Forum	Title	Content	Member	Sex	Country	Date/Time
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	whether it's good or bad - it's still attention, right? I think people see this as obvious, yes. The less obvious thing to be looking for is manipulation by the "victim" regarding money in particular. We are accustomed to the story of the Filipina who manipulates her Americano for money, and some of it may be pertinent in this situation, but insight into the reverse is important too. When you observe someone saying they are bringing them to Manila on the red carpet ride in order to show them how frugal you are, and putting all this thought into what their next "move" is given your last move - then you have crossed a couple of important lines. The first line is about open communication: you sit people down and explain what you are doing, and make agreements with them. If it is a budgeting 101 exercise, you sit down with a calendar and the regular bill schedule, along with the father's weekly masonry salary and work up a plan. If it is a trip then you chalk up the travel, lodging, and walk-around money. The easiest thing to do, and which shows a little more respect to them, is to just give a sum and say "that is for the trip to Manila" and give them the dignity of making their own decisions. If there is any ambiguity in your position - then you have to ask who is "testing" or manipulating whom? When the alleged lesson is planning and budgeting then why has that very thing not been made clear? It is impossible to teach it without showing them how to do it. So this is one of those "what's wrong with this picture" moments. Which is the second line crossed: doing the opposite of what you are saying. If your lesson is in scrupulous frugality and personal responsibility then you do not go to Manila in the first place. You do not bring the family to Manila. You do not take taxis and planes, you take ships (economy class), jeepneys and buses. Better still, the girl demonstrates the aptitude and maturity to do it herself. Of course, we like to play the white knight on the horse rescuing the poor helpless little waif, but we have to be honest about how much respect it shows for someone if we keep acting like she's a helpless baby. Laying out the red carpet when the picture is supposed to be frugality means they see you as someone who does the opposite of what they are saying. To us, this kind of money is not such a big deal. But to a poor Filipino you have to multiply by a hundred to appreciate the gravity of the lesson. When someone sees more money being pissed away in a week than they have seen their whole lives then that's what they remember about you, not that you are frugal. They see you are a money spigot and furthermore are unclear about how the spigot works because the words do not match the actions. Therefore the most rational thing to do is watch actions instead of listening to words. They hear "Don't ever ask me for money because blah blah blah..." and then they ask for money because every time they ask, you give a long-winded speech and give them the money anyway. I can't come down on Darren and say this as a mark against him as a person, my God nobody is better than anyone else. I hope we look inside ourselves instead - we who have more money - and think carefully about how we interface with our spouse's family over it. Money can do more harm than good when it is applied wrong. It isn't any wonder why some families are corrupted by lazy greed. If we teach them to burn money like cigars, isn't that a lesson a little too easily learned?	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-10 13:31:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	Don't pick on the equipment managers. There's a place for everyone on the team.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-07 22:33:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	I worked as an Equipment manager in high school and NCAA Division II football. When I was young the equipment managers took guff from some of the studs because they couldn't make the team. I never did so and always felt bad about that because these guys were doing something valuable for us and how can you not appreciate that? Well, the one I remember best took even more of it because he always carried his calculator around on his belt. This is the 1970's when they first came out. So he was a real geek. He went on to get an engineering degree of course and is probably a millionaire now whereas some of these thugs went on to long alcohol careers. I feel like I really know you now Darren, and my feelings in defense of the equipment managers way back then are brought back to to me now. *sniff* We may disagree on some things, but if someone tries to hurt you I am going to knock their teeth through the back of their heads.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-27 23:12:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	My first reaction to someone turning in a two week notice that affected my travel plans to the tune of thousands of dollars would be to go to him and explain how important it was to me, and couldn't he/she hold off quitting for a while. If they didn't do it out of compassion I would pay them to do it. Who would turn down a paycheck from work plus a bonus for staying on just a little while longer? For someone so casual about throwing money around that seems like a natural reaction. I did leave my wife in Manila because of a problem. She was soon on the streets of manila with a horrible migraine (stress is a trigger) and vomiting bile with nobody to help her. We got an Auntie to put the rescue on her. With these Filipina Units like yours that are this poor, a 450 peso per night pension house or something is the way to go. The most we have ever paid in Manila is 750 pesos. Plenty of money left for strippers and booze.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-24 14:01:00
Philippines	bothered	I can think of three people I see regularly. My cab contact says one of them hitchhikes in over a hundred miles. He camps or flops in the summer near his panhandling site. We only go to town two or at most three times in a month. But one of them is usually at the prime spot exiting Fred Meyer's. There's another top dollar position by Walmart's entrance. There's usually someone there too. We use that exit less. I don't have any comment on it. We don't give them money. We understand they're professionals. And there's work around. Even day labor. That's their gig, and it's none of my business I figure.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-25 14:15:00
Philippines	bothered	I have sat and watch for about three hours, a homeless person collect an insane amount of money from idiots on a highway exit ramp. I will be willing to bet he made more money than I did that day. Obviously he posts there everyday since. One thing for sure, is that he always has a brand new pair of shoes on. They hold signs up here at the exits to the grocery store parking lots. A friend of mine that is a cab driver knows a few of them because he drives them to the liquor store. They make more than a hundred dollars a day begging, which is on top of their food stamps and whatever else they are getting from the state. I wonder what my wife would make if I dropped her off for a day with the two kids.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-25 12:11:00
