biggish data

Lets make a chart of where we all are from

QUOTE (chispas @ Feb 27 2008, 01:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Rass Zee!
You have done a fantastic job with your chart. I am sure it'll grow further as more people add their information. Well done girl.

QUOTE (unononehigher @ Feb 25 2008, 09:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hey e'er body

,
I'm in B-E-T-T-E-N-D-O-R-F........ahem.....,:::whispering:::thats...in...iowa"

okay, next

You are really out there girl. How's the snow?

the snow is non-stop, it snows, the temperature rises, the temperature drops, it freezes, the temperature rises...again, it snows again...aaarrrggghhhhh

! It wont stop

but aside from that, its b-e-a-utiful!!

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-02-29 13:15:00

Lets make a chart of where we all are from

hey e'er body

,
I'm in B-E-T-T-E-N-D-O-R-F........ahem.....,:::whispering:::thats...in...iowa"

okay, next

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-02-26 00:54:00

WHAZZZZZZZZZZZ UPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

Hello "Be"
I am so happy to hear some good news and goals getting accomplished.
Hey "Chis" maybe you should have intercepted that phone call or letter

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-04-08 11:39:00

Anyone do a prenuptial?

QUOTE (Asante Maroon @ Apr 22 2008, 06:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I've been a student forever (even if I end up on the streets...my degrees will keep me warm )! Just joking. But on a serious note, I do have some serious loans and because I am a career student (still in school now

) I can't say that I have anything of real worth...accept for myself

.

So basically I am still just starting out, really. As a matter of fact there was a point in February that I was thinking of buying a home (coop) and I decided against it because I felt like maybe that is something I should wait until we can do together. And besides why buy a coop when you can get a condo or a house. All of which I would need assistance to purchase.

SOOOOO, pre-nup?

. My particular circumstances would not call for it.
I see we listen to that same music..hahahaha

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-04-27 11:20:00

To: All VJ Mom's, Sisters, Auntie, and Friends

Love hard, give all you've got, and cherish every moment.
Happy Mothers day to all
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-11 09:33:00

Good luck Erika and Samuel

Gonnne Erika, bring yo' man home girl

UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-11 09:30:00

Successful Interview!!!!

Do tha Damn thang
Shake a tail featha
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-13 00:16:00

Well, this is an update on my rain, my cousinz funeral was may 18, 2008 and his family laid him to rest.
I did not attend the funeral due to very high emotions surrounding his untimely departure.
As of yet, we still dont have all of the conclusive evidence, just more speculation.
I am waiting for the last to episodes to play out in my life...my grandmothers situation and the finalization of the death of my marriage.
To everyone reading this, whom ever you love, tell them each and every day, and follow those loving words with loving actions.
Telling them tomorrow may just be too damn late.
Take care and love one another.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-19 00:41:00

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ May 13 2008, 08:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (unononehigher @ May 13 2008, 02:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ May 13 2008, 10:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (unononehigher @ May 12 2008, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Zainab, my husbands current state of mind is yet to be discovered or named, so calling him mentally ill is an insult to those of us who are legitimately mentally ill.

Uno, I was asking seriously. The way you describe the turn around sounds like he could be mentally unstable. He wasn't using you for a green card obviously. But why love turn to scorn? Seems something out of kilter in him. Wondering if he has an untreated illness.

You know, and this is all b.s. aside. I was not joking.
There is something wrong with his current state of mind, and I don't believe it has been discovered or named in his country or he does not "claim" the diagnosis. Hell, he told me the doctor that did my tubal but left me with my menses was practicing witchcraft on me.
check it...his theory is: surely I can still have a child, I still have a period, so she whoo-dooed me. There is more lunatic verbage I could give you, but enough is enough.
He does not believe in apologizing for his indescretions, he says apologies go to God, not man, he praises God one moment and scorns the next, claims he is a "wisdom man, oracle, or mega star" depending on the strategic settings of the constellations and which way the tides roll, and has the nerves to prophesy; but when they don't come to pass, he says " I am just a messenger."
Now mind you, his behaviour was not this erratic before we got married. But 2 months into it, and all hell broke dee' fux loose on me. I did notice he could be difficult at times, but he was never abusive towards me prior to our marriage.

That's what I was sort of thinking. I wonder what happened. Only cause I'm nosy.

He's so far away, that dealing with his illness is just about impossible. I also find that many people in Ghana don't see mental illness as a "treatable" disease. Especially, those who have it. It's just something to live with. Which is hard when it's someone you love and certainly a disservice to those that are ill. In your situation anyway, it comes down to how far committed into the situation you are, and protecting yourself and your children from what can become very dangerous left untreated. No one loves you like you love you. Take care of yourself. Pray him up to the Saviour and hopefully everything will work out for him.

So listen, knowing that he will probably be out of your life now, why do you think he was placed in your life? Is there something you can take from the experience?

to Zainab:
because the devil is busy girl

, dont cha know???? my grannie tells me all de time, the devil can answer prayers too, dats why u need to try the spirit by the spirit.
to everyone else,
Once again, I have been humbled by everyones thoughts, words and prayers. I have received more positivity from complete strangers whom I shall can angels than those that know me personally. I love the spirit that flows forth from all of you and I cannot thank you enough.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-15 12:57:00

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ May 13 2008, 10:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (unononehigher @ May 12 2008, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Zainab, my husbands current state of mind is yet to be discovered or named, so calling him mentally ill is an insult to those of us who are legitimately mentally ill.

