biggish data

Engagement or Wedding???

QUOTE (Bernie C @ Oct 22 2009, 04:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Doan and I had the full blown picture day (before sun up to after sun down). We also had a ceremony and reception. However this was all before we submitted our original K-1 petition. I clearly definde and stated in the original document submittal that we are engaged and plan to marry when she arrives to the US. We received no RFE's and nothing was questioned. This provides background and evidence that would conflict with an alternate determination at the consulate.

Again, in my time line and all our documents and proofs, we never use the words marriage, married, spouse etc...always refer to engamenment and engagement party even though it was the other. We will have to see what happens when we have Doan's interview (just sending DS-230 and DS-2001 now). We can only hope that all will be well. If it comes down to legality of the issue, there is no factual and objective evidence that supports a claim that we are married within the lawful jurisdiction of either country. If it causes us AP then so be it. We cannot recall the package we already submitted to the USICS as our original petition. Its in the books and approved. I have a number of valid and factual points to defend our position.

Now if these activities took place more recently there may be more burden to prove your status, but as we already submitted this up front for petition approval we have already estabished our case to be factual.

Anyway, I'll let everyone know when we get our interview scheduled and how we make out!

We are the exact same as you. We both wrote sworn statements that say we are legally able to marry, and we are going to do this within 90 days of her arrival. Yes we had the wedding ceremony, the full blown thing, this was for her family, we do not call each other husband and wife, this was all done BEFORE we filed for a K1 visa. We had a Vietnamese wedding without the paperwork. Many people have been fine doing this and I am sure that some have had problems because of this. Everyone that is going through this process is not made of money or lottery winners, some people can not get back to take their fiancé or fiancée home with them once they get the visa. Most people can not afford to take off more than 2 weeks a year. I knew all this before I filed for our K1 visa, and we discussed the possibility that I might not be able to come back this year, so we went all out for her family's sake. I did not want to rob them of the joy of seeing their loved one having a wedding. Most people I have talked with that have had strictly a engagement party all say their family still consider them to be married, and this is without any type of ceremony. To answer Linda's question, yes she had the white dress after. I am sure you already knew this by viewing our photos in our profile. If it comes back to haunt us, so be it. I did what I felt was right for Binh AND her family, and I am more than prepared to deal with that later. I will also post as soon as we hear something, either negative or positive. From the day that our journey started, I have never second guessed any of my decisions and I will not start to do it now. What is done is done, would I have done things differently? NO and I can say that truthfully. I worry about the future and not the past. If I worry to much about something then I will miss the important things that are happening in the now moment. I think it is so sad that people would rob their loved ones family of such a moment, and that people are worried about getting a fiancée home in time for a tax break, joking or not, this is just wrong. I worry about getting Binh home for different reasons, I want her with me because I love her and I get tired of having a chat on a web cam, I want to be able to hug her and instead of cooking on the stove with my laptop behind me I want her behind me to sample as I cook. I know that if a person gets denied for photo evidence (not many different photos in different clothes) then they must have had a weak case, if a person gets denied solely because they had a wedding ceremony and are filing for a K1 then I think they did something else wrong, they did not have a police statement saying that they were able to marry, or did not address the letter clearly that they understood and knew they were going to get married within 90 days of her arrival to the united states, or the fiancée truly thought she was his wife already and told the CO that. If she is smart and if he is smart, they should be able to have a Dam Hoi without any problems. I am sure that the CO is looking for fraud, and he might try to nit pick something in a photo, but if your case is presented correctly then theory should be no problem at all. Point blank, this is not a perfect world, if it were then we would all go to visit our loved ones each weekend and then come home in time for work next week. We are not all made of money, and just making enough to meet the poverty level does not mean people can come back and forth 2 or 3 times during this process. When people say that they should go back for the interview, then go back for a Dam Hoi after they get a visa to take them home, I think is just unrealistic for most of us. Some people are lucky, I never thought I would EVER be able to come back for 3 trips in the same year. I got lucky due to my work situation, most people are not this lucky. Jerome

Edited by jeromebinh, 22 October 2009 - 09:02 PM.

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-22 20:58:00

Engagement or Wedding???

QUOTE (JimVaPhuong @ Oct 22 2009, 02:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Explain to her that everyone who walks into the visa unit at the US consulate is presumed to be a fraud, and they are obligated to try to find a reason to deny the visa. If the CO has any suspicion at all that a K1 applicant is already married, then the visa is going to be denied. Arguing that the marriage is not legally binding is pointless - you don't want to try to play semantic games with this consulate. You'll lose every time.

