ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Oh dear, that sounded vaguely like you are threatening He Who Must Be Obeyed Etc. Etc. ... are you sure that is a good idea? You might be docked some points for that!


I know - it wasn't the subservience I usually get - she needs to look at Gen McCrhystal and learn by his mistakes...

down to 2 for insubpornication as they say in the submarine service
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-24 11:37:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Have fun -- hope the range is free of those undesirables who make it impossible for you to enjoy yourself. As if that were possible without me acting as your target practice handmaiden, handing you ammo and saying what a... oh never mind.. Posted Image


wow 100 irratating thing free passes for a woman with gin and bacon who hands me my ammo !
...but real trust means wearing cheer leader clobber and holding the target up at 600 yards and smiling convincingly at the same time


as Freddy said-

Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 14:20:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I'd better be.


ok walmart to see those electric cart jockeys and then range time

wearing my shades so i don't go blind
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 14:09:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Oh dear. I don't think Alan will like the sound of this. :(


I got 50 women waiting
But your the apple of my eye
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 14:03:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

No deal. You will have to come up with the appropriate number of cabbages or you will be doomed, DOOMED I say, to wonder what it is exactly BY is saying to you in his invectives against Hispanics. (BTW, it's pretty hot stuff he's saying, Val. He's waiting. :mellow:)


Is he the same with Herspanics as he is with Hispanics ?

It is important to be even handed as an odd number of hands looks really weird

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 13:16:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

He's not a cracker!

I need one of those secret decoder rings too, apparently! Posted Image


Enigma device - is that.....

oh no I know what it is - it's what WE captured from the U Boat before the US came into the war - in the film it was the Americans that captured it. jeez .

http://en.wikipedia....iki/U-571_(film)
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 12:34:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Excellent plan, young Jewel. I collect English husbands; I've been through two already and I'm looking for my third. I just don't understand the appeal of the American male. All that chest-beating and gun-shooting and dear god! the clothing. It's terrible.Posted Image


SKEWS ME !!! gun shooting ? is that a pistol in my pocket or is it a GBP wad that you can hollow out and live in !

I dont do chest beating as I might break my elvis gong (joke)
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 12:16:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

When I met him, he was a Big Strong Man and occasionally he does act that way still. He always will when he feels someone is being unfair to me; for that I am grateful. But he's got serious anxiety issues, a mood disorder AND he's an actor. Bad combo.

Next sucker/husband will not need to be on meds: note to self.


What if he is on GIN meds and gets it free from the State and his allowance is 300% of what he needs ?

aaahhhh that's diff I hear you say ! It's a rare cloud that doesn't have a silver lining

Anyway talk about having a paddy - you want to see a tight fisted Yorkshire accountant when he comes back to his car and it has been clamped unjustly for a 50 quid release fee !

The paddy is in the form of an icy and hugely dangerous and forehead vein popping desire to fit the neck of the parking bandits with said contraption and throw the key into the deepest point of the Marianas trench.

I once went to a garage at Penrith near Shap Fell at 3am for a tyre and he had been called out by another guy 30 mins earlier and had just finished up. He wanted to charge me £150 call out fee too on top of a stiff bill. I told him that if he didn't take his extortion fee back, I would send wife and kids home on the train and drag my caravan round in front of his gates and turn away every customer for the week I had left on my vacation entitlement and tell em all what a git he was. I meant it too.

We stood eyeball to eyeball for over 5 mins then he relented.

You wouldn't like me when I get the red mist and turn green
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 12:13:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
USA just won the footy - deserved to too but jeez they don't make it look easy

Tone Loc - I found him around 1990. 'Got up and Stroll Dover - to the other side of the cantina - axed the guy why are you so fly ?'

'Now all the poodles run to my house for the funky cold medina'

classic, I have the mp3 - Hey I ain't no fuddy - 'I'm cool, I'm no fool'

Wednesday dawns and I am rockin' my Glock and eezying my CZ at the range this lunch.

First I must cool it down to Walmart for some fish oil for my brain. In Yorkshire 'fish oil' is a fish and chip shop - literally 'fish hole'. - but that was an aside.

Is your hubby still alive or did you shallow grave him after he fell into a coma following the mega fry up ? The FBI have very sensitive grease detectors so they will soon find it and you will be going up the river or facing a firing squad if you did it in UTAH

Her indoors accused the ref as being anti-american coz of the off side decision. She says all the world hates us and is against us. The ref was a Belgian PR executive and they are known for having weekend retreats in the tora bora.

