ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

You do remember what we do to husbands who don't do this, right? We take them outside and shoot them in the face. (See back about eleventy bajillion pages in this thread for the reference.)

Will return without wisecrack and with semi-serious analysis after hugeass fryup I am about to make.


holy ripping jeans seams

hugeass fryups - jeez

Edited by saywhat, 21 June 2010 - 10:03 AM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 10:01:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I approve of this plan. Alan, get cracking on the plumbing, will you?Posted Image


Think we are onto something here. There has to be a market for decadence on that scale in CA

How do the girls get on with each other in a Harem ? I mean I can't imagine being in a man harem coz the other guys would get so sick of me getting all the action and them being spares for when I was busy with the England game.

It just shows that men are wired differently. Instead of working out how to arrange things so that men and women are not irritating each other (jeez what a convoluted way of getting back on topic), why don't men just act like women for a week and then the women act like men for a week ? That way they all get relief from their present resentments some of the time and always have something to look forward to.

Would there be enough room in my gun cupboard for another 3 rifles though ? Would she resent me borrowing her handbag without asking ?

Even 'in role' there is room for contre temps to appear and wreck the day.

I have noticed that a bunch of gals or guys are great for the first hour or two and then all the picky stuff starts and by the time they go home they are all making nasty remarks in the taxi about them that went in the other taxi. That's only if they didn't pull of course.

The evidence is in. People of whatever persuasion are only happy when they are flushed with success either approaching or just achieved, or are united against a common enemy.

The rest of the time they are a bunch of malcontents who are living 2 GINS short of being worth talking to

This dim assessment of humanity simply drives me towards my goal of eating more English bacon sandwiches and swilling more gin rather than living in cave in the tora bora and trying to change the world. Actually that's his problema ! Bacon sandwiches and gin are the two main things he is forbidden to have - no wonder he went doolally and went to live in a cave



From Deolali, pronounced 'doolally' (at least by Tommy Atkins) Originally 'Deolali tap' (tap being malarial fever in this case) Deolali was a major transit camp in British India. The town is, of course, still there.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 19:23:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I had missed this post of yours. Oh dear. How unfortunate.

(*stifles giggles*)



It has to be a spoof !

I mean .... that is the worst since this guy named his daughter 'Aphelia'

http://www.guardian....olitics/edballs



.

Edited by saywhat, 20 June 2010 - 01:23 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 13:23:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

You still haven't addressed why you put a tracking device on my ankle. :angry: I am not an animal; I am your No 1 Internet Girlfriend!


It's not a tracking device it's an... no I can't say that.

It's an AGMD Advanced gin moderating device

When it detects excess levels being approached, it cuts your knicker elastic by vertical laser shot

With those round your ankles you can't get to the bar for more

It's all for your own good as the Patriot Act says.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 12:49:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
I can't believe it !!!!

This guy is called deepa khazi !!!!!!!


Think I am choking to death !!!!!! gurgle !


http://www.linkedin.com/in/deepakhazi
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 12:40:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I have a special VJ spell checker that lets me get around all sorts of things. Posted Image

As long as there are regular taps that dispense water for our ablutions, I'm sure I speak for the owl when I say that the idea of running gin and beer is delightful. But you mentioned nothing of our pin money. :( If we aren't put out to work at t'mill but are instead stuck in the harem/palazzo, how will we dress ourselves?

We are picky because we are not slaves, like your bilberry-bonkers babes. We are here by choice. Don't forget that. ;) Oh wait, what? Why is there a tracking device on my ankle? :unsure:


Pins don't cost much so I reckon I could run to pin money. Actually we are on post with irritating stuff your OH does - just shows that everything has to be negotiated and only lasts as long as the desire for 'X' holds.

Once the great Khazi has put 150 lbs on and gotten into golf and/or fishing, the cosseted inmates of the harem suddenly become an overhead and everything they do becomes an irritation. Especially leaving the GIN tap running.

It follows therefore that the irritating things will CHANGE and be never ending because the angle of view will change with time.

Baldrick - "Please don't fire me sweet master, I have been in your employ since I was 3 years old"

Blackadder : All that time ? No wonder I am so sick of the sight of you.

http://dictionary.re...efinition/khazi

.

