ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusFlower Power

Yeah, CHarles will come in and lock it, but we made it to page 10, so it's all I care about :)
I'm done with this thread.


Sorry, I almost failed to deny this shot from the top of the key.

Some one may lock it but it won't be Charles. He may appear, but not to enter the battle. Every time Charles posts that the sky is blue over the RUB forum, mox sends Ewok 10,000 email, reports, and a spreadsheet citing his lack of objectivity, short-sightedness, and obvious color blindness. The last email said taht Charles should be removed from the moderation team, vj, the entire internet, drawn and quartered, and each piece of him sent into the core of the sun. Not sure what the root is of the conflict, but it is so entertaining that I hope Ewok lets it go on forever :lol:
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-02-22 20:26:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSalt - The Movie
Interesting trailer - we will check it out.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-15 08:42:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

good advice guys but very hard to do when things are cussed and discussed over and over agin ad nauseum! I am a kind, understanding and patient man but only to a point. Ive had to tell her on numerous occasions that all is well and there is absolutely no reason to worry about things so much. She has a lot of "baggage" to sort through, feelings of guilt (we have all this nice stuff and my family has nothing), insecurities about money, insane jealousy (she loves my daughter but hates the fact that I have a child with another woman) etc.....
I dont mean to sound so negative because I love her and am very committed to her but its good to bounce things off of guys whove gone through some of the same stuff.


I should point out here that your reaction to her issues are pretty normal stuff. Like I posted earlier, we have all been there. The jealousy is I think a sign of newlywed insecurity, and if you just keep on telling her that everything is OK it should eventually die down some. The guilt about having nice stuff should too - and hopefully the medicine for it (sending LOTS of money back to mom/son/unidentified poor relation) won't cost too much.

About money. When I visited Belarus the first couple of times, the Belarussian ruble seemed like monopoly money to me. The exchange rate showed me so many zeroes I just lost all concept of reasonable prices - to the joy of several shop owners in Minsk. When Vika started paying attention to our finances (after we married), I was surprised to see that she was having the same funny-money issues with USD. Prices are so radically different here, and we pay bills so differently, use credit all the time, etc. It took her about a year to stop gyrating between "we are rich" and "we are going quickly bankrupt". Neither is true. Gary has lots of similar stories as you see here in RUB, as do others. Vika and I still disagree about leaving a full 15% tip in a restaurant. Time and patience.

Edited by Brad and Vika, 22 August 2010 - 06:41 PM.

Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-22 18:40:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

yeah, the whole son thing has me worried. I really thought long and hard before I began corresponding with a woman with a child but since he was 20 at the time and had a job and a place to live if Svetlana and I ended up together I went ahead with things. We discussed it and he wanted to stay in Belarus since his english isnt good and his friends, family and job were there and Sveta said "no problem, I will see him when I visit".
She stated she never wanted to come to the US and knew nothing about it but after corresponing with me and meeting in person it no longer mattered.
I remember telling her to get on some of the forums and find out about things here but she refused saying she didnt need other peoples opinions and she didnt like the fact that I frequented this forum in search of advice on the visa process.
Well, now that she is here she has been on lots of forums and it has her scared to death. She states that "she came here like a blind kitten" and knew nothing of life here and I should have told her about everything. I dont even know what she is referring to because she knew about my life here and my family etc... so really its nobody's fault but hers for not doing a bit of research before agreeing to marry me.
She is just so supicious of everyting here, like its all going to be taken away at any moment. I come from a great, rather well to do family that is multicultural as well. (My mother is German). All of my family are very close and we all get along great and they accepted Sveta with open arms like another daughter. Sveta just keeps her distance and swears that my mother hates her which I have no idea where that came from since she is the person that has done probaly the most for her other than me.
I guess as you can tell Im very frustrated with the situation but I love her and care for her and like I said before and some of you have said as well in time things will get better.


