Forum	Title	Content	Member	Sex	Country	Date/Time
Philippines	WHAT IF questions...	I'm from Mindanao too-Iligan. So are we. Tomas Cabili.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-13 19:28:00
Philippines	Bringing her Sister?	You can try a student visa, it probably won't be granted. You'll will have to wait the 3 years for your wife to gain citizenship, then she can file for her sister. Then you'll can wait the 23 years for a visa to become available. Age of sister = 10 Wife's citizenship 3 years Visa available= 23 years Total age of sister to migrate 39 years of age. Sounds like marrying the little sister at age 18 is the way to go.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-24 16:32:00
Philippines	Imported vs local items	The clothes make a person. Disagree. For some this might be true. But not me. What makes me is my abilities. Clothes also help to determine your station in life. Disagree. I do not have a "station". I have talents and expertise. Others have their talents and expertise. I don't care what they look like. but if you are trying for a raise or for a promotion at work, look at what it takes to get there. I can't get promoted because I work for myself. I have to submit work proposals along with cost estimates to clients, in competition with other contractors. The only thing that matters is the work product and the price you are charging for it. Sometimes it is technical report production and sometimes it is construction contracting. Clothes don't matter, although if I have to testify in court sure - I don't wear the clothes I do when I am running a bulldozer. I'm a pilot, and have never worn a uniform. I have an airplane instead. I think this difference of approach to clothes in part has to do with how a person views himself: as an employee vs. an independent contractor. Working on your own or for someone else. Whether it is actually doing the thing that matters or the impression you front. I may not be conveying this in the most lucid way. But I am trying. If you saw the two of us standing next to each other, yeah - everyone is going to say the guy in the uniform is the pilot and I am the gardener. Sam Walton was the same way. He was the richest man on earth, but if he pulled up next to you in the old pick-up truck he drove around, you would think he could not afford a decent vehicle because he was a person with low "station" in life. In reality, Sam was a guy that could fix his own pick-up truck. So why buy a new one. But yeah, it matters to some people how you look. In the impressions they form about you. But if the only thing that matters to you is what you are capable of, then their opinions don't matter. If you pull up next to me when I am driving my dump truck, you will think "dump truck driver". But that is not my "station" in life. That is an ability I have, along with being able to keep it going doing the mechanical work, welding, etc. by myeslf because I built my own shop too. If I am in my 40 mpg '91 subaru, with the plastic over the back window, you are going to think I am a bum. But it is the mileage that matters to me, and I don't care how it looks. Do not judge a book by its cover. It might be tattered, but it's what's inside that matters.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-27 14:30:00
Philippines	Imported vs local items	Recently, a friend of mine came for vacation and I was so surprise how shopaholic she was. She got new bags, shoes, accessories and I was a watcher thinking about if tomorrow she'll buy new stuffs again. To be realistic it's girls weaknesses. But others are too shopaholic that everytime they see something new at mall, they really cant help but to get it at any cost. I always in control about acquiring things. I basically own 5 bags, and I change bags every after 2 years and handed it down to my sisters, cause I want them to use it too in good condition. My expensive bag cost only for $250 dollars, and others are half the price, and lesser..shoes, I always buy mine in local stores, some are made in Marikina..cause American size are big for my size( 5). And my shoes/sandals ranges from 2500 pesos to 150 pesos..from(ukay-ukay). Do you ask your fiancee to buy things from US? and what is his reaction everytime you look for something you want to order? I am not sure I understand the question. But my wife has one bag that cost nothing. It is a hand-me-down from a friend. She has not bought one article of clothing in the 2.5 years she has been here. She did get some pink sandals from Wal-Mart. I have bought her expedition weight arctic gear though so it isn't like I'm a scrooge. She has over $1500 in gear made by Apocalypse Design, arguably the finest arctic gear producer in the world. But the only other clothes she has gotten were given to us. She buys me clothes at the thrift store. Two dollar shirts. Pants $4-$6. This is the same girl that three years ago blew the Manila travel money on clothes. She did a lot of walking while hungry. Ha ha - eat the clothes honey. Imported vs local has no relevance to us. The idea is getting the best things for the job for the least amount of money. For example, it is better to buy computers off the shelf here and travel with them instead of buying them there or trying to ship them. A purse, if we bought one, is more like a hundred peso item. To each his own though. I understand how different things can be in a city. Suppose you were to step up to the curb in a pair of shoes you were wearing the day before. Who is going to care that they are $900 shoes? It would be better to have worn no shoes at all. If you have only one pair of $900 shoes, people are going to accuse you of buying above your station in life. So you'll need a $1200 pair of shoes to put those people in their place.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-26 14:27:00
Philippines	Things your wife/fiancee found strange about the states	On the good side, she has now encountered and learned the benefits to a culture that is: Thinking and planning ahead. Paying attention. Focusing. Being precise, speaking in complete accurate sentences, enunciating: exercising clear communication etiquitte and skills. Being punctual, true to your word, and trustworthy to follow through. Working your butt off. 110% effort. The concept of saving for the future instead of living from crisis to crisis. One thing about americans as people - not their government but as people - they are not wealthy because money fell from the sky. They are productive. They work. They work smart. For them, time is money. In her province, if you asked someone what time it was while the clock was showing 8:07, they might tell you 8:00, and they might tell you 8:15. But not the actual time. What difference does seven or eight minutes make? Why would anyone need to know time to the minute? Why do you need to know the actual location I live in when you ask me? Isn't the largest city in my province better? Why pay the bill now when the service won't be shut off for a month? Why are you leaving money in the bank instead of spending it? Why do you arrive at meetings before they start? Ha ha! It is so rewarding to see my wife getting annoyed with people there doing the same things she used to do! These are third-world to first-world kinds of strangeness to encounter. In her province the myth is that if you married an American then all your troubles were over because you were rich. But instead, for her at least, it is a different way of thinking and acting.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-24 15:09:00
