biggish data

Got married today!!

We got married today!! We are both very happy! She is adjusting really well to this area of the world!

Congrats! What part of the country are you living in?

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 00:39:00

WES = World Education Service, if I remember right. My wife had to have her transcripts evaluated through WES specifically, to get her teachers license here.

Ah, ok. Yeah, for someone with a college degree, it would make sense, but IMO, I'm not sure it's worth the trouble just for a high school diploma.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-23 17:55:00

Of course, I have to pass the NCLEX-RN to get an RN license in the US and to be able to work there as a nurse. What I mean is, any good job in the medical area other than RN..

I'm not sure how it is in other parts of the country, but here where I live there is a growing demand for health care workers. It is difficult though for new graduates to get hired, but it does happen. If you have your Bachelors in Nursing, once you are certified in a state, I think you should be able to find work, but it might take some careful planning, persistence and being at the right place at the right time.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-23 17:54:00

I think if the person wants to apply for a CNA or RN license in the state he/she intends to have a license with, then WES might not be a good service for credential evaluation I think.. I would suggest to check on the BON website of the state the applicant wants to have a license with (for RN license, LPN, CNA,...), they have lists of reccommended credential evaluation services like ERES, CGFNS, etc..

But if you simply just want to study in the US (non-medical field courses), WES might be great to have your credentials evaluated.

Anyone is free to correct me if I'm wrong.

After talking with my wife about this (trying to get your high school transcripts evaluated) she said it would be a lot easier to just take the equivalency test (GED).

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-23 10:16:00

Hello. Do you think a BS in Nursing graduate (not RN) could get a job within the medical field even if no work experience? Just wondering.

You mean from the Philippines? I believe you have to pass an exam here to work as a nurse, but I'm sure there are places that will someone without experience.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-23 10:13:00

Thanks for the reply I will let her know, she just noticed one of the commercials on TV and decided to find out more info. The entire course is 1k so not very expensive, regardless she will need it for employment right? Or will most offices accept a foreign high school diploma?

Nope. She could get a job at a dental office with little to no experience and no training. It depends on where you live and the place she's applying at. There is no state requirement to be certified as a medical assistant that I'm aware of. You can check with your state, but IMO, the whole certificate thing is a ploy to get naive people to pay a chunk of money for training they don't need.

What kind of pay is she looking or hoping for? Because most MA jobs aren't going to pay any more than if she worked in retail. A CNA license is legit though because it is required by the Feds for quality of health care professionals, however, some long term facilities will hire Caretakers and they can do certain, limited tasks. There's a whole slew of jobs in the medical field that she could potentially get hired for, and most of the entry level don't require any formal training or certification. Save the money or use it on something that is legit.

Edited by DFH, 22 July 2011 - 12:24 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-22 12:22:00

She is currently in the USA with me and the wedding is next month. https://www.wes.org/ is the organization most colleges us to evaluate foreign transcripts and degrees. She is going for a medical assistant certificate which has no discount for residency and is a one year cert.

Ah, ok. I'm currently working in the medical field and I would recommend not spending the money on getting a medical assistant certificate because they are worthless. For one, many medical offices will hire someone without any experience or training. For example, my wife currently works at an orthodontist's office as an assistant. Although she was actually a practicing dentist back in the Philippines, most of her co-workers had little to no experience when they were hired. Also, it's a pretty dead end job - good to hold while attending school, but not something anyone should pay to get certified for.

Instead, I'd recommend looking into her getting a CNA license (nurse assistant). She can take just a semester to do it and then be able to work at a hospital, office, or long term care facility, and then if she wants, she can gradually work towards becoming an RN.

Just be wary of these for-profit, vocation schools. They cost way more than they are worth and you can find many similar certificate programs at your local community college for a fraction of the cost. A semester for the CNA at a community college would be about $1,000, including books and supplies.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-22 11:15:00

Working on getting my fiancees transcripts and getting her admitted to college. WES requires the transcripts to be sent directly to them which based on the trouble we are having with her school in ph it does not seem possible. Anyone else have this problem? Are there are other organizations that are as recognized as WES and will just take the transcripts delivered from us?

What is WES? My wife's about to attend university here and had to get her official transcripts from the college and university she attended back in the Philippines. It was a bit of headache - she had to call the school up herself and then get family members to go directly to the school. As far as I understand it, each college or university will require the official transcripts directly from the school.

