ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresCopies and Photocopies??
for clarification on Question 1.

If you were asking about a copy of the beneficiary's passport bio page - you will need it for the DS230.

But if you were asking about your copy of US passport to show that you are a US Citizen, yes - you need to submit that with your i130.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-09 01:21:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresCopies and Photocopies??
QUOTE (MumtazG38 @ Jan 8 2009, 07:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
dead.gif sleepy.gif ClockWatch2.gif




smile.gif maybe you should post a new topic for your other questions. smile.gif

Q1. not yet. you will send this with the DS230.

Q2. you should submit one or more of the following types of documentation that may evidence that bona fides of your marriage:Documentation showing joint ownership or property; or A lease showing joint tenancy of a common residence; or
Documentation showing co-mingling of financial resources; or Birth certificate(s) of child(ren) born to you, the petitioner, and your spouse together; or

Affidavits sworn to or affirmed by third parties having personal knowledge of the bona fides of the marital relationship. (Each affidavit must contain the full name and address, date and place of birth of the person making the affidavit, his or her relationship to the petitioner of beneficiary, if any, and complete information and details explaining how the person acquired his or her knowledge of your marriage); or Any other relevant documentation to establish that there is an ongoing marital union.

I believe all these : photos of our wedding, chat logs and phone bills, remittance receipts, and emails are needed for the interview. But maybe you can use it as other relevant documentation to establish an ongoing marital union.

Q3. Yes that would helpful.

Q4. It doesnt matter if you are currently unemployed. As long as when you submit your AOS someone will co-sponsor your husband. (someone should correct me if i am wrong)

Q5. marriage certificates and birth certificates with the I130 should be photocopies only. I didnt see any originals in the instruction. You need the passport pictures though of both of you. and dont forget to fill up the G-325A for both of you too.

Q6 and Q7. I dont know the answers


[/font]

[font="Verdana"]Good Luck!






Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-09 01:12:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresALELUIAAAAAAAA
Congratulations!
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 02:05:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresNVC Packet
by the way, follow the LingChe Shortcut, i learned a lot from them. Thanks.

http://www.visajourn...he_NVC_ShortCut

Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 04:30:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresNVC Packet
If you are currently in the philippines, I will assume that you prefer to received all correspondence there, right? Then the beneficiary should still need to send the Choice of Agent and check " I do not appoint an agent or an attorney to receive mail about my application. Mail from the U.S.Department of State concerning my immigrant visa application should be sent to me at:...Philippine address"

You can either mail or email the choice of agent. Once they have received the choice of agent NVC will generate the IV fee. Which you can also pay online.

Did you pay AOS bill online? if so, you will receive the instruction from that site too. Not choosing an agent will not necessarily delay the petition. The only delay would be the time for NVC to received your documents and vice versa. (USA-PHILS-USA Courier) Although you can send via FedEx, but of course NVC will use regular mail.

But if you will pay everything online, that wouldnt be a problem.

Send the choice of agent so they can generate the IV Fee and since you already paid the AOS fee you can now send the i864 AOS Package as well. Dont forget to make a cover letter - list all the documents that you are sending to NVC.

Once the IV fee is paid, you can then send the DS-230 Package. After that, you just need to wait for your case to be completed. Mine was about 2 months from NO2 to case complete.

Good luck.






Edited by Jonah VD, 10 January 2009 - 04:02 AM.

Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 03:59:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresNVC Packet
Hi! Are you the petitioner or the beneficiary?

The choice of agent should be emailed or mailed to NVC. This is to notify NVC to whom should they send all notifications/letters regarding your case. The beneficiary should sign it.

It is recommended for the beneficiary to choose the petitioner as the agent so that all correspondence will be sent to the petitioner. It is quicker because the petitioner has a US address.



Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 02:02:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresLetter of Employment
My employment certificate simply says "EMPLOYMENT CERTIFICATE" as the title, it was not addressed to anybody - then the details right after.