Philippines	visa interview and fiancee age	I guess we were lucky. Mine went to Manila. She had to ask me the mother's maiden name, yeah. She was 19. They didn't ask for parental consent.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-31 16:12:00
Philippines	Should I allow my wife to eat	Even for an american I have pretty terrible diet. As often as not breakfast is chocolate and a diet soda or Ice cream. Mcdonalds is my favorite restaurant. for whatever reason I'm still relatively thin. I thought I was immune to the bad effects but a couple years ago my cholesterol was up. Doc said exercise more and watch your diet. I went through a short phase of eating oatmeal for breakfast and paying attention to what I ate but that phase is pretty much behind me. Judy's diet is fish and rice and water with some occaisional fruits and vegetables. She will be here in a couple of months assuming all goes well. She seems to be pretty comfortable with the man (Me) being in charge. I assume if I was a smoker most people would be comfortable with me telling her she is not allowed to smoke. I also know that the best thing for both of us would be to add some more fruits and vegetables to her diet and then I adopt that. I know thats not going to happen. Other than fish sticks and tuna fish, fish tastes like fish, yuck!! If I don't decide ahead of time to not allow it , she will probably adopt my habbits in no time. separate diets is like a negative 10 in the romance department but If I try to modify my diet that will probably turn out to be a short phase like the last time. It crossed my mind that we could eat the same thing at the evening meal but have separate food for breakfast and lunch. You sound resigned to failure. Maybe you are overthinking it, and it will be no big deal. Maybe both of you will develop tastes that complement each other. Food is a huge agreement between us. Always the best food we have ever eaten, and a fun time together. We eat mostly the same stuff, but she might put a side of smelly shrimp paste on her plate, and I usually eat more vegetables. What's wrong with McDonald's? I bet she likes it. Mine sure does, and they have a playroom for the kids.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-03 00:11:00
Philippines	What did I do wrong?	Someone observed that tampo is universal across humans and is independent of culture per se, and there is at least one reason why. When humans are subject to abuse of one kind or another - physical or mental abuse - they fight back covertly. This rule spans all human relations, and it is important to point out it is a principle of warfare, not a principle of cooperation. When there is asymmetric power, the lesser force chooses guerilla warfare. To fight openly is suicide. You have to fight dirty. There are some saying tampo is "being quiet"and it is better than the option of screaming at your spouse. That is a false dichotomy. Those are not the only two ways to interact with your spouse. Communication between spouses is always paramount for cooperation. If you need to cool off from a heated discussion or think about your response for a while - then that is what you tell your spouse. You don't lie to them and sulk around, saying "nothing is wrong" when your actions are loudly saying something is wrong. You don't refuse to explain what is going on. If it is merely needing a little time, then you don't keep that a secret. Instead you urge your spouse to please understand you just need to think for a bit. Reasonable people understand that perfectly and will give you some time. So let's make sure we are distinguishing between two spouses communicating openly and clearly vs a spouse fighting back against perceived abuse of some kind. I say perceived abuse because it may be real abuse, or it may be that the person actually is like a narcissistic child. It is immature or a lack of character when people lie, conceal, and otherwise manipulate their spouse - the books on personality disorders talk about this in the context of people who have an impaired conscience. Almost all children will grow out of this behavior in the right environment. But people in abusive environments learn to fight covertly. In the US we would call it giving someone the silent treatment. It is a form of mental abuse. This behavior is never considered healthy by mental health professionals. Someone already did mention that the Filipino society is one in which more abuse of women is found, and this is how they fight back. Regardless of whether that is true, we should not cherish the woman's guerilla war against the abusive husband. We should just eliminate abuse from everyone and work cooperatively as a team in marriage. If you aren't going to do that, then what is the point of being married.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-21 14:40:00
Philippines	What did I do wrong?	I'm assuming there's a whole bunch of facetiousness in here Yes, of course.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-15 19:17:00
Philippines	What did I do wrong?	Please note, although you may believe she cannot be deported, divorcing 30 days AFTER the 10 year green is issued is a HUGE RED Flag to ICE. NOT Attempting to deport her CAN affect the OP should he go for another marriage to a non US Citizen, he will go through much pain because they will suspect him of marriage fraud from this marriage. Oh dear. I've been ignoring things from ya buddy, but here we have a significant technical matter. After she arrives on a fiance' visa you get married within the 90 days. Then she applies for Adjustment of Status, which results in a two-year green card. Permanent residency. She's already home free at this point and can get divorced but apply for the 10 year green card on her own. Citizenship too, should she want that. Unless there is substantial positive evidence of fraud there is nothing they can do, even with just the two year green card. She is in. Before adjustment of status, however, you can take them back to the refund window at the Filipina store. That's why I buy them in bulk. By the pallet. You always have back-up that way and you aren't in a hurry to get your money back. I think the balik bayan box is the way to go on the refunds. If she's small, she might fit into two boxes. Figure three for budgeting purposes though.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-15 15:18:00
Philippines	What did I do wrong?	About this being a cultural "tampo" thing we should "learn to live with"... The fact is some cultural habits are good to adopt and improve our lives whereas other cultural habits are destructive and should be abandoned. Cannibalism, incest, child rape, slavery, torture, human sacrifice - we can go on down the list of ghastly things you could accept under the wrong-headed view of preserving culture without evaluating it on the merits. On the other side of it we have honesty, integrity, thrift, planning ahead, clear communication, working hard...these are cultural features worth preserving. I do not buy into destructive behavior - either psychological or physical warfare. Marriage is about cooperation. Clear communication. So let's be clear: She's my property. She has to cooperate with whatever I want. My name is Mr. Big Boss. Ha ha! I don't see how we can argue about who wears the pants. In the end you have to cooperate to make nookie.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-15 13:12:00