Frustration is normal, so don't be too hard on yourself. We have all been there. Her reaction is pretty typical too I think. Research would have done almost no good any way. Most Eastern European people seem to have a pretty wide stubborn streak, and have strong personalities. Once she had made up her mind.... Also, ANY Russian speaker will have instant credibility with her for awhile, and you will spend lots of time dealing with comments she reads in forums, and things girlfriends tell her. It may also be the natural tendency of any woman in her situation to vent to her husband, and it sounds like blame - for everything. The more calm and strength she sees from you, the better that will get. Others make a good point about her going back and really appreciating some of the very things she criticizes now. Hang in there.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-21 05:52:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

This thread has been a good read! Svetlana has been here for 10 months and have been married for 8 of those and we have experienced quite the roller coaster of emotions. It seems the two key issues are her family and 21 year old son back in Belarus and her total lack of understanding about $ and finances here. Probably the biggest of the two issues is her son. He specifically stated he had no interest in moving here even though I offered it and of course now its too late to get a visa for him since its been past one year since our K1 approval. Svetlana cant seem to wrap her head around the fact that it will be nearly impossible for him to come and visit here on a tourist visa and her mom is too afraid to "leave the village" to fly here even though she could probably get a visa. This has just about been our undoing on numerous occassions.
Sveta has been driving for a while and has a part time job making only "small money" as she says even though in the same breath she says "I already saved in 4 months enough $ to live for almost 3 years in Belarus! :wacko:
$ totally freaks her out, she always feels she is one step from living on the street and says that if something happens to me my family would kick her out on the sreet and not care about her. I try and explain to her about the life insurance I have that would take care of her if something happened to me not to mention that all the $ in my bank accounts would be her's and the house too.
Before she came here she literally had only one pair of jeans, two dresses and a few shirts and sweaters and 3 pair of shoes to her name and since being here between myself and my family who have taken great joy in helping her/us get our household in order has managed to establish quite a wardrobe;) Although she will rarely wear things since she still has that saving mentality and is afraid to get something dirty.
She just marvels and the cheap prices here and the ability to be able to return things if you dont like them. I/we have purchased and sent back to Belarus tons of shoes, clothes etc...to her family.
Sveta just left for a 6 week trip back home to help with the garden etc... and her suitcases were filled with things for everybody back home. Here is the short list:shoes, clothes, perfume, pencils, towels, blood preasure monitors (for mom and aunt), 5 jars of peanut butter, lots of chocolates, toys and last but not least 3 sets of swimming goggles for her nephew.
Homesickness has been a huge issue at about month 8 until now, Im just hoping that in time she will settle down and realize that this marriage is the best thing that ever happend to her or her family. :thumbs:


Chin up belarus1 - it does get easier. Vika and her girlfriends all say that the process of getting comfy in America takes about three years. The first year they feel terribly homesick, the second they feel torn between two homes and countries, the third they sort it. My wife seems to be a little ahead of the curve at 18 months or so, and I see the salty fish intake (a barometer of comfort - lower being better :lol: ) decreasing steadily. Your wife's issues may work themselves out in time. separation from her son will no doubt still be a point of unhappiness for a while, and I would counsel patience there.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-20 08:04:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

Nothing like a meeting to plan a meeting.


Don't forget the post meeting wrap-up session, or the scheduling conference for the next meeting.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-28 16:36:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

Yeah, or it could be some game to see who will call HER! :unsure: Alla gets nervous if she sits around for 15 minutes and isn't sleeping. She gets nervous if I sit around for 15 minutes and even more nervous when I am sleeping. :lol:

GF called first, saying she was sooo busy, but had to make a PLAN to get together later this week.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-27 22:36:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

I agree the toughest time is maybe from months 4-12 or so (for us, give or take) The first few months are a honeymoon.


I think for Vika it was 6-12 months from arrival. It also depends on her activity level, even now. I understand that people are much more sociable in Eastern Europe (at least I think so). She hates to sit around, and starts getting irritable after a week or so. I just start relaxing after a week of sitting around :lol:.

Right now balloon head is back from Ukraine for four days and hasn't called. It is driving Vika totally batshit. She doesn't want to call first and appear too eager, but the silence is breaking her down. I suspect that for GF, my wife is one of a long list of people to call and catch up with. Lord only knows how long it will take to discuss and savor every moment of her time there :P

Children will eventually jerk a knot in her. Maybe not right away. Once she spends a few sleepless nights when they are sick, she will know what is important.


Maybe so, or maybe the pendulum will swing the other way. I know her husband hopes it will settle her.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-27 19:27:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

What about this balloon head? Does she have any children? I think that is a huge balancing factor. Alla is more concerned about the family and the future for the children, she just is not one to jump off on anything unusual.

Yes, she enjoys the occasional evening out with her friends and shopping, sometimes with me, sometimes without, but it is fairly harmless and she can really shop for hours and not spend more than $25-30 at TJ Maxx or something. Nothing for me to get my panties in wad over and it makes her happy, so why not?


