ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhat if..... ?? I need your opinions plz
Hello everybody,

I have a question for you and I need your explanations, opinions, suggestions and HELP !!
Well, in one hand, I took the I-129F interview in october 2006 (5 months) and i was given the 221g paper for administrative processing in Washington DC. My husband called the DOS yesterday and they told him that the process is at its final stages and everything is good so far. they'll send the answer to Casablanca consulate as soon as the process is finished.
in the other hand, my I-130 case is complete, and NVC told him to call, also next week, so as they'll give the interview date!!

My question(s) is (are):
- What will happen to the I-130, if the consualte call me to bring passport to stamp the I-129F visa?
- What will happen in the opposite senario? i.e I have an I-130 interview before the I-129F A/P is completed? does it mean, that they'll give me an other A/P after the I-130 interview??
and the main question is:
- Let's assume that the consualte call me to bring my passport to have the I-129F visa, is it possible for me to KEEP the I-130 interview date, that i'll be given by NVC, and wait this date to take the interview in Morocco?... OR, isn't possible, coz the consulate will cancel my I-130 interview, once they'll give me the I-129F visa?

I hope that i've clearly expressed myself... i really need your help guys
thanks in adavance

Najia
aijanFemaleMorocco2007-03-15 12:59:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresa medical exam question
[/quote]No med exam is necessary. As long as if the med exam is within 1 year.
[/quote]


Thanks for your answer... is this stated somewhere in a guide?
aijanFemaleMorocco2007-03-25 02:32:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresa medical exam question
Hello everybody

My CR-1 interview is scheduled in 10 days.

My question is : do I have to take the medical exam AGAIN? (blood test, lung x-ray, vaccinations...) because I've already done all these just before I took the K-3 interview in October!! (I was issued the 221(g). Up to now, K-3 is still pending due to A/P in Washington DC)...

Thanks for your answers

NB : I have a duplicata of DS-3025
aijanFemaleMorocco2007-03-24 14:52:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresCR-1 visa not issued, due to K3's pending A/P!!
Hello everybody,
I took the CR-1 interview yesterday. After the CO asked me some general questions, he told me that he can't issue me the visa because the A/P regarding my K3 is still pending (since October 2006), once it'll be finish they'll contact me.
My question is : what kind of visa will i be issued when this long wait will be over?? K-3? or CR1?
Should I email the consulate and told them what kind of visa we prefer/abandon?
see "Lobo30" post: quite a same situation
thanks
N.
aijanFemaleMorocco2007-04-05 14:57:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresApproved Today!!!
congratulations :)
aijanFemaleMorocco2006-07-03 15:45:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresApproval from CSC for me yahoo
Congratulations !!! we are happy for you!! hope we'll get it soon too
have a nice trip
Najia
aijanFemaleMorocco2006-07-25 12:38:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresWere there any CSC approvals Aug 15 or 16?
Not me :crying: :crying: I'm still waiting, too
wish that won't be a LONG wait... :(
aijanFemaleMorocco2006-08-17 01:39:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Proceduressweet...Ü
congratulations :dance:
aijanFemaleMorocco2006-08-19 03:20:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresWaiting...Wondering...Missing....Hoping....Etc.
Thanks! He is sending his foto. We are trying to make sure we do everything 100% accurately. I am sure you understand.
aliciaandfranFemaleNicaragua2006-09-22 15:33:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresWaiting...Wondering...Missing....Hoping....Etc.
I am new to this sight. I have filled out the initial forms (I-129F) for the K-1 visa, and am in the process of making the copies of my passport, photos, phone records, and all of that jazz. My fiance Fran has filled out his biographic information form (G-325A) with his signature, and will be mailing that to me shortly. When I receive his part, I will mail everything in exactly as asked for. I am builing a strong case with all of the necessary evidence so that they can't possible ask for more. Can somebody please tell me how long of a wait we are in for? Will they accept us if we give them everything they ask for?! We will mail our papers in to the Texas office. Can somebody please give me a little bit of encouragement and tell me that it will be ok...
Thanks,
Alicia

Edited by aliciaandfran, 22 September 2006 - 03:07 PM.

aliciaandfranFemaleNicaragua2006-09-22 15:06:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresquetions about medical exam
QUOTE (phoebemarshall @ Mar 23 2009, 07:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
GOOD DAY!

i'm phoebe
i've been reading about what to do on medical examination and interview.
i will have my medical examinations on april 30 and 31.

i'm just worried about this medical exam.
because i had tb.
i think almost 3 years ago.
had medications for almost 2 months,
and had 3 diffirent x-rays through the company where i'm working right now because of examinations that they are conducting every year
and i think they didnt detect any tb on my x-ray because i was hired by this company and still working for them until now

but still so much worried about this tb that i had almost 3 years ago.

i just want to ask if theres anybody there who can advice me on what to do?
anybody who have same scenario?
i'm so worried about all the delays that might happen.
do you think that this tb that i had will still appear on my medical exam??



If you had medications before it might be cured already and physicallly fit to work that is why the company hired you. Some company are not particular on it as long as it is not contagious. But since that you had a history of TB, St. Lukes might have some findings on your x-ray like scars and will require you to have a sputum test for 2 months culture.

In my case, i do not have history on TB but they have findings on my chest x-ray (fibrosis) and i had my sputum and it was negative. At my POE the officer advised me to call the local health department for a follow-up test after 1 week. I had my chest x-ray again with the same results at st. lukes and i had my Tuberculin Test which is positive (some are saying coz of BCG vaccine we had in the phils), so i had my medication for 6 mos. and they gave me clearance card that i am done with it.. kicking.gif

Dont worry, you still have more time to be healthy, take vitamins and eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water and juices, rest. You will be fine in you medical and dont forget to pray...He will answer all your prayers. God Bless!



