biggish data

Have some Yorkshire pudding for me, Alan. And come back with some more tales of your misspent youth and middle age.

Sigh. Alan is TOTALLY my not-so-secret VJ crush.

can't believe you said that - most people find me extremely tedious and annoying and full of it !

There is hope for us all...

Actually that is so on topic ! My conclusion is that we get use to other half's little peculiarities so we hardly notice em - that plus Stockholm syndrome allows us to carry on

http://en.wikipedia....ckholm_syndrome

Of course when the FBI ATF CIA and secret service raid our homes and arrest our spouses for what we have come to regard as normal, re-evaluation is needed.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-21 12:06:00

Of all your examples, this is perhaps the most disturbing.

I learned from my first marriage that a woman should not depend on a man for her keep. Going from a rah-rah-pass-the-champers-Bunty lifestyle with my ex to being on my own financially was a big wake-up call. I can take care of myself now and wish I'd not spent so many years taking exactly the sort of low-pay/high-ish cachet jobs I could afford to take with my ex minting it in the City (synthetic derivatives were and still are his bread and butter -- I've told him it's his fecking fault the world is in this mess now!) -- PA for a TV company (we brought you Changing Rooms, Big Brother and Can't Cook Won't Cook -- please send hate mail to them, not me), manager of a secondhand bookshop in South Ken. Somewhere along the way I realised my heart wasn't in the not making money business and went back to law school to start learning how to be a happy capitalist pig. It suits me MUCH better. By the time El Posho told me it was over, I had a couple of years of City experience under my belt, but I was unable to keep myself in the manner to which I had become accustomed. Had I just started with the moneymaking earlier, I would have been in better stead.

All of which is a roundabout way of saying ladies, take care of yourselves.

Absolutely ! that's a brill tale well done... The worst trap is getting into something you can only do when you are young - my son's pal is a deep sea diver in abu dabi and he is 42 and his nut is all over the place from high pressure gases in his brain etc. What's he going to do now ? Yes the ladies who rely on men are on a sticky wicket as their odometer clicks up. I was single 18 years in between and I could jam the VJ web site with my tales of ladies I met who had who relied on men 100% for mansions, horses etc. They then joined an introduction agency and paid £600 (back then !) on their credit cards to try and hook a new mug. One of them had been a flashy blond receptionist at an exclusive Manchester night club when she met her hubby. They married and were together 18 years - then he dumped her and went back to the SAME club and got the new receptionist 20 years younger ! Turns out his farm and horses and cars etc etc were all 100% mortgaged - there were no assets. I heard a story like that every week while I was doing those dates. One woman had adopted 5 children and then hubby cleared off and left her to it.
They were all in big financial trouble but paying $2k equiv to try and find a white knight.

The 7 P's are so important http://en.wikipedia....(military_adage)

Checking into the Seattle amsterdam Leeds flight in only 5 hours ! yippee !!! f&c and yorkshire pud to excess

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-21 10:03:00

But perhaps a big expense, no?

Often , yes

When I lost my job in 1995, I was going out with a hairdresser and she was throwing back expensive cocktails at every opportunity. I explained that I had been living on my savings for 8 months and could we have a beer instead - she said:
'If you can't afford a girlfriend, you shouldn't have one'
Then she ditched me for a guy who had a nice job and a nice company car.

2 months later I got a job as business planner for a hotel group and her new boyfriend got fired ! (No I wasn't his new boss)

A side of effect of intelligent ones is that they often earn a lot more too and can afford their own booze and air tickets - I forgot that advantage. My son manages to get birds that buy his beer ! I haven't graduated to that level of gigoloism yet and I could always afford my own - I wonder what it's like ? I will never know.

I hope these young fellah-me-lads are reading and internalising these tales of woe - if I knew then what I know now eh ? Blond hairdressers in sports cars - aaaaggghhh ! Scars on wrists - aaaaaaaargh ! 5 kids all different dads ? - aaarrgghhhh 5 great danes who lick her ice cream with her in turns? jeez

Aren't we VJers lucky

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 21:30:00

I understand the lingo most times

YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS !

