ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Africa: Sub-SaharanToo Young For Marriage?
I have to agree with everyone else...it's maturity that will count in the long run. A friend of mine had to break off an engagement to a 45 year old man who was still playing games.

Not to hi-jack the thread, but I wanted to offer some advice to esjessi. It's completely unsolicited advice so take it our leave it....but I was reading what you said about not telling your folks about applying for the fiance visa. Again...take or leave it, but try to be open with your parents about your situation. What I have found in this process is that it is best to try and be open especially with your family because you need support. Your parents may not agree with your choice at first, but it's quite possible for them to come around eventually. However, to not tell them and then spring it on them after the fact, might not be a good idea either. You are obviously a grown, intelligent woman who can make her own choices, and I am by no means questioning your judgement. Someone gave me the sage advice to at least let your family know what's going on so that they can be a part of things if they choose. I actually took this advice and it has made all the difference in my relationship with my husband and parents, and with him and my family.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-03-13 15:45:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanImagine going through all of this for many wives!

Luckily a few of the women have stood up for themselves and decided not to accept the situation!!



Thank goodness some have stood up, but do you think it will make them scrutinize African more on Visa process. I think that is the downer there.



Therein is the problem. When I was at my fiance's interview there was a family that was interviewed before us and the husband was questioned about whether he had more than one wife. So yes, I think there is a bias. I think ( and this is just my opinion) that there is going to be additional scrutiny for Africans anyway because of economics and the perceived proclivity for fraud, but the added news that this type of situation is going on will make it even more difficult.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-03-26 08:48:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanImagine going through all of this for many wives!
I can't say I am shocked, because I had heard about this kind of thing. But I am really saddened for the women involved. Nine times out of ten multiple wives is not a good situation. And though the folks in the story are Muslim, I have heard of this happening with African Christians as well, though the instances are less because Christianity forbids multiple wives as we know. The polygamy was in the culture before the religion came in. What I don't understand is how the men bring these women here, into a precarious situation and then have them living in terrible conditions and on top of that abusing them. Luckily a few of the women have stood up for themselves and decided not to accept the situation!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-03-24 17:07:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVISA APPROVVVVVVVVVVED
Congratulations after the LONG wait!!!! I am SO happy for you and your wife. It's me Pam by the way :yes: Taurean of course is my VJ name!I
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-03-27 08:51:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanPOE
Honestly I wouldn't be worried. JFK is the like the melting pot of airports. People from EVERYWHERE arrive through there. My husband came through Washington-Dulles and had absolutely no problems. As long as everything is in order, you shouldn't have any issues.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-04-05 15:55:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLetter of complaint re: US Embassy in Nairobi/medical exam
Best of luck with your situation. It makes no sense what they are putting your fiancee through.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-04-05 15:59:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa approved!!
Congratulations! Sounds like everything was a breeze.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-04-27 08:27:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanGreen Card ans SS Received
Omar:

Glad to see everything is moving right along! Hopefully your wife is making a smooth transition. Shouldn't be too bad because she has all of the necesary documents right away. Thanks for sharing the good news!!!

PAM
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-05-05 18:53:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanJust curious...
[quote name='akim oda' date='May 12 2007, 05:39 PM' post='904762']
I'll let you all know what happens when my fiance has his interview. We were introduced over the phone in Sept 05 and I went to Ghana in June-July 06. That is the only time I was there. Reasons being why that was the only time, I work a full time job and attend school. I have children who must go to school and have no family here to watch them if I leave. I could go now, but if I spend what I have saved, I wont have any money to fly him here. I cant seem to gather enough for both of us, as his date is approaching fast. Hmmm, credit cards are always tempting. If I knew for a fact that going again would grant him a visa, I would be there. It's a hard decision to make.

akimoda: Hope everything works out for the best for you and your fiance!!

I wanted to add that although I was able to be with my husband more than once, there is a small part of me that believes might not have received the visa had I not been there at the interview. Luckily I was visiting around that time anyway, so I was able to be there.

Edited by taurean, 12 May 2007 - 04:54 PM.

taureanFemaleSenegal2007-05-12 16:53:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanJust curious...
reeses16: AP/AR means "administrative processing" or "administrative review." If you are under such a designation then the Embassy is making additional "checks" into the person's background, or additional security checks, etc.

As to the original question, my now husband and I met more than once and at those times for long periods of time. And maybe, possibly, that helped us during the visa process, who knows? I agree that it should not be the Embassy's position to dertimine the viability of a relationship, but many cases that is exactly what they are doing. You can have a ton of evidence showing the validity of your relationship as some people have had...but if the CO does not want to LOOK at the evidence then it makes no difference. I have read about so many situations where the CO does not even look at let alone consider the evidence!

