biggish data

Answer from Colorado Senator

Let me throw in my 2 cents. I understand everyone is frustrated with IMBRA. I'm glad I was finished before that happened. HOWEVER, it is a good law, and changing the law in something like that always causes beaurocratic nightmares for a while.

It seems like people here have some idea that they are owed a quick processing time by USCIS. No where does USCIS promise a 2 or 3 month turnaround for I-129Fs (unfortunately!). There is nothing your Senator or Congressman can do about the current situation, because it is not as simple as telling USCIS to straighten it out. Trust me, the employees and directors of USCIS realize there is a problem and are doing their best to fix it. They are faced, however, with a massive backlog that will simply take time to resolve. Having 535 Members of Congress constantly calling to inquire about cases probably won't speed things up for anyone!!

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-07-21 08:29:00

Best of luck with everything! The mexico threads have been a little quiet lately...hopefully that means everyone is having a smooth process!

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-30 14:21:00

we went at about 7 a.m. because I had heard the same thing. In my experience, though, we could have gone later and it wouldn't have mattered! we ended up being at the end of the line, but everyone was processed the same morning no matter when they went in. If you are an early riser, by all means go for it, but I wouldn't be too concerned with getting there extremely early. I think 7 or 8 is plenty early! I think that kitkat is right though, you need to be there by 10.

Don't be worried if you get there and see a long line. It moves fast once they open the doors.

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-21 08:45:00

Thank God we don't all have to wait for that letter. With the mail system in Mexico, we might be waiting for a loooong time!

My fiancee NEVER received the letter in Mexico! As you noted, it's not surprising :lol:

The U.S. citizen will get a copy as well, which is what we used, but there's no reason to wait if you are in a hurry!

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-20 10:43:00

Exactly. Just go to the consulate's website (http://ciudadjuarez....v/wwwhivfi.html), click on "Fiancee packet" and compile all the information that they ask for. After that you can head to Juarez! We had the letter from the Consulate before we went, but I've read accounts from many other people who went without the letter. Suerte

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-20 09:39:00

big sigh of relief - thank you so much for that clarification

One question - the window at the consulate is not the same as the window at the information booth where someone else said the line was 5 hours longs and the woman was a dumbo?

(Is it a window outside the consulate? Otherwise how would we get in? )

No problem! From the outside, the Consulate is just an extremely long, gray wall all the way down teh block. If i remember correctly, there are 2 doors outside. One door is where everyone enters for appointments, and thus where there is a long line (but only in the morning!!). The other door, as far as I could tell, was just for staff, etc. There is a window next to that door, though, where someone was sitting, and from time to time I saw people going to get papers, etc from her. It's really easier that it sounds. Once you get there you will see where to go. You can always just walk up and ask any of the security staff outside.

I didn't have to interact with anyone there, so i can comment on their intellectual ability :lol:

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-19 15:43:00

To clarify some of your concerns about packet 3, medical, etc, here are some quick observations:

You do NOT need to wait to get packet 3 in the mail. I got it in the U.S., but it is identical to the packet online. My fiancee in Mexico never received it! Compile all the things that the letter asks for, and simply go to the window at the consulate to get a letter. You do not need to wait in line to go to the window. there is no line for the window.

You DO need to make sure that the consulate has received the packet from the NVC. I did this by emailing the consulate and asking. they sent me an email saying they had in fact received our info from the NVC. The email for the consulate is cdjimmigrantvisas@state.gov.

You do not need to line up for the clinic early in the morning. we went at about 7:30 and it would have been the same if we went at 5:30. no matter when you go, you get the results at 2 p.m.

Good luck everyone!

Edited by jbeabout, 19 June 2006 - 09:05 AM.

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-19 09:01:00

check out this thread for a lot of info on mexico: http://www.visajourn...hp?showtopic=87

good luck!

Gosh you two are cute - I wish you could post more photos!

Can you please keep us posted on the timing of your AOS, especially the EAD?

