ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Africa: Sub-SaharanJourney Is over.....
CONGRATS!!!!
You know you could have called me PERSONALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-02-06 22:40:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanGot the phone call!!!!!
QUOTE (boo boo @ Mar 5 2008, 08:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif I am so so so happy for you!!!



CONGRATULATIONS KIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is Michele from Charlotte, NC
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-03-05 08:23:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanInterview Date
Congratulations! All the best!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-03 18:07:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanUpdate!! We got our visa!
Time to celebrate!!!!! kicking.gif kicking.gif
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-05 20:16:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanHELP!!!!!!!!!!
Hello Girl!

Well.... If you can answer yes to "Can you trust him"? Are you sure you want to marry him? A good list of why you want to marry him?
Are you ready for the Immigration journey? You shouldn't be denied unless there are serious issues in his past which would prevent him from being approved. If there aren't then you should be good to go. It can be lonely and expensive at times but if you're sure he is the one for you, not just being in love but having the WHOLE package, then LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN!!!!!

You listed K1 so I'm assuming you're not married yet.

WELCOME TO VJ
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-01 16:28:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanGuess what????? :)
CONGRATS!!! kicking.gif kicking.gif
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-17 20:14:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa in hand!!!!
Woooooo..... Go get your man!
kicking.gif kicking.gif
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-06 10:00:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanCongratulations Bassi and Zainab
Congratulations-Finally some HAPPY NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-24 17:40:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSecond Interview 6/2/08
What a big sigh of relief

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kicking.gif kicking.gif
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-02 17:16:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVISA DENIED ON TUESDAY & VISA APPROVED ON WENESDAY
Speechless!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-07-02 18:36:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa approval
Congratulaions!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-07-30 21:16:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMy Wife Visa Approved @ Lagos
HUGE CONGRATS!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-08-22 19:57:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMy Trip Home
WOW VEE!!

In the end it is sooo worth it!!

You guys look great!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-08-08 15:41:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanDENIED at 2. interview
QUOTE (MAO36 @ Apr 19 2008, 03:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Omoba @ Apr 19 2008, 03:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (MAO36 @ Apr 19 2008, 02:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hello Omoba,


I've never written you before but I have like many other threads been following your thread and was definitely anticipating an EASY approval. First let me me say I am sooo sorry about this unfortunate ocuurrence. I am confused though! How would they know your email addresses? Did they already have this infomation? Also, wouldn't USCIS have done this investigation of his name & past requests for visa's prior to them issuing your approval? i don't understand. Why did they approve it from the USCIS's stage and then come up with all these otehr issues. What is the process between the two? It's almost like the approval's from USCIS are not really true approval's????
I know this is overwhelming and if you're too traumitized to respond, I understand.
Again, I'm soooo sorry.




The USCIS end of it is mainly concerned with security checks of both USC and beneficiary and background checks and documents of the USC.
The other end , the embassy does the checks more intensely on the beneficiary and of course the financial support documents of the USC. The foreign

post does home investigations and crosschecks with other embassies for previous visa applications.



approval of USCIS without embassy checks is in those terms not a 100% approval and things still can go wrong.
In my case the chief CO can now give a recommendation against us or in favor of us to homeland security and USCIS.
Once the case goes to USCIS it is out of the CO's hands.

The chief CO had the authority to overule the decision but chose not to and informed me about the waiver.
The CO handling our case did not inform us of the waiver option and said it is denied when I asked will the petition be returned for recommendation to revoke. She said no, that only happens if they think the relationship is not real and we think yours is real.
But we had to deny because of the " misrepresentation " ........ie. typos.
It is the foreign post not willing to go through with an approval unless USCIS grants the waiver. The system is set up this way.

Now, if USCIS grants the waiver then it goes back to the embassy and they have to approve it unless they come once again with new but overwheliming evidence.
A judge can make a final ruling if it goes back and forth and all options are exhausted.
This is my own research, if I hear anything different from the attorney I will share it here.