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-13 13:53:00

QUOTE (chispas @ May 12 2008, 10:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Uno,
My heart just sank to the pit of my stomach when I read your story. After I read it all that lump jump into my throat and has been stuck there since. I can't even imagine what you are going through right. Some of the insults you mentioned resounded in my ears as if I had lived them all over again. I just sent strong hugs to you today.

Hey Chis, it was not my intent to have this impact upon you or anyone else. I was just merely stating the events as they occurred in my rational mind. And regardless of what he has said about me or too me, he is or wants to be all that he says I am. It was all said out of jealousy and meant to tear me down. To bad, so sad, he did himself a disservice. I also sent copies of everything he said to my sister in law (and she is like a daily reporter), she told everybody.

QUOTE (LovinLiberia @ May 12 2008, 11:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I had tears in my eyes after reading this (some were tears from laughter at the way you expressed certain things). I know exactly how it is to lose a close family member to a terminal illness. I lost my dad to stage 4 cancer. It will be hard on you when she dies, but it won't be sudden and you now have time to brace yourself for it. Obviously, she touched your heart and your life in the right spots so I know her lagacy will love on through you. I think what the police did to your cousin was terrible and wrong on their part. I hope they get in trouble for killing a man when they shouldn't have. He had his whole life ahead of him and I feel for the children. My condolences to you and his family.

The part that made me cry was the way that your "husband" treated you and belittled you. You are such a strong and powerful person and you did your best. You definately didn't deserve that kind of behavior from him. I really admire your strength and your courage and I'm very glad you shared your story and allowed us to support you through this. I'm also glad you were able to stand up and cut him out of your life, especially before he could come here and do more damage to you and your soul. I have you in my thoughts and I know things will be better for you. I'm always ready to talk at any time.

Hey L.L. If it were not for my colorful wit, I dont know how I would cope with all the global ignorance I have encountered from "ghana".
And please, dont no body start hatin'. All folks from ghana aint globally ignorant, I'm referring to "UNOz" ignaramous.

Hey Zainab, my husbands current state of mind is yet to be discovered or named, so calling him mentally ill is an insult to those of us who are legitimately mentally ill.

I do wanna thank everyone for the prayers, encouragement and PM's.
Once again, you all have no idea what this means to me.
I am truly humbled.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-12 13:49:00

I thank each and everyone of you for the pm's and the posted messages.
This really means a lot to me.
My only desire is for the prayers to be sent up so that an outpouring of blessings can rain down.
Not just for me, but for everyone that you encounter, regardless of their outward appearances.
A person never knows when it is his or her turn to encounter their own personal storm and need the shelter of
"The Comforters" arms.
Once again, I am humbled and I thank you all.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-10 15:43:00

Salutations to you all,
I have been on this site for several months. I have argued, debated and laughed with a lot of you guys. My kids tell me "mom, you have no life, you sit in front of that computer reading and replying like you really know those people!" Well, he may be right...or used to be. Lately, I have been lurking and silently celebrating the accomplishments of a great vast majority of you all. And now, this is my story.
I met my husband, then cyber pal, online in december of 06. We spent hours online; sometimes 8-12, with minor breaks inbetween. And I mean hours leading to days, sometimes leaving messenger up for days on end, ya' know, just incase one of us comes online. Shooting the breeze, laughing, contemplating our futures (not together, but...ya' know). Then we started talking on the phone, while chatting online, in case the language barriers got in the way. Then we (or so I thought), fell in love. I was not the first one to say it or feel it, but I was like, okay, we can remove part of the brick wall. Well, hell, the whole wall crumbled down in his favor. Several months later (okay, a few months), I found myself engaged, on a plane to ghana, and "look momma, I'eyes marrieds Naah!" Well, fast forward...2 months into the marriage, I found myself on restrictions (the silent treatment) from afar due to my outspokenness. Well damn, no ones tolds meez I cants speak freely no mo'!" And from there, the african sewer #### hit the american fan. I suddenly became "disobedient" for having free will. I started to "ruin" his days if I "reminded him of something he was supposed to do (that we agreed upon), when I asked "honey, did you do so in so?" To which I got answers like "I am a Man, how dare you question my judgement as if I am one of your sons!!?" Now mind you, if he asked me for anything, anything (within reason, now don't get it twisted), I did my damnedest to git'er done and get it to'em! I was the new age postal service; "lickety split you'll get your ####!" And I was diligent in my new wifely duties, did not understand this new place I moved to called "compliance" but it was a nice mental neighborhood...so I thought.
Well, now...fast forward a bit more. I got a financial chance to recoup my losses from taking the trip to ghana and such, and so I informed my husband, "baby, I did not incorporate your bills into what I have to do here, due to I am still in the hole from last years {gala event}." I also spoke to him about some issues that needed to be addressed and clarified during the course of our new found nuptuality. And wow, to my amazing surprise, I was scolded, humiliated, and dehumanized. He told me things like, "how dare you speak to me of such a bullshit matter, and you go to hell, and I should have charged you to marry you with your FATNESS of upto 50 to 100 usd, and you can keep your money with your USELESS HALF, and look and see how God has brought you to africa and yet again in your miserable life you have humiliated yourself, and I shall have nothing to do with a fire and hell woman like you, and how can I think for looking at a bulldog such as yourself, and I am going to burn and destroy everything about me that reminds me of you.
And to that I said, hmmmf, I am useless, but I sent you money, paid your bills, upgraded your wardrobe and shoes, purchased you ankle socks (while yo' dumb ### tried to pull them up to yo knees), introduced you to the real bling and not that tarnished #### you got played for, I sent you food, introduced yo' funky ### to anti-perspirant (damn deodorant), I amazed yo' ### with soft soap body wash (a little dab a do ya), and cologne (and not a city in germany), let you sample french fries and ketchup, but I am useless. Okay, I'll be all of that and then some.
My FATNESS, well, well, well...studies show, men who are used to famines tend to choose robust women. They see that as a status symbol and a sign that they will not go hungry if she (the fat woman), accepts his hand in marriage. (Simple logic, I aint gone let my fat ### starve and if you wit me, you wont either). And well, the rest of his comments, I can't type what all I told him, hell; thats tripple X-rated. But, but, but, I am a christian. So after I put the "wes side" girl back on the shelf, I dawned my sanctified attire and repented, (boy, did I ever repent), and I wrote an apology letter to him explaining that I should not have allowed him to take me there, even though from a carnal stand point...he did deserve it! So, since that time up until now, I have not had any contact with that man. It has been close to three months and I am okay.
Now, the other issues jacking wit my psyche is the death of my cousin. He was murdered on tuesday of this week. If you google his name "aaren gwinn" you can read all about it. He was no saint and neither are any of us, but he did not deserve that. And, and, the story from the p.d. changes every day....
Now, the most challenging issue that UNO is facing is this...my grandmother, best friend, first teacher, inspiration, the air that I breath...is dying. She is terminal. Her heart is very weak. She went into the hospital 2 weeks ago (able to walk) for chest pains and body aches (heart attack). She can no longer walk, she is catheterized (kidneys failing), and breathing is a chore for her. She lost the ability to feed her self, hold a cup or pick up the phone when it rings. I watched her physical therapy session today and almost lost my mind. Watching my grandmother not being able to move her legs and steady herself to stand for 30 seconds. No, God, not my grandmother, the strongest woman I know. How could this be happening?? Why is this happening??? Can't I have just 1 more year to show her I love her and I need her. Why is the angel of death knocking on her door now?? Her time can't be up, she still has some teaching to do, some wisdom to impart and some love to give. The doctors gave 2 prognosis. The best case scenario, she can live less than six months, the worst case scenario, she can die in her sleep at any given time.
So yes, when it rains, got dammit it never stops pouring.
I am not looking for sympathy or pity, I just felt compelled to tell my story. So for those of you who silently wonder, "what happen to so in so?" They might be in the midst of their storm, so pray.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-09 23:24:00