Thanks

Thanks Kitkat. I will try to post some more photos! We'll keep you updated. We are just waiting for Sofia to another round of vaccinations in a couple of weeks and then we'll be sending in our packet.

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-15 13:59:00

check out this thread for a lot of info on mexico: http://www.visajourn...hp?showtopic=87

good luck! :thumbs:

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-06-15 13:42:00

Non-legal wedding ceremony before getting a visa???

We had a christian wedding in Mexico before the legal wedding in the U.S. because it was the only way for my wife's family to take part in our wedding. WE didn't publicize this to the USCIS, and frankly I don't think it's much of a risk to do it!

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2009-06-02 09:21:00

TOTAL COST OF K1 VISA

I just had to send $745 with my AOS packet (included AP and EAD fees).

VivaMexico

Male

Mexico

2006-07-05 10:09:00

7 months for a K-1? (pre-engagement thinking ahead)

I'm a U.S. Citizen, who's been in a relationship with a Canadian woman for some time now, and it is quite reasonable to assume that we/I will be active participants on this board in the not-too-distant future

She is living near Toronto, I live near St. Paul Minnesota.

Firstly, for those of you who are in this process or have finished it already, are there things you wish you would have know/done before you were engaged?

Secondly, I am just trying to make sure I'm interpreting the data properly - wanting to understand the realistic timetables involved. If I look at the data on the statistics page, it looks to me like it will be at least 7 months from the time the K-1 application is started until she gets an interview. Is that an accurate interpretation? Knowing it might be at least that long might be a consideration that would move us towards taking certain steps sooner rather than later.

Also, do K-1 processing times tend to take longer or shorter depending on the country of the Non-US Citizen? (I.e., does her being Canadian as opposed to some other nationality have any bearing on the potential timetables involved?)

tallfrond

Male

Canada

2009-08-04 17:35:00

K-1 Overstay consequences?

Also keep in mind, you have six months to enter the country on your visa after receiving it. The 90 day countdown doesn't start until you actually enter the country. If it helps at all, you can delay your entry and thus move the 90-day window closer to whenever you need to get married.

tallfrond

Male

Canada

2010-09-22 12:20:00

Thanks everyone! Hopefully they get this done the right way with minimal issues.

Have any of you ever seen issues with a family member trying to get a visiting visa when another family member was denied entry and had their visa revoked? Or do they not tie them together in any way?

typhoon

Not Telling

Ukraine

2007-09-20 09:15:00

QUOTE (pushbrk @ Sep 19 2007, 06:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What isn't clear to you is what needs to be clear in order to have a good answer but a line from a famous movie comes to mind. "Stupid is as stupid does."

At the very least, this young lady should be prepared to explain her actions to the satisfaction of a Consular Officer at her K1 visa interview.

That is actually very fitting the situation. heh

typhoon

Not Telling

Ukraine

2007-09-19 18:40:00

QUOTE (Dan + Gemvita @ Sep 19 2007, 06:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Her issues with the B2 visa wont cause problems with a K-1 visa. But it will come up and she will have to report it on the forms used for the interview.

On a B2 visa, you can only stay in the US for 6 months out of a year. And you cannot enter with the intent to marry and stay in the US. If she was successful with that, she could get denied or banned at the AOS stage.

Ok, I wasn't totally sure how they see those things. I've seen posts where people simply couldn't prove ties but not where there intent was necessarily to immigrate. Thank goodness she wasn't successful and all-out banned from the country.

typhoon

Not Telling

Ukraine

2007-09-19 18:37:00

Of course, but I wasn't there. I don't have a first-person account of this, and I'm sure I'd never see any report they may send off. I'm really only looking for general observations of what I do know, not what I don't. If there just isn't enough information to make a general observation or think of a similar account you may have seen before, then ok.

typhoon

Not Telling

Ukraine

2007-09-19 18:30:00

Well, what additional information can I provide? I know she was given an oath, and she says she told them that she was planning to do her documents here. Obviously they understood that to mean she was going to get married, as she had all of her documents minus any of the other things required for a K1, like a medical exam, etc.

typhoon

Not Telling

Ukraine

2007-09-19 18:24:00

Odd question, but here goes. An in-law came using a multi-entry vistor visa (B2) to marry her finace using a visa we helped her obtain to visit us and other family. We advised her against attempting to do this, but she was denied entry when she was forced to show that the address she said she was staying at was her boyfriend. Previously her 3 month stay had turned into 6 months through flight extensions, and she came back after only 2 months in her home country.

