up, because lists with names were given to the embassy staff and they call in people by the list.

In the same crowd were, apparently, some reps of tourist companies who told me the sign-up is currently going on for June 16 (my ticket is for June 12!) and that I would do better going through a tourist company because they receive “preferential treatment”. I went away disappointed and called a few tourist firms. Some indeed offer a service of “carrying in the documents” for 115 Euro.

I also managed to talk to a representative of the visa dept of the Swedish embassy who was surprised to hear about the sign up and assured me I can submit documents on Thursday without any prior sign up. He actually thanked me for sharing my story and told me they'd look into the matter.

Who will venture a guess what's going on there? :)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-30 08:07:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

You're better off than most, that's for sure. However, I think you are fooling yourself excluding the opportunity cost from not working, whether you're talking about a $50K/year job or a $20K/year job. Economically, you HAVE to add that as a cost.

AK, thanks for your perspective, it's very valuable. Still you seem to take it for granted that money is my priority and I will want to start working immediately after I get EAD. But I'm thinking, since I don't have to invest in additional education, need to wait for EAD anyway, and will be decently provided for by my future husband, why not extend this break for a couple of years to start and care for my new family? When I don't go to office every day, my expenses tend to be very minimal. And a kid is something far more important to me than fancy cars or shoes or vacations. When the kid is ready for daycare I can resume career, with new motivation. Maybe it will make more sense than starting a full-time job immediately, taking a 12-weeks leave after a year and sending a 2-month-old to day care. Besides, my fiance is turning 38 and he says if we are to have a kid or two, we better start early so we'll be still working when they go to college.

How is this a bad strategic plan?

I wouldn't call us a typical one-income family...

You and I are actually quite alike, from what I see. :-) Thanks for good wishes, and best of luck to you too!

BTW I drive a 1998 Honda Civic in Moscow but I just LOVE old Celicas. :-)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-18 03:33:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

If you're planning to take unpaid time off from work from a 50K+ job, quite a bit (: To get a fair cost, you have to figure this into things.

Wait, wait, let's not figure this into things. Very few "typical FSU wives" will get a 50K job and I may not as well, who knows. But let's say baby will cost me 15?-20? for 15 (9+6) months, plus my own expenses. Now, a typical US one-income family (say Russ and Galya) have no problem covering her expenses and 3? tuition for 2(?) years. My fiance has a decent salary and I have savings and a US degree. So... where's the extreme challenge? Am I missing something?
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-17 03:33:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

My husband isn't working, even part time, because he will start studying in Septemebr and considers it a much better investment of the money we don't have. He also considers my 31K a year to be enough to cover all the expenses. He's aware of the fact that the rent alone eats half of this paycheck, but he doesn't seem to care much. <skip>
I told my husband that maybe it's time for him to at least start looking for work, and I won't even be too mad if he decides to only work part time. My request made him upset, because how come he doesn't get any time off from work at all? He was planning to only start looking for work in June, and now I messed up all his plans :wacko:

Jewel12, thanks for sharing. You seem very mature and responsible and I hope you'll find a way to work this out soon. :-)
Forgive me for asking a personal question, but how old is your husband?..
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-17 03:11:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

For most of us, it meant work was not an option for at least 6 months. After that, finding a job can be tough, with no US work experience, credit history, etc...

Galina is in school now getting a Master's degree. Tuition is cheap here in FL, about $3,000/year. A degree here should make it much easier for her to find a better job. It is possible to start school immediately, and this can make it easier to get a better job (more from networking, than anything else)

Good for you guys! May I ask who covers Galina's school and other expenses?

I already have an MA from a US school, so I won't have to invest in education again (unless I feel like it). My degree is not tech but I've worked in IT industry for 7 years and qualify for 50K-70K jobs immediately judging by some US job sites.

