biggish data

Sorry, late to this discussion. DFH, how is stating he doesn't want the kids leaving the US manipulative? That is simply him stating that he doesn't want his kids to live in the PHL thousands of miles from him. Your going to tell me that if (due to a totally unforeseen circumstance) your wife wants to leave you and move back to the PHL, you'd be down with her taking your kids with her? I'd think most dads would want more interaction with their child than an infrequent trip back to the PHL. Child custody is brutal under normal circumstance, but a foreign marriage situation jacks up the tension/difficulties even more.

Children get used a pawns in divorces, intentionally or not. At the very least, bringing the children into the conversation, even if the person saying they want to leave the marriage included the children, is focusing on the wrong subject. It's like your wife telling you that she was feeling so sick to her stomach, that she vomited all over the carpet, and the first thing you say is that you hope you don't have to replace the carpet. In the OP's case - his wife and children lived in the Philippines for years with little to no contact from him. Most family courts in the states, would look at the amount of involvement by each parent as to how the custody of the children would be drawn up. And as far as I understand, Philippine law gives default custody of children to their mother. The OP were married in the Philippines, the children were born there and have lived with their mother all their lives up until 6 months ago. IMO, for the husband to even entertain the idea that the wife would not have primary custody of the children is absurd. And I'm a divorce' who had joint custody of my children. Emotionally, I can understand the sentiment, but reason and emotions don't always go together.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-12 14:07:00

i am glad to say we were able to talk. im especially glad that she was able to get her sama ng loob off her chest. thanks everyone for listening (or reading for that matter) and giving advise.

Glad to hear that you made a communication breakthrough. IMO, you both still have a rough ride ahead. If she hasn't met any Filipinos in your area, put it on your plate to see to it that she meets some other Filipinos ASAP. Take her to church if she was used to going to church. Find an asian market in your area and if not, look to order her authentic Filipino foods online. These are critically important things that will help her feel less homesick. I hope you've already applied for her AOS and if so, once she get's her Conditional Green Card, let her find work if that's what she wants to do. In the meantime, take her to your local community college and see what kind of resources are available for free or little cost. Get her a library card. Get her a monthly bus pass. If she doesn't know how to drive, teach her. All these things, IMO, will help to diminish any resentment or feelings of being trapped. Best wishes. (F)

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-11 15:05:00

DFH - there were other circumstances prevented me bringing her over here. not being employed for a couple of years. then we hit a really hard patch for a long time but we got through it. when we were going through a rough period, we hung on and was able to work it out. and it's not like i was able to take the trips back home every year. again, i did the best i could to go see her (and at the time) my oldest son. as far as "penny pinching", she knows very well what my monthly budget is, before and now. when she thought i was lying to her about how much i made, she realized i wasn't lying to her when she saw my tax returns because she needed to sign them. and the question about how i was able to provide for them but not bring them here. it was possible because for every dollar i was sending to them, it was P45-P50 in conversion rate. she knows now how valuable the exchange rate was when she was in the Philippines. when she came here, she realized that when it comes to our family, our spending is now dollar to a dollar.

Regardless of the circumstances for why it took you a decade to bring her to the states, that has to have had a big toll on her and the relationship. I noticed on your account, you guys have actually been a couple for 16 years! Anyhow, good luck. I still say keep divorce out of the equation, but if she insists on wanting to go back home, don't use the kids as pawns.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-10 17:02:00

DFH - yeah been together a very long time. reason why they came here only this year was because of $. i didn't have it. or at least enough of it. i work for the state and i did not get paid all that much when i started (i still don't up to now), but the past couple of years, i've moved up through the ranks and started making enough to be able to set aside for the petition. about divorce, that was not even in my head until the past several weeks, she started joking around saying she knows how i wish i married another woman that is financially in better situation. that thought is actually her own thought. believen it or not, i did nothing wrong for her to think that. so with her bringing up the word divorce just about every other day, now im thinking she's not happy with me. and i would never use our children as leverage to make her stay here. if she doesn't want to be with me, im not going to force her to stay by using our kids. but just because she doesn't want to be with me, it does not mean the kids feel the same way. the kids have actually told both me and her that they like it here and don't want to go back to the Philippines to live. and i've never been in a power trip with her. i don't command her to do things or force what i think is correct on her. in our household, she makes as much of the decisions as i do. i don't, and never have, dominated her.

