ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Africa: Sub-SaharanCongratulations Bassi and Zainab
dancin5hr.gif HERCULES ,HERCULES, HERCULES!!!!! Thats great news Congrats
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-24 11:48:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow did you meet your honey?
I am so sorry this is happening to you but things will work out in Gods time. He sees our suffering and wants to help us , he just wants us to know him,ask him and have faith that he will help those believing he will. God is love and his name Jehovah means I will prove to be and he always does prove who he is just when we least expect it. So have faith becuase time and unforseen occurences will always happen but so will Gods promises. rose.gif



QUOTE (Omoba @ Jun 15 2008, 10:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When I saw my honey's profile it intrigued me because I liked his job and jokingly asked him if he wanted to trade jobs with me.
He worked for the UNHCR as a telecom operator for the surrounding refugee camps.
I dreamed to go to Africa as a humanitarian or some kind of aide relief worker.
Well, we became friends and had some talks that developed into more and love blossomed out of our friendship.
About a year later we met face to face and it was awesome. I planned to visit the same time my church organization had a National conference there
and already befriended some people before I arrived.
Here we are, still separated after 3 years.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-15 21:46:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow did you meet your honey?
Your story is not boring at all. It reminds so much of the feelings I experianced. I can sooooo relate to the webcam thing. I was nervous everytime we went on cam. I recall getting up 2 hours early( the time diffrence ) just to get primped to talk on cam. Man those were the days. If it wasnt for my hubby I would have probably never travelled overseas, and to two diffrent countries at that. My visit to meet him in Korea was a little short as well but I was the happiest I have ever been in my life and when I came home it was the saddest time in my life. I remember the walks we had at all hours of the day and night. Korea was so beautiful and peacefull and we could walk everywhere we wanted to go. I also remember the nights we would spend out dancing and drinking soji till I was nothing but giggles. We plan to take a trip back to Korea after he gets home for one of our anniverseries blush.gif I can't wait to relive those memories!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-15 21:35:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow did you meet your honey?
I was remenising about my sweety today and how we first met and I thought it would be somthing fun we could share and discuss here. Since I asked the question I will share first.

I was out of a bad relationship/divorce and was feeling lonely. I didnt want to date again becuase of my children having to go through the divorce so I decided to join a single site and just have fun talking to people. I wasnt looking for anything serious and I actually passed up my husbands photo 3 times before deciding to send him a message. To this day I really dont know what prompted me to message him becuase I just wasnt feeling his photo(sorry babe).

After some time of him not responding, I was like "oh no he didnt" mad.gif so I sent him another message and said "are you going to respond or what"! headbonk.gif I look back now and wonder what cuased me to be so persistent about a profile of a person but for some reason his profile intrigued me and made want to see what he was about. Finally he responded and told me the reason he hadnt responded sooner was becuase he didnt check his mail that often but was sorry and he liked my photo and profile too.( I guess the psycho girl bit didnt scare him off laughing.gif ) We started writing back and forth and I really liked how honest and sincere he was and I began to like him little by little to the point that I actually wanted to maybe meet in person to go on a date but I was soon crushed when he informed me that he lived in South Korea. WHAT! I hadnt asked sooner becuase it wasnt improtant but now I wandered if I should just stop talking to him.I had never met anyone so far away, and how could anything come of this? However after some thought and more talks with him luv.gif I decided that even though I didnt know how it was going to work I couldnt just let it go that easily. I had never been overseas and the thought that I might ever go to meet him never crossed my mind, however our conversations continued and the feelings kept growing until finally one day I realized I was falling for him. We could share everything with one another, we confided everything with each other, even our deepest secrets and feelings we shared. Soon it became apparent to both of us that we had to meet each other but that didnt come as easy as we thought.

I knew I probably couldnt afford to go to Korea but I told him I would try to save the money to fly there but by july of that year I realized it was too difficult so I had to let him know I just couldnt afford it. I decided to tell him to let us just be friends becuase I just felt the distance was too great and we would never see each other but he wasnt going for that. He told me that no matter how long it took he was going to save the money until he had enough to send for me but that was difficult becuase his job only paid him the equivilent of $500 a month. There were some times that we both wandered if we should just give up and there were even a few times we decided to end it but he would always come back a day or two later and say that he just could not forget me like that. There were times we cried together on the phone becuase we didnt think we would ever see each other but we both knew we were in love. But finally a year and 2 months after our first conversation he had saved the money and sent for me and I arrived at 11:00 pm at Incheon airport in Seoul. I could go on and on about that first meeting but I wont. The rest is history.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-15 19:09:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanDisheartened
It is sad and shameful that we as humans do not realize that we are ALL Gods children and offspring from one human couple Adam and Eve. But to be quite honest that is the way the world is and will continue to be until God steps in and changes things. The bible says that the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one and that is soooo evident by the spirit of the world. In the bible it talks of people in these times as having no natural affection,not being open to agreement,without self control,fierce, and without love of goodness. These are the kind of people the Bible fortold we would encounter and we should not be suprised to be disliked, hated, and ridiculed for every and any thing we can think of. I would tell you to get used to it but to be honest no one ever gets used to being mistreated. It hurts. But God has foretold of a time that this kind of thing will no longer be. The world is like it is but it will not be this way for much longer. The bible speaks of a time when there will be no more pain nor outcry and things like this will be a thing of the past, a distant memory!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-24 14:37:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHE'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrats!!!! How exciting! Cant wait to be at the recieveing end of the airport pickup lol.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-06 18:30:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanJust wanted to share
Actually when I read this post I missed the bad parts of the missionaries post. I skimmed through it the first time hence my first response. Reading it more thoroughly this time I had to luagh becuase I wouldnt hop on a plane to see what she described when I can drive or walk to see that in some areas here in the US lol.

