biggish data

You dismissed what a woman actually feels, and poofed this conceited definition into existence so that you could judge others and put them down.

One of the ways you did that was to say that people get married under the pretext of love, but in reality it is just economic security. Since there is no justification for your love on USCIS forms, this accusation about false pretext is a lie. In your conceited world, a woman cannot love a man for rescuing her from poverty. The truth is there's no purer love than that. This is knight-on-a-white-horse Cinderella type love for those of us that have it.

So long as it is a fairy tale then poor young Cinderella is allowed to fall in love with the richest man in the Kingdom and live in a castle for the rest of her life. We all root for Cinderealla. But if she is a real human, now her love is not pure. Cinderella is just a ####### and the Prince is exploiting her. What that proves is how envy, jealousy, and crab mentality operate in real life: cut other people down rather than be happy along with them for how thrilled they are in finding the partner they love.

Instead you tell Cinderella how much you pity her living in the castle now and what a creep the Prince is. When someone stands up in the middle of our Cinderella story and drones on like a bore about how our love isn't pure, this is the kind of person we avoid interaction with in our lives. Because this person is always going to be looking for the malicious way to frame things and justify it by saying he is a "realist" with lies and conceited (nonexistent) definitions.

Go back and read my posts. You're projecting a lot into what you think I said. I used the word 'pretext' in reference to the income inequality that is a prevailing factor in most of these Fil/Am relationships and I only brought that up because the issue of being potentially conned or scammed by a Filipina was mentioned as it is quite often whenever the topic of finding a potential mate in Philippines pops up here from time to time. I've repeatedly said that this pretext doesn't make these relationships any less valid, but I take issue with the idea that somehow marrying a Filipina is out of pure love. That's just fairy tale BS. I've been on this site long enough to see this pattern - that many Kanos prop up their relationships as a fairy tale romances (she loves me for me) only to see a handful of them from time to time, come back here to tell us how their Filipina bride scammed them for a green card.

Perhaps some Filipinas could speak up about this here. I would imagine that most of them take offense to the accusation that when one of these marriages falls apart, it is because she was just after the green card.

Edited by Mister Fancypants, 21 June 2012 - 07:07 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-21 19:07:00

So based on that you ran right out and found an American woman to marry?????

Sounds like you went looking for love from the Philippines on the presumption that American women only look at your bank account. Hopefully, you can see the irony in that.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-21 13:36:00

boy do you live a sheltered life, go check match.com as the other poster mentioned... almost ALL have high income requirements. Nope, the American woman is MORE likely, not less...

No offense, but match.com isn't exactly a good measuring stick for knowing what women are looking for in a potential mate.

But don't take my word for it, google search "what are women looking for in a mate."

Here's just a few examples:

sweetiepielove writes: Good Communication
Stability in all aspects of life
Strength (both physically & mentally)
Humor
Sensitivity

(but maybe she's a bit pudgy and doesn't live up to men's expectations in terms of physical attraction?)

........

lauren17 writes: I am looking for a man who can except me for me, will not lie, cheat and steal, can not only be my lover, but my best friend as well. Someone that I can get along with alone and with a group of people/friends. Family oriented, good comunication, one who can open up and share the feelings/talk about things. An over all - wonderful guy! One that i can miss/think about when I am not with them, one who will make me smile. Posted Image

.......

rome619 writes: well im looking for the opposite of my ex, i need a man that doesnt live with his mother, has a job and can take care of himself. Im tired of men who want to live off a woman Posted Image

, expect her to do everything-cook, clean and satisfy him in bed Posted Image

. well for me, if you can't satisfy me in the bedroom there is no relationship and that was the problem with my marriage. he would please himself and leave me hanging,so i stop doing anything for him-and i do mean anything-i didnt even cook for his a** no more. a man also needs to be honest, someone that a woman can trust and vise versa. you dont want to be in a relationship and you can't trust a person. i like men that don't have a problem because i can do something better than they can or make more money than they do Posted Image

. someone passionate and loving, believes in me and himself, strong and once again can take control in the bedroom Posted Image

. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME IN THE BEDROOM, THEN YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM Posted Image

..............

http://www.datehooku...read-234844.htm

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-21 11:13:00

Ok, for the comments about age, 3rd world country, no love!!!!!!!! BS!!!!!! I got divorced 7 years ago from my ex in the states. I then dated american girls, those would be 1st country(is that what their called now)??? ANd I was utterly dissapointed with their expectations.. Example, sure I tried Match.com right out of the divorced gate, you don't think their looking for money??? You ever go on there and see what their profiles are and what thier looking for. If I didn't have black hair, or 6 foot tall, or made over 75K then done deal with some.. I had a couple 6 month relationships, one being a friend of the family that was supposedly a good women, MONEY!!!!!! Only 3 years younger than me.. This is in every culture so please don't say filipina's are like that!!!!!

