ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

A likely story, Alan. Posted Image You disappoint sassycat Maven. If we moved to SLC, we'd have to take in Jewel too, since she's there already. I'm not sure if I can handle having three other women jostling with me, unless they are willing to also take part in librarian ticklefests too. And even then, they'd have to be willing to cede the spotlight to Owl and me.

I bet she's a bimbo anyway. I'm just going off to cry in a corner of the library, poutily and sexily, while I take solace in reading The Sorrows of Young Werther in my lace teddy.


I say young tootyfruit - that's a bit extreme isn't it ?

Not as if I had cast you into the pit (South Carolina)- not at all - more's the merrier as Freddie Mercury used to say.

I know - lets all get some bags of feathers and go down to the beach in Loosyanna and role about in the surf

Then we can lay down beside each other in a rowing boat and pretend to be a box of huge fluffy chocolate marshmallows

Bet you have never had that offer before this week

Edited by saywhat, 09 June 2010 - 05:09 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 17:08:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

WHAT?????

twowls, where are you? We need to take this interloping pretender downdowndowntown stat. No time for my fluffy boudoir kitten-heeled mules, pass me my hairbrush and microfilm, I am taking this "Nina" out.

There is hardly enough room for Owl in Alan's life after me, though she is getting more gracious about this. Alan does not have a No 3 Internet Girlfriend! No! No!Posted Image



And proud of it!


She threw hersef at me ! I was powerless - and anyway nothing really happened coz I couldn't stop thinking of the owl and the sassy cat ! We could all move to salt lake city and be a happy family ?
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 16:45:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

He said I could be his VJ internet girlfriend :luv:


shhh it's a secret - jeez you would be no good in Washington - you have to be diskreet !

The owl and the ##### cat will scrag me - and you ! Let's meet when they are talking about something thingmybob

Cor 500 cops and immigration guys took over range for 2nd day running so I couldn't shoot or talk ####### or drink carfie with the gimmers.

I went to walmart instead and saw the most incredible couple I have ever seen. I mean, I have been on the 'people of walmart' sites but these two were surreal and in another league !
Actually I have to pay RESPECT coz if you are going to be an extreme walmartoid, you might as well go for it and these guys had gone for it. Even if I had had a camera phone I wouldn't have dared coz they were scary !

ps I can't believe the software xxxx's out pssy ! I mean they are a very popular pet. Good job I didnt put prickly hedgehog or it would have been xxxxxly hedgehog

Edited by saywhat, 09 June 2010 - 04:41 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 16:39:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Posted Image


Off to the range to rock my glock

don't not nobody post nuffink while i am away practising to shoot the chinese army (87.4 million soldiers)for aunty samantha like i will swear to do

That's 87,400,000 by the way

http://en.wikipedia....umber_of_troops

Edited by saywhat, 09 June 2010 - 02:45 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 14:45:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

irregardless annoys me....but not as much as "guestimate"


there will now be an indeterminated outage while I find a new avatar as this one looks too greasy so early in the morning

Edited by saywhat, 09 June 2010 - 11:24 AM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 11:24:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Well, that'll be you soon enough, sir. Technically speaking. Good to see you're using VJ as your training ground for your incipient frustrations. :)


Oh no VJ is my friend and so is my chucky and owl etc. I love VJ it's the best and the gentlest and very well behaved.

When I need to release energy I just go to a green site and log on as 'BPShareholder' and see what happens..

It's like that bomb on batman - it says bomb on the side so it must be.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 22:15:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Indeed. This may be a joke only Julez gets, but -- Cream of Celery? Posted Image



That would be very sad. :( Meatloaf is delicious and should not be wasted or withheld without good reason.


The world knows that the Amerkanski men are well under the thumb of the wimmin. One word of backchat and it's wop lop and bobitt time. Help you find it ? - here's a flashlight - go look yourself and don't say I never give you anything.

Hence all the men go on the internet and work out their frustrations abusing spotty students on chat sites - which has saved many a marital shallow grave situation.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 22:05:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

This hurts me. Haven't read all the subsequent responses yet but needed to express this immediately.