Edited by saywhat, 20 June 2010 - 12:33 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 12:32:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

If you promise to put GIN in my suite of apartments and beer in the owl's, we may have a deal here. I thank you in advance for your beneficence in providing us with premium bog roll; is it too much to ask for asses' milk as well for bathing in? Rose petals for sprinkling on sheets? We're also both fond of violets too, and we will need pin money for the little trinkets that keep us happy.Posted Image


Something suspicious here - how come the VJ swear checker let you put asse's milk ? Oh it lets me too - I see - you just add an 'e'

My conversation is littered with animal references like asses and pusssies and it's a bind having to add extra letters.

ok rose petals /violets it is (chinese made plastic ones) but in MY harem, the gin doesn't come in bottles - it's the pink tap in the bathroom !!!! and the beer is in the blue tap

jeez it's true about you American crumpet being so fussy - when I was in the Tora Bora, a toasted bilberry bagel would attract hords of willing female slaves
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 12:18:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I recently was out until 3am and it took me two days to recuperate. And I'm only 37! I'm with Alan on this one -- one day this will be a treasured memory, like when you were still able to sleep on someone's floor and not need to go to the chiropractor after.

And Alan, you're saving that dinero for the palazzo you're setting twowls and me up in, right?Posted Image


If a palazzo is like a harem, count me in ! Always fancied one of those - you get a bathroom each too with deluxe toilet paper - I'm not stingy. The eunuchs can check out their moods and give me some feed back before I stride out in my magnificence and decide which door to tap on

Change your names from the owl and the pusssy cat to - Mondaywednesday and Tuesdaythurday and we are all set !

Friday-Sunday is for GIN and catching up on emails
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 12:04:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Irritating BS my SO does.... partying past 3 A.M on Guitar Hero with a friend of mine and 4 strangers she brought over.... omg, I want some F'ing sleep....


I used to get in from the disco at 5am and then back out to work at 8am

Now I am in bed at 10.10pm and up at 7am and I feel better than i did then

In 1990 I spent £250 a night going out. Night clubs, taxis, champagne, jack daniels, lost keys, locksmiths, hotels etc etc

Now I spend $40 and think it's a lot and I save and save for.... ? I don't know what

We are all on the same moving walkway and travelling at the same speed - so enjoy the 3am stuff while you can coz it sure ain't forever...
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-20 11:42:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

David Seaman and Becks embracing shirtless


Seaman Staines ?
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-15 11:42:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I will, but you'll have to pay to watch.


Well in that case, it has to be getting dark, and you have 1 pint of gas and the hotel will only hold the room til 6pm and the gas station is closing down -- this will ensure the required level of animation for a pay for view.

clue: think Arnie with a hernia trying to lift 500lbs with one hand and saying "no" - that doesn't work as I tried it
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 20:13:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I got called out the other week for being flummoxed by the American for multi-storey car park. Couldn't remember it, didn't want to call it a multi-storey car park, so I said, "Ummmm, it's like a big structure that you park cars in... on different levels..." My friend called me a pompous idiot for forgetting what a parking garage is.


Try doing "I want unleaded gasoline" in Italy

but you are only allowed to use sign language
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 19:41:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Uh huh

I think you were just trying to convince me you are not a friend of Dorothy.


what as in wizzer der voz ?
I have an epileptic router just now - I think it's my ISP
Deutscher pal in Berlin ready to invade Poland again just coz they got 4 goals....

ok Friday pm me calling sports bar : actually a BRITISH bar in Seattle:

ME: coming over to there tomorrow - do you have a car park ?
HER: sorry it didn't get that
ME a car park
HER: Sorry I don't understand
ME: I have a car - a C -A-R - I want to park it - do you have a car park
HER What ?

advice received from her indoors - tell em parking lot

ME: Do you have a parking lot ?
SHE: No
ME: Thank you

I have the crispest elocution and not at all like Mohamed Ali so come on !

Then I got to ebey's landing on Whitby island

ME: I would like a strawberry ice cream and a 'Bardle of wadder' (thinking I can rap this American thing)

SHE: ice cream and a bottle of wine ?

Her indoors actually laughed at this stage - haven't seen her do that since George Bush Senior threw up in Japan
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 15:58:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
jeez net hiccups

Edited by saywhat, 14 June 2010 - 03:17 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 15:16:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Sure you don't.


my hairdresser (Marcus)played with my ears and wanted to convert me

Told him I was otherwise inclined.

He said he had converted 5 chaps that year and 3 of them were married and it was only June.

I wouldn't be so easily swayed - if it was a choice between Marcus and a killer whale, I would paint myself black and white and be swimming up Puget Sound right now. Didn't tell him that. Not while he is standing behind me with a pair of scissors.

Sure you don't.


my hairdresser (Marcus)played with my ears and wanted to convert me

Told him I was otherwise inclined.

He said he had converted 5 chaps that year and 3 of them were married and it was only June.

I wouldn't be so easily swayed - if it was a choice between Marcus and a killer whale, I would paint myself black and white and be swimming up Puget Sound right now. Didn't tell him that. Not while he is standing behind me with a pair of scissors.