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 16:17:00

I do hope you will make a few exceptions for us pleb colonials, Alan.

Well I have been studying your people VERY closely as you would expect for 3 years now and less intensely for 20 years before that.

I have concluded that the yankee gringos have a very extreme range. The finest and the worst are here. The dumbest and the brightest. The greediest and the most philanthropic. Every extreme of human nature and behaviour is magnified times 10 in the USA. The politician's sex scandles are superb. Even the weather is extreme - I go from minus 40 in Wisconsin to plus 117 here. It's exhausting just watching it without having to work and be part of it.

I have it all figured now and I have found my feet - for every god nut quivering with the spirit on my doorstep and speaking in tongues, there is a sensible person with balance who is open minded. For every car full of kids with hoods and machine guns, there is a very generous helpful neighbour (oops neighbor)

I am in a very Republican area and my buddies want to lynch everyone from outside (except me coz I am white)- but apart from their politics they are great and they are my buddies. Took some getting used to but it's all right now - in fact its a gas..

So now when I have a bad experience, I don't blame it on them thar pesky yanks and tar em all with the same brush and want to go home - coz I know it's just one person and I will have a totally different experience tomorrow.

Getting back to the thread - I suppose our spouses are like foreign countries (NOT saying they are a big expanse !) - but you know what I mean - it takes time and then eventually you don't notice their little idiotsyncracies and the living is a lot easier

Edited by saywhat, 20 May 2010 - 04:10 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 16:07:00

You're lucky he took after you.

Ta muchly...

I didn't go to proper school til I was 26 - I was really intelligent for about 10 years and then my brains turned to soggy yorkshire pudding. My present (oops final) wife is the clever one now and I am struggling with my short term memory while my childhood memories become vivid. I can remember every bush and wall and power line like I am looking at it in real time.
Hum I wonder if my spouse thinks I am clever or stoopid and I wonder what she is 'putting up with'
Actually I love playing with words and it could be an English thing. Like Berny Madoff is a great name for a guy who absconds with the money. My wife thinks I am infantile for laughing at that and looks sneeringly at me.

'Four candles' - 'No 'andles for forks' - all that stuff - leaves her cold - I don't think Los Americanos are word players like the Brits (well the English anyway)

Boot on the other foot nowadays

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 15:36:00

Yes, that is a very wise move on your part.

Hey I am learning to button it except when I am in private on VJ..

Example: I was going out with a really nice one - I mean a lovely person and very pretty.

We were rowing along the Bude canal in Cornwall and I was heaving on the whores - oops I mean oars - she was sitting pretty in the stern like she should have a parasol.. A duckess came past with 12 little duckolitos in tow.

My GF said 'So do ducks come from...er...err... eggs ?'

That was it and it was instant. Being a gentleman, I didn't finish it til we got home but jeez ! Actually it was the last one of a series of these. She is getting married soon and he is a lucky chap if he is immune to that level of 'where does the sun go every night'. Oh she also said 'look at that plane taking off'. I said 'lemme give you a tip - when the nose is lower than the tail, it's landing'

See I know where the sun goes every night, but because I disparage those who don't, I am not nice. Actually I am a bit nice - just a tiny bit - and I used to pop round at 2am for years and stick 300 quid through her door coz she had 2 kids to bring up. So I must be a bit nice. Conscience money ? Praps a tiny bit but I didnt need to.

She still doesn't know it was me and her son is at Oxford now...

ps don't tell anyone...

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 15:20:00

Alan, I hardly know what to say except you have done what few men can do: render me (temporarily) speechless. I assume I fall into your Category B, but I am only hard work to those for whom even a modicum of effort is too much.

hahah ! I knew I would break a record at something one day

I know women think something similar - as in 'Oh I'm bored, I feel a ####### coming on'

Some of my friends have come clean with me - usually after 3 pints of Timmy Taylor at the coach and horses in Harrogate.