Philippines	What did I do wrong?	I work in technical support and as such take phone calls as a part of my job. I am currently working from home to help her as she should not be moving around much for the first week and a half, and she is on crutches, so she can't carry much of anything. She had a friend come over, not a problem. I took my lunch break and made lunch for us and her friend brought over some food too. We had a nice lunch, and then I went back to work. She and her friend were chatting in the other room using their, I'm sitting across from you but I have to scream at you, voices, when a call came in that I had to take. I politely asked her if they could go into the next room over or keep their voices down. A few mins later, still on the same call and having trouble hearing the customer because they apparently didn't listen to me, I asked again. About an hour later after getting off the call I found out why it had gotten quiet, she kicked her friend out. She is now mad at me saying she wants to leave me because I was rude. She says she wants to leave me saying that she doesn't love me anymore. She is now trying to do everything for herself and is fighting me over it. If I try to help her she throwsthings around the house, mostly water bottles, but also 2 3-5 lb dumbells, her laptop, at least 1 of the 2 month old kittens, though that was more gently and with a "wee" sound on her part, and other assorted items. She has threatened to break the new AC, hit me with her crutches, a full on swing not anything accidental. She also hit her computer with the crutches too trying to make me mad or something. ...How can I fix this? And how can I get her to let me help her? I'd want to know why she is making war on me. You mentioned this is not the first time, and it was usually over stupid stuff so... Here is a standard manipulative tactic, designed to anger someone: do something offensive like interfere in a business call by pretending it is impossible to act like an adult and speak normally. Instead of speaking normally after being asked multiple times, do something extreme like kick her friend out, pretending you made her do that so she can then blame you unjustifiably. Maximum non-cooperation. If you do what they want by reacting in anger then they have you beat. Because now they'll blame you for getting angry and they'll keep repeating this stupid destructive cycle. When my teenage wife was choosing war like this I have to hand it to her because every time she came to her senses and admitted exactly what she did wrong. I would not have married her if she hadn't. Counseling was suggested, and one of the benefits of that is the counselor can be an impartial referee and call her selfish, childish acts for what they are. A five year old can lower their voice. Professional non-cooperative people scream when you need quiet, and mumble indecipherably when you need to hear them clearly. It is a conscious act on their part. Think about whether she does it both ways - make you say "What, what, what?" when you are trying to hear what she is saying to you. Neither of these things is an accident. Why are they doing it. There is an answer. "I don't know" is not an answer. Refusing to admit to their behavior is not an answer. You zeroed in on the most important part: they do it to make you angry. Telling you they don't love you... sheesh. There's some really great intentions, right? So she wants to hurt you. Great feature in a wife. The problem with this behavior is that so long as they decide they want you hurt, angry, exhausted, down - they're going to succeeed in that goal eventually. The occasional lunacy from pregnancy, post-partem depression or whatever is one thing. A reasonable person comes to their senses and admits they were out of line. But if it is a general pattern of behavior there is something seriouosly wrong. Why is she being so combative and stubborn? Someone suggested bipolar. Someone mentioned drugs. Another possibility is that yeah - she doesn't love you or at least feel like it is worth her while to treat you decently.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-14 01:41:00
Philippines	Any USC Successfully working in RP before retirement ?	Just wondering if any US citizens have successfully moved to the Philippines and found sustainable income ? I'm an IT worker for the last 18 years. I have at least another 18 years to go before normal retirement in the US. There's a lot that is appealing to me in RP to live. I just wish I could have a sustainable income to move there. As I start to think about retirement planning in the US for our future I have a very long way to go as far as US retirement expenses, etc. I wish I could live a more relaxed lifestyle in RP that my current one in the US. I guess everyone does.. The area's I have been interested in was either some place in Cebu or Davao City maybe.. With IT maybe you can work online for US contracts, which is what I do. Then you can work for first world income. But there are some laws that make it difficult to pursue some US contracts while sitting in front of a computer in the Philippines instead of sitting in front of the very same computer in the USA. Philippines is on the edge of this stupid human trafficking designation that will prohibit me absolutely from doing any kind of work from there. I would not be able to run a call center for example to do any surveys in the US. Their logic is that if too many girls go to Japan to be Japayuki, then we will punish Philippines by putting the call centers out of business, which brings us to a clearer understanding of who is actually pushing for these kinds of laws. Follow the money. Cebu is good, yeah. Davao too. Dumaguete.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-08 13:21:00
Philippines	What are your 'friends' saying?	The "negative judgments" you are fretting about don't have anything to do with your woman being a Filipina. Older US men married to younger US women get the same things said about them, you know. You are the one putting the racist spin on it. What an odd attack. I really can't make sense of what you are saying except first the belittling comment about "fretting". This is a thread about what "friends" of immigrant spouses are saying. You are fretting about fretting in a thread about fretting. How I am putting "racist spin" on something? That makes no sense. Domestic women are not immigrant woman. So why you would inject them into a discussion about immigrant women is a mystery. I am the one pointing out, through an author of a book on the subject, a bigoted or racist stereotype that is promoted about women who immigrate for marriage. So to you, that is me putting "racist spin" on something? Maybe you can explain the logic there? There are plenty of young, beautiful women In your opinion. You are entitled to it. But your opinion is irrelevant to my little weiner's calculus. He likes the asian girls, and the Filipinas with the Spanish blood mixed in there are bigtime catnip for Mr. Happy. He doesn't care what you think. Could you explain why your opinion should matter to mr. Weiner? I mean the biological mechanics of it. I'm not quite seeing it. Get me from the starting position where I am looking at a girl I find unattractive to the position where I have a big old woodie. But