Nelly228FemalePhilippines2009-03-23 09:26:00
Middle East and North AfricaRamadan & overbearing WASP family
Anybody have a similar story?
My fiance and I have been together for three years now. I was born into a Christian family, but made the decision to practice Islam. Three Ramadans ago, not yet a Muslima, I decided to do Ramadan as much as I could. My family would be mortified if I had told them, but I did mention my fasting to a cousin, and it later got back to my family that I was fasting and it was a scandal, but no one talked about it openly- just behind my back. Last year I was fortunate enough to be living in Granada where my fiance lives and was able to do Ramadan freely. Now I am back in the states awaiting my fiance and practicing Ramadan in my own home. My fiance thinks it is best we do no discuss my practicing Ramadan with my family because of how upset they would get and cause alot of problems for me. However, my mother has been picking at me since the first day of Ramadan to get me to eat, admit I am doing Ramadan, or just bring up the subject of Christianity with me. First of all, she called me up the first day of Ramadan to have dinner (scallops- my favorite) with them at six- I told her I'd be busy till later and might stop by. Then she started asking me what I ate for lunch in the cafeteria at the school where I work and went on about how they ought to have crawfish etoufee, shrimp scampi, baked chicken or whatever at the school. I finally told her I couldnt talk since she refused to change the subject. She called me back ten minutes later saying she was going to stop by my house to bring me some homegrown vegetables and some pastries, and she wanted me to make a pot of coffee. Told her I was going to be out running errands and hung up. She called me a couple of minutes later to say they would have dinner early and that I could run my errands later. Told her sorry, cant.
She knows exactly what she's doing and knows I'm fasting but wants to tempt me. So I never went over to their house and I broke fast at the appropriate time at home. I ignored her call the next day, but called her back Sat. morning. She said she wanted to go to this new store that just opened and did I want to go with her. I told her sure, but we'd leave at 9 cause I had to be back for 11 ( I did not want to get stuck with her at lunch). She shows up at my house at 1030, of course, we both silently know this is on purpose. Anyway we go to the new store, then to the bank. I needed to stop by target to get something, but on the way (she's driving, my mistake, I shouldve driven) she says we ought to go to my favorite cafe and get my favorite salad there. I told her I didnt have time and needed to be back soon cause I had to be at work at 1. So what does she do? Orders it to go. I tell her really, Im not hungry and I'll eat later.
So shes being very obnoxious about it all and waves the food in my face when she gets back in the car. I'm trying not to make too big of a deal but shes really overdoing it. We get back to my place. She starts dishing everything up, I tell her not to get me a plate cause I still have to get ready for work, etc. and I'll eat later. She refuses and almost physically forces me to eat with her. I tell her to stop being childish and pushy and that I'm leaving for work, shell have to eat alone. She says "NO Come back and tell me why you're not eating. Jesus would want you to eat. Come back." I ask her if she knows how to lock up after herself and I leave the house for work.
I call my fiance on the way and tell him the ordeal. He tells me I did right in not eating and that I have to be a little harsh with her so she'll stop. She is seriously pushy!
He tells me I ought to be nice to her next time, but let her know I'm not going to put up with any foolishness. So later when she calls I hesitate to answer, but pick up. She wants to know at 5:30 if I want to eat crabs. I tell her maybe, that I'm taking a nap and I'll let her know later. She asks me if I'm taking a nap because I'm hungry, I tell her I'm taking a nap because I'm tired. She asks me if I will go with her to church tomorrow, I say maybe. She says " that sounds like no to both" and I tell her I'm tired and I'm going back to nap.
I never went to her house or anything so here I am. The big pink elephant in the room. They know, I know, but no one wants to say the R word and I know if someone says it, they will launch a Christian "jihad" on me and will make a huge deal for months about it just like they did when I got engaged "to a Muslim".
I'm pretty much disgusted with their behavior and wish my family would stop the pushiness and the evangelizing. You cant force anyone to do anything even if they are your child.
They same thing happened when I stopped eating pork and drinking alcohol several years ago and they still try to get me to eat/ drink it.
Anyone have any similar stories?
mspainFemaleSpain2010-08-15 10:07:00
Middle East and North AfricaThe "sent back to USCIS for review" thread
What expiration date are yall talking about? Is that the NOA2 date that's open for four months? Mine is coming up Sept. 5 and if we don't have a visa issued by the embassy by then (it's being reviewed or processed- we don't really know and they won't tell us, just saying visa cannot be issued at this time) the visa will then expire right?
mspainFemaleSpain2010-08-22 07:15:00
Middle East and North AfricaBest way to travel to see family overseas
Thank you. This is very helpful info.
mspainFemaleSpain2011-08-13 00:10:00
Middle East and North AfricaBest way to travel to see family overseas

My husband traveled home every year since he came to the US (once he had his Green card). You are free to fly through Europe without a visa you just can't leave the airport. This depends on the country however. When he went through England and had an overnight stay they gave him a 24 hr stamp in the airport to leave he wanted. Spain would not do this. We never tried in France. But if you're just connecting through Europe it's no problem.

You may want to look at Royal Air Maroc from JFK - Casa. In mid-late September they have fares at $880 roundtrip. It might be cheaper to do one ticket from where you are to JFK and then the RAM flight.

My husband traveled home every year since he came to the US (once he had his Green card). You are free to fly through Europe without a visa you just can't leave the airport. This depends on the country however. When he went through England and had an overnight stay they gave him a 24 hr stamp in the airport to leave he wanted. Spain would not do this. We never tried in France. But if you're just connecting through Europe it's no problem.