Wife and Daughter in the US

congratulations on your reunion and may God continue to abundantly bless you

UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-18 12:03:00

Me and My Ex Are Dating Again!!!!!!!

CON-GRAD-U-DAMN-LATIONS on your degree girl.
Much love
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-22 07:52:00

Newbie Here

Salutations and welcome to VJ. I pray your journey is a blessed and spirit filled one. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them. If you feel frustrated, feel free to vent. If you just want to stop by and say "hello" thats also welcomed at any given time. Wishing you God speed on your journey.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-24 21:56:00

Update!! We got our visa!

Boo-Yah Big Baybeee!!!!!

Congratulations to you.

UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-06-07 22:52:00

Happy Birthday Perseverance !

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to youuooouuuuuu.
HAPPY BIRHT DAAAYYYYY TOOOOO YOUUUUUUUU!!!
And mannnyyyyyy mooorrrreeee!!!!!!
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-06-07 13:59:00

Thank You

congratulations

God is in control

UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-06-13 00:38:00

Finally Home..

I am so happy for you and your husband to finally be united. I pray nothing gets in your way.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-23 07:28:00

African Art

I love those. They are beautiful. Now I need to go and purchase some and put them all through my house.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-27 18:53:00

With Love

OMG, Erika;
No one has ever shewn me respect for being who I undeniably am. I am humbled.
I thank God every day for giving me strength to
push (pray. until. something. happens.) on and keeping me in my right mind.
Since my fiasco...ahem marriage, I have had to call on the name of JESUS more than once.
I am not bitter, I refuse to play the "he scammed me card, and I know that the battle is not mine.
I must admit, I was personally embarrassed, ashamed, and jealous of the progress you guys were making, but I had to "come back to the middle."
What God has for me, is for me and nothing that anyone says or does is going to change that.
So me being on a "level" as you say. Thats not my doing, that is He that lives in me.
The only gift I have for anyone is "love" and all I know is how to help others.
And if strangers can take notice, then I must be on the right path.
I am praying for you and Samuel to be united, not just in the physical life but also in the spirtual life. I pray you longevity, peace, understanding and joy beyond joy in your marriagehood. I pray your marriage is an example for all to see and emulate. I pray God Bless you and yours.
UNO

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-05-14 22:07:00

You said = There may be some inside scoop I can provide that you may or may not be aware of (this is addressed to unononehigher and besangin) the choice we make to marry a black man and have mixed children can and does cause severe ostracism by our own families and friends.
I said = I am fully aware of the issues that women of "other" races go through when dealing with black men, birthing their babies and being cast aside by their families for their decisions. No "inside" scoop needed. I'm quite sure its "mostly" the same song just a different rhythm. (I have several white acquaintances from years back who have cried upon my shoulder from different economic backgrounds explaining to me their woes about their interracial relationships and biracial children).
Whatever they may be thinking and saying about you, they are thinking and saying worse about us.
(I agree whole-heartedly)
No we can never be black women.
(Never said or meant to imply that you could, but I did want to express that you could not in your wildest dreams comprehend what we go through, being invalidated by our very own parents, siblings, cousins and peers from childhood, because of our skin tone, our full ethnic features, our broad hip span, our fight to co-exist only to be told that we have an attitude problem, being considered less in value because we are not light enough, and then our lighter complected counterparts thinking (because they were told) they are better than us because they are "light, bright and damn near white", not being brought to the forefront of activities because we are darker, even though we radiate with talent, being told "not to go in the sun because you'll get dark"). The list goes on and on.
You said = But we have invested our entire lives into these relationships and willingly taken on hatred for the sake of loving our spouses and children (which is worth a million times more suffering!) I hate that the world is the way it is but I certainly didn't run from it when I chose my husband
(I never meant to imply anything about your relationship or choices and I am not in a position to judge.)
and clearly neither did ose_n_me (no comment).
These are our families. (yes, they are).