You mention that she's still your fiancee - is she state-side yet? Even more important than getting her official transcripts, you'll want to get married first and apply for AOS (2 year Green Card), mainly to establish her residency. Out of state tuition is outrageous enough, but trying to go to college as a foreign student is incredibly expensive. My wife just waited a year (we moved to this state just about a year ago), for her in-state residency to take effect. The difference is in the thousands of dollars.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-22 10:30:00

Things your wife/fiancee found strange about the states

Steven, all he said was those were the experiences of his lady; things which are different for her compared to where she is from. He didn't "make it sound" like anything else by saying, "some of the things she found weird:".

Actually, the title of this thread is about what she finds strange about the states, and the tendency is for people to generalize about a place. Americans do it with each state. For example, if you tell someone you're from California, they think you eat yogurt and granola. It's human nature. My wife was no different as she initially thought everything she experienced when she first arrived was, "how it is like in America," and it took awhile for her to realize just how big and diverse this country is. So there's not only a cultural shock because of moving to a different country, but moving from the city to a small town here in America, which probably isn't too different from an American spouse coming from say NYC to live in Alabama.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-25 20:34:00

Things your wife/fiancee found strange about the states

Are you really as bitter as you sound? I started a post of MY WIFEs experience and you come off sounding like an creep.

Yep, I am a small town hick, I grew up in Baltimore, just outside the city limits. I spend a career in the military with 17 years overseas. Stateside assignments in LA, Tucson, Panama City, Norfolk. Retired from the Air Force and currently working as a missile systems engineer for the USAF and still travel extensively; Pt Mugu, Las Vegas, San Antonio, Washington DC, Okinawa, South Korea, etc.

I really don't need a lesson from you concerning you whether her impressions are correct/incorrect/valid or invalid. The impressions were from where we live, not an overview of the USA.

Our banks don't use deposit slips or withdrawal slips. I guess you could request one if you really wanted it. See if you can follow this.

Step one - go the counter with your Bank ID/ATM card and another form of ID.
Step two - explain to the teller what you want to; deposit/withdrawal etc.
Step three - take your money, or give them the deposit.
Step four - take you receipt and go, and thank the teller for asking you to have a nice day.

We have virtually no public transportation here, and yes she knows that is why everyone has a car. Filipina's? There are at least 100 within 20 miles; three from her home town. There is a Sari Sari store (thats the name), less than a mile from our home.

Yep, took her to the "city", we don't like it very much. However we still visit relatives in Richmond, Baltimore, Washington and Chicago.

If you have nothing positive to say, why say anything?

There was nothing bitter about my statement. You made it sound like where you live is the typical American town and it apparently isn't, which is fine, as this great country is pretty diverse. Perhaps you should have started out by stating that your wife comes from a populated city and where you live, the population is 37 and that includes livestock. And before you get defensive, I grew up in a small town of less than 3,000 (Gilbert, AZ), so I'm speaking from personal experience. Gilbert has since grown, but if I had brought my spouse over to live in the Gilbert I grew up in, I would make sure she knew it wasn't in any way a representation of the country as a whole. And to be fair, my wife was constantly making comparisons based on generalizations when she first got here. It's taken a few years for her to experience the diversity here and realize that one experience here in America is only a small slice of the whole pie.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 25 June 2011 - 07:22 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-25 19:20:00

Things your wife/fiancee found strange about the states

I still get a laugh when I think about my wife's first few months here. She has been here one year next month. some of the things she found weird:

1. No real visible security at the mall or banks.
2. 24 hour major stores
3. No deposit or withdrawal slips
4. You can get your money back when you return something.
5. Internet shopping (yes she now has it mastered).
6. Military discounts
7. Limitless refills on drinks at restaurants
8. People don't care about your middle name on documents.
9. American teenagers and their freedom
10. Even poor people have a car
11. Black Friday shopping adventure
12. What kids wear to school, (we have two high school daughters)
13. Shooting sports (she now has two rifles and is getting quite good)
14. Lack of public transportation, (we have no busses or taxi's where we live)
Last but not least, never ending ED commercials. She asked me who Ed was. When I told her, it was the first time I had seen a filipina blush.

Regarding the ones highlighted in red above, where do you guys live? I don't know of any bank that doesn't require a filled out deposit or withdrawal slip. There are plenty of poor people getting by without a car, but if you live in an urban-sprawled area, it's just a lot more difficult to get by without one. And lack of public transportation? I'd recommend taking her on a nice drive to a city nearby where she'll quickly realize that where you live isn't exactly the norm for most Americans. She'll probably find a lot more Filipinos and perhaps even find some Filipino shops. It sounds like she was a city girl and you're a small town hick.