They manage to bottle it up for 30 years and then it all comes out...

Although it's a jokey thread and we are just messing about, there is an element of truth to it. I prefer intelligent but there is a price to pay let no man assume otherwise. I used to have 30 women working for me and the intelligent ones were only nice when they felt like it - but most of the dumb but nice were permanently nice. I tried a couple of the nice ones (not work) but I got frustrated when they didn't know what I was on about. It was relaxing though.

I got a bust nose off one of the intelligent ones but she was my best mate ever and we went all over the world

until of course I got it both ways (quick bottom covering exercise just in case)

Edited by saywhat, 20 May 2010 - 03:00 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 14:58:00

When poverty comes in the door, love flies out of the window...

Women come in two categories:

A dumb but nice

B Intelligent but bloody hard work

In fact horse are the same - nice gentle cart horses and biting kicking race horses

Small rabbit breeds are nasty and bite but big ones are nice and docile

Corgis and labradors

It's a pattern that repeats throughout nature

Now then chaps - do you want a dumb one or a minx - which unacceptable trait do you prefer ?

Oh you want it both ways ? - and you have got it and you are so lucky ?

Hey, she isn't listening and you are talking to me now...

Life is a tedious trail and full of unacceptable choices - and then you die

Edited by saywhat, 20 May 2010 - 02:39 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 14:38:00

When povery comes in the door, love flies out of the window...

Women come in two categories:

A

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-05-20 14:31:00

Yeah, I'm not big on the food in the US either. Too much corn syrup, sugar, and fat. I miss fresh fruit that can be shipped from Europe quickly, so I'm not told things are "out of season".

The Americans are great for coffee though. Yummy.

Please elaborate.

Well I have spent a lot of time in Wales and Scotland - yes and N Ireland too.

In Wales and Scotland I took some serious abuse but now I have realised that these are a minority of nutty nationalists like they have in the US and I saw the Scottish George Galloway on Youtube and I was so proud of him that I decided to be British. I wouldn't go so far as becoming Scottish but yeah the Welsh at Rourke's drift against the Zulus etc

yes I am British again

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-08-06 18:53:00

I find being the 'snotty aloof Brit' works in my favour, actually.

Not with my yanky wife it doesn't ! I get a bunch of fives up my bracket.

Especially when I go "What ! the car drug him down the road ! - what kind of pidgin English is that !"

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-08-06 14:56:00

I don't know how 'homesick' I'll be, but you and I disagree on this major point, mate. Every time I'm abroad, it's the food that makes me miss England the most. I've yet to find a place that can cook up a proper English breakfast, or any English fare for that matter, but L.A. is a big city so I am hopeful.

When I go back to England, I go in Morrison's and I see egg custards and cheshire cheese and pork pies and bacon made from meat not fat ! I see currant teacakes and cockles and mussels for 99 pence ! and fish for NOTHING compared to US prices. Icelandic haddock, not funny coloured pond goldfish... and on and on... they don't even sell whole chickens in this town.

I try and stick with porridge and shredded wheat and chicken breast rather than American food which is calorie central. I live a mile from a Walmart so maintaining my sylph like European shape is very important as the proof of the alternative is plain to see.

One tip to the arriver - you will notice that Americans are VERY polite and of course GUSHING. If you don't gush back you are a snotty aloof Brit and not polite - so be warned and lay it on thick. It makes me queesy to do it but it pays. When in Rome, sell your culture short.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-08-06 14:47:00

Ahem, when did Karahi Gosht become English food?

Chicken tikka masala is the most popular dish in England - and has been for many years

Patel is the 3rd most common surname in the London phone book.