Philippines	Another tragic story of a Filipina	Two deaths of Overseas Foreign Workers: Two grisly deaths You'll note the 32 year old Filipina was stabbed 31 times by her Egyptian husband, father of their three children. There's so much to conclude here: First, not to allow Egyptian marriages. Obviously a moratorium on Kuwait visas too. But mainly for purposes of this thread, there is no big age difference reported and I think it proves again how icky same-age marriages are and why they should be prohibited. You can't imagine how ill I get when I think about young guys with their hands on my property. You know, all the young girls. They're mine and they shall do as I say. Now obviously I think it hilarious to show what it is like with the roles reversed. Death is always tragedy. But in terms of "news", the media puts in front of us what they think sells advertising, not what is informative for making legal decisions affecting human rights. We are talking about thousands of years of rights spanning every culture I am aware of: consenting adults have a right to marry, no age gap exceptions. We can't be such simpletons we let infotainment drive what we think the law should be. In an average day there are 43 people murdered in the USA. Murder doesn't even make the headlines every day, maybe headline of the week or whatever. Which means the editors ignore hundreds of murders at a minimum before they choose one for public consumption. Sex (the more salacious the better), money, and power are what is going to sell, so you need a murder ideally with all three. You can milk that for days or weeks. Catch the President doing an intern - hahahahaha. Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress. Hall of Fame! The OP scores high in two out of the three. Kind of a garden variety murder-of-the-week. Like these here. It's supreme laziness intellectually to use infotainment as an argument for laws. When they involve human rights, it shows how little you think of human rights. Whatever you don't like should be prohibited. All you need is one example. Some kind of extreme narcissism, with prejudices that makes no sense logically.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-25 15:49:00
Philippines	Another tragic story of a Filipina	One thing that pisses me off so much too is that when I watched the news HERE towards the end, the mother of the Filipina's main concern was if the little girl would ripped the riches of the deceased husband. I'm glad you had that link. I asked my wife to watch. If I understand correctly, the mother and father came to the news station to ask their help in getting the daughter's remains back for burial and the orphan home to the Philippines. They seem poor, with little education, no malice meant by that - just that they were somewhat ignorant and overwhelmed by a complex immigration and probate matter, especially on such sudden notice. The parents said they were communicating with the girl on the computer after she came to the USA, and they seemed like a happy family. Neighbors and friends, family - everyone shocked by it. They thought the husband was a nice guy. My wife said she agreed with what you wrote above. Since you're both women then obviously you're both wrong. Edited by rlogan, 24 September 2011 - 06:21 PM.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-24 18:21:00
Philippines	Another tragic story of a Filipina	Do you consider all your opinions and thoughts wrong? of course not Actually I keep in mind I can be wrong about things. I've changed my mind about many things, once I had more information. DavenRoxy covered a misunderstanding I won't repeat. well people are free to chose whom they'll love, I won't argue with that We agree. Then the law must treat everyone the same. Age difference cannot be made a discrimination on immigration. I tried to get an update since they made such a big deal about this in the news. Maybe it has already served its purpose for "sensational scandal". Hey, how much of the advertising revenue sold will go to the orphan?	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-23 20:32:00
Philippines	Another tragic story of a Filipina	everyone's right on their own opinion. Actually, people are wrong all the time. They are entitled to an opinion, yes. But they are not entitled to their own facts. I noticed no concern for restrictions on same-age scammers from you. Instead, the attack in your case is only upon on older guys with younger girls. That tells us it isn't a concern for scammers, but just a convenient argument against something you don't like. No problem, I think your immigration should be stopped if you used the internet with your spouse. Because look here how this couple met on the internet. Now they are dead. So for your own safety I think you should be deported. But just you. Y'know, because I think you're icky so I'll just find some argument to hurt you. Where we have prejudice we need to re-think. Race, color, religion, gender, age - you don't have the right to tell other people who they can love.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-21 20:28:00
Philippines	Another tragic story of a Filipina	Murder rates, assaults, rape, violent crime, drunk driving and reckless driving - all far higher with young men than old. Hey - they are also more prone to shooting their mouths off before filling their heads with facts or experience! So yeah, let's take one murder out of the 15,000-16,000 per year and base new laws on it before we even know the story. Is the Filipina-Americano homicide rate out of order? We should expect five per hundred thousand, if it matches the average US rate, and there's millions of immigrants. So we need more than a hundred homicides a year or something on that order before it even breaks even with averages. We'd need homicide rates for 78 year old men and 21 year old wives as compared with 21 year old men and 21 year old wives. Logic tells us that if they follow average population data the murder rate for 21-to-21 year old is much higher. Simply because 78 year olds don't murder much of anyone. I do realize the sense of entitlement young people have. Older people cannot have the love of a younger person. This must be made illegal because it's too icky to think about. On the same basis then, young men should not be allowed to marry young ladies because it is just too icky to think about those punks defiling a beautiful young lady. Can you imagine some slimy, mouthy, ignorant punk on top of a hot young thing - that really creeps me out. Obviously kidding - look at how seriously people take themselves. This is the "today's news" fallacy. Whatever the media has selected as bait to get us looking at advertising is taken as some kind of general problem.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-21 16:43:00
Philippines	Crime-Safety-Advice-Pepper Spray	I fly to Manila alone. Today another VJ'er told me four kids circled him once in Manila while his fiancee was with him. The one in the back reached in his pocket and grabbed his leather glass holder out while he was fighting off the three in the front. He also said that the police will even target you and ask for your passport and might ask for 10,000 peso to give it back. Does anybody have any other stories ? I want to carry Pepper Spray but I just read you can't take it in Customs or on checked luggage when flying into Manila. Is this true ? I didn't have any trouble when I was there but safety is my number one goal and I am just trying to learn. Please share your advice. I travelled six islands of the Philippines for years before I met my wife. Usually on a motorcycle (trail bikes). Only once in a car. Trekked a lot in the Mountain and Kalinga provinces. I was stopped many times not just by corrupt police, but even simple highway workers. In Baguio City (they advertise themselves falsely as the cleanest city in Philippines) a cop pulled me over and tried to get money out of me for a license plate scam. On odd days locals with odd license plate numbers could drive on the main fareway. On even days people with even day plates could drive. Anyone passing through on the highway was free to drive any car. It was a pollution ordinance. I argued with him and he actually told me to report to police headquarters. He thought I would be afraid to. But instead I did it, and reported him to his superiors. In many places there are roadblocks to intercept NPA guerillas or illegal loggers and such. Those guys have pulled me over and tried to get money many times. I learned by then you start writing names down and asking what precinct they work for. Then they get in a real hurry to have you leave. Once there were three cops at this kind of roadblock and when I pulled out my international driver's license two of them turned away. But one kept insisting it was not valid. I started my motorcycle up and left him. One traffic cop really yelled at me a lot in a larger city. Not even sure what he was saying, but I ignored him too. One yellow-shirted traffic cop had me cold at the ATM. I turned left following everyone else, and pulled into the ATM. A sign saying "No left turn" was hidden behind all the electric wires, advertising signs, and it was too dirty to even see. It was a city next to our house