ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Africa: Sub-SaharanMarried almost 5 years!

please post the questions that they asked your hubby at lagos embassy


This was my husbands 3rd interview so he wasnt asked much. He was asked "do you have the requested documents"
:lol:. He was also asked "have you ever talked to your mother in law", well I would guess so after 4 1/2 years :bonk:
At the first interview he had in 2008 he was asked the following:

Where did you meet

What does your wife do for a living, I am on disability so they asked him what is my illness

How many children and what are their names

What is their fathers name

How old are they

At the second interview they asked him:

What does your duaghter say when she talks to you on the phone

What is your wifes illness(again) and what kind of illness is that. What are the symptoms.

The questions they ask are random but they are all questions that should be fairly easy to answer. Like I have yet to hear them ask "what is your spouses blood type" or "is their second toe longer than their big toe" :lol: Nothing crazy like that.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-04-02 23:27:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMarried almost 5 years!
I really appreciate the responses, however the best part is seeing that sharing my story has really helped so many of you that are struggling in this journey. You all have brought tears to my eyes tonight.

I feel what so many of you all are still going through. Sometimes I cleaned my house to pass the time, sometimes I broke stuff in my house becuase of feeling so helpless, sometimes I cried, sometimes I shouted, sometimes I couldnt talk to my husband on the phone becuase the pain of being seperated was too great, and others if my husband had to hang up too soon I would throw a tantrum :crying:.

I know some days this process will seem as if it is just too much to bare and you will feel like cutting your losses and moving on. I know how it will feel when you come to VJ and see your fellow petitioner overjoyed that "their spouse just arrived", all the while you dont even know when the embassy will respond to your email or inquiry.I know how it feels but like I said before dont give up becuase one day it will be your turn to get that early morning call with your hubby/wifey on the phone saying "baby we got it"!

Hang in there and keep enduring, your day is coming! (L)
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-04-02 23:14:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMarried almost 5 years!
Most of you will not remember me but I have been around VJ since about 2005 maybe 2004 cant remember. Anywho, I married my hubby in 2006 but becuase of family issues we seperated for 2 years. In 2008 we reunited and began this journey. The time apart again took its toll but my husband and I still tried to make things work.

December 12, 2008 our first interview occured. We were given the form 221g asking for a DNA test. Due to money issues my husband and I were unable to pay for the DNA. A whole year passed and finally in Dec of last year we were able to come up with the money but we were unsure if our petition was still valid. In the meantime we decided to call NVC and see if we could go down the IR-1 path since so much time had passed. With all thanks to God not only was our case still open in Lagos but our I-130 was still active at NVC and this was well over a year of applying.

My duaghter and I got the DNA but my husband had to wait till Feb 19th just to take his portion. Then we had to wait till the 15 of March before they called us back to the embassy. Through all of this God aranged for the NVC to finish our paperwork at NVC March 1 and the same day our interview was scheduled through the NVC the embassy called us calling my husband back on the 17th of March. We were overjoyed but our joys turned to pain when they again sent him away asking for an affidavit of support and my divorce decree. All of which was supplied.

Then to make matters worse the embassy emailed me rescheduling our interview for the 13th of april. Or so we thought. Through much prayer at the last minute I decided to advise my husband to appear for his April 1st interview anyway. Well things didnt go as expected. They went even better and today my husband was approved for his visa.

The interview they scheduled for the 13th was in fact for his return on our K-3 case. Had he not attended his interview today my husband may not have gotten the visa and we may have had more delays.

So after almost 5 years of marriage my husband and I will be reunited next week! The moral of the story. Never give up! Never give up! Never give up! Also have faith in God and trust in him for everything!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2010-04-01 22:40:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing our good news
I have not had time to stop by until now but i wanted to drop a quick note to everyone and say thank you so much for your comments of support and encouragement whether on the board or in private message. I am really greatfull. I hope and pray everyone is doing well in their journey whether it is just beginning or you have been at it for many years. I pray everone has success.

To Zee Bee I look foward to your successfull delivery as well. I know you must be very excited. Thanks again to everyone!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2011-06-02 14:42:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing our good news
Off topic but I wanted to share with my VJ Family the birth of our son Daniel Ugochukwu. He was born Tuesday at 3:15. I just came home this evening after experiancing some serious complications but thanks to Jehovah God our son was entirely healthy and he helped me make it through a rough 6 days.I am now able to recover at home with my family and we are so excited about our new edition.