The Americans who live in the sticks have no idea what they are missing

Edited by saywhat, 06 August 2010 - 02:33 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-08-06 14:33:00

Been here full time almost 3 years now

Lived in Wisconsin, Florida and now Washington State

This place has a really nice climate - 300 days blue skies and 8 inches rain pa

15% humidity so it feels really nice at 90 degrees. I used to almost pass out at 70 degrees in England as I can't take humidity

No tornados, no hurricanes and well back from the coast so no earthquakes so far.

The homesickness comes in bouts and can re-appear at any time. Many 'returners' forums have people who have been abroad for 10 years or more

The big test is your first BIG argument with your spouse or being fired etc. It's natural then to want to run for the familiar. The next morning, the sun is shining and it's ok again.

American food loses it's novelty and becomes dire

I go back to the UK every 3 months as I am retired. That kills the home sickness and I can get some decent English food (Karahi Gosht)

Religion is not my cup of tea so it's a problem for me - but you are a christian so you have really struck gold here and it will be superb to be away from the likes of me

Welcome and take it slowly and you will be fine. Don't get to thinking it's too good or you will have a correction at some stage.

I try and take the good from both countries and avoid the bad. It's greedy to have the best from two continents but it's the way to go

I used to think I was English but now, with the perspective from here, I realise I am British.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-08-06 14:17:00

UK vs England

Honestly, I chose the English flag for purely aesthetic reasons. I like its elegant simplicity.

Weird, I like the Union flag coz foreigners don't know which is the right way up !
It's like rhyming slang - you can teach it for a week and they still can't figure how it works
I belong to that small band who knows that when I say I have stiff 'gregory', it isn't rude.
60 million people with a secret language - impressive

Captain Oates

Male

England

2012-06-14 17:42:00

UK vs England

When the Americans ask me, I say "Yorkshire"
It's worth it to see their mental wheels spin. Most of them think that is somewhere near Georgia in the Caucasus
To help with geography and add to the fun, I always help by saying "Our last King was Eric Bloodaxe"
It's quite ironic that a nation capable of landing a cruise missile on someone 7,000 miles away to an accuracy of 2 inches, doesn't know where Yorkshire is.

The population of Yorkshire is greater than that of Ireland or Scotland or Wales - yet most people couldn't place it in the correct hemisphere.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2012-06-14 12:52:00

Marriage in Scotland?

This may be in the wrong place, but does anyone know the correct procedure to marry a US citizen in scotland? Do we need to give notice in england before we go up to scotland to get married? I booked the appointment to give notice in Hull and the Registrar in Scotland. The registrar then sent me the m10 forms via email, asking for them at least 15 days before the wedding. Do i still need the appointment in Hull? Obviously because my fiancee is American we will need a Nominated office to deal with non EU citizens.

Thanks!

There is the "law of England and Wales" and the "law of Scotland". Very different law and jurisdictions

There is no such thing as UK law (equivalent to the Federal code in the USA)

Call the Scots and see what they require... use a sub-title phone (joke)

Seriously, Hull and Scotland are more different than Alaska and Florida - so do it all in one place.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2012-06-14 15:47:00

Yes!! It's another shipping thread

Thats awful and you have my sympathy - i used to take my desktop pc and screen in my hold luggage on the plane - poor mans laptop !

You dont realise how much you need a computer til you dont have one...

I have found an ace company for internal US moves - united van lines - absolutely wonderful --but I have no experience on international shipping

Edited by saywhat, 02 September 2008 - 06:27 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2008-09-02 18:26:00

Yes!! It's another shipping thread

Seven seas does look good - a good clear website is a new thing to me !

I only brought 4 suitcases in 2 trips and threw everything except photos

I worked on starting a new life with new stuff - it's amazing all that keeping stuff that I didn't need to do

Stuff in the US is dirt cheap anyway (It's embarrassingly cheap ) so now I have all new

I am working on returning for a week every 4 months as my sis/mother are 'in care' and I will just take 1.5 empty suitcases each time and bring the photos back slowly..