You may want to look at Royal Air Maroc from JFK - Casa. In mid-late September they have fares at $880 roundtrip. It might be cheaper to do one ticket from where you are to JFK and then the RAM flight.


Thank you so much. I checked flights from NY to Casa on RAM and they're still pretty high. We'd have to buy a separate ticket to travel from New Orleans to NY also, so I've been looking more into flights into Europe and then taking a European airline to fly to Morocco. Do you think he would find problems if he took a flight with a company like Continental from New Orleans to Paris and then he took a flight with a separate company on a different ticket/ reservation from France to Morocco? Even though he wouldn't be leaving the airport I'm still paranoid that something might happen and he'd get stuck at passport control and miss his flight. We would save alot doing this.
mspainFemaleSpain2011-08-11 22:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaBest way to travel to see family overseas

If you go to Priceline.com you can win a very cheap ticket on a route you prefer. You would just need a few tips on how to execute. These tips can be googled as well. Good luck!



Thanks for the tip. I guess what I should have highlighted is the question about whether or not he needs a transit visa- which you can see more about by clicking on the link. If he can't travel through Europe we won't be able to afford the ticket, so it would be a moot point.
mspainFemaleSpain2011-08-10 21:45:00
Middle East and North AfricaBest way to travel to see family overseas
My husband is a permanent resident from Morocco. His dad is elderly and has been putting a lot of pressure on him to visit. It's a big sacrifice economically to do any kind of travelling right now, so not only will it just be my husband visiting, but also we want to go with the least expensive way. It's very expensive to travel from where we are to Casablanca- where he will still have to go on to Tangier from there on another flight. As most of you probably know it's relatively cheap to fly into Spain and take a flight. However my husband's Spanish residency card expired in November 2010 (he lived there for several years before he came to the US) and I read that you must have a Schengen visa even if you never leave the airport. I've been doing a lot of research and I found something that looks like a loophole to this rule... http://www.consulfra....php?article658 Has anyone on here ever done this? Can he really travel through France then on to another flight to Tangier? I'd really love to hear your stories about how you travel with your spouse to Morocco because we need to find a way fast. My husband really wants to be there for the end of Ramadan with his dad.
Thanks in advance
mspainFemaleSpain2011-08-10 21:05:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresSkype call logs

Yes, it still shows the call logs as you're still calling the other person. That's how me and my husband used Skype each night, through video chatting.




That's what I'm wondering, because we use Skype allot. Give me that link to this "Skype thingy" again.
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-04-07 13:09:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresSkype call logs

Thanks KG & Saylin...I finally managed to print something out and it has been sent !!! one of the two programs, just would not work for me, but at the end, I think it will be ok. :)



I know I'm getting in the game late, but what if you use Skype video chat (no phone calls made through Skype, but just talking through video chat through the internet?), does this program does something with the call logs (what ever you might call this portion of Skype communication?? Because this is how my lady friend and I talk most of the time.
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-04-04 20:49:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions

When she reads this, you're dead, I'm pretty sure of that! :no: Kidding!

Anyhow, good luck and hope all goes well!



I'm her entertainment on a rainy day :dance:
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-29 08:05:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions

Hi,

I hope this trick will help address your confusion. Remember, you are the petitioner, your relative is the beneficiary.

1. Petitioning for your wife: When reading out the questions about the relative/alien relative, read it out by replacing relative/alien relative with "wife".

Example for 17C: List husband/wife and children of your relative --> This means "List husband and children of your wife" --> of which you write down your name (because you are the husband of the relative being petitioned) and the names of your wife's children

2. Petitioning for your stepson: When reading out the questions about the relative/alien relative, read it out by replacing relative/alien relative with "stepson".

Example for 17C: List husband/wife and children of your relative --> This means "List husband/wife and children of your stepson" --> of which you write down NONE if your stepson is not yet married and has no children. I am assuming he is not married and has no kids yet because he is only 15 years old, right?

Lastly, always listen to your wife's instructions. Just kidding! I'm being biased :D

Good luck!


I listen to her while I bow down at her feet begging "please, don't hurt me" (laughing). Never, NEVER argue with a woman !!!! Specially a female lawyer. I tell guys there's two very important things to remember when dealing with wives. 1) when she's getting snippy at you? Just say "yes dear" as you slowly walk backwards trying to find a door to get out, BUT, DO NOT LOOK HER IN THE EYES WHILE YOU DO THIS !! 2) if she's looking at herself in a full length mirror and she asks you "does my butt look big?" DON'T ANSWER IT !!! It's a trick question that has no answer that will work !!! It's best to not let her know your in the house if she's in front a mirror. Sneak out as soon as possible !!!! (Laughing). :rofl:

Yes. Each petition must stand alone, if separated. Yes, definitely provide a photocopy of the marriage certificate and translation, if applicable with each petition. The original marriage certificate and translation will go in at the NVC stage, not now.



Thank you

Chad
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-29 07:23:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions
Okay, I understand this part now (17 C). Now for the next question that just got thrown in by my wife just morning. Right now, she's on her end getting all her paperwork needed. Her question she wanted me to ask VJ'ers is "Do we have submit copies for every pitition?" For example, our marriage certificate? Does she make two official copies with translations for every pitition?

Chad
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-29 07:12:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions

First, you must understand YOU are the petitioner. On each petitioner, the beneficiary is YOUR alien relative. Your wife has a husband, YOU and a son. Your stepson has no spouse or children, so answer none. If you were filing for your mother, her husband would be (hypothetically) your father and YOU would be your mother's son. Get it?






This is incorrect. Assuming the stepson is unmarried, the answer for 17C on the petition for him will be "NONE" as he has no spouse or children.



See how confusing this thing can be??? :rofl:

Okay, let's see if we all can get on the same page.