I have took

I have came

I have drank

I should of went...all aneurism territory for me.



wow my OH uses all of these

Her mom is from Arkansas

I dare not tell her she is wrong or she will cut off my meatloaf
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 21:52:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

It's from the Welsh part of Boston. :)


Is it legal for the Irish Bostoners to do it with the Welsh Bostoners ?

I know it's illegal still in South Carolina unless it takes place outside city limits and the Irish parent signs to be responsible for the result

Edited by saywhat, 08 June 2010 - 08:58 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 20:57:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

ALAN!!!


They will have your guts for garters for that crack, you know.


Never said anything about their.... oh I see what you mean.
Hopefully they won't find me here and I ain't going back. I am claiming asylum here from the dieters, some of whom might be cannibals for all I know. Hunger plays tricks with the mind.
I used to have a 300lb Secretary (I inherited her) and she lost 60 lbs and her husband sat her down and said he married her when she was big and he didn't like what she had become and please put it back on - she did

So I know first hand that many big lasses are mucho appreciated by their chaps.
I am no big fan of these bandy models who couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel either

I was thinking of taking on Liz Hurley until she got with that Bing chap. Anyway, somebody said she was boring so that put the tin lid on it.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 20:21:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Now I'm listening to Gorky's Zygotic Mynci.Posted Image


I am having mincie moo moo big brown eyes for tea - no that was yesterday - tonight I am on a cabbage and something plus rhubarb pie !

Those posts on the diet thread have made me ravenous. Them big gals sure know how to tickle a chap's taste glands.
Never go back to a skinny bird after you have had your glands tickled by a big lass
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 20:08:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

I love a welsh accent. :luv:



How's ye caaaa?


Had a Welsh GF and her sons said they would kill me in Swansea - they said so.
They called me a SAXON in Abergavenny and they meant it
The Scots hate us since that Braveheart libel
The Irish do too - something about Oliver Cromwell

That's why I am English only and the other bits can go join Texas when it seceeds.
HUM no lets standardise on .. let's see who likes us...er...the POLES !

Witamy w Ameryce
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 19:29:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Oh, and "I could have cared less" :angry:

Do people realise that this actually means they care?


jeez the evidence mounts

'I am innocent, I haven't done nothing wrong'

Let's all just compromise and learn Welsh and have done with it

pobl ydych yn cathrenu 'm' n orffwyllog


and then some...
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 19:15:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!
It wouldn't be so bad if it was just illiterate people - we have mega millions of them in the UK but it doesn't corrupt the standard language (much).

The trouble is that it's the intelligentsia that uses all this junk - people to be looked up to - genuinely clever people - much cleverer than me - and so it is spreading and becoming fixed and validated as American English when it's just wrong English.

Anderson Cooper CNN is a perpetratorial example
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 18:43:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Irregardless.

Seriously, people. :angry:


Actually, I must confess that an accountant working for me in The UK used 'irregardless' and if he hadn't been so big and tough I would have attacked him. So I can't blame American English for that one - unless he had been watching dirty Harry films :star:

also 'as opposed to ' when they mean 'as compared to' gives me slight pulsing forehead veins
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 18:19:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!
Perhaps they were trying for a more perfect Onion ?
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 17:32:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Dude, don't harsh on the Founding Fathers' mellow, especially given the fluidity of spelling in the late 18th century.

Especially don't harsh on that James Madison, he's the dreamiest and the foundiest! :wub:


He is my fav too coz he is in the 100 questions - federalist papers the answer to...

I can remember him easily coz I used to hang out in Madison Wisconsin with all the students - much beer - much duck poop on the water's edge

yes he is ok

However, that Jefferson dude is going to get us all slain with his tree of liberty blood speech. I know he wanted froggies to kill froggies but my local militia don't see it like that and they want to lynch somebody coz of the coca cola tax (1.5 cents)

I suppose I can let em have one word wrong - after all they didn't have google or spell check - but people still use insure every night on telly when they mean ensure. At least it's not a new word so it's more of a malapropism

JUST WHAT ARE YOU INCINERATING YOUNG MAN ! and now - let us glaze our arses to the ####### old dean - oops no that's a spoonerism

Edited by saywhat, 08 June 2010 - 05:23 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 17:22:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Hey Alan.

Last night, I said "BLOWED".

