Forum	Title	Content	Member	Sex	Country	Date/Time
Philippines	Greencard and Social Security Card	My wife passed her interview and now waiting for her passport to be returned with her visa. IS there anything else needed to be done for her to receive her Green Card and SS card? The Social Security offices are staffed with really poorly trained employees, and in our case a very malicious one too who enjoyed trying to interfere every way she could in our obtaining it. Over the years here I have seen more complaints and horror stories from the SS offices than anything else - people leave their communities and go to other places where the staff actually knows what they are doing... having to get congressmen involved (in our case even that didn't work). First they claimed my wife was not eligible and we had to get a supervisor, and show them the rules. Then they filled out their forms incorrectly twice. Then they lost our file, then refused to allow us to fill out another application since we had already filled one out that they couldn't find. Then they actually asked us to commit a felony by changing our I-94 stamp. Our congressman could not make them do anything. Finally a new employee came to work for them and the first time we saw her she completed the form correctly and got us her social security number. Her supervisor tried to stop her but she showed her supervisor the printed rules and said she was going to follow them. They never answered their phones. They did not call back despite saying they would if you left a message. Basically you have to know their job better than they do and be prepared to fight like a bulldog unless you are lucky enough to get an employee that knows what they are doing. Try to get information from other people who have experience with your local office. If they say to go to a different office - then do it.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-13 01:14:00
Philippines	Medical Concern	The moderators have been successfully manipulated into encouraging that which should have long ago been banned.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-16 14:17:00
Philippines	K1 Cost Estimates	Some how there is an extra 1000 in fiancee column, its should be 4873 not 5873 so then the total should be 7678 not 8678, you over charged yourself lol Maybe he didn't have room for the "mistress" column in there and combined it with the wife.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-16 19:11:00
Philippines	hypothetically speaking	Two ways to handle things in life: We let our ego control us or we control our ego! This is called a chiasm. You see preachers using it a lot to make logical fallacies appear like wisdom. A chiasm has symmetry like a poem does. In this case you have used the form ABBA. Because of the symmetry, it is pleasing to the ear, just like a rhyme or a song. Another example for silly illustration: Don't dip your wick, or your wick will dip you. In this way, you can make any ridiculous thing sound "catchy". People with feeble minds give far too much weight to chiasms. I feel pity for a man when his ego dictates his life. The more your scratch your rash the more it will itch. (Ego in action) My 2 cents! The interesting thing about this personal attack - and it is the second one - is that you are insisting to be the forgiving one; the one with the sense of humanity; the gentleman suffering stoicly. But there's nothing gentlemanly about these personal attacks. They don't bother me because I am a student of manipulation and understand what the objective is here. I am invited to feel ashamed of myself. (It's called "shaming", and the irony is that the manipulator strikes at your ego with the shaming tactic whilst saying you should not let your ego control you!) So you know that's why I point out the chiasm above. Because it is like using a poem to conceal an attack on a person's ego in order to manipulate them. It is actually the exact opposite of what it pretends to be and is therefore highly deceptive - it uses your ego against you while claiming to be the advice of not letting your ego get the best of you. Dissecting manipulation is fascinating to me so thanks for the opportunity. The backdrop to this whole relationship drama has been the insinuated theme that she is manipulating you for an immigration visa. But the record has been created by you, and it contains an awful lot of manipulative tactics - all the cryptic statements instead of frank, clear communication... insinuation and allusions instead of plain facts. The speaking in riddles and the shaming, guilt-tripping etc. like above. After instilling doubts in our minds with all these red flags, then you've attacked us for having the doubts you put in our minds in the first place. Classic. She may indeed be manipulative, but there's no doubt that you are, and I don't mean it as a personal attack. But rather, we are being manipulated here and whatever the whole story is - we're not getting it. One possibility is that all the cryptic red flags are just little plays you're making. I don't know. The only one who knows is the one concealing things behind the cryptic insinuations and these manipulative responses. Cheers.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-17 17:44:00
Philippines	hypothetically speaking	I feel pity for those who lost the sense of humanity and the are of forgiving. Good luck nailing your nail. OK I have been successfully manipulated now into completely reversing myself because I am so ashamed of being pitied and all. This is like pre-manipulator 101 level stuff here buddy. I have no resentment, anger, or ill-will. It is so transparent we are supposed to think highly of you for being "forgiving" and your "sense of humanity", whatever that means. Forgive who for what? What does this "sense of humanity" mean exactly? Bringing this back to concrete reality, the relationship is either wrong or right. There's no points for slashing your wrists and spilling your blood and guts all over the stage. Forgive me for being crass, but my idea was to bring home little miss hotty wife who devoted herself to her husband and family. Blast one out of the park, you know. Home run city. For me, anyway. Some men want a woman who makes a lot of money. If you instead focus on how you can show everyone what kind of abuse you can take stoically then sure - you take lots of abuse and suffer. So both of us have accomplished what we set out to do. It makes me no better person. I readily admit my selfish motives of wanting to snuggle up with little miss devoted hotty. But the truth is yours are selfish motives too. It's just that your world view is like the flagellants of the middle ages. Those guys whipped themselves publicly to bloody pulps to show their religious devotion, all based on their reward being in heaven. But they were more straightforward in their belief system. In the case at hand, they'd be saying they want to immigrate a woman who whips them bloody, and the bloodier the better. Because that way they go to heaven big time.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-16 20:32:00
