Forum	Title	Content	Member	Sex	Country	Date/Time
Middle East and North Africa	MENA in NOLA area	Hi everyone, My fiance is from Tangier, Morocco and will be in the US probably sometime around August or September. Are there any Moroccans or Muslims out there in the NOLA area? I live across the lake from New Orleans, but commute everyday to NOLA. I would love for him to be able to network here and get to know people!	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-05-23 11:49:00
Middle East and North Africa	not fasting.... :(	No matter what anyone says, it's all about your intentions and what's in your heart. I did Ramadan before becoming a Muslim with my fiance several years ago and I know what you are going through. I honestly feel that anyone who has ever fasted for whatever reason would understand what you are feeling. If anyone is criticizing you or belittling you for feeling how you feel, they probably have never been in your situation. If they say ugly things to you, ignore it because they dont know what they're talking about because theyve never actually fasted. Well it's iftar in a few minutes here. Stay strong and take care of yourself. If you are sick, pregnant, breastfeeding, menstruating, travelling, etc. you are excused. Once again, it's what's in your heart that matters.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 19:31:00
Middle East and North Africa	Possible MENA issue at the consulate?	Hmmmm, so there's a Spanish girl here on VJ that I've been chatting with. She had her medical the same time as my fiance and said hey to him. She also had her interview the same day as him. She lives on an island off the coast of Spain (mail takes longer to get there) and she just PMed me back saying her visa arrived three days ago. She won't be coming to the US till October. Today was supposed to be the day we got married. The irony of it all.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-20 17:01:00
Middle East and North Africa	Possible MENA issue at the consulate?	Update: We are officially in AP.... this could be a good thing...	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-16 18:36:00
Middle East and North Africa	Possible MENA issue at the consulate?	Thanks to all who have answered. I appreciate the words of support and advice. I do have another question/ concern about the interview. Both my fiance and I were asked what my family thinks about the relationship. This has been an issue from almost day one- not too hard to figure out... my family is Christian, we live in the "Bible Belt" and in the south where, to many people skin color, how much money you have, and how many karats you can afford matters. My family is not particularly thrilled and would much rather I be engaged to a doctor's son with freckles and blond hair and a church membership. However, my fiance and I agreed that we would not make this public information in our lives (yes, I know I'm sharing this over the internet, but it's for a reason) because it is a " verguenza" (a shame, humiliation). We both had the same answer at the interview because we had talked about this earlier, but we are a little bit concerned that the consulate may contact my parents to verify the facts (since they have their phone # from the G-325A form). My family may just be crazy enough to say something outrageous to the embassy which may give us more grief. How likely would it be that the embassy calls my family? Even if my family does say something negative about our relationship, I am 24 years old and old enough to make a decision about who I want to marry, so why should it matter? Or could this be grounds for cancelling the visa? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-14 08:51:00
Middle East and North Africa	Possible MENA issue at the consulate?	Hi all, my fiance just his K1 interview in Madrid. For those of yall who don't know me, my fiance is Moroccan with Spanish residency. His interview was yesterday and the lady told him he was totally approved three or four times when he asked and that his visa should be at his address in 1-2 weeks. This was very exciting news. I had sent a few emails to the embassy stating my support and that if they needed any info to contact me. I assumed they didnt need to since he was already approved and left my phone on vibrate yesterday after the interview while I was at work. However, they called me while I was in a meeting and did not leave a message. I called back ten minutes later and got the answering service. They are only open 8-10 am US time or 3-5 Spain time. I emailed them last night stating that they could contact me by email. I'm a teacher and today was the first day of class where I teach at a new school. I called during their hours between class changes and got the busy tone. Then I got a call from them during class and felt I had to answer it (*breaking school policy on the first day * )or I wouldnt get a chance to talk with them and maybe risk our visa processing getting held up. I excused myself to the restroom and took the call. I was "interviewed" the same 10 questions as my fiance the day before and had sent him with a mountain of paperwork and evidence that explained all of the answers to the questions, but they did not want to take on the day of the interview. I have read every single review for the Madrid consulate and have spoken with at least a dozen people who have done their interview there and this has NEVER happened. I answered everything perfectly but felt a little nervous and jittery since I was leaving my class all alone on the first day of school to take a call and I think my nervousness came out in my voice. I know nervousness looks like a redflag to them, should I try to contact them and explain whats happening? My fiance was told he was approved several times and his passport was taken, no 221g. However he was not give a piece of paper from the delivery service to call if the visa takes more than 2 weeks, which is given at this consulate. I'm hoping she is new and just is trying to take extra steps like calling me and making rookie mistakes like forgetting to give us the delivery paper. My fiance said she was African American, and I have only heard of a blond lady and an older lady doing K-1 so maybe she is new. I really just hope we are not being harassed. He is completely legal in Spain and we have 3 years together so I don't see how this could be a problem. Are we being harassed? Does it sound like they changed their minds? Does it sound like AP? Should I send more proof via email? Anyone have any insight? Should I make a big fuss at the embassy or should I just lay low?, but I dont want to get put on AP..... Maybe I am just nervous from not eating all day and missing my fiance.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-12 17:51:00