Sometimes poeple who have not travelled much may exaggerate the things they see, not out of intent but out of culture shock, exposure beforhand, and maturity. If she grew up in a bad area in the States she might be accustomed to seeing people using the bathroom in the street, on a beach, or for that matter in the hallway of their apartment building(lived in a building like this once lol). But if she never experianced living or being around a slum area here in the States she might tend to exaggerate the things that she sees somewhere else due to sudden exposure and being thrown out of her usuall element.

However everywhere has slums and rotten places that most dont like to go into. We have crack and meth houses, people peeing and pooping in the streets, people doing drugs in the streets, and all kinds of other hot mess. It dosnt suprise me that she may have witnessed the things she said she did becuase there are slums and people that do the unimaginable all over the world. Rain dosnt just fall on one side of the fence lol. She might need just a small reminder of that when she gets home. Either way thanx again for sharing ladies.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-04 00:51:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanJust wanted to share
Ladies these posts make me want to hop on a plane right now. I love to travel and there are so many more places I want visit. Thanx for sharing this with us and letting those of us who have not gotten to visit Liberia get a taste of this country.

Idocare may I ask (if you do not want to share thats ok) What takes you back to Africa? Are you there for work or humanitarian reasons or just for leisure?

Scratch that LOL I just realized this was a friend of your sons. Sorry.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-03 10:10:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow do you Pronounce your name?
4theloveofhenry= tired- of -waiting -on- VSC laughing.gif

4theloveofhenry= tired- of -waiting -on- VSC laughing.gif

4theloveofhenry= tired- of -waiting -on- VSC laughing.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-13 17:41:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUpdate & Questions
Sorry I dont have any answers but just wanted to say how glad I am that everything is going well for you and your husband. Take care.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-11 10:56:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHE IS HERE IN THE U.S. AND THINKS U.S. IS SO BEAUTIFUL
I love to hear these reunion stories. They are so refreshing for those of us still waiting. They give us hope. Thank you for sharing Congradulations on your reunion and upcoming marriage.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-09 15:51:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanYou All Thank you
Congrats on your approval and on your future marriage!

Now as to your question about airfare, I have always used Airlineconsolidater.com but someone in my family swears by Priceline.com where you can name your own price. I have used Priceline for hotels here in the States and usually can get one for half off of the room rate and a few times a tad bit more. However comparing room rates with airfare is like comparing apples to oranges and I have never personally tried to use them for airfare. But give them both a try and see what you can come up with. Take care
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-12 09:15:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOMG!!!! Called to the Embassy!!!!
Great news!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-30 22:53:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHusband Properly Welcomed to California at 11:42 am
Caaaaliforniaaa Loooove!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-30 22:58:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanBeach Party
Better yet, I just found my old Luciano cd.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-03 15:13:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanBeach Party
Thank you for the invite! The beach you will find me on is in St. Lucia. Maybe at Sandals (wishful thinking) or maybe with a sleeping bag on the sand(I am broke too) Anyway I have my amaretta sour sitting next to me and I am ready for this party as well. Do you mind if I turn on some Beres Hammond, or maybe some Shaba ranks?
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-03 14:29:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMaking Changes
Congrats in your wedding!!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-04 14:42:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSari-wearing women may face jail in Nigeria
Laughable is right! This is the dumbest excuse for Nigerian corruption. Lay the blame where it belongs, on the men and women that hold these postitions and their quest for money, power, and status. Pair that with a lack of morals and of conscience and what do you get. Unfortunately this kind of attitude can be seen in all world governments and poeple of power today and there is always someone else to blame.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-06 17:52:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOrlando or Houston
Wow I missed so much on this topic. I have ruled out Pediflorida after reading some unsettling things on a board called citi data. I am not afraid of snakes at all in fact I like Boa's and Pythons. But I do hate spiders wich I assume there are some pretty exotic species in that tropical climate, and I am afraid of gators unless I am wearing them. Anyway thanx again everyone!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-30 23:40:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOrlando or Houston
Wow I am ready to lmove today after that post. Thanx alot LL. Houston sounds like a perfect fit for me and my family. Me and my kids love Reggae and all kinds of diffrent culture and events. I am getting more excited everyday about the prospect of making Houston my new home. I am planning a trip out there next month to check out things so I will have to look you up LL. I hate Cinci/NK area and cannot wait to get out of here. Thanks again for this valuable information.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-28 16:11:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOrlando or Houston
Thank you for this detailed bit on Florida. I really appreciate everyone taking the time out to respond with information and suggestions. I have decided to focus my attentions on Houston becuase of the cost of living and positive feedback from here and some other sites I have researched. Again thanx to everyone.
QUOTE (Kathassane @ Jul 26 2008, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hello, I have lived here in Florida for the past 15 years, I lived in Kissimmee for 12 which is far better than Orlando which is where I have lived for the past 3 years.

