ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
PhilippinesGrass not always greener

I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. Using the children as a manipulative ploy to keep her here is only going to make her hate/resent you even more. Sounds to me like you're on a power trip and she's not letting you toss her around like that. I'd apologize to her and tell her you would not fight her for custody of the children should she choose to go back home, for starters. Better learn a more effective way to deal with conflict than to get into a power struggle, IMO.


Sorry, late to this discussion. DFH, how is stating he doesn't want the kids leaving the US manipulative? That is simply him stating that he doesn't want his kids to live in the PHL thousands of miles from him. Your going to tell me that if (due to a totally unforeseen circumstance) your wife wants to leave you and move back to the PHL, you'd be down with her taking your kids with her? I'd think most dads would want more interaction with their child than an infrequent trip back to the PHL. Child custody is brutal under normal circumstance, but a foreign marriage situation jacks up the tension/difficulties even more.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-08-12 13:01:00
PhilippinesWhat are your 'friends' saying?

I'm sure there are. Some international dating sites are better than others, but generally speaking, they tend to use the same sales pitch across the board.


Are the international dating sites that much different to the other "main-stream" sites such as eHarmony that is constantly being advertised on late-night cable television? I'd argue the find the foreign/submissive/whatever girl of your dreams "sales pitch" is no better or worse than the find the perfect girl for you "based on 99 character traits that are proven to make a relationship last" pitch. Both, in effect, are pitching a load of BS that some people may or may not buy into.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-07-20 13:37:00
PhilippinesWhat are your 'friends' saying?

When I landed in Manila I was so nervous, I couldn't find her in the crowd and though "Oh Sh!t, I'm here all alone!". It's pretty easy to lose her i a crowd of short brown people with black hair ;-)


Seems like we have a similar story. Having conversed with my now-wife for eight-months before first meeting in-person, I always figured if she did show up at the airport, then she was the girl for me. Even my most conservative cousins from the mid-west said marrying her after this online "adventure" made a certain amount of sense, as I likely knew her just as well, or better than someone I'd been dating in the US.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-07-19 14:24:00
Philippinesi miss the philippines
My wife volunteered at a local hospital when she first arrived, and those couple afternoons a week keeping her busy and meeting new people and helping out in the community seemed to help a lot and give her a sense of purpose rather then just sitting around the house watching Oprah. From the hospital gig, she met Filipino nurses, began to establish herself in the Fil-Am community, and her transition started for real. Checking out volunteer opportunities in your area may help.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-08-17 11:18:00
Philippinestrying to be upbeat

I can build ports with this kind of cash flow.


If materials and labor are so cheap, then how come a new house in even the province usually starts at $2 Million Peso? More commonly at $4.5 Mil.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-09-18 09:53:00
Philippineshelp with mama

So tell me I'm crazy now. Crazy like a fox maybe.


LOL, gotta watch out for the foxes sometimes! I must say that you statement "holds water" as pertaining to your specific situation/location. For most families, holding a second job is not quite such a complication. We're pretty lucky in regard to childcare, with our son being enrolled at a "clinical" daycare housed at a local community college that is used as a training program for the school of education where early childhood education students attend class there and visit the facility as part of their education/training. As such, the procedures and programs at the center are run at almost an aspirational level of quality.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-05 14:07:00
Philippineshelp with mama

This is so true! My God, just to work from here: commuting cost, extra insurance, child care cost, the taxes on the money earned - there isn't enough gain in working unless she were a trial lawyer or surgeon. We see people killing themselves doing just that, and they are so cranky with stress.


Unless the child care provider is working a minimum wage job, this statement is about the craziest thing I've heard. What extra insurance? Lot of the child care cost is written-off at the end of the year. I'm guessing most dual-income families wouldn't see their tax-rate increase.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-03 16:40:00
Philippineshelp with mama

Lols my family and friends asks me for a farewell party


Maybe the parties are one of the 'cultural' or even 'tribal'(whatever that meant) things that are different between the US and the PHL. In the PHL, they love their parties, whether for a wedding, anniversary, or because its a Tuesday.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-09-21 09:01:00
PhilippinesAOS SECOND INTERVIEW!!

We only have rental agreement and joint bqnk account and pictures thats the only one we had.. How can we possibly go through with this.. We cant even move on we just got hired for a job.. What proof of bonaide marriage can we bring we dont have a lot much.. ;(

Proof that the immigrant is on the spouse's medical insurance?
Proof that the immigrant is a beneficiary of spouse's life insurance or retirement policy?
Name of both on telephone/electric/cable bills?

