ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresMarch K3 Filer
Thats great to hear, I hope things will remain this speedy for you. I will be sending my I-129 off on monday. I will be praying hard this week innocent.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-03-22 14:23:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresMarch K3 Filer
Also a March filer. The 10th to be exact. My check was just cashed on the 14 and cleared with my bank this morning kicking.gif so now I am waiting to recieve my NOA1 in the mail any day God willing.Sounds like you dotted all your I's and crossed all your T's and you shouldnt have any problems so far. With God all things are possible and we will be with our loved ones before the year is out!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-03-15 12:57:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhat step now??
WOW Thank you indeed! Just read some replies over in the IR-1 board and had resigned to the thought that I would have to start over. Thank you for this info it has helped me immensely! Just to be clear, contact the embassey and not NVC? OK like I said thanx a million and also thanx to everyone else who offered their 2 cents. It was appreciated.






QUOTE (meauxna @ Dec 8 2009, 08:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Dec 8 2009, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Question- My husband and I have had a rocky marriage due to personality conflicts but both of us love each other and want to remain married and work it out. Now last year I applied for a K-3 visa for my husband and it went all the way up to interview. He had his interview in Dec and was told to come back after getting a DNA test for our duagter. To make a long story short we had a disagreament again and it spiraled into months of arguing and no real attempt to move forward. So here we are in Dec again and we are talking of trying to get it right this time. The embassey told him last year there was no time limit on when we brought back the DNA evidence and since then he has moved and we have not heard anything else from the Embassey. My question is will we be able to submitt the DNA test next year in Feb (money reasons) or has the I 129 expired? If it has expired is the I-30 still here in the states and can we just pursue that instead or do we have to start ALL OVER???? I am confused as to what step to take next. PLease I need advice!

The first thing to do is notify the Consulate that you would like to keep the case alive; do this ASAP as a hedge.
The I-129f approval is for four months at a time. As you know, Consulates automatically renew that approval in 4 month chunks if the case is 'active'. What I'm more familiar with reading about is the I-130 approval; it does not expire per se, but you need to take action on it within one year (argument could be made that the interview was an action involving the I-130, but I am not a lawyer).

You should not have to start over from scratch, but you should take action now, in December, to restart the case. I know your Consulate is difficult to reach, but they are the ones with the information right now and if they still have the file, you want them to know you want to keep going.

Sorry I don't have more detail for you; I've only seen lawyers actually answer a question like yours before.


4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2009-12-09 01:23:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhat step now??
Dont want my thread to spiral down into the unanswered thread abyss, trying to keep it alive until answered. Anyone??? whistling.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2009-12-08 18:08:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhat step now??
Question- My husband and I have had a rocky marriage due to personality conflicts but both of us love each other and want to remain married and work it out. Now last year I applied for a K-3 visa for my husband and it went all the way up to interview. He had his interview in Dec and was told to come back after getting a DNA test for our duagter. To make a long story short we had a disagreament again and it spiraled into months of arguing and no real attempt to move forward. So here we are in Dec again and we are talking of trying to get it right this time. The embassey told him last year there was no time limit on when we brought back the DNA evidence and since then he has moved and we have not heard anything else from the Embassey. My question is will we be able to submitt the DNA test next year in Feb (money reasons) or has the I 129 expired? If it has expired is the I-30 still here in the states and can we just pursue that instead or do we have to start ALL OVER???? I am confused as to what step to take next. PLease I need advice!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2009-12-08 17:49:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresk-3 to IR1
This time I really do want to thank everyone who responded. Just waiting now on one of these agencies to step up to the plate.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-27 08:34:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresk-3 to IR1
Thanx Canadianwife for posting a reply to my question. I am a bit sarcastic and what does patience mean? :D But anyway I dont want NVC to expedite my case to recieve a interview but I was asking if the second K-3 interview came first could I ask NVC to go ahead and send my case over to Lagos without the NVC assigning me a interview date.

I probably should have used another term other than expedite but couldnt think of one at the time. Also I have heard that the embassy will only interview for the CR1 if the completed NVC case has reached the embassy by the time of the K-3 interview and if it doesnt they will just go ahead and issue a K-3. Having paid the money for the CR1 I dont intend to let it go down the drain and then pay even more to adjust status once he arrives.

Also I dont want to have him return for the second K-3 interview and then have to wait for him to go back for the CR1 interview at a later date or visa versa. We have this DNA test that was asked for and its attached to the K-3 so like you said I was trying to find out how to have them merge the two. Am I rambling? :wacko: Anyway thank you again for your reply.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-26 22:02:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresk-3 to IR1
well thanx for all those who responded and tried to help out. I really appreciate it!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-26 18:42:00
K-3 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresk-3 to IR1
To make a long story short, husband had interview for k-3 visa in lagos on Dec 12 2008. Issued 221g requesting DNA test. Due to personal circumstances DNA test was not done till Dec 2009. Husbands portion of DNA not scheduled till Feb/10/2010 so we decide to persue CR1 while we wait.