If it's really that important for her to get married in Vietnam, then go the whole 9 yards and have a legal wedding, and file for a CR1. Otherwise, if you file for a K1 then have a Dam Hoi, and don't do anything that even remotely smells like a wedding. All it would take is one photograph of a wedding ceremony, or one phone call to a relative that says they attended your wedding ceremony, and the CO has everything they need to kick the petition back to USCIS for revocation.

You're absolutely right in wanting to do this "by the book". That is the only way she'll get a visa from consulate in HCM.

Jim, I disagree, if there is no paperwork then it is not a real wedding. She has to have paperwork that says that she is able to be married from authorities in VN, so this shows that she is NOT married. Also all she has to do if asked is tell them I have so many family members that would not be able to come to America for a wedding, besides most people that have a Dam Hoi have the "wedding" ceremony for the family. If we get denied for our visa and this is the reason I will be the first to post that was why. Binh took all of our photos and in these photos there were photos of our "wedding ceremony." Binh also said that the CO looked at every photo very carefully, the photos were the only real things that the CO looked at carefully during the interview. Carrick I truly feel you will be fine to let her have her way, within a month hopefully within the next week we should have our answer and I will post the reason or the approval asap. Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-22 02:48:00

Engagement or Wedding???

Let her have her way, it will not affect the K1 visa, also it will be nice for her family as most of them will not be able to actually attend the real wedding. Do not worry about the visa it will be fine, and if you have the wedding ceremony at the same time some people bring money for gifts. Our gifts almost paid for our party, and we did not have a small one. It was a 6 course meal for 100 people at the Van Thanh Tourist Center, it was very professional and nice. Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-22 02:35:00

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-25 04:19:00

QUOTE (WeatherEmperor @ Oct 21 2009, 10:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You bring up a great point about if the CO will accept a time line that is notarized before the interview date. I mean, is it really possible to have enough time during the day to get the time line notarized just hours before the interview? Perhaps those who got a pink slip and also submitted time lines can chime in on this.

<CARRICK>

QUOTE (JimVaPhuong @ Oct 21 2009, 08:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (jjordan @ Oct 21 2009, 04:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks
So it is not listed on any packet from consulate but may cause a blue slip so have one incase.

No, it's not listed in any packet. They can't give you a blue slip for not submitting a time line, because a time line is not a required document, so a time line (or lack thereof) can't really "cause" a blue slip. If they give you a blue slip it will be for some other reason, like perhaps they suspect your relationship is a sham for the purpose of immigration. If you get a blue slip then there's a good chance that a time line will be among the things the blue slip asks you to submit.

Including a time line with the petition may help avoid a blue slip at the interview - or not. Submitting a time line with the required documents at the interview may help avoid a blue slip - or not. Nobody really knows for sure, because VJ members are still testing the waters with these techniques. I suspect (and this is just my own theory) that a time line may be requested in some cases simply because the consulate needs more time to investigate the case, and the time line is just a convenient excuse for delaying the decision. Whatever the reason, preparing a time line in advance certainly won't hurt anything. If you end up not needing it then it will be one more of the many things you do to prepare for this that ends up not being required.

This brings up an interesting point that I've wondered about, and maybe others will want to comment on. If you get a blue slip requesting a time line, will they accept a time line that was notarized BEFORE the interview date?

Edited by jeromebinh, 21 October 2009 - 10:38 PM.

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-21 22:37:00

QUOTE (WeatherEmperor @ Oct 21 2009, 10:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You can get it notorized the same day of the interview if you are in HCMC on the interview date, this is done from 9 am to 11 am at the us consulate in HCMC, but if you are not there you will have to have a notorized timeline that the last entry should read something like this

October 21 2009 I am on my way to get this timeline notorized so that I can send this to my fiancee xxxxxx for her interview on November 5th 2009

This is the best that I think you could do on a timeline that you send prior to the interview as they want one that you would do and not yoru fiancee. That is what I did on the one that I sent to Binh prior to her interview which they never looked at. I just wish that we would have kept the old one and submitted it as well just to show them that we had it at the interview.