Now, I'm wondering how much would be the average cost of pregnancy and the baby's first 6-8 months in, say, North Carolina? :-)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-17 01:55:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

Here in the U.S., it is very hard to make it on only one person's income. Add another dependant to that, and it gets really, really hard.

Just wondering, how many of this thread's posters' wives contribute to family income, and how significantly?
I've been reading VJ for some months now and I see that a fair share of wives start or will start working eventually, but it's my impression that their initial post-arrival time is covered by their husbands, more or less. Sometimes that includes education, where necessary. Am I to understand that all these husbands are immensely rich? :)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-16 09:48:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

In the US - save a lot of money to be able to afford the unpaid leave.

Well, if one is able to breed right away, without ever working in the first place, then I don't think saving up money to afford it seems to be the issue. This seems to be what the OP has planned.

You guys seem to be surmising that I plan to rush into single motherhood, with no prior work experience or any financial support. :)
Actually I do have some money saved, since I've had a successful career for quite a while already, though not in the US. But remember my initial post - I said some form of financial dependence will be unavoidable and for me, it's a concept that requires much getting used to. I thought it was in tune with the previous discussion and hoped for some constructive comments.

AK, maybe I'm mistaken, but your "breed right away" phrase sounds a little contemptuous. I'll consider myself lucky if I get pregnant at all.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-16 03:19:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

That depends how you feel about it. If you feel like a trophy wife, than you are a trophy wife! As simple as that ;) ! If you like it, enjoy! I don't mind it either every once in a while but only when showing me off doesn't conflict with my own life and interests (and comes with new Tiffany, of course! :D )
Being a trophy wife is boring, been there - done that. It was boring for me even when I was 18. But it's almost inevitable here, since we are all such a great catch (according to Slim, at least) So I did my best to stop it in my family now (well, almost). I much prefer "showing myself off" and don't need any help with it.
Emotional comfort is a big problem, believe me you can't imagine the palette of new feelings you will get when you come and settle down here! I am saying this as a psychologist and from my first-hand experience. So best of luck, but I am telling you, it's not gonna be easy!


Thank you Galina, but you really needn't teach me about the challenges of settling in the US since I have 3 years of life in the US and a few long-term relationships (both in US and Russia) under my belt already. I am fully aware of the difficulties.

And where in my post did you see a statement that I enjoy being a trophy wife? Or were you speaking in general terms? Sorry if I misunderstood. To tell you the truth, now that I re-read your post, I figure it is actually you who secretly enjoy being a trophy wife, though officially you'd prefer to be praised for your (obvious) smarts. ;) (No offense meant!)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-15 07:10:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me

Very interesting discussion, and in tune with my current concerns.
But I understand U.S. employers are very reluctant to give long-enough maternity leaves and I don't want to delay having kids.

Marriage can take a lot out of you in the first year. I'm not saying wait to have kids, but starting so fast seems a bit ambitious to me.

I double or triple this. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that it is foolish for ANY couple to have kids within their first two, if not three, years together. But hey, people do what they want. (:

I'm sure you are right, but for me, the risks of hurrying are far outweighed by those of delaying. That's my reality. We are both mature grown-up people and we know what we want. Besides, I have lived in the States before and my adaptation period will be shorter. But even after one or two years of career, do you think I will be entitled to anything better than 2 weeks of leave? I doubt it.

How would an American gal act in such situation?
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-15 03:43:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusViolence Against Women Act and me
Very interesting discussion, and in tune with my current concerns.

I was thinking of ways to ensure she feels free and comfortable. Giving her about the same money per month/week she makes working back home until she can work here seemed like a logical start. This would allow her to live with the same financial freedoms she did back home. Am I terribly wrong in this thought?

I honestly would like some russian women input on this question.