so the family figured out who to bribe in the city office so that the ticket would disappear. Once some highway workers pulled us over. First trip on a motorcycle with my wife. A big Honda made to look like a Harley Davidson. These were not even people with badges - just some engineer types out inspecting a road. They badgered me, and I refused to give them anything. They told my wife in Tagalog to buy them lunch and everything would be OK. I didn't pay. I left them. Airport security have asked me directly for money. Brazenly. I would say that my typical experience with cops is that they don't demand a bribe directly, but instead harass you, waste your time, and hope you will pass them some money to have them leave you alone. There are professional gangsters out there too though, and they range from cunning city-slickers that see you coming off a domestic plane with a teen hotty and they target you. They approach to ask if you need a taxi, and they have a taxi guy off-airport that is going to come take you to an alley to be beaten up and robbed. If they are pushy and start grabbing your bags and taking you somewhere, then get your bags back and tell him you are calling the cops. I've done that. Out in the countryside though you have Abu Sayyef, NPA, and other stupid kidnap-for-ransom thugs that will stop buses with assault rifles and kidnap or kill people. These people are just barely above the intelligence of alligators and turtles - reptillian class gangsters. You might be better off keeping a cyanide capsule in your pocket if you are not up to the challenge. Edited by rlogan, 28 September 2011 - 02:01 PM.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-28 13:59:00
Philippines	On her way :)	Nookie Alert!	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-23 20:05:00
Philippines	Finally... she's on her way here	Might I suggest the mile high club if you are flying back together? My wife wouldn't do it.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-30 13:36:00
Philippines	Approved -- Kind of ;)	Bureacracy.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-10-07 18:56:00
Philippines	help with mama	If you're focused on caring for your family in the U.S., how is your ex taking you to court over child support? While this seems inconsistent in isolation, it is consistent when seen as a modus operandi.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-10-06 14:49:00
Philippines	help with mama	Its funny that so many of you are attacking him because of their age difference, saying he is robbing the cradle because she has no life experience. I joined this site (after just visiting the Philippines) I made the comment here, how shocked I was that there were so many older men (50yrs old) with such young girls(18-20yrs old)in Manila and that it turned my stomach. They had no life experience what so ever and now there is some American throwing money around luring them in. I was telling my fiance while we visited manila that there is no way that this would be acceptable in the states. Wow did I get attacked after posting my comment, saying I was insulting half of the VJ community and the comments just kept coming until I just laughed them off and didn't give a response to fuel the fire. Now its OK for you to do the same to Darren, because he doing the same thing that I was describing and your seeing the reality of it unfold here. Yes, I know there is a lot more to this story then just age, but man you love to mention it. lol Hi Edrotar. I certainly have empathy for being the target of manipulation by people who just want to put you down and shame you out of jealousy, spite, or because they are just mean people. An age difference presents an opportunity for nasty people to attack. People try to pretend the girl is a child. See how you selected the word "cradle" there. Look how you called it "luring" the girl too. She's a child victim. Pffft. We also hear sometimes how the girl is nothing but a prostitute. Or a scammer luring the feeble old fool with her body. Also pffft to that. All of this rubbish. Gretchen is an adult, and adults have rights. Same with Darren. We even have the right to be stupid. I exercise that right from time to time. Darren, Just get your finances together, set an amount you can afford to send back to help Gretchen's family. Hopefully you will come to your senses and let her either get a job or go to school to better herself. Once she is able to send her own money home she will feel like she is doing her part by helping her family back home without burdening you. As far as Gretchen goes dealing with her family back home, if she loves you then she will stay and if she doesn't love you enough then she will wish to be back home and take this a learning mistake. I really hope that doesn't happen, and you two can be the family both of you are dreaming of. I guess the slams against you are of your own doing and I'm hope you will never allow sharks in the water too feed off you again. Actually there have been some helpful things said late in this thread, and this is one of them. People are understandably caught up in the drama here. Some top flight stuff with incendiary language about tribalism, control to the point of pseudo-slavery, etc. So no reason to lock horns with people who are weary of the bizarre and hypocritical. One of the dis-services ignorance does is broadcast to others a misimpression about filippino culture. It is actually more diverse than US culture, and there are still tribes (eg Palawan, but even on Luzon over by Pinitubo too); an extremely conservative muslim culture (eg Minadnao and the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao (ARMM)) and then of course modern metropolitan melting-pots (eg Cebu or Dumaguete) and you cannot make generalizations. NPA goons in the mountains of Kalinga province, MILF, Abu-Sayyef, blowing up Superferrys and all - there is a lot to know about in the Philippines of grave consequence. When you have someone claiming extensive cultural knowledge and is representing things wrong, people get pretty hot about that. So I certainly empathize with that too.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-10-06 14:43:00
Philippines	help with mama	Unless the child care provider is working a minimum wage job, this statement is about the craziest thing I've heard. What extra insurance? Lot of the child care cost is written-off at the end of the year. I'm guessing most dual-income families wouldn't see their tax-rate increase. That's because you have no idea what living in a cabin in the woods of interior Alaska is like, nor our tax situation, nor the educational program for the children. We drive less than 5,000 miles a year. It would take four times that much just commuting to work, which would by federal mileage cost estimate add on the order of ten thousand dollars a year to expenses. Alaska at fifty below zero is way more expensive than the US averages. You have to keep your car heated, which adds over a hundred a month right there six months a year. To earn that much would require more like fifteen thousand pre-tax accounting for payroll tax and the income tax. It would also shift us into a higher tax bracket at a higher marginal income tax rate, because it is on top of my income. We'd have to insure another vehicle, we would have to quintuple the annual mileage, which would add to the premium. Alaska is about the highest cost state to insure vehicles. I would also have to strongly consider life insurance because commuting every day on icy roads with one-ton moose crossing regularly is dangerous enough with these kids depending on her. There's going to be accidents, absolute fact. We see as many as five cars off the road on a bad day going in. I go off. We carry chains, shovels, have winches, and people stop to help you. But you have no idea what we're up against. After forty below zero, we don't move. No machines, no vehicles - it's just too hard on them and way too dangerous if you break down. It is more expensive for everything in town - eating especially. The daycare charges are not the only cost. The transportation back and forth - now add that time on top of my wife's commute, plus the milage, and the kids will get sick far more often being exposed to every bug going on in town, so our medical costs are going to increase. We're talking