Someone said something regarding having mixed children, if the child appears to be more African than European, she will never understand what that child is living through.
( I made that statement).
Sure that's true. You can't actually LIVE another person's life. It was mentioned that she will feel compassion and heartbreak for that child though. That is so true, doesn't that amount to anything?
(It amounts to compassion).
I said = But until you LIVE IT and it reaks havoc upon your psyche while you try to rationalize within yourself why someone treats you differently due to circumstances you can not control and then for a civilized society to encompass this behavior. You will never understand, that is all I meant when I said you have to black to understand. We not only have racism to deal with in society, but we have a more detrimental racism within our own culture that got its roots from the days of slavery. So as I stated, compassion is the best we as humans...can offer. I can't find any other way to explain to you the magnitude of the underlying issues and damages that one goes through.
You said = I don't know any mother who can witness her child's suffering and not suffer double.
Although ose_n_me is not African American, her credentials to me speak volumes.
(Okay, if I were hiring, her credetials would mean something to me also, but I have no job openings).

She genuinely cares. She is invested in this with everything she is. (You said so)

You asked = What do you want us to do?
I answered = I want you to keep doing what you are already doing, being proactive about these issues because now, they affect you, due to your choices. If you would have chosen a different mate (of the caucasion persuasion), these issues would not even have crossed your mind. I'm not saying this in an angry way.
(No anger detected)
It's a serious question. (I agree)
You asked = What do you want us to do to better understand you?
I answered = (My grandmother has always told me to arm yourself with knowledge and prepare to use your knowledge proactively, productively, and constructively. She later told me to also hear with your ears, see with your eyes and comprehend with the heart of the ones that are suffering.)
You asked = How can we gain a better understanding of one another?
I answered = If we take "self" out of the equation and add in self accountability, then we might be able to "accept" each other instead of "tolerating" eachother.
Be Blessed in your journey and in all your getting "get understanding"

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-25 21:34:00

QUOTE (unononehigher @ Dec 24 2007, 08:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

First of all, No applause is needed. Nothing that I do or say is meant for mans approval or accolades.
The only thing your post did was illustrate how crazy "You appear to be" not others, except for those that subscribe to your mind set.

You said I should have explained myself. Everything I said was self explanatory, if you were not in a hurry to find a self serving cause, and thoroughly read what I wrote in its full context, you would not have mislead yourself or others.

And yes, you laid "the groundwork", but you poured the wrong foundation, even now your "foundation" is...shakey. Oh, and I respect your opinion, its just that you have no moral high ground to stand upon in my world or the world of ANY BLACK WOMAN. I dont care how many black men you date or how many biracial babies you give birth to or how many times you say "my bad". That even applies to your daughter, if you have one and she appears more ethnic than european. You will never understand what she will pass through, you can hold her hand, and console her, but never UNDERSTAND the plight and misjustices perpetrated upon a black woman. So don't fool yourself and think that you can.
All of the degrees, international studies, and marriage/family etc. in the WORLD will not quantify or qualify you as an expert on any field in regards to minority communication, socialization or ostracization. So don't let your so-called worldly and academia experiences give you a false sense of security in sharing your view point in a "black womans" world or mind.
Now, don't go misinterpreting that as my saying don't share, by all means do, that puts more meat on the platter, just don't get it twisted in thinking that you can attempt to discredit or invalidate that which you have no intricate knowledge. Which is what you did.
As for the black women you have in your life both professionally and personally, do you go around telling them their experiences are fraudulent or ridiculous because "with my education and personal experience i feel comfortable sharing my viewpoint. In addition, i am a devote christian who puts God first in my life."
Now, where is the respect in statements such as:
"U have opened up a can of worms now!" = instigation
"And i understand that opinions are formed in several ways" = first correct statement you made
"i must respect ur opinion, although i don't understand it." = ignorance
"U cant be so naive as to think that white women choose to love a black man just so there is one less for u!" = demeaning, superiority complex coupled with arrogance
"Do u hear how riduculous all this sounds" = belittling and invalidation
"Its not about u!" = deflection, hostility, persecution
"But please don't blame me for the hatred of others. I wish to be judged as an individual. Not as a reflection of the past." = self vindication
"And it really bothered me, the comment made that" = WHO GIVES A DAMN!!! SO FALL OF YOUR SOAP BOX.
"I used to agree with some of those statements until I realized that there are some men in our race that need to be given away"..=Severe misqoute followed by more ignorant rantings causing others to follow your lead.
The bible teaches "beware of fales teachers, they come to kill and destroy!"
And yes, I did use the word "typical" not specifically, or majority, or all, neither did I say every black woman.
So no, You insighted the specifications of all black women, not I.
And just as your interpretation was off and still is off, so is your 1/2 a$$ apology.
And never once did I say I know your life experiences, you put you into this scenario.(and then attempted to drag me along with you), hold up, "move _ _ _ CH, get out the way!"
The O.P. asked questions about what were the black women thinking and as I stated earlier, I gave her some possible synopsis'.
You kicked it into third gear because you honestly don't know, and most of time anything we don't know, scares us or the truth hurts, take your pick.
And the "christian" thing to do would be to learn to be a christian at heart, and not a christian at mouth.
P.S. You give yourself too much credit girl, take note:
You don't have enough power to make UNO angry.
But what you do have is a need to be truly enlightened and humbled. Some one out here can help you with one of the needed aforementioned attributes. The rest is up to you.
Peace to all,
no hurt, no harm, and no foul