Middle East and North Africa	Interview at Algerian Embassy today!	I agree. Take the personal info down. It's not only VJ by the way, there's also facebook, and other social sites. Make sure yours are private. Try to understand that if they ask offensive questions, most of the time it's to see the reaction. In other words, it's not that they think a man can't love a larger woman, but they want to see how he reacts to the question/statement. They like to call this an interview...you should view it as an interrogation. They are trained to identify certain body language, speech patterns, biological responses, nervous tics etc...They aren't just listening to his answers, they are looking for signs of deception. Chances are they deliberately insulted you and asked about sex to see how upset he became. I'm not saying what they do is right or wrong, but it was easier for me to get past some of the questions they asked my husband when I had a better understanding of why they asked them. I sincerely wish you luck, and hope your fiance gets his visa soon. I'm confused with this tactic.... It sounds like a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of a thing. So they ask you a question that would make a man upset. From my experience and understanding, North African men are very protective of their women and will "fight" anyone who says anything bad about them. I find this charming as I'm sure several other MENA ladies do. However, is his 'hot blood' used against him in this interview? Are they saying if he is easily provoked he is dangerous? I still dont get the logic here	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-20 21:37:00
Middle East and North Africa	Interview at Algerian Embassy today!	Their job is to find out if we have provided what was asked for, that we aren't hardened criminals, that there is no obvious fraud (because I can promise you that there has never been an SO that walked into an Embassy and said "You're right, I don't love him/her. I'm just using them for a visa."), and to see if the relationship is ongoing as another way to avoid fraud. If we've had sex or not is not a determining factor. You can't prove love by asking questions. You don't know how those two people are together from some papers and a few questions. You can only really look at the documentation and do your job and make sure that all that was asked for is there and legit. Our green form just says AP. Doesn't ask for anything more from us. So if they have everything.... why can't they just approve it. That's what I don't understand. Look it over, and either it's there or it isn't.I'm not stirring the waters there until after he is here. But once that happens the letter writing begins and the calling starts and the formal complaints are filed. And then I will follow up on each complaint. This is our lives they are dealing with. Not just some papers that can wait forever. It's ridiculous. I keep telling people that after this is over I'm going to move to DC and become a lobbyist for immigration reform. LOL I know exactly what you mean. We are experiencing something similar. We were loaded to the gills with evidence which they did not want to even look at and then two days later put us in AP. Another VJer on here had her interview the same day and got her visa three days ago, no AP. I even called the emb. to see why we were on AP and if I could give them any information (so they could hurry up and issue the visa). I got the whole "Don't call us, we'll call you" bit. It's like they have everything, but for some reason WON'T issue the visa, because they could- we did everything right. And I know y'all did too. It's so frustrating. Today I brokedown and started crying in the ATT store when I was having troubles with my phone, the guy there was like, "ma'am I'm gonna do all I can to fix it!" But it's little things that set me off when everything is so tense and you don't know if you're going to see your fiance this month or in 10 months. I'll be so glad when there's a solution and a visa in hand. Stay strong!	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-20 18:25:00
Middle East and North Africa	Process...	I've heard direct consular filing is relatively painless. You may want to look into that. Best wishes and Congratulations.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 15:48:00
Middle East and North Africa	AP/AR Food for thought	Way to go Danni, I am trying to find my way back to that place, too.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-23 20:08:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	I disagree. I see sense of entitlement and pissiness due to things not going as planned. Too bad that's what you see. Maybe you should stop reading my posts if it bothers you so much. It sounds like it might be good for you. Have a nice day.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-23 20:23:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	What some people are seeing as attitude and defensivenes, I'm seeing as sadness. It's such an emotional rollercoaster that we have no control over. You're trying to make sense of a process that has no apparent rhyme or reason. All I can say to you is to hang in there. That's it. You'll do it because you have no choice....one week, two weeks, three months. We'll all be here right beside you. I guess the other thing that makes it so hard is that he was never told he was on AP, never received a piece of paper or anything. I still don't see how we got from the interview with no AP to being put on AP 5 days after interview. Also, I appreciate the words of comfort and I apologize if my tone was off. I'm really still very much in denial about the whole thing and don't really know what to believe.