Now onto question. Husbands DNA test is done and results sent to Lagos Embassy 18 of Feb. Also Case just completed at NVC yesterday. We are now waiting on two appointment schedules.

1. request to return to embassy for k-3 visa since 221g request has been satisfied.

2. NVC scheduled interview for IR1.

I dont know which will come first but I need to know if the K-3 request to return to embassy comes first can I ask NVC to expadite my file to Lagos or should I inform the embassy and ask them to have my file expadited from NVC?

Or if the IR1 interview comes first should I just email Lagos and ask them to merge the two case files when it gets there?

I know God has worked everything out in my favor already since my I30 should have expired at the NVC at the end of last year, so I know that he is working things out and everything will come in his due time, but I need to know what action to take when that due time comes. Any advice?
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-26 03:25:00
Middle East and North AfricaI lost my husband today
First I must say I am so sorry for your loss. I know this means little in a time of such pain but just know that there are many people here that although strangers, feel for you and your family at this time.

With that said I would love to share a scripture or two with you that may help you in this time of anguish. At 1 Peter 5: 6,7 it say humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God that he may exualt you in due time, while you throw all your anxiety upon him becuase he cares for you.

God wants you to throw all your pain and anxiety on him especially in these heartbreaking times and not only that, it says "he cares for you". He loves you and cares for you and wants you to give him your anxiety and your pain becuase he is capable of handling it when you cannot.

God has many angels in heaven that do his will and serve him there, he did not need nor take your husband. He is a god of love and it states at 1 John 4:8 "God is Love!" It doesnt just say that he loves but it says, he IS love. A loving father would never give a gift to his child and then snatch it away. God is no diffrent and in fact his love is far greater than that of a father for his child.

God also explained to us why these things happen. He let us know that becuase of our first parents Adam and Eve we inherited sin wich brings death to all of us (Romans 6:23). Sin is like a disease that was passed on from one generation to another and the outcome of that disease is death. God does not cuase death in fact God is pained by it and in no way enjoys death nor takes back life from us for his enjoyment or use. In fact I think you will be comforted by the words of Job in Job 14 :13-15 where in verse 14 Job asks God "if a abled body man dies, can he live again?" In verse 15 Job continues by saying, "you (GOD) will call and and I myself shall answer you(he is speaking of answering from his memorial tomb) For the work of your hands you will have a yearning."

Yes God hates death and he actually has a yearning to eradicate it and bring back those who have lost their lives in death and it states this at
John 5:28, 29 - Do not marvel at this becuase the hour is coming wich all of those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out. Those who did good things to a ressurection of life and those who did vile things to a ressurection of judgment.

I hope some of this helps and again I am truly sorry for you and your family!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-07-28 15:35:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 NOA-1s recently received
Mailed my I-130 3/10 recieved NOA1 3/18 but that was becuase post office almost sent it back becuase of maiden name on mailbox. Please add me to the list as I am leaning more towards going for the IR-1 visa since we have been married longer than 2 years. Thanks
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-03-21 15:51:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresVermont go to Hell
QUOTE (Paris Heart @ Apr 24 2008, 04:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (reehon @ Apr 24 2008, 03:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (KipandSarahJayne @ Apr 24 2008, 04:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Paris Heart @ Apr 24 2008, 09:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Its funny you say that losoflpatience, I had a meeting with U.S. Customs officer today, as everyone knows Im a import specialist, and work "with" NOT for all the government agencies involved. and one officer asked me just today, how is the petition process going?, I said slower then molaysis in January, he looks at me and says, Oh No, I heard their turning them out faster then ever, I said "turning out what faster then ever what, the heart aches, the waiting, or just turning out the excuses faster then ever?" He justed looked at me. then he says, maybe its cause your job, or cause he is a Muslim, and really need to look into your petition. I said so what about my position or he is a Muslim, we are people, not just job titles or a religion, we are a FAMILY!!!

NOBODY understands what we here on VJ feeling, being apart from our husbands, wives and some that have children. Nobody understands except us ,the waiting and wanting of our family.

Im sorry guys, its not a good day for me today, everyday away from my husband is a stab in the heart. Ive never been so lonely in my life.
Paris Heart


Oh Paris my friend, I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a bad day. Yes this process is awful for all of us.
I cannot believe that someone mentioned your petition was taking time being approved due to religion or your job ..... how terrible you must feel, and how totally untrue that comment was.

Big hugs for you and big hugs for reehon who started this thread.

How about you guys emailing the link to this CR1/IR1 forum to the New York Times .... they often rip USCIS apart, and if they're looking for stories, there's a whole website full of them.

Everyday is a stab in the heart like you said Paris .... and sadly, it's only our spouses who are thousands of miles away who understand ... or us on this website.

Come on guys ..... pardon my language, but let's not allow the bastards to get us down!


Thanks to everyone and I hope everyone will be with their loves ones sooner then we expect. I just wish for all to be with their families and live a happy life. Hopefully things will be better. If not., then everything else in life can go to hell.