To DivineMercy- If anything that I said offended you, charge it to my head and not my heart. I thought I went through your post step by step and answered each of your questions whole heartedly, truthfully, and from a clearmind set.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-24 09:41:00

First of all, No applause is needed. Nothing that I do or say is meant for mans approval or accolades.
The only thing your post did was illustrate how crazy "You appear to be" not others, except for those that subscribe to your mind set.
And yes, you laid "the groundwork", but you poured the wrong foundation, even now your "foundation" is...shakey. Oh, and I respect your opinion, its just that you have no moral high ground to stand upon in my world or the world of ANY BLACK WOMAN. I dont care how many black men you date or how many biracial babies you give birth to or howm many times you say "my bad". That even applies to your daughter, if you have one and she appears more ethnic than european. You will never understand what she will pass through, you can hold her hand, and console her, but never UNDERSTAND the plight and misjustices perpetrated upon a black woman. So don't fool yourself and think that you can.
All of the degrees, international studies, and marriage/family etc. in the WORLD will not quantify or qualify you as an expert on any field in regards to minority communication, socialization or ostracization. So don't let your so-called worldly and academia experiences give you a false sense of security in sharing your view point in a "black womans" world or mind.
Now, don't go misinterpreting that as my saying don't share, by all means do, that puts more meat on the platter, just don't get it twisted in thinking that you can attempt to discredit or invalidate that which you have no intricate knowledge. Which is what you did.
As for the black women you have in your life both professionally and personally, do you go around telling them their experiences are fraudulent or ridiculous because "with my education and personal experience i feel comfortable sharing my viewpoint. In addition, i am a devote christian who puts God first in my life."
Now, where is the respect in statements such as:
"U have opened up a can of worms now!" = instigation
"And i understand that opinions are formed in several ways" = first correct statement you made
"i must respect ur opinion, although i don't understand it." = ignorance
"U cant be so naive as to think that white women choose to love a black man just so there is one less for u!" = demeaning, superiority complex coupled with arrogance
"Do u hear how riduculous all this sounds" = belittling and invalidation
"Its not about u!" = deflection, hostility, persecution
"But please don't blame me for the hatred of others. I wish to be judged as an individual. Not as a reflection of the past." = self vindication
"And it really bothered me, the comment made that" = WHO GIVES A DAMN!!! SO FALL OF YOUR SOAP BOX.
"I used to agree with some of those statements until I realized that there are some men in our race that need to be given away"..=Severe misqoute followed by more ignorant rantings causing others to follow your lead.
The bible teaches "beware of fales teachers, they come to kill and destroy!"
And yes, I did use the word "typical" not specifically, or majority, or all, neither did I say every black woman.
So no, You insighted the specifications of all black women, not I.
And just as your interpretation was off and still is off, so is your 1/2 a$$ apology.
And never once did I say I know your life experiences, you put you into this scenario.(and then attempted to drag me along with you, hold up, "move _ _ _ CH, get out the way!"
The O.P. asked questions about what were the black women thinking and as I stated earlier, I gave her some possible synopsis'.
You kicked it into third gear because you honestly don't know, and most of time anything we don't know, scares us or the truth hurts, take your pick.
And the "christian" thing to do would be to learn to be a christian at heart, and not a christian at mouth.
P.S. You give yourself too much credit girl, take note,
You don't have enough power in this life time to make UNO angry. But what you do have is a need to be truly enlightened and humbled. Some of out here can help you with one of the needed aforementioned attributes. The rest is up to you.
Peace to all,
no hurt, no harm, and no foul

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-24 09:12:00

QUOTE (BESANGIN @ Dec 23 2007, 10:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (unononehigher @ Dec 23 2007, 09:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Salutations,
If your can of worms got open, it was not my doing. They were there before I existed, you are using my statement out of context.
You state that "...although i don't understand it." What is not to understand about my statement, I gave a generalized view, not explicitly categorially of all black women. The original poster asked "what are they really thinking?" and I gave her a short, brief synopsis of possibilities.

You state "Your comment made it seem as tho u think its just on a color basis."
Correction, that is YOUR interpretation of what I said, I can not control your lack of context understanding so don't blame me for your deep seated rooted issues.
"And even more disturbing, u feel that there is fundamentally something better or worse about a woman because of her color."
And again, that is your interpretation, your problem and so far you are still wrong about my intents.
"U cant be so naive as to think that white women choose to love a black man just so there is one less for u!"First of all, before you start assuming you know what deficits I may have, REWIND, and CORRECT YO'SELF. Up unitl I got married, I had an active membership card to the "Minority Womens Rainbow Coalition for Dating INC,"
so THERE HAS NEVER BEEN NEVER A SHORTAGE OF MEN FOR UNO!
" Or that we think we are better or more deserving." Sounds like you have a repressive superiority complex going on, I am not a therapist, nor do I practice one while masterbating. Moving on....
"And why cant a black man make that choice without being judged as someone "not knoing where he came from", or "selling out".
And again, YOU ARE OUT OF CONTEXT AND OUT OF ORDER!
Do u hear how riduculous all this sounds.
DO YOU HEAR HOW RIDICULOUS YOU SOUND...

