Forum	Title	Content	Member	Sex	Country	Date/Time
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	I-751 question - help please :)	Hi, I was married to a US citizen, I am Australian. We moved to the USA in April 2002 and in March 2004 I filed I-751. However I filed this on my own as my marriage ended in divorce in Feb 2004 (date the divorce came through). I've been waiting nearly 2 years and finally I have been called for an interview in Los Angeles. I have loads of info to support my claim our marriage was legitimate, as it was. I have joints bank statements, investments, mortgage paperwork, copies of our wills from that period, photos and cards from family from that period. Since my divorce I have been travelling extensively and have now started studying. Can anyone give me feedback on what sort of questions they may ask me now that I am divorced? Am I just proving our marriage was legit or is there other thing I should be aware of? Thanks. Yes, the focus will be on determining through evidence that you entered the marriage with bona fide intent and fully intended to share a life together. Evidence to demonstrate that you co-mingled your financial and social affairs, lived together (if applicable) and held yourselves out as a married couple while you were married. What about tax returns? Don't forget to take your divorce decree too.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-01-31 20:22:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Lawyers are a waiste of time and money!	PLEEEEASE do NOT ever liken an attorney for a surgeon. A surgeon must study very difficult pre-med material in undergrad where a lawyer can major in gymnastics and still get into law school. Law school is just reading and evaluating, med school is much more difficult that law school by far! A lawyer is nowhere NEAR as competent as a surgeon... I wasn't comparing them, I was saying that in both disciplines you get the thorough and the not so thorough. Not to mention the fact that fellow JDs might consider your summary of their preparation a little less than complimentary.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-01-31 22:32:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Lawyers are a waiste of time and money!	That is why zyggy is correct for basic functions; like fill out forms, mailing documents, gathering information from their client, etc, they suck most of the time because this is not what they study for, that is their thinking. They just like the easy money part of it. Where they shine if they somewhat value their jobs is in courts, litigations, problem solving, etc. This is not right but it is how it is. No one is going to put time and effort that the actual people involve in it, unless you are paying six figures. There are knowledgeable VJ members that can help you with almost every part of the process. Good luck, Peter Miami I liken immigration attorneys to physicians or surgeons. Most are very well educated, most are well-informed, many are superb, but all are only as good as the information they receive and the time they afford each case. Some are overworked, some don't keep abreast of changes due to that or to not having a compelling need to keep abreast. For every 100 surgeons that save a life, there's one buffoon that leaves a pair of forceps inside a patient. It's just a fact of life and the demands of the profession, unfortunately. The best thing to do if engaging an attorney is to advise him/her right off the bat that you will be checking in and wanting to know what, why and how. It'll keep him/her on his feet and you'll feel like you have some control in the process.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-01-31 18:24:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	How can i prove ongoing relationship ?	Our landlady wrote a brief statement about our cohabitation. And what a statement it was! Another case of those terribly thin walls, eh She's very modest (I should mention for clarity that the buildings there are all poured concrete, so hardly thin, ahem.) Oh! Conrete. hmmm. So it was at a much higher decibel, then!	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-02-02 16:50:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	How can i prove ongoing relationship ?	Our landlady wrote a brief statement about our cohabitation. And what a statement it was! Another case of those terribly thin walls, eh	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-02-02 16:18:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Unique Situation?	First of all you cannot file for a fiance visa until her divorce is final. Second it is considered visa fraud to intentionally get married on a visitors visa. Wouldn't that presume that she got her visa during our first meeting? She obtained her visa well before we ever met, she got it in Feburary 2005 before I even knew she existed. She was visiting a cousin in New Jersey. I certainly don't want to do something that would revoke her right to stay here, but the situation is that her divorce might take up to 3 years to become final (ecuadorian courts are very messed up). Thanks for your advice. Each entry to the USA is considered, regardless of how long or how many visits the visa permits. 3 years is a long time. Have you looked into the possibility of her attending University in the USA? It might give her an opportunity to be here and more time to tie up loose ends with her divorce.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-02-05 17:36:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	I-134 Affidavit of Support	Hey guys! I have been getting worried about this paper I received from the consulate in Brazil. The paper outlines the guidelines for the person that files the affidavit and I'm a little confused on the tax return part. It states: "If the petitioner has not yet filed a federal income tax return for the most recent year, then tax returns from the three years prior to the most recent year must be submitted and the extension filed for the last year's income tax." Well, I have my co-sponsor's last 3 years of tax returns (2002, '03, and '04, but I don't have the return for 2005 because they haven't filed yet). Is it really necessary to have the extension? Can anyone give me some advise on this? Has anybody gone through this in Rio? Please let me know as our interview date is approaching rapidly and I need to resolve this issue. Thanks for your help!! Andy 2005 is not due until April 15, so there can be no extension form for it. After April 15, 2006 then an extension would be required, according to those instructions. That's the way I read it.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-02-07 21:46:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	tax return trouble	julmo, If she does get denied, it won't be because the copy of the tax return wasn't notarized. Yodrak i sent packet of to fiancee and i didn't have my tax return notorized will she get denied. Peter Miami, The DoS instructions for evidence that may be submitted to meet the public charge provisions of the law does say that copies of tax returns should be notarized. However, I've never heard of anyone having a problem with submitting copies that were not notarized. By the way - you may be a CPA, but you are not a DoS consular officer. They have their own set of rules to follow. Yodrak Hi Julmo, Tax Returns are never notarized! Who told you that? I am a Certified Public Accountant (C.P.A.). So you will not get denied because of that. Good luck, Peter Miami Although I'm not doubting that tax returns can be motarised, I'm just wondering what the notary is notarising ~ that the tax return was signed by the same person presenting an ID before him/her?	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-02-08 19:41:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	divorce..need help	yes, i was reading the papers. it just hit me about the waiting period. it has already make it thru noa1 and noa2.. its interview time now. I'd presume that any cooling off period, after decree final, works to inhibit a marriage certificate from being issued. Does the divorce decree state this time period in the language of the Judgment? These statutes are under state jurisdiction, and if it is not mentioned in the decree I doubt the consulate would be any the wiser.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-03-15 19:56:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Procedures	Canadian marrying a US Citizen - K1?	If you get married on the Spur of the Moment you can file for I-130 AOS and EAD all at the same time... you do not have to return to your own country as the I-130 will not be approved before the AOS... they are delt with at the same time.... Kezzie hunh, where'd that phrase get resurrected from? Funny, when you google/group it, it comes back to a very familiar thread..... It probably degenerates into a horrible fight, but there is a lot of good info there, still. I didn't bother to "google/group" it (too lazy, if truth be known) but I must say that this conversation made me think of an Old Friend . Frankly, if the immigration attorney the OP consulted did advise her to do what she posed in her question, his shingle should be made into kindling.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2006-05-05 17:13:00