Petition "A" is for my wife.
Line 17 C asked "list husband/wife and all children of your relative" I assuming its asking for my wife's name, our daughter and her son (which her son is 13 years old). Where it says "relationship"? I also assuming its asking how there all related to me (example: her name, relationship? Wife, date of birth xx/xx/xxxx, country of birth: Belarus) stepsons name, stepson, xx/xx/xxxx, Belarus. Our daughters name, my daughter, xx/xx/xxxx, Belarus. Would this be right they way I show it in this message?

That's how I'm assuming there asking on this I-130. Petition "B" is going to be for my stepson. So, how would I do this on line 17 C? Just him in line 17 C?

Chad
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-28 22:58:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions

The names that will go there are yours, your wife's, his biological father's name (if known), and any siblings he may have.


Thank you very much. :thumbs:

Chad
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-28 19:09:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions
I know I have to do a pitition for each my wife and my stepson. What confuses me is that for one, line 17 C what there asking for. Ok, now after asking y'all, I know what to do. Now, when I do the pitition for my stepson, what would I put in line 17 C ? It's not hitting me yet as what to do. Maybe it will click when my wife throws another crack shot at me (laughing). I'm never was the person to do paperwork like this, and my brain shorts out on stuff like this as important as it is, I DO NOT WANT TO MESS THIS UP. :wacko:

There's one other thing that I hope want confused the people who looks at the petition, over here in the states, we have three names. Over there, they just use two. After we married, I just told her to add my last name to her last name and she put a " - " between her last name and mine. I suggested this because she's a lawyer over there and it would be easier for her (or others from her country) to recognize she's still the same person (as best I can explain what I'm trying to say). Well, she also told me she uses her dad's family name at times. So, I'm wondering if all those names will confuse the heck out of the people that looks through these petitions. :rofl:

Chad
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-28 12:40:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions

Wrong, the "relationship" is to her.




Yes, you must file a separate petition for your stepson. However, you can only do so if you married your wife prior to his 18th birthday.


He just turned 13, so we're ok there. I kinda wish they give details (extream details) on how to answer them apps for people like me with A.D.H.D. (Laughing). :blink:
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-27 21:50:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions

She is correct, you list yourself, your daughter, her and son.


Damn, she wins another one (laughing). So, on that line I put me, my stepson and our daughter and the "relationship" to me, right? And as far as the putting last name first, I can just put first, middle and last? Those little tidbits confussed me. I want to make sure we get it right the first time.

So, this pitition I'm doing is for my wife,, then I have to do a seprate pitition on my stepson, right? We already did the paperwork on our daughter and she already has her US passport, so we don't have to do a pitition for her.

Chad
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-27 19:40:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 petition questions
I'm starting the process of filling out the I-130. There's a few questions that seems strait forwards, but not to me (lol)

On line 17 section C
What exactly they want to know? My wife says just put me, our daughter and her son (and there relationship to each other), but I think there asking to put her, our daughter and my stepson and there relationship between me and them. Which is right? Her or me?

When I type in our names, should I start with our last names first through out the app? Or ? Also, if I type our last names first, should I put a comma to separate our last names from the rest? (Example: last name> xxxxxxxx, first name> xxxx middle name> xxxx).

When I put her LONG DANG phone number on line on line 19, I put it as it is on my phone with the + and - and ( ). It does not show the whole numer as it would be seen as a whole unless you scroll side ways to see it whole. Is this ok? I tried two deferent ways and its always the same.

More questions as they come up.

Chad
Aviator56hMaleBelarus2012-10-27 12:51:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresAnyone Touched 7/24 ?
I've noticed that several of the approvals for NOA2 were on 7/24. I was touched on 7/24 too.......but no change of status. Just wondering if anyone else has the same experience?
one2zeeNot TellingChina2006-07-25 17:46:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresAPPROVED !!!
Received approval via email this morning. :dance: Email was sent overnight.

NOA 1 - May 5

NOA2 - September 11

Last Touch - July 28

129 Days

For anyone that may be wondering. I checked yes on the IMBRA RFE on the question about meeting on a "marriage broker" site on the internet. ZhangBei and I met on Match.com which I personally do not consider to be a "marriage broker" web site. I only did this because in my cover letter I had mentioned that we met on the internet and didn't want to take a chance on generating another RFE. The point being, checking yes to this question did not seem to cause any problems with an approval.

Anyway......on to the next part of the journey!

Best of Luck to everyone here who is still waiting. Hang on .......your time will come soon.

Chuck
one2zeeNot TellingChina2006-09-12 17:42:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresImmigration Lawyer


If your not already married since your talking about a wedding this year in May. You can just apply for a Fiance visa thats the fastest way to prevent separation any longer then needed.

Yeah we thought about that option, but decided on getting married in the UK instead. He's already got his marriage visa, and we gave notice of marriage in January. Everything is booked for the wedding in May, and friends and family have booked their flights, so we are going ahead with it over here now.

I would apply for everything myself following the guides etc, but Jason would prefer to get a lawyer to sort things out for us.....we both seem to be very unlucky in everything we do, so we are going to leave it to the "professionals" lol

Andrea


andie&jase

I did not use an attorney, I used Immigrant's Services out of Memphis TN. They can fill out all the forms for you. This will not speed up the process but they know what they are doing. I think my total bill with them was less than $500. I had them do the papers for the CR1.

Immigrant's Services
Phone- 901-683-9905
Address: 836 Virginia Run Cove
Memphis, TN. 38122
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-03 15:23:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce


Not to sound like amateur psychiatry hour but you might want to read up on the possibility of her having bipolar disorder. It sounds like she has some of the symptoms (spending issues, taking off with strangers, depression, etc.).



