ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaMENA pregnancy/baby/parenting thread

You'll have to give me the dish on what it's like having two boys. I have always heard that boys for some reason are harder.
I think that how they are as fathers depends on how their fathers were with them. My husbands dad wasn't around alot until he was at least 10 years old. He worked in another city and came home to visit long enough to get my MIL pregnant again.
Hocine is doing much better now but we still have very different parenting styles. He lets Mehdi do whatever he wants to keep him from crying which in turn has spoiled him.


Well I think you heard right. They are hard. Very hard most of the time. When they were little it wasn't such an issue because Mikhail was ticked Khalil didn't do anything, then he got big enough to steal his toys and that was an outrage, now they are finally at a stage where they can play together - if they choose to. The fighting is the worst and I'm not sure how to calm that down but they both react quickly - they play fight, they fight fight. They are also very busy. They never slow down!! I have been reassured that they get easier as they get older. I see that my oldest is mellowing out - he's almost 6 now and he seems to have turned a corner. He will sit down and do "quiet" activities.

We (my husband and I) have different parenting ideas which stem from how we were raised I think. My husband also did not have a father around all the time, he worked and he had another family (2 wives in different houses). He also died unexpectedly when my husband was about 16. He is quite authoritarian, he doesn't mess around, doesn't allow disrespect and really (I think) doesn't understand that kids are kids not little adults. I was quite indulged as a child, and had a very involved mother who stayed home and totally did whatever we wanted to do. not that we ran amuck but she always played with us and got involved in our lives. My husband said his parents never ever played with him (shoot his mom had 9 kids how could she?) I give him credit because he is getting better. He has a great relationship with the boys which I think is important because shoot what do I know about boys? LOL.

The biggest hurdle/change for us was that my husband had to grow up. In Maroc he was the baby of the family and was catered to his whole life. He was 21 when he came here and had never lived on his own and had no idea how to care for himself. I blame his mother for that, but it's beside the point. He walked in and had not only to care for himself in part but also care for a small child (soon 2 small children). It was rough, for me especially and he has come a long way. There are still areas where I wish he would pick up some slack but I guess in time those things will be figured out.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-01-12 11:34:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA pregnancy/baby/parenting thread
Dropping in the mom shop - Amanda here - mom to 2 boys Mikhail Alexander (5) and Khalil Ibrahim (3) We're all Muslim so no issues there but bi-cultural ideas of child-rearing we had issues there. Luckily my husband was pretty young and not quite set in his ways yet (I think...) so he's evolved as a parent lol. My kids semi-speak semi-understand Darija but my husband has a hard time only talking to them in Arabic and slides into English when he thinks they aren't listening. So that's me checking in lol
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-01-11 22:41:00
Middle East and North AfricaAdjusting to America

I would echo this. I didn't even know how rough it was for him when he first arrived because he put a brave face on it, but it was extremely difficult for him, and I found out later he seriously considered going back almost as soon as he arrived. For me, the worst of it didn't seem to show up until about a year after his arrival. It's much better now, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, but MrsAmera's advice to prepare for the worst and hope for the best is right on, in my opinion.

The one thing I can put my finger on which seemed to help the most was when he got his driver's license and the autonomy that came with it. There were other things, but that seemed to be the biggie.


I would say the Big 3 are;
1) a job
2) driver's license
3) friends outside of you and your family
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-16 22:42:00
Middle East and North AfricaAdjusting to America
My advice - prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Some people have an easy transition and others rough. Personally my husband's transition was very very hard for him and on our relationship. We've been married almost 5 years now and we are just at a place where we feel like equal partners moving forward in life in the US. There were lots of adjustments, understandings, and realizations he had to come to and there were sacrifices on both of our parts. Getting him here was the easiest part of the journey.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-16 20:53:00
Middle East and North AfricaInterview at Algerian Embassy today!
I agree that that tactic is pointless, people will either 1) answer honestly (which I think you should do) or 2) get mad, angry or confused and lash out. I don't think those questions should be legitimate (except for spousal visas in which a marriage is not actually valid in US laws unless consumated). But think of this from the CO's point of view, your relationship may be valid, but I assure you at least 50% of people interviewing the day you were were involved with some type of visa fraud. Does the system need to be reformed absolutely but a lot of beneficiaries are not in this game for love...only paper. Also the AP/AR has nothing to do with proof you're providing as Malarie stated. It's security checks. Not all of them are complete by the time of interview hence the delay. If you're given AP you've passed the stage of proving your relationship, all that is holding the visa is checking on your SO's affiliations and record.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-21 07:17:00
Middle East and North AfricaSecurity checks for MENA men in foreign consulates
Going through the processes Spain requires for residency and going through US immigration are two completely different things. The reason your checks are taking longer might be because there are more applications being processed, your fiances' name matches come up more often, or somebody operating the system had a few days last week off. A couple of days difference is completely normal as others have said. Sometimes it takes days and sometimes it takes a year. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Please don't drive yourself crazy reading through timelines and trying to gauge how long it will take your specific situation it will only drive you more crazy in the wait.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-22 11:22:00
Middle East and North AfricaMoroccan Cuisine