Go back and read my posts - I never said anything about "no love." And yes, of course some women here in the states still look for financial security when finding a potential mate, but the difference is that women in the states are much closer to equal ground when it comes to earning power and economic mobility so they are less likely to make that a precondition of potential suitors. And the only reason I bring that up is the the OP of this thread mentioned 'scammers.' It's far too easy to dismiss any of these marriages to Filipinas that fall apart as 'her just going after the green card' when essentially, for most of couples here, the Filipina is in fact looking for financial security by marrying a Kano. That doesn't make a girl any more a scammer than it makes the relationship any less valid. As you pointed out - it exists in varying degrees everywhere. The difference, however, is that a man with relatively modest income, who carries with him the baggage of divorce, kids middle age and whatever comes with that, and he can find a very young, petite Filipina who will be eager to marry him with a minimal amount of courtship. Those marriages, on average from the statistics I've seen, are actually quite successful, but on the occasion that one doesn't pan out, I think these guys aren't being honest with themselves if they react by claiming the Filipina was just after a green card, as if that never factored into the relationship to begin with.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-21 10:23:00

My wife is 14 years younger than me. She had her dream job and was the principal of a school in Metro Manila. Her students scored the highest of all schools within her district too. She had financial security, and a promising future. She left it all to be with me. We live in relative poverty. Life is hard for us financially. We have had our rough times. We also have a 2 year old between us. We also met online, but not at a dating site. She had all to lose and nothing to gain in coming here. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for my family. But then we both believe that is exactly who brought us together and holds us together.

That's great. My wife gave up her practice and her license as a dentist when she came here. However, I don't think that changes the fact that both our spouses came from a place where a large population lives in dire poverty. While some people can make a comfortable living for themselves, a lot seek work abroad and many families there rely on a regular flow of money from relatives living abroad. Most of them see no real economic future without looking elsewhere.

Edited by Mister Fancypants, 21 June 2012 - 12:50 AM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-21 00:48:00

Mike and Steve: When my contract ended in Phils I got reassigned to Atlanta... I was making good money then and found that when I frequented a local sports bar most women paid me no attention for the first month.. Until one day one noticed me paying with my Platinum American Express Card. Hmmmmm as quite a few women started showing me more attention shortly after that. I wonder why...... I even dated a woman close to my now fiancee's age... So story here is no matter what coutry we love in, men and women differ but not that much.

A man's attraction normally is with his eyes. A woman's is the sense of appreciation, feelings, security and then looks/eyes... Reference two great books that are eye openners. "Every Man's Battle and Every Woman's Battle. They are Christian Books and great reads. I love the feedback Gents.. Good stuff

Sure, there are women here in the states that still look for a man who can provide them with financial security, but fortunately, nowadays, Amerian women are a bit more on equal ground when it comes to earning power and economic mobility.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-20 20:11:00

Mike,

I know you like to use this place as your personal playground, but if you want a real discussion, get out of the sandbox.

It's not rocket science in understanding that income inequality is a mitigating factor in these international marriages between older American men and younger women from Third World countries. You're welcome to search for whatever data you are looking for, but the evidence is right there. The income inequality provides an avenue for which older American men can find eager, younger women to marry. That doesn't make these marriages any less bonafide. The consulate in Manila understands this element. No one is turning a blind eye to that reality, except some of the men here who like to think that their younger Filipina brides chose them out of pure love without any other motivations. That's fairy tale BS. How many times are you going to read about some sad sack Amerikano posting on here saying that she left him after she got her green card before you recognize the pattern? While some guys here want to blame the girls - believing that they are the scammers, the reality is both are playing a game of mutual exploitation. All I'm saying is that income inequality is the underlying factor - where both partners, consciously or unconsciously, enter into the relationship under that pretext. If an Amerikano truly wants a fairy tale romance, they can go find it in a divorced, pudgy, middle-aged American woman with kids. Because that's when love is truly blind both ways.

Edited by Mister Fancypants, 20 June 2012 - 05:53 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-20 17:50:00

Meeting online is very common. You must exercise caution though. I had trusted friends in the Philippines that checked out my fiancee and verified what she was telling me before I visited.