Reehon,
Your not alone in this, we at Vj are in the same damn boat issued by USCIS, we all let off steam, cuss, and totally lose it, but after a bit, you will feel better, dont surrender your life to them, as I can not surrender my home, my country cause they have me down. We will all get thru this.
Paris Heart

I am so sorry for everyone that is going through this pain and especially sorry that you are having a very difficult day in dealing with this process. We all miss our loved ones and long to be near them and we all ache deep in our hearts everyday that we are apart from them. I personally have only spent 3 months with my husband and that was 2 years ago. We have a duaghter that is growing older day by day and will be 2 this october. He is missing the very best part of her years. He wasnt there to see her born, crawl , walk, or talk and who knows if he will even see her before she is 3 years old. This journey is very hard and very sad and I know it will not make you feel any better to hear this but we ALL have a story! Some stories have ended happily and some have ended badly with some never getting to be reunited or reunited only to be rejected or divorce once the spouse is here.

One thing I ask though is please do not give up on God. God sees all things and knows all things and has wisdom that is so far beyond ours. He is a God of love and his name Jehovah means I will prove to be what I will prove to be, meaning he can and will be all things to all people who excercise faith in him. He is the only one that can help us! But with all his infinate wisdom he does things in his own time and being that we can not see what he sees our timing may not be the right time. We as humans also have a enemy Satan the devil working against us. He does not want to see us happy and he does not want to see us serve God. He loves it when we believe it is God who does not care about us. But God say at Romans 8:38,39- Not death nor life nor angels nor governments nor things now here nor things to come will be able to seperate us from Gods love. And at Psalms 66:19-20 -Truly God has heard, he has paid attention to the voice of my prayer , blessed be God who has not turned aside my prayer nor his loving kindness from me.

God is telling us that if we put faith in him and keep him before us he does in fact hear our prayers. We may not have them answered in the time we think they should be but he does hear them and loves us and wants us to be happy and will take action when the time is right. On one last note at Proverbs 13:12 it says Expectation postponed is making the heart sick but the thing DESIRED IS A TREE OF LIFE WHEN IT DOES COME. So have faith that God does see your pain but your expectations will be met by the one who is answering prayers.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-04-24 16:39:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI-130 approved!
Congrats! I got touched two days in a row this week and I am a march filer. I hope this is a sign that vermont is about to blast out approvals. Isnt God great! I hope the rest of your journey will be smooth and speedy
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-08 18:15:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresVermont Approvals
I walked away from the computer and came back and forgot I was on this topic. I thought I was responding to AMASTARs post about being approved! OOPS wacko.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-02 18:45:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresVermont Approvals
CONGRATULATIONS kicking.gif Isnt God Great! innocent.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-02 18:42:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures~ APPROVED!!! VSC I-130 ~
COngrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great news for you guys! I was sooo happy reading this. No more VSC jokes now!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-23 16:46:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresGuys-----RFE trick notworking any more
Somtetimes I love this site becuase of the helpful people and sometimes I cannot stand it becuase of the judgmental ones. We are all going through difficulties due to this situation, some of us more than others. Some of us have a abundance of patience and some of us have none. Some of us go insane waiting on this process to see completion some of us are already there blink.gif But all in all we all are waiting and suffering becuase we do not have our family members here.

I do not believe calling the RFE line to get information is holding up anyone elses case just as I do not believe that "not" calling if you do not have a RFE makes you "RIGHT" But just like everyone else this is just what I think. But really as long as you have satisfied your own conscience that should be all that matters! Get a grip people and lets try to encourage one another instead of always beating each other down over pettiness!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-29 19:27:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresA question for those who ask to expedite I-130
Same thing happened to me and same situation. I am raising 3 small children alone and my husband needs to be here to help take care of his child. I could go on and on as well but I dont want to air my laundry . I recieved a letter today showing I was denied my expedite. I guess when I end up homeless I will move into VCS laughing.gif
QUOTE (Kathassane @ Jun 7 2008, 05:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Todd-Leah @ Jun 6 2008, 09:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My husband phoned CSC and requested expedition of the I-130, but the online status doesn't show any touches after that, is this normal?

If you have requested expedition before, can you share with me whether there is any touch generated after the expedite request?



I as well called and asked if they can look at my case, they said everything is ok, they asked would you like to expedite your case I said sure, they told me what I had to do, later that day i got an email that denied my case

I called again yesterday and the same thing, denied again
and never a touch to my case

and this afternoon I received a letter in the mail with the same denial, and still no touches,
I am at my wits end, I am raising three teenagers by myself , never had child support, argh I can go on and on but I will spare you,
I don't know what else to do , but wait, and wait and so on and so on and so on, like the old faberge organic hair shampoo commercials, all i can say is argh

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-07 16:49:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures~ EXPEDITE TIPS ~
I am so sorry that this happened to you but keep up in prayer and faith and God will makes sure your petition lands right back where it needs to. Who knows you may end up ahead!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-30 16:19:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhat must we do next
Thank you all who replied to my question. I was figuring I needed to call someone but wasnt sure who. SO I need to call NVC. Ok will do that. I am also hoping that even though the I-129 is expired that I will be able to continue with the CR-1 otherwise I will have to start all over.