As in, past tense of "blow". As in, should've been "blew". The moment it left my lips, my husband had a seizure, and so did I.

You can shoot me if you like. :unsure:


No 1 on my hit list is :

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility

- it's ENSURE for crying out loud....I doubt that any reputable insurance company would insure domestic tranquility right now - and if it did, imagine the premium

.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 16:57:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!
Actually, American English and Bushisms appear to be merging.

I heard a politician saying he had 'misremembered it wrong' last night.

If Congressmen can do this, what linguistic chimeras will emanate from aisle 13 in Walmart ?

I predict American English will follow and merge with Borneo pidgin English so that by the year 2015, Prince Philip will be referred to as 'Man belong Quinn'
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 10:31:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

We won't BE naked though.


Good

naked is very un-naturalastic

If we had meant to be seen naked we would have been given fur or feathers or ridges of scales (jeez my ex ma in law gets into everything)or born with head to toe camouflage tattoos like flat fish's backs (there she is again)

I reckon that female cloud of gas in star trek had it right - constantly changing and swirling with no embroidery work or credit card required - and able to change into miss world with a single thought

Female clouds of gas are quite unfeminine really, and it was quite a stretch for gene rottenberries to make an episode around one
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 16:19:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Oh no, it's La Perla all the way for me. Posted Image



T'awesome.


how naked chicks should look:

http://funnyfreepics...aked_chicks.jpg
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 16:03:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

This is hot stuff indeed. :mellow: Wow, do you want the chiffon nightie this time or shall I wear it? I also think the idea of a library setting is still pretty scorchio for such frolics. I'll be over in the corner, reading Either/Or and the latest copy of OK! magazine alternately.


Lace please... nothing too skimpy

and no American dustbin lid ceramic armoured bras -- Marks and Spencer cannot be surpassed

This is very tasteful also >>>

http://thebeautybrai...elpinghands.jpg
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 15:45:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Um, you can stop right there. Mr. twowls has just signed on as referee and I'm pre-ripping the seams of my down pillows as we speak for maximum sexxxyfeather asplosions.


Hum mind boggles.

Don't know about owls and silent flight feathers

Once tried it on with a eider duck, but I couldn't get up for down
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 14:17:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Oh, I dumped Julian AGES ago. Really, he was just too demanding and not half as clever as sweet Alan when it comes to whizzbang wordsmithery.

Flame throwers is fine, but I usually challenge my female foes to ticklefests in lingerie. :mellow:



nuff to go around once you discard me quivering, worn out and frazzled - as you have so many others before including watsistrousers...
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 14:10:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Thank you! I have heard most of those phrases so many times here that it actually made me think if its me whose been saying it incorrect all my life.


Heard another 'I thought you had borrowed me that ' yesterday

Natch, I correctified the evilistic perpetratiser - but there was no sign of recissitudinal apologecticness

didn't expectorant it really - she revels in winding me up with her assaulticisms upon the English language
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 13:59:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Intriguing theory. But I think it's pronounced "Muslim Commie Socialist Fascist Kenyan Nazi." Or in red state speak, "Muslin." Aaand we're back to textiles. Maybe your trousers are muslin commies as well, just redistributing your height-wealth for the fun.


That's IT !

Hitlerite pinko nazi communist ** hag wimmin's libbers have infiltrated the vietnamese sweat shop that makes my jeans and has sneakily altered the standard patterns to make Americans believe they are becoming shorter and therefore get depressed and retreat inside their own borders !

It's all so simple and I should have realized before

I will counteract this by restretcherising 24 hours a day upside down on a teeter hangup with adjustable gravity boots and fight back against this anti - American conspiracy:

Here is the patriotic device I will be using

http://www.greendoor...Boots large.jpg
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 13:27:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

It's not easy for thinking Americans either--I've been dizzy for 35 years. It's why I can't wear high heels. Just one more reason to hate Pat Robertson--crimes against my sartorial freedom.


AS a quick aside, when I was in England last week, two people said I was getting shorter.

I have an inside leg of 31" in England and 30" in the U.S. - but now my 30 inch Levis are dragging in the dust like dopey's cloak.