Its not about u! I never once said it was about me, you turned this on me instead of where it was originally intended.
Its not about color! Well now, yes it is. she stated "This post is aimed mostly at the wonderful African American women who post so eloquently in this forum." And that leaves you where...and she went on to further state " But of course, all feedback is welcomed and appreciated."
"Its not about race!" Already dressed issue (see above^)
Its about love, choice, and humankind. Why should anyone care what someone else is doing, as long as they are happy, living a righteous life in God's eyes, and being a good human being. And if you honestly feel that way, then why am I your sounding board for December 22, 2007??

"And it really bothered me, the comment made that "I used to agree with some of those statements until I realized that there are some men in our race that need to be given away"..WOW..this implies you think that black men who date outside their race are somehow no good, or not worthy, or don't deserve the same amt of respect as other black men."
First of all, I don't give a damn about what bothers you. Get it straight. Moving on to your sad interpretations...yet again. No, all this implies is that you are not capable of reading things within context, your interpretation of statements are filled delusional inuendos and full of deep seated issues. Sorry, I am not a therapist. And for the record, I am the PROUD MOTHER OF THREE AFRICAN KINGS, so for your summary of my intent to be true according to sanity, I must hate myself and my children and that is not NO WHERE NEAR BEING TRUE!!
"Stop thinking their choices are a personal attack on black women! Can't everyone just be judged on their character and integrity, and not on who they choose to spend their life with. racism (n.) The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others."
You are in no authority to JUDGE my thinking, thank you very much. And I absolutely love your way of deflecting your issues upon me, but I am here to inform you that I do not grow from personal attacks.

In closing i would like to say that i will never pretend that i kno what its like to be black, nor african...i will never kno the true battles that were fought...I was not there in the days of slavery, or during the civil rights era...but please do not think i don't still feel the pain. I am ashamed of my people, and others who have done such atrocites to our own humankind. But please don't blame me for the hatred of others. I wish to be judged as an individual. Not as a reflection of the past.
Oh, really, You just did, by attempting to discredit and invalidate what I just said.
Now in closing. Every one have a Blessed Christamas and Prosperous New Year

You are my new hero!!!!!!

God Bless those who have great wisdom, understanding, comprehension and discernment. I am honored.
P.S. You were mine first.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-23 23:33:00

Typically, if an african american woman sees a white woman or any woman who is not black with one of our very own (regardless of where he's from), the thoughts are "why did he have to be with her, or who does she think she is and last but not least, what, a black woman aint good enough for him, he must have forgotten where he came from!"
Personally, I used to agree with some of those statements until I realized that there are some men in our race that need to be given away (that theory applies both ways not just to blacks but all races)! I also realized that to each his or her own, who am I to judge...so I guess I must have experienced some sort of growth.
If you are going to quote me, quote me right.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-23 23:01:00

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-23 22:51:00

I suppose my question(s) is/are something like this: Am I paranoid? Is there a general thought among older African American women regarding interracial marriages? I do realize that not all older people can be that way, my mother is not, the man at work is not. What am I up against here? What are they really thinking?

Salutations, I pray that you are blessed with wisdom and grace for your race.
To answer your questions: No, you are not being paranoid, you have just been enlightened to another level of social-racial consciousness or unconsciousness. She has informed you of the school of thought to which she subscribes.
Next answer, yes there is a general thought among african american women regarding interracial marriages, and no, age has nothing to do with it.
Typically, if an african american woman sees a white woman or any woman who is not black with one of our very own (regardless of where he's from), the thoughts are "why did he have to be with her, or who does she think she is and last but not least, what, a black woman aint good enough for him, he must have forgotten where he came from!"
Personally, I used to agree with some of those statements until I realized that there are some men in our race that need to be given away (that theory applies both ways not just to blacks but all races)!
I also realized that to each his or her own, who am I to judge...so I guess I must have experienced some sort of growth.
And as far as your male coworker, typically most african american men dont care what color the woman is, as long as she is a woman.
Its african american women that tend to stay close to our own, and those reasons are deep rooted in our culture, society, and history. You would have to be black to understand exactly where I am coming from. I hope I have shed some light on your situation.
P.S. From a societal perspective; the more successful a black man, the more money he makes, the lighter his woman should be. (Its a climb up the status ladder).
If you have any more questions, please feel free to pm.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-23 17:58:00

What Do You Think

Woot, Damn Woot, Efia. Girl you hit that shiot dead on the nail.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-27 17:48:00

What Do You Think

Salutations to all (esp. B-sangin)
I don't know anything about your "story" or its "characters" but the only thing I can tell you is this, "Tell your story, it has happened and you have moved on from it." Your "testimony" might be some one elses "light on a dark and confusing trail." Regardless of how the "cut goes and comes" you know you, and attempted to share that with some one who was "possibly underserving or too immature to appreciate the fact that underpressure, coal turns to a diamond!"
It is his loss, not yours.
And for the record, "his people" knows exactly how he is, they knew him before you even came into his life. So he can paint himself with bold colours to them if he wants to, they know that he is truly a "pastel pink" on the inside.

P.S. are you sure we aint cut from the same cloth?
"do they think I am that stupid enough to take on the expense of flying my big A$$ all the way there to marry a PISS POOR A$$ man to bring him back here to cheat on him, when I could have stayed on my own continent and found a PISS POOR man to cheat on for FREE!!!!!!??????"
That is the exact same thing I had to tell some one not even 2 weeks ago...word for freakin' word!

Well, Damn!!!