She took her uncle sam puppy doll away as she was going to work. I told her it would cause the US to lose so she brought it back into the telly room but said I must put it back in the closet to stop the cats tearing it's head off. Then she went to work

Jeez she even thinks the cats are terrorists and want to attack the uncle sam puppy doll

Ah well US and England go through and it's stopped raining and that is better than Al Qaeda going through to the quarter finals with Ozzy playing center forward and Mullah Omar in goal.

Edited by saywhat, 23 June 2010 - 11:16 AM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-23 11:15:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

No moobs. He's too skinny. He is palepalepale English white.

I like the other bits of the plan though. Are you available tomorrow night? I won't be here and he will be catsitting and vulnerable.


Ah hah - I have been watching all these crime programs - but they always get caught

Anyway it is California and I 'm not sure I want to eat a Californian - that's where Freddy went wrong. As Tone Loc said - 'we've had the eighties and I'm with the ladies'

How's about we fix him up with Tiger Wood's ex - she wants to live in Sweden and they are all skinny there so he will fit in.

Or kidnap him and sell him to rich old Russian woman as a sex slave / garden ornament ?

Or give the cat some LSD so IT eats him ? hum... bigger cat ? Mountain Lion ?

na... too skinny

Back to plan A - fatten him up with fry ups til he pops...then all we have to do is clean the grease off the walls
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 23:10:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Come to think of it, I probably have been trying to fatten him up over the years so he would be less attractive to other women. Clearly it didn't work.Posted Image And now when I find myself easily distracted when speaking to him, it's because I'm not very interested.
We are not so far from our animule friends, indeed. Beating down the animal impulse is daily work, and often unrewarding.



Let's eat him now he is chubbied up - prob solved

I will have the ears and poach a couple of eggs in them

You can have his nose and turn it into a ... what is his ethnicity ? Never mind that's a bad direction.

Choose another bit - has he got man boobs yet ?
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 22:07:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I do agree that one must be conscious of eating into the alcohol calorie budget, and that repeated application of fryup may lead to stroke. However, remember that we ARE separated (I think) and this may be part of my nefarious plot to get out of having to pay spousal support. Spousal support means less money for GIN.

Please to make one of them bird thimgums for my pussycat. I am now in my garden and thinking I could so do with one, esp if long screws are employed. :mellow:


All this is totally on topic because now we are extending into sub-conscious irritating things that domestic combatants do to one another.

I believe that both the sub-conscious and ancient 'instinctive' actions cause at least 50% of human interactions and are beyond our control.

Everyone knows that parking across someone's gateway is likely to have bigger consequences the day after the neighbors dog died than the day before. All that going on underneath is running the show.

Humans are incredibly weird and there is only me who is normal. It's lonely, it's boring, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Try stealing a french fry from someone's plate. The response is all to do with instinct and nothing to do with whether they need that 53rd fry.

I think where we go wrong is to treat humans as rational when they are just another animal when you get right down to it

Watch a UK football crowd and then a gang of chimps preparing to set off on a monkey hunt. The difference between these two scenes is hard to detect

Edited by saywhat, 22 June 2010 - 07:29 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 19:29:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

What can I say. I love to spoil men with food and attention and back rubs. It's kind of a problem, and maybe I am killing him with kindness. When I met him he weighed 135 dripping wet. At his porkiest, I had him up to 157, though now with a year out of the house he's gone back down to 145 and he does ab exercises every evening before dinner in an attempt to stave off his incipient gut. No gin for him but that just leaves room for more bacon.

And if the great Caliph of Central Washington lived a little closer to SoCal he too could experience the majesty of a patented Maven fryup. Tonight I am even making crescent rolls for mopping up grease.Posted Image


Really I think frups are a dreadful incursion into the alcohol calorie budget.

I prefer to drink a full bottle of gin neat and then two huge fryups with cream buns and as many mars bars as I feel like

The result is a net calorie LOSS !

Is a back rub like a stroke ? I have been trying to avoid having a stroke but this sounds like the way to go

I have just been in the garage for a nice long screw - and now the bird table is complete

I have had a gold finch customer already and the cat is in the window sill and quivering with intended violence and it's salivary glands are pumping out more than the BP BOP valve

Edited by saywhat, 22 June 2010 - 06:57 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 18:57:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
Good god another fryup !

It's the walmart electric chair for you gal... with a trailer hanging on it for the badger hounds and gin and bacon

He is getting better treatment than the great Caliph of Central Washington

but wait (Glenn Beck style) - praps she is 'killing him with kindness'

CA man found floating away to Baha California - balloon boy 2 ? Erie similarities.