Here is a picture of our little coconut.
http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/hospitals/healthalliance/babypage.asp?urlid=7605374311


I hope everyone is doing great and I pray that you all are also experiancing new joys with your families everyday.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2011-05-29 23:07:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWhich is the better route? K-1 or IR-1/CR-1
I love Nigerian food and will eat just about anything except the "salad" with the goat intestines and anything out of a goat head lol. But I too got sick off of the roadside food there and had an extremely embarressing bus ride from Lagos to Aba. I wont go into details becuase I dont want to make anyone sick on VJ.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2011-05-21 21:28:00
USCIS Service CentersVermont Service Center Fillers
I think the poster realizes that now without our observations. Sorry you paid so much. The one time "you get what you pay for" does NOT apply.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-20 19:48:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanpolice certificate
Thank you everyone so much for your abundance of imformation. Thats why I love this site blush.gif
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-09 13:21:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanpolice certificate
I am really confused! Since I am at Vermont and they do not seem to be approving the I-129 for K-3 I am getting things in order for a I-130 approval. My question is what kind of police report is actually needed to send to NVC? I have read that they require a local police clearance as well as one from the passport agency but when I looked it up at uscis website it gives instructions on how to get a police clearance and it says you have to write to a place in Ikoyi? I am so confused. What do I really need to have my husband get? Is the local report the one he will get from Ikoyi? Will he still have to go to a passport office and get one from them as well? Or is the one from Ikoyi the only one he needs and how much is it going to cost him to get it? Oh and also one more thing, does he really only need to write to them to get it or does he need to travel to lagos and get it in person? He is in Aba and thats a looong trip so I am hoping he wont have to do that. OHHHHHHHHHH this immigration mess is so confusing. I just want my husbaaaaannndddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crying.gif blink.gif crying.gif blink.gif wacko.gif This is making me crazy!
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-05-08 20:53:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSTOP DRINKING"HATER"AIDE BEFORE POSTING ON VJ
"The lady" I was reffering to was lonly for lagos. Just thought Id add that since when I typed my first response I forgot her screen name and was a little vague
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 11 2008, 08:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the lady that posted that response had some valid points but so does the topic poster. If this is a public forum then shouldnt everybodies opinion be valid? Drama is never good whether it comes from someone who is wrong or someone who thinks they are right . I believe that everyone here has the right to express themselves whether they have the whole story or not. I have been a member of VJ since 2004 or 2005 I dont remember when I joined for sure but I do know that being able to express oneself and getting advice and diffrent viewpoints and experiances is what used to make this place a valuable source to come to. Now it seems to be all about the drama and judgments, catfights, and mess. But since we have so many bible readers on this sight I guess we should all be aware that the world is changing and people are becoming lovers of self, self assuming, and haughty. I am sure I will get heat for this post but I miss the old VJ and decided to post my two cents.
QUOTE (Omoba @ Dec 16 2007, 12:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, you are correct about it being a public forum and anyone is of course welcome to add their 0.02 cents.
It baffles me however that someone would think they understand each post in every regional forum or the current possible issues with certain posters.
They do not and then drama and misunderstandings follow.
I know you yourself take issue with things instead of reporting a person and that is what was accomplished here by me and MrsAkindle.
I see no reason to report, neither am I offended enough to ignore. I am simply taking a stand with my opinion. I need no defense.

Though it is puplic, it may be more beneficial to post where one understands the topic fully and can appreciate the current flow and flavor.

I see no defending but I see deliberate positive influence amidst constant negativity from certain posters.
I see a rising up of testimonies of how good God is and how blessed we are.

Have a nice weekend wink.gif smile.gif


4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-11 20:12:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSTOP DRINKING"HATER"AIDE BEFORE POSTING ON VJ
I think the lady that posted that response had some valid points but so does the topic poster. If this is a public forum then shouldnt everybodies opinion be valid? Drama is never good whether it comes from someone who is wrong or someone who thinks they are right . I believe that everyone here has the right to express themselves whether they have the whole story or not. I have been a member of VJ since 2004 or 2005 I dont remember when I joined for sure but I do know that being able to express oneself and getting advice and diffrent viewpoints and experiances is what used to make this place a valuable source to come to. Now it seems to be all about the drama and judgments, catfights, and mess. But since we have so many bible readers on this sight I guess we should all be aware that the world is changing and people are becoming lovers of self, self assuming, and haughty. I am sure I will get heat for this post but I miss the old VJ and decided to post my two cents.
QUOTE (Omoba @ Dec 16 2007, 12:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, you are correct about it being a public forum and anyone is of course welcome to add their 0.02 cents.
It baffles me however that someone would think they understand each post in every regional forum or the current possible issues with certain posters.
They do not and then drama and misunderstandings follow.
I know you yourself take issue with things instead of reporting a person and that is what was accomplished here by me and MrsAkindle.
I see no reason to report, neither am I offended enough to ignore. I am simply taking a stand with my opinion. I need no defense.