Thanx again guys luv.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2009-12-09 01:18:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhat must we do next


Dont want my thread to get lost with no answers- anyone, anyone? whistling.gif



QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Dec 8 2009, 05:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Question- My husband and I have had a rocky marriage due to personality conflicts but both of us love each other and want to remain married and work it out. Now last year I applied for a K-3 visa for my husband and it went all the way up to interview. He had his interview in Dec and was told to come back after getting a DNA test for our duagter. To make a long story short we had a disagreament again and it spiraled into months of arguing and no real attempt to move forward. So here we are in Dec again and we are talking of trying to get it right this time. The embassey told him last year there was no time limit on when we brought back the DNA evidence and since then he has moved and we have not heard anything else from the Embassey. My question is will we be able to submitt the DNA test next year in Feb (money reasons) or has the I 129 expired? If it has expired is the I-30 still here in the states and can we just pursue that instead or do we have to start ALL OVER???? I am confused as to what step to take next. PLease I need advice!


4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2009-12-08 18:05:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhat must we do next
Question- My husband and I have had a rocky marriage due to personality conflicts but both of us love each other and want to remain married and work it out. Now last year I applied for a K-3 visa for my husband and it went all the way up to interview. He had his interview in Dec and was told to come back after getting a DNA test for our duagter. To make a long story short we had a disagreament again and it spiraled into months of arguing and no real attempt to move forward. So here we are in Dec again and we are talking of trying to get it right this time. The embassey told him last year there was no time limit on when we brought back the DNA evidence and since then he has moved and we have not heard anything else from the Embassey. My question is will we be able to submitt the DNA test next year in Feb (money reasons) or has the I 129 expired? If it has expired is the I-30 still here in the states and can we just pursue that instead or do we have to start ALL OVER???? I am confused as to what step to take next. PLease I need advice!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2009-12-08 17:48:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresNVC mailing room
I know its hard but try not to worry about it. I overnighted my docs on a saturday so it would definately be there by Monday morning but they did not enter it into their system till the end of the week on a friday afternoon. I believe your docs are there but they recieve a LOT of mail so it may take some time. Dont judge by someone elses timeline or post how long these things take and just be rest assured that it will show up eventually and hopefully sooner than later.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-09 14:37:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduressign in failed more questions
bump
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-25 23:16:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduressign in failed more questions
Started my NVC journey the 21 of January and today (thank you God) my sign in failed! :dance: :dance: :dance:

I wrote a short time back about whether my I30 was still active after about a year of no activity on it and a denied k-3.

My husband interviewd in Dec 2008 and was given 221-g for a DNA test. We have since finished the DNA test and are awaiting a date to return to the embassy. In the meantime I started contacted the NVC and had them move forward with my I30.

Now on to my questions. I believe that my husband will get a return date to the embassy soon regarding the DNA test on the K-3 and I am praying they will meet up but how long does it usually take for NVC to send the I30 case on the embassy? Our embassy is Lagos btw.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-25 20:59:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresProof of Bonafide marriage
Id say make sure you have alot of other evidence becuase in Africa it is major for the family of the African spouse to be at the wedding unless the parents are dead, infirmed, or live faw away and have no means to make it. I say that becuase marriage is a big deal in most African societies and most parents would not miss that day unless they just could not make it due to circumstance. While there are good reasons that they did not attend the embsassy will look for anything to disprove the relationship so make sure to have a good explination. Did you at least meet the parents? If so that will be a positive.

Id say provide photos of you with more than just your spouse ( spouses friends, other relatives). Also like previous posted use a long distance phone call service that will allow you to print off evidence of calls. I use tel3advantage. It gives you a local number to call from so you do not have to dial a long distance or 800 number and you can print off the phone records. All you have to do is charge your account either by cc or paypal.

Most important though is not the overwhelming evidence (becuase sometimes the CO's dont even look at it) is to make sure your spouse is WELL prepared to answer any and every question they may ask. Wich could be about anything that has to do with YOU. Some CO's just want to SEE that you have evidence but even with 30 tons of evidence if your spouse even misses one question they will pounce on it.

Yes, have evidence, but rely most on having your spouse be well prepared to answer those questions!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-02-26 22:34:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSomthing off topic !
Funny story. You sound like me. Thinking the officers cared and all. Maybe if we were Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin laughing.gif Lucky you didnt get escorted off to the local station like me. $3.50 is alot easier to part with than $100 yes.gif
QUOTE (tony and tess @ Jun 22 2008, 05:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 21 2008, 11:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Im gonna go a bit off topic here, since the topic seems to be about scamming these days, and bring a little light heartedness into the mix. I remember a old thread from some years back and thought Id do a 2008 one.

The topic: What fond memories and funny stories can you share about the country you visited?


Well one I can remember off the bat is how I got my husband and I arrested becuase of my big mouth.