My man and I haven't really discussed the money question yet (we better hurry!) but I can say that for me, the concept of financial dependence is very uncomfortable. I've been 100% self-reliant since the age of 17 (I'm 32 now) and I'm unused to taking money from anyone. Finding a job as soon as I arrive to the US seems like an obvious way to go. But I understand U.S. employers are very reluctant to give long-enough maternity leaves and I don't want to delay having kids. Therefore, some form of financial dependence is unavoidable and working out the money problem is a big challenge. I don't know how to tackle it; waiting for fresh ideas from my future husband. :) But two things I'm sure of, 1) my spending habits will HAVE to change somehow, some way - and 2) my degree of emotional comfort depends equally on my man's good sense and on my own ability to handle my insecurities. "Fait ce que tu dois, advienne que pourra." ©

Re "FSU wives": Galina, I think you slightly overestimate the derogatory tone on this forum. Excessive political correctness would be boring indeed! I don't mind being generalized a bit, in a good way. Yes I am a catch, and I am from FSU - but does that automatically make me a trophy wife? :)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-14 09:39:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusCrazy new Russia?!
My fiance came to visit for 5 days in November. I got a tourist "invitation" for him from Star Travel here in Moscow (1 hour, 2000 rub. + 1500 rub. express mail). We did not register him and he had no problem exiting from SVO. He was stopped by cops just once (on the Red Square :)) but I was with him to do the talking, so they ended up letting us go.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-25 02:16:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusGoing back to Russia

I believe Sat and Mrs. Sat worked it out.... No need for us to revisit it for them, is there?

Are you moderating this forum Slim?

P.S. I am happy for Mr. & Mrs. Sat of course.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-06-05 09:36:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusGoing back to Russia
I left Russia at 21 for a US grad school and did not come back until 3 years later. I can speak from experience that for a person that young (isn't that your age Olga?), it is fair and normal to keep stronger psychological ties to home country and parents. But then, marriage is tough work too, requiring maturity and certain emotional sacrifices. Going back to Russia for 3 months seems like giving yourself a break from this work - indeed from being adult. A trip back to childhood, is that your psychological need Olya? Whereas your husband doesn't get any breaks, does he?
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-06-05 06:26:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusPolice certificate

I applied for a Russian Police Certificate at a French consulate... I was told it will take 2-3 months before I can pick it up. It is about 1 month if I were to request it directly in Moscow, Russia.

If you are in a hurry you can delegate the Power of Attorney to someone in Russia to pick up your certificate and express-mail it to you. If you read Russian, look here for more info.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-06-07 02:14:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarusinternational passports for russian citizens

(we want to get it in 3-4 days) and won't rip us off


Passport ready in 3-4 days and no rip off? Impossible.

I had my passport done in November through Travelmart (visa@travelmart.ru, attn. ????? ?????????? ?????????) for 14000 rub. in 3 weeks. 1-week turnaround would cost closer to $1000.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-06-06 06:06:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusCongratulations, Turboguy
Awesome! I'm happy for you and your lovely fiancee, Turbo! :) Godspeed for the rest of the journey!
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-07-09 01:59:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSuggestion

Like what? We can come up with something that would really make a statement. Any suggestions?
I have to say this, I deeply admire your skills with the language! As a linguist I can truly appreciate it! Let me guess - Moscow State University?

Like "Russian Mail Order B&$ch" or something, whaddaya think? :)

Thanks, you sound (look) pretty fluent too! No, I studied in an English school in N-sk, read Austen and Dickens and Stevenson, then lived off my language skills through the hungry post-1991 years (working with expat missionaries, interpreting etc), then went to grad school in the US.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-07-31 02:52:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSuggestion

Russian forum #######, on the other hand, I believe is a pretty good identifier.


Even so, "??????? ????? ????" is grammatically incorrect and basically identifies an "Illiterate Russian Forum #######". :devil: Now that's a nice ID to flaunt!

I received the same secret handshake from Akdiver and replied that I do not share this xenophobia and welcome anyone's twopence in the Russian forum.