Though it is puplic, it may be more beneficial to post where one understands the topic fully and can appreciate the current flow and flavor.

I see no defending but I see deliberate positive influence amidst constant negativity from certain posters.
I see a rising up of testimonies of how good God is and how blessed we are.

Have a nice weekend wink.gif smile.gif

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-11 19:53:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
I think in your love for your fiance and fierce loyalty you are missing the point that many have posted. I remember IDOCARE from many years back, I have been a member for quite some time. I remember her post from as early as 2005. I am very fimiliar with the background on the drama so I am not just coming in on the end of the story. I do not ever recall her bashing anyone in her post. I do not ever remember her saying all Nigerian men are bad. I do not ever remember her saying that everyone here involved with a African man was being scammed. However what I do remember is her doing is telling her story, giving warning signs that people should look for, giving examples of things that seemed"fishy" in her relationship and warning others to look for the similarities.

I remember being a 19 year old in love. It was my fisrt relationship and to me he seemed great, but others saw red flags and the would often try to point them out to me, but being that I was in love I would only get angry, when instead I should have listened. Was it definate that what they saw was going to produce a bad relationship? NO! But had I at least noted what they saw instead of being defensive maybe I would have not fell into a 2 year abusive relationship. Were they somehow more insightfull than I was? Maybe. Were they somehow able to predict how my relationship would turn out? No. But maybe they had already experianced this type of relationship and could see things that I could not. Were they bashing me? No! Were they bashing men and accusing them of ALL being abusive and controlling. No!

It is said that with experiance comes wisdom and undertsanding. A woman that has her first child will not seek out a childless woman for advice will she? She will seek the woman that already has children of her own and has raised them with success. Just like someone would not give out advice on watching out for scammers to a group of women who have already fallen victim.

By saying you will have to face your storm does not imply that everyone here is definatly being scammed. I feel she is remarking to everyone who is aiming personal attacks at her by saying, you may attack me but while you are doing this your back is turned and how can you possible see what may be coming your way. In other words open your eyes! NOT to what IS happening but open them to what CAN happen if you refuse to take off the rose colored glasses. A weather man may not see a tornado or a bad storm but may have heard reports or seen signs of bad weather. He can see the signs and understand them better than a regular person becuase he has been trained to see it and has been around enough bad weather to give a pretty good predicition. He may ruin everyones day by putting out a report of possible bad weather even though he has no proof that the storm yet exists. Would you call in and attack the weather man for sending out the warning and accuse him of bringing negativity to everyones day?

I have said it before and will say it again, I value her posts. I see what she is doing as couragous and humble. She is willing to come here time after time to give warnings to other in spite of being attacked, degraded, and belittled. She is humble enough to share a story that is probably embaressing and humiliating. I can only commend her for that.
QUOTE (Omoba @ Jun 17 2008, 11:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It puzzles me why those who are in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans specifically seek them out.
Would it not be so much easier to just date the man next door in their own cultural environment, in their own hometown ?
Some seek them out over and over again, one relationship after the other while lamenting they are all scammers.
I wonder what the psychological implication is here ! What compels them to do this.


I am done with this 3 ring circus.
To each his own opinion !

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-17 19:34:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
I am sorry you get all this bashing all the time! I am sorry becuase I believe your intentions are well. It is just like a teenage whos mother tells her that her boyfriend is no good. She may have proof or she not not, she may only be going on personal feeling, but any advice is only going to make the teen angry and lash out. Keep doing what you are doing. I have not seen you bash anyone, you are only trying to make valid points and post warning signs. I respect your courage and determination. And if your message help anyone out there than good for you and them.
QUOTE (idocare @ Jun 17 2008, 12:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would love to go on Dr. Phil, Tyra, or any show that will have me to tell my story. Please, do me a favor and arrange it for me, send him all of my post or what ever you want, ( as long as it my personal posting and it's the truth as I wrote it ) I challenge you to get me on one of those shows, maybe you and others can also appear ( and send him what you have written in response to what I've written ) You can reach me thru this site by e-mail or the mail board. If I'm invited to appear I'll jump on it !!!! You have my word right now in this thread. So hook me up girl !!!!!