on the order of twenty thousand a year she would have to earn for us to break even, and the family would lose her for over fifty hours a week including the commute. So what if she makes twice that - it isn't worth the wage slavery. But being stupid about money isn't even close to what's really important. My first son is not even two years old and he almost has the entire phonetic alphabet down already. He has a huge vocabulary. He was standing upright, holding himself with his arms at two months old. Walking around the house holding on to our hands by three months old. The second one is way behind him physically but he simply blossomed later and is taking off like a rocket ship now. The older boy can do pull-ups and has been working on wrestling and striking skills. They both pound on the piano. By not working, it freed us up to read the best peer-reviewed literature on advanced childhood development, so that's what we (she) does. For example Phil Zelazo at the McGill institute and Karen Adolph at New York University. We follow their work closely and incredibly they were gracious enough to correspond with us, sending us a lot of other pertinent peer-reviewed publications. Dr. Zelazo reviewed video we sent him and commented - can you imagine how stupid it would be by comparison to have our children in the hands of day-care flunkies? I don't know how far ahead of the pack these kids are going to be, but my brother and his wife started way later than we did. Both top flight academicians and they homeschooled. Their son went to college on a full academic scholarship, double majored early, and is now working making megabucks in computer engineering. A world class performance pianist too. I am not saying we can do that, but we have good reason to have high expectations if we follow a good program. They are not exceptional children. Above average but not special. They are in an exceptional program. If my wife had to commute to work every day and we did daycare - we would give up that future. So tell me I'm crazy now. Crazy like a fox maybe.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-10-05 13:26:00
Philippines	help with mama	I'll go one further. I am conservative leaning. I believe it's right for a woman to stay home with the kids, if financially possible. Actually, in this economic climate, I believe in one parent - be that the father or the mother - staying home with the child. I believe that it's unfortunate that parents mostly have to make child care arrangements so soon after giving birth, and mostly miss the little milestones and miss being the biggest influence in a child's life. I believe that tending the home/caring for the children is equally as important (if not more so) as going out to work; and if you are part of a strong team, one should stay home while the other goes out to work. Division of labor, you know. This is so true! My God, just to work from here: commuting cost, extra insurance, child care cost, the taxes on the money earned - there isn't enough gain in working unless she were a trial lawyer or surgeon. We see people killing themselves doing just that, and they are so cranky with stress. Saying all that, even though this is what I believe, I would never ever ever be ok with staying home while living check to check. It's not a strong financial plan. It's living in terror if you ask me. I felt that terror when my own lovely teen and family pulled manipulative stunts with me for money, and we had to deal with it before marriage. It was just in the beginning, we worked through it, and it's over.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-10-03 15:10:00
Philippines	help with mama	You've completely pulled off the bait n switch. van with the 'free candy' sign has wilted broccoli inside. Too funny. But sad. Not just with her, but us too. Because in the beginning I had the impression someone was rolling in money - great job; helping everyone else out... By reading the whole thread where the most recent information has been revealed (partly) it looks about as bad as you framed it: not even making the obligations with a prior marriage? We don't know, but it looks a lot more likely than it did in the beginning. I hope when the time comes, Gretchen pulls off a successful VAWA. Who knows what the full story is, or the other side of the story or whatever. The one thing not to do is underestimate Gretchen.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-10-02 19:57:00
Philippines	help with mama	Does your wife work outside the home? I think it's good for a woman to make at least some financial contribution to the household. We both work from home. We live in a cabin in the woods, and the idea is to maximize the time home, especially with two kids. I do consulting on the internet but have done construction too. My wife helps do things I would have to pay for. If I need to do meetings or focus groups or presentations you always need someone else doing registration or recording or whatever. So she does that kind of thing, and she gets whatever I would have to pay. But her highest value is in home production. Not just the kids and running the house, but we have a lot of homesteader-type work we do. Wood harvesting is top of the list because we heat with it, along with snow removal in the winter, and in summer we have a system of trails we maintain. Don't laugh but her cruising of Craigslist is worth a fortune. A $1,000.00 plow truck for example - the plow alone was worth more than that! Four-wheelers and snowmachines, construction materials like free plywood, 110 gallons of heating fuel for $2.74 a gallon plus the two 55 gallon drums - some incredible scores. A free piano - beat that. Anything she produces like that is essentially untaxed income. She gets what we call "salary" for whatever she does. About to score $500, the bounty on the $1,000.00 four wheeler. I think she pulled it off tonight. She gets a modest amount monthly too. I'm a retired professor so we're home schooling. Bussing the kids anywhere is a huge negative for many years down the road. Even Moms who are active at their children's schools don't get enough varied socialization if the only other women they know are just like them. I imagine so. We are happy as clams with the two of us and the kids all day. I don't think it's "un-traditional" at all for a woman to go earn a little bit of money. Women have taken in laundry, baked, mended, and cleaned other peoples houses for centuries in order to help make ends meet. Couldn't agree more. They also welded at airplane assembly plants in world wars and led men into battle on occasion. So what if the women in Gretchen's village don't work. Isn't it part of the "problem" in the village that people are poor? The way out of poverty is to work. I think if Darren really wanted Gretchen to move beyond what he calls her "tribalism" then he'd encourage her to move into at least some form of feudalism. *edited for spelling* I see. Oh dear. I must not have made it clear I was joking around with the job empowering Gretchen. Of course it would and it would be good for her. Mine was studying accounting in college, and was going to continue on when she came here but two kids later we are loving the work-at-home thing in a pristine, quiet place with nature all around us.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-30 01:07:00
Philippines	help with mama	Because that would empower her?	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-29 17:29:00
Philippines	help with mama	maybe MIL and FIL blew that deal due to misappropriation of funds. or maybe FIL wanted an upgrade from a pump boat... http://sulit.com.ph/3672781 Beauty. Mindanao is fished out close to the bigger cities, and further out there are some areas that were dynamite fished. That hull shape, but on smaller scale, can get you out to the grounds where tuna and other big money fish are, but without high operating and maintenance costs. Kind of exciting to think about. For me anyway. Picking fish off a gillnet is a lot of fun. Honest work too. I'd operate out of West Palawan. Plenty of fish and not many people. Other than Chinese, Vietnamese, and Philippine Navy ships threatening each other over the Spratleys. We just have a little one for family fish, not to market. No engine. Skid Row budget boat.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-28 01:28:00