But of course "To Whom It May Concern" can be used or whatever your company certificate standard layout is - as long as all NVC required information are specified.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 18:40:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 packet..photos...
I had the same scenario. My husband sent me the same set of pictures as yours. I took a chance and I sent the slightly larger one with white background (which is from top of the head to shoulder only - it's suppose to be from head to the middle chest).

I didnt received any RFE about that. But i asked my husband to have his picture taken with NVC standard passport requirement which he will bring to his interview just in case.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 17:06:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresChoice of Agent
It looks like per their record you do have an attorney. Anyways, as stated to their letter, call NVC and inform them that you do not have an attorney. You should ask your wife to fill up the DS3032 "Choice of agent" (signed by her - the beneficiary) and assign you as the agent so you can receive all correspondence.

Edited by Jonah VD, 11 January 2009 - 02:26 AM.

Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-11 02:25:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresName Change question during process of Visa
oops, sorry for the typos. my fingers are faster than my brain. smile.gif
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-12 03:18:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresName Change question during process of Visa
i just changed my name too to my married name during the process of am i-130 petition. I sent a letter to NVC regarding my new name with my naturalization certificate and they immediately updated their records.

Same here, all IRS forms were under my maiden name while employment certificate and pay stubs are with my new name.

So go ahead and mail your request with a copy of your passport or any other documents to verify your the name change.




Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-12 03:08:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-864A....last 3 pay stubs?
hello!

I sent them 6 months paystubs. i believe i read that in the instruction form. But it is optional.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-13 14:52:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresPhilippines NBI... need help please
hello. if it says "no crimininal records" they really do not put any details at all. so dont worry.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-14 00:02:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresmedical examination
It will not affect her visa. My sister-in-law had it in 1993 and she's here. I'm not sure if she told the doctor though. Will they know? smile.gif
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-13 15:03:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresFilled I-130 for my Wife abroad
I am assuming you filed in Vermont.

I filed in California in Dec 2005 when i was an LPR and until now the priority date is not current. It takes a while. I know how you feel. I was so frustrated back then. So I filed for US Citizenship 90 days before my 5th year so I can upgrade my husbands petition. I believe that's the fastest route. I became a citizen in Sept'08 and now we are almost done with the petition process.

Good luck and dont lose hope.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-13 14:47:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresany February interview dates yet?
WOW! That was fast. smile.gif

Congratulations.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-14 15:30:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresany February interview dates yet?
Hello fellow VJs with February interviews. Have you received your appointment letter yet? I haven't... just wondering.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 18:46:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresany February interview dates yet?
My husband's interview is FEB. 25TH.

YAHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

This is the best day ever. biggrin.gif wink.gif biggrin.gif

Thank you so much to all VJers. One more step and we are all done.

God Bless everyone!



Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-06 15:03:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresany February interview dates yet?
i'm also waiting. sad.gif

Please keep me posted.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-05 16:20:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresAffidavit of Support - income question
what's important is your current income. i didnt make much in 2005 either and yet everything turned out okay. i sent my 2005, 2006 and 2007 1040A with corresponding W2s plus 6 months pay stubs and employment certificate indicating my annual income.

Edited by Jonah VD, 10 January 2009 - 04:58 PM.

Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-10 16:57:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresPreparing for Interview
QUOTE (ynatots @ Jan 13 2009, 06:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonah VD @ Jan 14 2009, 03:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel you. That happened to me two days ago when i was preparing everything for his interview. I saw old pictures and old letters and old smile.gif promises. Love to compile everything for him so he will remember. We've known each other for 14 years and we've been married and yet apart for 6 years. Just like what you've said we've been married for 6 years and yet it feels like it's just about to start. When friends and family ask me about his petition, I always say "I will finally be married".

I hope everything will go well to your interview. Good luck and be very happy.



Hi Jonah VD,

well i thought i have the worst situation here. How were you able to keep the marriage going for 6 years, being apart? I could not imagine myself being married for 6 years in a long distance relationship! But I'm glad to see that you will be having your interview soon and you will be with him already. Good luck and i know that this is going to be a great year for all of us!!!