I'll be waiting for your e-mail with details on how to reach which ever show you may be able to get us /me on.

Thanks, Ms. Ezike

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-17 00:03:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
Right! Lovely aint it!
QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 17 2008, 12:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 17 2008, 12:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I will disagree with thaty. A jab at someone is far diffrent than a expression. That is like saying a bully is only trying to persuade the victim.
QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 17 2008, 12:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 17 2008, 12:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Cant people express themselves anymore?



YEP!! yes.gif people can express themselves that is exactly what I was doing!!!!

So tell me at what point does discrimination become racism ?? When is that EVER ok?


Peace

QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 17 2008, 12:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well 4thelove, Sorry for your former problem...did you ever think that perhaps I might know know to the story of Idontcare...

Peace



And I might KNOW KNOW more than you think.....




You can disagree all you like that is the beauty of an open forum. good.gif

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-16 23:59:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
I will disagree with thaty. A jab at someone is far diffrent than a expression. That is like saying a bully is only trying to persuade the victim.
QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 17 2008, 12:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 17 2008, 12:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Cant people express themselves anymore?



YEP!! yes.gif people can express themselves that is exactly what I was doing!!!!

So tell me at what point does discrimination become racism ?? When is that EVER ok?


Peace

QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 17 2008, 12:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well 4thelove, Sorry for your former problem...did you ever think that perhaps I might know know to the story of Idontcare...

Peace



And I might KNOW KNOW more than you think.....

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-16 23:53:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
Sorry! That was a bit harsh. Ido not know that you are judgemental and I shoudl not have called you that however your response came off like that and I just get tired of people alway fighting and putting each other down here. I hate injustice and unfairness as well. So please accept my apology and judgment of you!
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 17 2008, 12:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Cant people express themselves anymore? I am married to a Nigerian but have 3 african children, one from Ghana, a Guinean, and now a Nigerian but I still realize the validity of their feelings. I am not saying I agree but I can understand why they may feel this way(stories, gossip, rumors, ) whatever the reasons behind it, they have these feelings. I dont think it helps to bash someones feelings. I could bash yours right now but I try to practice what I preach so therefore I am trying to understand where you are coming from(your husband is foreign, you love him, you are protective of his feelings, you hate injustice and discrimination) Whatever the reason, you feel strongly but so does everyone with a opinion. Cant we ever express ourselves without putting the opinion of others down ? Does your husband know you are judgemental? Does my husband know I think Mexican guys are the finest thing since sliced bread? Or that my temper is still pretty bad?
QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 16 2008, 09:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (MaRob @ Jun 16 2008, 04:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Even though I am married to a Cameroonian, I am highly suspicious of most other women's relationships with africans... funny huh? Just because I have a successful one, doesn't mean I recommend it...



How nice for you, your own special brand of DISCRIMINATION, do you plan to market that to others? Does your African husband know about your DISCRIMITORY side?


4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-16 23:51:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
Cant people express themselves anymore? I am married to a Nigerian but have 3 african children, one from Ghana, a Guinean, and now a Nigerian but I still realize the validity of their feelings. I am not saying I agree but I can understand why they may feel this way(stories, gossip, rumors, ) whatever the reasons behind it, they have these feelings. I dont think it helps to bash someones feelings. I could bash yours right now but I try to practice what I preach so therefore I am trying to understand where you are coming from(your husband is foreign, you love him, you are protective of his feelings, you hate injustice and discrimination) Whatever the reason, you feel strongly but so does everyone with a opinion. Cant we ever express ourselves without putting the opinion of others down ? Does your husband know you are judgemental? Does my husband know I think Mexican guys are the finest thing since sliced bread? Or that my temper is still pretty bad?
QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 16 2008, 09:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (MaRob @ Jun 16 2008, 04:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Even though I am married to a Cameroonian, I am highly suspicious of most other women's relationships with africans... funny huh? Just because I have a successful one, doesn't mean I recommend it...