It isn't clear to me whether she had lied at any time to the CBP or told them the whole truth, but she was denied entry, visa revoked, and sent home. She maintains that there was nothing wrong with what she was trying to do, but now they are looking to do a K1 visa. Due to her intent to immigrate on the non-immigrant visa, is it likely she would be denied the K1 visa based on her denial of entry and subsequent visa revocation? Of course, I am not entirely sure of what was said and what the CBP thought her intent was or wasn't.

To me it sounds like they created a mess of problems, and the fiance is planning to use one of the thousand dollar Internet lawyers to process the K1. To me, this sounds like a much more costly legal issue.

Also, what concerns me in particular is that other in-laws that had their visa issued at the same time (single entry) may be affected by her attempt to immigrate when they apply for another visa to visit in the future. Any thoughts on that one as well?

typhoon

Not Telling

Ukraine

2007-09-19 18:18:00

Taxable income

Greetings.

I am from US. My fiancee is from Nassau. We have been dating and engaged a total of 2 years.

I've been divorced for 5 years, and owed my small-business partner gobs and gobs of money, as he got dragged into the mess, financially. (We are not a corporation or something. Just 2 guys, living together, who do specialty carpentry.) As such, it seemed practical, at the time, that I simply not receive a paycheck. I have no taxable income to show prior to this year, as I did not receive paychecks then.

Still struggling financially, but not so badly. Now, I've met THE ONE. She happens to live outside the U.S. and I am discovering complications on my end for uniting us. It is certainly not a lack of love. Most of her belongings are here. She is visiting and in the other room as we speak, sending emails and photos from her birthday party, celebrated here. She is at home here.

I read in a forum that one year's taxable income will do. I was told on the phone that I require three years.

Can I start the K-1 visa process with one years income?

I have a willing and financially able sponsor.

I am not sure if my lack of activity prior to this year is going to come into question. I worked for free because I owed. The lawyer with whom I spoke on the phone ended the conversation as she thought I was up to no good.

Hindsight is 20/20. Maybe I should have claimed false income? If I claim now, it looks a mess, anyway.

This is so distressing.

SO, the question: Is one year sufficient?

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-09-19 14:05:00

Could ya'll proofread this for me?

My fiancee and I are into the video games. Final Fantasy, to be precise.

Best of luck to you both.

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-11-20 04:50:00

IF I DONT MARRY AND GET BACK,

HELLO FRIEND..
I WONDER. IF I DONT GET MARRY,CAN I MAKE THE K1 VISA AGAIN WITH ANOTHER MAN??

Gee, where too can I meet a woman of loose morals?

Wow.

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-11-20 15:39:00

If I understand this correctly, you have not filed your income taxes for 2003 and 2004 but did for 2005. Now you are worried about showing enough income for your fiancee's approval. First, I would say that claiming you were an employee of your friend would be a problem for him since you do not have a W-2 from him. If you and he work together in a business, then yes it is a partnership. However, your situation sounds like two self employed individuals that basically are in the same type of business. If you had self employment income of more than $400 (net profit) in any year, then you are required to file an income tax return.

Now it is possible that you did not have any income in those unfiled years and were not required to file a tax return. This does happen from time to time, even in America. But that being said, you will need to be prepared for show the IRS how it was you were able to survive without income. Maybe you lived with a parent or very good friend and they didn't mind taking care of you temporarily or lived on borrowed money. If you can prove this, then you don't have any problem about the non-filed years. But, it might be a good idea to file the tax returns for those other years and pay any taxes.