Middle East and North Africa	My Husband's Father was Deported Yesterday	QUOTE (Maggie724 @ Jul 12 2008, 11:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 12 2008, 05:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 12 2008, 08:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 12 2008, 07:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (allousa @ Jul 10 2008, 01:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Keep in mind that his father is 70 and mother 65 and only his father speaks a very small amount of English. Is it at all possible that your FIL misunderstood a line of questioning in secondary inspection, that precipitated the CBP agents to believe that he was misusing his visa? Techically, this is expedited removal, rather than deportation, btw. I don't see how anything her FIL could have said made him deserve that kind of treatment. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. It is something I would expect of some other countries, but I would like to think we are better than that. I'm not condoning any harsh punishment, but expedited removal is a privilege afforded border agents to remove aliens that they have reason to believe are either misusing a document, or have counterfeit documents, or are otherwise inadmissible. Placing an alien in detention is customary, albeit, I would not wish to spend the night in jail, I can't imagine being in jail for any reason would be pleasant. The issue here is to find out why the CBP thought her FIL was not entitled to enter. Once that information is ascertained, it may or may not shed light onto whether his treatment was out of ordinary. I cannot even begin to fathom your line of thinking here. IF the FIL said something 'incriminating' why could the patrol officers not tell the son why his father was being deported? Of even more concern is since it was probably obvious that the FIL didn't speak good english, why not allow some translator to make sure he understood. There is NO reason for the treatment this poor man received. I don't know Allousa personally but I'm ready to spit nails over this whole thing. Utterly embarassed to be a citizen of a country that allows this nonsense. How in God's name do these people sleep with themselves at night??? I hope you are able to get some resolution Allousa. I know no amount of anything is going to make this go away, but at least knowing what happened that started the incident will give you some closure. Knowing that your FIL spent a night in jail for nothing....grrrrrrr. I cannot "fathom" your willingness to jump to extremes without further information! Why would the CBP be obliged to inform the son of their actions? Is that a requirement? I believe that a translator was engaged, if I read the information offered properly. Whether the FIL understood the consequences of his choices (if any) or his answers doesn't simply rest on whether a translation was accurate. It could simply have been that he was unaware of what could render him inadmissible. Again, we don't know, but to jump to condemning the USA without specific facts is equally as irresponsible, in my opinion.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-13 11:52:00
Middle East and North Africa	My Husband's Father was Deported Yesterday	QUOTE (allousa @ Jul 12 2008, 09:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 12 2008, 08:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 12 2008, 08:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 12 2008, 07:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (allousa @ Jul 10 2008, 01:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Keep in mind that his father is 70 and mother 65 and only his father speaks a very small amount of English. Is it at all possible that your FIL misunderstood a line of questioning in secondary inspection, that precipitated the CBP agents to believe that he was misusing his visa? Techically, this is expedited removal, rather than deportation, btw. I don't see how anything her FIL could have said made him deserve that kind of treatment. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. It is something I would expect of some other countries, but I would like to think we are better than that. I'm not condoning any harsh punishment, but expedited removal is a privilege afforded border agents to remove aliens that they have reason to believe are either misusing a document, or have counterfeit documents, or are otherwise inadmissible. Placing an alien in detention is customary, albeit, I would not wish to spend the night in jail, I can't imagine being in jail for any reason would be pleasant. The issue here is to find out why the CBP thought her FIL was not entitled to enter. Once that information is ascertained, it may or may not shed light onto whether his treatment was out of ordinary. The fact that this was their 4th time visiting, I have a hard time understanding what reason they could have come up with to deny him entry. Also, his mother was given entry and they filed for and were granted visas at the same time. Also, the documents they presented to German officials upon entry in were in order. Even the German officials were confused as to why his father was turned away! I just wonder how you would feel about your father spending a night in jail in a foreign land where he didn't speak the language. The issue here is also the complete abuse of their authority. Why was it necessary to keep us all detained for such a long period of time when there were no other people being interviewed? Why was it necessary to continually lie to us, yell at us and treat us so harshly? Why was it necessary to not even inform us why his father was being detained and then removed? How can you deem this "ordinary" treatment??????? Really? 4th time visiting *could* indicate immigrant intent, if other evidence to assure that there isn't immigrant intent was not offered, no? Also, I am not deeming this "ordinary" treatment. Without more facts as to the specific line of questioning, the answers, implied or uttered, and all of the outrage from this unfortunate incident is simply emotional and not based upon examining whether CBP or DHS abused their authority. I would not like anyone to spend a night in jail, unnecessarily, but as we have said, we do not know the details yet. When all details are shared is the appropriate time to react. Until then it is simply premature. Normally, and again I dont know if this was a normal expedited removal situation, if an alien presents himself at a border for inspection, if the CBP have good reason to suspect that either documents are incomplete, not legitimate, or documents that are being presented are being misused, they will advise the alien and offer the alien an opportunity to withdraw his request for admission. In situations where CBP does not consider an alien applicant admissible, (for example if CBP finds evidence of immigrant intent or more especially if in a prior attempt to enter the CP cuationed the applicant that it appeared there migth be immigrant intent, yet the applicant arrives at the border once more), CBP might prepare a formal statement of the refusal on Form I-275, Withdrawal of Application for Admission/Consular Notification, and Form I-877, Record of Sworn Statement in Administrative Proceedings. By preparing these documents CBP is essentially offering the alien the opportunity to withdraw his or her application for admission rather than face the more severe repercussions as being placed in expedited removal or being detained for a removal hearing before an immigration judge. If this option is offered to the alien, the applicant who withdraws his or her application for admission is not considered formally removed. As result, the immigration laws do not prohibit an applicant from reapplying despite previously withdrawing an application. Once again, we do not know the details, but if it was a case of the FIL having received some difficulty in a prior visit, that was in essence a caution, it is recommended that these aliens consult with an attorney before going back to the border to avoid further damaging their case and reduce the risk of being subject to expedited removal. Without knowing the context of his questioning, or the specific reason noted on his passport for refusal of entry...we are speculating. It could have been a simple technicality that rendered him inadmissible. For example, say the MIL and he carried current passports, but your FIL's passport expired in less than 6 months, it would be appropriate to detain him and not her. Refusal doesn't *have* to be a case of clear profiling or discrimination as your outrage currently implies. Of course, the decision whether to allow an alien to withdraw is solely within the discretion of the inspecting officer and CBP may issue an expedited removal order, rather than permit withdrawal, where the applicant engaged in obvious, deliberate fraud, (i.e. the presentation of counterfeit or fraudulent documents). Furthermorw, if the facts of the case indicate particularly egregious immigration violations, such as long-term or repeated previous overstays, unauthorized employment in the United States, or evidence that the applicant is likely to remain beyond his or her authorized stay or otherwise violate his or her status, an expedited removal order may be issued. Again, we don't know the specifics. With a language barrier, ait is conceivable that the FIL was not aware of the complexity and repercussions of his answers, or it might have been a case of his not knowing the answer, or not knowing that the answer he offered was one that would generate such a reaction. Be aware that an order for expedited removal could carry a five-year bar to reentry to the country if the alien presented him or herself at the border without proper documentation (INA § 212 (a) (7) (A)), and if it is believed that the alien engaged in misrepresentation/fraud (INA § 212 (a) (6) ©) the alien can be considered inadmissible for life.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-13 11:46:00