How nice for you, your own special brand of DISCRIMINATION, do you plan to market that to others? Does your African husband know about your DISCRIMITORY side?

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-16 23:42:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVictor Obinna Ezike Jr.
You may not agree with her post but that was so heartless and ugly. I have been married before to a African man from Guinea and he DID use me for his papers. I have experianced this myself so dont be so quick to downplay her story as being merely a HOT CRAZY MESS. Poeple use people for all sorts of reasons and I do NOT believe that all or a majority of Africans use foreigners for a GC, however it does happen and she and I as well have experianced this heart breaking phenominom. I find someone who can laugh at someones pain to be more of a hot crazy mess than what she posted. And this is coming from one self professed hot crazy mess to another! blink.gif wink.gif

I think that you are just angry and bitter, you THOUGHT you had nabbed yourself a DR good.gif you had visions of the good life yes.gif but he figured out what a crazy hot mess you are rofl.gif and he left before you could get your meat hooks all the way in him helpsmilie.gif this is for you GOLD DIGGER...
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-16 23:31:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWords to Live By
Thank you for this thread and your realness. In the heat of the moment many things can be said but we have to remember that our Grand Creator does not judge us and forgives us at the drop of a hat and the things we do to him are countless. We should rely on him to direct our steps in all matters and that includes discussing differing opinions. Always keeping his loving kindness at the forefront of our minds, hearts, and lives. Thanx again for this reminder.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-18 19:24:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanJust need to vent!!!!!
This is all good information, thank you everyone for so freely sharing your stories and personal information. I too am sorry that they have put you and many others on AP. After all the initial waiting is horrible that they make families wait even longer and most times with no explanation. I know having one does not help you feel any better Tess and I am sorry. Just try to have faith that soon your husband will be home. I know with this journey faith is sometimes a hard thing to maintain but that is why I love this site. When are faith is faltering we can come here and read stories of people that have gotten through the dark tunnel and have reached the green pastures on the other side. It gives us that little bit of pick me up that we all need to get through this. So try not worry , even though I know becuase of the unsurity that you will rose.gif Everything will work out.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-20 02:29:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSpeaking of hateraid!
And on that note, this is for anyone and everyone, I do not mind PMs, I just asked that personal attacks be kept to the forum and not my PM box. I can ignore what I want to ignore on the forum but getting it in my box is like invading my personal space. I was not reffering to either of your PMS. If you had offended me I would have told you when I responded. I am speaking to the person that sent the attack and they will certainly know who they are. PPLEASSE try to understand what I am saying. As I said before I do not like drama and I dont like garbage as long as you are not bringing either my way I dont mind. Even if you disagree with me its fine.I hope I am being clear and leaving no room for misunderstanding again.

I think everyone is just stressed with this journey but please lets not take it out on each other. And I will try to calm my temper and practice my own advice
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-18 00:29:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSpeaking of hateraid!
OH my God. Yes I reffered to that statement but was not reffering to your pm as the attack. I recalled what you said about the tail and used it becuase I wanted to say somthing else wich sounded more harsh and thought of that to use instead. Please I dont hold back with what I want to say and if I wanted to write a post about you I would have titled it with your name. I guess I cannot be to angry becuase I didnt ask truthbetold what she meant by her post either that is why I said I am sorry , so please from now on if you missunderstand my intention or post just ask me instead of assuming I am implying somthing I am not. I will do the same
QUOTE (Omoba @ Jun 18 2008, 01:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 17 2008, 11:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have to stand up for myself as I have started to recieve personal attacks in my inbox. I often lurked on this site just to gather information but after some time I decided to post becuase maybe I could help someone else or just offer support. Over time however, whether it be on this forum or others I got tired of seeing the personal attacks and belittlement of others. I usually would keep my mouth shut however I am very sensative to people putting others down. I do not think of myself as a goody two shoes. I have a horrible temper, in the past I would have fought you in the street if you made me angry,I can be selfish, have a bad attitude, and so on and so on. However in trying to please God I really am trying to work on those things.Some are going better than others. In posting this I am not trying to air my dirty laundry, I am just sharing with you all that I know I am not perfect, I am not trying to be perfect and I do not think of myself highly or without sin.