Thank you all for holding me up so I won't crash !





Thank you for the clarification. This is a sickening, gruesome journey and when I read threads such as what happened to you I literally get sick to my stomach. KEEP FIGHTING TO GET YOUR FIANCE HERE!!! You will prevail with a lot of prayer and supplication.
I'm scared to death of the interview part.
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-04-19 15:18:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanDENIED at 2. interview
QUOTE (Omoba @ Apr 19 2008, 03:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (MAO36 @ Apr 19 2008, 02:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hello Omoba,


I've never written you before but I have like many other threads been following your thread and was definitely anticipating an EASY approval. First let me me say I am sooo sorry about this unfortunate ocuurrence. I am confused though! How would they know your email addresses? Did they already have this infomation? Also, wouldn't USCIS have done this investigation of his name & past requests for visa's prior to them issuing your approval? i don't understand. Why did they approve it from the USCIS's stage and then come up with all these otehr issues. What is the process between the two? It's almost like the approval's from USCIS are not really true approval's????
I know this is overwhelming and if you're too traumitized to respond, I understand.
Again, I'm soooo sorry.




The USCIS end of it is mainly concerned with security checks of both USC and beneficiary and background checks and documents of the USC.
The other end , the embassy does the checks more intensely on the beneficiary and of course the financial support documents of the USC. The foreign

post does home investigations and crosschecks with other embassies for previous visa applications.



Thank you for the clarification. This is a sickening, gruesome journey and when I read threads such as what happened to you I literally get sick to my stomach. KEEP FIGHTING TO GET YOUR FIANCE HERE!!! You will prevail with a lot of prayer and supplication.
I'm scared to death of the interview part.


An approval of USCIS without embassy checks is in those terms not a 100% approval and things still can go wrong.
In my case the chief CO can now give a recommendation against us or in favor of us to homeland security and USCIS.
Once the case goes to USCIS it is out of the CO's hands.

The chief CO had the authority to overule the decision but chose not to and informed me about the waiver.
The CO handling our case did not inform us of the waiver option and said it is denied when I asked will the petition be returned for recommendation to revoke. She said no, that only happens if they think the relationship is not real and we think yours is real.
But we had to deny because of the " misrepresentation " ........ie. typos.
It is the foreign post not willing to go through with an approval unless USCIS grants the waiver. The system is set up this way.

Now, if USCIS grants the waiver then it goes back to the embassy and they have to approve it unless they come once again with new but overwheliming evidence.
A judge can make a final ruling if it goes back and forth and all options are exhausted.
This is my own research, if I hear anything different from the attorney I will share it here.

Thank you all for holding me up so I won't crash !

MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-04-19 15:15:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanDENIED at 2. interview
Hello Omoba,


I've never written you before but I have like many other threads been following your thread and was definitely anticipating an EASY approval. First let me me say I am sooo sorry about this unfortunate ocuurrence. I am confused though! How would they know your email addresses? Did they already have this infomation? Also, wouldn't USCIS have done this investigation of his name & past requests for visa's prior to them issuing your approval? i don't understand. Why did they approve it from the USCIS's stage and then come up with all these otehr issues. What is the process between the two? It's almost like the approval's from USCIS are not really true approval's????
I know this is overwhelming and if you're too traumitized to respond, I understand.
Again, I'm soooo sorry.
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-04-19 14:01:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanVisa Approved
Congrats!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2009-04-20 11:36:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanhelp please it is a Nightmare
Hello Everybody!

I usually never get involved with controversial subjects but I do have a short comment.

My own personal experience with the Lagos Embassy was really positive. I also have 3 friends who sailed right through as well. I have the utmost respect for anyone who is brave enough to come on VJ and share their story whether happy or heart-breaking it can still be used to help, warn or encourage others.

For the ones who have had a hard time with the embassy, I do feel your pain as well.
It's kind of difficult using your own experience to warn others becasue sometimes the intent isn't taken correctly. The way I see it is keep the warnings coming if your situation didn't work out, if It did then keep the encouragement and well wishes coming.