Philippines	hypothetically speaking	The art of manipulation includes speaking in riddles instead of straightforward, frank communication. There is a kind of manipulator that gets everyone involved in their personal crises, getting their kicks out of others investing their emotional energy. They're always doing the wrong thing and getting victimized, so nobody thinks their motives could be suspect. They're always assuring us emphatically how innocent and sincere they are. And look how they've laid themselves bare for everyone to see... Except that with this personality they also conceal things that heighten the drama. They allude and insinuate instead of just stating facts plainly. People are baited with part of the story but never the whole thing. The name is actually "Emotional Vampire", which points out the hypocrisy in the business about giving without getting anything back. The vampire very much feeds off others, sucking the emotional energy out of them. People put their energy into giving advice that has been sought out by the vampire, and the vampire creates this emotional roller-coaster. Sometimes the vampire seems to be doing the right thing and people who have given up on him start putting their faith and energy into the "atta boys" - and then their hopes are dashed upon the rocks. Hard to predict this one because the motivations are not normal and the severity unknown. But the more disordered, the greater the calamity sought.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-16 18:41:00
Philippines	hypothetically speaking	The fact she was granted a visa does not obligate you to anything. Hypothetically a manipulative person would still come here, despite your objection to continuing the relationship, using a combination of guilt-tripping and the occasional sop of pretended affection being thrown your way. Hypothetically the target falls for both ploys, feeling guilty when they were the target of cynnical manipulation from day 1 and getting all giddy over the slightest morsel of fake affection. So he allows her to live with him. Hypothetically the target marries, knowing it is wrong but feeling trapped and desperately hoping for a miracle - maybe she will love me in the end; I will prove I was a gentleman. I will suffer like Jesus on the cross. Hypothetically the manipulator divorces the target after months of more misery than he has experienced in his lifetime. Hypothetically she is granted the green card on her own. Hypothetically there are 2.7 million genuine, loving, wonderful Filipinas who would die to take her place and make this man the King of the World. But instead of doing justice and bestowing upon the deserving a wonderful life of family and security this man rewards the scheming evil witch. Thus the strategy of evil is perpetuated by virtue of its success and the strategy of honest and sincere effort is punished. In the end then what this hypothetical man does is teach others that dishonesty, cheating, and evil intentions are the key to successful immigration. His excuse will be that his intentions were good.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-16 12:27:00
Philippines	Ceiling Caves In at Philippine Airport, Two Hurt	Tip for airline passengers in Philippines: Wear helmets.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-24 01:24:00
Philippines	court-less relationship	my boys and girls I feel proud to be a child owned by his majesty. I've been in the running for world record stupid with some of the things I have done. The very worst of it was being naiive, gullible, and trusting of manipulative people and that is why I resolved myself to studying the professional literature. When you have a personality defect, the best you can do is admit it and get help from people that know what they're doing. The one thing that was hard to accept, but the research is emphatic on this - manipulators invariably pose themselves as having lily-white intentions and of morals beyond reproach. But inside is a cold, cruel, calculating cynnical machine that doesn't have empathy for others. People are objects to attain ends. They know they must show a front of feelings towards others so sure, they repeat endlessly their love of humanity and that they would never, ever abuse anyone intentionally. Nothing is ever their fault and they're always the victim when situations turn out bad. Like others who save for retirement and go to college for better employment, they have long range plans and take actions today that even years later can be used to "prove" their innocence when in fact they have been viciously calculating for a very long time. Occasionally a bit of the underlying nature exposes itself, and it is usually when the manipulator has lost composure. Generally what they are doing is working deceptively and ideally very subtly to provoke others' emotions into getting the best of them. Once your emotions take over, they have you beat. So here with this patronizing and condescending "my boys and girls" it's a little too over-the-top for a skilled manipulator in complete command of his program. It is a signal of losing one's cool. Another signal is when they keep trying the same tactic over and over again even though it isn't working because they don't know what else to do and they've become desperate. It will be a surprise to many that there is something very dark on the inside here. Rage, even. I just had no appreciation for this point despite the literature I was reading until I had cornered a couple of the most skilled manipulators in my life and my God what I saw frightened me. On the outside was this cool exterior they had worked for decades to construct in order to deceive people. But when you had the tools to pull back that mask there was an explosive hatred on the inside that was the engine driving all this manipulative behavior. You see the classic baiting of people here into very natural responses, and then playing the victim when it was you who instigated that very thing in the first place - and desired exactly those responses so that you could use it against them. You have to look upon people as objects in order to act this way. If you actually have compassion for others then you deal with them honestly and above-board. It takes a black heart to be manipulative, and sometimes the most vicious predator is disguised as the least threatening. If you look at Ted Bundy or the Green River killer, they were amazingly disarming in their countenance yet were savage murderers underneath. I am not saying at all we have this here, but instead do not be surprised at the amount of darkness under the surface.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-23 22:18:00