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-23 20:01:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	Boiler, that's an excellent point. I also noted that in my original post, and I also noted that 11 days into it may not seem like alot to some people from MENA countries, but for this particular embassy it is more than the usual time. Anyway this post was really to just find out a little more about the behind the scenes of what is going on and Sara and Mrs. Amera were very helpful with suggestions, although as Sara pointed out, we don't know what it is that they do. However, it got off track.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 14:26:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	Edited to add: to LaL, I just looked at your timeline, read your consular experience and I know you must have gone through alot. My point is, everyone is going through the same thing, and yes, I know I've only been in it six days, but they've been intense for me. I'm sure everyone who's been on AP has stories that they could tell about the frustration, anxiety, and pain of being separated. I think it's something that people ought to respect and I dont think it's right to make anyone feel bad about the way their dealing with their AP because it's tough no matter who you are, where you are, or whatever the situation.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 12:40:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	Most people who frequent this forum have been on AR/AP. In my journey we went through Montreal (with a "mena" man) and were on AR for 8 months. The advice is good advice, really. It's really disheartening to see people new to the process lash out at seasoned members suggesting we don't recall what the wait is like. I remember. LAL, I was not referring to you. I think your comment was one of the ones for good advice. And I was not "lashing out" - I think it is sad that some people cant express their thoughts without being insensitive to others.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 12:32:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	Echoing others by saying that comparing cases will make you crazy. It's possible that he got a name hit. You've only been on AP for 6 days. If you're getting irritated and angry after only 6 days how are you going to cope if it takes 6 weeks or 6 mos. or longer? Please try to calm down and do not compare your case with anyone else. What is with all the judgmental attitudes today? I appreciate those who have been supportive, but I am really wondering about several people on here. If you've never been on AP don't just tell me to get over it or stop comparing. If you have been on AP before, you obviously don't remember what it feels like to actually BE in AP. Just like every case is different, every person handles being in AP differently. The judgmental attitudes are really unnecessary and I'm very disappointed to see this kind of behavior going on when we are all in the same boat, especially between the MENA posters.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 12:08:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	first of all, although comparing timelines with others can be a useful reference point, it can also send you over the edge. At this point its really not going to do anything but make you crazy to focus on the other cases in Madrid. as for the security checks, it IS standard for MENA males, regardless of what consulate they go through. The upside is that because the checks cost our government money, they are usually not ordered until everything else for the visa is a go, which means that your evidence and relationship info is probably fine and acceptable. There are a number of internal databases the names go through, including the DOS and FBI but undoubtedly more we in the public dont even really know about. the fact is, we just dont know what all they entail. I have been on this board several years now and I cant count the times this has been discussed, and at the end of the day its all just speculation and guessing on our part. If anyone had a more concrete or satisfactory answer about the processes behind AP we would all be happier. With just a very very few exceptions, everyone on this particular forum has stood in your shoes Meghan. It sucks and its frustrating but about the best you can do is hope yours is brief and not the one year + we've seen other people go through. Thanks Sara for the advice. Yes it is very frustrating. Especially due to the fact that my fiance and I waited out the time for two years for his background and name checks in 07 and 08 for him to get his residency in Spain that finally came in November of 09, before we even filed for the K-1. Had I known that he did not need his Spanish residency to do his interview in Madrid, we would have filed earlier, but we were trying to do things the right way so we wouldnt have these problems now. It's just frustrating that even though you have all the paperwork for background and security checks completed, that you still have to wait. And it's frustrating to see people who didnt go through these checks to get their residency slide on through. Anyway, I am really having a hard time wrapping my head around why they're doing security checks on him, when they didnt do it on the other Mena males who went through the same embassy.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 10:44:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	Sorry, but it's not uncommon to have AP for MENA folks suggest you go over to the AP/waivers forum for more info. Read more carefully what I wrote above and check the timelines of the Madrid consulate. You'll see that several undocumented MENA men in Spain were issued a visa within a week. Mine is documented and is in all the databases for Spain already.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 09:51:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	I forgot to ask.... What exactly are they doing on these security checks and how long do they take?	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 08:13:00