I didn't want him to starve says woman so I kept frying until he just, well, his belt buckle snapped and then he took off like a balloon !

Air traffic control have been informed and The Yaohnanen tribe have been told it's not a solar eclipse or a sign from Prince Philip

http://en.wikipedia....Philip_Movement
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 18:43:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

God Alan, can you please come down here with one of your guns and shoot my husband? We can hide him in the crawlspace. He just stormed out of my study. We were talking about him taking a job (finally he has a job) and how anything that is not him acting full time means he is a failure. It's just ridiculous. I said he wasn't a failure, and he told me he was, and I raised my voice a little and said "YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!" The he told me to go f^ck myself and he wouldn't have me raise my voice to him and out he went.

So sick of this. :(


Crime scene alert:

Did any wine glasses turn to powder when you raised your voice a little ?

Did any of those hearing aids that let people hear in church just blow up and dash some neighboring gimmers brains against their settee ?

Work ! We great Khazi's regard WORK as a four letter word. Only fools and horses work.

Where it all comes from is a mystery....


Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 18:13:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

See you Thursday in the treehouse of love, Owl! I'm figuring out my dress today. CAN. NOT. WAIT. to play with you and Mr Owl and friends.

Alan, we'll be waiting.Posted Image


gulp !

Where can I buy spinach in Washington State - not hand picked coz I have heard about...

I once tried that powdered rhino horn -

spent all weekend chasing land rovers
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 17:40:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does
Got my first air rifle at 11 and my first 12 bore (gauge)at 13
First firearms license for rifles at 17
.303 lee enfield training at the army ranges at Strensall, York in 1972
National expert marksman badge 1980

So this 2nd amendment stuff is ace for me but nobody else is sensible enough to have one.
I don't want to shoot anyone or anything that is a sentient being (so look out W)- I am exclusively a paper target driller

Some nights I used to just talk to old Charley Chantry who made the tea and biscuits. He had been in the first world war at Passchendaele and told me all about it and observers jumping out of flaming ballon baskets. I used to go home and realise I hadn't fired a shot -just listened for 3 hours. It's a social thing as much as a toys thing.

girls wouldn't understand

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 17:33:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Yes, and the thought of that massive air force sure does keep me healthy, ship shape and in Bristol fashion, eh? :(

Good good. I continue to amass points. I shall keep this game up until it is I who has the upper hand in decoration of my suite of apartments in the harem. I know you want a gun cupboard in there but I would prefer that to be turned into a small library with comfy leather chair, ta muchly. I believe Margo would approve of that.


Only the number 1 trollop of the week gets to pick the drapes. It's rough but that's the way it is.

You are only as good as your last.... bacon sandwich !

I see Bristol has crept back in. Madonna sure does keep herself Bristol fashion but I don't know about ship shape. Never seen a ship that shape.

How's about a rack of books that revolves - with all the guns on a rack on the converse ?

I like to have it both ways and no, I never mentioned Freddy this time.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 16:58:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I bet it's fun. I'm just sad I have to wait until death. :(

Ah, Queen Anne. Poor Queen Anne with her eighty bajillion children who didn't survive and her dropsy and her b!tchy friendship with Sarah Churchill. But she does have a killer statue out in front of St Paul's.


hey not THE Sarah Churchill. Winston's daughter.

My dad used to call her 'drunken Sarah' as she was always being found in some gutter with her knickers round her ankles

http://en.wikipedia....rchill_(actress)

My dad went off to the war in 1939 and got back from Burma in 1946. He and the rest of the troops had had it with Churchill and all the war mongering. Churchill wanted to attack Russia etc etc in 1945 like it was Omdurman again or Gallipoli again or Dublin again.

The troops said enough to all that stuff and voted in a socialist government by a huge majority and that's the only way we got 100% free health care on demand.

Then Japan and Germany got it but the US still hasn't got it. Funny old world.

Got the biggest air force though so hah !

Here's another irritating thing: I showed him a lovely top I am thinking of buying. He told me it looked like something Margo Leadbetter from The Good Life would wear.Posted Image

+3
You are the only American who knows about her - that's what I call true exceptionalism.

Edited by saywhat, 22 June 2010 - 04:46 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 16:46:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

But... but... you told me you were leaving me everything!Posted Image



Do not come into the harem bathrooms and make them middens or you will find that Mondaywednesday and TuesdayThursday have gone walkabout with SundayduringAndyRooney.Posted Image


Of course you will inherit my vast estates in a totally cyberonic way. That's the best way as there is no tax return or probate to do. One day you will die too and then you can come and sit on my right hand. You will like that. It's fun.