I agree. I lived with someone who had bipolar disorder. When she was in her mania, she would spend crazy amounts of money and invite total strangers over to the house. I attend support meetings for my depression with a group called DRADA. There are several bipolar members and all of them have been hospitalized at some point in their life. As out there as that may sound, it's the thing some people need to put the brakes on an out of control situation and get going on the right track. Until then, she more than likely is a danger to herself, you, and most importantly, the children. To those people who just assume she doesn't love/care about them...let me tell you, a mental disorder can cause you to do many things uncharacteristic of a loving/caring person, but that does not reflect your true feelings or intentions. I don't think he's crazy to want to stay with her and work things out-actually you may be the best thing to ever happen to her. By the way, something such as a move is a traumatic life experience that can certainly trigger what I call "episodes"...when the mental illness manifests itself.


Thanks for your reply MissLiss

I have been reading about many types of depression. My thoughts are bi-polar, I read about the smptoms, my I wrote down several that fit my wife.

On this site I've explained many things that I think or see happening. Its great to have feeback from everyone, it really helps me to desiminate the problems.

I spoke to someone today that has been through the post-pardum. She told me it was very difficult for her and her family. I explained some of what my wife does and she said it could be post-pardum or bi-polar. She also advised against my wife taking Prozac.

Yesterday evening my wife was doing really well. I was talking to her and she said she is trying very hard to make everything work but that sometimes she cannot control what she is doing. As far as where we live, that has been discussed. We both agree we want to be closer to the city but it will take at least 1 year before we can make that move. We also talked about renting a home in town but she would prefer to buy, that makes it a little more difficult being that we just purchased our home in September 2005. I told her I had no problem moving back to Memphis or staying here. The only problem is I have 2 government contracts that will not expire for another year. Also in Memphis I will lose about 40k a year and it does cost quite a bit more to live there. If we can save enough for the next 1-2 years, possibly pay cash for a small home then I would not worry about it so much. I feel like I'm looking out for the best interests of my family by planning ahead. I never have been one to jump right into something without thinking about it 1st. I was 32 years old when I met and married my wife, this is my 1st time being married.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-15 14:32:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce

I honestly don't know what to say, Pittman...and only you have the answers to this whole mess. But I have to ask you: how would you feel had you not been able to locate her and the children? You got off very lucky this time. And if you are seriously questioning her sanity, how can you in good conscience keep her close to your son?



I will take everything 1 day at a time.

As for knowing where she may go, I have the address and phone numbers of all her relatives and friends in the states and in Mexico. This information has been put on file at my attorney's office.

With the depression problems she will not be alone with any of the children until I or the doctor feels she is better. I take them everywhere with me, to school, family. I have had a meeting with my wife's company and my daughter's school. If my wife goes to the school to check my daughter out or pick her up then I or another family member will receive a phone call. Her employer is very concerned about my wife's depression and said they will let me know anytime something is strange. I let my wife know all of this, I'm not doing this behind her back. I told her that we needed this until she gets better, she somewhat agreed.
It is going to take awhile for me to trust her alone with the kid's.

I know there is always a possibility that she can run again but I'm well prepared this time.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-14 15:00:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce
Hi Everyone

Here is an update of the situation.

It has been a very interesting week and weekend. This past Wednesday, Feb.8th my wife came home from work. I asked how her day was, she smiled and said good. Later that evening her mood went from good to bad, she started complaining about everything for about 20 minutes then she was in a good mood again. Well the next morning we got up, getting ready to go to work. She said she was staying home with our son because he was sick and that she would take our daughter to school. Well dummy me I said Okay see you this afternoon. I went to the office and her company called me at 8am. They said is your wife ok, at this time they did not know she was not at work. Well I said what do you mean? They said she was crying at work yesterday, I said shew seemed fine. I told them she would not be coming in that day due to our son being sick. She neglected to call them. They in turn called her at home then called me back to tell me everything was ok. I left it at that, went to a couple of meetings and then to lunch. When I returned from lunch I tried calling my wife at home, cell and no answers. I tried at least 6 times within 1.5 hours. I then called my daughters school, she never went to school. Well I then went to my home and found a note, you know (Toby Keith's) Big Blue Note she and the kids were gone to Memphis, sorry claus. I let my family know and Friday I gave an attorney 1500 to start an emergency custody filing for my son. I gave him the address she was at and Monday was supposed to be the day the papers would be given to her by the police.

By Friday evening my wife called me, she said she was confused, did not know why she left. She wanted to know if I would take her back, if I can trust her again. I told her to make sure she really wanted to come back and to let me know Saturday morning. I called her Saturday and she said please come get us, so I did.
We talked about her actions and her depression. Yesterday I took her to a doctor, he spoke with her for almost 2 hours, I was with her the whole time. There was really no negatives about me coming from her. She explained many things to him that she had not spoken to me about. Things that she did in Mexico like hitting her daughter and not knowing why she did it. The doctor said she is suffering partly from poatpardun psychosis along with being stressed about moving here having no hispanics close to her. He prescibed Prozac and Xanex to try and help her.

I think she has some serious mental issues right now.

Would a sain person do this?

None of her family helped her get to Memphis, she just showed up. They were mad and told her she should be with her husband.

She went to Memphis with a couple that she met in Walmart last week. That is very stupid, she risked her life and the lives of our children by riding 400 miles in a vehicle with someone she met in Walmart.

I guess thats all I have for now, will being trying the medication, if that does not work then we will probably be done. This has put a severe strain on all of my and her family.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-14 13:39:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce

Does your family speak or understand Spanish? How 'bout you? And your wife and her family presently here in the states; do they speak or understand English? How did you two get along and understand each other during your dating days? Did you have many problems and disagreements back then? If so; are they still the same now or different than before? Did she pressure you into marriage? Were you truly ready for it? Once married; did she pressure you into doing the USCIS' paperwork for her asap?