Wish I had digitized them and thrown them away ! Think I will digitize them when i get here so my mrs doesn't see em !

£125 for a tea chest door to door is good and struggling with extra suitcases in airports is awful - and renting a bigger car to get boxes in (and hoping they fit) just adds to the trauma

Captain Oates

Male

England

2008-08-13 19:48:00

Okay, that made me giggle immoderately.

It's especially for knitters

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 17:34:00

Glad to know my thinking is in line with yours, sweet Alan. Pie and port and cheese and crackers sounds infinitely delightful. I am VERY much looking forward to moving to that there harem.

And the concept of a vomitarium is truly the mark of a sophisticated society. The Romans invented underfloor heating and of course had their own vomitaria; it is merely accepting the reality of a Munich beer hall to provide a specialised receptacle for the inevitable result of being deep in one's cups. Although I am a little disturbed to see you praising German culture this way. I suppose given the result of Sunday's game you feel understandably let down by an England that would produce that team; keep in mind though the pork pies and bacon and tea and port and fish and chips and mushy peas, oh mushy peas, and Landlord, pints and pints of Landlord.

Ta for the top tip on Tenerife -- I shall leave the Mustang parked in Burbank.

Well of Course Germans aren't really Germans as they were separate kindoms not so long since. I have a pal in Berlin where even the women are 6 foot 8" and ride pedal cycles and are very sensible

Then there are the Bavarians who are a foot shorter and are dark haired unserious crazies and more to my liking.

There was an incident in the first world war where the Bavarians raised a banner over their trench - it read: "Don't shoot now, the Prussians are taking over here tomorrow"

The Prussians raised a banner which said "Gott mit uns" (god with us)

The English raised a banner which said "We have got mittens too"

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 16:59:00

*SWOON*

Yes, yes! This all sounds dreamy, a real gourmand's delight, a true compendium of comestibles. (Though I'll skip the pigs feet, ta muchly.) Must I leave the wild and woolly climes of SoCal for this menu? Or shall I find it all waiting for me in the palazzo/harem upon my arrival in the Caliphate of the Cascades? At least I know I shan't go hungry if that's the case -- even if I must share you with the Owl and Val (Sundays only during Andy Rooney), I will take solace in the delights of the kitchen on my off days.

By gum lass tha's got it right on the button there.

and after all that there is rhubarb pie and ruby port with cheese and crackers.

Munich is SO sophisticated. I went in the gents toilet there and they have a VOMITARIUM. I asked my pal who lived there and he confirmed it's a VOMITARIUM. It's like a sink with huge stainless steel vertical gripping bars on each side. You hang on to the bars and do a hughey - then you come back into the beer hall and the waitress (Heidi) gives you a plate of radish to refresh your palate before you sink another 5 litres of Helles. I mean if that isn't the pinnacle and the marker of a truly civilized culture ? When will the US ever catch up with that ? Never mind the moon landings which were of limited relevance to real people.

In Tenerife, they think parked up convertibles are for that purpose so rent a hard top there.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 16:34:00

But more importantly what are you feeding ME?

Well as your palate has been exposed to fine English delicacies, there is no going back to western cali bush tucker

The best steaks in the world are in Paris - actually just outside Paris where there are no tourists

The best Icelandic haddock with Yorkshire batter (forget all the beer and bilberries and honey and junk they use in the US), is in North West, West Yorkshire.

The best curries are in Bradistan (google it)

Best pork pies are at Wiegman's Otley, Otley

If you want boiled pigs feet with your sauerkraut then my stamping ground is Schwabing, Munich - top place and they know me there. Actually I only drink in Munich as the grub is dire to the extreme apart from the wurst which is the best.

That should keep you from ending up with Anna Recksia

ps why doesn't the US do plain food, they always tip everything into it like it's a plus

All the cheese and stuff on the food and berries and honey they put in the beer. I can't taste the food or the beer - just all this additional junk

Edited by saywhat, 29 June 2010 - 04:19 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 16:16:00

It's tragic, yes. An eggplant doesn't have the same cachet as an aubergine.