I was not aware of the "donation" system they have set up in Naija where you donate to the police at "all" traffic stops and road checkpoints laughing.gif . My husband eventually told me that this was the way it was in Naija but still lemented on the fact that they were all criminals and crooks and how corrupt the police were. Well me and my sense of superwoman justice decided I was gonna stand up for the people and speak my mind and after a heated argument with my husband my irritation level convinced me that now would be the perfect time to tell them what I thought huh.gif becuase after all I was an "American Citizen" What could they do to me?

WRONG! After telling the officer about how the system was just plain wrong and they were nothing more than mere criminals taking from the poor, I and my husband found ourselves being escorted off huh.gif . As we made our way down the dirt road we suddenly were directed off into a field with tall grass and what appeared to be a junk yard of old cars. I thought to myself "were dead"! helpsmilie.gif Imagine those movies where they always take the person off to the bush before they shoot them! Well that was all that was going through my head as we approached. Im thinking "it was nice knowing you baby". When got out of the car and the police officer started leading us down the path I was ready to piss my pants but then out of knowhere appeared a old looking building and some other officers. Then I finally realized that we were at the police station.

We ended up being detained for 6 hours where they kept yelling at me and telling me it was a crime to insult an officer and pressuring me to sign a statement. All the while they are pulling my husband to the side and yelling at him that he has married a prostitute and what kind of man cannot keep his wife quiet? headbonk.gif I wanted to tell them what I thought about that! However I must say I stood my ground and refused to sign that statement no0pb.gif. and a good lecturing from some of the nicer officers and $100 later we were finally released. All in all this experiance really helped me to have a higher respect for other countries and their system of doing things. It also tuaght me the value in talking about others behind their backs! laughing.gif



I would have been scared to death!!!! I had a similar situation when I visited Nigeria, my SO, one of his friends and myself were on our way to the beach. I generally sat in the backseat so as not to draw too much attention to us but this particular time my SO's friend said "no, sit in the front seat so you can take some nice pics." I reluctantly did. On our way, we were stopped at one of those nice cross street checks and my SO's friend was told by the officier that he did something related to a turn which was against the traffic law (we weren't even turning, lol). He began to argue back and forth with the officer and finally said "can I pull of the road so we don't get her killed in this traffic". The officer got in the back seat of the car ohmy.gif while we pulled over. They continued to argue and I kept saying to my SO, what are they saying, what are they saying? My SO got out of the car and went to try and talk with the other officer and as they continued to argue in the car, I decided it was time for me.... to interject, lol. I turned and looked at the officer and said "is this the kind of ####### you want me to take back to my country? Is this how you want to represent your country when visitor's come here? YIKES!!!! He glared at me, never blinking, as if he were going to kill me. I thought.... oh now I've done it.... I'm going to jail in Nigeria! My SO is back in the car by then and leans toward the front seat and whisper's to me "baby, they just want money". I said almost yelling "OH HELL NO!" He then says to me "I've already paid the other guy, they will let us be on our way now". I was so angry, I was spitting nails. The amount of money my SO gave him turned out to be roughly $3.50, lol. All that for $3.50. Needless to say.... I resumed my position in the back seat for the remainder of my trip, lol.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-22 17:20:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSomthing off topic !
Im gonna go a bit off topic here, since the topic seems to be about scamming these days, and bring a little light heartedness into the mix. I remember a old thread from some years back and thought Id do a 2008 one.

The topic: What fond memories and funny stories can you share about the country you visited?


Well one I can remember off the bat is how I got my husband and I arrested becuase of my big mouth.

I was not aware of the "donation" system they have set up in Naija where you donate to the police at "all" traffic stops and road checkpoints laughing.gif . My husband eventually told me that this was the way it was in Naija but still lemented on the fact that they were all criminals and crooks and how corrupt the police were. Well me and my sense of superwoman justice decided I was gonna stand up for the people and speak my mind and after a heated argument with my husband my irritation level convinced me that now would be the perfect time to tell them what I thought huh.gif becuase after all I was an "American Citizen" What could they do to me?

WRONG! After telling the officer about how the system was just plain wrong and they were nothing more than mere criminals taking from the poor, I and my husband found ourselves being escorted off huh.gif . As we made our way down the dirt road we suddenly were directed off into a field with tall grass and what appeared to be a junk yard of old cars. I thought to myself "were dead"! helpsmilie.gif Imagine those movies where they always take the person off to the bush before they shoot them! Well that was all that was going through my head as we approached. Im thinking "it was nice knowing you baby". When got out of the car and the police officer started leading us down the path I was ready to piss my pants but then out of knowhere appeared a old looking building and some other officers. Then I finally realized that we were at the police station.

We ended up being detained for 6 hours where they kept yelling at me and telling me it was a crime to insult an officer and pressuring me to sign a statement. All the while they are pulling my husband to the side and yelling at him that he has married a prostitute and what kind of man cannot keep his wife quiet? headbonk.gif I wanted to tell them what I thought about that! However I must say I stood my ground and refused to sign that statement no0pb.gif. and a good lecturing from some of the nicer officers and $100 later we were finally released. All in all this experiance really helped me to have a higher respect for other countries and their system of doing things. It also tuaght me the value in talking about others behind their backs! laughing.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 11:29:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanU - turn
Thank you both ladies for the kind words and advice. Points well taken and very appreciated!