Maintaining a 6 years long distance relationship is very hard, the hardest thing that you could imagine. So many trials, so many sacrifices and yet we remained strong. There were times that both of us almost gave up. We love to plan ahead but the visa process and the long wait killed our hope to be together. But just like ryandgracey, we reminisce to get back on track. Going back in time made us realize why we married each other. God is great, it always happen that when I’m weak my husband remains strong and so as I. Like I said it's the friendship we had and of course our son that kept us together.



We talk a lot, although most of the time we run out of things to talk about. Especially my life here in the US is somewhat boring and very routine. I also try to visit him almost every year and stayed for a month or two. This made him feel secured that I do want to be with him and I love him.



Oh well our visa journey will be over soon but our married life will just about to start. It is scary. smile.gif


Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-14 10:37:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresPreparing for Interview
QUOTE (faryan @ Jan 13 2009, 11:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
heyy, good luck to you! you guys are very strong! i should also start doing the pic pasting soon... just last week my hubby was still here visiting and he brought some old cards and letters i sent him from years back when we are best friends and later when we are a couple.. so sweet that he saved them all, and so good that we can use them for the interview, haha. wink.gif all the best to us ehh? good.gif


That's so nice . My husband and I been best friends too and later became steady. He always say that it's the friendship we had that made our relationship stronger.

Good luck to all of us.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-13 15:28:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresPreparing for Interview
I feel you. That happened to me two days ago when i was preparing everything for his interview. I saw old pictures and old letters and old smile.gif promises. Love to compile everything for him so he will remember. We've known each other for 14 years and we've been married and yet apart for 6 years. Just like what you've said we've been married for 6 years and yet it feels like it's just about to start. When friends and family ask me about his petition, I always say "I will finally be married".

I hope everything will go well to your interview. Good luck and be very happy.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-01-13 14:36:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresNBI Clearance name used.
Yes. You should add this as "other name" to avoid further questions, for they will see it in your NBI clearance.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-02-26 16:28:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresFiling For Spousal Visa at Manila Embassy
You do not need the son's BC for now but it is advisable to fix your wife's name on her son's BC as soon as possible - so she wont have problems when she files i-130 for her son.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-02-26 16:32:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresCR1 Visa and WIC
WIC will not affect it in anyway. You can apply if your income is below 185 percent of the U.S. Poverty Income Guidelines.

I had WIC for my son when i first got here (he was 4 months old then). Even my sister-in-law applied for it when she got pregnant and she barely got here.

I would say go ahead. It will help you a lot. Well at least for your baby's basic needs.
Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-02-26 17:02:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresCFO seminar????
I suggest that you call them. I found this link to CFO website and they have this online registration for Filipino emigrants or those leaving the country to settle permanently abroad who are not originating from the Philippines, but from another country.

http://www.cfo.gov.p...isteronline.htm


Jonah VDFemalePhilippines2009-03-08 03:10:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresunique case - how can i apply?
Hey sallams
I am in the same situation as you
My husband lives in UAE I applied for him after 3months of marriage and then I was living in Abu Dhabi for 6months. I went with K-3 visa route. If your marriage took place in pakistan then your husband will go thru Islamabad embassy. They will be mailing out packets and or Packet 3 at your husband's UAE address. contact me offline if you have further questions. My husband's interview is in 2 days so please for him that everything goes good.

Takecare
look forward to hearing from you
Farah

QUOTE (shabzed @ Aug 23 2007, 11:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi,
ou

My case is unique, so I would love advice on which visa path I should pursue. I plan to sponsor my husband of one year. I was told the IR-1/CR-1 is the fastest route, as compared to the K-3 visa. I am currently living with my husband outside of the US, in the UAE, but I am not eligible to apply directly through the consulate because I do not have 6 months residence in this country. That means I will have to apply directly to the US. My only proof of domicile in the US (as required for the affidavit of support) is that my tax returns have been sent to a US address and I have a US mailing address (the same for the tax returns). Would this be enough to prove domicile?

Also, my husband's country of origin is Pakistan, but we are not living there as he is working in the UAE now. Would we still have to use the Pakistan address for my husband's residence and would he have to interview in Pakistan?

Thanks!