There have been a lot of solid, fraudulent-free Fil/Am relationships that have been on display here on this site, only to hear about how the Filipina left the Kano after she got received her green card. However, that shouldn't always be interpreted as her just being in it for the green card. She may have sincere intentions but also may be practical in thinking that in a few years, if the old geezer doesn't satisfy her wants and needs in a relationship, she'll leave him. The smart ones at least, think that way. They can leave the man here in the states because not only is divorce legal, but she knows she has a much better chance of making it on her own here than back in the Philippines. That's not fraud. That's just being savvy.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-20 16:35:00

I would like to know the percentage of K1 or K3 Visa's started with Internet Dating and how everyone's relationship is going? Pros, Cons etc. I dated two women on internet domestically and it did not fair well.
I was fortunate to live and work in the Philippines so I was able to meet my Love the old fashion way face to face courting. I have many war wounds as well from my past dating ;( too.

Reason for my post is I have read some bad situations where petioners were scammed or two sides to every story, there wife left them for some reason after greencard.

I think I will find your comments great as learning curve. I am starting an ebook draft for fun on dating internationally as I lived there, been around many many people from different backgrounds and enjoy learning and sharing.

I often wonder if someday we will refer to "meeting our spouse the old fashion way" as meeting him or her via internet which seems to be popular now days. lol

Thanks for your sharing......

There is no real difference between whether an Amerikano meets his future wife through a dating service or face-to-face in terms of the potential for fraud, given that in both situations, it is incredible that a woman would be so willing to give up everything she knows and leave it behind to spend her life with a man who is typically older than her, along with all the personal baggage he has. You only need to think about the likelihood that an older American male with relatively limited income would be able to attract a much younger woman from a First World Country - the chances are nil. Young Filipinas, by and large, who are eager and willing to marry these older American men are looking at marriage as a way out of poverty. That's the reality. The consulate recognizes this and most of these couples, if they are honest enough with themselves, know this as well. So whether you meet her through a dating service or face-to-face, there is always that factor - income inequality, that impacts the decision making process for the Filipina. Recognizing that would go a long way in helping these older American men avoid feeling they are being exploited for the 'green card.'

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-06-20 16:09:00

I'm wondering if these tantrums that some of the Fil/Am couples experience have to do with the larger age gaps, especially when the Filipina is still fairly young? And perhaps some of the men are actually attracted to young Filipinas with "Daddy's Little Princess" syndrome - not for their tempers, but to continue on with the role playing and unfortunately, the tantrums are part of the package?

Edited by 8TBVBN, 12 June 2011 - 03:24 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-12 15:23:00

Good heavens 8TBVBV.... calm your butt down for heaven sakes! The post was written in SATIRE...... LOL .... "read my mind" ha ha....

And in case you need this:

sat·ire/?sa?t?(?)r/Noun1. The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

So you don't actually give your husband the silent treatment? Good, because I think women who do that to get their way are manipulative turds suffering from "daddy's little princess" complex. Somewhere along the line, somebody let them feel like the world revolved around them, and they never grew out of it. Hopefully, if their marriage to a Kano survives, they'll eventually be cured of this affliction.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 11 June 2011 - 08:01 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-11 20:00:00

This will last for a hot minute. For some of you who do not know what a "hot minute" is, allow me to explain. It is the time period that you, the offender [and soon to be victim of said Filipina wife/gf/fiance], will have either said, didn't say, or was about to say, something ......but you didn't. Instead, you went staring into space while she was 'telling you what she wants you to do'. ***OH BOY, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE!***

That sounds to me like emotional manipulation - if we guys don't do what you women want then you get pissy? Forget that. I'm not going to play that game and imagine most guys won't. He may pretend like he wants to play this game of control with you, but I guarantee, if he has any self pride, he'll eventually ignore your little tantrums. Seriously, I don't care how much of a cultural thing this may be for you, but I'd reconsider how you approach getting what you want from your spouse and relationship, because that way will not lead to a harmonious one, unless you're content with "Yes, dear," and "No, dear" subordination.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-11 17:29:00

there will be a toilet paper, spatula or a pillow flying across the room if I'm already in that point. Sometimes there still some arm pinching and kicking him out of bed when he still chose to sleep in the same bed with me. Imbarassing.

I thought culturally, Filipinos are nonconfrontational, but obviously tempers will flare if you keep something inside until you erupt like a volcano with anger. Americans in general are much more blunt and upfront about something that is bothering them. I think if you've gotten to the point where you are throwing things, then you've held it inside for too long. It really comes down to effective communication - being able to express your feelings to your spouse where they are receptive and supportive, and communicating those feelings doesn't always have to be verbal.