The schools in Orlando are awful, my kids are 15 16 17 , they were all A-B honor roll until moving here, its depressing

really there is nothing to do, we call it BOrlando, we've been to the museum that is here, its so touristy and expensive, when my husband gets here we will relocate

I stay here because I have worked for the same company for the past ten years,

there are lots of gangs, its been progressively getting worse, Orlando in some sort of poll, was named the Angriest City In America, pretty damn sad

I can imagine, there is nothing but heat, rain, humidity, work work and more work, if you want to own a house, you really need to have two jobs

and for kids there is nothing to do, Disney but really how often can you do that, its expensive, the city is clean, but downtown there's lots of homeless, its a nightmare, and get this you are not allowed to feed the homeless, imagine that. you have to have a business license to give them food

I've been to Houston my sister has lived there for the past twenty odd years, she loves it, it seems ok, but for me I am from New Jersey, I would rather be back in my home town of Union City or Hoboken, which are both so near Manhattan but less expensive

Good Luck to you

Kathleen

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-27 23:07:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOrlando or Houston
Thanx sooo much ladies for the valuable information. I checked out city data last night and was also shocked to read several post about the sickos in Florida. I would be putting my children at too much risk going there but am pleased to learn about the African community in Houston. Sounds good. Thanx again!!!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-26 09:41:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOrlando or Houston
Thanx alot! I will check that out.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-25 23:07:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOrlando or Houston
I have been wanting to move to a warmer state for some time and now that my lease is about to be up I am considering moving to either Houston TX or Orlando FL. I am writing to find out if there is anyone here that lives or has lived in either of these two cities that could give me an idea of what it is like to live there. I have been to both places but going there as a visitor and living there can be like night and day. I have 3 small children and would like to know if either place is good for raising a family. I believe Houston may be ok for families but Orlando I am unsure about because it is such a tourist town and I have also heard scary stories about the number of pedophiles in Orlando. I am not sure if this is true or if these are just stories but I definately want to find out. I would also like to know what it has been like for those of you whose husbands or wives have immigrated to these cities when it comes time to finding employment. The area I live in now (small Kentucky city) suprisingly has a lot of African immigrants either living or commuting from Cincinnati Oh to work here and I think it would be really easy for my husband to find a job however outside of work I think he would find it boring and not very easy to make friends and besides I hate this area and really want to move south. So if anyone can give me any info on either of these two cities I would really appreciate it. Thanx in advance
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-25 22:12:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanThe Africa they never show you
All I can say is WOW! Seeing these pictures makes me want to throw a few things in a backpack and hit the road. After reading a book called Nomads of Niger by Carol Beckwith and Marion Van Offelen it has been my dream to go backpacking across Africa but these Photos have really put in me a longing to make my dream happen.

My oldest duaghters father is from Ghana and when I showed her these pictures she fell in love with them. Her father has asked her several times to accompany him on a trip back home but she was always scared to go without me but after seeing these photos I think she may have changed her mind!These pictures and stories are simply breathtaking and a delight to read. You ladies have lit that adventerous spark in me once again! Thank you for sharing!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-11 10:47:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanDear GOD
Jehovah God does not expect excellence in us, in fact he knows we are imperfect humans that require his constant guidance and word. Jesus during his ministry on earth always said he came to teach to the sinners not the rightous becuase he knew we were all sinners in need of our heavenly fathers. That is why he called us sheep without a shepard. God asks us to do the best we can, to follow him and do what he asks of us, and to have faith. Becuase faith without works is dead.

So do not be so hard on yourself. Look to what God requires of us Mathew 28:19. Continue to take in knowledge about his son Jesus Christ, becuase he is the best example of how to truly serve God, and have have faith. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, in fact we all are 2 Timothy 3:1, but Jehovah God sees our struggles and he has told us he will not allow the rightous one to totter Psalms 55:22

PS: I wasnt trying to hijack your thread but I saw you were a bible reader by your post and thought you woud find these scriptures comforting.
QUOTE (Lurking @ Jun 20 2008, 06:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Dear God,



I want to say I am sorry for how I behaved the other day when I posted in a forum. I am under a lot of stress at work, my son’s abusive father is taking me to court and I can’t afford a lawyer and I should have stayed away from posting as I promised myself I would unless it was to encourage, support, or help. You know when I returned from work Elijah asked how mediation went and if he had to still go to supervised visits with his father. How do you tell your son that he still has to visit he dad who threatens, puts him and his mother down. I am working 10 to 12 hour days to make up for time I spend in mediation and court this week. I have no more earned benefit time, because I was in accident at the end of January and still have not healed from the trauma to my back and neck. I wake up every morning with headaches, stiff neck and soar back. When I returned to work I read an email in a coworkers bin discussing ways to fire me, because the accident happened on company time, which created a workers comp claim that is causing company money. I was up at 3:00 in the morning worrying about court the next day. Despite my head ache and pain I have to be at work at 6:00 a.m. This doesn’t even count the visajourney I am on. I should have never even logged into visajoureny that day. I thank you God for the strength to keep going and your open heart and ears today. Luke 24:47; Acts 2:38, 3:19, 17:30



I had just finished reading a post by tony and tess about posters thinking and being righteous, which I agreed with. Then I read a post where someone said staying away from scammers was common sense. The post got me upset, because it is not common sense.