IMO, if you kept holding off bringing her to the states because of lack of money (for nearly a decade), she is going to scrutinize your handling of finances and maybe she sees where you could have made more personal sacrifices money wise to bring her and the kids here sooner? Maybe that's what she's upset about, but doesn't want to verbalize it or make you feel guilty about it. I cannot imagine the financial circumstances that made it possible to visit her throughout the years, father a couple of children, but not have the money to bring her and the kids over, and I'd be p!ssed to no end if I were in her shoes if when I got here I noticed that you weren't pinching every penny. I'm sure you have some valid reasons why you took so long, but I'm guessing that has got to be something that she's now seeing from a much closer view.

Best of luck. I'd go see a marriage counselor in hopes that you both can open up and talk about what is on your minds because she sounds very angry about the whole situation and probably feels that it's too late to complain about it.

Edited by DFH, 09 August 2011 - 06:17 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-09 18:15:00

last week we had a blow out and she told me that if i was getting stressed with her and the kids, for me to just send them back. if anyone's going to be flying back to the Philippines, it will just be her by herself. i told i was not going to let her just take the kids.

I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. Using the children as a manipulative ploy to keep her here is only going to make her hate/resent you even more. Sounds to me like you're on a power trip and she's not letting you toss her around like that. I'd apologize to her and tell her you would not fight her for custody of the children should she choose to go back home, for starters. Better learn a more effective way to deal with conflict than to get into a power struggle, IMO.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-09 11:48:00

Wow, you two have been together for over a decade and she just recently came here? Why such a long delay? I would think that probably has a lot to do with the tension. She was used to being a single parent and making decisions on her own and now all of sudden, she's suppose to share those decisions with you.

With 2 kids between you, divorce shouldn't even be on your mind, IMO. Man up and work it out. It may seem like it's all on her (the coldness), but there's got to be some dynamics going on between you two that is causing the strife. Go to a marriage counselor - whatever it takes, but get divorce out of your mind, or the relationship is doomed to fail, IMO.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-09 11:35:00

Any USC Successfully working in RP before retirement ?

I got a job working for a us based business , work from home. I love it so far.

I'm not rich by any means the pay is of course low by my standards, but its enough to pay rent, electric, food etc and live in the philippines well enough. I couldnt really ask for more

Low pay in the philippines is better than no jobs and no unemployment back in the usa

I'm glad it's worked out for you so far, Adam, but 6 months is hardly a blip on the big screen of life. I think most Filipinos who've made it to the states would disagree with that sentiment. However bad the economy gets in the states, it will never compare to the kind of dire, persistent poverty that most Filipinos live in. It's probably the single, biggest motivator as to why so many of them work and live abroad. I think it's courageous and great to see a young American like you staking out his existence in such an impoverished country, but you must find some comfort in knowing that if things get really difficult for you there in the Philippines, you could always come back home to the states. Most of Filipinos don't have that luxury.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-12 14:43:00

This prior post is curious...
My fiance's dad and I have an agreement, once I get her here, then I will turn around and buy him a boat. If I can afford it sooner I will, or if he can save from the money I send, that is fine as well. In buying him a boat and getting him some equipment,
Certainly leaves room for subjective interpretation.

Holy mackerel!

I hope the boat deal isn't mentioned in the embassy interview.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-06 10:35:00

Are the international dating sites that much different to the other "main-stream" sites such as eHarmony that is constantly being advertised on late-night cable television? I'd argue the find the foreign/submissive/whatever girl of your dreams "sales pitch" is no better or worse than the find the perfect girl for you "based on 99 character traits that are proven to make a relationship last" pitch. Both, in effect, are pitching a load of BS that some people may or may not buy into.