I have eaten Alsation in an alsation restaurant in Paris - I nearly refused to go there

http://www.copyright...gs/alsatian.jpg

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 14:48:00

I thought zucchinis were found in zoos but it's a courgette so that's all right...

Them and Swedes (rudabakers)

Very hard buying food here as you never know what they are, as they change the names to keep the ex colonial masters (2nd nation Americans), starving.

Edited by saywhat, 29 June 2010 - 02:30 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 14:29:00

Indeed. There's a sale on at Marshalls this week of Yorkshire Tea -- picking some up for the Owl too.

don't forget the ginger biscuits - dipping for the use of.

Tea is poisonous to owls without ginger biscuit antidote

Bet she could slaughter a toasted currant teacake. A custard. A decent curry (Kahari gosht as prepared in a wok by the tribesmen of the khyber). Chicken masala and two chapatti. Finny Haddock. Pork pie and mushy peas with mint sauce. Roast beef and yorkshire pud from the carvery with a pint or three of Landlord.

Excuse me while I go for some aspirin

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 12:37:00

Bollocks. This isn't working.

thats pornafoodagraphic !

http://i172.photobuc.../photo4-3-1.jpg

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 12:27:00

Well, I do happen to have those condiments in my fridge right now. There's also a packet of Wine Gums in my cupboard and 18 tins of Heinz Baked Beans in the larder.

aaaaarggghh I can't stand it !

what next - bertie Bassett's liquorice allsorts - pontefract cakes ?? Cheshire cheese ? Timothy Taylor's Golden Best ?

TEA has to be >>>

http://www.amazon.co...s/dp/B000F41ZFK

The way to a man's heart is up his trouser leg - something like that

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 12:18:00

What? WHAT? I SAID it was an oxymoron. Any perceived sarcasm is a supposition on your side.

oxymorans !!

Attached Files

morans.jpg 60.08KB 3 downloads

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 12:13:00

I was speaking only hypothetically. I too find the concept of male incompetence almost mind-boggling and mythical. If I have offended, I can offer a bacon sandwich by way of a peace offering. Or a kettle. Or a proper duvet.

Speak and ye shall receive, O Great One.

Grovelling is excellent !

You are reinstated to 3.5 including ref to duvets - that mystical invention of English Exceptionalism (shame about the French name).
You are definitely on the right lines in your life - kettle - duvet - English bacon.
If you say you have HP sauce and branston pickle, I would cast aside all my sexist attitudes forever (as long as it was true)

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 12:10:00

And I assume their success (or lack thereof) has more to do with female interference than male incompetence or failing to apply oneself to the task at hand?

-1.5= 2

'Male incompetence', 'flat earth', 'intelligent design', 'eating ancestors brains to become more intelligent', 'winning the hearts and minds of the Afghan people', 'virgin births', 'change you can believe in' are concepts that I find impossible to envisage (envision)

Unlike 'fish and chips 5 times a week'

Edited by saywhat, 29 June 2010 - 12:01 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 12:01:00

I see you've been studying the male/female playbook then, Alan.

These are men's options.

A Join the army and live for 6 months in a sheep hut up a mountain in Afghanistan
B be like Freddy
C be a priest (see B)
D Become a geek and live with your mother
E become a eunuch at my harem
F Understand the dynamics and play it to win
G Become Bill Clinton and go watch footy in South Africa with some township action after

Note: Much resilience and time out with the boys is required to make F work. Most proponents are only partially successful.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 11:47:00

A: What's wrong ?

If you don't know, I'm not telling you.

B: What kind of car are you going to buy ?

Definitely a red one

C: Oh jeez it's been sick on me

oh diddums, he is so cute when he does that

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-29 11:28:00

Hmmm. I know I must accept what you say given your status as Caliph, but it grates. A little. I will admit I am worse than he is at fixing cars. That's just about it. Oh, and reaching stuff on high shelves.