I know you expect excellence, but how can I ever be that in this flesh?



GOD: 2 Pet 1:5-8





What should I say to the posters who thought it was meant to hurt, question my quest for excellence, and my love for you?



GOD Mathew 7:1-5



I am sorry to anyone who I offended the other day with my post. No excuse is acceptable! I just wanted to give you all an understanding of how life gets in the way. I did not tell you for sympathy or forgiveness, because GOD knows I wake up everyday with full intentions of fullfilling his dreams for me.


4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-20 20:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanAfrican male culture...
Right! My husband will say I am going to call you right back, "just right now" . I used to get anoid but now have come to realize "just right now" usually means 3 or more hours from "right now"
QUOTE (tony and tess @ Jun 18 2008, 04:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (LovinLiberia @ Jun 18 2008, 02:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (tony and tess @ Jun 18 2008, 02:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (JIM & A.D. @ Jun 18 2008, 02:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Omoba @ Jun 18 2008, 01:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought this old thread has some real good discussions on adjustment advice and is sprinkled with humor here and there.
Maybe someone can get something out of it even though it is ancient. tongue.gif



QUOTE (ZeeNusah @ Jun 18 2008, 01:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Good thread good.gif



Yes, awesome thread. I'm reading some of the posts and i can't stop cracking up. laughing.gif I can relate so much. Being a Sierra Leonean myself isn't much help either, my fiance and I still have those "communication differences".



I agree, this is a great thread!

You know one of the things that drives me nuts about my SO's culture is that they are so laid back and take things as they come. Here's a perfect example... my SO lives with his family, well they are moving and he will be rooming with a friend of his. We know that the Embassy was/is planning on doing a home visit (feels like scan or something, lol) and it's stressing me out that he doesn't know the address to where his family will be moving to. I ask him about it a couple of times a day and he keeps saying his mom doesn't know yet. She's moving today and I want him to go to the Embassy in the morning to give them the new address info just in case they plan on visiting this week and he's determined to do it on Monday. GRRRRRRRRRRRR

We're actually a great contrast to each other because he can settle me down and I can try to inspire him to hurry the hell up, lol.

Maybe it's men in general and not a cultural thing. Time just doesn't really seem to be an issue over there from what I can tell whistling.gif



Girl, that ain't nothing but African Time. Booker used to (and still does mad.gif rolleyes.gif ) live on Liberian Time. It's really frustrating to an #######, time-based American person. His relaxed behavior makes me very nervous at times. His cousin in Liberia asked us to make her some invitiations for her son's b-day party. I bugged my SO about those forever. He finally decided to Fedex them a week before the party and now they arrived there FOUR days before the party. I was so mad that he cut it that close. We worked too hard on those invitations to have them show up a. too late or b. only FOUR days before the party.



Oh I bet.... nervous is a good description. It doesn't make me angry, it just stresses me out!

And when they say they're on their way...... later that same day (like 3 hours later)! LOL

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-18 15:24:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow Long Have You Been Away From Your Spouse?
I have been away from my husband for 2 1/2 years. My husband has never seen his duaghter except in photos and she will be 2 years old in 4 months. I hate this journey crying.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-13 15:19:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
it will help if you call him directly at least once a week even if its a short conversation.


Yeah make it short or else you will have a 1200 dollar phone bill to show them like I do whistling.gif
QUOTE (Akinstacey @ Aug 4 2008, 09:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (totes @ Aug 4 2008, 07:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Omoba @ Aug 4 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (lmnop123 @ Aug 4 2008, 11:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Akinstacey @ Aug 4 2008, 10:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Many pages ago I threw in my 2cents for what it was worth. I've now just quietly read post after post after post. Each one getting more and more ugly. I can now say that as a White American woman, the wife of a Nigerian man, and the friend of a once Nigerian resident who was into scamming and then came here and even though he had 2 good jobs continued with scamming pulling in resources from Nigeria & South Africa (he's now in Federal Prison) I am just thoroughly disgusted with where this has gone. Abeg....we've shared our opinions, given our advice, now let the cards fall where they may. I personally don't even think someone should comment on Nigeria's conditions until they've actually gone and seen it for themselves. My husband lived in the very conditions that you described but he never once considered himself anything less than blessed. Sure, the jobs don't pay well (his brother has a masters degree and works for a large insurance company in Victoria Island yet only earns a few hundred a month), NEPA (the electric company) is a problem, the bathroom in his house is a toilet bowl in a cement room with a bucket of water for you to flush....I could go on and on but what for? My husband NEVER looked at these things as a problem or a reason for him to go out there and scam for money. If I called and he was in the middle of watching a movie and then "NEPA took the light", he would never complain. He'll simply say "well, I know they'll bring it back soon". IN all of our 100's of hours of talking before my going there, he never described life as bad. I never knew how bad his conditions there were until I went. But despite his level of poverty, despite the conditions of his home, despite the lack of resources in NIgeria, I never felt like we lacked anything. Even as I sit here today, I miss being there surrounded by so much family, love....people being grateful for having life. IMO, anyone in Nigeria complaining about how bad it is there, probably is trying to play on your sympathy or trying to Justify their lifestyle.