Most of us in the end will make our own decisions anyway. I had those who were true skeptics about me going over to Nigeria twice and marrying someone I only had physical contact with twice a year. Ofcourse we're all grown and we will and have decided for ourselves to take this journey. There have been times when I want to provide my advice on what I see within a particular situation but because I know there are certain boundaries one cannot cross I keep quiet.
My husband is here, so far so good but it has taken alot of love, patience and praying together to stengthen the marriage.

I do pray for happiness for all of us since we truly deserve it. I always try to find a lesson in all of the personal stories. If it's God's will, things will work out!





MAO36FemaleNigeria2009-05-18 16:03:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOur big day is Monday :)
Nothing but good thoughts and best wishes on the interview.
MAO36FemaleNigeria2009-04-20 02:40:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanKeeping Track
Hello Zee,

Can you please update my status on the K3. Our interview date is scheduled for August 27TH.

Thank you soo much!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-06-16 12:25:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanKeeping Track
QUOTE (ZeeNusah @ Jan 22 2008, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Congratulations to southafricatousa (South Africa) on their NOA2 for K1 (NOA1 10/1/07) kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif kicking.gif


WAITING FOR NOA2:

Member ID............Country.......Visa Type..........NOA1

M & T................Nigeria..........K3.........04/21/07(I-130)..05/22/07(I-130)
vee..................Nigeria........IR1/CR1......06/28/07
kunle................Nigeria..........K1.........07/26/07
MoonlitCherri..........Ghana..........K3.........09/19/07(I-130)..11/21/07(I-129F)
azezohome............Ethiopia.........K1.........09/26/07
haimanotalan.........Ethiopia.......IR1/CR1......10/01/07
Nadia/Nick Bluma....South Africa....IR1/CR1......10/05/07
Nkem/Oneybuchi.......Nigeria..........K3.........12/22/07(I-130)..10/23/07(I-129F)
terryn..............South Africa......K1.........10/23/07
Norman and Dijani...South Africa......K1.........11/02/07
Chicku...............Tanzania.........K1.........11/05/07
mesay................Ethiopia.........K1.........11/11/07
Obidiya..............Nigeria..........K1.........11/19/07
Queen Jenn...........Nigeria..........K1.........11/21/07
Sylvia_n_Joseph......Nigeria..........K1.........12/04/07
Damar and Doug........Kenya...........K1.........12/06/07
typee0...............Senegal..........K1.........01/04/08

APPROVED AND WAITING FOR INTERVIEW:

Member ID............Country...........Visa Type...........NOA2

Chris & Jennifer.....South Africa.......IR1/CR1............06/21/07
pjjoy..................Nigeria..........IR1/CR1............06/21/07
nbrown0247.............Nigeria..........IR1/CR1............06/28/07
I'm Mrs Akindel........Nigeria..........IR1/CR1............07/02/07
Divine Mercy...........Nigeria..........IR1/CR1............07/16/07
Benandshan.............Nigeria..........IR1/CR1............08/13/07
Golden24.7............Cameroon.............K3..............09/05/07(both)
MrsJibowu..............Nigeria..........IR1/CR1............09/07/07
pnyarko................Ghana............IR1/CR1............09/27/07
All4Kweku..............Ghana............IR1/CR1............10/03/07
ntinda.................Uganda..............K1..............10/29/07
Quiet Storm............Ghana...............K3..............10/30/07(both)
Rodgiegirl.............Zambia..............K1..............11/02/07
MissLove...............Ghana...............K1..............11/04/07
waiting4real...........Nigeria.............K1..............11/05/07
one love...............Nigeria.............K3..............11/09/07(both)
wintime................Ethiopia............K3..............11/20/07(both)
brownskin2.............Nigeria.............K3..............11/21/07(I-130)..11/20/07(I-129F)
selam..................Kenya...............K1..............11/21/07
Hpk..................South Africa..........K1..............11/21/07
Gail...................Madagascar..........K1..............11/28/07
Bassi and Zainab........Ghana..............K1..............12/02/07
tony and tess..........Nigeria.............K1..............12/04/07
Luckyswife2b............Ghana..............K1..............12/07/07
NanDic.................Nigeria.............K1..............12/18/07
kacee..................Nigeria.............K1..............12/29/07
sweetlove..............Nigeria.............K3..............01/02/08(both)
Osakeme................Nigeria.............K1..............01/07/08
kelly1290..............Nigeria.............K3..............01/09/08(both)
monagoz................Nigeria.............K1..............01/10/08
Lefreedring.............Uganda.............K3..............01/10/08(both)
chinemeze..............Nigeria.............K3..............01/15/08(both)
ose_n_me...............Nigeria.............K3..............01/15/08(both)
Mohardi................Ghana...............K3..............01/16/08(both)
southafricatousa.....South Africa..........K1..............01/22/08