My wife lived in Cebu and when she first came to live in the states, we were in a suburb of Orange County, CA. The freeway system and the roads in general were something that took her by suprise, but even Americans visiting LA are caught off guard by the freeways. Also, she got the impression that a lot of people are "rich" (which is somewhat true in Southern California), but her measurement for being rich was based on a country without a true Middle Class. That's why a lot of these Filipinas being courted by Kanos are easily impressed because all some of the Kanos have to do is show them a picture of their car and driveway and the Filipinas think these fellas are wealthy.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 25 June 2011 - 05:08 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-25 17:06:00

filipino BBQ

My babysitter when I was little was a filipina who used to make the most amazing BBQ. I haven't had it for years but I started to think about it recently and decided I had to have it again. The thing I remember was that the marinade was really simple - I think just water, brown sugar and soy sauce? - but so delicious.

Anyway, I have been perusing the web looking for something like it and haven't quite found anything that simple. I don't recall it having onions, garlic or tomatoes which a lot of these online recipes call for. Does anyone know what I am talking about? Is there a killer ingredient that makes it really tasty? Anyone have any good recipes?

They add soy sauce and vinegar (toyo suka) to just about everything, so that's probably the killer ingredient(s) you are looking for in just the right amounts. You can find Filipino brand soy sauce and vinegar at most Asian markets (like 99 Ranch).

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-27 08:32:00

visa interview and fiancee age

Darren, you got engaged very quickly to a 19 year old who has never had a boyfriend before. Do you really think she's ready?

Edited by 8TBVBN, 18 July 2011 - 05:24 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-18 17:23:00

How Did She Do This?!

When she married a USC, she became eligible to file AOS, regardless of how she entered the US.
When she was abused by her USC husband, she became eligible to self-file her AOS under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).
Once the VAWA application is approved, the status of the marriage to the USC abuser is no longer relevant.
Sounds like a pretty straight forward application of VAWA to me. This is exactly the sort of situation it was written for.

Well stated. :thumbs:

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-27 02:44:00

spare the rod and spoil the child...... what good does that do?????? I think Some countries are seeing the results already....Besides, it lets you know you ARE loved. Childhood is fun, but it is also a time for learning. How to be responsible as an adult with your place in society. Not everyone is raised the same. You choose whether or not to live in that society. If you can't take it, move. Otherwise if you choose to live in that society, don't complain... just move along, move along.

Darren, are you in favor of hanging a child in a rice sack and beating him with a bamboo stick as an acceptable form of punishment?

That reminds me of a neighbor who would spit outside his house, send his wife to the market and tell her to be back before it dries out. It's just as sick as my cousin (whose dad was "the boss"), beats her husband. That is also mostly true(partly why I never dated a Filipino). Although, I can never understand it as I am one of those who lives in the ideal world thinking, there is such a thing as equality and whose prerequisite in getting married is a guy who treats me what I deserved as a person and do the same, otherwise there will be no marriage. Thus, making it different from what I've seen.

Might also note, the italicized is no fun. It takes away the joy of childhood.

It's always good to hear from Filipinas on these matters.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-20 17:36:00

take away her crutches

That's profound.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 22:19:00

Wow, Marc. It sounds like you've reached your boiling point. You should vent and you have the right to seek advice from others, but IMO, this is probably not the best avenue on a message board. Try not to keep score with regard to monetary contribution. IMO, that's never fair nor accurate. In a healthy marriage, it's never your money and her money. Take this time away from her and do some self reflecting. Be open to the reality that maybe you two just aren't compatible, or if you are - figure out why you live such separate lives.

Edited by DFH, 19 July 2011 - 08:35 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 20:32:00

While I'm guilty of silent treatment, it is because I'm so angry and don't know how to vent it, without hurting others(friends,relatives and parent).

I grew up from it. I just use silent treatment when saying "I am angry because..., please..." won't work with my husband(usually with habits, actually just one habit). With fellow Pinoys, I just usually cut my losses than use silent treatment. I'm glad I'm almost always heard and I try to always hear my husband out as well. Neither of us is the boss. Neither of us is the type that can be bossed around. Not him,not me.