Oh my gosh I've spent all evening drooling over your blog. NOT SAFE FOR RAMADAN!!! :lol: It all looks delicious and I can't wait to try out your recipes! :thumbs:


Awwww! Thank you! I should put a not safe for daytime during Ramadan header ;)
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-26 22:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaMoroccan Cuisine
You're the Vanessa?!?!?! Ohmygosh girl you should have spoken up and I would have had to send you some VJ friend extra special spices!!! Thanks for trying them out!!!!

You guys are awesome! Thanks so much and I'll report back when we try them. As a side note, we did check out the marocmamma website and bought the spices. We've made the fish recipe and it was fabulous!


MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-26 16:42:00
Middle East and North AfricaMoroccan Cuisine
I've got tons of them but hate re-typing - check out my blog www.marocmama.com
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-25 17:04:00
Middle East and North AfricaSunday brrrr!
Not at all. My dream is to open a community home for single and divorced mothers who have nowhere else to go. It would be based on job training and education with childcare. Responsibilities for childcare, house tending etc would be shared amongst the women living there. I don't have all the details worked out but it's a rough concept I've discussed with some folks I've worked with at USAID. The overall goal is to lift the women out of poverty and off the street, allowing their children to attend school and be cared for.

Edited by MrsAmera, 30 August 2010 - 05:17 PM.

MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-30 17:15:00
Middle East and North AfricaSunday brrrr!
I've spent quite a bit of time there, probably close to a year in total over 6 years. I completely know what the good and bad aspects of life are there. My biggest incentive is having more time with my children, a lot of family closer to us, and the opportunity to start a non-profit organization that I've dreamed of.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-30 07:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaSunday brrrr!

i think a lot depends (especially in ME countries) how successful the man has become in USA (i.e. he sees his dreams coming to fruitation even if somewhere in future). also, the older the children get can affect their decisions. the reaction of their family in their native country if the family is especially forceful can be even more of a deciding factor. it can push them to see they and their children are better off in USA or it can push them the other way. for an american woman with a ME husband this can be a losing battle if they take the children there permanently.


Well in our situation if we decided to live there permanently it would make no difference I am happy living here or living there. I was mostly just trying to point out that the longer the immigrant lives in the US the more likely his attitude is to change regarding feelings of living in their home country permanently.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-29 13:31:00
Middle East and North AfricaSunday brrrr!
I thought I would share a little story that might help especially in the discussion about "going home". My husband has been here for almost 5 years now and has gone home every year for between 3 weeks to 2 months. This year is the longest amount of time he has been back and went with both of our children. My husband has always been very very attached to Morocco and dreamed year upon year about when we would finally move there for good. To me it was never an issue, I don't care where we live - here or there I like them the same. For him America was where we were living but it wasn't home. This year was different. Going home he saw things in a very different light, and told me "there is no justice in Morocco, there is no freedom, you can't count on the police, or the hospitals to take care of you. It's all about money and connections." This was a complete revelation to him and it really blew me out of the water. He told me that America is home and that he doesn't want to move back to Morocco and especially not to bring our kids there long-term. He had a serious family issue with the police and had to go to the state hospital that he described as appaling and sickening to see people being so poorly cared for. He even asked if I could change their plane tickets so that he and the kids could come home earlier. I'll be honest I never in a million years thought this day would come. Never. I love Morocco a lot, but I've seen a lot of injustices and know that it's not the utopia he had in his mind. I'm sure he'll always be proud of being Moroccan but he sees now that there are a lot of injustices in his country.