The consulate in your fiancee's home country is concerned that you have current income or sufficient assets to support both of you above the poverty lines. The most current tax return is always the best indicator of your status. If you did not need to file in the prior years, then just state that in an attachment to your financial responsibility documents. You should also be aware that the embassy wants self employed individuals to provide two years worth of bank statements that show enough deposits to satisify the amount of income reported.

Also, you should get your friend to file his taxes too. The IRS has a very long memory and they love to go after people that never file or refuse on some type of "Constitutional" reason. This type of stuff does not go away, it only gets worse. Just do it!

I am a professional with over 30 years experience.

Am I to assume you are a lawyer? I am grateful for the clarity you have given me.

It was 2006, where I was able to make deposits to my checking account.

Sounds like I have my work cut out for me, but now I have a far better understanding of what must be done. The thing that stirs in the back of my mind is, why hasn't the lawyer, aware of my dilema, been direct with me? I guess that his legal counsel was not in effect until I sent the check. Hmmm

Thank you so much for your instruction. :star:

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-11-23 00:39:00

I would go with the co-sponsor and leave the skeletons in the closet. Then resolve your ownership or employment issues and move from there.

Hi.

Could you be more specific?

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-11-20 15:22:00

The choice is up to you to hire a lawyer or not. It is just a personal preference or your degree of comfort dealing with filing out forms. As for being self employed, you and I have a common problem. Except I filed my taxes but chose to leave most money in my business to help grow it and buy other investments. This is what I think you should do: go back and file taxes, get a temporary job and/or co-sponsor. As far as back taxes, get yourself a good accountant to help you figure this out. This is a big problem you have. TECHNICALLY IT IS TAX EVASION.

Having a lawyer deal with matters of law seemed reasonable to me. I would rather spend some money for assurance than be paranoid that I did something wrong.

With regard to filing back taxes, like I said, I would have to be inventive. I simply do not have records of money going through any personal bank accounts. I did not get a paycheck.

The business is in my best friends name. He is sole proprietor. My name is on a business credit card. Should or could I claim I am an employee? Would that cause troubles for him? If I have no choice but to file 1040 back taxes, how many years do I have to go back to substantiate myself? What would the embassies look at to substantiate it? I would have to claim low income. Claiming I made income to exceed their guidelines, in light of circumstances, may look worse... I think.

I know I need to provide enough info of Supporting Evidence, but I am paranoid I may provide too much and diminish hers/my chances. I read somewhere, I think the 1-864 documentation, that I can attach a note of explanation. Is this a bad idea?

I have a very solid co-sponsor. Does this help or eliminate any of the above problems?

My best friend offered to put things in my name to bolster assets. We have an unfinished house that is completely paid for... but is not much to look at. He wants to sign the work truck over to me too. Is this even helpful?

This I.O.U has gone so far south.

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-11-20 12:35:00

anyone?

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-11-20 04:52:00

You cannot pick the conditions under which your heart is going to tell you, "This is your true companion." I only hope integrity is not my undoing. Please help me sort this out. Please.

I never imagined my clone would be from another country, but that is the mystique of the internet. We are all united in this way.

I have a situation that, perhaps, some may understand. Small town, simple values, your word is your bond, type of scenario.

I'm on the fence, regarding how to proceed. I have been divorced, but the fallout has dragged my best friend into the mess, financially. Imagine a shared household, some co-signings, loans, credit cards, all in the interest of building each others credit, then I divorce her, for very good reason, and she later files for bankruptcy. My best friend winds up with all her bills, having cosigned. She was actually helping him with building his credit, but that is not how it ended.

My best friend is sole proprietor of a very small custom carpentry business. Just he and I. Small potatoes, but we do great work. I did not accept a paycheck for years... about 5 or 6. Yes, the damage was that bad.

Things have improved. I have 2006 to claim as reasonable income for myself, but he has not filed. We are only floating. I have a solid co-sponsor and my fiancee and I plan to use the John F. Roth & Associates visa lawyer advertised all over this site.