That said, I don't think one meeting before filing the K-1 is going to automatically result in a denial or AP/AR, but it seems that with certain consulates that is a distinct possibility. Unfortunately there is no bright line rule in these cases...decisions are made so subjectively!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-05-12 10:16:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMoving to the US from African/non-western cultures
I am enjoying this thread as well! I keep coming back to it to see the latest responses. And I find that since I started reading this thread, I keep asking my husband how the transition has been so far. Now that he's working he seems happy as a clam. He didn't go into a deep depression about the not working and the culture shock, but he did seem not *himself* on some days. When we discussed it on those days, he would say that he felt out of his element. Having felt that myself...I knew exactly what he meant. I had similar experiences when I was in his country for long periods of time. So we have that common bond of feeling like a fish out of water on each other's turf. But I learned just as he is learning that over time things even out and get much better (at least for me they did). That need to understand each other has gone a long way in increasing the bond between us. Didn't mean to get sappy, but I felt the need to share. :D
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-05-30 14:47:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMoving to the US from African/non-western cultures
I think my husband's experience has been much the same as a&o's husband. Many people from his country (as with many other countries) believe that coming to the US or certain places in Europe is like being in El Dorado. However, he has many relatives who are living abroad who told him the real deal before he left. The real deal being that life can be difficult, you need to be patient, and money is not falling out of the sky. He listened and took the advice. But I think even then, he sort of half-expected to be able to make money and contribute right away. And even after he arrived, different Senegalese men talked to him earnestly about what the deal is here. Still in all it took him about two months for reality to set in. It was difficult for him to be sitting around all day, not working, doing nothing. And there is only so much you as the spouse can do, to lift his spirits. However, I do think that during this period, the advice and the talks from other men in his situation started to come back to him. Gradually he just started to accept the current situation.

However now, four months after his arrival, he is really settling in nicely. He has been able to see that it takes a lot to live comfortably here and he realizes that he will probably be closer to his goal of completeing his education and working in his field in about 5 years. Once he accepted the situation I could visibly see the stress lift off his shoulders. He loves to play soccer and that has been not only a stress reliever but also a great way to hook up with some really nice Senegalese guys. Thank GOD for soccer!!!

Southernchic: Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you because every person is different, but I do certainly feel for you. You are in the DC area right? As you know, there is a very large Ethiopian community here. Has your husband been able to find a mentor of sorts?? Someone that might be able to really talk to him and a person your husband would listen to? Maybe that would be a help.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-05-14 09:31:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMy Husband is FINALLy by my side!!!!
Wanted to add my congratulations as well! You have been through a lot. Glad to know the wheels in the system finally turned the right way. :dance:
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-05-05 18:50:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUS Embassy in Dakar-Senegal
My husband went through the Embassy in Dakar as well. You can read my review in the consulates section. I was able to be there for the interview and whether that made the difference in getting the visa I am not sure, but I guess it doesn't hurt. He was approved that day actually and picked up the visa two days later. When we were there, a woman from Sierra Leone also applying for a fiancee visa was approved without her USC fiance at the interview. The USC can be inside the Embassy, but during the interview you will more than likely be asked to sit down while your fiance(e)/husband/wife is interviewed.

I can only base my observations on one day, but both of the COs that day were Americans. There are Senegalese working in other areas of the Embassy but I didn't see any conducting interviews. Although I did see that there were two Senegalese that helped with translations when the interviewee chose to be interviewed in Wolof.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-06-08 07:16:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanTraveling to the US Virgin Islands
My husband and I had our "real" wedding in St. Croix USVI, and we travelled there with just his K-1 visa with no problems. You are still in the US, so as long as he has his GC with him things should be fine! Have a great trip, and let us know how everything went.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-05 10:46:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanThe Desire Of My Heart
Congratulations! There is a lot of goods news coming out of Lagos!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-05 10:43:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanK-1 VISA APPROVED
Congratulations and best wishes for a happy reunion!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-05 10:40:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanAnother K-1 Visa Approval
Congratulations! Sounds like it will be a very exciting time to have your family at your engagement ceremony and then fly home together. Best wishes!!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-14 19:37:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanInterview scheduled!
Congratulations on getting the interview and best wishes to Ombeni during the interview. I am sure that everything will be fine. :thumbs:
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-14 19:33:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUSC ENGAGED TO NIGERIAN
Chispas:

Now it's my turn to apologize. I in no way meant for you to feel bad about sharing your experiences. And I am the last one to reprimand anyone about anything. I value hearing about all experiences, and I really feel that to share all of the experiences in a public forum, good and bad is courageous. Unfortunately the tone of written words can come across not in the way that words do in person. The only intent by my previous comments was just to direct support to Destiny's Journey. Again I apologize for any harsh words that might have been written.