When I say midden, I only mean in comparison to my kingdom/closet where limply hangs the English flag (not that oft-comer in 1707 the British union flag), on the ONLY part of the USA that is, and shall remain, the stamping ground of the 2nd nation Americans (the English), who were here before the 3rd Nation Americans known as 'the Americans' for convenience, who hold it at present. The first nation Americans can come in and bang drums and wail coz I like wailing so long as it isn't the Japanese

Compared to andy rooney's bathroom it's probably like the great Khazi's state room

http://en.wikipedia....f_Great_Britain


.

Edited by saywhat, 22 June 2010 - 03:11 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 15:10:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

This week my grandad's estate was settled by a legal company. Can I just say that it's TRULY sad when families feel the need to fall out over inheritance money... luckily our family is still intact, but it's been a year long struggle with my brother, who claims that he is the sole beneficiary (with nothing to prove it) and has fought to take control over the estate. He failed, by the way, and he's having issues with the fact that in the eyes of the law (and I would argue, in the eyes of my grandad), he and I are equal. He has control problems. :unsure:

On topic: I hate when you leave your clothes piled on top of the chair, NEXT to the closet. +1



Hey it's all on topic
I have heard that in Germany, it all goes to the eldest son
Luckily we don't live in Germany right !

My main concern is that nobody gets to read my will BEFORE I pop my clogs

Think I will tell all of em that they are getting the lion's share and wink and swear em to secrecy

That way they will all be nice to me while I am alive and kicking and I can have a chuckle when I am on my way out of this sea of troubles thinking what bother I have caused and no come back on me

These big houses in the USA are good for avoiding conflict - we each have our own walk in closet/gunroom and bathroom too. That way we have a space to to do whatever in and keep the rest tidy

My bathroom is like a midden but my gun room is like an operating surgery / silicon chip development lab

Edited by saywhat, 22 June 2010 - 02:06 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-22 14:04:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Note to self: Alan has sensitive nose; no bacon then in the house.

Another note to self: Alan has staff! Definitely moving into harem as Miss Tuesdaythursdayneedfivedaysoff.


No staff in the harem as current cat bog staff are westernized and are not familiar or retrained to the concept of a harem (yet)

Bacon smells are good unles they have been through a moggy in which case they are bad. Another statement which illustrates how the same thing can be good in one cirumstance and bad in another. Like Mr O's ears - good for holding his sun glasses on, but not so good at night on the battlefield with a full moon behind him.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 18:42:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Wow, can you post pics when you get back?



I adhere strictly to the Bauhaus principle of 'form follows function'
This means that my many devices are not photogenic but work nonetheless

My patent cat bog consists of a tunnel through the utility room wall to a large enclosure in the garage, This enclosure contains two cat bogs with an opening wire netted top hatch for access

Both ends of the cat tunnel are provided with standard cat doors

Because my olfactory lobes are of the sophisticated English design rather than.... it is necessary to have a scent wall between me and my pork chops and the aftermath of a small mammal eating 2 lbs of cat food.

This design was devized, constructed and installed in 110f heat in july 2008 and works perfectly with no trapped moggies and no honking on my part

What the nose doesn't sniff the stomach doesn't hurl over

It's my pride and joy and I have staff to empty the said cat bogs

No animals were permanently disfigured during the making of this tunnel

Edited by saywhat, 21 June 2010 - 06:29 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 18:26:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Sorry Alan. I forgot about the endurance of the Yorkshireman. I'll still get my Friday for drinking gin with Val though, right?Posted Image

Glad to know I now have a point to spend knocking you down somewhere else.Posted Image


yes you are one 'slap down' in credit ! spend it wisely

ok off to the bank - then mow the lawns - and then make a telescopic bird feeder with anti sparrow hawk device and squirrel marmalizer and coyote clouter

Edited by saywhat, 21 June 2010 - 02:26 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 14:26:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Cool, that works with my schedule since I'm Tuesdaythursday. Friday we can spend drinking gin and tending to our other feminine needs.Posted Image


But it's ALL DAY AND NIGHT tuesday / thursday... you will need 5 days to recover your composture and steam iron your eyelashes and tie new knots in your elastic

I am not one of those yankee egg timer chaps you know

heck no - I am a Yorkiedoodledandy ! I'm bloody great me ! Great !

ps you are up a point for the BP post ! positive !

http://www.fwi.co.uk...Loadsamoney.jpg
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 14:04:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Yeah, I think the harem needs to be larger. I mean, more women, not that we should eat too much bacon and...never mind. I would be honoured to join the harem and kill a few pigs. I think I will name them after certain VJ members. Posted Image


At the moment we have mondaywednesday and tuesdaythursday pencilled in. Friday to Sunday is catch up on emails and mow the lawn.