Philippines	help with mama	OMG I missed the post with the cryptic comment about the ex hauling Darren back to court. Geez. Yer makin' it too easy Darren! Drama 101. Did I forget to mention I was up on two counts of capital murder with aggravating circumstances in Idaho? I thought there was a boat in this deal that is still forthcoming. I got a pretty modest one there (Mindanao) but a beefy one here. I commercial fished in the Bering Sea for salmon. Drift gillnet out of Emmonak. I can do some boat scouting for you there. You have to know fishing on Mindanao to get the right boat.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-27 21:45:00
Philippines	Sending money to your wife's family for hospital expenses	If she does know what she's doing is wrong, then she is in complete denial. Not quite. You are the one in denial. She is denying that what she is doing is wrong, yes. But that strategy is working just fine for her in keeping you frustrated and confused, which is exactly why she's doing it - and you can't seem to accept that she could have such amoral character. Just how can I confront this? I can just off the power, disconnect her cell phone service, take away her car keys, etc. Predictably, she'll then say I'm the bad guy. But if I do all that and she still sticks with me, then what does that say about her quest for a "better host"? I really suggest the book "In Sheep's Clothing" by George Simon. In Chapter 10 he talks about "Redefining the Terms of Engagement". To understand it best you really need to read the whole book, and I had several books under my belt before I read that one. What all of them recommend is first throwing all of the manipulative people out of your life that you can. For those that absolutely cannot be gotten rid of, then they can be dealt with - but its more like dealing with a machine than a person, and you need to be prepared for lifetime committment to this exhausting battle. I can't do the whole chapter here but one of the things I see you doing that Dr. Simon says not to do is "Avoid Fighting Losing Battles". You are not going to get her to admit that what she is doing is wrong. Let me quote it: whenever we persist in fighting a battle we can't possibly win, a sense of powerlessness and hopelessness ensues that eventually ends in depression. The "losing battle" that manipulation victims often fight is trying to make the manipulator change. They get caught in the trap of constantly trying to figure out just what to say or do to get their manipulator to behave differently." That's exactly what you are doing, from beginning to end with these threads. There's a bunch of stuff in that chapter, but one of them is that yes - the machine understands choices it is given, if you can enforce the choices you put in front of the machine. You try to make them win-win situations so that the machine chooses those. But you are still putting the cart before the horse here because by far the main point of the chapter and all of the literature on this is to put your energy into where the power is - in your own behavior: It's hard for some people to accept the notion that they must take on the burden of changing their own behavior in order to improve their relationship with a manipulator. It took me a while, and people told me - there must be something wrong with you that you have this problem with manipulators in your life. Wow, were they right. The problem was ME. I kept saying THEM THEM THEM. How can I change THEM. What can I do about THEM. Well, the only thing you can change is yourself. You can't change them. It is counter-intuitive maybe that if you have a problem with a manipulator then there is something wrong with you. Normal people avoid nasty people. That's why this is so simple to them. You dump her and get a decent woman. But no, you insist on living with Frankenstein. Frankenstein is not going through a phase. Sure, she might stick with you. But she'll still be Frankenstein. If she leaves you she'll be Frankenstein with them too. You have to give up this futile belief that she is going through a phase and that you can change her. That's what is wrong with you.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2010-12-12 01:57:00
Philippines	Sending money to your wife's family for hospital expenses	She simply has a delusion that I have some kind of bottomless pit of money that I'm hiding from her. She doesn't have a delusion that you are a bottomless pit of money. She knows what she is doing is wrong. Nobody knows better than her. That's why she refuses to see a counsellor. Manipulators refuse to fight fair, they know a professional counsellor is an impartial referee, so they refuse counseling. The person who is deluded is you. I don't say this to cut you down and insult you. Just being frank. You can't seem to accept that she knows what she is doing is wrong. If you admit to that, then you have to deal with what that implies about her love for you. As someone else said (I think it was Kevin), love is a very powerful thing. Because I love my wife, I'm hopeful that she'll overcome this stage and she'll understand that what she's doing is wrong. Extremely intelligent professional people have been driven to clinical depression, had their careers ruined, bankruptcy, etc. by run-of-the-mill average IQ unemployed manipulators because the victim "loved" them and ground themselves into dust trying to get their spouse to "see" what they were doing was wrong. The joke is on them because the manipulator knows all along what they are doing is wrong. They just have no scruples. Having the victim exhaust themselves trying to make them "see" what they already know is wrong is one of the reasons the manipulator has so little respect for their victim. Manipulators figure if people are going to act that dumb then they deserve what they get. My wife shows in a lot of ways that have nothing to do with money that she loves me and that she's committed to the relationship working. Of course she does. Willing to absolutely everything except, uh, fix the problem. A good parasite never kills its host. So of course she's going to keep the relationship "working". Until she finds a better host. Could I use counseling? I've been in support groups and have been to counseling and it is largely through those groups that I've learned to be more comfortable with saying no or being "tough". That's stated in a way that does not indicate that you have been to support groups and counselling for this matter under discussion. That's a pretty important qualifier. A seasoned professional is going to zero in on the incapacity of yours in accepting that she knows what she is doing is wrong. I have no malice towards you. I hope that never is implied in the things I have said.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2010-12-11 04:00:00
Philippines	Sending money to your wife's family for hospital expenses	My wife won't go to counseling even if a gun were held to her head. Hi Gilles. That's typical manipulator intransigence. I see that you disagree with me about the possibility that she's also trolling for other men to use, and the evidence is other healthy Filipina relationships you see. I do agree with you that Filipinas are more family-committed than their American counterparts. But we are not talking about Filipinas. We are talking about manipulators. There are innumerable numbers of Filipina web cam/chat scammers, visa fraudsters, and even murderers - every one of them manipulative cheaters in romance. I have to agree with those that have said you cannot counter-manipulate an expert manipulator, and I've seen that kind of thinking in your posts from the very beginning. I also agree with the ones who have said we need to look at ourselves when we are in these situations and ask what it is about ourselves that is wrong. What I learned from my struggles with manipulators is that it went all the way back to my childhood. Because I grew up in a household with it, I had a disability in dealing with it, and came to both expect it and find comfort in it with mates (as bizarre as that sounds). I had to learn through books how to fix myself. I cannot change manipulative people, but I can sure change myself. It is so wonderful being married to a normal person. Together with a manipulative wife we were making over $200K per year including benefits. We didn't pay a penny in dental or medical because we were double-insured. We were putting $20K in the bank annually on top of both very generous retirement plans. Two years ahead on the mortgage payments. But I was the most miserable S.O.B. on earth. Every night with my head in my hands in anguish. Now I'm in poverty by comparison (not literally, but WAY poorer) and I am the happiest guy on earth. Although you are mostly harping on money, your problem isn't about money. All the money in the world isn't going to fix it. I hope that you do try to do some reading or get some counseling. Nothing to be ashamed of there. It was the best thing I ever did for myself other than marrying this scorching hot Filipina youngster. Yow. What a wife and mother she turned out to be.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2010-12-09 20:52:00