Philippines	court-less relationship	I've seen this many times and understand now. When a manipulative person feels they have lost control of a situation, you see this kind of thing. They lose their composure, but at the same time they are doing their best to dominate events and dictate the agenda. You can think of it as a director that popped a couple tabs of LSD, but is still trying to lead the orchestra. What's really going on is never the big smokescreen they are blowing. So forget about the pretend topic of a partner being bored. The interesting question is why our friend is orbiting Jupiter here as the midnight hour on immigration approaches. The biggest fear of a manipulator is being exposed to the white heat of sunshine on their true self. Their comfort zone is entirely dependent upon concealing from others what they are really up to. One has to remember their world view is disordered - on the one hand they look down upon everyone else, and this is what justifies maltreating them by dealing with others dishonestly and manipulatively. But on the other hand nobody knows better than themselves that they are cowards who cannot deal with people openly and above-board. So you have this schizophrenic cognitive dissonance that can be controlled so long as everyone else is in the dark and their manipulative tactics are working. In the case at hand we have an epochal event happening with the immigration visa approved. It could all be make-belive before but now all the chips are on the line. The rubber is meeting the road. The chickens are coming home to roost. The harvest is about to be reaped. And so, the universe is collapsing upon itself. It is the singularity where all matter being sucked into the black hole is condensed into infinite energy and our mathematics of small particle physics vs. large body physics cannot determine the outcome. We just have to sit back and watch to see what happens.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-23 15:41:00
Philippines	court-less relationship	Synapses are firing. But the wiring is all mixed up. I wrote the manufacturer for a schematic, and this is what came back: I'm not sure it can be fixed.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-23 00:30:00
Philippines	Dealing with the parents	It's all too true. But, you see some of that same attitude here, not realizing how good Americans really have it. Couldn't agree more.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-24 19:55:00
Philippines	Dealing with the parents	THAT is sooooo true! its actually happening to me..its sad coz its happens alot here, specially in rural areas in the Philippines, where im from i actually quoted you on that and posted it on my facebook changed a few words so it would fit on the allowed characters on the status hope you dont mind I don't mind at all and don't need credit. Spread the gospel. One of the sobering things for a Filipina from that environment is being told by everyone how easy your life is now married to an Americano. Dealing with the envy, jealousy, and sense of entitlement from others with their hand out. The Filipinos working abroad have a similar problem. When I first lived with my Fiance in 2008, our extended family built a house together. I have a construction background and I was in good shape so I was carrying more hollow block than anyone else and working long days. People gathered around to watch the bizarre event of a white guy working. They made fun of my father in law (nice young man, younger than me) about having an Americano employee. He really hated that. They had it backwards. We had a house because we were building it with our hands and backs while they sat on their butts. They wanted to believe an Americano has a house because it falls from the sky. So in their minds it was strange to see me working. I made furniture and cabinets too. People would say "you have money, why not buy?" You tell them "this is why I have money - because I work." That's just common sense, and there are plenty of Filipinos with a great work ethic. These are not the ones with their hands out, acting like you are obligated to give them money. The idea of Americanos being rich without work is a selfish concept used by people of bad character to justify leeching off them. It is just like the bank robber saying that the bank didn't do anything to earn the money so the theft is justified.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-24 17:23:00
Philippines	Dealing with the parents	I also feel that it is a bit unfair of her parents to put her in the middle of this right now Zero in on this because it isn't just unfair - it is cruel and abusive. It takes bad character to do this. Good people can do bad things when they are in an environment that rewards it. The traditional Filipina extended family support network is one of reciprocity. It is mutual support, not one side leaching perpetually off another. When a Filipina marries a foreigner, there is potential for the traditional extended family mutual support framework to become distorted into a welfare situation. All kinds of bad things can happen, and the worst of it is turning the family into professional manipulators. They'll invent all manner of crises and emergencies, laying them at your feet in a way that makes you feel obligated to pay - and when you do there is no gratitude, but instead another crisis lined up right behind it on the conveyor belt. If you help one sibling then you are a bad guy because you didn't help the other 36 siblings, cousins, etc. This problem is the quintessential one for Filipino-Americano relationships, and if you cannot handle it then it will destroy you. Someone else pointed out that you already did pose the important matter yourself: this has to be worked out with certainty before you marry her. If you help, it is on your terms. You have to be able to say no, and the wife must take your side. You don't even have to explain. Your true friends and family don't need it, and the others will never listen anyway. If they take on that attitude about how you are rich and therefore they deserve to leech off you - then they are people of bad character. Do not turn your family into people of bad character by rewarding manipulative behavior. Good luck.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-23 15:10:00
Philippines	Inter-Cultural Marriages and effect on Children	Hi guys. I am writing about Inter-marriages and its affect on children for my Psychology class. I need to write a 7-10 page paper and I think I'm running out of ideas . Do you have anything to share like, how do kids handle differences in language, religion, food etc? Who has more authority or who do they go to when something bothers them? How does friends and relatives of each side affect them? Do they think they're "different"? Thank you in advance. I think you are going to find it isn't even relevant until someone from the outside makes it so. A child does not consider themselves "different" unless someone instructs them that they are. So it seems to me a more productive question is how a bigoted environment affects children. Because it simply is not relevant otherwise. I can't think how it would be different if our kids were born out of a caucasian womb. We can't decide that there have to be major differences when there are none. That is a legitimate research result. Both of us are human and there is only one race actually - the human race.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-24 00:53:00