Jim, I also think that there has been at least one person that was given a blue only requesting a time line. I am not sure about this, but I think Scott would know better than me. I also think they can give a blue for any reason , even if that reason is not in the manditory documents, we got one for proof of where my ex wife lives, where Binh's family lives, and timeline, all of these things are NOT in ANY packet requiring them or we would have had them at the interview date. So I think that you might be mistaken on them not being able to simply give a blue for a time line. But... If they are not supposed to give blue slips requesting evidence that was not required, then I think close to 99% of us that got a blue slip could have a legitimate complaint and possibly a class action lawsuit. This might be something worth looking into for all of us in AP. Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-21 22:25:00

It is not required on any paper. However most cases in HCMC get a blue slip if there is not one present, also they usually do not accept it during the interview, so if you do have a notarized time line, make sure it is from you not her, they want to see a time line from the sponsor not the beneficiary, make sure she tries multiple times to get them to look at it or take it. The time line should be detailed and in chronological order from the time you met to the time that you send it off for her. If you have supporting evidence of this, have it highlighted with a note if possible on the entry that says you have supporting evidence. Good luck Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-20 23:28:00

Sydney Consulate: packet 3 documents ready, how long before interview

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-25 04:20:00

I-130 package & Evidences of Bona fide Marriage

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-10-25 04:21:00

Here is my timeline that i sumbit and get second blue slip

QUOTE (johncali9 @ Aug 23 2009, 01:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Lý Trinh @ Aug 22 2009, 08:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Haole @ Aug 22 2009, 11:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's obvious you got the call duration from your phone bill so if I were you I'd knock out the "about" so many minutes. Just say for 13 minutes or whatever length the call was.

they kept my phone bill and they will see it in the phone bill.

Hey brother Trinh ly
anyway you must go see Co ,you have to ,i will go there 2 week we was true love why you care to see CO you have proud to see them ,if you are scare to see CO that mean you are not real to love your why,by the way you must discus with your wife what thay ask for and made same your wife respond please DO NOT SAY OR DISCUS YOUR CASE ANY MORE not work make you scare
now you must listen to me ,the more you say or you talk more headed
no body perpert do do your self ,wating for me i will come SAIgon first this month
YOU MUST HELP YOUR SELF DO NOT SCARE TO SEE CO "WHY" YOU ARE REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YOU ARE TRUE LOVE ,WHY YOU SCARE NOT MAKE SCENT BROTHER LISTEN TO ME
LOVE YOU BROTHER
JOHN

Listen, if I was there I would have went to see if I could talk to the co. There is no doubt in my mind that I would have went to try and talk if I knew I was going to get a second blue. Binh said that her friends cousin, yeah I know a friends friend said... that they asked him questions about his fiancee and if you were to answer them wrong it could cause a denial. If you do decide to go there I would say be calm and know things about your fiancee. I would not question their second blue slip, and the first and about the only thing I wowaitinguld ask them is this.

I just wantefiancéefiancéed to see you to make sure that if there was anything I could say or show you that would help make our case I am willing to do.

I would not be rude because he probably will not see you, or if he does he might just say he needs more time to review it. then just be polite. I think that if you try to see him they will not allow it, but.... that they will know you were there to see him. I feel that if a person is quiet and just simply accepts the outcome that this shows they are not very interested, but if a person tries to talk and shows them that they can get vocal for things that do not go their way they might take a second look at your case and maybe a more favorable decision. I know if they say no that there is nothing we can really do to them personally, but if they say "NO" time and again and people keep arguing with their senators and with the us consulate and they do have proof of a strong relationship as the other people feel it might make the Co's job come under review. It is like any job if no one complains and no one stands up for what they say or feel is right the people over him think he is doing his job remarkably well. If a few people complain then that is just to be accepted, there were un happy customers, but if hundreds of people complain then they think their worker is not doing such a good job. This goes back to my topic of us all standing together. Good luck man. we truly wish you the best Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-23 08:05:00

Here is my timeline that i sumbit and get second blue slip

QUOTE (FinnLove @ Aug 23 2009, 12:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would cut out remarks such as "I called her just to let her know that I was home after one week I was far away for forklift drill. I told her I would call her the next day." and "I called her back but she said she was still very busy so we could not talk much. She said she would call me when she finished her job."

It would make one think, geez, why didn't he have a cell phone to call her that week on his off-hours if they loved each other so much? And yes, she may have been busy and couldn't talk much (second remark), but that doesn't reflect positively. Just say you called her...just my two cents. I would assume you got a blue slip because you proposed to her before meeting her...

I agree with the above poster-take personal information out about other people here.