Philippines	Sending money to your wife's family for hospital expenses	One of the things that you learn to do Gilles is to watch what people do instead of listening to what they say. I was deficient that way. It was a personal weakness of mine. Too trusting. Naiive. Gullible. It isn't worth anguishing over what she says and what it means. The only thing you can go by is what she does. I can tell you what else she is doing: She's sending out feelers with other men. Dropping little hints, making allusions, turning on the charm and then turning it off. She's evaluating how they are responding. Lining up candidates. Eliminating others. All of her actions - whether it is work or school & etc. have that component figured into it. I am not saying that she is actively pursuing an affair. What she is doing is keeping that option available in subtle ways, always covered in plausible deniability. By the looks of things, she will dump you if she can engineer the opportunity, rather than vice-versa. You can talk about what you are going to do when the debt comes due, and how you are going to take full control of her income - but you can't plan with manipulators. You did not plan for her borrowing money in secret and against your will, and you can't plan for whatever she does next. About the only thing you can count on is that like now, she will treat you as an enemy: do it behind your back and lie about it. Like a lot of men, all she's got to do is charm you in bed and the most aggregious kinds of acts are forgotten. But what you have to remember is manipulative people are not capable of love and empathy. They can just as easily snuggle up to a rotting corpse as they can with you. She's going to paint you in the eyes of other people in the manner that best suits her objectives. With potential lovers you are the manipulative, controlling, abusive ogre. They'll be set up to play the hero, rescuing her from your clutches. That is an irresistable role for a lot of men. A person who demonstrates such brutal infidelity about money wouldn't think twice about other forms of infidelity. Your feelings are immaterial. People are objects to attain ends. The things that matter to her are cold calculations like where she is on permanent residency, what options she has available - not marriage vows. When the next infidelity comes, and the next one after - I am not one to gloat with "I told you so". It's a sad thing. So many beautiful, kind, and giving Filipinas out there pining away for a man. That's who I think about in these situations. The nice girls that would knock themselves out to take her place. But Hey! I could be totally wrong and tomorrow she shows up with two of her scorching-hot younger friends and says "honey, I want to make this up to you..." Might be a game-changer in the offing, y'know? Best of luck.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2010-11-06 17:44:00
Philippines	Sending money to your wife's family for hospital expenses	I just found out that she sent an additional amount to her family in the Philippines that was equivalent to half a month's income for her. And she failed to consult with me ahead of time. Now she wants to go to school so she can work full-time and make a higher hourly wage. I can't imagine why I shouldn't insist that she save up her money and pay the initial tuition fees herself. Hi Gilles. As you know I kept up with the thread on her manipulative behavior. What she is doing now is called the "double bind" and it's a pretty cruel, cold calculating tactic of a manipulator. She's borrowed the money and not told you about doing so, because of course you would not approve. The intention is coming to you later with the debt and saying that you either pay the debt or else the consequences of loss of face to the lender etc. are your fault. A double bind is where you lose no matter what you do. If you don't pay the debt then there are bad consequences. If you pay the debt you have been blackmailed, which is a bad consequence too. You lose no matter what you do. Manipulative people are experts at this tactic. The important thing for you to see is how savage this kind of behavior is. She knows exactly what she is doing. The secrecy is critical. Without the decepetion she cannot put you in the double bind. There is a feeling of anguish and hopelessness with the double bind. An expert manipulator puts you on an endless conveyor belt of double binds in order to wear you down, break your will, and make you easier to dominate and control. The very best of them also know that a good parasite does not kill its host. So when it looks like you are going to divorce them or do something really serious to threaten their gravy train then they know just how much false hope to instill in you by pretending to become reasonable, shedding tears, making false promises, etc. The most clever manipulators will not actually tell you about the debt when it comes due. They will act like something is obviously wrong, cry, and force you to pry it out of them that they borrowed money and oh gosh they feel so horrible about it boo hoo hoo. They'll get their victim feeling so sorry for them that the victim is actually comforting their ruthless tormentor. It is quite true that some hospitals will not let you out unless you pay. I told my wife that was preposterous once, but sure enough when she was admitted and I wanted to leave, a guy with a shotgun would not let us off the grounds until we paid in full. I had wanted to leave because we could not find the administrators to pay the bill, but if we stayed they would charge us for another day. Talk about blackmail! Good Lord was it a nightmare just paying them. We never went there again. But this does not make it your obligation to pay. I recently had to say no to our family for that exact same thing - and it was not extended family. It was my wife's mother. We have been sending money, but the rule is that's all they get. Medical expenses are not an emergency. Nor is a funeral, a wedding, or a typhoon. These are events to be expected in the course of life. If you are not saving for them then that means your plan was to come to us for them. We do not agree to that plan. The answer is no. I am so grateful for my wife. My God how wonderful life has been with her, standing together as a team. Communicating honestly and openly. Saying the difficult but truthful things to her family. They have respected us for it, and things are just fine between us. I've lived how you are too with a black-hearted manipulators that were capable of insufferable cruelty. I wouldn't wish that life on anyone. I would leave her. You mentioned children. My God, you think it's bad now - just wait until you have children. If she had agreed to counselling and was serious about admitting her destructive behavior and throwing a lot of effort into changing - that would be one thing. But that is not the situation. I wish you well. My life sure is wonderful now, being free of manipulative people.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2010-11-05 23:57:00