Ballon head is pregnant now, so who knows? With her personality, I think that being tied down will just give her more time to think up goofy schemes. If she and Vika weren't so tight it would be funny to watch. Like I said though, Vika sees the goofiness for what it is - so USUALLY it is pretty harmless.

As to going out, I don't think I raised that issue, but we seem to do basically what you do. Seems to be pretty prevalent around here.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-27 05:10:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

What is she super hot or something?


No.

Alla does not make demands, I have to say in all honesty, she is fairly low maintenance. She earns enough from her translations and interpretations to pay for her misc. personal things and manages to save enough for our vacations, nights out on the town, etc. She keeps the "fun money". There is no sneaking around that I can tell, she will proudly model her latest clothes purchases immediately on arriving home and I better drop everything to watch the "fashion show" or she will say I do not pay attention to her. :o


Honestly Gary, it doesn't sound like she needs to make any demands. She indicates interest in something, and you jump all over it. This probably ensures your relationship will last forever :lol: I would say that you and slim represent the opposite extremes we see on vj. Both seem to work.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-26 15:08:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

Balloon headed girlfriends might not be good for some things, but the one thing they're really good for is positive reinforcement. "I wish I had a husband who helped me pay for all this. I can only imagine if all my money was added to all your husband's money. Wow!"

Now that gets 'em thinking!


Depends on the issue being reinforced, doesn't it? If the message is "I can make my own credit whenever I want, and my husband doesn't need to know about it" for example, I would rather that not be reinforced. That is a real life example of balloon head logic. Maybe it all works out in the end, and GF learns the hard way that the debt is hers too, maybe not. The point is the amount of hassle they both go through - and I do not want that duplicated over here.

This is probably a subject for another thread, but I also want to work with my wife to reach key decisions that effect us both, and we mostly seem able to do that. Balloon head dictates her decisions, and goes to war until hubby surrenders (or it appears that way to me). I have read a few posters on vj who have that sort of relationship, and those relationships don't seem to last long. I still can't figure out if GF is just slow rolling the guy, or if her personality is really that way. Either way it looks grim.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-25 20:03:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

When my wife talks about us being broke I like to remind her how quickly we went through all that money she brought with her when she came here and how she worked to the bone to save and stack up all the millions of bucks she brought in her suitcase. Since she showed up with nothing, the conversation usually ends pretty quickly, even after the same tactic of trying to remind me she left all that good stuff behind. "If it was so good, why didn't you bring all your savings with you?"


I hear you. Vika had no savings to speak of, but I gather that your wife was making Western World good money before. I also think that the term "good stuff" is pretty subjective to start with, and subject to change without notice. Er, I mean subject to change by her as each conversation dictates :lol: For all of that, we are still both very happy with the situation, and she will resume class and look for a job (or think about looking) when she comes back from Ukraine this fall. I have zero problems with her working, but would prefer she have decent hours and work in a safe place. Since balloon head (I mentioned her GF earlier) does as she pleases with almost no help or guidance from her husband, sometimes she passes goofy ideas around, and spirited discussions occur in our house. Less and less of that as time goes by, and Vika sees the situation clearly. It just takes time to get the lay of the land.

Edited by Brad and Vika, 25 July 2010 - 09:22 AM.

Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-25 09:21:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

My wife pulls the same ####### but I remind her CitiBank won't necessarily accept her payment.


The concept of barter is still alive and well :lol: Vika used to talk about moving away from her family and a great job as figuring into the equation somehow. That got old after awhile. Now I have to talk her out of goofy temp jobs in unsafe areas that her balloon-headed best GF is constantly advising her to try.

Oh #######! That reminds me, aforementioned balloon head is due back from Ukraine next week. My days of peace are almost over.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-23 06:54:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?

We have a lot of drama over money. I'm a firm believer in the biggest "this is how it's done here" of all, and that is - she pays her fair share.