According to your original post pittman, you recognize the very 1st red flag in your relationship and eventual marriage perhaps being sketchy from the very beginning, by acknowledging that as soon as your now wife asked you about "US citizenship" and "marriage" while you were still dating, her offering you $2,000 to marry her right afterwards did not only bothered you greatly, it also made you feel uneasy and apparently hurt you so much to the point of you breaking up with her for a month with no contact whatsover, in order to get your point accross. From what I gathered reading your post, marrying someone out of convenience and/or for money instead of for true love goes against your morals, values, beliefs and convictions. Even though you strongly opposed her proposal and didn't agree with it, you still went ahead and married her 8 mos. later anyway.

We as humans tend to block and neither want to see, nor in the grand scheme of things acknowledge and accept obvious things, when blindly in-love.

I highly doubt your parents will be able to either read your wife or her family. Of all the people in the world, I would consider your parents the last and least ones they would talk about, much less raise a possible red flag with in regards to any hidden agendas they "may" have. Making a good impression to try winning them over is what I think they'd try to accomplish instead. I'm pretty sure they by now know you've mentioned your wife's and her family's suspicions to your parents. If they do accomplish winning them over whether ulterior motives exist or not, they will get away with whatever it is they "may" have in mind.

I think that you getting everything off your chest by posting here, then re-reading and analyzing your posts over and over again has made you see things from a different perspective.

If that's the case, then you need to not only continue looking over your posts, but more than anything at her words and actions, instead of leaving it all up for your parents to figure out. Although they might see and/or perceive things differently than you (b/c in reality, parents always know and want what's best for you, since you will always be their baby son), at the end of each day, it is still you living and going to bed with your wife, not them. Before you got married; did they warn or advice you to possibly "be careful" of her motives all along, or did they just let you "do your own thing" w/o getting involved much? What kind of marriage was it? Court or church, with both families present?

On your last post before the above one, you seemed pretty confident and sure things were going to finally work out between the two of you in erasing whatever bad intention(s) you think she has with you. It looked as if things had finally been settled, when you two reached the agreement of positively working on your marriage, going as far as attending marriage counseling sessions in order to succeed. The fact it was coming from her was more convincing, since all along it had been you instead wanting to salvage your marriage.

But, here you are, wary of and doubting your wife's intention(s) all over again, over a couple of disagreements and conversations you've both had in the last three days.

Apparently she's said and/or done things since then that have made you suspicious and not trust her again whatsoever. What have those disagreements been, just out of curiosity? What has she said and done lately that has you feeling like this all over again? Remember, actions always speak louder than words, although heeding and paying attention to them is never a bad thing.

If you can't seem to trust your wife any longer, believe you me, it will be very hard for you to overcome your suspicions and/or fears at this point and you will continue to be and stay on your guard. Seems to me like you're now trying to buy time in order to figure her out and really get to know her, when this should've been done for a while and way before marrying. On the other hand, she might also be doing the same thing, trying to buy time either to get to know you better, or get what she wants (i.e. the green card).

Now let's play devil's advocate for a moment instead. Maybe what she needs in order to feel good and assimilate to life here in the states, is have her family from Memphis visit her in LA every now and then and vice-versa. If this is the case, now that she's working she should be able to at least pay for her and/or her family's travel expenses as well back and forth, if necessary.

You will never find out the truth, but again, it is up to you to decide at this point if you want to continue living in doubt or not. If you want to see if the marriage is "bona fide" or not.

At least from you, I know it is.

I feel for you, since I've been in your shoes before (trust and real intention(s) issues). In my case, my Argentinian ex-wife DID marry me fraudulently. Thank God she's gone and didn't get a green card through me though.


Thanks for your post, I read all posts over and over.

This past weekend everything went well sort of. My parents were not the family that came over. My cousins, her husband and brothers came. We had a great time, my wife's brothers had a great time with us also but my wife did'nt hardly speak to my family or me. That was on Saturday. My suspisions are very on high alert, I do not trust her right now. Now what I'm about to tell you is really ignorance on her part. I did not say dumb or stupid but ignorant. Saturday morning 7:30 a.m my cousin Sheila calls to see how we were doing, I said good. I told her my brother-in-laws did not come in last night but to come on over for the cook-out. Well as soon as I hung up the phone I told my wife to call her brothers to make sure they are OK because we were expecting them 10pm Friday night. Her response was your lying to me. I'm like what do you mean. She said you told your cousin my brothers were here and your telling me they are not. Okay #1 why is she listening to my phone conversation. She did'nt hear the entire conversation, by the way my wife and her brothers do speak and understand english well. I told her I didn't understand what she was talking about. I said what does it matter if I did tell Sheila whether my brother-in-laws are here or not. Well a few minutes later I went to the living room and there they were, they came in at 11pm when we were in bed My wife would not speak to me. I got her into the kitchen and tried to make since of what was going through her head. She said you lied to me just like last Monday when you said you would take legal action against me and my family if I leave with your son. Well that conversation has been through my mind a million times already.

Anyway Saturday turned out to be a great day, I asked her brothers if they would consider moving here to be close to Claudia. One brother said yes because he lives in Vicksburg MS and no family with him. My wife seemed pretty happy about that. I really hope if he does move here it will help her. I know she needs her family to.