I
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-22 07:32:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanU - turn
Thank you so much for that. I was sitting here so upset and you really helped me to feel better now. I prayed that God would help me to not take it so personally and to help me to be understood and then I came back and read this. Thank you Jehovah and really with all sincerity, thank you Omoba.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 23:27:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanU - turn
I needed this... thank you. I really in my heart feel my words have been really misconstrued and taken for somthing that GOD knows I did not mean for them to be taken as. JUst tonight I posted somthing and tried to make myself clear and it obviously was not clear. I totally lost my temper and was so angry I wanted to say things I try to avoid saying. I lost myself and my values tonight and when I finished typing and read this it calmed me and brought things back to perspective. I know I truly care about people and really hate it when someone thinks I am being cruel becuase I can swear on my life that I never mean something bad. This forum has left me feeling really bad these last couple of days. I hope and pray to God we can turn it around becuase this place used to be so valuable and now it seems to only be about misunderstanding, contention, and pain. Please to anyone that thinks I meant anything I said in a bad way, PLEASE trust me when I say I mean no harm to anyone here. PLease take that and let us follow Omoba and make a u-turn. After reading this I will say I am on board this ride.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 22:37:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanBaby Photos
What a cutey pie! And those cheeks make me want to sqeeze em! He is truly adorable!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-25 18:25:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
YOU KNOW I SEE THAT YOU DONT CARE TO SEE THE TRUTH . I KNOW I WAS NOT ATTACKING YOU IN MY INITIAL POST> I SAID I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE BECUASE I MEANT NO HARM IN THE FIRST POST. I SEE YOU DID NOT READ MY POST WITH A OPEN HEART AT ALL JUST WITH BITTERNESS AND RAGE> I WONT TRY TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU ANYMORE> I KNOW I HAVE LIVED THERE AND GIVEN TO THE POOR THERE, I TOOK CARE OF NEIGHBORHOOD CHILDREN WHILE I WAS THERE AND GAVE TO THEM FREELY BECUASE I CARED. YOU HAVE READ MY POST WRONG AND I WILL STAND BY THAT. THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL ME NAMES AND INSULT MY TRUE INTENTIONS IS EVIDENCE THAT YOU JUST WANT TO CREATE HAVOC AND NOT PEACE. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU REPRESENTED YOURSELF ON THE BOARDS BEFORE BUT I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING FAIR NOW, YOU DID NOT READ MY POST RIGHT AND I SEE YOU WILL NOT TRY TO. I AM INNOCENT HERE AND CAN PROMISE THAT ON MY LIFE TIMES 10. I AM SORRY YOU WONT TRY TO SEE THINGS DIFFRENT BUT FRANKLY I DONT CARE . I WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE AND LEAVE ME ALONE. BECUASE I AM THROUGH POSTING ANYTHING ELSE ON THIS TOPIC. NOT FOR YOUR SAKE BUT FOR MINE BECUASE THIS IS ONLY MAKING ME FEEL BAD WHEN I KNOW I ONLY MEAN WELL. PEACE
QUOTE (Sylvia_n_Joseph @ Jun 21 2008, 11:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The popcorn will go well with that hateraide you are drowning in .

This country has allowed people to be whatever they are willing to WORK to be. It takes a lot of work to get ahead. But it is because of that ability to rise that the Nigerians prosper here in this country. As do every other immigrant group that puts in a lot of hard work. That is the reason people come here. They hope they can put their hard work, their ideas to the test and improve their lots in life. People come here that live comfortably in their home countries for that reason. People here can be born in one class and move themselves into another if they are willing to work at it.
The way you are talking about Nigerians and the "myths" about their poverty I must ask have you ever been there ? I don't see how anyone that has been there can say that people there are not in general extremely poor. Yes there is a class of people that are well off. There are the scammers that run around spending their mystery income like rock stars. You go to the villages and you see simple earthen or brick dwelling overshadowed by the huge mansions that the expatriates return to build. You see people drag themselves in the street for lack of a wheel chair. Many sell whatever they can during traffic holdups just to try to survive. The AVERAGE income is under 2000 USD a year. Only the poorest person here wouldn't think that the average Nigerian isn't poor.
I have contributed through KIVA and WomanfroWoman. I research affordable rugged wheelchairs and
embassy grants . I learned about Nigeria years before I met Joseph. I have been to meetings in southern California honoring officals here on travel . What have you done for this country you love so dearly ?