However with that I must say that this forum is supposed to be about support, understanding, and oppurtunity of voice but all I seem to see here is cattiness, bullying, and downright cruelty. The very people that are angred at someone elses "cruelty" are turning around and being cruel themselves. I was told by someone that they do not turn and run with their tail between their legs but neither do I. I am not going to be grouped as a basher when I have never come across as that. I am not going to be put in my place by someone or downtalked to. Eveyrtime I have posted it has been out of caring. I really care about people and their feelings but I demand the same. It seems howvever that some have only read what they want to out of my post and have not tried to get the true undertsanding of what I am trying to say. Why is that if a person does not follow the crowd the crowd has to attack them. I do not agree with everyone and how they are responding to the drama and I dont mind saying it. I am not saying I am someone whos opinion matters becuase the only one who is good and whos opinion matters is our heavenly father! However as the person I am , whether it be right or wrong I hate to sit by silently while people outright bash and degrade other people. On a forum like this where we are all going through this ourney for love I feel we should just agree to disagree.

Hateraid can be drunk by everyone. The person who makes it is no worse than the person who takes it. If I can post my feelings to the forum then please show me the same respect by not sending it to my inbox and posting it on the forum. If you can dish it out then you should be able to take it without resorting to bringing trouble to someones front door. I have bot disrespected anyone here and ask that you respect me.


You refered to me because I was the one who said I would not " tuck my tail and run " in my pm to you.
If you do not wish to receive pm's from me I will respect that.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-18 00:22:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSpeaking of hateraid!
ok, forgive me again if I jumped to conclusions. I said I have a bad temper. I dont mind saying I am sorry. Im sorry heart.gif

QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 18 2008, 12:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (4theloveofhenry @ Jun 18 2008, 12:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
TRUTHBETOLD I wasnt refering to your PM . However I guess you are waiting for your cheering squad to give you a thumbs up. Bring it on then ! I dont need one becuase I could care less what everyone thinks about me. All I know is keep your pms to yourself and keep the garbabge out of my inbox! yes.gif
QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 18 2008, 12:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
eb0dfafc.gif






I did not say that you were referring to my PM I was just explaining how things work and waiting for the cat fight......

But hey that is cool, I wont PM you...

As far as I know I dont have a cheering squad....I work alone.

Peace

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-18 00:04:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSpeaking of hateraid!
Omoba I pmd you back already and I hope that it has settled it and you understand what I was saying. I am not reffering to yours either. I posted this becuase just like the forum dosnt need any strife I dont need any either and everyone seems comfortable posting to the forum just what it is they feel so lets keep it that way. If you cant say it on the forum then dont send it to my inbox. I havnt disrespected anyone in that way and I wont take it from anyone else. Your bluntness does not bother me and I hope mine dosnt either.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-17 23:55:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSpeaking of hateraid!
TRUTHBETOLD I wasnt refering to your PM . However I guess you are waiting for your cheering squad to give you a thumbs up. Bring it on then ! I dont need one becuase I could care less what everyone thinks about me. All I know is keep your pms to yourself and keep the garbabge out of my inbox! yes.gif
QUOTE (Truth be Told @ Jun 18 2008, 12:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
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4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-17 23:50:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSpeaking of hateraid!
I have to stand up for myself as I have started to recieve personal attacks in my inbox. I often lurked on this site just to gather information but after some time I decided to post becuase maybe I could help someone else or just offer support. Over time however, whether it be on this forum or others I got tired of seeing the personal attacks and belittlement of others. I usually would keep my mouth shut however I am very sensative to people putting others down. I do not think of myself as a goody two shoes. I have a horrible temper, in the past I would have fought you in the street if you made me angry,I can be selfish, have a bad attitude, and so on and so on. However in trying to please God I really am trying to work on those things.Some are going better than others. In posting this I am not trying to air my dirty laundry, I am just sharing with you all that I know I am not perfect, I am not trying to be perfect and I do not think of myself highly or without sin.

However with that I must say that this forum is supposed to be about support, understanding, and oppurtunity of voice but all I seem to see here is cattiness, bullying, and downright cruelty. The very people that are angred at someone elses "cruelty" are turning around and being cruel themselves. I was told by someone that they do not turn and run with their tail between their legs but neither do I. I am not going to be grouped as a basher when I have never come across as that. I am not going to be put in my place by someone or downtalked to. Eveyrtime I have posted it has been out of caring. I really care about people and their feelings but I demand the same. It seems howvever that some have only read what they want to out of my post and have not tried to get the true undertsanding of what I am trying to say. Why is that if a person does not follow the crowd the crowd has to attack them. I do not agree with everyone and how they are responding to the drama and I dont mind saying it. I am not saying I am someone whos opinion matters becuase the only one who is good and whos opinion matters is our heavenly father! However as the person I am , whether it be right or wrong I hate to sit by silently while people outright bash and degrade other people. On a forum like this where we are all going through this ourney for love I feel we should just agree to disagree.