I am not allowed to close my eyes and imagine my wife in a schoolgirl outfit. in the US who are lower on the educational ladder than the male participants of this thread. They would be happy to be "kept" by an older man with loads of life insurance. I don't know if you all went looking for them or not. If so, why were they judged "unworthy". Come on, give it to me straight. Without any cultural or racist spin. You have put me into some kind of label. Whoever these people are that you refer to when you say: "you all went looking". I met my wife just doing my thing, which was traveling to remote jungles/wilderness areas and trying to meet the most primitive people I could. Live with them for a while and experience their lifestyle. It was an odd thing to do maybe but I lived many years of really crazy adventures. Along the way doing what I called "adventuring", I met my wife. I don't have any obligation to look for a woman beyond where I am already going and what I am doing. I trained hard to do the things I was into. It was dangerous. The babe factor was off the charts though, that's for sure. Definitely a great bonus deal. Same thing with sports. I trained hard and won titles, and so the cheerleaders took favor upon me. Being called to justify doing the cheerleaders is absurd, really - the logic is so elementary as to need no explanation. Maximum laziness, really in a way. Someone have a better idea than doing the cheerleaders? For me at least, any explanation of why I have a Filipina wife is the same. Sure, by way of information I can explain how we met. But when it crosses the line of being asked to justify to anyone else - it's absurd. Well, I won't go on because you seem to have a chip on your shoulder based on ideas about me that are certainly wrong. We just may not be communicating at all. I have no malice here so take care anyway.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-16 01:53:00
Philippines	What are your 'friends' saying?	I didn't read Steven's post as saying Filipina's are helpless, unworthy, etc. as you are trying to say. Rather, I read it as saying that when a woman is financially dependent on a husband who is vastly older than her, she can be vulnerable after his death. The key words here are "when a woman is financially dependent." Wouldn't you agree that if a younger woman, who doesn't work outside the home, is married to a much older man and is entirely dependent on him financially, she is at risk of being vulnerable (financially -- not as a "weak woman") should he die unexpectedly? I don't agree at all with this illogical tale. First, we propose a young Filipina married to a "vastly older" Americano, who she has married because of the financial security he represents. She's set for life. But then we magically transform this set-for-life filipina into a pauper when he dies "unexpectedly". There! We have our dependent, vulnerable, child filipina. We need to throw in stupid too. Both her and her Americano are too stupid to have thought about him dying, despite how old he is. This shows more about the people telling the half-baked tale or swallowing it than it does about Filipinas. It shows the person has a predisposition to view Filipinas as dependent, at-risk, inferior beings. Vague insinuations will do, not even weaving a complete story, because the dependent, vulnerable child image doesn't need logic and facts. It's best not to have them in fact. When you try to put the details on this imaginary Filipina, you see how silly it is. It is only patronizing people from the first world that have this default view of filipinas - seeing them as dependent, helpless, non-productive, non-educable beings that cannot plan ahead. The people around her in her home country are going to view her just the opposite - as a superstar. A man who travels internationally is viewed as a swashbuckling, adventurous person. Someone with confidence and poise. Intelligence and experience. Two languages? Oh my. But a Filipina who does so for marriage is not viewed that way by many people in the first world country. No, she is dependent, at-risk, vulnerable, etc. or a scammer or a prostitute for security and a green card. Her family in the home country on the other hand is going to view her as the adventurous, confident, intelligent and experienced one. They will think her wise beyond her years and ask her counsel on important decisions. I am not proposing these prejudicial observations on my own. There's a good book on the "Rescue Industry" by a woman I largely agree with, and she talks about immigrant women exactly this way - exposes the racism, bigotry and hypocrisy involved in how we view them. People do not realize they are tipping their hand on their innate bigotry or racism when without thought they propose or buy into a pejorative stereotype like this. Cheers. Edited by rlogan, 02 July 2011 - 01:33 AM.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-02 01:32:00
Philippines	What are your 'friends' saying?	When I was growing up, the impression I got in my family was this: my Dad had his doctorate, two masters degrees...my Mom, who grew up on 'just a farm and had only a high school education' (in quotes because it is how my Dad would express it) was generally a stay-at-home Mom, although she worked a 'little' job, which my Dad always said actually cost him more in taxes than supplemented the income. In other words, my Mom was never considered good enough just wanting to be a Mom and do what she did best. I was always encouraged to learn all the things that traditionally a man would do - like try to figure what was going on with the car engine, and mowing the lawn, I always had the impression that I wasn't good enough until I got a 'profession' and basically learn how to live on my own with no one's help and told I needed to take care of myself. At the same time, my brothers got to do a lot of things that I never was allowed to do, and they no longer had to do chores at home, because they supposedly had more important responsibilities. So, I think that there were definately mixed messages taught to girls, at least during the X generation. A conflict between the 'old' and the 'new'. Therefore, during my twenties I had no clue, really, who I was or what I was 'supposed to do'. To me, women have a stronger tendency to nurture, but I felt like this was somehow demeaned. I think that is why I have sought a partner outside of my culture - because, I have to agree, this culture does not always seem to value people for who they are... Interesting. The part about your dad saying her income cost more in taxes than she earned is of course absurd. He was either being melodramatic or he might actually have been mentally abusive when taken alongside the business about your mom never being considered good enough: Invalidate her work effort by pretending it actually reduced their income instead of increasing it. There seem to have been double standards going on in your household too. And finally, yea - I could not agree more about the role of nurturing, and to demean that is wrong.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-01 04:23:00