Is there any evidence that Big G has turned up the gravitational pull in the U.S to punish us for electing a Kenyan with ancestral roots in Yorkshire on his mum's side ? My leg shortening could be an unintended consequence of this and I want to complain and ask for a lowering of gravity in Central Washington; but as I can't get down to Crawford just now, I don't know anyone else who could convey the complaint in person.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 12:55:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Oh, come on, now. Feminists don't practice witchcraft. That's a bit OTT. Posted Image


If they could, that lesbian in Bradford could have conjured up a free beer for herself and her buddyesse

.. and me

Sorry to conflaterize lesbianisming and femininitude and I do realizate the diff

Praps their powers are like a battery and can be dississipated - and so she was saving it for any feminista who made a movementing action on her chum - in - chief

Edited by saywhat, 06 June 2010 - 12:45 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 12:44:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!
Clarificationism and enlightenmentality re Pat Robertson

"(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." –Pat Robertson

ps it's not easy for thinking Europeans to emigrate to the U.S and not feel a bit dizzy at first.

Edited by saywhat, 06 June 2010 - 12:12 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 12:09:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Well I am a bit of a bubble-headed "blonde" as well and I've just finally got my shoes organized so I am NOT eager to cross you or your angels, not one bit. [friendly/sheepish/peace-sign emoticon]


As long as you don't come from 'astings, I promise not to ask big G to thunderboltize you ! Just don't stand too close to Pat Roberston as I have one on order for him.
BEV's shoes had overflowed her closet/wardrobe/junk hole and she kept 50 pairs in her car boot/trunk/thing at the back of the car
She was the hottest thing on the planet bar none - so I am not averse to bubble headed blondes on every score.
If anyone wants to meet her, camp out at Marks and Sparks in Royal Tunbridge Wells and when you see a really flat footed bird who walks like a penguin with an orange face and waist length long bleached 'air and all new clothes and scarlet lipstick on her teeth and huge blue eyes - that's BEV. Saab convertible, latest iphone - you get the picture.
She two timed me for 3 months - I got 3 nights, Bob got 3 nights and she had a night out with the girls to tell em about us both.

She didn't mess with the language as she only had about 50 words and 6 phrases - 'get a life', 'sad', 'what are you like' etc
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 11:57:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Hastings is kind of a weird place - the town that time forget, which is kind of strange considering they have a fast train to London


That's why William the ####### Duke of Normandy landed there - fast train to London.

The 'airdresser put bleach on her kitchen floor - the cat sat on it and she had to take it to the vet with a burned batty

A month later she thought it's whiskers looked untidy (hairdresser thing). She trimmed it's whiskers and it kept falling over. Back to the vets. He said "what happened to it's whiskers". She said she had trimmed em. He told her cats need their whiskers to balance.
It got it's revenge by peeing in her expensive pot plant

That's all I know about Hastings really except she used to buy fish and chips - she ate the chips and then took the batter off the fish and gave the fish to the cat

Her name is BEV and the guilty have now been named
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 11:38:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Sorry, my sarcasm didn't read. I was agreeing vigorously and pointing to more cringe-worthy hilarity from dubya, not attacking.


The last person who called me a 'sorry' individual was a bubble headed 'blonde' 'airdresser from Hastings, England. God made her fat on my behalf and made her credit card and shoe cupboard unmanageable too - so I have a guardian. Actually two incl elmo. Anyway, nice to know it wasn't aimed - ta muchly - tranquility reigns.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 11:25:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Gotcha. And indeed, the example you offered is utter nonsense. Please don't reiterate your point.

Oh ow, too late. All I have to say is... www.dubyaspeak.com. They record the damage. I suggest the pages with audio. You won't be sorry. I mean, sorrier than you already are.



hum...first personal attack for a long time

just when I was thinking how nice VJ is compared to other sites

Why the hostile post ?

STOP HATING ON MY NO 1 INTERNET BOYFRIEND KTHXBAI


xxx
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-06 10:53:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!
THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY ON TOPIC AND IS A GOOD EXAMPLE:

"I want to thank the dozens of welfare to work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves."?Washington, D.C., April 18, 2002 (Thanks to George Dupper.)

Edited by saywhat, 05 June 2010 - 08:51 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-05 20:48:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

What?!?!! There are no invented words in dialect?? You mean British English? EXPAND. Sorry for yelling.