Middle East and North Africa	Security checks for MENA men in foreign consulates	Hi all, if you don't know me, I'm Meghan, met my Moroccan fiance three years ago in Spain where we had our interview Aug 11. Madrid is a pretty good consulate from everything that I've read. I've studied timelines and reviews and the average wait time for the visa to arrive in hand is 5-6 days. We are on day 11. I know that's not alot for many of you in other consulates, but for Madrid it is. I've only seen two other timelines that have taken longer than that. There were several MENA petitioners in Madrid that received their visas within a week from the day of the interview. My fiance has his legal permanent residence in Spain. Any foreigner with any criminal background will be denied residency. He also has his police reports from both Spain and Morocco (translated) with no problems. What I do not understand is why we are on AP. We have been on AP since last Monday with no changes or updates. We have a really solid relationship, good evidence, so that's not an issue. People have told me we are on AP because he is from a MENA country and they are doing security checks. This makes no sense- because other MENA petitioners (some without residency or even police certificates from Spain) did not have to wait more than a week to get their visa, no security checks or anything . WTH is going on?	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-22 08:06:00
Middle East and North Africa	Moroccan Cuisine	i love this recipe, and have been making it for years when you first posted it! Yeah this is definitely a classic. I learned how to make this one several years ago and it's definitely a keeper. I like it with manzanilla olives though, and a great variation is to add mushrooms too! check out cookingwithalia.com she is awesome and I just made her chebakia last weekend and it was just like my sister in laws Edited by meghan.spain, 25 August 2010 - 08:58 PM.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-25 20:56:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	My aunt is in her 80s and is infamous for her bashing letters, offending family members with her outspokenness, and extreme conservativism to the point of insanity (she all tried to get us to vote for Palin, saying "she's not black and she breastfeeds, too"). I aint messin with her. She aint messin with me. Ok that's fine. PS- she replied to the email with one line. "I was talking about YOU, not Anwar. CAUTION: Treacherous waters ahead!" Whatever, you cant waste your time with people like that and I certainly wasnt going to waste alot of time writing to her.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-20 16:39:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	Meghan, The letter shows that the person who wrote it is very close-minded. If I were you I'd have wrote a long reply answering every part with answers 'that would shut them up' before I asked her to stop talking to me again, but you still did good by closing the door for more interference in your life. I also find the part Jenn quoted from the later racist. It does in a way sound wise and all, but if a person is wise enough would realize that s/he shouldn't discriminate against people or categorize them based on race, religion, nationality, etc. I hope everything starts cooling down soon. I agree Aya. I think marriage can be difficult for some and for others they know how to pull through things. I have seen couples who speak the same language, grew up in the same town, same religion that absolutely can't communicate or don't know how to make it work. It really has nothing to do with any of that- if you make it work with your husband, that's great. My fiance and I look at our differences, not as obstacles, but we look to what we can learn from each other and things like language barriers and how he'll adapt to life in the USA as an adventure. And we know itll be tough, but isnt that what keeps life interestin?	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-20 16:27:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	I'm not suggesting she throw out familial relationships. I just don't believe that particular book will change anything. I gave my mother that book before I married a Muslim Arab because I felt it was a simple enough for her to understand and thought it would help her understand Islam better. It failed and she ended up looking ####### up online to prove HER point. She wasn't even half as bad as Meghan's family. My family isn't exactly thrilled about Islam but now that they've met my husband they've softened up a lot and it's a non issue. It probably helps that he's not religious and not your "typical" Arab Muslim. They'd probably prefer if I had married a white, American Christian man but I didn't and they've learned to deal with it. Also, I did have a time of disconnect from my family while I was waiting for my husband to arrive. Once he got here he's the one who brought everyone back together. That helped as well. Anyways, maybe a time of disconnect wouldn't be terrible for Meghan. Not a complete cutting of ties just a "break". That's exactly what I want. I just need some time for them to back away and let me do my thing until he gets here. All this drama of showing up unannounced at my house, ringing the doorbells and "checking up" on me at my house it too much. I moved out of their house six months ago cause I was done with shenanigans and foolishness. I really just need a break from them for awhile.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-18 20:27:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	It's a good book, I agree. However, this family is hardcore I don't even think that will help them. Unfortunately. The book would probably be helpful for Meghan and I would also recommend it to her. Yes, my family seriously is hardcore. I really do not care to ever speak to this aunt again (we have had issues before this) and I think my brief email pretty much sums up that I won't be speaking to her. I don't think any books or heart to hearts with her would ever happen. The reason I have never had any open discussion with my family is that there is no discussion- it's a monologue of the " my way or the highway" as far as what's right. I certainly don't want to discuss my love life or my hopes and dreams with them as there is nothing sacred in this family it seems. However, I mentioned in an early post that I spoke with my mom and told her I was doing Ramadan. She knows what Ramadan is, made a disgusted face, started crying and left. I didn't think it was necessary to discuss more with her, because she looked pretty sad/upset. I'll save that for another day. But at least she knows now. And as for not throwing away relationships, I do love my mother. But right now, I have to distance myself from her and show her that this is my choice and she needs to respect that. Edited by meghan.spain, 18 August 2010 - 08:16 PM.