I can only imagine the hysterics in my house at the mere suggestion...
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-17 05:40:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?
Sounds like a pretty common theme. As my wife gains greater understanding of what living here is all about, there seems to be less and less trouble getting the financial stuff. It was both stressful and amusing to watch here ping-pong from "we are rich" and "we are poor" early on. I found that it helped to get her involved early in the bills and accounts. She still doesn't solo with finances, but she comes back to me with better questions every month. The whole concept of mailing a check was new (why not just go to the office or bank and pay that bill?). Because that is the way it works here sweetie.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-16 14:16:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusUkrainian Couples... What did you bring?
I don't get too involved when Vika shops for clothes or shoes. We find my participation painful for us both :lol: When she returned to stay, I took an extra suitcase, and she effectively brought three back. Every time she goes, some new stuff and some old stuff comes back. We shipped nothing.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-07-11 12:37:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusTied the knot

I will share pictures as soon as they're shared with me...

That ain't right - but we understand :lol:
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-28 11:01:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusTied the knot
Well done Shaun! Wedding pics? Love to see 'em.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-25 17:43:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusOne year later....

yes, brad, he has adjusted well. he still has his opinions about the same kinds of things americans look down on americans for, but other than that, life is all about our little family now!

What, for example? Vika has this pet peeve about our love of fast food.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-28 08:13:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusOne year later....
Very nice! Enjoy the rest of the summer - and stay cool. Has Dima completely adjusted now? We don't hear much about non-USC men, and what they go through.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-28 06:43:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusOne year later....
Wow. This thread didn't even make it to page two before it degenerated.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-06-04 18:44:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusOne year later....
Good to see you around Amber! I confess, I was the one who ratted us all out :devil:
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-06-03 18:24:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarusthey'll steal it if it isnt tied down

How big is your tub?? If I get neck deep in my tub, my junk is floating up above the bubbles. That's right, I did just give you that image! :devil:

The part that should be cleanest. FOOOOOO!!
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-03 18:07:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarusthey'll steal it if it isnt tied down

Or she'll just totally ignore everything and do it her own way.


Nah! Never happens.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-02 18:56:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarusthey'll steal it if it isnt tied down

When Sergey was learning to drive, just a couple weeks ago, a deer ran across in front of him and he didn't react at all. I said "I am glad you did not swerve off the road for the deer, but you CAN try to stop" He said "No, I heard you can EAT them if you kill them. Is it true? I was hoping we would get some deer meat!" I told it him it was not a good way to get deer meat and he said "Why? Does it break the car?"


Show him some deer vs. car pictures from the web Yuck!

I need to get him one of those "Road Kill Cafe" T-shirts. Hmmm...wonder what Alla's reaction to a dead deer we hit with the car would be? It could be that ear piercing scream or it could just be "ah yes, fresh meat, that is the best kind, no hormones or antibiotics"


Deer in Vermont must be healthier than those around here. :)
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-29 12:48:00
Russia, Ukraine and Belarusthey'll steal it if it isnt tied down

She asked once "what is wrong with this place, there is animals everywhere, can't they keep them in the fence?" :help:


I got the same sort of comments about critters like ducks at first. Vika would say things like "why are there so many ducks in this park? Don't the homeless people eat them?". The east end of the city has no homeless population at all. Her reasoning that the wild duck supply should draw the homeless here still makes me laugh.

Edited by Brad and Vika, 29 August 2010 - 08:43 AM.

Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-08-29 08:42:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusAnyone had this happen at Moscow embassy??

And NOW we know why they break stuff...stress tests.

Thi is just too funny. :rofl: :rofl:


Stress testing appliances or American men? :rofl:
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-06-01 20:23:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusAnyone had this happen at Moscow embassy??
OMG they ARE spies! That explains everything! :rofl:
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-06-01 19:54:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusAnyone had this happen at Moscow embassy??

And, stupid mistake, we didn't even make a photocopy of the visa before he gave it back....argh. hindsight is 20/20 :-(


Don't worry about it. The visa will remain in his passport even if it is cancelled. No one will remove pages from his passport, or intentionally damage a page. If they cancel the visa, it will be in his passport with a cancel stamp and a code on it. The code ties to the consular reg. code reason for denial.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-05-25 16:01:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusAnyone had this happen at Moscow embassy??

Good advice Brad. If you use congressional help and they CAN help, then you have to "let go the wheel" and let them do their thing which does not happen overnight.

Anther thing you need to be aware of is that they CAN do this at any point actually and my guess is that if it hadn't happened now, it would have for the AOS process...and still could. I do recall one case similar to this where a fiance from Canada got his visa, but was turned back at the border when he tried to enter the US because of some similar thing. It is not over, really, until he becomes a citizen. Though I imagine once you get past this hurdle, whatever it is, it ought to get better.