That is great to hear. :thumbs:

About not knowing how to vent when you are so angry - I think that for most people in this world, expressing anger in a constructive way is something that must be learned, especially if you grew up never being able to express your anger in a healthy way. Some marriage counselors believe that marriage is where most of us learn to be adults, and I think there is some truth to that.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-18 21:38:00

You think that's healthy? That's sounds to me like emotional withdrawal. It might be cultural that Filipinos generally shy away from confrontation, but I can see that trait being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity (she's can't handle the tough issues within the marriage), while the husband can just take it on the chin.

Excuse me Mr. Fancypants. I don't think I like being called emotionally immature. We have our way of doing things. Perhaps you should respect that. I call it "lambing" when I make tampo. It's like, "If I didn't love you, I would probably kill you for the slight." Just feel lucky that your wife still loves you.

I said that I can see it being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity - meaning that, a husband could think that his wife is unable to handle tough situations in a level-headed way, therefore justifying "laying down the law" so to speak.

That's interesting what you say as lambing - my wife has explained lambing as being affectionate/loving. Could it mean different things depending on where you grew up?

Edited by 8TBVBN, 18 July 2011 - 12:13 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-18 12:13:00

Not everyone can express themselves "on the spot", particularly when they are upset. Add to this the language differences/difficulties, and it's not necessarily a bad idea for some to be quiet while they contemplate the situation to better present/explain themselves.

Many people open their mouths and spout off when they would be better served by keeping their counsel, cooling off, and THEN trying to explain their feelings.

I agree with that...so long as it's a two way street. :thumbs:

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-18 10:17:00

I pointed out in my post that, if I had the option of a woman being quiet when she's upset or a woman who screams at me when she's upset, then I'd prefer the quiet one. I have no idea why you consider that emotional immaturity. And please don't confuse quiet with meek and submissive. Just because she is quiet doesn't mean I get to have the final say in anything. It just means we can handle issues without yelling and screaming at each other. If that makes us happy, I don't see why that's an issue for anyone else.

I'm trying hard to understand how having a wife become quiet and withdrawn when she is upset is preferred over her feeling comfortable and confident to talk it out. Why does it have to be one of extremes (yelling at each other or her keeping quiet)? Sounds to me like making concessions between two people who for whatever reasons (culture, family history) avoid conflict.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-18 01:38:00

Well, at least there is a cultural explanation for that behavior and it's normal within the culture...no psycho behavior. I can't stand it myself...and managed to find a filipina wife who doesn't do tampo...or throw things around the room. They are actually out there.

Nevertheless, the reasons for tampo make sense and it's a lot better than dodging dishes, pots & pans, laptops or knives.

Some of the men have said they find it to be a desirable trait. If she remains silent when she disagrees with the husband, that's a golden ticket for a guy who likes to have the final say.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 17 July 2011 - 07:08 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-17 19:08:00

You need to make her understand she is your wife. You are the man of the house. Show her you care but not too much. That could prolly be a reason why she is bratty too. Don't spoil her too much. She needs to "woman up".

What do you mean by "you are the man of the house?" That he has the final say in things?

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-17 18:30:00

Tampo is not pulling back so the argument ceases; tampo is preventing an argument before it starts.

You think that's healthy? That's sounds to me like emotional withdrawal. It might be cultural that Filipinos generally shy away from confrontation, but I can see that trait being exploited and interpreted as emotional immaturity (she's can't handle the tough issues within the marriage), while the husband can just take it on the chin.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-17 18:24:00

I've got a really poor track record on this type of thing. I was actually in a relationship kind of like that for 26 years.

That being said - Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

So no, if the pattern had been going on for a while (more than two years and less than 26 ), I wouldn't be able to keep on loving him. And I wouldn't expect him to change.

I also wouldn't assume that I could send him home just because I was hurt. I would not assume that I could "send him back to the village" for the relatives to straighten out. And I wouldn't expect the US Government to play along with any games of vengeance I had in mind. It ain't their problem I made a mistake.

See, I don't see this kind of thing as just a problem of guys thinking they can import a spouse and ditch her when she doesn't work out. So that's not what sends my blood pressure up when I read this type of post.

I see lots of claims of culturism as excuses for behaviors of the foreign spouse. What about the US culture of divorce? What about the US microwave mentality where every thing has gotta be now and it's gotta be great and I'm p*ssed and want a refund if I don't get my fries super sized right now?

I think that's the problem with a lot of the "ship her home" talk. A whole bunch of us (including myself) have been married before. We've probably got a lot less tolerance for marital BS than we did the first time around. And there's boatloads of stats out there that prove second marriages have a lower success rate than first marriages.