Middle East and North Africa	My Husband's Father was Deported Yesterday	QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 12 2008, 08:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 12 2008, 07:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (allousa @ Jul 10 2008, 01:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Keep in mind that his father is 70 and mother 65 and only his father speaks a very small amount of English. Is it at all possible that your FIL misunderstood a line of questioning in secondary inspection, that precipitated the CBP agents to believe that he was misusing his visa? Techically, this is expedited removal, rather than deportation, btw. I don't see how anything her FIL could have said made him deserve that kind of treatment. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. It is something I would expect of some other countries, but I would like to think we are better than that. I'm not condoning any harsh punishment, but expedited removal is a privilege afforded border agents to remove aliens that they have reason to believe are either misusing a document, or have counterfeit documents, or are otherwise inadmissible. Placing an alien in detention is customary, albeit, I would not wish to spend the night in jail, I can't imagine being in jail for any reason would be pleasant. The issue here is to find out why the CBP thought her FIL was not entitled to enter. Once that information is ascertained, it may or may not shed light onto whether his treatment was out of ordinary.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-12 19:42:00
Middle East and North Africa	My Husband's Father was Deported Yesterday	QUOTE (allousa @ Jul 10 2008, 01:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Keep in mind that his father is 70 and mother 65 and only his father speaks a very small amount of English. Is it at all possible that your FIL misunderstood a line of questioning in secondary inspection, that precipitated the CBP agents to believe that he was misusing his visa? Techically, this is expedited removal, rather than deportation, btw.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-12 19:04:00
Middle East and North Africa	Welcome to Sunday ~ MENA ~	QUOTE (brnidokiegurl @ Jul 13 2008, 06:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'll be back to make sure you're all being good dont see thats any concern of yours either Oh, but it is if I am the subject matter, now isn't it? Rebeccajo, yeah, I guess you could say I am a glutton for tempests in teacups	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-13 17:48:00
Middle East and North Africa	Welcome to Sunday ~ MENA ~	There's always someone that is wanting to stir the pot! As you were...but now this forum is in my favourites. I'll be back to make sure you're all being good.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-13 17:36:00
Middle East and North Africa	Welcome to Sunday ~ MENA ~	QUOTE (brnidokiegurl @ Jul 13 2008, 05:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> and at this point who cares, lawyers are usually known to be jerks (arent they) It's usually those that need them that think that way	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-13 17:06:00
Middle East and North Africa	Update on My FIL's Expedited Removal	QUOTE (allousa @ Jul 30 2008, 09:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 30 2008, 07:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> If he is eligible to reapply for a visa, it sounds as if it was neither a "deportation" nor "expedited removal". Are you sure your FIL didn't simply withdraw his application for admission, after all? I know that he never requested to leave and never signed any documents either. To be honest, we aren't sure of anything because they never told us the reason or classified it so to speak. They just told us that my MIL was free to go but that my FIL was not allowed to enter and was being sent back. When we would ask questions to the officers asking them why he was not allowed entry, they would tell me and my husband that because of privacy laws they could not disclose that information to us and that we needed to ask my FIL. I even explained to them that my FIL didn't know or didn't understand but they refused to release any information. If they considered his application withdrawn, do you know if they would have required him to sign a document and give him a copy of this? My understanding is that he would have signed something. Withdrawal procedures. If, after obtaining supervisory concurrence in accordance with local procedures, you decide to permit an applicant to withdraw, complete the necessary paperwork. Once an applicant is granted permission to withdraw, prepare Form I-275, Withdrawal of Application for Admission/Consular Notification. The I-275 must clearly state the reasons for inadmissibility in the remarks block. A sworn statement should be taken and attached to the I-275. If the alien is inadmissible under section 212(a)(6)© or (7) and would have been subject to expedited removal if not permitted to withdraw, the sworn statement should be taken using Form I-867A&B. Check any appropriate boxes on the I-275. The alien must sign the I-275, acknowledging that the action is entirely voluntary. The alien should be given a copy of the I-275 and any sworn statement taken, unless the Form I-275 contains classified or sensitive information. Prepare and serve an I-259 on the appropriate carrier to effect removal. Complete the I-94, endorsing both sections with: ''WD - Application for Ad-mission Withdrawn. (Stamp number), (Port), and (Date).'' On the reverse of the I-94, indicate the file number, if appropriate, in Block 20. In Block 26, under Itinerary/Comments, write the grounds of inadmissibility, and ''I-275 served. To be removed via (flight number) on (date)''. Also include removal flight information on the front of the departure portion of the I-94. Cancel the nonimmigrant visa, and note the visa page ''22 CFR 41.122(h)(3).'' In a case where the alien may, through ignorance, bad advice, or misinformation, have inadvertently arrived with inadequate documents or an improper visa, and there was no fraud involved and you are satisfied that the alien will depart in order to comply with admissibility requirements, a visa may be left intact for future use. Prepare a packet in a sealed envelope for immigration officials in the country to which the alien is being returned, containing the alien's travel document and a copy of the Form I-275 or other relevant information that may be needed by the immigration officials in the ongoing country. Where practical, advise INS offices overseas by phone or fax of aliens moving through their jurisdiction. Forward the original of the I-275 and sworn statement to the consulate where the visa was issued. Route the arrival I-94 for data entry and deliver the departure I-94 to the carrier to be submitted with other departure I-94s for the outbound flight. Maintain a copy of all relating documents, including the pertinent passport pages and other evidence at the port of arrival for 6 months. (d)--Return transportation arrangements. An alien who is permitted to withdraw must depart immediately from the United States, or as soon as return transportation can be arranged. If the alien arrived at an airport or seaport, arrange for departure on the next available transportation either back to the country where the alien boarded the flight or vessel, or to another country if the alien is entitled to enter that country. In instances where the alien is being returned to a third country through a foreign transit point, every possible effort must be made to ensure that an immediate and continuous transit will be ensured. If the alien does not have either a return ticket or the carrier has not otherwise agreed to transport the alien, removal proceedings should be instituted. If the alien has an open ticket, make sure satisfactory confirmed return transportation arrangements are made. This article is an interesting read: http://www.ilw.com/a...,0810-shea.shtm	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-30 21:28:00