I can tell when my wife is upset or angry from her facial expressions and body language, but for a lot of guys, we want you to tell us exactly what you are angry about. If you are expecting us to read your mind, you better go to a fortune teller. Women seem to be much more emotionally intuitive than men and they sometimes get upset when men can't seem to clue in on their emotions the way another woman friend would be able to. So I think accepting those differences can go a long way in keeping the emotions from boiling over.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 11 June 2011 - 05:20 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-06-11 17:19:00

Are there any Filipino's in Maryland?

Thank you, but is there any group or something we could join?

My advice is to wait until your fiancee/wife arrives in the states and then frequent shops and restaurants in those areas. She will inevitably run into other Filipinos and hopefully make some new friends. That's how it happened for my wife. We lived in Southern California when she first arrived in the states and there's over a million Filipinos in CA, so it happened pretty quickly. Then we moved to Flagstaff, Arizona last year and thought she might be the only Filipino here, but within a couple of months, we met some Filipinos at a Catholic Church, exchanged phone numbers and before we knew it, we were getting invited over to every birthday party, holiday celebration.

Now she's connected to about 30 Filipinos in the area. If your wife is Catholic, take her to church and she's bound to run into some Filipinos.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 15:22:00

Are there any Filipino's in Maryland?

I am from Owings Mills Md and want to see if there are any other couples from this state that I can learn from before my future wife arrives. And also help her to feel at home and comfy too.

Hey Randy, in Fort Washington, there is a long-established Filipino community. There are also a lot of Filipinos in New Jersey.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-19 11:27:00

Divorcing

So it's better to get an annulment than a divorce so it will be valid in Phil. But annulment in Phil just takes time and money need to be prepare. If you don't mind do you have any site that I can get full info about this? Thanks!

If a Filipino citizen is marrying a USC here in the states with the intention of immigrating, Philippine Marriage Law that prohibits legal divorce is null and void as far the U.S. is concerned. The Philippines is predominantly Catholic and so many of their civil laws coincide with Church Doctrine. Obtaining an annulment then, in the Philippines is a long drawn out process, much like getting an annulment in the Catholic Church. Also, there has to be compelling evidence that the marriage never truly existed, which is what an annulment officially does.

I would not bother with an annulment unless you must have the wedding in the Philippines as opposed to getting married in the states.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2012-11-17 23:44:00

To flee poverty, Filipinas marry foreigners

QUOTE (HappyDancer @ Feb 6 2009, 01:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Really, who are we to criticize couples with a huge age gap? Yeah, marriage for convenience is always possible but it's really none of our business. A choice is a choice - one thing that man is gifted with. For people who can't handle it, you are worrying about things beyond your control.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2009-02-06 20:59:00

To flee poverty, Filipinas marry foreigners

QUOTE (jom @ Feb 5 2009, 06:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I sleep good at night knowing my wife didn't marry me to flee poverty.

She will be 40 this year and Im 47, we will probably feed each other when we get old lol.

Last November, her Mom sent her money to buy a laptop as her Christmas present from her family back in the Philippines.

Recently, my mother-in-law sent her money again to pay for her NCLEX - RN online review course with Kaplan University. She insisted that when it comes to her daughter's education , they are responsible. My wife is a nurse and a lawyer but she left everything to be with me.

I am sharing this here because my wife is a Filipina but she didn't marry me to flee poverty because honestly, her family has more money than me.

She just received her first American paycheck today and I was so shocked when she told me she would send my three daughters ( even my stepdauther ) checks because it has been her tradition to share with family her every first paycheck. She will also send ( for the first time ) to the Philippines money, to continue her tradition. For the boys, toys will suffice.

I feel so blessed that I married a very generous woman, so just like her Mom.

Great personal story, Joe!

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2009-02-05 22:07:00

To flee poverty, Filipinas marry foreigners

There are numerous single, young Filipinas living here in the states, who aren't actively looking to get married at a young age, especially to a non-Filipino who is more than twice her age. The economic factors are undeniable. But I think the underlying factors that really are at play - little or no college, no career or marketable job skill set, comes from a more remote area, from a very poor family who parents have no college themselves, and if the father is absent from the family.

My wife's family were squatters, but they made ends meet - her father drove a Jeepney and her mother ran her own restaurant. All 5 of the children attend college - her 3 older sisters became RN's and went on to work abroad (2 of them are in Ireland), my wife became a dentist (thanks to her aunt, a dentist herself, who paid for her college tuition), and her brother studied engineering. The sisters in Ireland saved up and bought some land then had a custom home built for their parents in Cebu, where they now live. They even helped pay for my wife's own dental clinic which she had for a couple of years before selling it to live here in the U.S. with me. I see in her family a determination to find a better life for themselves through shool and career choices, however, I know that is not always easy or even achievable for many other families. My wife could not have made it through college without the support of her family - not just financial but emotional support. Her family placed great emphasis on having a good education...as the only viable way to move up the economic ladder.