Citycat, I like your stream of thought but I'd prefer something more assertive. :)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-07-31 01:50:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUS - Russia relations
What a perfect chain of logical conclusions. Five Russians walk in a store with counterfeit $100 while Putin visits = they are his security people = Putin is aware and involved = Russia is an enemy.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-08-01 06:16:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusAge difference survey
I am 32 and he is 37 (will be 33 and 38 by the time we marry). Ideal age difference, in my opinion. :)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-29 05:31:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarussad weekend

Actually my wife did go to school and she is very intelligent, the fact that she did not know who columbus was has nothing to do with her education or her intelligence, it had more to do with frame of reference and differences in language.

I meant no offence, I was just surprised. Education in Russian schools used to be very thorough.
But perhaps the American pronunciation of Columbus was not instantly recognizable to her.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-08-08 02:31:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarussad weekend

I replied tell that to columbus, she asked who he was. Sometimes I forget she doesnt know any american history


Pardon me but Columbus is not just American history. Every school kid in Russia knows about the Great Discoveries and all. Did your wife go to school? :huh:
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-08-07 09:27:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarussad weekend

Guys, be honest to yourself. Would your wife / fiancée still be with you if you were Russian, making a Russian wage, and living in Russia? For example if you met at a café. Ask them if you are not sure.


Speaking for myself: yes, I would still be with my man if he were Russian and living in Russia. In fact this whole immigration thing is absolutely a pain in the ### for me and I would rather he moved to live with me in Moscow - but that's not an option unfortunately. Yes, I overlook his lack of Russian language and culture because we are both well-versed in World culture, we had read the same books and we are on that level of development where language differences no longer matter.

However, despite all our great love we may one day call it quits for one reason or the other. Now, according to this "deport the b@%ch " logic, if after some years we decide to divorce, will I be labeled a scammer unless I move back to my country and start my life from scratch?
It kinda bothers me that immigration - something I consider a sacrifice on my part - is generally considered such a great gift for which we FSU ladies must be eternally grateful.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-07-30 02:29:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarussad weekend

And the whole story of the Russian men being drunkards and losers was invented by online dating agencies as some sort of reassurance for American men that these ladies really want to "marry a nice guy", and not just immigrate. I think it's BS, and I too hope I'm not offending anyone.

I agree, but you have to acknowledge that an educated Russian woman in her 30-s is far likelier to find an adequate husband abroad than in Russia. The fact that she posts her profile does not automatically prove that she's a green card opportunist.

Personally I couldn't care less where to live, but I do very much care WITH WHOM to live - and my chances to marry well in my home country are objectively small. 95% of decent men in my age group are either happily married or divorced with kids and not looking to start a new family.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-05-31 07:49:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusMoving to Russia

I'd quote John Kenneth Galbraith: "We all agree that pessimism is a mark of superior wisdom"
So the attitude of "Life sucks, wear the helmet" pays back sometimes. It cuts down whining and hysterics at least by half.

Right, as long as you wear your own helmet and cut your own whining and hysterics. But when you start parading your pessimism before depressed and struggling souls, it looks arrogant and unsensitive. "Life sucks" is the last thing they want to hear.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-07-25 02:38:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusVisa Approved :)
Milenka, I'm so happy for you guys! You've done a great job - now have a smooth and joyous journey to USA! smile.gif
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-08-29 02:31:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusFOOD!!!

Easy. Red wine goes down better with a 2lb prime rib or NY strip.
This goes along with the theory: http://www.steakandbjday.com/

Thanks for the tip Russ, but I fear I'm being tricked into something which is not a proven solution to the bordeaux problem. :D
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-08-06 11:50:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusFOOD!!!
How does one get a Scotsman accustomed to drinking bordeaux? My man drinks scotch like water but two glasses of rouge sec seem to upset his system. Is he hopeless? :)
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-08-06 02:08:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusCultural Differences

For traditional Russian gals, 100% equality in marriage is often a highly questionable concept. :)

OK, this sounds interesting. Who is more equal than whom, and in what ways, Blues Fairy?