Info on "stokes interview":

http://immigrationro...immigration.php
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-12 09:44:00
PhilippinesIs her Philippine degree worthless in the U.S???
Agree with the above post, my wife had her BA in Business Accounting evaluated by WES, and her St. Paul University Surigao degree was deemed the equivalent of a bachelors degree. The problem came with trying to transfer these credits to a American university when for some reason many (most?) of her courses seemed to be two-credit courses, so they really didn't "translate" into a similar American class for transfer purposes.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-17 17:52:00
PhilippinesNeed Advice..

Another thing, he doesn't seem to consider the financial constraint the OP is facing. There is an alternative to that as mentioned by one poster here: for her to take someone with her, a friend or a family member, to Manila. It is more cost effective that way than having him to fly to the Philippines. It is a sound compromise about the conflicting advices here. She gets someone with her to go to Manila, at the same time, she will have to stand on her own once she enters the embassy as non-US citizens other than the interviewee are not allowed inside the premises.

In thinking about this, I'm not so sure it is cheaper to finance family members to accompany her to Manila, especially if your considering footing the bill for both parents. Extra tickets, extra meals in restaurants, extra transportation, etc. all times two, it will add-up fast. It might be for the best if the OP does come to Manila to "help" her through the process, both from a tour guide type standpoint, but also from the emotional support standpoint. If the visa isn't released in a timely fashion by the embassy, he'll likely have to return without her, but by then the fiancee will have the "experience" necessary to fly to America on her own.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-23 10:29:00
PhilippinesNeed Advice..

The Filipino clerks at the US Embassy tend to give their fellow Filipinos a hard time but the Consulate is American so more understanding.

That's exactly what my wife told me five years ago!

She was placed on AR for a time after the interview (until my Congressman made a call to the embassy) so I would NOT book flight to US until the visa is in-hand. One-way tickets purchased short-term are not too steep if your good at scouring the web for deals.

I like the suggestions of booking the hotels and having them providing transportation to and from airport, will make her stay in Manila more manageable.

With all the information you can glean from this forum, there really is no reason that you NEED to fly to the PHL and help her. Just do your research and prepare her for what to expect. In the end, it will be her "performance" in the steps of the process that gets her the visa.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-19 14:38:00
PhilippinesHotel Close to NAIA - Manila Philippines

Ditto that, if you just need a shower and a bed it's perfect and a short ride if you have early departure next morning

Yep. Its only a ten-minute walk from Terminal 1, so you can even save a few pesos and not worry whether your driver will show.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-25 14:32:00
PhilippinesSo confused...

I offered to get him a job where I'm working but he said he "does not like wiping poop". He said he has done that before and he didn't like it.


Its this part that disturbs me the most. While it is silly to quit a job before you have a new one lined-up, I can sort of understand if something happened at work and he just snapped and walked-out without thinking the consequences through. But to turn down a job in this economy? That is not right. Your husband needs to man-up and wipe poop to support his family if that's what is needed.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-26 09:03:00
PhilippinesTaxis and Hotels Cost in Manila
Now, its been a couple years since I've been to the PHL, but the most I can ever remember paying from the airport to an airport in the Malate area was 700 peso. From my wife's apartment in Makati was usually more like 500.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-11-22 14:19:00
PhilippinesFriends reactions
In our case, there really weren't any reactions. Her parents like me, and my parents liked her. Enough said. If there were any "reactions" it was believe it or not from some members of the local Fil-Am community after they heard we had met online. Not sure why this was perceived as strange in that many couples, foreign relationship or not, meet in this manner.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-11-20 11:07:00
PhilippinesThings You Hate & Love About The Philippines

They are rude, selfish, conniving, and overly sensitive.

This pretty much how my wife sums-up many of the Filipinos in our area. We used to go to every 'blessed' Fil-Am event when she first arrived, now after five years, hardly ever.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-11-11 14:51:00
PhilippinesWants to give up and Return to Philippines?

she blows up and gets mad and stays pissy for 2-3 days.

Another stereotype again: Sounds like 'classic' tampo!
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-31 14:12:00
PhilippinesWants to give up and Return to Philippines?

In the first 2 weeks I would have given us less than 50% odds to succeed but it's not about instant gratification it is about communication and support and just getting used to each other without the weight of the world on your head.

I like your post and can totally relate. Very similar to our experience!
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-27 09:09:00
PhilippinesFilipino Attitudes


Asking the price of my computer, our sofa, my watch, how many bedroom we have in our house.


It maybe the culture, but I've also noticed that not only do they (Filipinas) talk openly about how much possessions cost, but they also freely discuss how much they and their husbands make for a living. Americans generally NEVER discuss salaries and such, keeping these details private.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-12-04 11:54:00
PhilippinesThings you found strange about the Philippines

The urine running across the sidewalk into the street . . .