Philippines	let's talk about American Food	hehe, my spaghetti does.... I've called the food police and made a report. You should be hearing the sirens about now.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-24 15:34:00
Philippines	let's talk about American Food	Give him anything but with bones. Bones were actually an important issue for us. For example, Filipinos chop their chicken up, breaking the bones into lots of pieces you have to be very careful about. Americans don't do that, so we are not accustomed to being extremely careful chewing. I broke a tooth when she came here because I am so accustomed to putting big hunks of boneless meat in my mouth and chomping down hard. She doesn't do that any more. Spaghetti does not have sugar in it. Write that down.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-24 13:24:00
Philippines	Filipina wife issues....advice please...	i got problems with my husband offering my family to send them something and then not do it.. my husband tells them im sending u this and that even if they did not ask for anything. one time he said to my brother his sending him shoes and t-shirt on his birthday and then it never came. and then he told me will pay ur mom next month and then he did not do it.. and i already told my mom about it and she expect that already. im dissapointed on how he makes promises and not do it. or when he lets my family expect and nothing happens.. i just wish that he not offer to send anything at all if he cant do it.. rather than talked my family out of buying or sending them stuff just to brag.. Sorry to hear that. Shameful. There will be other things to worry about if this guy is not a man of his word.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-04-10 21:37:00
Philippines	Filipina wife issues....advice please...	The humorous side of "supporting extended family" idea is that when the immediate family members (i.e parents, siblings) does not expect supports from USC but the relatives (i.e. uncles, aunts and cousins) expect that the USC supports them since their niece is married to him. This scenario really shows the leeches and parasites in filipino families. Hey, that's a good point. There's jealousy and envy involved sometimes with neighbors telling "historia" about how your family has an Americano so all their troubles in life are over. If they're people of low character they will try to shame your family into giving handouts. Or even mock them with "I thought you were rich now, so why don't you live in a castle with plantations and slaves." Everyone in your circle has to learn how to just say no, and ignore people of low character.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-04-04 20:33:00
Philippines	Filipina wife issues....advice please...	Yeah, it would be interesting to know the experiences of Western expats married to locals with their spouses' extended kin, especially when there are kids in the marriage. It might shine a whole different light on the situation. I've met a number of them. They don't all have the same reasons for living there. Cost of living is one of them. More than one has told me he did not want his wife "westernized". One had a wife that just didn't want to move abroad. But in all cases if you are living there and watching with your own eyes then it is a lot more difficult for them to pull the wool over your eyes about what is going on. It's a temptation you don't want to encourage.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-04-04 20:26:00
Philippines	Filipina wife issues....advice please...	I'm not sure the Filipino culture of reciprocal support within the extended family is properly represented in this question often enough. The moment it becomes one-sided it is no longer the Filipino cultural model. The model is reciprocity. It is a mutual support network. Forget about Americanos for a moment. If a Filipino family is always giving labor and money to an Uncle's family and all the family gets in return is arrogance and ingratitude then that's a problem. That isn't the Filipino way. Because there is an ocean between us, my wife can't have her sisters or cousins take care of our kids while we run off and play together. They'd be happy to do that for us but they can't. They are my work crew/bodyguards when I am over there, but they can't do that right now either. So the Filipino model works better with us there because they can reciprocate in so many ways they can't with us in the USA. If you do wish to help the family financially and if you live only in the USA I guess you are automatically in violation of the Filipino cultural model and there is danger of things going awry. It is understandable why an americano would see this as "you support her family" instead of "families support each other". It's too bad. Because it isn't the Filipino way.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-04-03 20:33:00
Philippines	Filipina wife issues....advice please...	I am the bad guy, when the family complains it is not enough. This is the magic of the manipulator. No matter what you do for them, they turn it around into you being the bad guy. It is never enough. Which is why, if you are going to help them, it is not their choice to make. They get what you give, and that's the end of it.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-02-25 02:35:00
Philippines	Filipina wife issues....advice please...	I just read the following from this month's issue of Reader's Digest: When we see people acting in abusive, arrogant, or demeaning manner toward others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self-esteem. They need to put someone down to feel good about themselves. It's even more interesting than that. The people with these personality disorders hold simultaneously inconsistent ideas in their heads. You have to remember they aren't normal. That is why they are called "disordered". On the one hand they view themselves as superior to everyone else. They have an impaired conscience. It is perfectly fine to hurt everyone around them since nobody else matters except themselves. Their universe is "Me, the King, putting you, the peasant, in your place". But on the other hand they still suffer from jealousy and envy, lacking a healthy self esteem that doesn't take it as a personal threat when someone else is a high achiever, good looking, intelligent, kind, etc. So they go on the attack with people they envy. They never fight fair though, mostly learning cheap dirty tricks and ambushes, concealing their intentions from people so that they can then sneer at the people who trusted their intentions were good. But such dirty tricks and false faces in the long run never build a person's self-esteem like being honest and forthright does. They become bitter, friendless people in old age that people avoid. If you set out in life to become a put-down artist, you'll be very good at it with practice, like everything else. In the long run you'll get exactly what you deserve. PoloNiks - congratulations. Well done. A lot of people gave very good advice. You are a good example proving that no amount of "free money" will ever be enough for those kind of people. They'll throw it away and burn it like garbage because they didn't have to lift a finger for it. They'll act like spoiled children demanding ever more from you and try to make you feel bad if you don't. You did the right thing in putting a halt to it.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-02-24 19:59:00