Middle East and North Africa	Update on My FIL's Expedited Removal	If he is eligible to reapply for a visa, it sounds as if it was neither a "deportation" nor "expedited removal". Are you sure your FIL didn't simply withdraw his application for admission, after all?	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-07-30 18:10:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Sep 1 2008, 10:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Sep 1 2008, 10:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Sep 1 2008, 10:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 10:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> yea.......bro show some respect. Yes DM it looks to be a one-sided conversation, his IM's to her. So maybe not a violation of TOS? jJ i just don't get what the point of all of this is. maybe it's just me, but it's like he's trying to salvage his reputation somehow by all of this. why this is important is beyond me. I think, and it's only from my perspective, he's trying to get a message to his SO. Perhaps all lines of other communication have been shut down! Sad. Really sad. i'm sure she got the message. the question is, when is he going to get the message? now off to go look up what "stalker" means. He appears distraught, I agree. Beyond that, we can only speculate what went on. But there's an ocean between them, and from what I can see he has limited access online in his country. Everyone that has been forced to face an unpleasant ending deserves to know what occurred and what brought it to that point. It's part of accepting. I hope his SO will not ignore his plea. perhaps, but sometimes people know more than they let on. it's over, time to move on, and being on vj won't help with that process. Spoken like a true member of the opposite sex "Move on" does not compute in the female mind as it might in many men's. maybe, but odai is a guy. You! He is too, but I said "many" men. Not all!	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:33:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (Y_habibitk @ Sep 1 2008, 10:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Sep 1 2008, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Y_habibitk @ Sep 1 2008, 10:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 09:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Reported (and i very rarely use that button) jJ Curious, for the private convo thing? It would be against the TOS to post another person's contribution in a private conversation without their express consent. In this case, it appears to be only Odai's IMs. I guess Im lost, I didnt see anything like that posted. Thanks for answering though I just feel bad for all parties involved and it makes me pretty sad that everyone keeps this going without any compassion for the OP's feelings. Posting bits and pieces of what is "privately" known about the situation is only making matters worse IMHO. If people dont want to read the OP's threads, dont open them. :surely going to get attacked for this one: lol Lisa I agree with that.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:32:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Sep 1 2008, 10:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Sep 1 2008, 10:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 10:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> yea.......bro show some respect. Yes DM it looks to be a one-sided conversation, his IM's to her. So maybe not a violation of TOS? jJ i just don't get what the point of all of this is. maybe it's just me, but it's like he's trying to salvage his reputation somehow by all of this. why this is important is beyond me. I think, and it's only from my perspective, he's trying to get a message to his SO. Perhaps all lines of other communication have been shut down! Sad. Really sad. i'm sure she got the message. the question is, when is he going to get the message? now off to go look up what "stalker" means. He appears distraught, I agree. Beyond that, we can only speculate what went on. But there's an ocean between them, and from what I can see he has limited access online in his country. Everyone that has been forced to face an unpleasant ending deserves to know what occurred and what brought it to that point. It's part of accepting. I hope his SO will not ignore his plea. perhaps, but sometimes people know more than they let on. it's over, time to move on, and being on vj won't help with that process. Spoken like a true member of the opposite sex "Move on" does not compute in the female mind as it might in many men's.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:29:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (rahma @ Sep 1 2008, 10:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Just an observation, this board has traditionally been pretty hard on the male half of MENA couples. It can be overwhelming enough to discuss something in your second language, but to have half a dozen posters ganging up on you is really tough. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. What one wants to say may come across and harsh or garbled when you're trying to put your feelings out there in a language that you're not 100% comfortable in. I concur with this. Emotional turmoil, and a second language to boot. This matter should be resolved by the parties involved. We can only offer support and encouragement.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:27:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (Y_habibitk @ Sep 1 2008, 10:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 09:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Reported (and i very rarely use that button) jJ Curious, for the private convo thing? It would be against the TOS to post another person's contribution in a private conversation without their express consent. In this case, it appears to be only Odai's IMs.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:23:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Sep 1 2008, 10:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 10:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> yea.......bro show some respect. Yes DM it looks to be a one-sided conversation, his IM's to her. So maybe not a violation of TOS? jJ i just don't get what the point of all of this is. maybe it's just me, but it's like he's trying to salvage his reputation somehow by all of this. why this is important is beyond me. I think, and it's only from my perspective, he's trying to get a message to his SO. Perhaps all lines of other communication have been shut down! Sad. Really sad. i'm sure she got the message. the question is, when is he going to get the message? now off to go look up what "stalker" means. He appears distraught, I agree. Beyond that, we can only speculate what went on. But there's an ocean between them, and from what I can see he has limited access online in his country. Everyone that has been forced to face an unpleasant ending deserves to know what occurred and what brought it to that point. It's part of accepting. I hope his SO will not ignore his plea.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:19:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (charles! @ Sep 1 2008, 10:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 10:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> yea.......bro show some respect. Yes DM it looks to be a one-sided conversation, his IM's to her. So maybe not a violation of TOS? jJ i just don't get what the point of all of this is. maybe it's just me, but it's like he's trying to salvage his reputation somehow by all of this. why this is important is beyond me. I think, and it's only from my perspective, he's trying to get a message to his SO. Perhaps all lines of other communication have been shut down! Sad. Really sad.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:14:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	Come on guys. It's not funny. This is sad. While I think that this issue could be best handled through private conversation with his SO, perhaps his SO is not offering that opportunity. I feel for the guy, no matter what happened.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:10:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 09:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Is posting private conversations a violation of TOS? Looks like it was a one-sided conversation, though.