Saturday night about 930pm my wife made me a little mad. I was helping her clean the kitchen floor, I told her how much I appreciated her helping with cleaning up during the party. She would not look at me or answer me, 3 times I said this. Her brother then said something to her and she answered him, thats when I got mad. I did not say anything to her, I did not want an argument. I left her alone the rest of the night. At this point I really feel she is staying is because I told her what legal action I would take to keep my son, I hope I'm wrong.

Here is another disagreement we had Friday. We were on our way to a restaurant, I told her I got my check and paid all the bills. I asked her to pay the 45 dollars she charged to my mom's Chevron card when the bill comes in next month. She got mad and said what else to you want me to pay. Well I did not get mad but thought wow how selfish of her. She does not want to put our money in the same account and does not want to help pay bills. I don't have any problem paying the bills but it would be nice to have a wife that is concerned about how the bills get paid. As of now the bills that I pay are $2370 per month before fuel, entertainment or medical costs. Now I told her all I wanted her to pay was her van note $236.5, van insurance $50 and her fuel. Thats not asking much is it? I thought when people get married then you are like one person, not in my marriage. I should have seen this coming. Oh by the way I gave in and told her I would pay the Chevron charge she made. I really want our marriage to work but its not looking good.
Actualy yesterday I was kind of hopeing she would leave with her brothers but she stayed.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-06 12:34:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce


lol - guys, you two are lovely and wise people - don't you worry about jumping to conclusions, because you know what? You only had a certain amount of info to go by and did so in a respectful and kind manner :) (F) (F) (I am thinking of certain people here who can be REALLY abrupt and unkind, and you two aint them :) )


Thanks for the kind words JayJay, but sometimes I need a good slap upside the head & remind me that I don't know the full story!

I can be pretty opinionated at times :o :lol: But trying to judge a whole marriage based on just a full posts is kinda ignorant of me...no matter what it sounds like in my head...so I'ma defer to the OP & hope he knows what he's doing & hope it all works out for the best


Hi again everyone

This weekend will be the real test. Since this past Tuesday everything has been going great except for a couple of disagreements. Today her brother and cousin are coming in from Memphis. I just hope that she is not being good to me just to make me blind as to what she may do. Will she go or stay?, we shall see. My family will be over tommorow while they are here. I will be grilling outside while they try to read whats going on. I'm sorry but I really don't trust my wife at this point. That was part of our disagreements this week. This week she has shown me the love and attention like when we 1st married, I'm happy with that. The problem is I'm a little parenoid at this point, I do not fear her or her family but worry for my son.

Thanks again for all of your posts.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-03 09:23:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce

Aha dawnnhatem! I was about to say the same kind of thing there!

Thing is this: while it's really, really easy to jump to conclusions over some people's actions, the truth is that people's actions, whatever they may be are influenced very deeply by the inner workings of their brain.

Sometimes, what might look like a blatant case of using may well not be so. Take for example an imaginary character Mary: Mary has asked her husband for a lot of money in the last few months, then more money again as she abruptly runs out all of a sudden, and then again. What could be going on? Well it's actually quite hard to ascertain...

1) Mary is staying somewhere in a hotel, paying for room and board, food, clothing, nappies etc and taxi rides and bus fares etc for herself and her little baby.

2) Mary has a shopping habit. A really big shopping habit - this happens an awful lot, ya know! It's pretty much an addiction, fueled by boredom, wanting a "place" and "things" for yourself (which would fit in rather well as an alien in the States), as well as other factors like family influence and type of childhood.

There could be tons of other reasons as well, as to why someone would require a lot of money on a monthly basis. One really cannot jump to a conclusion about that...

Ok - now onto the $2000 she offered you to marry her. Now I may be taking a giant leap here but there MUST have been a good reason for her to get out of Mexico and come to America. Why was that? What was she running away from there? Paying someone $2000 is a LOT of money to leave a place... And if she DID come here to escape something, does that necessarily mean that she doesn't love you? I don't think it's that clear cut, and I do think that saying it is would be really damaging - you can never, ever know exactly what's in someone's heart, especially not when they're as stressed out as your wife sounds, and in such an awkward situation.

It's NOT easy adjusting. Not easy at all...cultural differences come and hit you smack in the mouth when you least expect them to. I've found myself overwhelmed and feeling like a little kid on more than one occasion. My husband was riddled with guilt for keeping me here, became stressed and simultaneously wanted to fix things. We stopped smiling, laughing, cuddling and feeling close - even talking for a while, while this was going on. It felt for a little bit, like we were strangers. Do we love each other? Absolutely! Were we scared? Yes. Were we silly and childish sometimes in the ways that we acted that stress out? Yes. Did we want to be together? More than anything.

I would seriously suggest some counselling for you two - you know, you can have that not only with a therapist but also online, and obviously at a church as well. I also have a book recommendation for you which I honestly think BOTH of you should read that you can find here:

"Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved by You?"

It's by two married...marriage counsellors and is the best book on learning to communicate and understand another person, that I've ever read. Give that a shot - you will be pleasantly surprised, I guarantee it.

Here's the thing: she's agreed to go to counselling with you. That's a good thing. You want this, so what the hey - go after it. If you DO NOT go after this, you will regret it - whether or not she's "using you". That's the funny thing about life.

Nobody ever said marriage would be simple. Two people need to listen - really LISTEN to each other and accept what the other feels - whether it be about raising children, or moving to Memphis. You need to feel loved, she needs to feel loved and BOTH of you need to feel that your values, opinions and beliefs about all things are taken into account, thought about and considered by the other person. When your emotions STOP affecting her, and vice-versa, you've hit a stumbling block that should be deal with.