I do not agree with you. I think him putting thing like that in are good things. If a man really cares for a woma he would do such things or as he said because he told her he would call. To much information is never a bad thing. It gives the Co a chance to ask more questions to the fiancee and see if she agrees with his timeline. I like his timeline and I think what he put in was good. A Co might not want to read the entire thing, but it is there if he wants to. They rarely look at half of the evidince a person brings let alone a quarter of it. That does not mean we should send our fiancee in with 2 photos 2 letters and so on. Think about it give them the most possible information then that allows THEM to decide what to look at and what not to look at. Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-23 07:55:00

can my fiancee open her own bank account in the US

My cousin married a woman from Peru and told me about this site. If I remember he said they had to file some paperwork to get her a SS card, and that also helps with her to get her citizenship. If I remember correctly he said that was one fo the first things they did after they got married, and the second was to add her to his bank account. I am sure that this would be the place to look up adjustments of status.
How is it going with her over here? Have you taken her to a Walmart or a large shopping mall yet? Glad to hear she is here with you. Good luck!

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-25 17:50:00

Our Interview date is coming near! Please pray for us.

How is the trip so far? I know it is going great, but I still have to ask the question. We are praying for your visa. Hope this time you get it!
Jerome and Binh

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-29 07:59:00

Our Interview date is coming near! Please pray for us.

We really hope you get pink. Good luck and even if the best possible outcome does not happen, just have a great time together

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-22 10:43:00

Our Interview date is coming near! Please pray for us.

Good luck! Hope it all works out for you. We should find out ours on Thursday. I just hope neither of us get a second blue!

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-17 16:00:00

Validity of Answers?

QUOTE (shy1akaanh @ Aug 27 2009, 11:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

so is it all right for my spouse to answer that i like to eat pho even though i don't as long as she is consistent in the fact that i like pho? just wondering how the CO exactly judges those kind of questions. thanks

I would never recommend her to lie about any question honesty is the best policy. If she lies and forgets what her answer was the first time she answered the same question it will look bad. If she can answer every question that might not be so good as well. They might ask a question they expect her not to be able to answer but if she does..... I am sure you are getting my point. Tell her to answer everything truthfully and if she does not know a answer to tell them that. If she is not sure about the question make sure she does not answer have her ask them to repeat the question until she is sure what they mean. This is what I had my fiancée do. We might have got blue but I would not have it any other way. Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-29 07:50:00

So far so good!

That is great news! Good luck and god bless!

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-27 16:33:00

K1 Visa Chronogical Timeline (vietnam) Please help

QUOTE (NgocThuan @ Sep 6 2009, 05:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I replied to your PM today. I would have replied sooner but just got back to the states a few days ago, so Thuan and I have been unpacking, resting, and adjusting. It looks like you worked very hard on your timeline. I would fix the typos on entry dates: Jan 30th 2006 (remove the comma and th), Jan 10 2009 and Jan 14 2009 (should be 2008 for both). Some of the other dates need to be corrected because of lack of spacing or need to be abbreviated, so there's consistency. Minor things but looks better. It's good that you made plenty of trips to VN; just make sure you write entries for what you did on all trips; for example, trip 3 should be more than a summary. Perhaps you are afraid that your timeline will be too long, but get the information in there first, then you can refine it. Also, some of the entries need a little more detail; mabye a sentence or two more of what you did together. The entry for Jan 30 to Feb 3 2009 I would maybe leave out; saying that you researched the fastest method to get your fiance to the states might arouse suspicion. The entry on meeting the parents is really good; it shows that both families are involved and emphasizes VN custom. One more thing, try to make your timeline flow from one event to the next; don't leave gaps in your timeline. Other questions, I will answer by PM.

I agree it does look good. I would recommend doing spell check and fixing all the errors. I would also try to add more fine detail to some of the entries. I would not add lots of details to all, just to a few of the more important moments. This way it might focus the Co on those dates more so that you and your Fiancee can go over them and he can answer the co easily. But it really does look great. Lots of trips is always a plus.
Good luck!! Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-08 14:46:00

how old

It is 18, but I think that if you are filing for a country that is worried about fraud if you are only 18 to 20 good luck. Most people that young are thought of as being a little bit immature or not as ready for such a long and hard commitment. I think this thinking is bull, but if you look at the divorce rate in America with people under 21 there might be some fact to it. Good luck though
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-08 14:28:00