I have read that as "self-employed," I must submit copies of every 1040. Uh... My life was a simple I.O.U. prior to meeting the (technically, alien fiancee) woman with whom a lifetime is not long enough. Most of her stuff is here. She helped paint our bedroom, and she purchased curtains and lamps and things for it. She has a personality and feelings and loves me for me! My fun buddy. You get the picture.

Sorry. Just very confused and upset. I am afraid the truth sucks and I am afraid to lie or embellish. I am not sure what to do. The legalities SUCK. This is genuine love, not politics.

If I file back taxes, I would have to lie. And that would appear contrived because I am trying to marry someone from abroad. Too many variables. My best friend is not inclined to filing taxes because that is 1/3 of the little income we made, and that would bury us, since we've been contending with so much debt.

Enough drama. Any clarity appreciated. The lawyer (not yet hired to proceed) is either very confident or did not feel obligated to answer some of my most personally important inquiries without charge. I hope we don't need to spend over $2000 for a lawyer to go through the formalities, even if they know it is hopeless. :help:

pooh_loves_muffet

Not Telling

Bahamas

2006-11-20 03:37:00

Can I file for the K1 while I am in his country visiting?

Hello,

I know that there is up to a year wait when filing for the K1. My question is, if I can send in the proofs asked for; gifts recipets, letters with stamps, package reciepts with date and address, photos of us together, description of how we met in person, etc. He is in India, I am from the USA. Is it possible to go ahead and file for the K-1 while I am on my visit to his country? I will be there roughly 6mos. and it would really eat up some of the time we would need to be seperated. Does anyone know if this is possible?

Thanks!

Thankyou everyone for the useful information. I really appreciate it, all of you! (hugs) for everyone!

mistylovesnikras

Female

India

2010-01-03 18:55:00

Can I file for the K1 while I am in his country visiting?

Hello,

I know that there is up to a year wait when filing for the K1. My question is, if I can send in the proofs asked for; gifts recipets, letters with stamps, package reciepts with date and address, photos of us together, description of how we met in person, etc. He is in India, I am from the USA. Is it possible to go ahead and file for the K-1 while I am on my visit to his country? I will be there roughly 6mos. and it would really eat up some of the time we would need to be seperated. Does anyone know if this is possible?

Thanks!

mistylovesnikras

Female

India

2010-01-03 17:57:00

do the parents share custody of the child, is that what you mean by anticipated problems with the father?

No they do not. My girlfriend has complete custody. The father does pay a small amount in child support. In Colombia the law says that the child can not leave the country permanently/partially without both parent's permission. We feel that this would be an issue for him to give his permission.

mnmike34

Male

Colombia

2010-04-18 21:14:00

SORRY! ...multiple post!

Edited by mnmike34, 18 April 2010 - 08:37 PM.

mnmike34

Male

Colombia

2010-04-18 20:36:00

Excellent advice here guys, thanks so much!! This site is great!!

One reason we wanted to live in Colombia for 2-3 years after we are married is because we think we are going to run into issues with her daughter's Colombian father. My girlfriend's mother used to work in the equivalent of a family court here in the US, and she said that at age 7, a Colombian child can chose what parent she wants to live with and if she wants to go with a parent who lives outside of the country. We are figuring that with 2-3 years of living with me and the continuing failings of her father, she will want to be with us when we come back here.

Does anyone know how long it would take to file for the DCF or CR-1 with us both living in Colombia? I am just curious of the time line so once we have a target date for coming back to the US, we will do it properly.

I think it is obvious that starting the K-1 application is not worth it with all of the potential problems that could arise while we are back in Colombia. Now when I go there in January, I may not have the job yet, do I need to just go regularly on the normal 90 day tourist visa? If so, once we are married there.. do I apply for a spouse visa there in Colombia for myself? If I am there for 2-3 years I obviously will establish residency, but will doing that cause any potential road blocks for us when we apply for the DCF CR-1 visas to come back here?