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 23:09:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
AND ONE MORE THING>>>>>> I DONT HAVE THE EMOTICON BUT I AM PASSING OUT THE POPCORN **************THERE IT IS DONE! ENJOY
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 22:27:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
AND ONE MORE THING FOR THE SAKE OF MY TEMPER... HOW MANY AFRICANS DO YOU KNOW< HAVE YOU EVER LIVED IN NAIJA FOR ANY AMOUNT OF TIME< HOW MANY AFRICANS HAVE YOU BEFRIENDED, HOW MUCH HAVE YOU READ AND LEARNED ABOUT AFRICA BEFORE DECIDING TO "LOOK IT UP" BASED ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I LOVE NAIJA AND THE PEOPLE AND WOULD NEVER BE PREJUDICE AGAINST THE MAN I LOVE ,NOR MY DUAGHTER< NOR THE CONTINENT OF MY FAMILIES BIRTH. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT NIGERIANS LOVE THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE AND ARE VERY SUCCESFUL AND AMBITIOUS> WHAT IS PREDJUDICE IN SAYING THAT??? YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT PREJUDICE THEN JUST LOOK TO THE PAST AND THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED THROUGHOUT HISTORY TO AFRICANS< AFRICAN AMERICANS< NATIVE AMERICANS< AND LOW INCOME EUROPEANS> THAT WAS PREJUDICE. DONT EVER CALL ME PREJUDICE AGAIN... DONT EVEN GO THERE WITH ME LADY!!! NOW YOU SEE.... I CAN SAY WHAT I REALLY WANT TO.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 22:21:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
WHERE SHOW ME!!!! SHOW ME PREJUDICE. I EVEN SAID MY RESPONSE WAS ONLY TO THE COMMENT REGARDING PEOPLE IN NIGERIA MAKING LESS MONEY!! I WILL SAY WHAT I WANT TO NOW BECUASE I AM SICK OF THIS >>>>DONT TELL ME WHAT I AM ACTING BECUASE I DONT ACT FOR ANYONES BENEFIT> I WILL SAY IT AGAIN DONT GET IT TWISTED BECUASE I AM NOT AFRAID NOR ASHAMED TO SAY WHAT I FEEL UNLESS IT IS WRONG AND BEING THAT MY POST REALLY WAS NOT AIMED AT YOU PERSONALLY I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE> DONT CALL ME PREJUDICE CUASE YOU DONT KNOW ME JUST LIKE I SAID I DONT KNOW YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND>> YOU HAVE COME OUT AND CALLED ME A LIAR AND A BIGGOT EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IN MY HEART I WAS NOT ATTACKING YOu
QUOTE (Sylvia_n_Joseph @ Jun 21 2008, 10:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I see it is hard to cry fowl when you mention me by name and include my initial post in yours. It was a very pointed personal attackeven though you try to act innocent through denial. I read your post several times tying to figure out why someone would be so prejudiced.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 22:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
And by the way I am on disability due to a condition I cannot help. I dont see where I implied that you were! Being that I am. In fact I dont imply things!!!! I am real and will say what I REALLY want to say. I dont beat around bushes and certainly would not have done that in this case. No one has to give me credit for anything and I am not asking for it but in this case I will say GIVE ME CREDIT FOR ONE THING.... I DO NOT IMPLY THINGS , I DO NOT THROW JABS, I DO NOT SAY ONE THING WHEN I MEAN ANOTHER. IF I CAN FACE A MACHETE IN NIGERIA TO PROTECT MY CHILD DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE THAT AFRAID OF ANYONE HERE THAT I WOULD NOT COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY WHAT I WANTED!!!!!!! DONT GET IT TWISTED NOW
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 21:55:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
I will quit posting here becuase no one ever really reads what someone says. I emphatically told you this post was not aimed at you but for someone new to this kind of relationship. It really suprises me how somone can post somthing with the mildest and sincerest intent and then get jumped all over by somone who did not even take the time to read what was really said but heard only what they wanted to hear. Didnt you read anything I said about this not being about you!!!!!!!!!!!! DId you see where I said this was only concerning the myth about income in NIgeria. I am sick and will say it again sick of this GARBAGE. Sick of people that just want to start somthing. I never talked about you or your husband, hence the reason for me letting you know that in the beginning. I give up on this ridiculous #######!!!
QUOTE (Sylvia_n_Joseph @ Jun 21 2008, 09:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are right You have no idea of my relationship. We have known each other for years and I have known the family for over a decade. I have never implied that Joseph is lazy or going to live off me when he gets here. My comment about him not making as much as I do is a reference to my income level. I am not some welfare mom or some little old lady living on disability, so lonely for company and praying someone will drop a paycheck in my lap. Those are the types that will frustrate a hard working man as a burden and will find their home empty once again.
I am not sure why you singled me out, maybe you have something against interracial marriages but whatever you trip is that is fine. Joseph has long admired white features and that is part of what makes us tick as a couple. He has never really cared for the type of woman that spends hard earned money on hair and nails. His education there is as a construction costing manager. He made a decent wage by Nigerian standards. He was never one of those Nigerians I have had contact with that have money for things and could never quite explain how they got it. ( To me magic money spells scammer ) Right now there isn't much call for construction here in southern California so he will probably work out of his specialty. Maybe do a switch to something else. Either way he is looking working in a new country and will not be paid as a highly experienced , highly educated employee straight off.
I am not heading for a free fall by any means. Joseph is not well off in Nigeria but he was doing the best he could. He owns a couple of pieces of property that as of right now don't have dwellings on them. He is older and unmarried because when he was younger, he paid bride price for a woman, educated her and lost her to an automotive accident while she was doing her youth corp service. I have been to where she is buried on the family property. We have talked about plans for both properties as well as caring for his parents ( he is the oldest son so that falls on him ) We have talked traditions such as head shaving if he predeceases me. His father has broken a kola nut in my honor. His youngest brother and I hit off well because we are both electrical engineers. Another is a doctor. Joseph has given a lot to make sure they didn't have to leave school due to lack of money and never asked me for anything. Why would I at this point develop a sense of cheapness and tell him to reschedule an interview over a few hundred dollars. We want to be together so if for a bit more money comes out of my pocket I am fine with it.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 21:34:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow much, is too much?
I am not bashing you or your relationship so please before I post please dont take this the wrong way.In fact this post is not aimed at you. I am only using it becuase of the comment regarding salery. For your relationship this may be fine becuase only you know your husband,the arrangements you have made and your personal finances, however for some this kind of thinking is how soo many women got and continue to get into trouble in their relationships. They immediatly assume that they are not making the kind of money we make here and that they are proving their love and devotion by "helping out". Let me tell you somthing(in a good way) I have been around Africans all my life. All of my friends are Africans and I have NEVER dated anyone but African men. I was in a long term and I mean long term relationship with a Nigerian before my first marriage. Nigerians LOVE money. In my opinion even more than the average Joe. They are very resourcefull, hardworking, go getters. They get educations rival to the Japanese. They are smart and take pride in success. Jobs may be hard to come by in Naija but let me tell you that most have emplyment becuase they will hustle(in a good way) to get money. They will sit by the road and make phone calls just to get by. In fact I have met more extremely wealthy Nigerians than I have of Americans.