Hateraid can be drunk by everyone. The person who makes it is no worse than the person who takes it. If I can post my feelings to the forum then please show me the same respect by not sending it to my inbox and posting it on the forum. If you can dish it out then you should be able to take it without resorting to bringing trouble to someones front door. I have bot disrespected anyone here and ask that you respect me.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-17 23:19:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPrevention
Ok now you know your wrong for that!!! rofl.gif rofl.gif Massa needs to headbonk.gif rofl.gif
QUOTE (BESANGIN @ Jun 21 2008, 01:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well all I know is real. There is no refuting what I went through. My A$$ was reduced to singing Old Negro spirituals to get me out that bed, and slowly handling my business again. Wrote a song about it, want to hear it, here it go... [b]Massa gonna sell me in 'da mo' nin. Massa say my cotton pickin' lo'. He ain't got money to go to 'da stow, so Massa gonna sell me in da mo' nin'![/b]' Course I had to change my tune and I started singing, Independent Woman, I Just Want it to Be Over, and Shoulda Let You Go! Now I know that my situation had a lot of elements rolled into one that made mine a ticking time bomb, but one thing you will always get from me, is me taking responsibility for MY actions. I plain and simply never should have married him. I couldn't see that when I was smokin' crack, but I see it so clearly now. Even if the green card was not an issue we were an issue. We were totally incompatable, and I didn't learn that til afer the fact, DUH!! I had a full body possession by my heart and my kitty kat (meow)! Speak the truth Omoba. We like to think that men corner the market on that, but Our kats can make a ruckus too! ( Did I say that?), The things that I did for him, there is no way in hell I would have done for a man who was already here, legal, and with a job. So I don't know what the HELL I was thinking. I guess crack ain't got nothin' on love when it got it's foot up your A$$! My own personal opinion is that it takes some extroardinary people to pull off long distance relationships, and double that if it relates to a foreign national. I wish mine was one of those. But if you have someone with the same ethic as you ( Not just telling you that 'cause they know what you want to hear) and you know 'cause you observed that behavior over time, then you will be fine. Will you want to knock each other the HELL out sometimes, yes, but make up sex is FANTASTICAL if may quote Flavor Flav!!!! blink.gif Again just be careful, and smart in ANY relationship.



True True
QUOTE (AishaandMusa @ Jun 21 2008, 10:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Everone has given really good tips!! LovinLiberia, I think you really hit it on the head!! If you know African men, they are not beggars in their relationships. They could not have a relationship with an African woman that they could do nothing for. The more you know about the language and culture of the person you are dating, the more you will understand them.

In terms of red flags with dating men abroad, I can only talk about myself and the observations that I would make. I am not the type of woman who can be with a man who needs me financially so he must be nowhere near needy. I would consider dating a man abroad only if the man had perhaps a large business, had an advanced degree or a major way to take care of himself so that he had no reason to want to leave. Everyone from clothing sellers to taximen have professed their love for me. I'm not saying that a guy who is illiterate is not a good guy, just not a guy for me. I guess what I am saying is that my motto is that one should not date someone abroad that they wouldn't date in their own country. If he is a certain age but has nothing going on, why not?

As far as knowing one's SOs family, it is definitely helpful, but entire families can also be in on scams for the future benefit. I guess one can never really know how the family is until they continue to return to their SOs country with nothing in their hands...no gifts, nothing. Simply tell them, I had to work two jobs just to buy the ticket. I was unable to repair my car or do things for my own family to make it here. Once they see over time (at first they will not believe you) that you have nothing to give, they will show themselves to be the wonderful people that you thought they were or they will reveal their true intentions. I am disapointed by people that I think are my friends all the time. They eventually ask for my bag, my shoes, my phone or ask me to sponsor them or write a letter of invitation. Time reveals many things. Take your time. Know as many people around your SO as possible. Know as many people from the country as possible. Visit as often as possible. Talk about wanting to live in their country. Study the language. Pray often.