WAITING FOR VISA:

Member ID..........Country.......Visa Type.....Approved....Interview....Visa Approved

John/Sam Miles....South Africa......K3.........07/31/07....09/20/07.....YES
moon1968............Nigeria.......IR1/CR1......10/13/06....09/20/07.....Put on AP
MaRob..............Cameroon.........K1.........08/10/07....10/17/07.....Put on AP
angel73.............Nigeria.........K1.........08/03/07....11/19/07.....YES
Jennifer + James.....Ghana..........K1.........05/03/07....12/04/07.....YES
mishka b..........South Africa....IR1/CR1......06/13/07....12/10/07.....YES
amper.............South Africa......K1.........10/10/07....12/10/07.....YES
Kofi.................Ghana........IR1/CR1......04/01/07....12/13/07.....YES
fatima_kamel.........Ghana........IR1/CR1......04/21/07....12/13/07.....Put on AP
DEECEE..............Senegal.......IR1/CR1......06/06/07....12/13/07.....Put on AP
BIG_O.............Mauritania........K1.........10/08/07....12/27/07.....YES
Missy1..............Nigeria.........K1.........11/05/07....01/08/08.....YES
Nixz_Chi............Nigeria.........K1.........11/09/07....01/10/08.....YES
K&L.................Gambia..........K3.........10/31/07....01/10/08.....Put on AP
Arinola.............Nigeria.........K1.........08/31/07....01/14/08.....YES
katie1726...........Zambia..........K1.........12/07/07....01/15/08.....YES
HakeemConstance.....Nigeria.........K1.........11/15/07....02/06/08
mc2000ch............Ethiopia........K1.........12/07/07....02/08/08
Omizo_Tusha.......Mozambique........K1.........11/25/07....02/14/08
kellyc............South Africa......K1.........10/29/07....02/19/08
myangel2............Nigeria.......IR1/CR1......01/09/07....02/19/08
mmcgee015...........Nigeria.........K1.........12/06/07....03/05/08
KingsleysPrincess...Nigeria.........K3.........11/15/07....03/10/08
fatima_kamel.........Ghana........IR1/CR1......04/21/07....03/11/08(2nd interview for DNA test)
Akinstacey..........Nigeria.........K1.........12/13/07....03/12/08
eviee567............Nigeria.........K1.........12/18/07....03/12/08
ZeeNusah.............Ghana..........K1.........09/05/07....03/17/08
Efia06...............Ghana..........K3.........07/31/07....03/20/08
Asante Maroon........Ghana..........K1.........09/07/07....03/25/08
cinnamon3822........Nigeria.........K1.........12/13/07....03/28/08
Omoba.............Sierra Leone......K1.........09/28/06....04/10/08(2nd interview)
Keith&Jessica........Ghana..........K1.........08/03/07....04/27/08
Ricca711.............Ghana..........K1.........11/02/07....05/12/08





**Hello Zee,


Please add me to your list. Finally received my NOA1 dated 1/18/08-filed 9/6/2007-CR1
kicking.gif Thank you so much
MAO36FemaleNigeria2008-01-23 21:00:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanKeeping Track
QUOTE (Nixz_Chi @ Nov 16 2007, 11:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks Zee! This is very helpful.....