Philippines	Philippines: China executes 3 Filipino drug mules	Dead drug smugglers never smuggle drugs again. Good policy! Everyone has a sadistic streak in them, some of course way more than others, but the easiest way to get that sadistic streak out is to have government sanction or tolerate brutality. Lots of people felt exactly as you do for the tens of thousands of blacks lynched to death by burning, hanging, and beating in full view of law enforcement and the newspaper writers in the USA. The blacks, the indians, the witches, the jews, the homosexuals, the gypsies, the Arabs - there's no end to the list of people we can dehumanize. One drug, alcohol, kills far more than heroin does - order of magnitude more - plus there's tobacco killing more as well. All you have to do is make alcohol and tobacco death-penalty crimes and just like you people will be found applauding it, relishing the execution of another human being. Pass the beer and nuts, please. What fun! So too it is for sodomy or insulting the king or whatever. Other people will come out cheering death penalty for that. They filled the Roman Ampitheater with tens of thousands cheering on in wild ecstasy as animals tore other humans apart. It was a carnival sport because the government said it was OK. All over the world at this moment people are being butchered, and the reasoning is always so casual. I was a death penalty advocate when younger, but the Innocence Project that used DNA to prove shocking numbers of death-penalty convicts were completely innocent that turned the tide for me. I have watched all of these ludicrous FBI cases in the press where they used agents provocateur to both pay and incite these poor dolts into some fantasy "terrorist" plot. People of lower IQ or emotionally unstable nature manipulated into signing false confessions. Witnesses dead-sure of identification that were proven wrong. When it is a communist system with very little protection of rights, the potential for wrongful prosecution is just too high to cheer on the death penalty, especially when the communist government is making good money selling body parts. I notice that in a lot of these wrongful prosecution cases the cops play the odds. In most murders for example the perpetrator is known to the victim so that's the first people the cops focus on: family and associates. So we can only hope your cheering on of the death penalty is attended by a loved one of yours being sexually assaulted and murdered, and you are charged with the crime. You'll be innocent, but it will be like others you can watch documentaries on that were wrongfully prosecuted. I can't pretend to be holier than thou. But anyone applauding execution I urge to think more carefully about it. Ask yourself if you can do the execution personally. Are you really that committed. If we put these particular defendants, the accused drug mules, before you are you saying you'd be happy to kill them yourself? Because to me, that's what you are saying. Now you actually do have to think about consequences. Living with that in your conscience.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-04-02 17:25:00
Philippines	Travelling with an infant	Thank you. My son will be 13 months when we travel to Manila in November. I was thinking to just get a baby slinger from Target. Thanks for the info, I will call and ask Korean Air. beth We used Korean Air. They gave us bulkhead seats and it was just 10% for the infant ticket so long as they are less than 2 yrs old. Great legroom, and I could even lie down on the floor to sleep curled up.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-04-07 20:16:00
Philippines	first met fiance online	Forgive us for the insult by one poster. The mods and admins tolerate him and apparently they won't kick him off like other forums and clubs have been smart enough to do. I will be edited and sanctioned for telling you this but those of us trying to be more civil and upbeat don't know what to do. Just don't take it as representative of the forum despite it being tolerated. When you met online isn't all that important compared to whether you have met in person within the last two years. Have your photos time-stamped. They rejected ours despite it not being a requirement we could find.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-04-07 19:15:00
Philippines	Power outages, brownouts in Mindanao	Nope. Bombings in Muslim Mindanao are so much a part of many Pinoys' idea of business as usual there that they hardly make headlines anymore in the national news, unless MILF and the other Islamic renegades bring their dirty business to a busy Metro Manila street or the body count is very high indeed that "imperial" Manila just had to take notice. Grace I liked your wording. Have to agree.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-03-26 21:55:00
Philippines	Power outages, brownouts in Mindanao	The MILF seems to have a more complicated relationship with the power companies there. When I was writing a coffee table book under the auspices of the National Power Corp, I had to forgo going to that area myself because apparently, we would have to be escorted to certain places of interest not by government soldiers but by MILF rebels. There seems to be a gentlemen's agreement in place that enables government to nominally function in the MILF-controlled areas. Grace True to a significant degree, but are you saying I'm imagining the bombings of towers? Like this one: MILF Bombing Causes Mindanao Blackout Or this one: Two Towers Bombed Or this one: ARMM Transmission Tower bomb It isn't just the transmission towers. Two years ago they took out the bridge over the Agus River next to Maria Christina Falls power plant. Many examples. It is no surprise needing MILF escorts in either the ARMM or in any MILF held territory. I suspect strongly there are "Gentlemen's Agreements", absolutely - money to the MILF buys "protection" for power lines. They get protection money from farmers, ranchers, businessmen, bus lines, etc. You must know this if you have that level of familiarity with Mindanao. There was a big fuss recently over the politicians paying to campaign in NPA territory. Business as usual in the Philippines, and not just Mindanao. The MILF has a website. I follow their articles, and this power generation/transmission matter is still a sore spot with them. They also feel the ARMM is corrupt, and not desrving of the transfers the national government is making to it in part as compensation for their natural resources. Even when the MILF supposedly agrees to something, the always-fractured nature of these rebel groups leaves some splinter group unhappy and they continue to fight on. I do agree with you that the MILF works with the power company, because the NPC really has no choice. But the bombings of power lines, bridges, stores, buses and all - it's a long way from over on Mindanao. Cheers.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-03-24 22:35:00
Philippines	Power outages, brownouts in Mindanao	Brownouts have been common because the water levels in the Hydro plants have been low for some time. Almost 3/4 of the hydro on Mindanao is from plants on the Agus River, eminating out of Lake Lanao in the heart of the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao (ARMM). More than half the electricity is hydro on Mindanao. The additional factor there is that the MILF blows up the distribution line towers from time to time because they don't like the resources from their region being commandeered by the government. In Iligan City, the first major city directly from the Agus River power stations, eight-hour brown-outs were occurring in our sector of the city one year ago. It's better now but there are still fairly regular rolling brownouts. We bought a generator for our house. El Nino is the main culprit on these water level crises. They are installing more capacity. APC claims they have 55 hydro plants on the board. Just yesterday NPA guerillas killed two army soldiers in the Davao area: NPA Rebels Kill Two in Davao Ambush Not long ago I think the NPA killed six over there. Took over a police station IIRC. I don't follow Davao's NPA retards as closely as the MILF. Davao's NPA goons are morons whereas our terrorists at least base things on indigenous land claims, not communist organized crime piffle. Davao City has its underside. Jumping on a bus between there and Cotobato seems like Russian Roulette to me. It ranks 2nd in HIV cases, and there's plenty enough shabu in Davao too. Our auntie lives there and definitely it is better than Iligan. But you can't be taking on a cavalier attitude anywhere on Mindanao as the US State department warns. Matter of fact a cavalier attitude is just about the best recipe for getting into trouble, and political assassinations like Steve Kindy are very real threats to your safety. I'm sure the NPA would love taking out the arrogant foreigner parading around like a peacock. Note the size of the brain on a peacock as compared with his display of feathers.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-03-24 18:01:00