Edited by unononehigher, 27 December 2007 - 03:57 PM.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-27 15:55:00

Co-sponsor clarity needed

QUOTE (ZeeNusah @ Dec 29 2007, 06:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

When looking at the income guidelines there are just 3 areas, the 48 contiguous states, Alaska and Hawaii; it does not go state by state. Here are the 2007 poverty guidelines: http://travel.state..../info_1327.html

I am not sure about financial aid and how that all fits into the income equation.

QUOTE (unononehigher @ Dec 29 2007, 07:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I do not file income taxes. I am unemployed. My mother and uncle file taxes. My income is non-taxable.

Just FYI, you also have to fill out an I-134 even if you are unemployed.

Thanks, I guess I'll keep looking for clarification concerning the F.A. aspects.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-29 19:55:00

Co-sponsor clarity needed

QUOTE (chispas @ Dec 29 2007, 06:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi,
I don't think I can answer all the questions, because of the financial aid from your school. However, you filed your taxes for last year and the income you stated there is only part of the equation. I am not clear if you can use child-support as income. Just be careful what you list in case you have to justify it to the IRS later on. The income guidelines that they use are the Federal Guidelines. The new guidelines should be out in early Spring for next year, so you may be using the one for 2007 or 2008

2007 HHS Poverty Guidelines
Persons
in Family or Household 48 Contiguous
States and D.C. Alaska Hawaii
1 $10,210 $12,770 $11,750
2 13,690 17,120 15,750
3 17,170 21,470 19,750
4 20,650 25,820 23,750
5 24,130 30,170 27,750
6 27,610 34,520 31,750
7 31,090 38,870 35,750
8 34,570 43,220 39,750
For each additional
person, add 3,480 4,350 4,000

SOURCE: Federal Register, Vol. 72, No. 15, January 24, 2007, pp. 3147–3148

Here is a link on VJ that explains the income guidelines further : http://www.visajourn...mp;page=support

I do not file income taxes. I am unemployed. My mother and uncle file taxes. My income is non-taxable.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-29 19:31:00

Co-sponsor clarity needed

Salutations to all,
I have a quandary.

I am an unemployed full time student, graduating in May of '08.
My personal income monthly is about $1600 per month (not including my fluctuating child-support which amounts to $1100 monthly when its consistent).
I have 2 co-sponsors lined up (my mother who lives instate and my uncle who lives out of state).
When using a co-sponsors income to meet the "income guidelines" are they referring to the income guidelines of the petitioners state of residency or the income guidelines of the co-sponsors state of residence?
[further information - my uncle lives in the "south" and he makes "well above" the poverty guidelines for "his" state of residency, but his income is "just above" the poverty guidelines for "my" state of residency.]
Oh, another thing, I also receive financial aid disbursements, do I use that as a source of income as well and if so, do I go to the F.A. office at my school and request my tuition reward letter to submit?
Any and all constructive comments are welcome.
I thank you in advance.

Edited by unononehigher, 29 December 2007 - 06:57 PM.

Simply_Uno

Female

2007-12-29 18:56:00

Inspirational...how has your SO impacted your life

QUOTE (I @ Dec 15 2007, 08:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Joshua and I are connected in a way that goes beyond romance, beyond friendship, beyond what we've ever had before. It has defied time, distance, and changes in ourselves and in our lives and it has defied every explanation except one: Purely and simply we're 'Soul Mates'. We can't explain it,We just feel it. It's there in the way our spirits subtly lifts whenever we talk, it seems that everything about him is oh so perfect. Our spirits just connect in a way that I am convinced this is an unexplainable, unquestionable, undeniable LOVE. Joshua is a man after God's own heart. When my flesh was to weak to sustain, Joshua carried the cross for me by praying harder, fasting more, going to prayer meetings, and conferences. He has blessed me just by his presence in my life. I'm better so much better because of him. Joshua gives me the drive that I need to press on. he encourages my heart everyday. he is more than a conquerer. The obstacles he has gone through I would have been dead a long time ago, but God spared us just so that we would see this day and come to know each other. He showed me what it's like for someone to love you UNCONDITIONALLY. Me and Joshua look like the totally opposite couple. He is not even the type of man that I would even pay attention to . First of all he shorter than me

. Than on top of that he is SO SKINTY( he is beyond skinny, he skinty). and me I am thick Sista. Not once did my weight or height make the difference. he was convinced he could handle me and HE DID

. He told me ( when I had doubts) he was in a lifetime contract so whatever was bothering me "we would work it out.
When I traded "ME " for "WE" it was all to the glory of God. Joshua is so intelligent, sincere, and a Godsent. . The distance couldn't stop nor block what God had in store for us.
The songwriter said it best,"What God has for me it is for me".

Bless you all and the marriages represented here today

I whole heartedly agree with your statements. I can not say enough about the God I serve. I have said it before, God is awsome and he shows me he loves me everyday through my husband.
I can not tell it all.
Be blessed

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-01-01 22:08:00

why oh, why wont she have some fun

QUOTE (Bashorun @ Jan 7 2008, 01:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jan 7 2008, 02:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh Wow, I have been away from you guys and already you are talking about me behind my back, LOL.
Well now, where do I start.
Yes, I have been through the ringer in some very bad and detrimental relationships, since my "friend" had to put me on blast, and yes, I have taken my self off of the market, and....NO, I am not going to entertain the adult "alternative recreation devices" industry, thank you very much "Patti"

it was a nice touch though

Lets see, to "Alex and KNL" she is not in love with me, she just loves me as a little sister...and that is just wierd, eewwwww

To "Chis, Zee, Efia, Be, Queen, Omoba" and everyone else,
I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY CYBER HEART for explaining this to my associate, *cough* friend since "diapers". I can't believe she actually put that in here

. I have been attempting to enlighten her on the aspects of my new life and all that it entails, but being from chi-town and having to adopt/adapt to the "fake it to make in order to survive" mentality is more than a mantra, if you are not strong enough, it can consume you and your psyche and thus manifesting itself into your life.
I broke away from the majority of that and took lifes lessons with me, I cut loose some very toxic people and I only kept around those that were tried and true.
The young lady that started this thread, they don't come no more tried and no more truer.
She is definitely a ride or die chick from the west side of chicago and I thank God for her, and for her keeping me grounded.
So that being said, this thread can close now if the MODs' see fit.
Peace to everyone.
UNO

P.S. To Chis, you are very perceptive, she is not going to lose me or our friendship, just like I was blessed to have my comforter manifested in my husband, she is gaining an extension of me, manifested in my husband who is going to love her as one of his sisters.