Anyone know of a good link to a site with good reputable notaries in Cali, Colombia?

Thanks again!

mnmike34

Male

Colombia

2010-04-18 20:33:00

IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures

Hello everyone!! I am a new member who has never posted before. I have been studying all of the wonderful information on this site for about a month now (on and off), I have also been on other related sites. I have read the K-1 Guide and the Flow Chart. I guess, with the more I read, the more I am just getting confused with how I should proceed.

I was hoping I could explain my situation briefly, and get some opinions from you all about how I should proceed. I see that many members here have gone through the different processes, so their opinions and help will be very beneficial I believe.

I am dating a woman from Colombia. We are in love. She is 22 years old and has a 5 year old daughter. She is in the university studying to become a Foreign Language Teacher. She speaks Spanish, English and French fluently. I am 35 years old and live in the United States. We have both never been married. I have no children of my own. We have been discussing marriage and both of us want to pursue that. Although she has already said yes (she hates surprises), I will be officially proposing to her in July. Our plan was to after the engagement, to begin the K-1 Visa process. She would come here on that visa hopefully in the end of December 2010, and then we would get married in January or February 2011, here in the United States. After the marriage, the plan was to go back to Colombia together to live for 2-3 years while she finishes school and gets some more experience teaching there. I will get a job and have a decent savings for back-up.

So, what I am wondering is: Should we just skip the K-1 Finance(e) visa altogether, and just do the engagement in July, then marry in Colombia when I arrive in January?? Once we marry there, then we can begin the process for a Spouse Visa? I am just trying to determine the easiest route for us. It seems to me that we would have to repeat several things if we did the Fiance(e)Visa first. Since we are planning on living in Colombia first for a couple of years at least, does it just make more sense to go there and get married, then apply for a Spouse Visa? I am aware of some of the things I will need to do to marry her there. Also, if we marry there and during the 2-3 years of living there with her, will I be able to bring her back to the United States for holidays to visit my family?

I hope this was not too vague and I am willing to fill in blanks if need be. We just don't want to waste a bunch of time. She comes from a good (financially) family there and wants to try out living in the United States some time in the future, but I think we will mainly be living in Colombia over the long-run. Any useful help and/or advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks in advance!

mnmike34

Male

Colombia

2010-04-18 16:13:00

Divorce

Kudos to you, Pittman - and your posts were great, Missliss

You know what? Sometimes life realy IS this hard....sometimes family members do insane things, run away, and times are difficult.

The easy way out would indeed be to give up. Is that right? Not if you know that you have the love, willpower and energy to give this issue a good sorting out! People rarely run out of love, or patience - good for you, that you know this, and are prepared to do what is right, and true, and honorable, and difficult, to try to help the woman you love, no matter how hard that might be.

There aren't many people around who'd be willing to put themselves TRULY on the line for an ill relative, in the way you are. Many would run away scared. It's good to know that you're aware that YOU could be a major factor in helping her out...my thoughts are with you because I think you know you're doing what you deem is right

JayJay

Female

United Kingdom

2006-02-19 13:09:00

IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures

Divorce

lol - guys, you two are lovely and wise people - don't you worry about jumping to conclusions, because you know what? You only had a certain amount of info to go by and did so in a respectful and kind manner

(I am thinking of certain people here who can be REALLY abrupt and unkind, and you two aint them

)

JayJay

Female

United Kingdom

2006-02-01 10:29:00

IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures

Divorce

Aha dawnnhatem! I was about to say the same kind of thing there!

Thing is this: while it's really, really easy to jump to conclusions over some people's actions, the truth is that people's actions, whatever they may be are influenced very deeply by the inner workings of their brain.

Sometimes, what might look like a blatant case of using may well not be so. Take for example an imaginary character Mary: Mary has asked her husband for a lot of money in the last few months, then more money again as she abruptly runs out all of a sudden, and then again. What could be going on? Well it's actually quite hard to ascertain...

1) Mary is staying somewhere in a hotel, paying for room and board, food, clothing, nappies etc and taxi rides and bus fares etc for herself and her little baby.