Philippines	What are your 'friends' saying?	Here in America, people tend to view modern marriage as an equal partnership, where both spouses are pretty much on equal footing with regard to education, maturity, etc. Ha ha... who can't see this coming with such a patronizing opening. We'll be told to pity the mindless child filipina victim, incapable of independent thinking or action, slave of the first world master... When a woman is totally dependent on her husband financially, she's vulnerable should anything happen to him and if he's quite a bit older, chances are she'll be alive for a long time after he's passed away. I don't think you realize that it is you declaring the Filipina as helpless and unworthy; immature, frail and stupid; she's nothing without her husband, etc. I certainly don't feel that way. Isn't it ironic that you start off lecturing about how "modern" American marriage views things as an equal partnership, but then go on to imply that obviously Filipinas are stupid and immature, "vulnerable", etc: Filipinas not qualifying as equals. The notion of "equality" you introduced is a caste system, not a free society with equal rights. People have to be from the same education, income class, etc. to marry? Pffft. That's hardly American. The equality in America has to do with rights, not forced social classes defined by equal ages, equal incomes, equal educations, same race, etc. I often see this logical fallacy you employed here: I have a PhD whereas my wife has only a couple years of college. Therefore I have more power in the relationship. This is always presented in an abusive light of course. She is the victim of this power. So strong education in the husband is a negative. Maturity in the husband is a negative. She is not a beneficiary of my education and my maturity. The poor girl is victimized by it! I should be stupider and more immature! I should be a pauper and have her living on the edge of starvation. Then I would not be abusing her with the power of my greater income. No matter what argument you try to mount against consenting adults marrying, you are going to lose. Because all adults have equal rights to marry.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-07-01 03:16:00
Philippines	What are your 'friends' saying?	From friends - they were struck by her youth, beauty, and charm. Because they know me, their comments are along the lines of how wonderful she has been for my life. They were all thrilled for me because I was thrilled. Malicious people will of course try to invalidate your marriage and put you on the defensive with the types of comments mentioned in the OP. Maximum jealousy and envy. Those aren't your friends.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-06-30 16:51:00
Philippines	What cost for simple Filipino wedding in province ?	It matters to some people.. It does, and that is what's so tragic. Because when you think this over soberly, fifteen thousand dollars is a staggering amount of pizza or beer. I buy them frozen, three meat pizza for five bucks each, so that's three thousand pizzas. This is a solid decade running of pizza every day except Sunday. A century of pizzas once every two weeks. I don't drink alcohol, having not learned to drug myself with it in a socially beneficial way, but my money would have been spent on Old Milwaukee by the case, which is well under a dollar a beer. So we are talking over twenty thousand beers. This is a lifetime of beer for someone drinking a beer every day. Even a thousand dollars - or a hundred - or the next ten bucks: should you spend it on pizza and beer or waste it instead?	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-18 14:42:00
Philippines	What cost for simple Filipino wedding in province ?	The local people don't pay the Kano Tax.... And neither do the Kano that are hip to the tax. Four hundred dollars for an hour in the province is definitely a Kano Tax, even with flowers which are very inexpensive there. Totally up to you what you want to spend, and if a church is any more than a reasonably priced social function, what's the point. We did a baptismal that tied the whole church up for more than an hour and the sisters for the seminar they give on baptism the week before. Each of us paid over a hundred pesos, but she thinks it was not over two hundred pesos, and there were about half-a-dozen kids getting baptized. So figure a little over a thousand pesos total for a Catholic church in a province of Mindanao. I did feel obligated to tip the priest though. I told him to really try keeping his hands off the little boys because from what I read of this particular superstition they have a real problem with that. So it is probably wise you are not doing the reception with the priest too if there are going to be any children around.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-18 01:29:00
Philippines	ATTN: Philippines Portal members	I was using China Air for years and then Korean Air seemed to give better prices the last few years. Narita and Seoul layovers have both been OK and we have done some really long ones in order to snag better fares. Interesting to hear about Delta. They are never price competetive when I look so we don't fly them. Philippines Air never seems to beat anyone on price. Well, the price of the ticket is only $3. Then with taxes, fuel charges, the wheels for the plane, the engine, staff and so forth it is $1,450. I guess they think it is productive use of time to play games like that.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-21 20:49:00
Philippines	i miss the philippines	here's what really happened.. i married and loved a guy whom i thought he is.. 2 days after our marriage, he yelled at me called me ######.. shouting nasty rude stuff about filipina..he acted so weired..threw his stuff around and accidentally hit my feet with a thing.. i'm so scared.. i'm leaving in a room far from the city.. no public transportation..he doesn't even buy me foods.. i'm so lost right now... i wanna go home. This is not a man. This is a monster. Leave him. I feel very badly for you. I noted that you said he "accidentally" hit your feet with something while in a violent frenzy of verbal and physical abuse. The law would call that assault, not an accident. I hope you are not "accidentally" killed.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-24 19:17:00
Philippines	i miss the philippines	Of course you miss home! Yes, the internet has Filipino TV shows she watched and also did yahoo video chat. I found that a lot of nooky kept her in kind of a woozy delerium and she did not seem to miss home at all. So perhaps that is worth a try. Food was not ever an issue to us. You can make anything you want. Maybe it will help too if you can plan when you might be able to visit back home again realistically. I thought it would take two years or possibly three, and we came back the first and will go the second now too. But we talked through realistically what the budget would have to be for travel and all, so that she did not have unrealistic expectations about returning and I could have time to get that kind of money together. And I agree too with what Gretchen said about communication being number one. Tell your husband exactly how you feel. His job is to validate that, show empathy for it and work with you together to mitigate it. He deserves the chance to make it better for you. Don't assume he knows something without you telling him. Mine got pregnant right away, and she did go off the reservation with the hormone changes. But we put two and two together pretty quick on why she was feeling crazy.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-17 23:12:00