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-18 20:14:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	I sent the following email back tonight: I am just opening this email as I do not use this account anymore. Had I seen this letter before,I would have replied to tell you how dare you say such things about me and my future husband. Do not try to contact me. Do not try to speak to me. I do not want your advice, emails, or letters. Hopefully this will get the message across Edited by meghan.spain, 18 August 2010 - 07:30 PM.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-18 19:29:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	Thanks so much for the lovely stories from P, Zaytoona, Crossed fingers, and all. I enjoyed their sweetness and humor. I hope we hear more stories like theirs and more happy endings. I got a visit from my mother today at my house. She wanted to know why I was treating her "this way" I was firm and straightfaced when I said I didn't like the way she behaved with me last time and that Iam fasting and do not want to be forced to do anything I don't want to do. I explained I was doing Ramadan and she made a disgusted face and some comments. She then turned and left with a very upset face and asked "Is this how you treat your mother?" I pretty much can't deal with anymore drama, so what do I do? I open up my email to find a letter my aunt (the one who told me I was dead to her and she didn't know me.) This letter is like 5 pages long and really made me sick. I'm debating whether to post it or not. Here's a short portion: When you rode off last night on the elephant named Islam and stuffed him in the car with you, I felt a very deep sadness for you because if your relationship cannot bear the scrutiny of two innocent vital, life-altering questons from one who loves you unconditionally, ones that will be uppermost in the minds of not only every born-again Christian who knows you, but also every savvy U.S. citizen that your decision will affect, you will continue to be hurt and/or angry every time they surface. Not only Christians, but every informed American who recognizes that Islam, whose guidebook, the Koran, demands that its members "kill the infidel", (that's us who are not Muslims)-and know of thousands of atrocities to prove it- is keenly aware that Muslims who believe their holy book are a grave threat not only to our country, but to each one of us individually. Some Muslims apparently do not believe it. . . . . We are aware that Sharia law has taken over Dearborn, MI, of how Muslims are taking over Europe, of their goal to dominate the world, of their pervasive suppression of women, etc. You obviously are unaware of this perception/knowledge, choose not to believe it, or you simply suppress it because you are "in love"with one of them. Those of us who love you can see an indescribably hard road ahead for you if you persist on your present path, and because I am naturally outspoken, I can no longer remain silent. You need to know that your uncle Jim agrees completely, but his temperament and personality keep him from expressing his feelings on the subject. He strongly believes that I should send this letter, the draft of which he has read. The letter goes on and really gets offensive. I was forty years old with an M.S. degree in counseling when your mother became engaged to G B, Aunt K to B, and Aunt C S S in 1974, and all of us who knew the couples had deep misgivings regarding the decisions that they were making, but we kept our mouths shut for fear of alienating those "in love" girls with their heads in the clouds and their dreams in Brides magazine. I have since learned from experience, and from the Bible, that to remain silent is to do a person a grave disservice. If I saw you placidly floating down a calm river knowing that there are treacherous, deadly rapids ahead, it would be criminal not to warn you, which I hoped to do last night with you. If, however, I had known that your s would become a lesbian, and then a man, I would have been crushed at her decisions, but again I would have kept my mouth shut for I had already participated in an intervention with the family at Tom's house which did not change the course of her life, but seemed to impel her to be more determined to go her own way. You can be assured that I will not attempt to intervene in your life again for you made your intentions clear last night by fleeing. When I asked you if your decision to follow Christ and be baptized was real, and you answered yes, you need to know that at the moment you believed and accepted you became, with Christians all over the world, a member of the Body of Christ, who believe that the Bible is the guide to our attitudes and actions, and as such are committed to look out for each other. "When one member of the body suffers, we all suffer", so we are not islands unto ourselves, independent to make decisions that are diametrically opposite to its teachings. Our holy book very clearly warns us"not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers". We Christians believe that Christ is indeed God; not a "good prophet and teacher" as Islam declares. By Jesus' declaration that He is God, He is either the Lord, as He claims to be; a liar, who is pretending to be God; or a lunatic, who thinks he is God. I asked you, "Why are you planning to marry a Muslim?" You responded that it was a personal matter between you, Anwar, and God. When I responded that Allah is not the God of the Bible, it was then that you completely withdrew, and the conversation ended when I was called to the computer room. I told Jeff that I had offended you by asking about your Christianity and why you were marrying a Muslim, and he responded that he couldn't talk with you about it . . .There was no time for further discussion with him since we were trying to scan a document. My premise is that when the upcoming marriage of a close family member cannot even be discussed, then something is desperately wrong with the relationship . . . . . . . Regarding your hypersensitivity to these very valid questions, which will definitely be in the minds of every Christian who saw you baptized, as well as every American who knows you: You probably have a wide circle of friends, fellow students, and colleagues, not to mention relatives, who will not only wonder, but some will have the audacity to actually ask you about your decision. Therefore, if you persist toward your