So, I kind of think men (or women for that matter) who talk trash about shipping their foreign spouse home, is the same kind of person who wold throw their US spouses clothes out on the front lawn and light a match to them. It just sounds more shocking to hear someone talking about sending someone back to their home country. Like - that they believe this kind of power imbalance is OK.

It's worth noting all the stink that was put up when IMBRA became law. There were lots of men angry over the new restrictions on how many times they could go through the process (K-1) if the first one didn't work out. I don't know why some guys here get defensive when this stuff is brought out in the open. The international dating market is and will continue to be a key factor in most of these international relationships, and it's an industry that caters to impulsive, I-want-it-now behavior, which leads to, I-want-a-refund when the product doesn't live up to the hype.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-15 19:48:00

Bill, you sound tampo. You mad, bro?

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 18:46:00

I don't think Dave took your comment out of context. It was your comment that's out of thread context. (and) I think it is typical of you to drop a negative innuendo regarding online dating at every (available or not) opportunity so, I'm not surpised. (but) I am curious why you do it. Baiting? Unresolved issue? or What?

The international dating market will always cast its shadow on many of these discussions and it becomes visible the moment an American spouse makes any over generalizations about Filipinas, which happened right here in this thread before I even said a word about dating sites. So like it or not, it's there - the myths and stereotypes continuously perpetuated by the very men who bought into it.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 18:34:00

I agree, it IS off topic, and IMHO, incorrect, hence my asking for clarification. Online dating is a huge movement, and I am pretty sure it's hard to typify the average applicant, regardless of their nationality.

Didn't meet mine on a dating site, but she DOES have a temper. And she CAN do the tampo thing for a day or two. As can most Pinays I know, and the majority of them never used a dating site to find their mates. So I don't think the aforementioned behavior has anything to do with the choice of finding a mate.

I CAN say that in my experience, Pinays are overall more jealous than all the American women I have known, that they get offended by some things we men do to them (cultural differences) that American women would not get so upset about, and that they are more family-centered than most American women I know. Again, this has nothing to do with them being "the type of women who use online dating services", cuz the ones I know, simply don't.

And tempers? Quicker to flare, slower to cool than most American women I know, but THAT is a personal thing, not cultural.

I was thinking more along the line of priests who are pedophiles. Not all priests are pedophiles and not all pedophiles choose to become priests, but obviously the profession attracts more than it's share of pedophiles. There very well may be cultural factors that contribute to Filipinas throwing tantrums, but IMO, that is no excuse to behave that way in a marriage. There have been enough Filipinas here who have piped in and stated this type of behavior is not normal, yet there seems to be a lot of this type of behavior experienced by American men with Filipina wives, so there is something there. While your wife didn't court you through a dating service, she did marry a foreigner. I don't know the answer, but apparently there seems to be correlation between these international marriages and Filipinas that have tantrums. I'm curious to hear from Filipinas who admit to having tantrums, if they saw this type of behavior from the mothers?

Edited by 8TBVBN, 14 July 2011 - 03:03 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 15:02:00

http://www.raisingfi...western_03.html

From what little I have seen thus far, I would have to agree that it is a patriarchal culture, but it is matricentric. The man is the head of the household, the women take the man's name in marriage.

Having said that, a lot of women in the PI work hard, either at home or at a job, to provide the best for their family. Even now, my fiancee provides a lot for them, more so than her brother.

Perhaps that's a more accurate description, but same with my wife's family. She has 3 sisters and one brother. The sisters have all worked hard to help the family, while her brother is currently unemployed (left his last job voluntarily). The sisters have adorned him with all kinds of gifts (clothing, shoes, electronics).

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 14:47:00

Probably bakla/bayot. I bet his mommy dressed him up like a little girl and made him play with dolls.

Bill, it's hard to know whether the BS your shoveling is just you trolling or that you really believe it. What the author states about the dynamics of many Filipino households is true. My wife's father has a piggery, but I don't know when the last time he held a regular job and the money he makes from selling pigs never is seen by the family. He did work when he was younger, but he seems to have no skills in managing money compared to his wife. She clearly runs the household even if the father might hold some kind of symbolic status as head of the household, it's the wife who calls the shots. And that's pretty much what you described in your post earlier, stating that your wife is always right.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 14 July 2011 - 02:38 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 14:37:00

I'm curious... what "certain types of women" are drawn to us via dating services?