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 10:46:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPrevention
That is sooo funny. Well not funny but funny about the blond guy bit. Anyway it reminds me of a site my husband and I would lagh at called Ebola monkey man. I think thats what it was called.
QUOTE (LovinLiberia @ Jun 18 2008, 04:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A woman I met was telling me her scam story. She met a guy online who claimed he was an American guy from New York who had gotten stranded in Africa. They started dating online and he began asking her for money to get back to the US. She ended up dating this guy for over a year online. I asked her if she had talked to him on the phone and she said yes, he had an accent, but he told her it was because he had been raised in Africa as a child and she believed him.

Eventually, she made the trip to Nigeria to help rescue her American man only to meet an African man at the airport. Can you imagine they had been dating all of that time and she had no idea what he looked like? She was walking around looking for a tall, blonde guy only to have a Nigerian man greet her. He explained to her that he had been lying to her out of fear (yeah right). She was initially very upset, but the fool decided to stick with him since he had come clean and she was already stuck in Nigeria. 2 years later, she has left him after he sucked her dry of her money. blink.gif Talk about ignoring the red flags...

4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-18 15:13:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPrevention
This post was excellent and you had some wonderful tips, even some I wish I would have followed in ALL my relationships. The one about not telling too much about yourself is excellent. It goes for the profile as well, for those that may meet on dating sites.

For those already in the relationship I would have to say the number one thing you can do is love and respect yourself. If you love and respect yourself then it will stop you from doing things that go against your core beliefs. If you have been looking for a mate to "share" your life with then make sure that the relationship is 50/50. If your partner is taking, taking, taking but not giving back then communicate the things you want and need from them. If you see that they are not willing to make the changes on your behalf then its decision making time. Is this really what you can see yourself doing forever? Is this amount of love somthing you are willing to accept for some time to come or for that matter forever. There is nothing wrong with calling your partner all the time if YOU want to but if they are not making any effort to call you and are just relying on you to initiate the communication then ask yourself if you are willing to accept this or not. If they need help from you and have a financial bind then there is nothing wrong with helping them, but if they are asking you to take care of them becuase of their "situation" then ask yourself are you able to do that, do you want to enter into a relationship where you are caring for your spouse and they are not able to share the responsibilty, and is your partner really ready to enter into a relationship? If your partner is telling you he/she dosnt have a job or cant get money then ask yourself this, "why are they spending their time at a internet cafe" Shouldnt getting money and taking care of themselves be their first priority especially if they are interested in starting a life and possibly family with someone else. This can be used here at home as well. I know that a person in love will do everything possibly to care for and protect the partner he/she loves, so if you find yourself in a bind and he does not at least offer to try to give you assistance then ask yourself if this person is going to be a selfless lover or a selfish one. If he /she is the latter than ask yourself are you willing to accept that for yourself? If so then do not be angry later on when he/she continues on with the pattern. After all you decided to accept it.

The number one thing I could say to everyone in a new relationship is dont start the relationship out doing things you cannot be happy with in the long run. If you find yourself displeased in the begininning then express that displeasure and see what your parnter is willing to do. Do not make excuses for behavior that you find disturbing and do not accept excuses if the excuse does not feel right. But all in all you cannot blame someone else for choices that you have made. In the end if you choose to accept a certain behavior or behaviors from someone then you must be willing to live with those behaviors and not expect that the person will suddenly change what you have accepted. And if you have expressed a need for change and the person does not at least try then dont base your life on that relationship. Get out! Dont walk down the aisle in hopes that things will change becuase marriage dosnt change things. There is no happily ever after. There is only time, patience, work, understanding, and forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness in a marriage.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-18 15:02:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanCan scammer's change????
I think the real question should be (no offense to topic poster) why should we care if they change or not. If we are married to one or involved with one then my first response would be one that would benefit me the most. To protect myself and my family. Whatever they do is between themselves and God becuase only he can, read their heart condition, knows their background and innermost feelings and only he can provide the best justice not us. If they do a 360 once they arrive here and eventually come to love the victim then who would ever know their bad intentions in the first place, hence no harm no foul, however if they do carry out their plan of dishonesty on the victim, then what I said before would apply, only God can correct them and the situation. I would rather spend my time trying to avoid these type of people than trying to fix them.
4theloveofhenryFemaleNigeria2008-06-21 08:02:00