Philippines	What kind of Car for the under 5' Filipina?	Mine is five foot even, and she drives a toyota truck and a subaru around just fine. She does not like the manual subaru and bought an automatic for herself, but the gas mileage isn't as good. That is a reason to drive a stick shift. WAY less costly to fix a stick shift too. She actually is driving this 'dozer, and does bobcats, four wheelers, and snow machines too. The dump truck is a little tricky with 15 gears but she could probably do that too - Filipinas are just as skilled as anyone behind the wheel. They just look a lot better doing it.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-17 22:43:00
Philippines	Clothes Advice for My Filipina Wife	Looks like a modified cheomsam, instead of anything japanese. Just saying. I scored three out of a hundred on the clothing exam. So your word here is way better than mine!	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-29 00:01:00
Philippines	Clothes Advice for My Filipina Wife	Are hooker boot's and Russian caps stylish where you are? Not here in Los Angeles When my Pinay saw this, she couldn't stop laughing.... Well yes, a wife as ugly and out of shape as yours would look hilarious in such an outfit. Models like that make quite a bit of money and she does not have to stoop to marrying Americano rejects like you as a last resort. She can have a real man for a husband. Someone she actually respects. Of course I don't mean that, but do you see how easy it is to ridicule people? There's no brains or skill involved. It's just a decision we make: I am going to put these people down. Maybe they eat rice, and I eat potatos, so obviously these are really stupid people. I'm kind of curious too - when your kids see their first colored person and say "look how funny that man looks", are you going to encourage him to make fun of black people like their father here, or do you think maybe we should be a little more understanding? Take care, no animosity here and I certainly don't mean what I said above. I'm just showing how mindless it is to say "oh you look really stupid hyuk, hyuk, hyuk" and we can all do that to you just as easily.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-22 12:30:00
Philippines	Clothes Advice for My Filipina Wife	Where can I find her something like this? We got stuff like that. Here is a little Japanese number: Already two months pregnant there. I was using her in the business on this trip as my sexytary. A receptionist at a meeting. Went out to dinner in this outfit. We picked some things up at this store in Anchorage that catered to club dancers and I guess people like us. We got a schoolgirl outfit and some other things there too. There has to be something like that where you live. We are having difficulty with the boots. There are a bunch of online stores selling them, and shops in the cities, but finding ones that are SMALL enough is the problem. We need them to be thigh-high, not the pointy heel type. The kind with bigger heels. Black, but not those super shiny vynl ones. Life is so hard for the lecher. It's creepy when you have these fifty-somethings dressing their trophy up like she's nothing more than a call girl. It needs to be stopped. Edited by rlogan, 21 August 2011 - 07:39 PM.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-08-21 19:37:00
Philippines	Is my relationship hopeless??????	I think the OP needs to have a 1 on 1 talk with Mr. Germany. Gah! You beat me to it. I'd be buying that German a tall draft of German Lager. Something's not adding up.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-10 20:01:00
Philippines	How muchis good enough pocket money in the Philippines for 1 week?	Wow. A thousand pesos a day per person goes a long way where we come from, which is humble pie city. Jeepneys, not taxis. Make your own food - great stuff too for way less than a restaurant. Guest house, not hotel. More in Manila, but you can still do OK there if you are careful. We've snagged really nice pension houses for 450 pesos a day in our area, but we actually do have a house there. In Manila if we are going to fly out from there we overnight at a place like the green mango for $9. In the province, ten thousand for two people in a week - geez, we can make it on that. A fat wad of 20,000 pesos for a week in Manila? No problem. If you are doing the two-week millionaire vacation thing then there's no limit to what you can spend. But a survival budget is way less than what people here seem to be spending. I took the OP to mean more of a survival budget.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-10 20:29:00
Philippines	Legal or not?	A marriage in the USA without witness . Just the lawyer, bride and groom who signed the papers.Is it legal?please Call the Clerk of Court in your area. They will be able to tell you who has to sign. You are also not being very clear. Did you have a ceremony already? Have you signed marriage application papers already and are just needing to submit the recording of the marriage? It would help if you gave better details, but regardless the clerk of court can answer.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-14 21:46:00
Philippines	Where to retire.	at first she thought it was just uncle-niece bonding. Looks like they bonded.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-16 13:12:00
Philippines	Where to retire.	Good stuff. One question for me is what to do is my spare time, which as a retiree, would be most of my waking hours. I would want to keep my hand in some sort of business, and my wife wants to keep me from all the young girls looking for a sugar daddy. I don't see much opportunity in the Philippines for the first, and the wife sees too much opportunity for the second. The wife would be reluctant to return to the rural life she knew as a child, and I am not much of a farmer. There are some export potentials. I looked into a number of things for different clients. One of the difficulties there is that Philippines is one step away from this stupid human trafficking designation that puts all these economic sanctions on them. The State Department has no data at all supporting their designations. They have these "nonprofit" rescue-industry parasites/predators that have perverse incentives to report millions of "human trafficking and child labor" victims in order to get huge grants and foundation money to pay themselves to do make up these fantastical statistics. These are corporations with hundreds of millions in budgets. I saw one study that put one-third of the entire population of 9-17 year olds in the Philippines in that category. If you went out on a fishing boat with your father to learn the trade, you were exploited child labor. The women going to Japan to be karaoke girls was the thing they were shrieking about the most. Different studies call that sex slavery and human trafficking. Oh, and they say prostitution is not sex trafficking unless you do it because it pays better than being a sales girl or working in the fields. Then you were "coerced" into it by the bigger money. It was call center economics I was looking into, and found Philippines was on a Watch List for human trafficking. One notch down on that State Department list, and there goes all your US business. A modest business for the family to run, that's the more likely thing. A scuba-related enterprise in Cebu to serve Americanos is a possibility. I have a client going there to do just that in November. Years ago a woman had me look into export of shells. I looked into construction of pension houses. The biggest potential I saw was in electric power production, but their power industry is so much bureaucracy, forget it. Corruption too. You can't put all your eggs at risk on a business there. Edited by rlogan, 14 September 2011 - 03:10 PM.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-14 15:08:00