To make a long story short, your hubby hasn't been here too long and I remember those first few years and the struggles we went through. I think your biggest hurdle will be him achieving his career hopes. I'm sure he can do it, it might just take him a lot longer than he hopes. (and maybe not who knows!). I feel blessed that I didn't have that hurdle to deal with although there were plenty of others! The first 2-3 years are really hard - REALLY hard. But once you get through those the rest sort of fall into place. I remember immigrants telling me years ago that after 5-7 years my husband wouldn't feel so attached to Morocco and he would start to see America in a different light. I never believed them...boy what an awakening this has been!
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-08-29 10:21:00
Middle East and North AfricaSending baked goods to Morocco
I was thinking the same thing!
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-03 07:19:00
Middle East and North AfricaSending baked goods to Morocco
I probably wouldn't. Sometimes things get there in a few days and sometimes a few weeks...and sometimes never...
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-01 17:30:00
Middle East and North AfricaUS Embassy Help to US Perm Resident
Interpol and the State Department had issued warnings if the burning went through... http://news.smh.com....0910-153g7.html
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-09 19:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaUS Embassy Help to US Perm Resident
Man that is depressing! I find it hard to believe that they would take my 6 and 3 year old out of the country alone without their father...but then again who knows! I hope it's all for naught and I'm just being anxious over nothing!
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-09 13:50:00
Middle East and North AfricaUS Embassy Help to US Perm Resident
Hello,

This is a bit of an odd question but I'm hoping someone might have some insight. I've done quite a bit of research and haven't come up with anything. My husband is in Morocco right now with our two kids. He is a US Perm. Resident (almost citizen)and our two kids are both American citizens. All of this hoopla about the Quran burning is freaking me out a bit. Although I highly highly doubt anything will happen in Morocco I do want to have my bases covered since there have been advisories issues to all countries regarding potential unrest. The question is;

- Will the US government help my Perm Resident husband and kids to leave the country if need be? Or do they only help US Citizens (so they would help my kids but not my husband..."?

Any insight?
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-09 12:40:00
Middle East and North AfricaBecoming a Citizen
Thought about it and tried to but it's such a pain in the butt. We haven't even been able to get our marriage registered let alone consider this path yet!
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-15 08:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhen they go back
My husband has been here 5 years and has been home 4 times, for between 3 weeks to 2 months (just depended on time/money). First time he went alone, 2nd time - he went with our youngest son and I went halfway through and came home with him. Third time he went for a month and our youngest stayed for 2 additional months. This summer he went with both of our boys and stayed for 2 months. Mostly it's a matter of money, sure I'd like to go too but it's his family and him seeing them and spending time with his mom who is not in the best health means I stay at home so he can go I'm all for that. I think after this trip it will be a long while before he returns.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-15 08:44:00
Middle East and North AfricaHave you been MENA-ized by your SO?
I guess that one depends on whether or not one is Muslim....I try and use the English equivalent of those terms esp in non-Muslim company.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-17 17:21:00
Middle East and North AfricaHave you been MENA-ized by your SO?
I think time has a big role in it. My husband used to really be a hard-core Moroccan but the longer he's here the more American he gets. I think we sort of met in the middle. I certainly adapted more of the household responsibilities than I probably would have had I married an American (mostly because he had NO clue how to do even the simplest things around the house and I'm a bit of a control freak). I cook a lot more and much better. I like Moroccan culture. However I've also noticed that I have discovered more about who I am and what my identity is, as an American and even as an individual.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-16 20:29:00
Middle East and North AfricaBaby names
Well since we are T minus 10 weeks to go we have a name. We had four - Tarik, Amin, Amir, and Ayman all with the middle name Ibrahim (Youssef's deceased father's name). However when he asked his mom she said she really liked the name Khalil so we have decided to go with that one. Our sons name will be Khalil Ibrahim. If we were to have a girl her name would have been Kenza Jolie. It is important for my husband for our child to have an Arabic/Islamic name and I am fine by that. I also want a different name for our child - my name is Amanda and there were like 15 other Amanda's I went to school with. My first son's name is Mikhail Alexander so I guess I'm about ethnic/different names.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2006-10-26 18:13:00
Middle East and North Africaarabic baby names
Henia --- When I was pregnant with my first son I wanted to name him Imre because there was an auther named Imre Kertez (i think that's the last name) and I loved his writing. Everyone harrassed me so I named him Mikhail instead.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2007-02-15 09:23:00
Middle East and North Africaarabic baby names
The naming thing you're talking about julianna isn't a Muslim thing per say. My husband is Muslim and he has a first and last name - no other names included. In most of Morocco that's how it is. Our son is Khalil but we also liked Tariq for a boy and Malika and Kenza for a girl.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2007-02-14 21:16:00
Middle East and North Africatoday i back home from interview
Actually you can request an interview in Arabic/French - I would just point out that you want to make sure that you understand and answer their questions accurately. Having a conversation with your SO and day to day communication is much different than being on the interview hot seat. I agree with other suggestions - write out all the questions you were asked, list out your red flags and how to address those. Think hard if there's anything in either of your pasts that might have a negative impact on the interview.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-24 13:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaChange the way I dress?
Great response from UmmS -- my best advice to you is to take it slow. Too often people convert and dive in the deep end of the pool. Slow down, take your time, learn your faith inside and out, and figure out what works for you and your beliefs. Also as much as I might get hammered for saying this -what works where you live. Yes wearing hijab is for the sake of Allah but I think dressing modestly is what is required of us. Covering your hair might be part of how you see modest. I wore hijab for about 3 years when we lived in Washington DC and had no problems doing so and did feel much more connected to the American Muslim community and my faith. We moved back to WI and wearing a hijab made me a target. Everyday was a huge struggle and I used to cry because I couldn't even get a hello from a store clerk. I've had people walk into objects because they were staring at me. The purpose of hijab is to NOT stick out - I feel like if it's making you stick out more then not then it's defeating the purpose.