Philippines	Filipina wife issues....advice please...	I stood by my husband. Before every time we will have an argument my family will not only take my side but will try to instigate something to make the argument much worse. My aunt and best friend talked some sense to me about standing up for my man and prioritizing my hubby and kids over my family, which is the best decision I ever did. Now, my family can't manipulate me anymore, they know where they stand. Yes, it comes down to this.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-01-19 01:15:00
Philippines	she's a queen!!!!	Still waiting for my manager's approval. It maybe Monday before I know. I barely know anything about the santacruzan. I am taking crash courses on the roman catholic church. Well, Maybe there was ticket sold, but I wanted no tickets. Just a fundraiser for the church is all I knew. I ended up getting hoodwinked into the deal. I was mad, upset, angry at being used. But when I did research on it. Looked at what it meant. Knew she had been a reyna at 14, then knew this was her last chance. they wanted to give her a dream. Something no girl in their village had ever won. The village was asking me to help her achieve her dream. the village and padre were hoping I loved her enough to go beyond the "hoodwinking". the village and the padre "nominated" her. There were about 23 other girls, not quite sure on the exact number. One from each Baringay/purok at the parish with a chapel. The girl last year rose $4,000php. Gretchen - Queen Reyna Elana - rose $7,900php for the church and $4,000ohp for the chapel. Her dress, crown, makeup was another $2,000php. Yes, I did help. After all, you can't let your girl down after she is nominated by her village to be "the Queen". If I failed, I probably would not be allowed back into the village. I was told the padre was going to say a special blessing for me during the service. I told them to tell the padre not to. Say nothing about what I did. Everyone already knows or suspects, saying something would confirm it. Say nothing, absolutely nothing to the congregation. The padre can say a special blessing in his daily private prayers if the padre so chooses. I never knew how much it meant to her until talking to some of her relatives here and there. That is what made me decide to ask to go. I could have asked 6 or 7 weeks ago, but thought better of it, waiting for the approval for manila trip. The best news is I will hit elite status with PAL on this trip, then premier elite on the manila trip. When it comes time to bring Gretchen to the US, I will be close to 70,000 miles, maybe I get to bring her back "for free". But I am not one to be trifled with, I have spread the word, the only thing I determined to do was support each girl from the purok/village or of my fiance's choosing each year for now on. Maybe next year, I will give $5,000php for each girl outside of the national highway area. Let them decide who wins. My wife was the queen. Before she met me. Her younger sister was nominated this year, but declined the nomination. I think this is a perfect example of how they've learned the ethic I want in my family. The neighbors helped pay for my wife when she was the queen, when her family was desperately poor. Now that they have this americano, they turned down the event altogether. The neighbors want to say "oh you have this Americano now so you are rich and can act like a queen..." But what we are doing instead is keeping a low profile, being humble, and working hard. Her sister is studying an hour a day over the internet with me because the schools are so wretched there. I didn't even know her sister had turned them down until my wife just told me as I related this story to her. She didn't even mention it because they are now very conscious of any kind of financial pressure on me. I'm not exactly sure of all the details, but this story is a big red flag for me. The tactic they used is called the "double bind". You are put in a situation where you lose no matter what, and the people manipulating you are engineering you to choose the option where you give them money, but in a way that makes you feel obligated to do it - you are the bad guy if you don't - and you don't get the gratitude and fulfillment you do out of helping without being blackmailed. Secrecy, ignorance, and ambushing the mark are key elements of this tactic. If you are told at the time they are initially planning the surprise, and are fully informed about the event, the ambush won't work. They have to spring the "nomination" as a done deal and put you in the position of being the bad guy and ruining someone's lifelong dream, huge public embarassment etc. if you don't pony up the money. Yes, absolutely they are banking on exploiting your conscience to take advantage of you. What kind of people secretly engineer a situation where you are made to feel like a big social outcast if you don't pay extortion money? Everything is cloaked in the garb of religion, charity, and happy festival of course, but that does not justify hoodwinking, blackmail, and angering someone to get their money. I take what you said about being angry about being hoodwinked and used as extremely important. I said "no" when this kind of thing was sprung on me. They'd say that having a big pig roast and feeding the whole neighborhood was a "tradition" for something or other. Oh really? When was the last time you actually did that? Never. Grandma's funeral - oh I already told everyone we were paying for this and that... Really? Too bad. Your problem, not mine. Borrowed money to pay for something without telling me? Not my problem. You say the electricity is being shut off if you don't pay the bill tomorrow? Why did you keep this secret until the very moment it was about to be shut off? So that you could ambush me with this "emergency" and make me feel like having the electricity shut off was my fault, that's why. Guess what - no electricity for you this month. I made my wife take a dress back to the store she bought without talking to me first, because it had not been budgeted so of course the next step would have been to say "we are out of rice" and blackmail me into buying rice. She went two days without food on the trip to the Manila interview because she spent the travel money on clothes. Wow was she mad at