Edited by Mister Fancypants, 05 February 2009 - 09:21 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2009-02-05 21:20:00

Bruno Mars Family Reunion

We just watched this great video of his family's first time back to the Philippines since moving to Hawaii. He comes from a musical family.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2013-01-24 21:11:00

Favorite Filipino food/dishes

Haha! That's why I'm choosing ones which has lotsa veggies. Is there kangkong in the US or you guys substitute spinach?

the Asian markets sell the actual water spinach that is used in kangkong. you can even find some Chinese restaurants sell a similar dish.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2013-01-22 07:00:00

Favorite Filipino food/dishes

kangkong, sinigang, giniling, sotanghon...so many tasty foods, but there's too many, high animal fat dishes. that stuff will kill ya.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2013-01-21 07:13:00

It's showtime??? I like how some people are commenting on this topic, who have no idea of the culture, have never been to the Philippines, and definitely have not walked in the person's shoes they are insulting..

Ex. Topic based- when I was living in the Phils with my then fiancee, my fathwr wanted to come visit and see me and meet my wife. My father was single, 65 and dating back home. He had been to the Phils for a couple work trips back in the 80's when not such a good time to be there.

We went out for dinner, first remarks were- I can't believe all the older men with younger women. We had a very good discussion and he had his views. After 1 week of visiting my friends(locals and foreigners), talking with foreigners in the malls, and seeing it first hand he had a little different view. He himself waan't interested in filipina's
or a younger girl, he undersood and seen the relationships first hand. He met a doctor and a minester from the states and had conversations over this age difference topic. They noth were married yo filipinas and were extremely happy in their relationships. My dad got it.

Now he sees my relationship With my wife, although the
age gap isn't as big as some, she is still young. And he is very supportive and sees the true love that is there.

Filipina's have been said are the most loyal women in the world to their husbands and families. Why wouldn't I want the best of the best?

You realize that is a marketing tool by the international dating services to get gullible, lonely American men to believe that if they marry a Filipina, she'll never leave him, right? Because it is pure BS.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2013-01-25 15:53:00

Excellent post.

What you said here is fine but earlier posts (not just yours) have been different; some going so far as to say there is no love in these relationships, it's simply a young girl getting with an old guy for money. That's what I disagree with. Nobody questions all the other factors that go into the relationship; but when posts state that it is only those factors and nothing else, definitely not love, then that's where there is a problem.

I distinctly remember the behavior of some Americans I saw when I was in the Philippines. To be honest, I saw some men who were just disgusting pigs. It was truly the case of "rich Americans" getting attractive young women simply because they had money. One of the things my wife, and her family, love about me is that I am nothing at all like those men. I know that if I had been anything like the other American men then I would never have been able to marry my wife. She would have moved on and found a better man; not a richer man but a better man.

By the way, just out of curiosity, what brought you and your wife together?

Thanks, BJ.

Who knows - I'm sure there are some Fil/Am marriages out of convenience like other marriages, but that doesn't address the high number of older men marrying younger women, and saying that economics plays a factor in these courtships doesn't mean she's only in it for his money or green card. What it does show is a consistency among the Filipino people to look elsewhere for economic opportunity, which is why there are so many of them working abroad - because the opportunities are so slim back home. I find no fault in trying to improve ones economic conditions provided that the person isn't so desperate that they see no other alternative.

My wife and I were introduced to each other through mutual friends (first saw her on YM video cam) and then months later saw her profile on Friendster (before MySpace and Facebook). I sent her a message and then we began chatting online. I imagine a lot of international relationships start out this way. Do I think her economic conditions effected her decision making? Perhaps to some degree. She was living comfortably in a home that her older sisters had built for the family, was a dentist and owned her own clinic, but hadn't yet been successful in getting her career off the ground. She had a 4 year old son at the time and I was divorced and raising children on my own at the time.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2013-01-24 10:06:00

Not to completely disagree but some of the more over the top comments were removed.

Since some people make judgments about nearly everything in life, it's no surprise that there are some judgments here. Yet still it's a head scratcher. Why would anyone care about who I love, marry or sleep with?