So back to everyday clothes. There are some things from my husbands country that I wear clothes-wise but again depends on the situation. I have takschitas and caftans but I mostly wear them to mosque functions or parties with our other Moroccan friends. When we're at "american" parties I dress in more American styles. Either way they are clothes that I love and am comfortable in.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-23 12:16:00
Middle East and North AfricaAttitudes changing when they come to the us
I think that it's very common for people to change when they come here but not necessarily the way that your friend has. I know people like your friend who come here and make the excuse that it's America's fault for their bad behavior. There are also people who come here and find the opposite. Overall I think that anyone that immigrates anywhere will change some aspects of their personality just due to circumstances. Some will be for the better and some for the worse. I know my husband was a lot different 6 months into his time in the US than he is now - part of it was just learning the ropes and finding his comfort level with life here. Does that make sense?
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-26 21:45:00
Middle East and North AfricaMoroccan Culture?
I agree with Staashi. The issue of sending money home should be discussed pre-marriage and should be something that is expected to occur down the road. I think this is the one sore spot Americans have. Odds are good your SO won't even think of discussing this because it's just something that's assumed to occur. The American partner doesn't think of discussing it because it's just something we don't do. We send what we can, when we can. I used to be resentful to this instead thinking "gee wouldn't it be nice to upgrade the car" or "gosh I sure would like to have a newer cell phone" but then I pulled myself back and realized that my MIL and SIL's are struggling daily to provide for themselves and their children. I also know that if we were in need and they were in a position to help they would no matter what. My husband left Morocco and came to the US for me, to have a family and live here. Were he living in Morocco he would be helping to support his mother and sisters.

Back to the OP - sounds like your husband is saving face with his family and at first my husband felt that sending $300 a month was a requirement, it had to happen - that much no matter what. It took time for him to see how life/bills/cost of living worked here. I was patient and we always sent what we could back. He operates on the same principal now. Sending what he can, whether it's $100 or $300 when it's possible. So yes sometimes the attitude does change.

As for cheating - never ever acceptable. My initial thoughts are that he was angry and upset about the money situation and hostility that went on and decided to look elsewhere for the "comforts" of home, whether that is a cup of coffee, conversation, or affection. I don't condone adultery or cheating in any way shape or form, but I would be remiss not to mention this.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-09-30 11:23:00
Middle East and North AfricaCrossing Border from Morrocco to Spain
I took the Tangier to Tarifa boat (went to Algecerias with my SIL shopping). It's nice, convenient and reliable. Although the Tangier port is a bit seedy.... My husband had all kinds of trouble with the Spanish immigration folks in Madrid and he had his 10 yr GC, our 2 USC children, and his letter for his CItizenship oath ceremony...

I think taking the AM ferry to go shopping in Spain and then the late night ferry back should work out alright!
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-11 15:02:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA men and style
Yes and it makes me crazy. My husband also has this jacket fixation. I have maybe 4 jackets/coats for all seasons. I think he has about 5 jackets for winter and then let's not get started on the other seasons. What kills me is he wears the same one all the time, it's a basic winter jacket. He has like 3 top coats (dressy jackets) and he barely ever wears them but insisted he needs them. Hair and lotion nah he's not too fussy there (just Dove liquid bath wash). Clothes and shoes are his big thing....
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2009-01-23 11:29:00
Middle East and North AfricaJourney Complete
Yes honestly having our son participate was so cool for him! My husband was surprised too because he hadn't hear the officer talking to him. We printed a bunch of pictures so he can take them to school tomorrow and share with his class about his experience. My husband volunteers as a parent-reader Monday mornings in his classroom too so the teacher asked him to talk to the class about becoming an American.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-14 11:07:00
Middle East and North AfricaJourney Complete
Many of my friends on Facebook know however just thought I would share that our Visa Journey is done. Today my husband had his oath ceremony, 5 years and 6 months after our initial application for his visa. In some ways it's hard to believe it's been so long and in others amazing we've come this far and can close this chapter of our lives. I can't wait to box up all the immigration paperwork and hide it away where I don't have to deal with it anymore!!! The ceremony itself was nice - about 24 people from like 15 countries. The officer was nice, it was a MUCH different experience than we've ever had in that building! Our son (6 year old) went with and the officer asked him if he would like to lead the pledge of alliegance. He got to go up in front with her and have his name called out and then do the Pledge. Very very exciting and memorable for him. I teared up a little during the ceremony because it was very moving. The officer also made it a point to point out that becoming an American is in no way asking anyone to give up who they are, where they come from and what they've been through but rather she hoped they would contribute their experiences to those Americans who have yet to experience the things they have. IT was a very nice speech. I was a little disapointed with how the names were called out and certificates handed out esp. since it was such a small group. Very fast and informal.