QUOTE (fareash @ Aug 26 2007, 11:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hey sallams
I am in the same situation as you
My husband lives in UAE I applied for him after 3months of marriage and then I was living in Abu Dhabi for 6months. I went with K-3 visa route. If your marriage took place in pakistan then your husband will go thru Islamabad embassy. They will be mailing out packets and or Packet 3 at your husband's UAE address. contact me offline if you have further questions. My husband's interview is in 2 days so please for him that everything goes good.

Takecare
look forward to hearing from you
Farah

come to the Islamabad forum for more support and answers to questions


QUOTE (shabzed @ Aug 23 2007, 11:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi,
ou

My case is unique, so I would love advice on which visa path I should pursue. I plan to sponsor my husband of one year. I was told the IR-1/CR-1 is the fastest route, as compared to the K-3 visa. I am currently living with my husband outside of the US, in the UAE, but I am not eligible to apply directly through the consulate because I do not have 6 months residence in this country. That means I will have to apply directly to the US. My only proof of domicile in the US (as required for the affidavit of support) is that my tax returns have been sent to a US address and I have a US mailing address (the same for the tax returns). Would this be enough to prove domicile?

Also, my husband's country of origin is Pakistan, but we are not living there as he is working in the UAE now. Would we still have to use the Pakistan address for my husband's residence and would he have to interview in Pakistan?

Thanks!


fareashFemalePakistan2007-08-26 02:08:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresApproved 13 Days After NOA1!!!!!!
QUOTE (ToAliwithLove @ Mar 24 2009, 08:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We are approved.............We filed March 3, 2009, received NOA1 March 11, 2009 and NOA2 March 24, 2009 at 8:30pm by email. The USCIS website is current with our status. THANK YOU JESUS! May good bless everyone in this Forum............................... kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif

yeah man... sent my stuff out on feb. 26 and i got my NOA2 today... friggin crazy... not sure what it means, but im happy.
LetsGoMetsMaleJapan2009-03-25 21:27:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedurescan a cr1 visa be denied because of debt!!!
QUOTE (Paris Heart @ Apr 18 2009, 12:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (limarata @ Apr 18 2009, 02:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
hello everybody, I`m new at this but hopefully u guys can share some thoughts!! Can a cr1 visa be denied because of a $10.000 dollars debt I have back in the states....I`m the petitioner and i currently live abroad with my husband, on january we had our final interview and our case was put into administrative process!!! just yesterday we received a call from the embassy stating that the process was over.....now we are thinking that the visa could get denied since the case was in AP the first time and now they had time to check collection agencies!!! Do they check credit reports or can debt be one of the reasons to get a visa denial....honestly we are worried about this....any thoughts!!!! thank you.


I do not think they can deny cause of debts. That is why at NVC stage you have to provied proof you can support the beneficiary. And you were granted interview, so I think your okay there. AP was probely further name checks.
When embassy said AP was over, didnt they state if visa was approved or not?
By the way they dont check collection agencies, your S.S.# is how creidt is checked thru the 3 major credit bureas in U.S.
Good luck


Yeah.. Credit and debt don't have anything to do with it... They just want to see that you have enough money coming in (income) or you are financially secured (if not working).
LetsGoMetsMaleJapan2009-04-18 14:55:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresJust got NVC stuff
QUOTE (no_where_man @ Apr 18 2009, 01:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (LetsGoMets @ Apr 18 2009, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (no_where_man @ Apr 18 2009, 01:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (LetsGoMets @ Apr 18 2009, 03:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Cool... Moving along... It seems.

I paid the AOS fee online, just a few minutes ago. The package I got included a DS-3032 form, which the wife will have to complete and send in... But I didn't get anything with a I-864.

Is that something that will come later?


Thanks

as long as u paid the AOS ..wait till it show PAID online
then print that cover sheet to show ur payment
include it in the AOS package that u prepared (I-864...pay stubs ...tax transcriptes for last recent 3 years OR (tax returns +W2 for the last 3 years )...employment letter show ur title and the day u were hired
..and send it at once to NVC ...JUST WAIT TILL IT SHOW PAID
u can read guides above abot NVC process
no need to wait for papers from NVC ...
Good Luck
Good Luck


Get info, sir... Thanks!