Hey BJ!

I missed this post until now. Yep. I think you are right on that one. It's all marketing and the relationship business has exploded over the last decade.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 20:30:00

I was hippie, when hippies weren't cool. Now that hippies are all conformists, I reject that lifestyle.

Tyranny by another name is still tyranny.

You have some funny ideas about a lot of things, Bill. But that's ok. Lets form a drum circle and smoke a peace pipe, bringing harmony to the world.

Posted Image

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 17:59:00

It's true. You are a rare bird.

Can we form a drum circle and a hug a tree together? Set that inner hippie free, brother.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 17:52:00

I believe you, Mister Green Genes.

Thanks, Bill. I hope you're sincere about that.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 17:47:00

Wow, it's a good thing all of Steven's self-hating didn't flush this thread down the crapper!

Care to explain what you mean by my self-hating?

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 17:12:00

Well, I'm at a disadvantage because I'm not a "clique" player. I am a "your friendly rogue next door".

Mike, we may disagree here and even get into a heated arguments, but don't let Bill's conspiracy theories drag you under the water. I'm one of the last persons on this earth who is clique-ish or conspiring. My opinions are that of my own and no one else.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 17:10:00

First let me say, you are a tad full of it for saying that. I was with my ex wife (USC) for approx 5 months before we got married. And were married for 18 year. I have Indian friends who NEVER MET until they were standing at the altar, and they are still married, 50 years later. And another one whose family is currently choosing his wife for him, and all he asks of them is that he get to meet her and talk before the wedding, and to have a final say in actually getting married. (I'm not saying it is a wise idea to meet and get married right away, just that waiting and "getting to know each other" isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It's what a couple puts into a relationship that matters, whether they are married or dating).

I agree to a point that length of courtship is no guarantee of a successful marriage, but I wouldn't define success as when two people stay married. There are some marriages that are toxic and should end, but don't or last way longer than they should. My point was that through these international dating agencies, it is extremely easy to find a Filipina who is more than eager to marry a Kano, regardless of who it is. The dynamics that are there, mean that there are a lot more potential problems which any member who has been here long enough, has read. Rarely will you read a post from a guy who says, "well, we gave it our best and just didn't work." What most of the post mortem posts say is, "she lied to me" or about some other form of betrayal on the Filipina's part with the man being the victim. It's like watching a family member or friend get into a relationship that you can see leading to nowhere, but to which they were clueless about the potential disaster. There's a lot of denial going into these relationships which gets exasperated by an industry's hype that these girls are like loyal, lap dogs.

I am curious... why are you always harping on standards, double standards, Fil-Am relationships, online dating sites, etc., when you are yourself married to a Pinay? It's almost like you think it's a bad thing, and yet you did it. So why always harp on it? Why not just wish people well, regardless of HOW they meet, or of how quickly they choose to get married, or of their age differences? Are you that unhappy with your marriage, that you feel the need to warn others away? It would be interesting to hear your wife's thoughts sometimes on here. How come she never posts?

I didn't marry my wife based on any preconceived notions about who she was from any sales pitch. Although we didn't meet through an international dating service, I did join one prior to meeting her and so I experienced firsthand, the hype and the process. I never believed in the hype that Filipinas are any more beautiful than American women, or that they are any more loyal, or any more affectionate, sensual, <insert any of the other stereotypes>. I knew that the Philippines was predominantly Catholic and that was something I considered only in that I felt after a failed first marriage, that it would be important to marry someone with similar background, values, but didn't believe the Philippines held the corner market on such values.