present goal of joining your life with this man, you need to grow some thicker skin to be able to cope with the questions, and respond without having to go lick your wounds. I'm speaking the truth in love here, and if you are as intelligent as I believe you are, and as wise as you perceive yourself to be, you will at least think about what I am attempting to express. I am wondering if you have done everything in your power to assist the Holy Spirit in converting Anwar to your faith . . .If you have and he is still resistent, then you will be deliberately disabeying the commands of Jesus (to Whom you vowed your allegiance when you committed your life to Him, and sealed it with your Christian baptism) if you unite your life with an unbeliever! Serious consequences will be yours, and I could not, in good conscience, continue to make small talk last night with the giant elephant in the room without at least raising those most important questions which will affect your entire life forever. The most important decision a person will ever make is whether or not she/he will commit to Christianity because it determines where you will spend eternity. The second most important decision is if, and whom you will marry, for this decision affects your life until you die. If I didn't love you unconditionally, I would have pursued the aforementioned 'small talk'as I am quite adept at it, and it is WAY easier to do so, but because I care deeply for you, I had to raise the issues when I had a minute with you privately. That you responded in such an immature manner, more like a petulant, defiant 12-year old than a mature woman soon to be a quarter of a century old, my gut feeling about your unreadiness for the second most important decision in your life, is confirmed. You recall that the last time you were here, you stayed in this room with the computer the entire time so that we had absolutely no time alone with each other to discuss this subject. . . .I continue to wonder what that was about since you were not physically ill . . . You may, or may not know that married life, even with someone with the same background, socio-economic status, education, religion, race, cultural values/traditions, and the same English language in common with all your associates, is not a walk in the park! Having been married for almost 60 years to your uncle Jim, who is an absolute prince, we have experienced some really hard times relationally even with all the commonalities. You haven't a clue to the pitfalls that potentially lie ahead with a North African who shares few or none of these commonalities. Because you lived with Anwar in Spain, you probably think that you know everything about him, but you haven't yet introduced him to your family and friends, sent him to take care of business alone, allowed him to function without your translating and interpreting for him, had to meet alone with another man for business related to your work, or even a male physician, cover for his ignorance of our customs and his social faux pas',attempted to have and raise children with him, deal with his lack of employment, etc., etc. Love is not enough! I regret that it is a subject that you are unable or unwilling to discuss, for if your relationship were transparent and exposed to the light of day, you may gain some greater insight into your future. Sometimes older people have accrued some wisdom that they are willing to share that can benefit younger ones who lack their experience. Prudent and mature people at least can bring themselves to listen. With a heart that is breaking for you, and much love, I will close this very long letter, with the intense and sincere hope that you will give careful consideration to the concerns that I have expressed. This is pretty intense. What do you think?	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-18 18:50:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	Everyone's family is different. I certainly empathize with what the OP is going through. I don't like hiding anything from my family, and I don't like carrying on my religion behind some secrecy. However, I think if I came out about it all today, it would cause unnecessary pain and stress. I know my family, and I know they will eventually come around, and I don't want them to do something rash like skip our wedding because they blame my fiance and then a year later after they've cooled down realize what they missed out on. This isn't to say that one way is better than any other, or that I've found the best path. It's a hard, messy situation no matter what - and as we all seem to agree, it's not at all surprising that it is such a challenge. Some families may feel more betrayed at the lie than at the conversion itself; I am positive that my family has different priorities. Did I mention I have an older brother who tried to divorce himself from the family after they tried doing all kinds of interventions for something unrelated. Then several years after this, my parents had another falling out with him because they didnt agree with his personal decisions and did not go to his wedding. They get along, sort of, today, but when I ask my mom if she would take it all back and go to his wedding, she said she still wouldnt go and she also has told me she will do the same for my own. I think I may have to take the previous posters advice and just cut them out of the equation, at least for awhile. Anyway, I'm glad your family is taking it well and I like what you said about baby steps.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 22:20:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	Oh, my gosh, you have just described my life, except with a lot less seafood. My parents are not big drinkers AT ALL but they do enjoy wine with "special occasion" dinners and some other nice evenings. They don't sit around and get drunk or anything, but one evening they might watch a movie and have a glass of wine with some strawberries and chocolate or something. Before converting, I was also a foodie who enjoyed wine with certain meals. I stopped eating pork many years ago so that wasn't a tip-off and we don't live together so they can't hassle me about Ramadan the way your mother is, but maaaaaaaaaaaaan they pressure me about wine. You'd think I was sinning by NOT drinking the wine! What you described really resonates with me, because my parents treat it in the same way. They don't come out and TALK about it openly, they just push, and push, and push, and push. "Why don't you have some wine? Don't you like wine anymore? It's a pinot, that's your favorite. Oh, it goes so well with the meat, wow, you should try this. Just a sip. Why won't you take just a sip? How about a small glass. Aren't you going to toast with us? When was the last time you had any wine?" Oh my gosh, they do that too with wine! I know what you mean about it's almost a sin NOT to drink. Once my mom tried to spike some lemonade and get me to drink it, but I got a whiff of it and outsmarted her. It's like it's the same childish game of push and pull. ...The sip thing is what kills me- I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. Oh and we have Mardi Gras here and if you aren't drinking they think something is wrong with you.