I do like your story of your parents though.

She tormented him for 60 years+

She would wait until he was engrossed watching an important football match then she would say: "I never noticed the shape of your nose before"

He would say "shut up"

She would say "You didnt say shut up when you came to talk to me in 1931 at that cricket match - oh no you were making out how nice you were. If you had told me to shut up then I wouldn't have had anything to do with you "
She would keep this up until he was bouncing up and down shouting at her and calling her insane while she just drank sherry and laughed.

They fought like cat and dog for 60 years. Takes all kinds I suppose. When she went to hospital for a week or two, he said "Oh it's lovely to have a break from her"

3 days later he was sat with his head in his hands saying he wanted her to come home and he missed her so much.

The long winter nights must have just flown by

I remember being under a car and I sent my GF of the time for a spare. She went into a garage spares dept and said " My BF has sent me here for a screw"

They said, "Yeah come on round the counter love" and they started laughing

She came back with the screw but she was really angry and it was all my fault

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-28 19:20:00

Is he OCD? I get that way with my SO sometimes. Especially when I'm mad that the house is a mess and he hasn't done anything the whole time I've been at work.

Working with birds is excruciating ! There is no communication methods that will suffice.

My dad was coming back with my mum from Morecambe on their pedal cycles - 60 miles each way.

The main road went round a sharp bend to the right but a cart track went off to left which was 'straight on' I suppose. She was in front and shouted "Which way". He shouted "straight on". She went off up the cart track and got stuck in the cow muck while he flew gracefully round the right hand bend in the main road.

BUT

The killer was that as he went round, he LAUGHED

She was stuck up a cart track in the poo and he LAUGHED

This happened when they were 19 and she still went red with rage when it was mentioned - even when they were 81. They actually had a stick fight in their wheel chairs in hospital when they were 81 and it was as sore with her as when she was 19.

Communications simply cannot work as the wiring is totally different.

45% of women do not know their left from right for a start so any collaborative effort involving map reading (such as sailing close to Iranian waters) is bound to end in domestic violence.

The driving examiner in Wisconsin said she had never seen anyone parallel park like me and it was wonderful. The fact that I was a bloke and I had experience of parking in Paris accounted for that.

I would be distraught if anyone detected even a slight hint of sexism in this - it's just a wiring description of a telly which is different to a vacuum

Now to mollify members of the 'gentle' sex, I usually and immediately acknowledge that women are better than men at lots of things - but it doesn't seem to work. They want to believe they are either equal or better but never worse. Men by contrast, admit that they are worse at some things - diapers, cat litter, washing up, being frightened of insects, remembering mother in law's birthday etc.

Edited by saywhat, 28 June 2010 - 07:05 PM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-28 19:04:00

Careful with your response to that. Respond incorrectly and you might be subjected to a 5150 hold

What page is a 5150 hold.. is it like the flying scissors ?

Health care here means I treat my body like a temple so it's only the missionary position :

Here is an illustration:

http://www.cartoonst...es/nbe0225l.jpg

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-24 18:34:00

Well, it's a good thing I was up like 16 or whatever when I said that in a moment of madness. I was watching Tyra and feeling all "You go, girl!" so I believe I might be excused this time. Right?

Right?

Hum claiming insanity eh ? ok test time.

Are you now or have you ever been a fan of Glen Beck and then said to anyone "I was watching Glen and he said....."

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-24 17:57:00

There's a lot of seamen there...

but do they have any cabin boys ? actually they have cabin gals now so problem solved as warren beatty used to say (Freddy is having a day off)

Actually they thought problem solved til they realised they are the kind of gals that can read maps (wink wink). The sub gals have the maps even when they are close to Iranian border waters so it's absolutely don't ask.

Edited by saywhat, 24 June 2010 - 11:55 AM.

Captain Oates

Male

England

2010-06-24 11:55:00