Philippines	Where to retire.	I am thinking the same about the Philippines. Besides, my wife would go crazy with the competition. I have seen that happen with other Fil-Am couples moving back to the Philippines. There are a number of Cost of Living studies, and some focusing on retirement that you can look up or pay for. Runzheimer International is a big outfit doing that. I underbid them on the last study for the State of Alaska, and did cost of living estimates for over four hundred locations they send beneficiary checks to. Philippines came out on top. In the US, Arkansas was about the best. We can't find the right combination of things yet in the Philippines. The more remote you go to match our ideas about living, (being from Alaska and needing a lot of space), you can't seem to get it without bringing on risks with NPA, Abu-Sayyef, MILF, kidnap for ransom thugs, etc. I was very disappointed at the lack of sanitation, garbage disposal, and water treatment in the remote areas too. I like it clean. You can do the gated compound thing in and around Manila. The medical facilities are better there too, but cost more. But even there the cost of living is half the average of the USA cities I looked at. Still looking.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-14 00:28:00
Philippines	Arrival of Wife	Thank God. Speaking figuratively. I doubt he filled in any of the forms.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-15 17:53:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	Last time I was there (July), it was every 3rd night free. So I think it was somewhere in the $80 a night range for the suite. Wish I could have just stayed with the family, but I need a nice hot shower and cr lol. And AIRCON! It was fun also to have our family come there and stay. Our last night there, my wifes sisters and sister-inlaws came and spent the night. They slept in the 2 queen beds and chatted all night. I slept on the floor lol. We also had our nieces and nephews come swimming in the pool from time to time. I hear ya. The air conditioner was P7K. A six Kilowatt generator was P12K, about double what it takes to run the house, which is how you size them. We built a CR for her aunt/uncle and cousins on the last trip. Useful life is probably 50-100 years. That was the first thing we built in our house. I asked what they wanted first, and all the girls shouted "CR"!! We built the house around the CR. I guess when pressed we all say that we watch our money. We well ought to.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-19 17:42:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	I'll give you credit Darren for spending the night at the house. I tried that once and never again. hahaha (spoiled American). From your video, it looks like you stayed at the Almont Inland in Butuan. Love that place. Cant wait to get back. Good Luck to you and your wife! Take care and have a nice flight. Swank. Sixty bucks a night for the Superior room and $112 for the suite. Here's what we did not far away in Iligan City: Their family consisted of seven people in a 7 ft. by 11 ft shack. The wife and I slept next to them with a tarp over us under the stars. We immediately brought in extended family plus her, and me, to build a house. Sixty dollars is 15 bags of premium concrete cement. $112 is 28 bags. I know because I am looking at the receipts. The bulk of the pvc for their interior plumbing was 5397 pesos so that is a couple nights in the economy room and with the suite it was enough to buy the electrical wiring too including breakers, wire, switches and outlets totaling 5038 pesos. We had seven people at the peak of our construction operation, only two of those paid. The most I paid was for an electrical contractor, just over seven dollars a day. Day-labor was about $6. Good God the $112 room is almost enough money for TWENTY MEN for a whole day. Someone please turn me loose with twenty Filipino men! Throw in the unnecessary air travel, bringing the family to Manila, inflated Manila costs - this is beyond house building. I can build ports with this kind of cash flow. Edited by rlogan, 17 September 2011 - 10:08 PM.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-17 22:07:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	"bumbay" refers to the ethnic Indians who finance most of these loans. Well, yes - but the term literally translated is "onion" in Bisayan. So it does refer to them, as you say, but in the way they were purported to smell. That is my understanding of it on Mindanao at least.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-13 18:11:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	I doubt it's an actual 'bank'. 'BUMBAY' or people who are giving '5-6'. Of course. Street lending at street interest rates. At 6:5 (Borrow five, pay back six) that's 20% nominal. But if it is a one-month loan with a dollar every month, that's an annual percentage rate of about 240%. I'm not an expert or anything, but that seems slightly high. The term is used loosely and who knows what the actual lending agreement is. A local Sari-Sari store owner or whomever nearby has the cash to lend on Americano collateral. My understanding is the term Bumbay was because they tended to smell like onions. Nobody's perfect. Mine tried this on me. Secret borrowing. She pressed for the money. I said it wasn't my problem.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-11 16:54:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	(Gretchen's mom is a "loaner", Gretchen's mom took out a loan for a new "entertainment center" in the house. Just after I sent them money to assist getting blocks for building a new kitchen. I had encouraged Gretchen not to borrow any money for anything. Not knowing her mom was a "loaner". So I am going into the hornet's nest. Secretly borrowing money is a play called the "double bind" in manipulative literature. The best plan is to come to you on the evening before some horrible thing is about to happen because they have not paid it off. The youngest daughter is going to be eaten by the bank president. They will say they were "too shy" to ask for the money before, but now they have no choice. Oh golly, look how you happen to have money. It would be your fault if the daughter is eaten by the bank president. The double bind is the two bad choices: if you don't pay, the daughter is eaten and it is your fault. If you pay, you have been blackmailed. They call it emotional blackmail. It is important to the manipulator to never position the mark as being owed something in return for his money. A person wants to feel gratitude from helping someone, but this play is designed to rob him of any gratitude: it was his obligation. The whole point is to be on the receiving end of the money conveyor belt without ever being obligated for anything in return. The other thing about borrowing money secretly at the same time you are giving money for something else is the feeling you get of "it's never enough". Every emergency you pay for has