Sure you don't.


my hairdresser (Marcus)played with my ears and wanted to convert me

Told him I was otherwise inclined.

He said he had converted 5 chaps that year and 3 of them were married and it was only June.

I wouldn't be so easily swayed - if it was a choice between Marcus and a killer whale, I would paint myself black and white and be swimming up Puget Sound right now. Didn't tell him that. Not while he is standing behind me with a pair of scissors.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 15:10:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

In the other direction, is the fantastically and aptly named Francesco Totti. Hubba hubba.


I like gays - leaves more rampant Totty for us real men ! (blackadder)

As an aside - I have yet to meet a man who objects to being seen as sex object

(not that I ask them )

Edited by saywhat, 14 June 2010 - 02:46 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 14:44:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Nope. Good guesses.Posted Image


Eileen Dover ? no they aren't allowed to play...


Bojan Joki? (jockitch)? Nejc Pe?nik (pecknick) ?? I HAVE NOT MADE THESE UP !

Here is the wiki - scroll down to players

http://en.wikipedia....l_football_team

Edited by saywhat, 14 June 2010 - 02:25 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 14:25:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Oh, I see.Posted Image Yes, you'd know NOTHING about having such an embarrassing last name. :mellow:


Ben Doon ? or Philip McCavity ?
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-14 14:12:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Good news and bad news - yes it gets better after the first tri-mester. Um, but then after the baby is born (or Cletus, if you prefer), you get to go thru this again - just with no cravings.



rather have cletus that an enis >

http://www.babynames...om/meaning/Enis
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-11 13:47:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Alan, Master the character map in windows accessories and you can swear all you like. ;)


hahhahaha ! actually I don't swear but sometimes I get dismayed when I can't take about my pusssy cat sat next to my screen absorbing heat.

Yet another cultural difference to absorb and accept..

Can I say beaver ? Yes I can - that's good coz they are gnawing all the trees down in the park here.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-11 10:22:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Why not? Because Gary is an insipid tw@t with two brain cells fighting over the same thought.


I have discovered that the VJ swear filter can't filter Brit swear words

Isn't that cheering ?

I can say plonker and bollocks but not pusssy and pusssy gets xxxxx out so I can't talk about my pusssy cat

Freedom !
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-11 10:02:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I agree with Valerie!! We shouldn't punish ourselves by trying to withhold... it doesn't work anyways - haven't you ever heard of internet porn? Virtual girls usually have nothing on us, but some do come close. :luv: </end cockiness>


Come on dear you can't possibly know that !

Now some girls do and some girls don't
But then ones I like the best
and sir, you know I'm right
are the one's who say they never do
But they look as though they....

Edited by saywhat, 10 June 2010 - 04:00 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-10 15:59:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

umm, I am not going to pour it back in the bottle if it has been standing out for awhile .. ugh :P

also he usually makes chocolate milk so it would kind of weird to pour that back in the jug ...lol



chocolate milk - yummy

you can tell I am a BP shareholder

ok then pull his ears next time he does it and tell him no more romping if he won't drink up

Ladies over the millenia have found this an effective tactic in dealing with all such problems
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 13:39:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

ok so I figured I would post something to do with the thread topic ..lol

It really irritates me when my husband pours himself a big glass of milk and then only drinks half of it and then it sits there and I end up having to pour it down the drain ... grrrr I swear that every week I probably throw half a jug of milk down the drain ...:angry:


Pour it back in the bottle instead of throwing it away

I assume you are sharing all sorts of body fluids so it should be no problem.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 13:22:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

and we are known for having two of everything. Posted Image


Typical feminist

Don't hit me - it's a joke !

x
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 11:42:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

-- especially when one of my spies tells me that my former No 1 Internet Boyfriend Julian is in here taking a swipe at me?



I didn't know you had a boyfriend before me. I thought you was a virgo !

hum

virgo test for you chaps:

paint it red white and blue - and we she says "OMG I have never seen one like that before !"

You say "FAILED ! - GOTCHA"
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-09 10:50:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Gemma want. :(


Note the micky angelo touch with the mushy peas ... IED's you ain't in the same league
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 16:46:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
Just track testing my new avatar before I return to the dieting thread
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 16:34:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Indeed, preparation is key. This will give me time to review my study materials for the proper way to pin down a foe while arching my back and elongating my neck, plus practice my girlish shrieks and mascara-smears. Then it's all OWL SMASH til you're finally subdued. Sexily.

Had a bird like that once - no not owl feathers.

She was a man smacker and she bust my dose. She said if I ever again said she was not feminine, she would break my leg.