Frontloading info for I-130 for Vietnam

Listen to Scott. I did not front load near enough. I sent many more photos than they needed and many more documents about my salary than was needed, but the other things I did not feel were necessary. I would send chat logs, phone bills, and make sure if you chat more than talk on the phone you paste that everywhere. When Binh went to the interview they did not even look at the chat log let alone any of the chats or our emails. Binh was doing a print screen that showed our call duration and with me in web cam and her on web cam. None of this was looked at. SO in my time line that they requested I made sure I stated this all over that we used Yahoo with voice and web cam. Leave no stone unturned. Make sure they have to focus on your strongest evidence and also make sure you can support any reasoning behind weak evidence. Good luck
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-13 17:07:00

QUOTE (JimVaPhuong @ Sep 14 2009, 11:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (calilove @ Sep 14 2009, 07:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The reasons why i didn't let her go visit them because they have no manners, and for the fact that they'll be a bad influence for her. I am sure none of you would allow your fiancee to be any near those kind of people. If her relatives were the opposite, sure i would be more than happy to take her. Jerome, from your perspective view, i understand exactly what you're saying bro, but it depends on the situation.

Cali, with all due respect, she's your fiancee - not your child. Like the rest of us, she didn't get to choose her relatives - she's stuck with the relatives she's got. There are also a couple of "black sheep" in my family that I want nothing to do with, so I cut off contact with them, but that was MY choice. If my fiance/spouse told me I couldn't have contact with any of my relatives because she thought they would be a bad influence on me then I would definitely "assert my independence", to put it mildy! On the other hand, if she told me that SHE didn't want any contact with them, that would be fine - that's HER choice!

Talk to her. Tell her how you feel about them. Help her find friends who you think will be a good influence on her. But you CAN'T tell her she can't have contact with her own relatives. She's an adult, and you don't have that sort of authority over her.

I'm sorry if this offends you, but that's how I feel.

I totally agree Jim. I just try to not be so harsh on people. It seems when I am harsh I get back lash, but I feel that now people see what I saw from the beginning. Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-15 09:51:00

QUOTE (johncali9 @ Sep 14 2009, 01:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (calilove @ Sep 13 2009, 04:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (vietazn @ Sep 13 2009, 05:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It doesn't matter if he still loves her, she doesn't love him. That's why she left. No good wife would just leave so far away without saying anything. And always be wary of the Vietnamese people who always listens to family, even after being engaged or married. So forget about it, if she doesn't leave him now she will leave him later. So try to keep the child instead. Second, this is not such a shocking story. Nail people do this all the time. Leave their spouses and/or kids to just hook up with another nail person. Not sure why nail people tend to do this more, but probably because they can be very mobile, have the financial capacity to move quickly anywhere, and unless they absolutely have to do nails, they tend to love money over health. Nail people are part of their own culture, so be wary of anyone who wants to do nails or does nails. Red flags? Mentioning wanting to do nails over 2 hours away. Nail people work without licenses all the time or can buy licenses. From your side, all that matters to immigration officials is whether you can prove you did not know what was going on, and are not a party to the fraud.

thank you everyone for the inputs, surprisingly she came home today. She went to visit her relatives for a few days, because before i didn't let her go, so she left without my permission, the good thing is shes back, thank god and thank you all, i can take a deep breathe now

hey my friend
ok you must to listen
1) if love you move far way her family
2) you know some day she will get green card she will say good bye to you
3) do not let she close with relative
DO NOT LET HER A CHANCE,TRUTH ME
good luck men you know get K1 how was hard you know
John

John, I do not know if this is you or your fiancée writing this, but you should think about what you say. If it is you John, I have to say sorry, but I feel very bad for your fiancée. I would NEVER EVER keep my fiancée from seeing anyone of her family. In fact if she was unhappy because she was away from her family I would have her pick any of her family members that she wanted to live close to and we would move there. POINT BLANK I LOVE HER and I am not shopping for a slave or a home body. When I found Binh I was looking for a life PARTNER and a EQUAL PARTNER at that. I do not care man or woman you can not keep anyone from their family.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-14 16:40:00

QUOTE (Welshcookie @ Sep 14 2009, 02:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (calilove @ Sep 13 2009, 06:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

She went to visit her relatives for a few days, because before i didn't let her go, so she left without my permission, the good thing is shes back, thank god and thank you all, i can take a deep breathe now

You didn't give her "permission" to visit her family?.....wow....good for her, I'd have done the same, you're lucky she came home.