So.. If I check the site Tuesday, it should show PAID...

Then print out I-864 stuff...
-Fill out the I-864 form
-Put together a package with my last three tax returns (I don't know if I can find ALL of my 1099's/W2's)
-A letter from my current employer saying I started at such and such and this my title (Just from one of my bosses?)
-Send with receipt saying paid...

And this can be done before my wife sends back the DS3032?

the DS-3032 is not related to the AOS package ..DS-3032 used for the generation of the IV package (the immigration visa )
please read here to get all wht u wana know and be sure of ur steps
http://www.visajourn...he_NVC_ShortCut
good Luck

Thanks... Good looking out

LetsGoMetsMaleJapan2009-04-18 15:53:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresJust got NVC stuff
QUOTE (no_where_man @ Apr 18 2009, 01:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (LetsGoMets @ Apr 18 2009, 03:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Cool... Moving along... It seems.

I paid the AOS fee online, just a few minutes ago. The package I got included a DS-3032 form, which the wife will have to complete and send in... But I didn't get anything with a I-864.

Is that something that will come later?


Thanks

as long as u paid the AOS ..wait till it show PAID online
then print that cover sheet to show ur payment
include it in the AOS package that u prepared (I-864...pay stubs ...tax transcriptes for last recent 3 years OR (tax returns +W2 for the last 3 years )...employment letter show ur title and the day u were hired
..and send it at once to NVC ...JUST WAIT TILL IT SHOW PAID
u can read guides above abot NVC process
no need to wait for papers from NVC ...
Good Luck
Good Luck


Get info, sir... Thanks!

So.. If I check the site Tuesday, it should show PAID...

Then print out I-864 stuff...
-Fill out the I-864 form
-Put together a package with my last three tax returns (I don't know if I can find ALL of my 1099's/W2's)
-A letter from my current employer saying I started at such and such and this my title (Just from one of my bosses?)
-Send with receipt saying paid...

And this can be done before my wife sends back the DS3032?


LetsGoMetsMaleJapan2009-04-18 15:42:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresJust got NVC stuff
Cool... Moving along... It seems.

I paid the AOS fee online, just a few minutes ago. The package I got included a DS-3032 form, which the wife will have to complete and send in... But I didn't get anything with a I-864.

Is that something that will come later?


Thanks
LetsGoMetsMaleJapan2009-04-18 14:53:00
Middle East and North AfricaAutomatic 2 year wait

If you think that is factual then there's nothing else I can say to you. Fraud is everywhere not just in Morocco and not just because someone is denied by immigration. There are plenty of people denied the first time and their case is not fraudulent and they are not piranaas. "Factual" right....ok :no: :no:

I still don't understand why we're referencing piranhas here and not petitioners.
the mavenFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-08-19 15:37:00
Middle East and North AfricaAutomatic 2 year wait

Yes, the term was "perplexing" to me as well. And the person calling me "emotional." If this is suppose to be a supportive site I would hate to see the one that isn't. You can say, "Hi' and someone will criticize you for being too nice. I did not bring up the word "piranha" the responder to my posting did and I responding by using their words because of them being so cruel.

I re-read this thread twice and the first mention of carnivorous fish comes here:

there are fraudulent piranhas everywhere

The other poster didn't refer to "fraudulent piranhas" but "fraudulent petitioners," if I deduce correctly her intent in that typo.

Also, it's against the TOS to say something like this:

If I'm emotional then you are stupid in your reply...better yet stay off my forum.

Just a heads up.
the mavenFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-08-19 15:22:00
Middle East and North AfricaAutomatic 2 year wait
I thought "peririonera" was just an accidental keyboard mangling of "petitioners." All this talk of piranhas is most perplexing.
the mavenFemaleUnited Kingdom2012-08-19 15:05:00
Middle East and North AfricaMet someone
I'm not a regular poster in MENA, but I've followed it over the years because there are some amazing, strong, cool women who post here, and VJ is kind of not good in other sub-fora for reading posts from such women! I've read what Kat's been through, and even though I've been an observer only, I can't help but opine.