My unscientific conclusion is that when it comes to sex we are still a bit of a puritanical culture. If I tell someone that my best friend in life is a 20-something woman from the Philippines, no one has a problem. On the contrary; they probably compliment me on my open mindedness. If I tell someone that I am sleeping with a 20-something woman from the Philippines, the reactions are very different. Since sex is the only variable, I must assume that's what changes the view and sometimes adds judgment to the mix.

I had a funny conversation years ago with a gay friend. We were discussing attitudes towards homosexuality. While my views run toward the "everyone should love whomever they want" side of the issue, I had to admit that the few times I had imagined the homosexual act, there was a real "yuck factor." I would imagine that some people feel that yuck factor about an older man and a younger woman. Hell, when I was a teenager I didn't want to imagine that my parents were still having sex.

Truth be told I have little interest in imagining most people having sex with their partners:) Again, it's the yuck factor.

But as you say, it's the Internet where anyone can say anything they want with impunity. I expect in the real world fewer judgments will be expressed.

Dave, the reaction or curiosity over a 20-something woman from the Philippines marrying a man nearly twice her age is because people wonder if she had instead been born and raised in America, would she have even considered dating a man that much older? If you have a daughter, would you be so accepting of her running off to a different country to marry a man nearly twice her age? I think most sane fathers would be at least wondering why she would do that when there are other more age-compatible men.

Edited by Lincolns mullet, 24 January 2013 - 04:51 AM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2013-01-24 04:50:00

To the OP- age doesn't matter.. Inlike the poster eho said you have to have confidence... Good comment.. I like to say, if it's true love and your crazy like a couple of kids you wouldn't be asking these questions. These questions are asked by someone who is unsure and maybe needs to put more seat time(time spent together in person) in.. It's all up to you if it's going to bother you and if you can't accrpt somr loss of friends and family..

Hmm. I asked what I thought was a simple and common question - what response people have received in the US and how did they handle it. My fiancee who naturally knows little about the US also has asked about what reaction she might get. A forum filled with Phil-Am couples seemed like a good resource to ask such a question.

At almost 60 I don't do anything like a crazy kid - at least nothing I am going to admit to on a public forum

And if I needed therapy or a confidence boost I'd watch Dr. Phil like the rest of America.

Thanks to those who answered the question and the few who contacted me offline.

I think this has run it's course for me.

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-13 14:43:00

No problems here, in fact mixed race/ethnicity is very common here. Still there is some stares if the age gap is big or noticeable. Also Portland is pretty liberal, so should be no problems. In fact that area is nice and go beavs.

Go Ducks lol

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-12 15:08:00

Here's my answer:

We have an age gap of a mere 24 years but maybe my experience can help. When we're in the Philippines, we get a few stares, but that's just because I'm so darned good looking. Here in the US, we get a few stares, but that's just because she's so darned good looking also. We're just a really darned good looking couple.

I'm not so old that I don't care what anybody says. If people have a problem with me or my wife; it does matter to me. And, looking back, there might have been a few family and friends that had doubts in the beginning about a marriage with such a difference in culture and age; but after they got to know her, they understood how lucky I am and how happy we both are. She won everybody over, so there is really no issue. She won everybody over so much, everybody loves her more than me now.

Good luck in your journey and welcome to VJ.

Thanks for this. I assume that we will have a similar experience. All my relatives and friends who have gotten to know Janet (mostly online) love her.

Obviously I was exaggerating when I implied that I won't care at all what reaction we get. At some level I will care, though less that I might have when I was younger. I have already been in an interracial marriage, so I do have some experience as to people's reactions, though in that case they were mostly positive. Had it been a generation before the reaction would have been different.

As to the age thing I have already heard plenty of the standard cliches. As a writer and a bit of a smart-####, I am perfectly capable of defending myself verbally and then some; but as a mature man I hold my tongue. I tend to be very open about my life at this point, which wasn't always the case. Post divorce I had a younger gf here locally, tended to feel guilty about it, and hid the relationship from most of my friends. No longer. Janet and I are open on Facebook; most of my friends are supportive, a few aren't. All of Janet's friends seem positive, though she too hears cliched comments about how I must be rich.

I did not mean to stir up a hornet's nest on a lazy weekend. It's genuinely something I have wondered about. I have other friends in Phil-Am relationships, but not in my city. I hope to find a small group of similar couples here. I also have a number of male friends with younger, foreign wives, though they too are scattered all over the globe.

I suppose the bottom line is that this is my problem to work out and I have no doubt I will. Just hoping to get advise about what some of you experienced and how you handled it. But I also well understand if it's a prickly topic (pun intended).