me for that. She hung up on me and did not talk to me for those two days. I realize how eager we are to be the hero, and when we have money and money isn't important to us we tend to shovel it out. But we are teachers, and what we teach can be the wrong lesson when we allow them to manipulate us. Once they see the tactic of shaming and guilt-tripping you works or that everything is a big tradition or honor, then you're going to get an endless conveyor belt of it. And it isn't so much that it costs you money, but that you are teaching people to be manipulative. I have no problem with being wrong about this. But it is omnipresent in Filipina-Americano relationships, and something you have to be very careful about. Money can make things worse, not better, when it rewards bad behavior. My wife has extended family that has had all the wrong things happen because of an overseas worker sending money home. Nobody works. All the money is wasted. People are constantly fighting. Booze, tobacco, and gambling. Her family saw the kinds of tactics they all used and initially they tried them with me. My wife too. Special occasion. Emergency. Tradition. Blow all the money like there's no tomorrow. But now my little sister got nominated for the same thing and didn't even tell me about it despite seeing me every day at 7 pm for her math lesson.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-26 18:09:00
Philippines	A nice gift?	Pick out some really skimpy nighties and naughty undies. Don't show him until he's already in bed. Make up a little routine and practice it so you have it down perfect. Most guys are going to be OK with that.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-02 15:59:00
Philippines	Is this a horrible idea?	The way to come off as concealing information and then if someone gives you advice that isn't exactly what you want to her you insult them... Golly, I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Along with playing the victim afterwards. Don't worry JR, you'll never have to correct my assumptions again as I'll be keeping them (and my advice) to myself when you're involved from hereafter. Since the topic is about the child immigrating then here is the relevant issue for me. When you are deceptive with people, they get angry. It takes cruelty to be manipulative. Children learn what they see in the home, and copy. That's what is relevant on immigrating the child. He'll be going to antisocial personality disorder school. We're going to get profuse declarations of selfish devotion to the child. But the books say to watch what they do and not what they say. A good default is that they are doing the opposite of whatever they are saying. Hope for the best, I guess. Hope I didn't break any rules. None intentionally.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-02 01:16:00
Philippines	While waiting for your step/daughter/son	1. I never said she was coming in June. It was suggested you had a sockpuppet saying so, and that's why I am asking. No big deal, just trying to see the timeframe and establish some kind of foundation for your interactions to date with him. I think all my most indicate we are working on the kid's k2. Again, not a big deal but the time frame expected would help alongside information like if you have met at all yet and what kind of time exposure, what things you did, what the issues were if any - there's no information here. If you were more devoted to him than the coming wife and have never met him, then is that "dangerous" like you ask - well it is a bit delusional. If you have spent a lot of time with him already and are best buddies then that is not bizarre, no. 2. Why do I need to show pictures of my family? Oh yes, I see pictures of your family on your avatar. Some have said you are not for real. I haven't. But that would certainly be decisive. Pictures. I'm proud of my wife, you know so yeah I show pictures. 3. So you want to know about her kid and her past? Is that information relevant? Let's say the kid burned his school down and robbed a bank by kindergarten as example #1. Example #2 is the kid tested 163 IQ and is already a concert violinist. Going to med school for sure, etc. You are pretending information doesn't matter. Being coy about what kind of interaction you have had if any. Ribs are doing good though so I'll be back after I turn them over. I am sorry you had such a bad experience in your past. Got it love it why some people think that whatever happened to them *NEED* to happen to others. Some coconuts are banged on the floor to crack them open whilst others are cut with a knife. I enjoy reading your posts. They are so 'unserious' funny! *warning* HAPPY BACK TO SCHOOL DAY Wise man sayeth do not go where every other man die.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-05 22:17:00
Philippines	While waiting for your step/daughter/son	Before I answer: A wine is not fine if it is not aged. Good to throw one of these great insights from left field in there. Deep. huh? The snake with one eye is his brother's viper. it is up to the individual if he wants to give out the names of his love ones. The beauty of life is that people have choices. So do I? For now I like and enjoy using the name "her kid" to refer to my soon to be step son! Fair enough. Ok how about their ss numbers? Kidding! I do not feel like I have any reliable information on them, that's all. Natural to want to know someone's name. Some people have pics too. Those are concrete things though - a name and a face. Anyway, yes Disneyland is a good idea but that is an after effect. I can not bring them to D.L yet. They are not physically here. I know some parents take their kids to D.L because they are not giving their kids enough love and that is a guilt payment. I am not unsure if that is the answer you are expecting from me. Or as a guilt-trip on them: I brought you to disneyland so kiss my butt now. Or to divert attention from molesting them, yeah. Obviously you are not doing that. We just get information that is incomplete so the toys and stuff - hard to evaluate. Lots of professions of love, OK I hear you repeating that. They aren't even here and I have no data on previous history with the kid. Previous fathers or not, whatever - it matters. What is the date they are coming? I thought it was going to be in June, first week, which is now for at least one of the jr identities. Then there was a delay or something? -- Like always, I enjoy your posts ..sorry about your horrible past. Ha ha. This is why I find your posts entertaining. This really did crack me, up thanks. It's still horrible being a sex slave to this 23 year old. I am not so sure why it is relevant. Not all the fish are cut with the same knife. Happy posting. And not all the cakes are baked by the same chef. Whatever. Great entertainment on a Sunday. Gonna Bar-B-Que some pork ribs and read some internet mystery-drama.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-05 20:40:00