2) Mary has a shopping habit. A really big shopping habit - this happens an awful lot, ya know! It's pretty much an addiction, fueled by boredom, wanting a "place" and "things" for yourself (which would fit in rather well as an alien in the States), as well as other factors like family influence and type of childhood.

There could be tons of other reasons as well, as to why someone would require a lot of money on a monthly basis. One really cannot jump to a conclusion about that...

Ok - now onto the $2000 she offered you to marry her. Now I may be taking a giant leap here but there MUST have been a good reason for her to get out of Mexico and come to America. Why was that? What was she running away from there? Paying someone $2000 is a LOT of money to leave a place... And if she DID come here to escape something, does that necessarily mean that she doesn't love you? I don't think it's that clear cut, and I do think that saying it is would be really damaging - you can never, ever know exactly what's in someone's heart, especially not when they're as stressed out as your wife sounds, and in such an awkward situation.

It's NOT easy adjusting. Not easy at all...cultural differences come and hit you smack in the mouth when you least expect them to. I've found myself overwhelmed and feeling like a little kid on more than one occasion. My husband was riddled with guilt for keeping me here, became stressed and simultaneously wanted to fix things. We stopped smiling, laughing, cuddling and feeling close - even talking for a while, while this was going on. It felt for a little bit, like we were strangers. Do we love each other? Absolutely! Were we scared? Yes. Were we silly and childish sometimes in the ways that we acted that stress out? Yes. Did we want to be together? More than anything.

I would seriously suggest some counselling for you two - you know, you can have that not only with a therapist but also online, and obviously at a church as well. I also have a book recommendation for you which I honestly think BOTH of you should read that you can find here:

"Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved by You?"

It's by two married...marriage counsellors and is the best book on learning to communicate and understand another person, that I've ever read. Give that a shot - you will be pleasantly surprised, I guarantee it.

Here's the thing: she's agreed to go to counselling with you. That's a good thing. You want this, so what the hey - go after it. If you DO NOT go after this, you will regret it - whether or not she's "using you". That's the funny thing about life.

Nobody ever said marriage would be simple. Two people need to listen - really LISTEN to each other and accept what the other feels - whether it be about raising children, or moving to Memphis. You need to feel loved, she needs to feel loved and BOTH of you need to feel that your values, opinions and beliefs about all things are taken into account, thought about and considered by the other person. When your emotions STOP affecting her, and vice-versa, you've hit a stumbling block that should be deal with.

People are complex things: communication doesn't always come at the drop of a hat - if you have perfect communication in your marriage than lucky, lucky you - a lot of people around are dragging remnants of childhood, fears, insecurities, secrets and lies around like bits of concrete on chains from their feet. Communication can be hard, but here's the thing:- she's not "emotionless" or "cold" or "evil" - she has her reasons for doing everything, and if she's wanting to really talk to you, here's your chance to help her out for real - by listening, understanding and healing, you're in with a real shot of finding out why she's been so scared of being close to you these last few months, and I very much hope that you two can find the friendship and intimate love you once shared, on an even deeper level once again

JayJay

Female

United Kingdom

2006-02-01 09:32:00

filipina from bacalod caught doing lewd cam show

Oh I am going to shut up now

This topic kinda gets to me to be honest, and I don't really find the OP's post anything to laugh about. I do have a wicked sense of humor but not....on this one...

*bows out*

JayJay

Female

United Kingdom

2006-02-12 16:52:00

filipina from bacalod caught doing lewd cam show

That's hilarious.

My horizons are my own. If two people decide it's fine, that's fine. If one isn't cool with it, that's not fine.

Nobody should be bullied into doing or accepting something that they don't think is okay. That's bullying. That was my point.

My horizons include being in a relationship in which I am not lied to, especially about sex. Presumably the origional poster's sister felt the same way or she wouldn't have wanted to break up with her fiance.

JayJay

Female

United Kingdom

2006-02-12 16:26:00