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:05:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (Odai and Kristen @ Sep 1 2008, 09:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> To be honest with you all these are the things that lead up to what happened. I will also add the emails I sent her but I need you all to understand the stress I was in and I was worried about her.I missed her like crazy, I had a fight with my family, I had been majorly stressed out, I was attacked and kicked in my head, bleeding and I told her all these reasons and said I was sorry about a million times. Which I swear to god I am. I sent her an email telling her I was online and she couldn't come online for just 5 minutes to talk to me about my day.I even didnt tell her my situation in the mail i sent , because i know she will be Driving the car , so wont her get confused and worry then she cant focus on driving ! I was upset and said some things I did not mean. Which I am sure everyone here has done more than once, but because of these things I said she has decided to end a 14 month relationship When we were so close to being together forever and becoming married. Here are the emails I sent. ***** I am saying Details now and privacy stuff . Because peoples here dont understand how i was that night and how was my situation ! Yes I already know I was mean and said some not nice things. What I want from all of you is to tell me if you all think that this is worth losing my one true love over? thanks It's sad to see someone distraught over a relationship, and still confused as to what exactly went wrong. Frankly, it is usually a serious of issues that mounts up over time and culminates in one party deciding that these are inidicia of problems that might be too large to overcome. It is normally not just one isolated incident, but a series of little ones that start to place cracks in the glue that keeps two people together. It's normal to want closure after being close to another person for a long time; to want to know what, specifically, caused a relationship to fail. But you can't compel another to provide it. Hopefully, if the relationship was strong at one time, and there was legitimate love shared with you from another, the answers to your questions will be offered once the emotional upheaval has subsided. Be strong.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 21:00:00
Middle East and North Africa	Is it just the distance, or is it something more...	QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Sep 1 2008, 08:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Deb, with all due respect, she has her reasons. I have talked with both of them at length. I have seen the reason she has ended this engagement. She is well within her right to NOT let this man on America soil. Odai is contacting MANY of us in pm to help his cause with Kristen. His interview would have been in 3 weeks. He is understandably sad, scared, confused and desparate. He was nice as pie to me when he wanted me to help in getting Kristen to talk to him. When he realized it was over, he turned on me. Kristen has not shared here the reason why it is over, but I can tell you this.....I am the romantic on VJ. If there is even a sliver of a doubt, I'm all for working things out. After seeing the proof from ODAI himself.....I don't think there is snowballs chance in hell she will take him back and I don't blame her for minute. If this would have happened to me, I can honestly say I would hope I would have the courage to run in the opposite direction. I support Kristens decision. It is the only one she could have made given the circumstances. Of course she still cares about him, a one year relationship doesn't just go away overnight, but in this case, the right choice was made. Jackie I can empathise with a feeling of being cut off from discussion about someting as significant as the potential for sharing or not sharing a life together. In situations like this, it is best to leave any discussion pertaining to the "finality" of a decision to the individual parties involved. That said, it doesn't render the OP (in this case, Odai) to not posting on this forum. This forum is about offering support, no? Support for people that might be dealing with disappointment, no matter whether it is resulting from a decision made for the best, or a decision made for other reasons. If a member wishes not to do so, he or she should simply state such. I think that contacting people through PM isn't unreasonable, as long as people who prefer not to be contacted to express that, and the one who is making contact respect that request.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-01 13:40:00
Middle East and North Africa	Worried (like always)	Coming from a person that knows little to nothing about your tradition, it appears you are creating your own sense if hypocrisy. If being around alcohol without the hijab causes internal conflict, work in a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol. Seems simple to me. QUOTE (babyeshell @ Sep 7 2008, 12:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I know serving food isn't Haram. But there will be wine and beer, and I will be sans hijab. I guess thats the biggest issue I am facing. It's hard to explain if you don't wear it.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-09-07 11:38:00
Middle East and North Africa	what's wrong with getting married during the first trip?	Only you can really know what your husband's real intentions were, but from an outsider's perspective, there are very few alien's intent on perpetrating marriage fraud that will even conscion extending the family. By design or accident. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Nov 1 2008, 10:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Olivia* @ Oct 28 2008, 01:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Pattu Rani @ Oct 28 2008, 11:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Olivia* @ Oct 28 2008, 02:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Pattu Rani @ Oct 28 2008, 11:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (morocco4ever @ Oct 28 2008, 12:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I had known my husband (online) for almost a year when I flew out and married him. I had spent a lot of time online with him, and knew him pretty well. I knew that it would take some time to get the approval for marriage, which would give me a chance to see if he was the same person online as he was offline. It turns out that he was, and we have been married for 4 years now. So it worked for us. So can it work? Yes. Does it always work? No. Now from an immigration stand point. I think it was PB that stated that you have to look at this as a legal matter. I have to agree. It ticks me off that it has to be viewed that way, but who are we to fight immigration? So it is best to play the game their way. Just some background information. We met online in November of 2003. My first trip out there was when we married October of 04. He had his interview in August of 05. He was denied a visa, and the petition was sent back to the USCIS with the recommendation of a revokation of our petition. The USCIS sent us a Notice of Intent to Revoke stating the following reasons: 1-Had just met in person, and got married 2-Had a small ceremony 3-No relatives and friends were at the wedding (This one was untrue) I don't believe that these are the real reasons that we were denied, but it gave them a valid reason to deny the visa. The bottom line is this. Perhaps if you marry on the first trip you will get the visa easy. Perhaps you will be denied. It is up to you how to handle it. If you take your time and get engaged, then make a second trip for the marriage it will increase your chances of having the visa approved on the first interview. If you choose to get married the first trip then it will increase your chance for a denial. The total time it took us to get the visa, from the initial petition, was 2 years, and this would have been considered quick for a denial. You can do as you please, you don't owe it to any of us to do it one way or the other. But on the other hand if things don't go well at least we all know that we gave you the best advice that we could. Wow, they actually used the fact that you had a small ceremony against you???? So everyone is supposed to blow a ton of money or if you don't have a lot of money to begin with (as in our case) then it's fraud????? Boyoboyoboy, I should have pulled the Bridezilla act then and demanded a huge reception at the Yak & Yeti not to mention a big diamond from my hubby - I only have a silver ring so he is only out for the GC...sheesh.... We have 2 out of 3 on your list - we technically met in '06, called and emailed a few times but don't have any evidence before marriage(were not thinking it would go so far) so it's going to look as if we married right after we met, and we had a small ceremony, though his family was there and we have photos. I am scared... we are at NVC now and getting our stuff together, will be paying the IV Fee bill on Thursday. I will be having cataract surgery soon(on my one good eye) and am telling myself I won't worry about this visa mess until I get through surgery - my appointment with my Optho to set the date is on Friday... I can only deal with one crisis at a time... Well since you've been married you've gone to see him several times so I think that's