However, I have a slot on Sunday at 7pm pacific while 60 minutes is on telly if that's any good ?

That old guy they have on at the end that looks like clint's saddle bag after being hung in the garage through a damp winter, insulted all aliens really badly last night so he is excombuberated from my church now
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 13:14:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I don't need to hear about you licking hog boners, thank you very much. Posted Image


talking about hog boeners

http://msnbcmedia.ms..._2p.hmedium.jpg
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 13:06:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I still don't understand why they roll it in cornmeal. Posted Image

I am originally from W. Cda, where we do NOT do such time wasting stuff. We just kill the pig, cut the bacon from its back, and fry it. Simple. Direct.


Kill the pig ? When I were a lad we couldn't afford to kill the pig

You were lucky

We had to lick it down to the bone and then wait for the bacon to regrow.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 13:01:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Well, I got a warning recently too so I pulled back a bit. But how can you help it when you see your fellow Anglophone women being dragged through the mud, described as rabid dogs that should be run over by double-decker buses? You fight back at the bully even though you know he will never agree with you. It was absolutely disgusting the way this person described women who weren't of the nationality he prefers and I had had enough. I only hope he got a warning too, though he deserved a suspension for some of the foul things he said,


I was on 'another place' many months ago and I got a 24 hour suspension and I will never go back. I made an initial post and a person just replied 'you are a pri_k'. Nothing else, just that.
Naturally I responded with an 'eye poke' and I got the 24 suspension and that person was not even cautioned. The 3 moderators were posting as individuals but posting really nasty stuff and provoking and ganging up. One minute they were 'just members', but when they provoked and I responded, they suddenly became mods and it was 'gotcha'. That's why I will never go back. VJ is ace and I am not just sucking up coz I don't.

I have an over active fairness gland so I become incensed in these situations. I have more incense than the 3 kings in Bethlehem

The initial evil doer never gets whacked but the retaliating victims do. That's the rules so one can only deploy the full intricacies of the English language in one's defence when defamed so gratuitously.

As in 'If it wasn't for the Parliamentary rules, I would call you a supercilious git'
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 12:57:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

We have a bacon sarnie waiting for you. A peameal bacon sarnie. And the doxies are always welcome.Posted Image


Is a peameal a kind of pig or the way the flesh is sliced off the twitching body ?

If not a pig, it's like non alcoholic beer - or better still a broken pencil - pointless
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 12:44:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I am at the bottom end of Cali, where all the nuts congregate. Gravity, of course. I'm wafting bacon grease and violets your way from here.


I saw what you put before you edited; I believe it is somewhere you threatened to exile me if I were not a well-behaved bacon-frying harem girl, which put the fear of god in me.


I got a peppering from the management for telling an esteemed member to go run up a gum tree after she referred to my post as 'sh?te'. I didn't report hers coz I am not a...
So I am on best behaviour - yellow card

All 'slap em backs' will be non specific from now on to protect the guilty
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 12:40:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

It smells lovely in the domestic violets unit.Posted Image We have bacon and gin and fried mushrooms in here too. Forget about that shooting range and come have a sandwich.


which end of CA are you ? It's 776 miles to sacrophiliac from here..

by the tumblweed hick route

I am SO there. Can I bring my cats? Or are the wiener dogs patrolling?

Why do I always try to spell wiener weiner?


I try and remember it by the second letter - if it's an 'e' then it's 'e'

if it's an 'i' then it's an 'i'

sieg heil as they say in some places that I can't mention

Edited by saywhat, 21 June 2010 - 12:31 PM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 12:29:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Pass. I'd rather put that $1,000 to better use, like purchasing violets and pins.


You are a woman on a mission for hedonistic violets and sarnies and GIN - whereas I am in a low level coma because the police/immigration/prison warders have taken over my shooting range for 2 days to practice killing non white persons. I am house bound and being covered in cat dander because my screen is the warmest place in la casa..