Anyone who's been around on VJ long enough, knows that I've tended to be a gadfly about a lot of things. I suppose that upsets some people. Guys have and will continue to perpetuate the hype about Filipinas being like this or like that, so why can't we have some perspective that if we going to generalize or stereotype, it's a two-way street? I've seen other VJ'er's try to challenge such notions, only to waved off as not understanding the Filipino culture or what it's like to actually be married to a Filipina. Although I'm no expert (real or imagined) on Filipino culture, I'm married to a Filipina, and so maybe coming from me will hold more validity.

Edited by DFH, 20 July 2011 - 05:06 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 17:03:00

IMO, this is a given. "Buyer beware" comes with anything in life. I'm not flinching. I'm trying to understand your motivation. When I read your posts / comments regarding IDS...most of the time I read it as another innuendo... suggesting that most of the men and women participating (in IDS) are either vulnerable "schlubs" (men) or predators ("certain types of women")...furthermore...I interpret your message to make the site itself responsible because of the lures it casts.
I don't deny..."sex sells" is an advertising agenda world wide. Men and women marry for various reasons. Who should decide anothers position / approach to identifying his/her mate? I do think a basic element of choice is visual..more so for men than women.
Perhaps I am projecting as well. Perhaps I am somewhat naive. I do know that many predators travel to fili with agendas I consider to be immoral. I also think many of these predators become the prey..Kudos for Karma!
IMO. IDS provides a venue that allows the "good boys and girls" a chance to meet in a "safe" way. IDS provides a great filtering mechanism and forces conversation which leads to compatibility discussion.
There is no perfect scenario but I would encourage any1, charming or not, to consider trying out the search venue provided by IDS.

I agree with you that international dating sites can and have created some great relationships. But Mike, while you seem focused on my pointing out the double standard that goes on with many of the men here with regard to stereotypes, you don't seem to have the same level of intolerance for when guys here continue to perpetuate the stereotypes of Filipinas. Perhaps it is because you too were influenced by some of the sales pitch of the international dating industry, I don't know, but I wouldn't necessarily blame you if you did. Marketing works.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 11:23:00

The problem, Steven, is who is you audience? Most of the poor saps here are already under the spells of the Asian beauties, and wouldn't have it any other way. For them, we need to think positive. The folks you need to warn are the ones that still have their faculties, and wallets, intact.

I see your point there, sir, however, I'm not trying to warn anyone. I'm calling a spade a spade. Here's the typical scenario: A middle-aged American male divorce', after unsuccessful attempts at finding a compatible partner he finds attractive, decides to give one of these international dating sites a try. Perhaps he knows someone married to a Filipina or he's heard the rumors that they make "excellent wives," so he joins. Within the first day, perhaps hours, he's both shocked and amazed, not only at the number of beautiful, young Filipinas eager to marry, but who are writing or ringing him to chat. All this newfound attention feels wonderful, so he ventures into the thick of it, chatting with this girl or that one. Most of them are all so charming - no bad attitudes, like some of the American women he knows. With so many to choose, he starts to narrow down his search, eliminating all the potential choices much like the reality show, The Bachelor. There's already talk of going over there to meet them. Finally, he narrows it down to one lucky girl, and proceeds to plan his trip to the Philippines. He might already be thinking about the process to get her over here. It all happens very quickly and with very little courtship effort. Very enticing for men who've grown tired of the American dating scene. Who can blame them? I can't. There is a downside, however. And that's when he eventually realizes that she doesn't quite live up to the sales pitch that first lured him in, and unfortunately, for most of these guys, they don't have the luxury of spending much time with her in person, before making the decision to bring her over. Yet these very same men will not only defend those stereotypes of Filipinas, but will get defensive when being stereotyped themselves. There's a bit of double-standard going on, but not surprising, given the fact that most of these men went searching for women who are a throwback to an era before the feminist movement.

Edited by DFH, 19 July 2011 - 10:14 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 22:12:00

Are you guys really buying this stuff from "DFH" He changes his name more than most people change their undies. WOW, 24 posts per day man! Congrats!