I know I did not like his wording on that either. I got alot of slack because people thought I was hard on him. I just try to read the posts and see through the lines and know there is always 2 sides to each story. Either way I am sure that if he mis worded what he meant or if he said what he wrote I am sure he knows now the error of his ways and that he knows very few people get a second chance at love.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-14 16:36:00

I agree, I would put up your childs passport in a safe place, and I would make sure you go out of your way to be nice with her relatives and go and visit them all the time you can. I am glad she came back, just dont squander this second chance. Good luck we both with you the best
Jerome and Binh

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-13 19:54:00

QUOTE (Dai_Tx @ Sep 13 2009, 01:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (jeromebinh @ Sep 13 2009, 09:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Dai_Tx @ Sep 13 2009, 09:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

man you are really pouring salt on his wounds.

Not trying to pour salt on anyones wounds. I do wish him the best, but sometimes you can not just pat a person on the back and give them support you need to shock the sense into him so that he can not be blinded by what he See's as a reality. I do feel that she left due to her family, but the first step in fixing the problem is seeing the entire problem and not just one side of the problem. We can all play the blame game all day long and still get no where. But the problem is in his minds that it is her family. I feel this is true, but with that being said he should bend to her side because she trusted her family enough to leave so he should see that point, and address it quickly and the only way to address something like that is to acknowledge the possibility of it. I truly feel he needs to go see her and his child, if not to bring them home to him to just let her see in person that he does still love her. This way he might be able to break their hold over her. I went through the same sort of thing not exactly the same, but very similar, and the fist thing I needed to do was to see past what I thought was going on. My ex wifes parents and family all but her brother hated me. When she went off to school I was working as a custom cutter. Each week they would go and visit her and keep trying to get her to do things in the evenings and on Sundays as they knew I was not working at that time. She left me, but all it took was me to go back and look her in the eyes for her to realize the mistake she had made. I did the same thing I cried and waited for her calls and blamed her family. But in the end I had to "prove" that the family was lying about me, and with them closer the only way was to go and see her in person. So if he wants her back sitting and waiting in my experience will not get her back, calling and arguing with her over the phone or bad mouthing her relatives and telling her that they are poisoning her will not work as they are there to "disprove" what he is telling her. Point blank he has to assume and realize their relationship was not perfect that there was something missing in it when they got to America, at first I am sure all was good, and I am sure he did what he should have done. I am not saying he did not. But there had to be something missing, and before he can win her back he MUST address this problem or she will come home and it will be the same. Point blank end of discussion. I know you were all worried about him as I am. This is no way to be. Some times there is something called tuff love, and I think this is what he needed. Jerome

I am just trying to imagine how he feels. If this was me and I was reading your post it would make me very depressed. He clearly states that he's down and desparate and you are essentially telling him that what he states about his relationship with his "fiancee" is all wrong and that you don't believe him. I'm sorry but that would just make me feel like ####### if I was in his shoes. I truely feel bad for calilove and I hope he steps back and thinks about things rationally and hopefully things will work out for him.

It is not that I do not believe him. I do. I am sure that what he said is true. I am just trying to have him step back and look at it rationally as well. I am sure with the child they will get it worked out at least I hope for both of them they do. It is always bad when things like this happen to people that try so hard to only do right. I think this entire situation just sucks for everyone especially for Calilove. I do wish you the best bro, I just really want you to step back. I know that what you say is true, just remember there are both sides to every story. Go see her man, and I am sure when she looks into your eyes she will see the mistakes she has made. I would just try to work with her, let her go there for visits and things, just make sure she knows you have obligations to fill and the most important is the wedding in 90 days. Love is worth fighting for, and I know I would fight for my love. Just dont let her family keep pounding information into her head. You need to contact her in person. I just feel that on the phone you will be at a extreme disadvantage with her family talking in her ear. Just step back and make sure what you really want to do. Do it for youself first then no matter what happens you will know what you choose to do was right in your heart and mind. Good luck bro,

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-13 16:51:00

QUOTE (Dai_Tx @ Sep 13 2009, 09:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

man you are really pouring salt on his wounds.