Philippines	While waiting for your step/daughter/son	I have a BIG problem. I cannot stop thinking about the kid. I am confused. Sometimes I do not know if I am waiting for M'e or her kid. Do they have names? It is a rhetorical question you have posted of course. Am I too good of a guy? When I go to the malls, I do not think much about her. I think about the kid. Mostly I thought about my wife's fanny, and after two kids I am still not confused I did post in another thread that we would see profuse declarations of devotion for the kid. A long term theme developed. The problem is we have incomplete or unreliable information. But relationships are mostly about communication and trust. Do you deal with them squarely? Above-board and with clear, open communication? Honestly? Because you can take them to Disneyland after the point has been forced that one, the other, or both parents have been and continue to be deceptively manipulative with someone else. Disneyland will not change the position they are in, and it won't make them happy. Kids can integrate fine into a healthy environment. It's a train wreck with an unhealthy environment.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-05 16:08:00
Philippines	All pregnant Mommies	My wife is six months now. We can weigh my wife and take her blood pressure and pulse for free. Or we can spend hundreds of dollars for the same thing at a baby factory. Spend half a day doing it, wait in an office where a lot of sick people go. We have very little respect for the medical industry. The most important thing to do is inform yourself and not put your health in the hands of people who are mostly interested in money.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2009-09-01 13:06:00
Philippines	All pregnant Mommies	We listened to our baby's heartbeat last week. Pretty amazing. Little fella needs to do some road work. Heartbeat was pretty fast!	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2009-05-29 16:41:00
Philippines	All pregnant Mommies	Good Lord my wife is pregnant. She doesn't post on message boards, but I hope I am not discriminated against. Not sure how far along but it is more than one month and less than two - going to make a doctor appointment ASAP. She has had: - morning sickness - food cravings but then not wanting to eat much - sensitive smell - mood swings Oddly, she has become more beautiful than ever. I thought I heard guys were supposed to get disgusted with their wives when they got pregnant. We saw all the signs so we did a pregnancy test last night and weren't too surprised by it I guess. What else can you expect. We have been worried about ectoptic pregnancy though because she has had pains in her lower right abdomen and a couple of the other signs, but we will see when we get an ultrasound I guess.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2009-05-03 14:52:00
Philippines	Why do you want to bring your spouse to the USA?	6) We both get terrible seasonal depression. Even Oslo, far south in Norway, has up to 18 hours of darkness during the winter. Ew. It's even worse here. 21 hours of darkness. Fifty below zero raw temp, worse with wind chill. Like you have in the North. Adam and Thet- good post and yes, we too are looking at Philippines. If she could not have immigrated, I would have moved there. One thing we cannot replace in the Philippines though is wilderness and solitude. Philippines is approaching a thousand times more people per sq km than Alaska. Ball park numbers Alaska 600k people, Philippines around a hundred million. Philippines is only 300,000 sq kilometers and Alaska is over 1.5 million. We go days at a time without seeing any other people at all. No pollution. Birds and animals. By cost of living Philippines is less than half of what it is here. But the remoter places we are interested in also have more NPA, MILF, Abu-Sayyef types of gangsterism. So we are looking for the right combination of safety and solitude. Even Palawan was way crowded for me. The alarming thing about the USA is the accelleration in wars and destruction of individual liberties. We are going to be seeing stiff inflation from all the money printing the Federal Reserve has been doing to fund the ghastly amount of borrowing the US Government is doing. It is inexorable. Historically all empires collapse from excessive militarism abroad and fiscal insanity at home. Our people seem to be ignorant not just about history in general but even history of their own country. We have had our civil war and Lincoln shooting people in the streets of New York City for protesting the draft. Fifty thousand casualties in a single war battle. We had a Great Depression and this one now is second only to that, and far from over. We have been through two world wars where we were the ones seeing the necessity of stopping a hyperpower from world domination. Now we are that hyperpower, making aggressive war in at least five countries simultaneously. Iraq, "Af-Pak" (Afghanistan and Pakistan), Libya, now Yemen and apparently Syria coming soon too? Always pushing for bombing Iran too. I wouldn't have wanted to live in the USA during the Civil War, during the depression, and I don't think I want to be here for the USA's World War III and the concomitant police state. Our kids need to grow up in a free country with good economic prospects. Who knows. These disgraces we have had in public office for decades, bought off by the banks and military-industrial-security complex - have all been part of the problem. If Ron Paul won the presidency it would be a huge signal that things have turned around in the country. The greatest financial heist of all time was just pulled off, and is ongoing with more than a trillion dollars showered on international banks, to take their bad loans and make laborers on wages pay them, through the so-called social security tax. Those taxes must increase now to pay the debt. There is no politician that can change that fact. The basic problem of corporatism - the banks and gigantic industries, largely war/security driven are right now still looting the country. Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke has announced QE3 - Quantitative Easing III. Just stuffing more cash in the bankers' pockets, and adding to my children's debt along with inevitable social chaos from high taxes, high inflation, high unemployment, and government jack boots on the necks of protestors. You have a revolving door between the US Treasury department and Goldman-Sachs. Warren Buffet made billions by knowing early that the trillion dollar TARP bail-out was guaranteed with Secretary of the Treasury Paulson of Goldman-Sachs and Congressmen Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, both Goldman-Sachs assets controlling the congressional financial services committee. Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke was refusing to release information on who the bail-out money went to. Most of it went off-shore. In Iraq, more than $6 billion in cash was handed out off the backs of pick-up trucks without even a receipt. Not only was it of course stolen immediately, but Iraq is suing for that same $6 billion we already gave them since we were legally responsible for safeguarding it. All of this is outright looting of the Treasury on drastically historic scale. Torture, prison without charges, searches without warrants, rights to assembly and freedom to travel - the bill of rights is being shredded. If this isn't turned around I'll build a walled house on the sea and hunker down in the Philippines. Home school the kids. Work a little bit.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-20 01:55:00