Good thought about the AOS Gary. To the OP, collect all the documentation you can about this situation along the way. Save all the email, letters, etc. in hard copy for the interview and POE - just in case. Sometimes flags in the State Dept. computer system are taken out by consular, but I would be nervous that, with this amount of time in the system, there might be issues clearing passport control or AOS if the computers don't scrub data the same way.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-05-25 12:43:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusAnyone had this happen at Moscow embassy??
Looks like you are getting great advice here. I can't speak to anything Russia specific - but I would think twice before accusing the Dept. of State of holding a Russian passport hostage, as was suggested above. They are wrong (obviously), but if you pressure them about keeping the passport you might get it back immediately with the visa canceled and an invitation to apply again. Then the Congressional Aide would get "we had no choice, he wrote us and demanded his passport be returned". Let the political help you have enlisted run its course. It might just be a mixup over his name or something. Good Luck!
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-05-24 19:04:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusTwo weeks and all is well
Congratulations dude :dance: :dance: Good to hear from you again too.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-06 09:31:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSad little article

The court you worked at?


Toledo Muni
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-07 19:48:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSad little article

See, I have to disagree with this. Because, to me, if the judge is going to shoot the guy, he has to shoot the girl too. In my eyes, they're both equally responsible for this crime.


It was in Ohio anyway :lol:
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-07 16:42:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSad little article

Also, I highly recommend ???? and ???? 2. ???? has an interesting sub-plot about beaten women in Russia. Overall, I think both movies are quite well done and I think they are a couple of the more thought provoking shoot-em-up movies that I have seen.


Got 'em. My Russian isn't good enough to follow the dialogue though. Vika won't watch movies like that either.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-06 21:46:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSad little article

Both of us have experience with this in our own families.

While I won't disagree one bit that it "builds up" to violence, hardly ever is someone killed in the first episode of violence. It's typically only after YEARS and YEARS of violence, and that's where the "stupid" part comes into play.

See, this is why I can't feel empathy for DV situations. They all say the same thing. "Oh, he's not going to do it anymore. He can change. He's not like that. We were fighting about XXXXX and now XXXXXX has been taken care of. That's all said and done with." Well, what happens when she gets drunk with his brother? Yep. They all start fighting and the same cycle continues.

If you're in a Jerry Springer relationship.... I don't feel sorry for you. There is exactly ONE person in this world who is in charge of your happiness. ONE. If you're not happy, that's on you.


I worked in a city court house for about a year while in grad school, and saw that very thing about a thousand times. Battered wife (usually) standing in court with a black eye and her arm in a sling telling the judge how she won't press charges because he really loves her and didn't mean it. The judge (female) would respond with something like "ma'am, you know that he is eventually going to kill you, right?", and the woman would sometimes cry, and ALWAYS deny that.

Now there are plenty of battered spouses who do walk away from those situations, but lots of others have such low self-esteem that they can't, or won't. Sometimes the best thing for them are shelters where they can escape - hopefully before the beating is finished. Most of the low self-esteem group WILL run when they see the beatdown coming at least.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-06 19:23:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSad little article
I think accessories to murder might be going a bit far :lol: I also think that the state the men are in is sad. What kind of pathetic knit-wit makes a habit of bringing pain to the person closest to them? They aren't animals (nor are the victims). These guys must be miserable too. Sad. I agree that the victims need a place to be safe - for a start.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-04 10:58:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusSad little article
That IS sad. I can't help wondering about the backstory though. The men probably didn't go off all at once.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-03 18:05:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusDone
Congrats slim!
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-09-11 12:06:00
Russia, Ukraine and BelarusTravel On Green Card

I understand that a green card holder can travel to Mexico and Canada without a visa. I want to plan a vacation with my wife to the Caribbean or Latin America, and wondered if anybody knows what countries she can travel to without a visa. We have already traveled to Dominican Republic, which I know that she can do even without a green card, so we are looking for another place. Thanks.


We took a caribbean cruise last year, and had no trouble getting into any island regardless of the affiliation of the island. Vika has a 2 year GC and a Ukrainian passport. Dutch, French, US, and independent all worked out. I was told that the islands usually waive, or have really liberal requirements for all visitors. It is pretty easy to check online any that you want to visit.
Brad and VikaMaleUkraine2010-10-30 09:10:00