Philippines	need someone to talk to...	She must have taken his computer.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2010-08-16 14:27:00
Philippines	to all first time driver (shere your experience)t	Then finally after months of hubby's convincing me to practice driving through his Xbox driving assimilation game.. found out that tha;s the best way to learn how to drive really. This has merit because one major difference between the US experience and the Philippines is that people in the US, especially the men, get a lot of practice at similar things - bicycles, bumper cars, mini-bikes, go-carts, video games, etc. that teach a person to think ahead and act in a moving environment before they ever drive a car. A person who has never even ridden a bicycle is going to be blown away just by the terrain moving past them. Husbands and wives absolutely can be teacher and student. No problem. What it takes is the conscious and sincere agreement between both of you about your attitude. I've been a teacher all of my life. I had the patience and even temper for it, but my wife had a bad attitude about taking directions. We had to make an agreement about her attitude every time we practiced. She had to get rid of the pride and arrogance of thinking she needed to be convinced she should stop and to stop immediately when she heard the word "stop" because it was a life and death matter. Getting over that attitude has made her capable of driving bulldozers, skid-steers, loaders, four-wheelers, and snow-machines too. One of the things we did that helped was to have her repeat each instruction back to me. If you can't repeat what was just told to you then you weren't listening. Filipinas seem to have a bad habit of saying "yes" when they aren't listening. It's sort of a way to pretend you are being cooperative when what you are really doing in this case is placing people's lives at risk because you aren't even listening to what you are being told.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-13 00:57:00
Philippines	Visiting the US using tourist visa after getting married	Hi everyone! Just re-posting...this is the more appropriate forum section I believe I'm getting married to my US citizen fiance (naturalized, we were high school classmates) here in the Philippines. Due to time constraints, he will be going back to the US a week after our wedding. I am a US Tourist Visa holder and we thought if I could go with him to the US after the wedding so we can spend more time together. Then after a month's stay go back here to the Philippines to take care of the legal documents we would be needing for the immigration and of course, take care of the process itself. I have been to the US twice, 2009 and 2010, and during those times, I always visited my fiance. However, my POEs at both visits were not direct to my fiance's city of residence, I would visit relatives first. My stay in the US during those two accounts lasted for 6 weeks. And during my 2nd visit, I stayed for 5 weeks with my fiance. Now, I'm thinking whether there's a possibility that I would be denied at the POE given the situation that I would then be married to a USC and the POE would then be direct to my fiance's city of residence. Would love to hear any advice or similar experiences. Thank you very much! Hi. I can't give a definitive answer but one thing is for sure - if Immigration thinks you have even slightly bended the truth then there can be trouble. I'd think the most important issue is whether on your tourist visa application you were completely truthful about the purpose of the visit being to see and stay with your fiance. Because if you did not say that, then I can see them denying entry because the visa was not granted for that purpose. It must have been some kind of multiple-entry visa, the way you have described it. Suppose you had such a tourist visa and in the meantime you looked for and obtained an employment offer from some US firm over the internet. That would definitely be a violation of the visa terms because you would actually be coming for the job, but using a tourist visa for entry. This seems similar because you aren't coming as a tourist. You are coming to see your husband. My feeling is that if this were me, I would want an answer directly from the point of entry people. I called the Seattle office directly to ask them a question I was concerned about with my wife. I forget what it was I asked them, but I found their phone number on the internet and called them. I'd recommend doing that along with a lot of other research to make sure.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-15 13:52:00
Philippines	Greencard and Social Security Card	and, rlogan, they seem to have a piss poor attitude towards the customer in general. when we went there to get nessa's ssn, it was a lot of grief and no she wasn't eligible and no they didn't want to look at the paperwork we'd brought of their own rules saying she was eligible. we wound up getting her a ssn within a few weeks, but i coulda done without the worker's attitude. In our case we had an employee that despite having a green card in hand in her married name (we had given up in frustration and decided to wait until the green card came) demanded we go get a certified copy of our marriage certificate. Wow did she show how much fun she was having refusing us. The place is crawling with security - two metal detector/search zones and six armed men just to wait in line to see this petty tyrant. We came back with the certified marriage certificate and that's when we saw the new employee. We went to her instead. She did not need the certified marriage certificate and cheerfully approved our application. That other long-time employee tried to argue with her and make up new reasons to deny us. She looked really frustrated that the new employee stood her ground and approved us. That's why on other places in this forum people recommend going to an office outside your area if you have monsters like this in your local office.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-16 13:40:00
Philippines	Greencard and Social Security Card	My wife passed her interview and now waiting for her passport to be returned with her visa. IS there anything else needed to be done for her to receive her Green Card and SS card? The Social Security offices are staffed with really poorly trained employees, and in our case a very malicious one too who enjoyed trying to interfere every way she could in our obtaining it. Over the years here I have seen more complaints and horror stories from the SS offices than anything else - people leave their communities and go to other places where the staff actually knows what they are doing... having to get congressmen involved (in our case even that didn't work). First they claimed my wife was not eligible and we had to get a supervisor, and show them the rules. Then they filled out their forms incorrectly twice. Then they lost our file, then refused to allow us to fill out another application since we had already filled one out that they couldn't find. Then they actually asked us to commit a felony by changing our I-94 stamp. Our congressman could not make them do anything. Finally a new employee came to work for them and the first time we saw her she completed the form correctly and got us her social security number. Her supervisor tried to stop her but she showed her supervisor the printed rules and said she was going to follow them. They never answered their phones. They did not call back despite saying they would if you left a message. Basically you have to know their job better than they do and be prepared to fight like a bulldog unless you are lucky enough to get an employee that knows what they are doing. Try to get information from other people who have experience with your local office. If they say to go to a different office - then do it.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-05-13 01:14:00