another one right on its heels. This debt will come due, and it will be an "emergency" because they had no means to pay it back when they borrowed it. They have many other "emergencies" in the works too, and the only way they can be engineered as "emergencies" is to keep them all secret from you. What a person has to appreciate is how carefully this kind of evil plan is thought through before they pull it on you. They know when they borrow the money that you are the collateral. Secrecy is paramount. Because if they tell you they are borrowing money, your first question is how they are paying it back. They will have no answer because of course the plan is for you to pay it back. They know you will not agree to it. You will tell them to work. They want to sit around idle, while knowing the loan is coming due. They're going to blackmail it out of you. So why work? So keep thinking about every day going by with the perpetrators knowing they are going to ambush you with this blackmail about the loan coming due. They might put on an act with everyone showing worry, and make you drag it out of them: "What's the problem? Why is everyone so scared?" They pretend they didn't want to tell you. They were afraid. But it is all just a big act being played by everyone on the stupid Americano. I had no idea how important this emotional warfare was and how vicious it is until I read all this stuff. The manipulator needs to keep you in a constant state of stress and emotional turmoil. It keeps you weak and vulnerable. One of the first things clinicians look for is the drama. We're chalk full of it in this thread. Events that should be somewhat routine with getting visas approved has all this drama. Going to her village? All the sinister undertones about what might be discovered. We don't make good decisions when we are on that emotional roller-coaster. That's why they put you on it. You can make them yourself too if you are a drama queen, but you will still be making bad decisions. You want to make decisions from a position of strength, calm, and the confidence born out of good planning. Nor do they seem to save money. Well of course not. The principle is to spend every peso that comes in as fast as you can, and borrow even more. Because the faster you spend it, the sooner you can have your hand out for more. This is the same double-bind being played like a broken record. You absolutely must not have money set aside for sickness or funerals or emergency travel, etc. - you need to have zero. Because if you have zero then the Americano can be blackmailed for it. I have no idea how much the fmaily owes. Excellent. That way they can borrow more. When everyone is manipulating every one else, of course you don't know even the most basic information like how much they are going to ambush you with. They say everyone in the village has loans. Exactly so. Most of them owe at least three billion pesos, so equity demands they should owe the same, or maybe twice as much since you are here. But the week at home in the village is still young. they know I will be coming to the village one way or another. they cannot stop it. they also know a person with who there has been contention is like a sister to me since I am good friends with her mom and step-dad back home. My car is at their house. This will be an interesting week.) It's all about communication in healthy relationships. There aren't any mysteries, no hidden agendas, no doing things opposite of what we say, no warning bells going off or red flags, no feelings about something being wrong. No stress. No drama. The village and things at the house are exactly as related to you when you arrive. Oh well. I don't want to laugh at it because ultimately children are the result of marriage, and they wind up being on the receieving end of it.	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-11 14:19:00
Philippines	trying to be upbeat	whether it's good or bad - it's still attention, right? I think people see this as obvious, yes. The less obvious thing to be looking for is manipulation by the "victim" regarding money in particular. We are accustomed to the story of the Filipina who manipulates her Americano for money, and some of it may be pertinent in this situation, but insight into the reverse is important too. When you observe someone saying they are bringing them to Manila on the red carpet ride in order to show them how frugal you are, and putting all this thought into what their next "move" is given your last move - then you have crossed a couple of important lines. The first line is about open communication: you sit people down and explain what you are doing, and make agreements with them. If it is a budgeting 101 exercise, you sit down with a calendar and the regular bill schedule, along with the father's weekly masonry salary and work up a plan. If it is a trip then you chalk up the travel, lodging, and walk-around money. The easiest thing to do, and which shows a little more respect to them, is to just give a sum and say "that is for the trip to Manila" and give them the dignity of making their own decisions. If there is any ambiguity in your position - then you have to ask who is "testing" or manipulating whom? When the alleged lesson is planning and budgeting then why has that very thing not been made clear? It is impossible to teach it without showing them how to do it. So this is one of those "what's wrong with this picture" moments. Which is the second line crossed: doing the opposite of what you are saying. If your lesson is in scrupulous frugality and personal responsibility then you do not go to Manila in the first place. You do not bring the family to Manila. You do not take taxis and planes, you take ships (economy class), jeepneys and buses. Better still, the girl demonstrates the aptitude and maturity to do it herself. Of course, we like to play the white knight on the horse rescuing the poor helpless little waif, but we have to be honest about how much respect it shows for someone if we keep acting like she's a helpless baby. Laying out the red carpet when the picture is supposed to be frugality means they see you as someone who does the opposite of what they are saying. To us, this kind of money is not such a big deal. But to a poor Filipino you have to multiply by a hundred to appreciate the gravity of the lesson. When someone sees more money being pissed away in a week than they have seen their whole lives then that's what they remember about you, not that you are frugal. They see you are a money spigot and furthermore are unclear about how the spigot works because the words do not match the actions. Therefore the most rational thing to do is watch actions instead of listening to words. They hear "Don't ever ask me for money because blah blah blah..." and then they ask for money because every time they ask, you give a long-winded speech and give them the money anyway. I can't come down on Darren and say this as a mark against him as a person, my God nobody is better than anyone else. I hope we look inside ourselves instead - we who have more money - and think carefully about how we interface with our spouse's family over it. Money can do more harm than good when it is applied wrong. It isn't any wonder why some families are corrupted by lazy greed. If we teach them to burn money like cigars, isn't that a lesson a little too easily learned?	rlogan	Male	Philippines	2011-09-10 13:31:00