KenDC, Lovin_famo, and AkinStacey thank you for your posts.

AkinStacey, I want to say that I never said that those living in poverty whether it is in America or abroad feel less than blessed. One should always be appreciative of their current state in order to receive the blessings of more opportunities and change. A person doesn't have to pity a place or people in order to acknowledge the hardships they deal with on a day to day basis. E never complains about his life in Nigeria and I never said that. If anything, he goes out of his way to conceal any hardships he is experiencing because he doesn't want me to think he could be asking for money. I was only saying that it is easy to put someone down or jump to conclusions about why a person has done something or continues to do something in life when you have no idea what life is like for them. Until you can live in that person's shoes you shouldn't generalize.

The following is not addressed to anyone:

Just the other day E said to me again that the invitation for me to join him in Nigeria is still there he justs wants us to be together. E is also experiencing negativity on his end and comments from people about why he would want to marry someone (less than a decade) older and how long does he intend to stay married to me...etc.. He said this upsets him but it also fuels his desire to make a life with me because he truly loves me and they are unable to see pass the bad marriage intentions of others. As he shares his excitement about loving me with people around him, he said he can see and hear their doubt about us and some have even said he is making a fool out of himself but he said he is not going to let that deter him because he believes in me. No matter what happens between us, there is no way I won't at least make my trip to Nigeria to meet him, because I am the type of person that keeps my promise and I would never allow him to look like a fool by not showing up. At a minimum he is my friend and I would not wish that kind of ridicule on any friend of mine. He told me that the other day that a female family member that was younger than me, was negative about us and had already concluded that because I was older I had to be I don't know what. He told her that I looked younger than her and she said impossible. He then showed her approx. 15 pictures of me for her to say thy were a lie. Yet she stared at them (unrelated to beauty) for nearly 20 mins not realizing she had a smile on her face until he snatched the pictures out of her hand. Now all of a sudden she is excited to meet me. He says that people like her show him that others see the same thing in me that he sees and loves. So, the obstacles are not just a one sided American thing. He is experiencing his own level of negativity and comments that I am going to use and control him.




That reminds me, when my SO's friend heard about me, he said oh my goodness don't you know that they have guns there and shoot you, how can you trust her ? rofl.gif

Also a 40 or 50 year old American woman looks usualy so much younger than a 40 or 50 year old in my SO's country.
Due to nutritional factors, better health and all around better resources.
The life expectancy in S/L is 40 for a man.


My SO's friends said the same thing about us having guns but I believe what one said was "she will blow your F______ head off" LMAO, we joke about it now.

A couple of things I will add to the great suggestions here are:

1) Make sure your SO picks you up at the airport (I'm sure that's a no brainer for some but I do know of some who didn't do that). I would also recommend that your SO hire his own driver if he doesn't have his own transportation, to pick you up from the airport. The taxi's waiting around the airport are less than desirable and I've heard they will rip you off pretty badly.
I found that taxi's pretty much anywhere will rip you off especially if you are standing with your SO when you're trying to hail one. I think you said you will be getting a hired car though, so you will be all set.
2) We found the exchange rate from the guys hanging around the airport to be considerably better than we did later in town. In retro-spect, we wish we would have exchanged more money there.

3) He will not be able to enter the airport at all, I did know this when I went to Nigeria so I didn't freak out but I didn't going into Ghana so when I didn't see him all the way through getting my luggage, I was pretty unnerved.
This is true at the Lagos Airport. Also, don't be surprised if some of the people working there try to delay you or ask you for paperwork you don't have. This is just so you will tip them and keep it moving. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US that warned me of this and they gave me a pocketful of Naira to bring for that. Handing them $5 here and $5 there adds up to alot but $100 Naira here and there is not much at all.
4) The recommended immunizations for travel to Nigeria/Ghana are pretty expensive, this may or may not be something you have considered.
Yellow fever/malaria are very costly and if you're going to get them you should plan on doing it about a month before you go. I, however, didn't get it and I'm fine. (knock on wood)5) I found the food pretty spicey and I love spicey food. It's awesome but it is a little spicey.
6) The fresh fruit is AMAZING!
7) I recommend you send your proof of relationship (im's, emails, pics, etc) with your petition, I sent pics and proof that I traveled, hotel receipts, etc.,, but I did not send our im's, emails or phone records. This may or may not have contributed to our being put on AP. I believe the Consulate Officer's review the case before the interview and make a determination prior to the interview about the course of action. If that's true, she didn't have all of that info until the interview, my guess is she didn't want to or couldn't take the time to go thru it prior to the interview.
I believe 100% that the interviewers already know what their "verdict" is going to be before they even meet your SO. I believe they make their decision based on the evidence you submit in your initial petition for the K-1. When you file, include all important pics, and all important evidence. Don't wait til interview day. I think all they look for on interview day is things like Affidavit of Support, etc. Send all IM's. Even ones where you have arguements show that you have a real relationship. IF possible take photos with all family members, mother, father, siblings, etc. We had hotel receipts in both our names, I don't know if this helped or not, but you might want to consider it. If you use calling cards for your calls like I did, it will help if you call him directly at least once a week even if its a short conversation. While you're waiting to go, send each other cards or pics in the mail. Hope all this helps.
8) Meet the family and take pics prior to filing. I believe that's in your plan but we met in Ghana so his family was not available.
9) Address any "potential" red flags in a letter with your petition (I actually received this advise in retrospect from an immigration attorney I met here on VJ). Things such as age difference if there is one, etc., etc. (I'd leave out prior undesirable activities but I'm sure you get what I'm saying).
10) Make sure your SO is prepared for any and all questions the CO could ask from your sex life down to the color and make and model of your car. Know each other inside and out.