No such thing as British English
There is only English and other forms such as American English and pidgin English etc http://www.june29.co...ang/pidgin.html

But Yorkshire Dialect has no new or invented words that I can find - many of their unique words are Scandinavian words that never entered the standard English of the South.

It's quite unintelligible to outsiders including the Southern English - a bit like this :

And so, General, I want to thank you for your service. And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq." --George W. Bush, to Army Gen. Ray Odierno, Washington, D.C., March 3, 2008
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-05 20:32:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!
ps the lug was a cheat as google cant translate it - but I am looking for the ref as I reckon it is 'ear' in modern or old danish or dialect danish - I will report back. Any Danes there to help ?

http://www.viking.no...shire_norse.htm

Edited by saywhat, 05 June 2010 - 07:21 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-05 19:19:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Come on, now. The English language is not all tea and biscuits on the other side of the Atlantic, innit?

:lol:

Posted Image


Whistle atter think on ovver that un. Ilkley moor baht 'at is quite intelligible. Bandy ole bat couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel should be easily understood. Gone to ligger down. Eighteen carats ? No it's toffee. Clatter thine lug oil. Barnaby reyt.

Actually there are no invented words in dialect and they can nearly all be traced back to Danish/Icelandic/Norwegian which is a big a shock to dialect speakers who thought they were using sloppy slang

Google language tools (English to Danish) has 'clap thine lug hole' (smack your ear in Yorkshire dialect) as 'klappe din lug hul'
Try it if you don't believe !

The spawn of the Vikings lives on in a desert in Washington State

Edited by saywhat, 05 June 2010 - 07:13 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-05 19:09:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

My husband hates that us English say "in/to Hospital" (i.e. "I had to go to hospital") because the Americans say "at/in the hospital" (i.e. "I visited her at the hospital").

I do get some enjoyment out of him now speaking British though. So when clients call him, he often corrects them on their English, and uses me to back it up. :D



A missionary ! Wow I wish I could convert someone - just one....

Going to visit my son - not visit with my son...wonderful

and when I get there I will orally communicate with him... or I could just talk to him..

Even this is bordering on 'usage' so isn't all that bad.

ok time to ensatisfy myself with a meal and depacket a biscuit and inbibize a coffee

..then a prohealthic woodsy walk in the canyon so I can oldage myself another few years

Well, it's the Tigers. It ain't the Yankees, who can buy magical protectiony powers that ensure that calls like that are made correctly.


Yo GF !
thought you were in the boozer in Toronto fighting off lustorial exes
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-05 10:36:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Ooo qn. Supper. What is "supper" to you guys?

In Australia supper is a small/light meal after dinner, later in the day. We rarely have it. HERE (in Iowa) supper IS dinner and it drives me nuts when they ask what I would like for supper, or what I'm having for supper.

I keep telling myself I'm in a different country. They're not speaking English, they're speaking American just like French or German or whatever it's different so I try not to freak out. Yeah I know Australia English is not UK English so really I'm speaking Australian but I think we're similar enough (ignoring colloquialisms) in spelling and use that I can share your pain.

Don't even get me started on "ect" instead of "etc"... :S


I think the answer is to call it American and not English. My 6pm big meal is 'tea'

I used to have supper before I went to bed as a kid. I would be 300 pounder if I did it now.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-04 15:04:00
United KingdomHelp my language please !!!

Oh yeah. I live in mortal fear of some unknown blind spot in my own grammar nazi world. I'm sure I'm going to find out I've been spelling necessarily wrong all these years, or something. Keeps me up at night.



'definately' gets me growling but it's only spelling so thats ok

'ok' is American so thank you guys for that coz it's very useful (guy refers to Guy Fawkes of course and is English in origin) as in 'some GUY tried to blow up OUR parliament'.

GUY was a religious fundamentalist terrorist murderer . Sort of a militia man - tree of liberty blah blah. A true patriot in his book. Things don't change much in 400 years. Even the torture when they caught him.

America does have a history - a lot of history - because it's a continuum of English history and I am going to make a note of every old word and new concoction from now on.

ps 'Yonder' is old English and is used in Mississippi at least. I like yonder. You won't hear that much in England outside the old timers in the North.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-04 15:01:00