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-13 09:37:00

I am not trying to argue with you at all. You see your side of the entire story. I agree there is the possibility that her family has been filling her head with things, but for you to sit there and say that is the entire thing is wrong. Some where some time you have given her some reason for doubt. Do not sit there and try to kid yourself or at least try to kid all of us. As I said before and as I will say again she is new to this country and in your own words only knows you and her family. So there is a very big reason for doubt in your own statement. You said with you working late all the time you did not do this or that. She was lonely. You have probably over reacted to her on the phone with her or her relatives. I agree with your over reaction I would have done the same, but I would be willing to admit that I might have done that. You can put up all the walls and bill boards that say what you want them to say and to block what you don't want to see. If you love her don't sit at home waiting, go to where she is. If you are 100% positive it is all her relatives fault for her doing this then talking on the phone will not do you jack. They will be standing over her shoulder filling her head with other things and you will get pissed off on the phone if it does not go the way you want it to. If you go there in person you can see your child and see her family, then maybe they can see how good of a person you are and realize their mistake. Maybe she told them you have no time for her all you do is work work work. who knows what is going through her mind, but I do not see her just up and leaving after being with you in America for a bit over a month. I just don't buy that she was happy all the time. I am not saying you were not good to her do not twist my words BRO but you really need to wake up and smell the roses. If you sit and wait for a phone call it will never change if you go there and see her regardless if it changes or not you will be able to see your child and her. Right now all she has is people that you say are filling her head with ####### she needs you, the person she fell in love with, not the person on the other end of the phone that not only works late but that does not try to come and win her back or come to see their child. Get mad at my post I really do not care. I am just trying to open your mind and let you know that not everyone here is only reading the one side of the picture.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-13 07:30:00

After thinking about this something does not seem right. You say she was happy and well treated. I am not doubting that at all. As Jim said if she was using you for a free ride here she would have waited until after the wedding to leave. But with her leaving over a month after being here, this seems like it was unplanned. So this tells me that she was very unhappy or lonely and you might have not noticed it. Maybe she was leaving just for a visit and as you said you called the cops already and everything. It sounds in your writing that you are mad, and maybe she sensed that and she is afraid to come home. Like I said, it just does not seem right. I think that the first thing you need to do is try to see her in person, but I think you might have already over reacted and ruined your chances with her. I know that in the heat of the moment we say things that we do not remember. Either way with you wanting to "kick her back to Vietnam" and already calling the cops for kidnapping your chances of having a relationship with her now are probably slim. The person that this will affect most is your child. I know you care about your child I can see that also in your writing, but for your child's sake, I would try to mend all the fences with your fiancée or ex fiancée so that you can both be parents and do right by the child. I know this seems like I am calling you out, and maybe I am, but my intentions are to maybe enlighten you to the broader picture at hand. Just think of it from outside the box, there are things not right in your story that you should look into, maybe it is not to late to salvage a relationship, I hope not for your child's sake.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-12 21:53:00

Sorry to hear bout your luck.
It still sounds like you do love her. I am not trying to defend her in any way. But if you do love her maybe you were not listening to her and seeing how bad of a shape she was in. If you want my advice, I would consider going to her relatives, do not make a scene as this will further put yourself from her. Just talk with her if you can find her, maybe even consider moving to be there with her and her relatives. This is just a suggestion, but from their point if she did not know anyone but her family and you then she was probably very lonely. I do not know about the text messages you received and I would have done the same thing you did and would have ignored them. I know that I love my fiancée and she loves me and if she were to get over here and do what your fiancée did, I would follow Binh. Try to work it out and come to some sort of solution. I would be worried about fileing kidnapping charges until you saw her face to face, and then if you see her face to face you can get custody. But first I would go to where you think she is. That or call the nail shop from a friends phone put it on speaker and see if you can hear her voice there. If so then go there. But as you said that is all she knows so you do know she should be there. With everything you have gone through so far, it would not hurt to maybe see her and possibly move to be near to her family. If you an not move there then you should go visit them every chance you get so that she is not feeling alone in America. I know there is fraud and it happens, but you know your relationship and only you. Think about what you want, and what is best for your child. If you get sole custody and they yank her from America then your son will probably never get to see her or her family. If you try to get her removed from the USA then it makes you look like the villain. You are in a lose lose situation. I would either cut all ties, or try to get what you really want, and for the last year plus you have wanted your fiancée. she might just need to see you and know that you are not mad, maybe she left only for a while and then got scared about what you would say or do. Maybe her family filled her head with lots of ####### maybe not. All I know is that if you over react now you have shown her your bad side and right now you are both not married and as you said she does have your child.
Good luck on what ever you choose, but remember she is alone and scared over here. Don't jump to the worst case scenario all at once, but not being able to talk to her is not helping your cause, you should at least go there and see her, but when/if you do remain calm do not threaten her in any way and this means taking her/your child or her having to go back to Vietnam because she did not marry you. Good luck
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-12 21:15:00

Quick question about change of address

As long as you get it done it will be okay. Just do it quickly you would not want them looking for you at a previous address and them to find out you had moved by a new tenant. Depending on their day and mood it might not be that good.