Got an email off her today actually. From years back the two things she can't stand is football and ginger blokes - two years ago she married a ginger football freak who is a GEORDIE ! Gang doon the toon or what !
Eternal vigilance is the cost of not getting with a ginger. I dropped my guard twice on that score.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 16:22:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

You're just jealous of my fab new hairdo, which has been getting the thumbs up on FB.Posted Image

I agree that the sexyfactor is distressingly low, but then again, it was an artist's impression. When we try this again (stupidstupid webcam doesn't want to work with VJ software!) I suggest we have beaucoup bags of feathers, jello in assorted flavours and rose petals drifting down, like snow on a December evening. Also tomes of both philosophical and poetic bent from which to read breathily and huskily.


God it's like another language.

Range was full of Police and Immigration officers (got my GC on me) and SWAT teams trained to fire at oil leaks and nuke riser pipes -so I did a U turn in the middle of a hundred of em

They were all fingering their potencies and glowering at me through their dark glasses - all black uniforms and jack boots and scowls in case I case I was a suicide attacker.

Mr Brown the local bobby they were not but this isn't sleepy old Yorkshire Dales either and their para military stance is probably most appropriate for the citizens they are practising to kill - many of whom are practising to kill them. Who is watering the tree of freedom and who is being a git I couldn't decide.

That means I will have to go tomorrow when it's forecast to be hissing it down again
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 16:17:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

did i ever tell you i used to be a lumberjack in the sahara forest?



oh so we know who to blame now !


I am a coronation mug seller and a weekend school crossing warden, but my main usefullness is as a buyer of BP, Goldman sachs and a Toyota ...

oh dear it's been a bad year and it ain't over yet...
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 14:22:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

You're always welcome here with us, but please leave your weapon at the door. :)

I am taking copious notes on your diet methods, since I need to stay hawt to be your No 1 Internet Girlfriend.



hawt - is that the same as taught ?

as in 'I taught I taw a putty tat' ?

Yes you need to get at fit as a shilling whippet to be my cyber totty

Good news is you can lie and I wouldn't know...

hawt eh ? omg I googled hawt and got this !

Is that sarah palin underneath ?


http://img453.images...amaretten7.jpg/
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 13:53:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
bored with diet thread now... they won't listen and my comments are making em comfort eat

Think I will go and talk to my lawn and then rock my glock up at the range with the vietnam vets. Apparently LBJ was a total Texas ratbag commie pinko ** hag and they could have won easy in another 3 weeks (nuke all of asia)

Actually I find them very pleasant company - not bad chaps at all - or it could be stockholm syndrome as I spin out my remaining years in this desert
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 13:42:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Webcam. :mellow:


OMG I forgot to turn mine off !!!!!!! I was sat here totally unprepared for my public. I hadn't even combed my public hairs or put my elvis gong on.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 10:18:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I used to regularly read the Russia forum until recently - used to be one the more interesting corners of VJ, if you could stomach the odd whiff of sexism from the male members. Now its about 65% dedicated to the glory of Alla, 20% guns and 15% pissing match between middle aged men acting like teenage girls.


morning chucky and how's ya diddling ?

I am middle aged and I intend to move into old age when I catch up with Clint - yes about 80 is the line.
Teenage girls eh ? My Gdaughter is one of them (15) and it's hilarious - she has huge boots and boobs to match and they (the boots) are made of carpet material and they all have em. What I want to know is - how do you know these middle aged men are wearing carpet boots ?
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 10:14:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
I wandered into the Russian forum once and got kalashnikoved. They seem very prickly about people thinking they are taking advantage of the bootiful Ruski ladies by using economic levers. If more American ladies sought Ruski chaps then it would cure those perceptions, but somehow it doesn't seem to work like that. I am not casting nasturtiums, just naming a perception that everyone is acutely aware of and which I didn't invent.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-08 10:10:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I TOLD you that children taste like chicken, si man. :thumbs:


I should write children's books - they love dismemberment/cannibalism/devil worship/magic etc

It gets worse when they get older and start watching CNN
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-07 13:38:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Now I understand everything.


Four bears

and when they came home there was this little girl who had eaten their porridge

So they ripped her head off and ate her
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-07 13:32:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

You old softy.Posted Image


Less of the 'old' you young whippersnapper - have you know my loins are girded up with the genes of my fourbears who are indestructible to at least 95 except when the Germans shoot them...oops don't mention the war

Edited by saywhat, 07 June 2010 - 12:38 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-07 12:35:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Oh Alan, thank you for proving once again why you will always be my No 1 Internet Boyfriend.


http://www.christian.../0e9a110d-1.jpg
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-07 12:17:00