Dave, try not to take it out of context. Bill (Same Old Guy) made the claim that this kind of behavior is typical of Filipinas and I'm reminding him that most of the Filipinas here met their American husbands through a dating service. International dating sites tend to draw certain types of American men as well as certain types of Filpinas, but that's whole other subject and way off topic.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 14:28:00

http://www.philstar....rticleId=177874

The man is the boss.

On the surface, the Philippines may be mistaken for a male chauvinist macho country, but it is in essence a matriarchal society with many women actually holding sway over families, businesses and politics. Like the Emperor who later discovered he had no clothes, this jueteng republic with its swaggering macho facade actually hides matriarchal tendencies, with the emotionally more mature, entrepreneurial and persevering women sorting out the mess the men create.

In fact, being a henpecked husband may not be considered such a humiliating insult anymore, since it actually gives secret pleasure to some men who think they are so lucky to have wiser, more hardworking and more capable wives. From the matrons who consider their husbands immature and spoiled, vice-ridden brats to the female street vendors, OCWs, lavanderas and carinderia operators who endure the shenanigans of their unemployed husbands, many women are the ones who really keep their families together and this nation afloat.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 14:17:00

Filipinas - I'm curious where the throwing things comes from? Did your mother do that when she got angry? From what I've read, Philippine culture is a matriarchal society. Did you ever see your father throw things or get violent when he got angry?

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 12:45:00

I don't care whether you are married to a cute young Pinay, or an old cornfed hippo, the man is always wrong, even when he did nothing wrong when the fight started. Women go by the point system, and you just ran out of points. She is just evening the score, so you need to do all those things that earn you points. But remember, every act only adds or subtracts one point, so the little things she does to show she loves you count as much as the big things you do for her, and the big things she does wrong count as much as the little things you do that annoy her.

That's not a marriage. That's an arrangement. To each his own, but not for me. Nobody needs to be anyone's doormat in order for there to be peace in a relationship.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-14 11:31:00

So basically put your tail between your legs and put your man card in the trash.

lol

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-13 23:41:00

Its not the first time it has happened. And its usually for some stupid reason. I just can't have her doing this NOW of all times. She needs to rest and get better. I don't want her to hurt herself and make things worse.

Ah, ok. Probably the added stress of being dependent on you and the fact that you are at home where she has no time to herself. Can you get back to the office right away? I'd still schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor. Tampo is bure bullsh!t and no man should have to tolerate his wife acting like a 3 year old with temper tantrum. The reality is, a lot of people, regardless of cultural background, have never learned how to express their anger in a constructive way. Breaking sh!t is inexcusable, immature, and will cause great strife in your marriage. You will build up a lot of resentment and then one day you'll boil over as well. I wouldn't take her hurtful words seriously, however, psychologically, she pierced your heart with saying some things that should never be said. That does damage to the relationship and to your love for her. I was married before to someone like that and I eventually became emotionally numb. Don't wait for that to happen. Get counseling. Do it for your sanity as well as your marriage. Good luck.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-13 22:30:00

It's not something that can be reasoned with. It's like a switch gets thrown, and it will eventually reset itself, once she starts to reevaluate her situation. In the meantime, apologies from the husband are the only thing that will accelerate the process. Trust me. I have been through it, and I have seen others go through it. If you don't like drama, don't marry a Pinay.

There may be some cultural influences on the way Filipinas handle anger, but keep in mind that most Americans here who've married Filipinas, met them through a dating service, which tends to draw certain types of women.

Back to the OP - if this is the first time he's seen her behave this way in the 3 years they've been married, this is not normal for her. Medications can have profound effect on behavior. That's what I'd look to first.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 13 July 2011 - 10:18 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-13 22:17:00

It's a Filipino thing. You insulted her in front of her friend, and you need to apologize. Things should get better afterwards.

She may have felt slighted, but the erratic behavior beyond that is not normal. They've been together for a few years now and obviously this behavior is new to him. A mere apology isn't going to wipe away what she's done and he doesn't deserve to be subjected to that kind of violent sh!t. Filipinas that act that way on a regular basis must have been spoiled as children and never learned how to act like like a civilized grown up.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-13 22:03:00

So this erratic behavior is new? Is she on some kind of medication? If so, I'd contact the doctor and inform him/her of the erratic behavioral changes in her that are new. I'd then call Catholic Social Services and schedule an appointment for the two of you with a marriage counselor. Call right away and don't say anything to her about it yet, unless you both are calm and collected. Hope you can get the right help soon. Good luck.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-13 21:54:00