That's my last report on immigration :) Best of luck to everyone in whatever stage of the process you're at!
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-13 21:48:00
Middle East and North AfricaHow well do you know your MENA S/O?
1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
CNN or watching an Arabic movie

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
none, he likes it naked
Ranch

3. What's one food he doesn't like?
Pasta

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
Diet Coke

5. Where did he go to high school.
Ibn Khaldoun Academy

6. What size shoe does he wear?
9.5

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
money? lol maybe shoes

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Subway - whatever kind looks good

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
Rghaif

10. What is his favorite cereal?
Honey Nut Cheerios

11. What would he never wear?
Western clothing (western like cowboy clothes)

12. What is his favorite sports team?
hmm...he's not picky here; maybe Barcelona?

13. Who did he vote for?
not yet - but he likes democrats

14. Who is his best friend?
Ahmed

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
be crabby?

16. What is his heritage?
Moroccan

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
almond

18. Did he play sports in high school?
soccer and boxing

19. What could he spend hours doing?
watching movies

20. What is one unique talent he has?
hmmm i dunno ...
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-16 08:27:00
Middle East and North AfricaAmericans Soldiers Save woman who had her nose cut off
The American media unfortunately is a lot more censored than other news. Watch the nightly news in Europe and you'll find them reporting much more freely and critically of what is going on :( I wish it were more transparent and less $$ driven!
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-21 15:54:00
Middle East and North AfricaAmericans Soldiers Save woman who had her nose cut off
I don't get what your last 2 posts have to do with the discussion. Who said they wouldn't serve if drafted? Vote? This all started because someone pointed out that while fantastic that this woman is getting her face fixed there are scores more injured and killed by American policies. HIT you took that reality to mean something else.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-21 15:30:00
Middle East and North AfricaAmericans Soldiers Save woman who had her nose cut off
Who said anything about hatred and venom?! Disagrement does not = hatred. You said " I am just glad there is someone else who understands that it's absolutely hypocritical to want to come to the USA to reap the benefits of everything we have and then at the same time to criticize our government". So "reaping the benefits" means keep your mouth shut?? And it's hypocritical to speak out against wrongs? The government runs on the premise of the input of the people. If we all keep our mouths shut then the system dissolves. One of the benefits is to open your mouth. I would think a little civics brush up might be in order.

I also am highly offended that any insinuation to my politcal viewpoints would be made based on my marriage. My family have been staunch political activists for decades, not to mention I've studied politics deeply, lived and worked in Washington DC and have seen policy creation, development and implementation first hand. If anything my husband is apolitical and really has very little to say about what goes on, aside from those things that impact our daily lives. I'm the one speaking out here, I'm the one that takes issue with what MY government does in MY name. I'm a citizen, it's my duty to do so.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-21 12:34:00
Middle East and North AfricaAmericans Soldiers Save woman who had her nose cut off
I think we're talking about two different things. Of course any citizen should be willing to take up arms - but to me that does not mean that you have have to believe everything and support it hook, line and sinker. It's that concept of "If you're not with us your against us" that got us into a conundrum to begin with. There's a whole lot more grey than black and white.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-20 19:32:00
Middle East and North AfricaAmericans Soldiers Save woman who had her nose cut off
Not believing every line that is fed to us by "leaders" does not = supporting enemies. It's that kind of logic that erodes civil rights and liberties in the US. I have to wonder if the founding fathers are rolling in their graves at the pass some people give to our leaders. They are representing us, if we don't agree with what they do we have to stand up to that.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-20 12:27:00
Middle East and North AfricaAmericans Soldiers Save woman who had her nose cut off
I guess you just have a different definition of what "defend and support" means.
MrsAmeraFemaleMorocco2010-10-20 09:12:00