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-12 15:03:00

This is my first posting and I hope the topic isn't too controversial. I just filed my forms (YAH!!) and now the wait begins. Great information here and I am sure I will be using this place lots in the future.

But my question is for those who have completed the process and married their fiances and are living in the US - what kind of reaction have you received? I know even at this point I have gotten comments already. Back in Leyte, so has my fiancee. Mostly they are good natured, but still have a bit of an edge and a judgment to them.

I am too old to really worry about what people think about me but am a bit worried about my fiancé, although she seems more calm and mature about this than I do. I mostly want to have a nice supportive group of Phil-Am couples that we can interact with.

And like some others we have the doubles issues of a different culture and a considerable age gap, both of which I know can cause judgments.

However, I have noticed that even some people who have gone though the process successfully have some weird attitudes about others and I have already read comments about poor desperate Filipinas and old lecherous American men

I am sure we can handle whatever reaction we get, but just wanted to know what the experience has been like for you and what sort of support system you have been able to develop.

Thanks!

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-12 02:40:00

Survey about wedding bands

My fiance (the USC) bought the engagement ring with matching wedding band, it looks big on my tiny fingers, it has 3 diamonds (1 big 2 small) and 4 small diamonds on the side!! It's VERY beautiful. He knows I'm not a jewelry person but he still bought the most beautiful ring ever aww. I loved it!! However, he doesn't know my size very well so he bought 7 and my size is 4 lol so I had to resize it.

Interesting about the size. I asked my fiancee what size she was and of course she did not know. I asked her to go to a jewelry store and get sized. She came back a day or 2 later and said she was a size 6 1/2. Does that seem awfully big for a Pinay? At 5'3" she is a bit taller than average but she is slight and weighs about a pound above nothing

Is it possible that ring measurements in the Philippines are different? I always assumed it was universal.

Edited by davenjanet, 26 January 2013 - 01:19 PM.

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-26 13:19:00

Cheapest flights to Manila

Excellent info..

Yes, this is a good tip since I usually come in via Seoul and I have had good luck with Cebu Pacific.

As to the overall question, for me there is no one website. At times Expedia has been the cheapest, OneTravel is really good. But this time (coming to Cebu in April) I found that Vayama was the cheapest, so i used them.

I also agree with the comments about Korean Air. All things being equal I love to fly them - fantastic service compared to the American airlines.

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-30 12:23:00

I believe LM's comment about the Philippines had to do with the fact we're in the PI forum. As was mentioned earlier, there are some forums with a really disproportionate number of certain age-gap relationships. PI, RUB-- older men, younger women, many really large gaps. Much higher than average. MENA-- really high number of older female/younger male relationships with large age gaps. Much higher than average. Sp the eternal question is always why.

Vj is obviously a small sample of the number of foreign spouse relationships with USCs at any one time. It also only represents from the pool of USCs and foreign spouses who use computers (which is why I suspect we have so many online meeting stories on VJ-- our participant pool is more internet-based to begin with). Even with that, though, the numbers are still high. So everyone wonders-- what is going on here?

I am sure you genuinely mean your last sentence, but it isn't so. No one wonders - everyone assumes. I jumped into this thread a week or so ago, humorously wondering what I would win if I had the largest age gap. No one asked why I would pursue my younger fiancee or why she would pursue me - everyone assumes.

This isn't just my experience here on VJ. I have had several younger gfs over the past 6 years (of both the domestic and foreign variety). Only twice in all that time has anyone ever "wondered" why - and asked me. One was my sister, who is now great friends with my fiancee and encouraged me that life was short and that I shouldn't wait to file the petition. The other was a good friend, who wondered what the hell motivated me to go to the Philippines. His curiosity, led to a series of discussions and eventually I introduced him to a Pinay friend, who is now his gf. He returns to see her next week.

So "wondering" and asking the question is a good thing.

The other issue that makes me shake my head in wonder is America's attitude toward age. I'm sure I had the same notions when I was younger. I chuckle when I am confronted by younger friends and co-workers who seem genuinely stunned that I still have a libido, let alone that I use it. Honestly, they look at me appalled, as if they are thinking 'he must buy Viagra by the truckload.'

I used to think that if I told them some stories of my adventures they would be encouraged, thinking 'Hey, when I'm that age I will still be active.' But after looking at the shocked faces, I decided to keep it to myself. Besides, I'm a writer and have nearly completed a book of comic stories on my post-divorced life - so why give the milk away for free

Of course if any of you did "wonder" and ask the question, at least part of the answer would be what you most fear; that I like sweet, kind, attractive, and sexy women. And I like Filipinas. That certainly makes me unique.