going to help you guys. I hope you're right, Olivia... I am thinking we should have his family write a letter documenting that they have known me since '06, maybe that would help to make up for the lack of evidence before marriage?? Yes I read that in the guides you can get these kinds of letter from friends and family stating they've known it was a bonifided relationship since whatever date and have it notarized. Then there are those of us who sailed through the interview, got the visa with no ap and the husband was commiting marriage fraud.. I am one of them , My husband got no trouble whatsover and was full of ####	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-11-02 20:10:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	Hanging in there, You're right. You know it all. I know nothing. I am abusive to recommend that you consider medication. Yet you can suggest it to another member and that's what, "Being supportive and caring"?. You are the only on on here that has enured grief of unfathomable levels. You are the only one that has been abandoned. You are the only one that has buried a child. You are the only one that has been forced to face it all alone. You You You I'm sorry to be emphatic, but it is your resistance to accept another's point of view or perception that forces me to tell it like it is. I am inexcusable in my recommendations, yet you are not. I am really sorry for the events that have occurred in your life of recent weeks. Really I am. Sometimes, however, one has to wake up and see things for what they are. I hope your reconciliation attempts work. I do. I believe that if this is what you wish to do, then in order for you to be successful in your quest, you need to begin to look at things realistically. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 16 2008, 03:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Dec 16 2008, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You have just proven to me that my recommendation is more apt than I suspected before. You have no circle of individuals, close enough to you to see a change in demeanor in you, and as such, your view of how you are is the only one you can work with. Once again I will say, that without polling every member on this forum, you are operating on your perception of what each and every one of us as had to endure. I don\\'t wish to hammer the point, but what do you know of any of us? Don\\'t be ridiculous! My comment on the variety of reasons why you felt abandoned by your family and husband during this crisis was to indicate to you that there might be other factors in play. You have just confirmed that fact, and yet you had expectations of each and everyone of them that were unrealistic given the information you have finally shared. I am sorry your family has been essentially dysfunctional. It is difficult to handle what you have, even with a healthy family nearby. Add to that a family that has its own set of issues and that can make it practically imposssible to get the supportyou might have needed. Yet, in each and every post you\\'ve made in the last few weeks you appeared very clearly distressed that certain members never stepped up to the plate when they were needed. Sadly, that is the product of a set of expectation that you have of others that might simply be unrealistic. I have read most of your posts during this crisis. I don\\'t recall everything, but I don\\'t recall seeing that your husband attended 5 counseling sessions with you. If that is the case, then he attempted to improve the manner in which he was responding to the traumatic events. As far as I can recall, you never painted him in such a way before. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Same goes for your family. A few weeks back you advised another individual that was facing a loss to: QUOTE Prescrimed medication WORKS. And honestly, I think you should go on something if you are not at risk of being pregnant. It can save you alot of time and the meds have gotten so high speed, you will be pulled out of depression land lickety split. Or you can be hard headed and take up potholder making while you sit in torment. yet now you proclaim that they are not right for you! And as for the comment that pharmaceuticals are not for you, pray tell, what do you think the visaril is, other than a pharmaceutical? I don't know what else to say to you to show you that your perception of how you are might not be the most accurate one. However, at the end of the day, you are functioning and choosing the path you take. My only hope is that you realise that we too have witnessed your emotional pain, albeit from cyber space and that might annoy you, but it doesn\\'t mean that we have not been around to witness what you\'ve been going through. My therapist comes to my house and he was at some of the sessions. I asked that he be a part of them because I feel like he needs to grieve as well. He told the therapist that its not good if I cry or grieve and she has struggled with him as well.I am trying to reconcile with my husband and am trying to stay married. He did do things that were off the chain such as breaking things and yes it was unbearable for me to deal with. For some people psychotrophics are excelllent, especially if they have the support network to help them deal with side effects, driving.. getting them to appointments. I do not. I DO feel that my husband quitting his job and taking all his paychecks with him to go on vacation was more than selfish. I think that him leaving at this time was selfish too. I am not bashing my husband. On the contrary, I am trying to work things out with him the best I can...I STILL dont know why you are persisting on giving medical advice on an immigration forum. I know you are well meaning but HELLS BELLS You dont know what I have endured and for you to harp on me to medicate myself when I have clearly told you I AM TAKING MEDICATION and then to dispute with what I am taking is ridiculous. I take vistoril. Its prescribed for sleep, anxiety and its helps with a variety of different things. Its not a psychotrophic and for some people psychotrophics are fast acting and they help and the people around them can help them with things as they adjust to being on them. Even vistoril has taken some getting used to as it makes it hard for me to wake up like I should... I think you are great for immigration advice... but in this case, you are off the chain. Let me be please and enjoy my forums and reading things without giving me lecture after lecture on how I need to be doped up..	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-16 15:26:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	You have just proven to me that my recommendation is more apt than I suspected before. You have no circle of individuals, close enough to you to see a change in demeanor in you, and as such, your view of how you are is the only one you can work with. Once again I will say, that without polling every member on this forum, you are operating on your perception of what each and every one of us as had to endure. I don't wish to hammer the point, but what do you know of any of us? Don't be ridiculous! My comment on the variety of reasons why you felt abandoned by your family and husband during this crisis was to indicate to you that there might be other factors in play. You have just confirmed that fact, and yet you had expectations of each and everyone of them that were unrealistic given the information you have finally shared. I am sorry your family has been essentially dysfunctional. It is difficult to handle what you have, even with a healthy family nearby. Add to that a family that has its own set of issues and that can make it practically impossible to get the supportyou might have needed. Yet, in each and every post you've made in the last few weeks you appeared very clearly distressed that certain members never stepped up to the plate when they were needed. Sadly, that is the product of a set of expectation that you have of others that might simply be unrealistic. I have read most of your posts during this crisis. I don't recall everything, but I don't recall seeing that your husband attended 5 counseling sessions with you. If that is the case, then he attempted to improve the manner in which he was responding to the traumatic events. As far as I can recall, you never painted him in such a way before. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Same goes for your family. A few weeks back you advised another individual that was facing a loss to: QUOTE Prescrimed medication WORKS. And honestly, I think you should go on something if you are not at risk of being pregnant. It can save you alot of time and the meds have gotten so high speed, you will be pulled out of depression land lickety split. Or you can be hard headed and take up potholder making while you sit in torment. yet now you proclaim that they are not right for you! And as for the comment that pharmaceuticals are not for you, pray tell, what do you think the visaril is, other than a pharmaceutical? I don't know what else to say to you to show you that your perception of how you are might not be the most accurate one. However, at the end of the day, you are functioning and choosing the path you take. My only hope is that you realise that we too have witnessed your emotional pain, albeit from cyber space and that might annoy you, but it doesn't mean that we have not been around to witness what you've been going through. Edited by diadromous mermaid, 16 December 2008 - 03:01 PM.