If this any indication that my point is hitting home, then I'm glad. The sooner we can get past these threads that focus on men getting defensive about finding a Filipina bride because they bought into the sales pitch, the better for all.

Edited by DFH, 19 July 2011 - 09:49 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 21:49:00

Sometime you have to cross a minefield to get to your objective. Ignoring the mines would be just as hazardous as denying that they exist.

I've stated before and I'll state again - I think international dating (or electronic dating in its various forms) can be a good thing, but it comes with its own precautions, one being that it thrives on selling stereotypes of Filipinas, which in turn seems to attract certain types of men. Why does that make some of the men here flinch? It is what it is. I don't doubt that many of these Fil/Am marriages have been great so far. Hey, as long as both sides are adults and have the capacity to know what they are getting themselves into, go for it. But you can't put frosting on a piece of ####### and call it dessert....unless you're Divine from those John Waters films.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 21:38:00

Filipina Dating Sites
Posted Image

The best place, beyond a doubt, to see the hottest Filipinas is Cherry Blossoms. They're one of the oldest dating sites on the web and they offer a first rate service. Check out their website or read our Cherry Blossoms Review if you want to know more about their services.

A Foreign Affair and Asian Beauties also have a bunch of hot Filipina on their site, and many women who are serious about marriage congregate to A Foreign Affair, but you just can't beat Cherry Blossoms for the sheer volume of Filipina dating profiles.

CB really has become the GoTo site for all hot young Filipinas looking to snag a foreign boyfriend, so I would start your search there.

Filipina Brides
Filipina brides are a real catch. The Philippines is the birth place of modern international dating and it is still a hot spot for foreign brides. Filipinas were the first modern mail order brides back in the 1970's. Women in the Philippines tend to be short, sweet, and very feminine.

......

Hot Filipinas nearly all speak English and they have a pretty good grasp of Western culture.

......
That means you that you don't have to spend as much time explaining the basics of life in America to beautiful Filipina women. Usually there are very few social issues to overcome when a Filipina bride marries a man from a Western country.

Religion and Philippines Brides
Most hot Filipina brides are going to take their religion very seriously, especially if there are any children involved. You are probably going to have to go to Mass, learn to play bingo, and attend potluck dinners at the Knights of Columbus hall. If she's sweet, smart, hot, and actually cares about you that's not so bad, but be a man and draw the line at becoming a Notre Dame fan!

Everyone is different and generalizing about national characteristics is one of the biggest mistakes that you can make in international dating, but this is one of the best reasons to meet the your hot Filipinas mom, because if her mother is a wild-eyed pre-Reformation Catholic then that is probably what your girl will be like in twenty or thirty years.

Of course, in twenty or thirty years you probably won't care, but you can never tell. Also, I am sure for Catholic men a hot Philipina bride is a real attraction. Well, if that is your take then you, sir are the proverbial right man in the right place, because there are tons of very conservative Filipina ladies out there for you to choose from.

Generally, these conservative Filipina ladies are going to have the same cultural and religious views as the most conservative elements of the American Catholic Church, but they seem to take veneration of the saints and some of the other traditional elements of Catholic worship farther than is common in the United States or Europe.

Submissive Philippines Girls

With Filipino mail order brides the issue of the submissive bride is something you should be aware of even if submissiveness is not on the list of characteristics you are looking for in a wife or girlfriend, because often the hot Filipinas will assume that you want a submissive bride.

This is because of the Philippines role as the original center of the mail order bride business in the 1970s and 1980s. In those days many older guys, often guys born in the 1920s and even earlier, came to Manila specifically to find a submissive young bride, or at least that was the perception.

But these were literally men born before World War II who felt that the world had turned upside down with the women's rights movement and the other cultural changes of the 1960s. These guys wanted a submissive bride, because they couldn't deal with the modern world.

Well, at least that was the perception even among Filipino mail order brides and it is still the perception to some extent among Philippines women.