Edited by taurean, 05 July 2007 - 07:28 PM.

taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-05 19:28:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUSC ENGAGED TO NIGERIAN
In all of that I failed to give my support to Destiny's Journey. Hang in there!! You will get through it.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-05 11:10:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUSC ENGAGED TO NIGERIAN
I have to agree with Omoba here. I do feel badly about the outcome of your relatonships. Your advice is probably necessary, but this thread isn't the right place. That said, I am sure that it would very helpful for others to hear of your experiences so as to be aware of what can happen. Destiny's journey in this thread, is looking for support and encouragement, let's provide her with that. :)
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-05 10:51:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUSC ENGAGED TO NIGERIAN
Here's hoping that all goes well with the interview!!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-05-31 08:37:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUSC ENGAGED TO NIGERIAN
Hi Shanon! Welcome to VJ. My husband went through the Embassy in Senegal so if we can be of assistance let me know. There are a few others here that have gone or are going through Senegal as well, hopefully they will chime in later.

Good luck on your journey.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-04-06 20:46:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanfield investigation
Well now that the "field investigation" is over, I am sure the visa approval will follow soon after!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-27 08:31:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanfield investigation
Princess: you must post the details of the field investigation! Seems like the investigator is in for a surprise party of sorts. ;) I am sure everything will be fine and that the visa will be approved soon after!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-24 18:02:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWould you ever...?

I also like the fact that in Nigeria, the kids can still run around and be children. In the US, you have to worry about your 15yr old son being snatched by some pervert let alone your young daughter.

At this point in time, I'm don't think I would move to Nigeria. But I might consider living in Ghana (although it would cause a MAJOR upset in my family if I moved out of the country).


So true, you can't even trust family members with your children here.


This is the main reason I would (at some point) love to move back to Senegal. As probably with most African countries there is still that "it takes a village to raise a child" mindset. And I think Mom and child are so much happier because you are not overwhelmed with the caretaking responsibilites. Plus I LOVE my husband's family and would really like to spend more time with them.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-27 08:25:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHuzzah! Successful interview and visa pick-up!
Congratulations!!! Happy reunion!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-27 08:28:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanWeddings
In the two ceremonies we had, there were both African American and Wolof/Lebou customs. There were kola nuts, beignets, jumping of brooms and traditional dress incorporated through out. We are having another "party" to celebrate our marriage for the folks that couldn't make our other wedding(s) and we are going to have some Senegalese food and the table names will be in either French or Wolof and we are going to play Mbalax (Senegalese music), things like that. Incorporating various cultural wedding traditions is kind of exciting when you think about it. I feel really good about exposing my friends and family to a little taste of Senegal.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-27 08:38:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHow is your SO adjusting?
I guess I can chime in here. My husband has been here for about six months now and the adjustment gets easier everyday. The hardest thing for him was being idle so long waiting for the EAD to come. He's used to working all the time! The adjustment has been so much easier after he started working. The biggest thing he has noticed is the "size" of most Americans. He is amazed that there is food anywhere, anytime, anyplace here. He also thinks everything is SO big. I live in a fairly small state (MD) but when we're driving somewhere, he's like it's SOOOO big!! I have to laugh everytime he says this. :lol: And he swears he will never get a decent haircut here. I think he's ready to sponsor his barber at home to come over and cut his hair!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-07-23 19:12:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOne-way tickets
Lovinliberia: I am happy to know that you were able to get some answers to your questions. I took South African Airways just last year in Nov. and I loved it! Hubby flew SA over here in January and everything went fine. A friend of ours took Delta over to Dakar just in the last few weeks and they lost his luggage. I really think it'####### or miss with any airline these days!

In any case I hope you have a happy reunion! Congratulations on getting this part of the journey behind you.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-08-23 14:33:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHe's here!
Glad to hear that Ombeni made it here safely!! Hopefully he'll beat that malaria bug soon. I know myself about urgent care and a just arrived fiance. But you know what? Our ordeal brought us closer together. As it turns out M was fine, but I was still scared to death! In any case, Ombeni will be just fine. Have a happy reunion!!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-08-24 20:40:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanAPPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is great news! Congratulations to you both!!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-09-17 19:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanLOVINLIBERIA & BOOKER
LL: Best wishes on your reunion and continued happy life together!!! Glad to hear Booker made it here safely.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-09-10 18:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOne month anniversary
QUOTE (Nixz_Chi @ Sep 21 2007, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My SO is not here yet, but I'm reading up on this thread so I can be prepared... wink.gif

I too work a whoooooole lot, and my honey and I have discussed that when he gets here, he probably won't be able to work. He has to take medical exams, and we decided its best that he not work until he pass them. I try to explain how things are here in the U.S. so he won't be totally shell-shocked when he gets here. I also explain to him that he's going to have to get used to me taking care of things financially until he gets on his feet. I told him to battle out all those pride issues before he gets here, because there really won't be much we can do to change that.