No Kidding. In the province, the guys will just whip it out any old place and let it trickle! Pretty crazy if you ask me.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-07-29 13:33:00
PhilippinesJourney Over! (for now?!?)

Anyway, if she gets homesick she can always go home for a visit and would have the option to return to the US if she wants.

Great news! I'll be filing the citizenship papers for my wife next week. The one 'problem' with the immigration application for the mom might be the residency requirements. If she gets homesick too soon and returns the the PHL for too long of a time, she might not be able to adjust status later-on down the road.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-03-22 09:43:00
PhilippinesMost marketable degree for the Philippines?

I wouldn't really wish that life on anybody but it is better than sitting at home with no job.

Are you sure about that? The hope is to theoretically "better" them with an education, not sure sending them into slavery is the "better" I had in mind.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-04-19 16:15:00
PhilippinesMost marketable degree for the Philippines?

You might consider buying them a jeepney instead of a degree.

Now there's a thought!
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-04-19 10:01:00
PhilippinesMost marketable degree for the Philippines?

I paid for a couple years of college about 5 or 6 years ago. some kind of computer associates degree from a decent college in Batangas. Now the kid is working in a fast food

restaurant. Judy's Son has a two year degree in computers also. He was working full time for a couple of years with computers, now he's with the same company but works

like one day every two weeks.

This is exactly what I'm worried about. There are so many college grads being cranked out of PHL schools and the unemployment rate is so high, that a 2-year "certificate" in computer-whatever is totally useless. Why would a HR person consider this when there are thousands of others with a Bachelors to choose from? 2-year program is a waste of both time and money in my view.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-04-17 15:38:00
PhilippinesMost marketable degree for the Philippines?
If someone were to send their children or other relatives to a college in the Philippines, what would be the most "marketable" degree to obtain, in regard to both in-country job prospects, and for work visa prospects abroad? I am thinking something in IT, but that is such a catch-all degree. Thoughts?
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-04-16 12:29:00
PhilippinesHow much do you send to your wife's family monthly ?

Our own financial situation here is we are about 25k in debt and only rent an apartment. Unfortunately my wife is stuck in the middle between her family's requests and me concerned about paying our own bills.

It is not the giving of money to the family that probably have some scratching their heads, it is the fact the remittances are causing financial strains for you. If the money sent back to the PHL is so great that the bills at home cannot be paid, this is a problem that must be fixed right away. Some have told me this is called "Filipina math" -- if I have five units of money, and I spend two units of money, I have five units of money remaining.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-04-19 13:54:00
Philippinesk1 denied

She is clearly saying that she does not think you two have met in person. Do you not have copies of his passport stamps and documentation and evidence of you two having met in the past two years. ??


To combat this, in addition to the passport stamps/plane ticket/hotel receipts, we even threw in photos of the two of us holding up a Philippines newspaper with the date blown-up. Short of some extremely good photo-shop editing, this was supposed to not only prove we were together, but together on the dates we said we were together.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-04-15 13:18:00
PhilippinesMy wife wants to bring her mother over.
For those that bring mom over, does anyone purchase health insurance for her? I am assuming that with the affidavit of support the daughter must sign, she'll be on the hook for any medical bills that happen. Even a small medical emergency in American can bankrupt you.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2012-05-01 10:51:00
Philippinessending money to the family back in the phils

Yes, if someone got a car and they got a job like a nurse, architect or a doctor, that means they are a little well off here

In my American mentality, I would think you'd need to be doing "much" better than a nurse salary at say $300-$400 a month to own a car. A scan of the automobile advertisements in Manila the last time showed what looked like an average cost of a low-end new sport-utility or camery-type car to be going for between 12K-16K dollars. That's a lot of car to pay-off making under $5K year. I shake my head every time I'm in Manila and wonder how so many in the PHL can afford such cash-guzzlers.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-08 19:27:00
Philippinessending money to the family back in the phils

I also,,, think it is a discussion that the husband and wife need to have,,, regarding the level of support (if support is needed)... Is it to...

1. Maintain their current standard of living
2. Elevate their standard of living
3. Help them become self sustaining


#1 is relatively easy.

#3 from scanning the multitude of posts on this topic is hardly ever successful.

#2 can be scary because there is elevated, and then there's elevated.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-07 12:11:00
Philippinessending money to the family back in the phils

As I suggested,,, if you can afford it.

Many times your new wife was adding income to the larger family. Especially, if she was the eldest and educated. It is only
reasonable to think... With her leaving the Philippines, there will be a loss of income to the family. Again, if you can
afford it... replace the income -- keep the peace. In my wife's case,,, Educated as a nurse in the Philippines and now a
Nurse her in the USA. So,,, it is the least we can do.