Some are more equal than the others, apparently. :)
What I meant (speaking for traditional Russian gals) is that the rules of courtship should not cease to be honored when the relationship goes to the next stage. In the families of our parents man was the breadwinner and woman the keeper of hearth or at best the secondary breadwinner. Ideally, she never has to shoulder any considerable financial load. So a "feminist-brainwashed" western husband who demands that his wife pay 50% of the family's expenses would be considered unchivalrous and niggardly.

A few alternative synonims, as a possible explanation of "greedy" from the point of Russians: petty, ungenerous, parsimonious, tight-fisted. As opposed to more common meaning: covetous, avaricious, grasping.
Hope this helps.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-06-29 04:16:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusCultural Differences

My (Russian) wife, who is still in Russia, worries that I will turn out to be "greedy".

So, what is this Russian conception of "greedy"? I hear it from other Russians, and have heard that American are considered to be a particularly greedy people. All this puzzles me -- so, please, let's have comments, especially from the Russian side of this string.

I can conjecture that the difference stems from the Russian concept of true generosity. It's historically considered good and generous to sacrifice one's own interest in favor of those of your friends' or loved ones'. Collective over individual, money is nothing friendship is everything, etc etc. Thus a Russian who holds such selflessness in high esteem could take offense from your simply minding your own financial interest. E.g. going "Dutch" in a restaurant instead of picking up the check.

Not sure what exactly your wife means by "greedy" but it could also have something to do with the things I explained a few posts earlier - regarding the "value" of a woman's time and the "payment" she expects for it - not literally of course. For traditional Russian gals, 100% equality in marriage is often a highly questionable concept. :)

Edited by Blues Fairy, 28 June 2007 - 06:21 AM.

Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-06-28 06:19:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusCultural Differences

She has explained to me at length that this is something normal in the Far East, that beautiful girls who respect themselves MUST be paid for their time.

Interesting.

I suspect such a "consumerist" approach to men is formed through interaction with more experienced women who have suffered a few disastrous relationships with losers or abusers and decided to compensate for the time lost. The concept of TIME WASTED is a very powerful thing. Very tempting, after 3 or 5 of your best years given to a loser or abuser, to start evaluating ALL men primarily from the point of their investing power. I myself had a couple of friends (not bad women at all) who would preach the same your wife has explained. Their reasoning: a woman's time is more valuable than man's, since we lose our "market value" so much faster than men. Therefore, we must be paid (metaphorically here) for our time. I have to agree that there is some truth to that, though I never have, or would, practice any kind of sponsored lifestyle unless it be a committed relationship. Even though the theme of "wasted time" is a very sensitive one for me, too.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-06-21 10:34:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusTranslations for documents
I've just received my Packet 3/4 and the pink instruction page does state the translation for police report is necessary.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-09-14 06:57:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusGood Luck Turbo
Turbo, great news! Congratulations and best wishes for a long and happy life together! smile.gif

My turn is coming in six weeks. smile.gif
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-09-11 03:39:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusGood Luck Turbo
Good luck to you guys! Your fiancee is a very smart and articulate lady, I am sure she'll do fine.
Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-09-10 09:56:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusPolice certificate - where to apply?

Any habitat works when you consider that the shipped in US men, like many on this board come with a lot of cash. And with money there are plenty of people dying to do everything from chopping your wood to keep the home warm to cleaning your house even in the worst of habitats, northern Siberia! Drop the money factor, send them poor, and I completely agree with you!


That's only a short-term advantage. Cash will be depleted long before the "product" acquires tolerable survival skills. A shipped Russian bride is, on the contrary, fairly survival-ready upon entry into the US. Plus, according to my estimates, the total cost of ownership of a US male is many times that of a Russian female, whereas ROI is considerably lower and slower!

Edited by Blues Fairy, 10 July 2007 - 11:39 AM.

Blues FairyFemaleRussia2007-07-10 11:34:00