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 21:01:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	I was just trying to help sweety! I hope you didnt take offense to anything I said. I, like you had the same thing with my mom who said he could get me over there and keep me and if I did anything wrong he could have me stoned to death or beat me and his family could kill us both if they didnt agree to this marriage. Not saying that there are not bad Muslims out, but there are also people who call themselves "Christians" that dont deserve to call themselves that. Again, total ignorance because they have not been there and experienced it first hand. You have some very other good ideas listed on here from others, what ever you decide to do, I do wish you the best! Take care! No offense taken. Sorry if it came off like I was.... I guess I shouldve taken that last post and split it in two. I sincerely meant what I said when I said I enjoyed your story and that I was glad your family has become more accepting.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 20:38:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	Thanks Monica, you and Hicham have been in our thoughts and prayers since before June. Hoping everything works out for you two! And you're right- all that really matters is that you are at peace with the decisions you make because ultimately you are the one who has to live with them.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 16:56:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	I totally agree with Msheeshas post. By hiding and being dishonest you are giving the impression that you are ashamed or embarassed by your conversion. look them in the eye, hold your head up and tell them you are fasting for Ramadan because you are Muslim/ I get that you're trying to give advice, but I don't think you know my family or the way things are down here. I'm not ashamed that I'm Muslim. I just can't deal with any of their ####### right now and certainly don't need them all coming over to my house banging on the doors to have an intervention and bringing the pastor to lay hands on me and speak in tongues over me. And yes, they WILL do that, because they've talked about doing it to my fiance. You also need to read about how pushy my family can be. They absolutely do not take No for an answer. I really didn't want this to turn in to an advice forum, which I already mentioned from Tamara's post that I just started this forum for people to share stories about their difficulties with their families in converting to Islam and for us to be able to support each other, not try to criticize or attack each other. Thanks. Let's keep the tone right.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 16:42:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	Alhamdulelah sis, it's so good to hear that you are fasting! Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah reward you for your struggles and patience in dealing with your family. Just hang in there, Allah rewards those who are patient and tests those whom he loves. Some of it is hard to recall but when I first converted I think I was very forthcoming with my intentions soon after I was sure that I wanted to be a Muslim because I felt very strongly about it, although with my dad it was a bit hard to deal with and I think I emailed him about it. At first, when I was looking into Islam I guess because I was so interested by it, it was all I could really talk about to my sisters and my mother so I think they saw it coming. It's hard for me to remember all of the details, but my family did know. I was living with my father at the time and we basically did not talk very much at all, before or after I began looking into Islam so he just ignored me, until I decided to wear hijab and began to pray. He was very angry... Had several arguments with me about how religion is stupid, that god doesn't care what I do, and that He (god) is laughing at me (my dad does not believe in organized religion, but believes in a god that just "watches" us). He told his whole side of the family about it, and of course he told them his own version. He also made sure to tell them that Islam was an evil sort of "cult", sent them emails and website links that spread hate about Islam, said they treated their women like property and that I was an "idiot", a "stupid immature girl" And was going through a fad. He basically slandered my name to his whole side of the family. He told me that I couldn't pray in his house or wear the "stupid scarf" on my head and that I was degrading myself, and that anything pertaining to Islam had to be gotten rid of or at least put in my car so it wasn't in his house, so I moved out the next morning while he was at work. I moved in with my grandparents and continued to practice. My grandma was very upset, she cried some and would argue about Jesus, bring up religion all the time and try to get me to eat pork even by lying and saying there was no pork in her food. Also she'd insist there was nothing wrong with drinking. She still bugs me, and says "You have gorgeous hair, if I were you I'd show it to everybody!". Alhamdulelah though, some people have experienced much worse and have even had physical abuse. I am just glad I am able to practice Islam. Everyone's story is different and so interesting. Again, May Allah reward you Sis, I am so happy for you. Thanks so much for sharing this story with us Rachel. I think we have alot in common and I appreciate your words of encouragement. Have a blessed Ramadan!	