Philippines	She's been here for 1.5 months now.	We have done so many fun things like fishing, camping, hiking, crabbing, 4 wheeling, gardening, traveling, and shopping. Life is great. -James Try to squeeze a little time in there for nooky. Just a suggestion, in case the idea did not occur to you.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-19 16:46:00
Philippines	Interview duration	My wife said five minutes in the actual interview. They told her to go to the office that delivers the visa to your home, located inside the embassy. LBC? She had some kind of slip of paper she got from the delivery people. That seemed to be something they were doing for people who were approved. They confirm the delivery address.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-24 02:44:00
Philippines	Should I attend interview	It is possible to do it all in 1 week but it doesn't leave much room for error ... That was the deciding factor for us. You can spend $1,300 on travel from here, or you can spend twice that if you don't have enough time ahead and flexibility to get the cheaper tickets. I have my own dinky little business so the time away was no problem. Just the inability to make secure lower cost travel. Stressing out about the possibility of delay or complications too, and she needs to demonstrate this level of acumen and poise to be my permanent arm candy anyway. She had never flown so I did go to manila and meet her after the visa was issued. Ha ha - I had to leave without her because there was a problem. She came by herself a couple weeks later.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-25 23:19:00
Philippines	cultural differences vs. stereotyping	Thanks, but I've been at this for years and I prefer the way I handle it. To each his/her own. I know full well when someone is trying to get me to respond a certain way and when someone is just plain trying to be undercover nasty. I'm not very passive and usually take care of the matter immediately and in no uncertain terms. And to my satisfaction this ALWAYS nips that ####### in the bud. I've never had anyone ever present such a statement or anything like it more than once. And that's my goal. Sounds like you have a handle on it better than me, actually. No problem B_J. I also just went to the dentist supposedly for fixing a crown, and ended up getting the tooth chopped up and removed, a bloody nightmare. I can't do heavy work with these stitches, it's raining anyway, and am on these pain killers. So I may not even be coherent, rambling on the internet. DaveandRoxy yeah, exactly.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-29 18:44:00
Philippines	cultural differences vs. stereotyping	If you really want to tick me off, then make references to Asian women like this in my presence "American (or other) men just want Asian women because they are submissive"! Here's an insight for you: that's why they say it. They want to put you on the defensive and have your emotions get the best of you. The wording they use is important. "Submissive" is obviously pejorative. "Obedient" would be another little barb meaning the same thing: your girl is a weak, spineless worm incapable of independent thought and action. Learn to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate your emotions and put you on the defensive. Don't give them either one. The instant you recognize someone is trying to make you mad or hurt or prideful or whatever - it is empowering. It removes the emotion and in its place the understanding about what this person is really up to, and therefore how to handle them. It is jealousy, envy, insecurity or whatever on their part that is behind the attack. How to respond, if at all, depends on the situation. I'm not vindictive, so I am not going to say "no, she isn't selfish like you in addition to being old, ugly, and smelling bad". Just knowing my wife is so threatening to them is enough. "Filipinas are faithful and loyal". To me, that's a description for a dog. To say this is merely choosing to define something negatively. We can take anything someone says and interpret it in the worst light possible, and it is a silly nonsensical exercise. In this case saying if you respect your wife's loyalty then she is your dog. Gosh, why stop there if we are going to throw out these kinds of specious insults? Your wife is lower than putrid bile to you, and we can tell because you said she was loyal. It's just nonsense. The real question is why a person is going out of their way to cast things in the worst light possible. Loyalty to a business contract or to your country in battle, or to your husband, family, community, whatever - this is such an inarguably positive trait to admire and yes in dogs too. So why do you transform "wife" to "dog" or why transform any of them into any other thing such as "soldier" to dog... The person who is in the wrong here is the one spinning your words into a different meaning. Teddy - it isn't just jealousy by women. There is also envy by other men that leads to these kinds of attacks on your Filipina and you. I say "your Filipina" knowing this wording is often the target for negative spin by people with bad intentions. We can say "my... husband, wife, father, etc" and there is obviously no opportunity to pretend that means they are nothing more than personal property (eg a car) to you. But if you say "Flipina" with the obvious pride in the exotic nature of your wife, this gives those with malicious intent an opportunity to pretend we cannot compliment our wife in any way without calling her property. You say she is beautiful? Obviously, she's just a piece of meat to you. Using a term of ... endearment?! *gasp* Ha ha! Just watch them go apopleptic in righteous indignation. That is why I call my Filipina my "Filipina Unit". In your face, I can use any term of endearment I want. Neener. Neener. Neener. Self-righteousness is jealousy with a halo.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-28 18:41:00
Philippines	Cold feet	germophobia, your OCD with neatness and cleanliness, and Lord only knows what else. I'm such a retard. I missed this before. The three showers a night thing. The cat on the table thing - I guess now yea, I see that as part of the bigger picture. Alright. So we're officially off the reservation. I don't know the details on the sockpuppet thing but it isn't necessary. Crikey.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-02 01:53:00