Edited by davenjanet, 25 January 2013 - 05:56 PM.

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-25 17:54:00

Gee, I'm gone one day and this thing has devolved into a total dumpster fire. Some funny stuff but it should probably be closed.

Yet since it hasn't yet been closed I feel compelled to repeat a point I made (perhaps unsuccessfully) earlier. Most everone is on this forum because there is a petition to bring in a foreign fiancee or spouse. Therefore almost by definition we have been subject to questions, criticism or even ridicule about why we would marry a foreigner - or why the foreigner would marry an American.

Yet even in those circumstances some still believe that their relationship is more appropriate than another couple's. Bizarre!

Such judgments if they are ever appropriate should come on a case by case basis. I have no problem if someone meets Janet and I and thinks that we are bad people - they'd be wrong, but I have no problem if someone comes to such a conclusion. But to judge strangers based on a generic datapoint will never work for me.

Edited by davenjanet, 24 January 2013 - 03:38 PM.

davenjanet

Male

Philippines

2013-01-24 15:32:00

Just because we share the same values and prefer the same person for president, etc. does not make OUR life boring, far from it. We simply have the same values. And it is nice in OUR relationship at least to share these same values. We differ in enough other ways than that.

And as far as I know, conservative values are not in o[[osition to the poor. As a matter of fact, conservative values seek to help the poor, not necessarily by free handouts around every corner enabling the poor to tay poor.

I am a conservative, and our family income is under $20,000 a year. So in the United States of America does that make me rich? No. Do we give to help the poor even though we are poor ourselves? yes. You fail to comprehend conservative values. I am just thankful that my wife and I share the same values as I said, and not concerned about you and I sharing the same values.

Ask most Filipinos what the solution to the problem with dire poverty in the Philippines and you might be surprised what they would say. The Catholic Church doesn't make quips about whether charity is instituted (welfare) or not. In fact, the Church sees it as a moral duty and public one. They look it as an obligation rather than the American view of it being simply voluntary. While there are wide range of political views in the Philippines, they aren't as polarized between "conservative" and "liberal" the way it is here.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-12 17:11:00

Nah, only watched the news...and looking forward to 2012.

But as another poster commented, it IS good in a marriage, I think, when both spouses are like-minded. My wife has the same values as me. She is not a citizen of the USA, but she knows more about the politics and political leaders and the values of this country than just about any American I know. I always am so impressed of what all she knows and the people she knows so much about.

In the Philippines, even before meeting me, she used to watch FOX news every day. She would really be a good candidate for Congress one day. She cant vote yet, but my vote will be for the same person she would vote for if she could vote. She actually wants to help campaign for the person her and I would like to see president, if that is possible.

So yes, it IS nice to have shared values in a marriage. And I really DID get clarification on that from her wayyy before we married. To me it was an important issue, where she stands on so many things such as her view of abortion, the family, the church, gay marriage and the impact on the nuclear family, national defense, spiritual beliefs and much, much more. I had lots of time to get to know her before she ever got here and before we had the chance to marry, and I wanted to know every little and big thing that could be a potential red flag or indication we we would have a difficult time as a couple or not. In learning her values and discovering we had shared values, it DID help in giving me a feeling of reassurance that the choices we were making to be together for life were going to be ok. And it DID help me to know her much better, to know what was important to her, what mattered in her heart in life about so many things... And the values of her heart made me fall all the MORE in love with her.

Brian in Tennessee

While I agree that is important that both spouses share core values, I don't think that equates to meaning that you both vote for the same politicians, belong to the same political party, or agree on every piece of legislation. That would be boring.

The Philippines is predominantly Roman Catholic and the Church has a long history of standing up for the poor. In fact, they believe the message of the Gospel is essentially to do for the least of your brothers. So I'm not sure how well that translates into the modern American Conservative, political ideology. You'll never hear a Filipino candidate openly claim that poor people are lazy or that they should pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. In fact, all recent presidential candidates in the Philippines have campaigned on the plight of the poor. Most of it appears to be lip service, but nonetheless, that is quite different from the political rhetoric you hear from modern Conservative American politicians.

Edited by 8TBVBN, 12 July 2011 - 05:02 PM.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-12 16:31:00

The Commies of course

aka....the godless liberals.

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-12 12:34:00

Nah, just a realist appreciating what he has. A conservative wife who is like minded in many aspects of life and has shared values........God save this country!!

God save this country from what?

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-12 10:00:00

one...two...tree

Male

Philippines

2011-07-11 23:39:00