She and I have/had to learn to stop punishing everyman for what we did not get from our fathers or past relationships and allow God to bring people (husbands/wives) into our lives and show us his (Gods) love and then learn how to accept his (Gods) love through these people.

Well, I don't know the kind of friendship U have with the OP but I know something and that something is that she is trying to get inbetween a marriage with whatever she has posted and if ur husband ever has the opportunity to see what she posted, am sure he wouldn't like her one bit.
He probably wont, but he is going to have to understand her perspective on the situation and know that I ultimately did what is right for us and by us.
From what I read of her post, she sounded more angry with the fact that she is lossing the time u both give each other and the way U have fun together and the reason for all these is the african man U married who is sea far away.

But again, let me advise U and will use the word please here. Keep ur friend as a friend and ur husband as ur husband. Why? becos when it gets into the stage whereby ur husband wants you to choose between him or ur friend then you know U have got it wrong along the line. Either U didn't straighten some stuffs out on time and allowed an outer force inbetween your marriage. Why am I saying this? cos I don't want another woman coming here and keep posting she got scamed by an african man. There are things african men can't stand and am sorry to say, u r heading towards that path.

I thank you for your advise. As far as our friendship is concerned, like she so blatantly put it "we have been friends since diapers." So that should explain the depths of our relationship. As far as "my marriage" is concerned, that is my marriage and she is fully aware of that. Anybody that knows "UNO" knows that I know my priorities. My priorities are my kids (not by my husband), and my husband. She is worried about my well being and my not losing "self" to a self destructive relationship or to some one who is not deserving of me. As far as the "scamming" is concerned, you don't have to go trans-atlantic to get scammed, that happens here right in the good ole U.S. of A. Check out the "baby mama - daddy drama" situations, since those situations are common place, its not called scamming, its called "drama!" So as far as that goes, no one (atleast I'm not) thinking about being scammed. As far as the path that I am on, I pray that it is one which is blessed and graced by God, ordained by Jesus and protected by the Holy Ghost. I thank you all for your care and concern.

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-01-07 08:23:00

why oh, why wont she have some fun

it was a nice touch though

Lets see, to "Alex and KNL" she is not in love with me, she just loves me as a little sister...and that is just wierd, eewwwww

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-01-07 01:33:00

The African Culture-What things do you know?

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Jan 10 2008, 08:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jan 9 2008, 09:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Jan 9 2008, 08:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (unononehigher @ Jan 9 2008, 08:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Bassi and Zainab @ Jan 9 2008, 05:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Nana_Afia_B @ Jan 9 2008, 06:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hello everyone, i'm new to the forum but wanted to post my two (or three, or four) cents!

I'm recently married to a Ghanaian man. He is an Akan. I have to say that, like someone else mentioned, Africa (and even Ghana) is a diverse place with many different subcultures. I've found the most helpful thing for me to do is to attempt to learn his language and how to cook Ghanaian dishes that he likes. The following website is a good resource for anyone married to an African man/woman www.abibitumikasa.com. They off courses in several different African languages including Twi and Swahili. They even offer classes!

Awwwww man! That is such a cool resource. I want to learn hausa and it's not listed. Dang nab it!!! I've been going through an online course from byki.com. They have hausa. It's at your own pace, which is good, cause I forget things now that I haven't been back to Ghana in six months.

PS Welcome to VJ! How is your visa journey going?

Hausa is here, 2 column 4th row (or something), but it's there or here.

http://www.byki.com/

Yeah. I know. I downloaded and I'm taking it there. I was looking for it on the website she just posted. That website is very interesting because they have online, face to face courses. Are you doing hausa with byki.com? Maybe we can practice together. I sent my future father in law a birthday card in November with handwritten notes in hausa. Hee Hee. Now, I'm his favorite daughter in law.

Naw, my 'usban, speaks "GA", I can't find that language no damn where.
And you know what, (whispering, "come closer"), I can't understand nothing he says while he's speakin' in tongues, (and guurrrllllll, I can make him speak some tongues

), ahem

, but anyway, I can definitely tell when he is cursing some one out.

What else does he speak? Most africans speak more than one language. Maybe you can learn another one of the languages he speaks.
he speaks ga and english only. his sisters and father are multi-multi lingual.

Zee, do you speak hausa? I have a theory.

QUOTE (Nana_Afia_B @ Jan 9 2008, 10:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thank you for the warm welcome. I can't remember the exact dates of our AOS timeline, but we submitted paperwork in August (I-485, I-765). Hubby has done biometrics and got EAD. Our interview is scheduled for the end of this month. YAAY! We're counting down the days.

Oooo....Good luck! Definitely let us know how the interview goes. Some people on VJ have gotten AOS without an interview, so it may not be terribly difficult.

Simply_Uno

Female

2008-01-10 11:16:00