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 12:12:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	Meghan - I converted years ago, prior to meeting my husband, and fasted for several years prior to medical issues stopping me from fasting from food during Ramadan. I believe that my family (practicing Christian Catholics) was accepting because I was open and honest with them from the beginning. I don't think you can engender respect from your family for your beliefs and actions without being honest with them about it. While it may be an open secret, I think that you are contributing to the disrespect by not dealing with it head on. Honestly, I think you are contributing to issues by not honestly putting everything out on the table honestly. How can they respect and honor your decisions and actions when you're not addressing it directly yourself? They can easily be reading your ommissions as shame about your decisions. Why would they honor and respect it when you're not showing pride and maturity yourself? I don't mean to be harsh and I hope you aren't offended, but from my perspective, you really seem to be contributing to the situation. You should not be ashamed of your decisions or hide behind your fiance about them. By doing so, I think that you're giving your family free reign to do what they are doing. Also, with regard to not sharing with your family that you are Muslim until your fiance gets here, I think you are potentially putting your fiance in a very unfair situation. Your family seems to already have enough negative assumptions/feelings about your fiance and your relationship. Why not be strong on your own and deal with the conversion before he gets here so that your fiance will not be dealing with transition to a new country, etc AND having to deal with your family's feelings about your conversion all at once. Just some food for thought from my perspective. I hope it's of some benefit to you. Peace. Thank you for your post. This has given me something to think about. My fiance is telling me to wait to tell them, but I do feel that I could easily have avoided this whole incident had they just known from day 1 this is what I'm doing and that I have already made my decision. Thanks again.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 12:10:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	People fear what they dont know. Just a suggestion, but if you printed out things about Islam and left them at their house, do you think they would read it? Or if you actually sat down with them and just told them what you are doing and how you feel, would they listen? If you educate them more maybe they wont put so much pressure on you. I had somewhat of a problem with all of my family and some of my friends when they found out that my now husband is Muslim. Mom wouldnt talk to me, Dad just shook his head. But after I printed out papers and talked with them about it, the more they eased up. Now they talk almost everyday to him on webcam. Just try! I wish you the best of luck. Take care! Dear DreamnJordan Thanks for sharing. I'm glad your family is finally accepting and is adapting well. I began speaking to my family about Islam years ago and bought books, etc. But my family did the same, only different... for example my dad would print out articles about true stories- one was a heterosexual moroccan man who had a relationship with a French man so that he could move to France. Also stories about honor killings and that stories that say the religion supports beating women. Terrorist stories. My aunt recently told me I was dead to her and she didnt know me- three years ago she said " How can light have union with dark?" Another aunt told me, before I moved to Spain to be with my fiance, wrote me a letter to tell me I was throwing my life in the garbage by marrying him. They'll leave out evangelical books about Muslims turned Christians and at dinner they'll pray for my fiance's mortal soul that he doesnt burn in hell. It's ridiculous! I'm fed up!!!	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 11:24:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	My mom has seen me in pictures with the veil and knows that I would wear it when I was living outside the US. She also knows that I have expressed positive opinions about Islam. Most people are probably wondering why I dont just tell my family already. I am waiting for the opportunity to express my wish to convert to my family, although I said my shahada Ramadan 09. My fiance wants me to wait till he gets here (just had visa approved Aug 12) before we officially tell my family. My fiance is almost always right about the best way to handle a situation and I trust his judgment completely. He also led me to Islam and taught me so much about the way to lead a good life that I did not understand before, so I am choosing to remain silent until he arrives.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 11:05:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	My mom knows I am fasting for Ramadan. She just wants me to admit it so the whole family can basically do what they did the first time to me all over again.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 10:59:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan & overbearing WASP family	You had to have known that coming from a christian family its unacceptable to be married to a muslim. Its no surprise that your mom would react this way if she thinks you have converted or thinking to convert. This post is for sharing stories for people with similar experiences, not for ugly comments or advice. I also never mentioned being surprised as this has been going on for more than three years. Thanks for you opinion.	mspain	Female	Spain	2010-08-15 10:53:00
Middle East and North Africa	MENA CR1/K3/K1 filers	WHAT DO YOU ALL MEAN BY 'TOUCHES' ?? Is there somewhere I can go to find out where I stand in AP??? I call the state department and they just tell me "pending administrative processing" and won't tell me anything else. CAN IT BE?? SOMEONE FOUND A WAY TO FIND OUT THE PROGRESS?? PLEASE TELL ME!!! Husband's appointment in Amman November 9, 2008. Still awaiting AP. May 7,2009	magnolia2002	Female	Jordan	2009-05-07 00:13:00
Middle East and North Africa	Affidavit of support	what about K-3 visa? does the Consular in Casablanca require only the I-134 in this process?? or an other one??	aijan	Female	Morocco	2006-02-27 15:42:00