People are complex things: communication doesn't always come at the drop of a hat - if you have perfect communication in your marriage than lucky, lucky you - a lot of people around are dragging remnants of childhood, fears, insecurities, secrets and lies around like bits of concrete on chains from their feet. Communication can be hard, but here's the thing:- she's not "emotionless" or "cold" or "evil" - she has her reasons for doing everything, and if she's wanting to really talk to you, here's your chance to help her out for real - by listening, understanding and healing, you're in with a real shot of finding out why she's been so scared of being close to you these last few months, and I very much hope that you two can find the friendship and intimate love you once shared, on an even deeper level once again :) (F) (F) (F)



JayJay

I believe you hit it right on the money. The last 2 days since she has started her job we have grown closer and communicating better. Its almost like when we were 1st married. I hope our marrieage keeps improving.

Thanks for your post
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-01 10:02:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce
dawnnhatem

You have a good point, I have already considered that. My wife also lived in Louisiana a short time before going back to Mexico. She liked it here then. At that time she only had 1 cousin in Memphis that she never saw. When we discussed living and raising our children here she was excited because of my family and people in the area. In the last couple of days we have discussed moving into the city here or possibly Memphis if we can find good employment. Monday she started work at her 1st job here in LA. Everyday seems to be getting better, this morning she could not say enough good things about her job and the people she works with. She is finally meeting new people other than the people I have introduced her to. I believe that has helped her a lot. I know its a challenge moving from a big city to almost nothing, I did the same thing. The benefit I have had is everybody speaks english when she is not as fluent as most. I have introduced her to several hispanic people in the area and she sometimes speaks to them. When we lived in Memphis she was not always happy either, she never had friends or family come see her. Her motto was if they cannot come see me then I will not go to them. I do not aggree with that because her friends have children and its not always easy to go places with little ones. When we lived in memphis her daughter was in Mexico and our son was not born yet, so it was much easier for us to go about. In our discussions the biggest stresses for her have been learning to take care of the children by herself. Her family in mexico took care of her daughter all her life and when my son was born the same. This is the 1st time only her. Another thing she does not like to stay home all day, can't blame her there, it can get boring. I can see a definate change in her since she started working, she works 7a-4p M-F less than 2 miles from my office. in Memphis she would have to work 3rd shift as is normal for someone starting out. That would take a lot of time away from the family.

This morning she said she wished her brothers could move here from Memphis. There has always been an open invitation at our home if they want to do that. I reassured her of that this morning.

We have also decided to see a doctor and marriage counseler to see if we can hash out our problems. I know I'm not perfect but who is. The doctor will be checking her thyroids and depression problems. She has always had a problem with depression and anxiaty in Memphis, mexico and here in Louisiana. I've seen 1st hand, she is happy one minute then can go into a rage the next or just sit there and stare. I've noticed that she seems to have memory lapses, things she or I had done like 2 days ago she does not remember. I find that quite strange, thats why I want her to see a doctor. I can not diagnose because I am not a doctor. I can only see whats happening.

As far as if she still wants to leave then I will still have to stay here. It is impossible for me to move now. I have a government contract to fulfill, home to pay for. If I do not fulfill my contract I can be sued and then not beable to receive any more contracts. Its not always as easy as it seems to jump up and move. Please remember these decisions to live here, buy a home, take this contract were both mine and my wife's decision. As we are adults we have a reponsibility to stand by our word. Who knows even if we did go to memphis now would she then say I want to move too California where more of her family lives. We cannot keep uprooting everytime she is unhappy. That would lead to a very unstable life for our children. I know this because my mother moved our family at least 6 times when I was a child. We moved from Memphis to Houston to Louisiana then we reversed that process again except we did not go back to Memphis. I want stability for my family.


Thanks everyone for your posts. I am still keeping my guard up justm in case things change, but I'm hoping for the best.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-02-01 09:49:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce
I spoke to my wife for awhile last night about her intentions. I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me to try and work things out. She said she would do that. Her complaints are we live to far from the city, 29 miles. She said when she is upset with me she has no one here to talk to, I can simpithize but she knew that before she came here. I also told her that love should overcome any ostactle in front of us. If she truly loves me as she has said then we can work through this. On the other hand if she has truly married me in fraud then it will not work. I'm kind of on the fence about that, probably because I love her and the kids with all my heart. Its so much easier for us to be looking in from the other side when its not your heart on the line. I'm not saying thats a bad thing its actually helped me look at the big picture more clearly.

I think I gave her a scare yesterday because I asked her how she was going to explain to her daughter why her brother was not coming with them. I informed her that my son cannot leave the state of Louisiana, and if she does I will take legal action. I'm not a vindictive person but I have a son that I want to keep. I will do whatever it takes to do that. I told her if she takes my son to be expecting a police officer and an INS agent at her brother's door in Memphis. Her brother and cousin are illegal. I do not want to do that but my son comes before anyone else. She said I was wrong because she does not want the law or INS involved. I explained there would be no other choice. She would be desserting her husband after only being here for 2 months.

Well anyway today she went to work 2nd day on new job, seems very happy, of course that could be an act.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-01-31 09:41:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresDivorce


Honestly it sounds like she was using you for money from the very beginning. I'm surprised you fell for that. But regardless, you're now going to have to prove that YOU did not enter into this marriage for the purposes of getting her a green card - which may be hard to do given the fact that you declared here that she flat out offered you $ before you ever got married.

You need to get a very very good immigration attorney (not to mention divorce attorney).



Hmmm. If he alleges she married solely for immigration benefit, the onus is on her to disprove. I don't believe the USC has to prove anything other than his suspicion has merit.



Thanks everyone for your replys.

I may sound ignorant but I really want to make this marriage work because I do love her even with all that has happened. I guess love is blind. I am only human and can only put up with so much, when I feel there is no more hope and if she goes then my only choice will be divorce.
pittman1971Not TellingMexico2006-01-30 16:23:00