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-16 14:57:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	I don't doubt that you have a lot to deal with, but you have a misconception of what some medication can offer, that's clear. Where did you get the idea that antidepressants will make you numb? Where did you get the notion that some antidepressants will make you fatigued? No one is beating anything into you about getting something to smooth out the edges. It is just an observation, and given your own report that you have no one around you to observe you and how you are handling matters, then I think it is a valid one. As to your family's reaction, then I am sure it is disappointing, but once again their reasons for keeping clear from you might not be just as they appear to you right now. A lot appears differently to the individual that is depressed. When all of this passes, and I am sure in time it will, you might have a different view of the episode. My suggestion was only that it might be helpful to you to consult a psychiatrist. You certainly don't have to, of course, ifyou prefer to rough it out. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 07:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> My family refuses to go to the gravesite and my mother wouldnt even see me face to face after my child died because she couldnt deal with things. She went and got drunk with his sister. I dont think I am skewing that.. That sucked. I needed them. they got wasted and havent gone one time to the graveside nor have I seen them but once since the funeral. My husband quit his job and went on vacation in the middle of all of what he had to take care ofand left me with bills, didnt give me a penny from his paychecks and left me with a huge mess. I dont think I am skewing that either out of depression. I know that meds would make my life easier but I dont have the resources to survive the fatigue and other issues that meds deliver. I have to be up at 5 with one child.. and then up an hour later with the other,,, take care of my house, the yard,keep a job and somehow fit in grieving.. Psychtrophics have a lot of side effects,,,the worst one being severe fatigue and I cant be zoned out of my mind dealing with things. I have very little family and what family i have have already told me if I cant take care of my kids, My daughter will go into foster care because they dont want her and I better snap out of things and shape up. Its my sheer love of my kids that has given me the determination to keep going.. PS.. yes somedays I am MORE LUCID than others.. I am in grief.. that is totally normal. I dont need it beat into me to be on meds... I need a hug and I need to keep surrounding myself with loving people who love my kids.. and to take my son to lots of activities and work in my garden and try to find happiness... I dont have the luxury, insurance or the money to go on something to numb the pain. I have to work through the pain the old fashioned way.. and try hard to be a good mom...I am doing very well considering.. Not everyone desires to not feel what is going on around them... certainly not me.. I have to grieve and fight the grief and survive it.. one day at a time	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-15 21:14:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	Hanging in there, You have a lot on your plate, no doubt. Which is why I think you can't properly determine what your needs are at this time. Just functioning from day to day may be your choice, but it is not necessarily the best course. Furthermore, I am not diagnosing you from this forum. Far from it. I am not your physician, nor am I your counselor, but I am observant enough to see the mood swings and to know that "sleeping" off a tragic series of events might give you the physical strength to face another day, but might not be serving you well in the psychological sense. Of course your therapist shares intimate time with you, and I don't question that she has your best interests at heart. Please don't forget that albeit we are a world away, we see you in terms of what you write on a daily basis. Some days you are more lucid than others. I would recommend that you discuss with your therapist your perceptions of anti-depressants/medication. I can assure you that they do not do what you claim, they do not alter you, or make you a zombie as you profe4ssm and I can assure you that while it appears admirable that you choose not to want to take them, this might not be what is best in your situation. I have read on many occasions in the past few weeks, comments about taking your life, not wanting to live, wishing to die. These are not statements that individuals that are healthy utter, let alone repeat. Yes, indeed, you have experienced some tragedy. You have reason to think the way you do, but given what you have had to endure, you are an ideal candidate for some psychotropic help. Major depression is characterized by the inability to enjoy life and experience pleasure. Lack of interest in outside activities, strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt, thoughts that life isn’t worth living, weight gain or loss, sleep troubles- all of these are signs of major depression. These feelings normally must persist for at least two weeks in order to be considered a major depressive episode. The symptoms can range from mild, when you can function in life with extra effort, to severe, where you can no longer complete daily activities. Perceptions are altered when an individual is suffering from clinical depression. Perceptions of one's mate, one's family, one's life. You claim your husband abandoned you during the period after your baby died. Your family also. This might indeed be true, but also, it is possible that some of these actions, could be a manifestation of depression, and skewed by your perception. Finally, may I say, that regardless of the horrors you've experienced in the last month, you don't know, you don't need to focus on, nor can you begin to know who else in this community has had to deal with grief or the same. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 05:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Dec 15 2008, 03:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Vistaril, you mean hydroxyzine? The antihistamine? How will that help your depression? Self-diagnosing isn't a good idea. I think it might be a good idea to double check to make sure you don't need something else to keep your mood leveled. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I take vistoril for sleep and a nurse practioner at the same place ( the county since I have no insurance) prescribes it. I dont take psychotrophics but if I wanted anti depressants I could get them there. Florida runs a little different. Even just a Gp or walk in clinic can prescribe lets say lexapro or other stuff. I have no health insurance and you have to have insurance to go really nuts ( hehheehhe) I have real bad ptsd and the vistoril helps me sleep through the night without nightmares.. well diddie you learn some thing new every day. Dont lose your mind in Florida cause youll have to get in line for the drugs behind everyone else Diddie. I didnt self diagnose. I go to a therapist. I have problems sleeping at night. Not sleeping but I wake up with nightmares. I really respect your advice about immigration but in less than 4 months I have dealt with a death and my husband leaving and I think considering everything I am doing well. Its irresponsible in my humble opinion to be diagnosing people with issues they dont have when you are not a medical doctor nor are you a psychiatrist. I have real life things going on and I think I should feel free enough to talk about immigration issues here or really whatever I want to. I dont have depression per se. I have real life things making me sad.. not things that I am blowing out of proportion. I buried my child, took my husband to the airport not knowing if I would ever see him again and have dealt with things that would put people in the ground with no medication whatsover. If my therapist and the person working at the clinic dont think I need to be doped out of my mind, then neither should you. I may not be your cup of tea as a person and you may find my posts annoying but I am certainly not abusive to other people and unkind.. I am a good mom... I am holding a job in this economy and I personally would like to be COGNISCENT of what is going on around me which I think mood stabilizers and mood elevators sometimes make you easier to be dealt with by other people.. but NUMB is