You should be referred to the domestic violets unit immediately
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 12:13:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Quite true. This is why I avoid family gatherings of any size, since they always feature the same stories I have heard since I was in pigtails. None of them get any more interesting or nuanced with age. I s'pose I am still of an age where I am not yet recycling but producing stories, usually ones that can't be told in mixed company.


What you need is the 'saywhat mind wipe'

For only $1,000 I can wipe your data banks so that you can go to family do's for the next 10 years and all the stories will be fresh and crisp

Side effects include:
You won't be able to find your way home to the harem
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 11:57:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Good god, is every story from a Yorkshireman required by law to start this way?


Only when they are old (17+)

This constant search for novelty is bound to end in tears.

Recycling happy philosophical thoughts (constantly and ad nauseam) is a formula for never ending happiness.

Go to any old folks home and they are sat there chuckling and smiling and repeating themselves to the stage where the suicide rate amongst the staff is higher than postal workers

This tells me that repetition of stories and sayings is a fine weapon when used to effect, and has killed more people than exploding oil rigs when you think about it.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 11:47:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Oi!Posted Image I am not as bad as that. I mean I don't care for it, not that I don't do it. I get the hoover out as necessary, do the washing up every day, change the sheets, do the laundry, etc but I don't do it with the lilting melody in my heart that I have when I'm cooking.


Change the sheets before they make cracking noises ? That's a waste of electricity.

When I were a lad we didn't have sheets......we used to jump up and down til we were all sweaty and then roll in bacon grease and newspapers that we had taken out of next door's trash can - then sleep on the floor like that - and that's if we were lucky that day and the bin man hadn't been..

It's environmentally hostile to use the washer all the time. When I get up, my socks are at the side of the bed and stood to attention waiting for me.

Anyway, my mother used to say that only dirty people take baths - it's true isn't it ?
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 11:26:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

I'm happy to be the cook if it means I don't have to clean. I am a bird who hates vac work and housework.


Had one of them - ginger jobby as I recall - I was only with her 14 years so the memory of it is dim. She used to throw the kids shoes in a closet under the stairs. After a year, it was so deep in soil, I took a shovel and bucket into the house and shovelled it clean. She stood and watched. I was working full time and studying professional exams til 2am and she was the housewife full time - peg bundy style

I got used to it at that time so I don't mind a bit of 'mucking out'
Anyway, as my mother used to say 'There are more passers-by than callers-in' so keeping the front door polished is the main thing.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 11:14:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

Morning Alan. It was a hugeass fryup and it was stupendous. Make sure the palazzo/harem has an adequately stocked kitchen so I can prepare such delights for you and the owl.


Morning she of the glutinously well provisioned !

I love fried mushrooms

Do we take turns (at cooking) ? How come the owl gets a free pass ?

I wonder why harems have marble floors ? - what with all them birds there to do the vac work and all...

I know those guys have carpets available - ali baba etc Praps they just use them to go to work on.

http://en.wikipedia....sov_samolet.jpg

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Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 11:01:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

The former master of my husband's lodge is one of the big tattoo dudes in LA -- wonder if you wandered into his place. Oh sigh, darlin'. We have much more to talk about next time, which relates to your comment about smug and gentle complacency. It helps if we've had a lot to drink and have internet access too.Posted Image


Your husband has a lodge ? Is he a beaver ? We have problems with them in our park.

Surely he isn't a left handed bricklayer like prince philip ? Last refuge of the meritoriously disadvantaged in my opinion

When I was a youth and in the Police Force, I passed my Sergeant's exam and then my Inspector's exam (criminal law etc) which is high as they go (and came 4th in the UK I will have you know). A certain hossifer who worked with me, tried every year for several years to pass but couldn't. He joined the lodge and his records were mysteriously amended to show that he had passed - he was then promoted.

I have many more stories of beaver house inhabitants who have nefariously become successful in material ways at least. Crime does pay if you do it right.

I crossed swords with some grand imperial wizard or whatever they call em and decided to ship out and try another career. Glad I did.

The US is a meritocracy I am told, so I would be surprised if that sort of thing happens here. Perhaps the chief engineer who designed the blow out valve was one.
Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 10:19:00
United KingdomIrritating BS your SO does

You do remember what we do to husbands who don't do this, right? We take them outside and shoot them in the face. (See back about eleventy bajillion pages in this thread for the reference.)

Will return without wisecrack and with semi-serious analysis after hugeass fryup I am about to make.


holy ripping jeans seams

hugeass fryups - jeez

Edited by saywhat, 21 June 2010 - 10:03 AM.

Captain OatesMaleEngland2010-06-21 10:01:00