Dont get me wrong, there is extreme poverty in Africa but there are many who are also wealthy or at lease middle class and making it. So many people have steryotypes about what Africa really is and immediatly assume that their boyfriend, fiance, or spouse are making little to nothing and need their financial support. Then with complete abandon start sending money, assuming the role of provider, and taking on a responsibilty that should be shared. Then they get into trouble when their SO gets here and expects the same thing.

I know for a fact that marriage and family is quite a big deal to Nigerians. Most men do not marry at an early age becuase they cannot afford a spouse and family. They do not usually consider marriage until they have enough income to care for such a task. That is why I warn so much about getting involved with a man that says he needs money or accepts his partner taking on the responsibility of such things. It is diffrent if you have disscused this and made arrangements on who will pay what and when. But I must admit I have a problem when the men are allowing their SO to take on the total responsibilty. My husband was upset with me when I started the immigration process and paid the fee and didnt tell him. He promptly sent me the money back and has said he will conintue to pay for the rest of the journey. I have offered to even go in half but he does not agree to this and says he will have faith in God that when the time comes, so will the money. I am not trying to compare my relationship with anyones, I am just giving an example of what we have discussed. Everyone is diffrent and everyones marriage is diffrent, however I must warn women new to these kind of relationships not to assume and rush in based on the idea that their man "needs" them. Be patient, and dont try to jump in and be captain save a homey.

I hope you will not think I am implying this of you Sylvia , like I said I know nothing of your marriage, but I think putting this message out there can be detremental to a newcomer who may or may not be in a bad situation. This applies for everyone though whether in a relationship with a foreigner or someone on the home front. It all comes down to keeping your senses until he has proved himself and saving the freefall for later.
QUOTE (Sylvia_n_Joseph @ Jun 21 2008, 12:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
There is a vast difference of incomes between us and them. Most of our men don't come close to making the same money we do even if they have the same type of job. Joseph is a hard working, mid wage person in his country. Which means he still fights employers that try the " I will pay you next week/month " and the lack of things I consider basics such as electricity and hot water. He is also a man of great faith that we will get through this without spending money for repeated trips. I have sent money for his birthday and the holidays. He hasn't asked for more. I will be paying for the ticket and AOS and the marriage and possibly some of the fees to complete this part of the journey. He is trying his best to cover the rest of his expenses there but we think his employer has caught on to his reason for missing work. He has not collected his pay in a month so his small savings are vanishing. So far we are sneaking by, hoping for approval because his flat is paid for until Oct and we don't want to have to pay again ( 1800 USD a year )
When he arrives I know it will take a while until he is settled in a job. But even then I doubt he will ever be the major wage earner in terms of $$ and that is fine I make enough to not worry about sponsoring him. What he earns will add to the income of the household and enable us to build structures on the land he owns there, which is good for families on both ends. I did not meet him online, in fact this whole thing has proceed basically without the benefit of internet.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 19:01:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanCongratulations Bassi and Zainab
dancin5hr.gif HERCULES ,HERCULES, HERCULES!!!!! Thats great news Congrats
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-24 11:48:00