Regards,

I think you are missing the point of my argument. The $300 a month "stipend" the OP is giving more than equals the ENTIRE salary of a nurse in the PHL. Already the family is receiving a windfall that would have been there but for marriage to a foreigner, so the family actually has a significant net gain, rather than loss from the daughter leaving the Philippines. The amount being sent is more than "fair" in light of the OP's circumstances.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-06 11:07:00
Philippinessending money to the family back in the phils

I'll repeat my comments of the past regarding this same topic...

If you can afford it,,, try to replace the potential income she could of added to the family...

Example: If she is educated as a nurse, teacher, or similar, they could make 10-15k per month.

Just a thought...

Regards,

What are you suggesting? If the wife/gf/fiancee was a nurse in the PHL, you should be obligated to send more? He's already sending $300 a month which at current exchange rate is P12,000 plus a month, which would be the entire salary of a typical "professional" in the PHL.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-10-05 09:34:00
PhilippinesBEST WAY TO TEACH MY FILIPINA TO BUDGET

Because for me and a lot of other people I see who have the same inclinations - we always find work.


Bottom-line, some (most) Fil-Am couples are going to have to agree on whether or not to help, and to what extent. Even if the family has "work" it is often brutal and for next to no pay. I know in-laws that work the gold mines for hours and hours each day and maybe make 2,000 peso a week if they're lucky. It can be difficult not help based on some "general principle" of American boot-strap theory if there is the ability to provide some assistance. About the only time I really get irritated is when I hear of another relative who is having another baby they can't possibly afford. I've often wondered if it would help if condoms were included in the boxes we send back periodically.
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-08-05 09:54:00
PhilippinesBEST WAY TO TEACH MY FILIPINA TO BUDGET

When someone says there is no work, you've got to have the guts to acknowledge it is a lie.

This is the only portion of you post I might have a slight 'modification' for. Often, there IS no work available, or the work available really isn't enough for a subsistence life. Hell, I'd be poor in the PHL if I worked in my field there. Except for this little aside, you've synthesized Finance 101 quite nicely!
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-08-03 15:56:00
PhilippinesArguments About Sending Money Back Home?

It is good to help but there should always be a "LIMIT" :)

Sounds like the OP's parents did not do a very good job at setting limits. If the mom and dad are sending so much money back to the PHL they can't even buy X-Mas gifts for their own child, than something is wrong with that picture if you ask me.

I'm also curious at what generation does the perceived remittance obligation stop? Is the OP expected by his family to continue the tradition to his distant cousins, nieces and nephews etc.?
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-11-14 11:17:00
PhilippinesArguments About Sending Money Back Home?
As many here know, my biggest concern about this topic is the constant "breeding" that leads to more and more children to support. My wife and I have made a conscious choice to only have one child because they are EXPENSIVE. Many in the PHL don't understand this concept, so I have little compassion to help someone who couldn't support three kids, but now have four. I understand its not the kids fault to be born into this mess, but no one person in American can support an entire village!
BJZagsMalePhilippines2011-11-13 12:36:00
PhilippinesFlying with child under age 2 to Phils

Our 10-month old rode on our laps and we didn't have too much problem. He fortunately slept most of the way, which was surprising.  When he was awake we kept him busy with his favorite toys and his crocodile-shaped keyboard that he liked to play with at the time.  Now, flash-forward two months later when he was fully mobile because he'd mastered walking, than forget about it -- separate seat would have been required.


BJZagsMalePhilippines2013-09-18 16:02:00
PhilippinesConflict between the families - When/where to get married?

The insistence on a Catholic wedding in my mind totally kills option #1, in my mind. Any whisper of a so-called "mock" wedding will potentially invalidate a K-1 visa.  In my case, we went with option #1, but only held an "engagement celebration" at a local resort where both our families came together and bonded.  It worked for us, but her family isn't religious, appreciating the gesture of the celebration dinner while also understanding the implications of time with the K-1 route.  Good luck with whatever you decide.


BJZagsMalePhilippines2014-03-10 13:10:00
PhilippinesIs Friend's Fiancee Scamming Him? How to convince him?

Most likely that is for a 22 hour or more travel time, going to LAX first, or having more than one layover. He wanted to pay extra to keep it in Japan and only 16 hours long.

 

Yep. I found a four-hr lay-over in LAX and then onto PDX for $1218. That's not bad, I think a 4-hr layover is reasonable. And then he'd have $500 saved toward his mega-Vegas wedding.


BJZagsMalePhilippines2014-07-10 16:22:00