There is never a "right" time to go back to dating. We all have different needs when it comes to healing from a bad, toxic or otherwise poisonous relationship. That could be learning to love ourselves a little more, or concentrating more on family and friends, or learning a new skill, or travelling, or pouring ourselves into work and study.

But the important part is that we come out changed, and can recognise that we have changed, and HOW we have changed. We commit to not going back down old pathways. We see patterns and bad habits and lazy thinking from the past and reject them. We do not expect the future to be any different from the past when it comes to repeating experiences. We break the cycle.

For me, this meant a year before I started dating, and in retrospect, it was still too soon. I too had been starved of the satisfaction of just being touched -- not even sexually, but just touched. (I'm a moderate toucher. Posted Image ) So I accepted male attention to fill this need. I had felt rejected and old (at the grand old age of 36) after my breakup, so that ANY man found me attractive was shocking, let alone as many as apparently did. I made some bad choices because I was lonely. I pretty much only dated men who were unavailable in some way because I wasn't able to commit. Looking back, I needed more time to heal before I went out there again. I am not surprised I was hurt as many times as I was.

Then I met someone a year after I started dating again,someone so unlike any of the men I had dated (or indeed married) before. Someone available in every way -- physically, emotionally, temperamentally. He was honest and funny and at first glance maybe not classically attractive. But everything about him was so amazing that he became the most handsome man in the world to me. We fell in love and every day we spend together is fantastic and full of love and fun. There is ZERO drama. It is not a grand sweeping romance,with people keening because they feel something so, so much. I love him. He loves me. And it is uncomplicated and sweet and very much the truest love I have ever known. It is the sort of love that moves me forward and never pulls me back.

Kat has had way more go down in her life than I did in mine.It may be a sweeping generalisation, but people who have had a LOT of trauma need a LOT more time. Though she says she is "not dating," going outwith someone to eat or whatever four times in a month IS dating unless they have both explicitly said that is not what they are doing. The guy may very well interpret the meetings as dates. And if they are not both on the same page, someone is going to end up getting hurt.

I wish her the best, but the comments that she should just get back out there are myopic and indicative of someone who a) doesn't know the history and b) sees things through a romantic lens to the exclusion of the messy reality of life. We would all on occasion like to be swept away by something as romantic as what they call in the industry a "meet cute." But that's Hollywood. It ain't real life.

I would invoke RuPaul here, since he's amazeballs. "If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else?" If you're using other people to fill in gaps in yourself, it's not likely to end well.

I'll go back to lurking now.


the mavenFemaleUnited Kingdom2013-01-23 17:17:00
Middle East and North AfricaAddressing possible red flags in i-130 -- EGYPT

All I can say is I soooooooo wish I found the love of my life at 18. I found him at 50. Now 54 I am learning all what momma taught me. No matter you are 18, 28, 38 or 108.


I tell the Bearded American that although I wish I had met him sooner, we had to wait until we were both fully cooked. I'm more scrambled than cooked, but whatever.

What I love about being in love as a perigeriatric woman (big birthday this year!) is how lovely and mellow our relationship can be. No drama, no shouting, no wild protestations of love. There is bedrock beneath us, and I don't worry about it shifting. Plus he makes wicked pancakes, and chocolate bars and marshmallows from scratch!

Now I really miss him -- he's in Tennessee this week, burying his mother who passed away unexpectedly. I keep smelling him on me -- John Varvatos Artisan. Posted Image
the mavenFemaleUnited Kingdom2013-02-19 12:58:00
Middle East and North AfricaAddressing possible red flags in i-130 -- EGYPT
Golly. That was... energetic at the end.
the mavenFemaleUnited Kingdom2013-02-18 21:44:00
Middle East and North AfricaAddressing possible red flags in i-130 -- EGYPT

Comme des Garçons reference :wow:


I couldn't get my Chromebook to do the cedille, which was a bummer. :(
the mavenFemaleUnited Kingdom2013-02-18 20:20:00