Good luck with your journey!


Edited by 4theloveofhenry, 04 August 2008 - 09:28 PM.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-04 21:26:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
When I came back from Nigeria after spending close to four months there, I was so happy about having constant electricity I kept most of the lights on in my home day and night! I even slept with the tv on just to hear some noise. Talk about wasting. Anyway have fun in Vegas. My wedding in Nigeria was so stressful becuase of the planning, execution, and then the outcome( people literally fighting at the signing of the certificate and over wedding favours at the reception) that I wish we would have had somthing small.

Anyway make sure to take lots of pics on your trip to Naija becuase you will really need them when it comes time to filing especially since you dont have many emails showing your correspondance. I would also suggest getting a signed affidavit by somone who is close to you and knows that this is a legit relationship. Most of my wedding photos were ruined in a flood and most of our old emails were lost when my computer crashed so we had my mother, grandmother, and sister all write and sign letters stating that we were a real couple who had dated for 2 years and then married and it was in fact a bonafide relationship. But it all depends on how much evidence you think you will have at the time of the interview. Anyway take care

QUOTE (lmnop123 @ Aug 4 2008, 05:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Aug 4 2008, 04:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the OP said she was not going to Naija until Dec or January, I may be wrong but if that is the case that will give her a little more time to correspond with him and some added time for when she finally files for his visa. In other words by the time she files it will not seem as if the relationship is too short to USCIS wich could raise a red flag. I dont know how much of a red flag it will raise though becuase my first husband and I only knew each other for 2 months before we got married and we had no problems going through USCIS, but on the other hand he was already living in the States and we used a lawyer.

To LMNOP,

With that said I think K&A made a good point when she advised you on the the diffrences in K1-K3. They were very valid and thought provoking points. Once your SO arrives in the States you will only have 3 months to date, plan a wedding, and get married. If you want time to get to know your SO but dont want the issue of a LTR then you could plan visits with him throughout the year. That way is more expensive but it wouldnt rush you into a marriage either. Take care.


Thanks!!

Girlfriend, you know we are going straight to Vegas!!! We are going to PAARTAY BAYBAY!!! smile.gif Only a few close friends & the essential family members. Nothing spectacular.

E will probably be overwhelmed by all the electricity wasted over there...lolol

Oh yeah, if you are married to member Henry tell him I hope he tried one of my recipes.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-04 21:23:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
I think the OP said she was not going to Naija until Dec or January, I may be wrong but if that is the case that will give her a little more time to correspond with him and some added time for when she finally files for his visa. In other words by the time she files it will not seem as if the relationship is too short to USCIS wich could raise a red flag. I dont know how much of a red flag it will raise though becuase my first husband and I only knew each other for 2 months before we got married and we had no problems going through USCIS, but on the other hand he was already living in the States and we used a lawyer.

To LMNOP,

With that said I think K&A made a good point when she advised you on the the diffrences in K1-K3. They were very valid and thought provoking points. Once your SO arrives in the States you will only have 3 months to date, plan a wedding, and get married. If you want time to get to know your SO but dont want the issue of a LTR then you could plan visits with him throughout the year. That way is more expensive but it wouldnt rush you into a marriage either. Take care.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-04 15:37:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
judge (jj)
v. judged, judg·ing, judg·es
v.tr.
1. To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration: judge heights; judging character.


I think we are all judging each other here. We are forming our opinion of each other and each others opinions based on what we have read. Like the defination says above , "a judgment means to form an opinion after careful consideration. We are all considering each others posts and then forming a judgment about that person, however I think the most important thing here is not the fact that we are judging but that we all try to respect everyone for being a individual with a diffrent opinion. We may never agree and feel strongly that our way is right but we must also realize that others feel the same too. Who are we to criticize someones belief or veiwpoint just becuase to us its wrong.We all, becuase of being imperfect humans, have done the wrong thing in our lives and will continue to do the wrong thing on an everyday basis becuase we will always carry our imperfection until Gods time.At time we will all say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and think the wrong thing. I think Ashante said it best in her post when she said we should think about what and how we say things. I want to use myself as an example, even though my intentions were not to insult another poster I went back and saw that the way I said it came across as such and I went back to apologize. I know as an opinionated person there will probably be many times that I say the wrong thing. In readressing what Ashante said, I think if I watch how I say it in the future my point will be taken better and I will not hurt anyones feelings or their pride in the process. But like I also said before, that lesson can be learned by everyone, whether you are on the offensive end or defensive end. If we feel someone else is wrong why cant we express ourselves without being critical and hurtful or giving off the impression to the other person that we are always right ourselves. That is just my feelings on the matter.

By the way, Ashanti I really appreciated your post.