This can cause a problem for you, because some of the modern educated young Filipinas really object to the image. So, if you aren't looking for a submissive little lady then you need to explain that right away, because your beautiful Filipina will probably assume that is what you want - a submissive old fashioned bride.

http://www.internati...ilipina-brides/

Edited by DFH, 19 July 2011 - 09:29 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 21:29:00

Please speak for yourself. (That's why I have asked you (before) if you are sometimes projecting) My wife and I know many (very happily married) Fil-Am couples that met via IDS.
Please don't stereotype.

I'm sure there are. Some international dating sites are better than others, but generally speaking, they tend to use the same sales pitch across the board. And so here's an industry that thrives on stereotyping Filipinas, but you take offense to stereotyping the men who use them? It goes both ways, amigo.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 21:14:00

With your amazingly charming personality it's shocking that you failed miserably.....well...shocking to you.

If I had an amazing charming personality, I wouldn't have to be looking for women that 10,000 miles away from my charms. The international dating industry thrives on schlubs like me. Men who are socially and aesthetically challenged. Big teddy bears with even bigger heart inside (made of cheese).

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 20:54:00

I suppose, it's like the rule, never shop when you are hungry.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 20:49:00

The girl falling out of her top would be a clue that you are being ripped off.

Oh that was just an example banner. I could post dozens of them here. They're all essentially making the same sales pitch.

Posted Image

"Women from the Philippines are well known for their beauty, traditional values and their character of being excellent wives.
Cultural divergences are marginal; nearly all speak English and are Christians."

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 20:39:00

You must have really gotten burned bad to carry such deep wounds that don't appear to be healing.

I did. I really believed that for $20 a month, I too could have a Filipina that lived up to all the hype the international dating industry was throwing at me.

Posted Image

Filipino women are well known abroad for their unique personality traits, a subtle mix of elegance and femininity that attracts attention; especially the attention of men who are looking for a long-lasting and sincere relationship with a single foreign lady.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 20:03:00

Love is where it finds you.

...even from an international dating site with a great sales pitch.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 19:51:00

I think you are spending too much time in that facebook group with all them angry white women.

(I think you are spending too much time obsessing over conspiracy theories, but that's just my opinion)

Considering the number of "She lied to me" and "My journey is over" threads that I have read here in the Philippine Subforum, it's a fair question to ask. You don't think the CO is going to scrutinize the relationship in the interview?

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 19:44:00

My family may not like her age. But when they see her heart, they will not have a choice but to fall in love with her as well.

Do you honestly think she's ready at such a young age, with no previous relationship experience? I wish you two the best, but IMHO, if I were the CO, I would take pause over those facts as well as the very fast courtship.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 17:10:00

If there is an imbalance out there it will not be the thin and beautiful girls from good homes in the prime of their youth that will be left holding the bag. The length of the line is irrelevant - they are at the front.

Yep.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-05 20:01:00

the problem with other countries or cultures in other is not that the girls want to leave their country. But that there are not enough guys to choose form. The girls outnumber the guys tremendously.

Philippines Sex ratio

Sex ratio: at birth: 1.05 male(s)/female
under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 1 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 0.76 male(s)/female
total population: 1 male(s)/female (2011 est.)

Definition: This entry includes the number of males for each female in five age groups - at birth, under 15 years, 15-64 years, 65 years and over, and for the total population. Sex ratio at birth has recently emerged as an indicator of certain kinds of sex discrimination in some countries. For instance, high sex ratios at birth in some Asian countries are now attributed to sex-selective abortion and infanticide due to a strong preference for sons. This will affect future marriage patterns and fertility patterns. Eventually, it could cause unrest among young adult males who are unable to find partners.

Source: CIA World Factbook - Unless otherwise noted, information in this page is accurate as of March 11, 2010

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-05 16:14:00

So if a 45 year old American gets tired of the Old Nag Hag Bag Americana types, he goes over seas and is INSTANTLY treated as if he was Brad Pitt to the young, nubile and beautiful Filipinas.