My question is....those of you that are experiencing transition issues with your SO....did you all talk about it before hand? When you decided to get married, and decided to have your SO migrate to the U.S., weren't these scenarios discussed? When I decided to get married, that's the first thing that popped in my head - my SO and his transition to a whole new country. I understand that talk and action are two totally different things - especially in marriage. But why wouldn't these things be discussed before hand?

I read someone's post where they mentioned being a mother figure to their husband who just arrived in U.S. -- uhhhh maybe that's not the best approach or analogy. Mothers have somewhat of an authoritative role....don't wanna come off that way to ur husband...u guys should be equals. If my fiance walked around acting like he was a father figure to me, I might get a bit defensive....but hey...what do I know...according to USCIS, he's nowhere near being here yet....


I wanted to respond to the issue raised above regarding becoming a "mother" figure to your fiance/spouse after he arrives in the US. I appreciate where the thought is coming from, but sometimes not becoming the mother figure is easier said than done. I really never thought I had it in me to "mother" anyone, let alone my husband. I even made a conscious effort NOT to play the mother role after he arrived. Talked to myself, GOD, friends extensively about the situation before hand. But guess what? All of what I was trying not to be came to the surface. It's a natural thing that happens when you are faced with helping someone you love dearly to adjust. I did feel I was doing everything for my husband down to the littlest things like ordering food in a restaurant and to be honest somedays I was just plain tired! However, I felt I had no choice at that time. There was nothing authoritative in my intent, but I swear the mothering instict just came out of nowhere!! And yes, I think the mothering gene sort of changed the dynamic of our relationship in the sense that I didn't see that same "capability" as I did when we met in his country and spent time there day to day. However, as time has gone on, and my husband has become more independent, my instict to mother him has lessened a lot. And the dynamic that was in place back at the beginning of our relationship has shifted back to the way it was.

In addition, we talked extensively about the situation of living in this country. While my husband appreciated the talks and probably soaked up a lot of what I was saying, the reality didn't set in for him until after he arrived. And still he needed to talk with some other Senegalese men who lived here to really understand how life here is different. Once he really looked at the situation here, cost of living, etc. and accepted it, then his entire outlook changed.

All I can say to those waiting for their SOs to arrive or those who are in the beginning stages, just be prepared for the unexpected. Nothing is going to be like you thought it would be, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Just do all you can to make the adjustment as easy as possible. And hold on to your faith, it will make it easier to get through the tough times.
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-09-30 15:47:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanTAUREAN
Sabine....I really don't know what to say except maybe "you're welcome." Like I told you earlier, this is what people are supposed to do, at least Moussa and I feel that way. I hope I don't sound corny, but folks are supposed to help each other right??? In any case, we (me, my husband, my brother-in-law and our dear friend) all feel blessed to be able to be there to help you and Stephen! What you didn't say in your post is that you encouraged us and others despite all the drama in your own case. You deserve some good things coming your way.

Edited by taurean, 03 October 2007 - 04:49 PM.

taureanFemaleSenegal2007-10-03 16:46:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanDisappearing from VJ...
It's wonderful to know that you two are doing well. Best wishes!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-06-05 07:33:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanNANA IS HERE....
Happy to know you had a good reunion. Best wishes on your continued journey!!
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-10-15 18:20:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanRemoving from this journey
discerned: I am VERY sorry to hear about everything. I am praying for your strength during this time. {{{hugs}}}
taureanFemaleSenegal2007-10-15 18:21:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanNo Work Lots Of Love
Akatagirl and Zainab: stated my feelings exactly only more beautifully and tactfully than I could have. If you are considering taking this big of a step (i.e., marrying this man and starting the process to bring him to the States) then I suggest going to Senegal first to meet with him in person, spend some time together and make sure the timing is right. In the meantime I suggest researching here even more and learning all you can about the visa process so that you can know for yourself. Good luck to you!

Edited: also meant to ask is your S.O. in Senegal or Guinea-Bissau? You said in your post that he is in Senegal, but you have the flag from Guinea-Bissau in your profile. Just curious.

Edited by taurean, 02 November 2007 - 03:18 PM.

taureanFemaleSenegal2007-11-02 15:15:00