Edited by 4theloveofhenry, 03 August 2008 - 03:08 PM.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-03 15:05:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
Actually everything I posted in this thread was directed at Lois's posts. I never responded to you becuase I saw that many had already responded wth good advice to your question regarding the appropriate visa. However I would say the same to you regarding continuing to give VJ a chance. We are all good people here, you just have to take what you want to take and leave the leftovers for someone else. What i mean is, if it applies to your own set of circumstances then be happy you could get somthing out of it, but if it dosnt apply then what harm has it done? Maybe it will apply to and help somone else. What we write and read here just becomes memory on our computer, it does not become a tattoo on us nor does it become our theme song that follows us wherever we go.. Take care and have lots of fun on this exciting leg of your jouney.
QUOTE (lmnop123 @ Aug 2 2008, 01:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS POST..... I QUOTED THE WRONG INFORMATION.


QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Aug 2 2008, 12:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What I truly wanted to let you know was if you dont trust your fiance then rethink what you want to do not just for him but mainly for yourself. I have been in a relationship where I did not trust my companion and I can tell you that it was miserable for him and me. I was depressed, unsure, insecure and it lowered my self esteem to be with someone I wasnt sure loved me the way I loved them. And whether he did or didnt, me being so unsure and insecure ruined any chance of somthing good as he was unhappy and so was I.

When I told you it was unfair to yourself and your fiance if you continued on with doubts it is only becuase you said you thought his love was secondary and he wanted to come for a better life. I never wanted to imply to give up on your relationship just to rethink how you were feeling about yourself.
Becuase to say you are the usual blond , blue eyed type said to me that you were feeling insecure about yourself in regards to your relationship with him.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-02 01:50:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
I truly hope my post did not offend you and scare you off. Sometimes what I really mean does not come out the way I want it to. When I posted to your comment I called myself trying to give you helpfull suggestions but when I saw how you felt I went back and reread it. Some of what I said was not meant to be harsh or judgmental but when I reread it I saw that it came across that way. What I truly wanted to let you know was if you dont trust your fiance then rethink what you want to do not just for him but mainly for yourself. I have been in a relationship where I did not trust my companion and I can tell you that it was miserable for him and me. I was depressed, unsure, insecure and it lowered my self esteem to be with someone I wasnt sure loved me the way I loved them. And whether he did or didnt, me being so unsure and insecure ruined any chance of somthing good as he was unhappy and so was I. That is why I also said if you truly love him then dont give up on the relationship by having self doubt. Or at least that is how I wanted it to come across.

I can tell you now, I never want to insult anyone or hurt anyone on this forum or in my everyday life. I express myself or try to express myself candidly but sincerely. I truly want to help when I post and that is why my posts are usually few and far in between. I like to post when something truly touches me or I have EXPERIANCED it myself. I will not tell you what I dont know. I will tell you only based on what I have been through myself. My grandmother always told me if you point one finger at someone else then point two at yourself, and that has stuck with me, that is why if I write something I make sure it is somthing I can relate to becuase I have felt it, lived it, and learned from it. When I told you it was unfair to yourself and your fiance if you continued on with doubts it is only becuase you said you thought his love was secondary and he wanted to come for a better life. I never wanted to imply to give up on your relationship just to rethink how you were feeling about yourself. Becuase to say you are the usual blond , blue eyed type said to me that you were feeling insecure about yourself in regards to your relationship with him. I have lived a insecure life for many years and it wasnt until I got close to 30 that I began to realize the worth in myself. So what you said stood out to me and touched me. I wanted to give you another way to think about it. To think how being unsure in a lifelong relationship could affect you and him for the rest of your lives. SO please if my wordsw hurt you then I am truly sorry. I have a strong mind and heart and I feel deeply. Sometimes also when I post my mind is going a mile a minute and I am trying to get in each and every thought. Sometimes the tact in my words does not correspond to the feeling in my heart and mind. So please do not leave. Stay and get all you can from this site. If you are unsure of how someone feels then ask them. Dont leave based on misconception becuase I truly believe that is what happens alot. We are all trying to use a machine to translate feeling. So anyway please except my sincere apology if what I said disturbed you. Take care and best to you on the rest of your journey.
QUOTE (Lois @ Aug 1 2008, 07:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Perseverance @ Aug 1 2008, 05:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
lmnop123,

I am very sorry that this had to happen. I dont know why people on this board can not be more supportive to others reaching out during thier own journey.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

There are plenty of people on VJ who will give you good advice and help you along the way. I hope that you dont really leave, VJ is a good resource to help with your journey.

Please just ignore those that will try to twist things around on you and get in your head.

I hope to see you around.

heart.gif P
Once again, I COMMEND you. I think that I will stay out of this place to discuss things though. Good Luck and happiness lmnop

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-01 23:12:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
Thats true as well. It reminds me of the saying "you cant beat a dead horse". But at the same time that is what makes forums like these so informative and interesting. I know I havnt been able to walk away for one day from VJ. I also have found at least one thing I can ponder on in someones post. Sure it dosnt take 35 people to make a point but when you have hundreds of people on one site its going to be inevetable. These forums are like a backseat driver. We all know where we are going but everyone still wants to give their two cents on the way we should get there LOL.
QUOTE (We_Destiny @ Aug 1 2008, 02:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have some goat meat to add to the stew unsure.gif

Enough with the doomsday....People here are grown and I can tell you the pot is hot and that you should not touch it. But, if you decide to touch it even if I disagree it is your choice. All I know that I said to you what was in my heart to say, and will be able to move on. You may get burned you may not, but either way I will be three to walk with you whatever path choosen.