What goes around comes around. When that nubile, hot Filipina wife gets tired of her flabby Old Fart with his shriveled up love gun, and finds herself a much younger stud, it will complete the circle.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-05 14:48:00

Okay, I have to ask: With all due respect, what are you hoping to accomplish?

Darren didn't say "all Filipinas" or "most Filipinas", he simply said "many Filipinas". He also was speaking about them remaining faithful after the spouse dies. He didn't necessarily say they were more faithful in the marriage than other women; he was pointing out something different - after the spouse dies. If this is something he has witnessed, it is an interesting topic and I'd be curious to know more. So, what issue do you have with what he said?

So, again, what are you hoping to accomplish?

Broad generalizations about Filipinas are marketing tools used by the international dating industry as a sales pitch. If I had the time, I'd post some banners from some of the sites. Some of the comments made by Americans about their Filipina spouses are near identical to those sales pitches, which is actually amusing. It certainly shows the power of marketing. The executives of those companies must be grinning from ear to ear over how successful they've been in perpetuating mythical stereotypes about Filipinas to eager American men.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-02 20:33:00

It doesn't matter to me what others think. I have been married to my beautiful Filipina 4 years today........ Life is great!!!!!!!

Happy 4th Anniversary!

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-01 10:10:00

Blah. Blah. Blah. There are all kinds of marriages in the US. Not everybody gets married by being dunked in a barrel of dandelion wine in the middle of a hippie drum circle. Equality is overrated.

Marriage equality is a natural evolution out of the need for women to be able survive should the marriage not last or if the husband dies.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-30 20:05:00

From friends - they were struck by her youth, beauty, and charm. Because they know me, their comments are along the lines of how wonderful she has been for my life. They were all thrilled for me because I was thrilled.

Malicious people will of course try to invalidate your marriage and put you on the defensive with the types of comments mentioned in the OP. Maximum jealousy and envy.

Those aren't your friends.

Here in America, people tend to view modern marriage as an equal partnership, where both spouses are pretty much on equal footing with regard to education, maturity, etc. When a woman is totally dependent on her husband financially, she's vulnerable should anything happen to him and if he's quite a bit older, chances are she'll be alive for a long time after he's passed away.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 30 June 2011 - 06:54 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-30 18:54:00

1. She only wants a green card.
1a. She only wants to come to the US and become a citizen.
1b. She will run off and become a citizen as soon as she arrives.
2. Did you buy a child bride? (20 year age diff).
3. What don't you like American women.
4. Where is she going to live when she gets here? (with me of course)
5. Don't rush into marriage when she gets here -- give it about 6 months to see if you like her. (we are doing a K1)

It comes with the territory when marrying a much younger woman from a Third World country that you initially met online and quickly got engaged to compared to most couples in the states who typically take a lot longer to get engaged. Granted, there's really no other way for the two of you to live together short of the K1 or marrying her outright. The reality is, it looks suspicious from the outside and all you can do is take it on the chin and hope that your future marriage will prove them all wrong. Statistically, they do have many examples that support those claims.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 29 June 2011 - 09:11 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-29 14:55:00

Interview passed!! BUT...

Congrats, Dave! :star:

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-11 20:28:00

Things to do when you visit Philiipines

I'd like to help facilitate a revolution for the poor people.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-07 15:45:00

i miss the philippines

just a week.... :(thank you..

Ah, I remember it was rough for my wife too. Hang in there. Have your husband take you to Mass on Sunday and you might just run into some other Filipinos. As difficult as it is, you've got to move forward and begin your new life here, and that shouldn't be limited to just your husband, especially when you had a whole network of family and friends for love and support. You can start a new network of friends here, while still keeping in touch with the ones back home. Take care and stay positive. (F)

Edited by DFH, 11 August 2011 - 08:05 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-08-11 20:05:00