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-18 07:44:00

marriage in vn

Good luck on your wedding. Hope you get it all figured out and that you have a great day!

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-18 07:45:00

Second Blue Slip @ HCM

See if you can talk to the Co, but if you are able to see him DO NOT question his decision, simply tell him that you know they say to wait, but you wanted to make sure that if there WAS something you could DO or SAY to help get the visa you were there to do it. If you start to question his reason it could make him mad, but if you are there just checking to see IF you can do ANYTHING that you are more than willing to do it. Also be prepared to answer questions about your wife and her family. It is touchy if you do not know many things about her because they could ask you the same type of questions they asked her. If you answer them incorrectly it could hurt you. But either way even if you do not get to see the Co they know you are concerned about the case, and if you do see him and he might be able to look into your eyes and realize that your love is real and that you are truly worried about a denial. These are just suggestions, you have to make the ultimate choice. I am going to call my senator this week and see if he can find anything out, and I plan on emailing them 1 week after I get a response from the first email, each time just saying different things about our relationship. I want them to keep my case on their mind, and I want them to know that I will complain if I feel I was treated unjustly. One complaint is nothing, but if hundreds complain then maybe the Co's boss will start to see a pattern and review the Co. We might not gain anything from our complaints, but maybe future people will. Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-08-23 08:13:00

QUOTE (ScottThuy @ Sep 18 2009, 02:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

With all of the ####### that they pull at the HCMC POE I just dont have the stones to risk it with that system. I need a visa in hand before I leave to be comfortable on arrival.. I have my 6 month visa and that allows me reentry if I buy another ticket down the road...

I know the feeling. The entire way there I was worried that I might forget something or that they forgot to tell me something. But it worked out great, and I think on spur of the moment trips it is my choice now for sure.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-18 15:37:00

QUOTE (lindal24 @ Sep 18 2009, 12:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I've heard of visa on arrival, but I'm Vietnamese. It's $25-30 bucks + side money...

To be on the safe side, I highly recommend getting one before going over there. Go to a Vietnamese travel agent and they can sometimes get one QUICK!

I did it last time I came it was no problems at all. The people I went through were Vietnamese people over in Vietnam. They put the names through and get the approval letter and then you print it off and take it with you through the airports and when you land you just pay the stamping fee. It usually only takes 3 days. And if you need it faster you can pay a little more to get it done over night.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-18 13:05:00

Yeah Visa on arrival. It only cost 20$ here in the us then when you land you pay $25 at the airport and they put the visa in your passport. Very easy and quick. I did that last time. It usually takes 3 days for them to get you the approval letter, you bring that letter with you through the airports and give it to them when you land. About 20 minutes later you are out front of the airport waiting for a taxi. You do not have to send your passport or anything to anyone. Here is a link to the site. http://www.myvietnam...-visa-cost.html
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-18 13:03:00

That is what I was hoping to hear

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-18 08:14:00

I am thinking about going back to Vietnam this month. I found a flight for 756$ that leaves in 2 weeks and I will leave the 15th of October to come home. Will the crack down affect the online visa application (Visa on arrival)? I am not sure if I will have the time or not going through some things with work over my shoulder so if I can swing it, it will be last minute. Please let me know if I may or may not have problems.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-18 07:48:00

That sucks. We are still having problems with our k1 visa and we have been planning our "what if" scenarios and what we are planning to do is for me to move to Vietnam if we get the denial and I will start teaching. Do you know if they are just shortening the visa's or if they are starting to deny more workers from entering the country? I know you said mainly the illegal workers are who they are focusing on but I figured I would make sure.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-08 14:40:00

visit US (urgent)

QUOTE (Mr. Leggs @ Sep 19 2009, 09:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thank you anh Roger, ??i ca chym (jim), Jerome and all. she's planning to come to visit only, but it was my idea to marry her boyfriend while she's here, instead of he's making a trip to vietnam next march. trying to take a shortcut but deep down i think this is too risky

if they are going to do what i've told them there is no point to return.

thanks,
Dan

I think they can get married, but she should not try to stay. This would make the cr1 or k3 process easier as he will not have to stay there so long to get married over there. But to try to get married then stay would not be a good idea, it would look a bit fishy. I think that if they did get married and she went back when her Visa said she would not look bad since she did return as she said she would. But it is up to them on the choice they choose to make.
Jerome

BinhJerome

Male

Vietnam

2009-09-19 09:17:00