If someone would have told me my husband was scamming me I would not have believed them, I know that anything is possible and I can only make decisions from what I feel is right for me. I have made some wrong ones but, I have made more right one using the same logic. It is my opinion that we should not nag and harras people all repeating the same scammer comments. There has been a many of times I have typed something and walked away, I will come back and copy my thoughts and see what the last post pointed to. Alot of times I would read my exact same thoughts posted by someone else or the flow of the conversation might take a turn, so I don't post those thoughts. I lost my window to comment or the relevancy of the point..... so be it.

I am merely saying that it does not take 35 people saying the exact same thing making the exact same warning. If maybe, you see someone has already posted your sentiments maybe the thumbs or diitto or just silence knowing your point was already made by someone else might suffice. JMHO

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-01 13:38:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
You are so right. I love your way with words and illustrations. I also have to say to that disagreaing with someone and insulting them personally is two diffrent things. Expressing to someone that maybe they have been a bit harsh or judgmental is fair. We all have done it, but when we insult someones personal charachter or call them derogitory names and throw out insults then we have forgotten what it means to have differing opinions on a forum and turned it into somthing personal. You said it perfectly. We need to be respectful.

QUOTE (Omoba @ Aug 1 2008, 01:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That is a good post 4theloveofhenry and I agree.

But once in a while someone throws too much salt in the stew and then the stew takes on a different taste. And then some voice their opinions that the salt is too heavy to make it palatable and that is ok too and their opinion to say nope too much salt here wink.gif

We need to keep it respectful with opinions of generalizations.

Bon apetite , grab a spoon and pull up a chair smile.gif

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-01 13:23:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
There are good people in this world and bad people in this world. Only God can judge the heart but that is why God gave us the ability to use our perspective powers of reasoning, logic, and understanding.

Now I know alot of people do not like my opinions but they are just that, "my" opinions. I have never said that my word is "the word" or that I know more than anyone else on this board. I give my opinion and suggestions on matters based only on my own reasoining and understanding and also on my own experiances in life. Am I always right? NO. Am I always wrong? NO. Just becuase I give my opinion does not mean I think I am perfect or that I cannot learn anything from anyone else. This forum is like a good stew. Someone gave us the recipe but all of us have a new ingrediant to add. One persons choice may not be to the liking of the other but that does not mean that the person should be made to feel that they cannot freely add their own. It is the variety in all of us that gave us this very informative and wonderful site in the first place. I can tell you that I have learned somthing from everyone on this site. I have gained so much knowledge here. Knowledge on the world, knowledge on life, and knoweldge on ways to improve charachter. I value everyones thoughts and opinions becuase I know that there is always something that I can take away from it.

With that said, I am asking all of us to try to find value in each other becuase we all have something to offer. We all hold value here. There is not one of us that does not have somthing to offer or somthing we can learn. If we can respect everyones opinion whether we agree with or not will keep this forum where its supposed to be instead of a mud slinging fight. And before anyone misreads what I am trying to say, this post is not directed at any one person here. I have posted this to all of us in hopes that we can always strive to move past the bad feelings that are bound to appear from all of our diffrent perspectives.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-08-01 12:34:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
After reading your further posts I would have to concur with what some of the other ladies are saying here. Like I said, if you cant trust him in your heart then why pursue the relationship. Its no fun being in love with someone that you feel you have to watch your back with. You want to be able to feel secure with the one you love not worry about if you need security when you are with them. The fact that he says he has spinal menengitis worries me becuase my daughter at 2 months old had viral menengitis and I learned all about the diffrent types while she was in the hospital. Spinal is bacterial and very contagious and hard to treat. People have been known to die within days of contracting this. How has he informed you of this? Was it by phone? Was it via computer?

Omoba was definately right in saying to ask alot of questions. Especially about the symptoms and the treatment. Then look the illness up yourself and compare what you find out with your notes. Whether you decide to continue foward with this man and trust him unconditionally or you decide you do not trust him and want to part ways, be diligent in either decision you make becuase either way you are dealing with your life.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-31 17:52:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPlease Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...
One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!
QUOTE (Lois @ Jul 30 2008, 08:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (We_Destiny @ Jul 27 2008, 07:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
K1............. ROCKS good.gif good.gif good.gif good.gif

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-30 23:27:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMarried almost 5 years!

please post the questions that they asked your hubby at lagos embassy


This was my husbands 3rd interview so he wasnt asked much. He was asked "do you have the requested documents"
:lol:. He was also asked "have you ever talked to your mother in law", well I would guess so after 4 1/2 years :bonk:
At the first interview he had in 2008 he was asked the following:

Where did you meet

What does your wife do for a living, I am on disability so they asked him what is my illness

How many children and what are their names

What is their fathers name

How old are they

At the second interview they asked him:

What does your duaghter say when she talks to you on the phone

What is your wifes illness(again) and what kind of illness is that. What are the symptoms.

The questions they ask are random but they are all questions that should be fairly easy to answer. Like I have yet to hear them ask "what is your spouses blood type" or "is their second toe longer than their big toe" :lol: Nothing crazy like that.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-04-02 23:27:00