the last thing I want to feel. I dont want to be on psychotrophics and frankly you dispensing medical advice is far beyond what these boards are for. I like what you have to say and respect you but you really are very off base saying this stuff to me. I see a therapist for the death of my child and PTSD and I am grieving but all in all I am very productive and hanging in there. I hope you dont find what I have to say offensive, but if they are prescribing me a medication to help me sleep so I can be ok .. you should respect what they have to say and not make stuff up for your own reasons....I am doing an extremely good job of managing my life despite the cards I have been dealt and most of the other moms I know ARE on drugs after this kind of stuff happened. I made the choice to ride it out off the meds because I have so many responsibilities that I cant afford to zone off into another galaxy on meds. I have to be alert and with it and frankly alot of the meds make you tired.. PLUS I am not clinically depressed. I am sad.. but I have reasons to be...Thanks anyway	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-15 18:52:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	Vistaril, you mean hydroxyzine? The antihistamine? How will that help your depression? Self-diagnosing isn't a good idea. I think it might be a good idea to double check to make sure you don't need something else to keep your mood leveled. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I take vistoril for sleep and a nurse practioner at the same place ( the county since I have no insurance) prescribes it. I dont take psychotrophics but if I wanted anti depressants I could get them there. Florida runs a little different. Even just a Gp or walk in clinic can prescribe lets say lexapro or other stuff. I have no health insurance and you have to have insurance to go really nuts ( hehheehhe) I have real bad ptsd and the vistoril helps me sleep through the night without nightmares.. well diddie you learn some thing new every day. Dont lose your mind in Florida cause youll have to get in line for the drugs behind everyone else	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-15 15:49:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	If you are only seeing a therapist, and not a psychiatrist, how is it you have medication? My impression was that only psychiatrists (that hold an MD) are able to prescribe. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 08:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Dec 15 2008, 07:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> There are all kinds of medication. Some work for some people, and others don't. In general, the medication that I would presume would be prescribed would be to, in a sense, take the "edge" off your emotions. Limit the lows and and dull triggers to deep emotion. Sinergy, I am sure, did not mean anything by her comment, other than that at times, some of your posts seem to be still very highly emotional and focused on one concept, one point, repetitive in a way. That could be an indicator that the medication prescribed might not be addressing the issue as well as another could. Have a talk with your psychiatrist in private, if you feel that this might be the case. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 05:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Dec 15 2008, 05:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 04:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Dec 15 2008, 05:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 04:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Sinergy @ Dec 15 2008, 02:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise. About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better. I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop: i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea. And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite.. But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them. suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 04:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me... well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it. Charles, unless you have no clue as to how women say things to each other,,,not knowing someone and saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP is just a way to insult someone. If you know someone and you say like professional help can help you through this stuff and I hope you get it... its alot differently than someone just saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thats just a way to belittle or cut someone down.. something I dont need right now.I dont know her and she doesnt know me personally because if she did, she would already know I was getting it and not just try to say something sarcastic. I dont have a psychiatrist but I do have a therapist and yes it helps greatly. There is no way without therapy and a support group that I could have made it this far at all	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-15 10:08:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	There are all kinds of medication. Some work for some people, and others don't. In general, the medication that I would presume would be prescribed would be to, in a sense, take the "edge" off your emotions. Limit the lows and and dull triggers to deep emotion. Sinergy, I am sure, did not mean anything by her comment, other than that at times, some of your posts seem to be still very highly emotional and focused on one concept, one point, repetitive in a way. That could be an indicator that the medication prescribed might not be addressing the issue as well as another could. Have a talk with your psychiatrist in private, if you feel that this might be the case. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 05:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Dec 15 2008, 05:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 04:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (charles! @ Dec 15 2008, 05:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 04:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> QUOTE (Sinergy @ Dec 15 2008, 02:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise. About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better. I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop: i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea. And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite.. But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them. suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature. QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Dec 15 2008, 04:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me... well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it. Charles, unless you have no clue as to how women say things to each other,,,not knowing someone and saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP is just a way to insult someone. If you know someone and you say like professional help can help you through this stuff and I hope you get it... its alot differently than someone just saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thats just a way to belittle or cut someone down.. something I dont need right now.I dont know her and she doesnt know me personally because if she did, she would already know I was getting it and not just try to say something sarcastic.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-15 07:03:00
Middle East and North Africa	feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out	Who needs a letter anyway? It's pointless. No divorcved alien requires a "letter" as in "permission" from an ex-spouse. All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real. If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be. You've said countless times, you believe that he had the right intentions in the beginning. Then you should not breathe another word about "reporting him", "fraud", "Using you". It simply was a marriage that was not meant to be. And of course, if you trully believe what you are saying, then whether he finishes the path alone or with another woman, wish him well. QUOTE (morocco4ever @ Dec 14 2008, 03:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Kat, I do see some improvement, but there are still things that you aren't seeing clearly. Letting go is healthy, yes. But you are going a step further. You are planning on assisting him. Why? To prove to him that you loved him? Again, why? That is not letting go, that is trying to show him that he made a mistake. If you are truly ready to let go you would not care one way or the other what he thinks. Besides Kat, he will never see things the way you want him too. You need to get that out of your head right now. Let go Kat, but don't help him. He is a big boy, and you don't owe anything to him. Don't wait for him to make it right by you either because he won't. By not writing a letter to assist him isn't revenge, it is the final step to letting go with a peaceful heart.	diadromous mermaid	Female	0	2008-12-14 19:50:00