Hey Girl,

I know your Future Husband Girl!!!
I took some photos with him when I visted my husband Shadrach in August.
Whatsssssssssss Up Girl
Obinna and the guys are all my peeps.
MAO36FemaleNigeria2007-12-10 21:13:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanMarried almost 5 years!
WOW!!!!!!!!!! This is GREAT news! You and I spoke a long time ago via email and at that time things appeared very grim. I'm sooo happy you'll be reunited with your Hubby once and for all. Send me a personal PM since we're Sisters in the truth.

Agape,

Michele
MAO36FemaleNigeria2010-04-04 00:01:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanIt's been a while
Hello Idocare,

Can I just say I really appreciate your honesty and your loyalty to the VJ family. You continue to share your story out of concern for others who could be potentially going down this same path. You have taken heat in the past from posters but you continue posting your story without let up. I have always welcomed your thoughts, your warnings and your insight on matters. My marriage is by far anything out of a story book romance but what's holding our marriage together is our religious/scriptual belief on God's view of the marriage arrangement. Whew!!(wiping my forehead), we have had our ups and downs, arguments, sleeping on the couch, wishing this had never happened moments. Their culture is so different from ours. Things that are small in my eyes are great in his and vice versa. Nigerians tend to be very private about their affairs but as an american woman I feel it's my right to know everything that's going on in my husband's life. He had to get used to thinking like a married man, instead of a single person. He had to practically be taught or molded on how to romance your woman. In his country putting food on the table was the top priority and the women accepted this as their way of loving them. While providing for your family is important, I had to tell him numerous times, women want to be held, cuddled, catered to, kissed tenderly, you name it. He has come a long way from the time he got here in 08 but there is still much work to be done. I won't settle for anything less than this, I can't and i won't. I will try to be more patient and understanding that his previous life in nigeria is nothing like my world here in america, but there is great potential. My husband is sweet and can be very loving, but he is still working on the stubborness(the man is as stubborn as a mule), his mood swings and lack of romance. All I have to say is, it is hard work ladies but if he is sincere, you will both get through it. If i hadn't put God first and his laws on marriage, the old me would have given up just on mere frustration & culture incompatibilities. I used to always tell him to "leave me, leave, go away, live your life" but he always replies, "I am here to stay forever and I'm not going anywhere" awwwwwww.... see, they can be sweet when it matters the most.

Idocare, Vengence does belong to God and rest assured, evil never prevails. Be patient, his time will come. Again, thanks for always sharing your story and being forthcoming about it. I hope my story sheds some light for those who are newlyweds or waiting for their Hubby's to arrive. It aint all a bed of roses but there will be good times in between the drama if he really cares about your marriage.

Stay strong ladies!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2010-05-20 23:29:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanI'm Next
Boaz & Perserverance my heart is heavy for you. The road has not been easy for most of us but the act of abandonment is the ULTIMATE form of hurt and despair. Divorce, separation whatever you want to call it can be likened to death, the loss of a loved one. One thing for sure is "Time heals all". I know that seems bleek right now but it does. Hang in there and trust in the Almighty to give you the "power beyond what is normal" so that you may continue to take care of yourselves and the baby involved. Sorry once again, somehow we are all connected in this road we chose to go down, even though most of us have never met.

Hugs!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2010-06-20 19:33:00
Africa: Sub-Saharanage difference
Hello My Sister!


I am going to try to be as sensitive and diplomatic as possible. I would be REALLY careful with this relationship in light of the huge age difference. Typically most african men that I've encountered are very adamant about having a woman younger or at least close to their age who is still in her child-bearing years. I do not know you or your man but my instincts are telling me that he may be using you for the greencard. You can cuss me out and so can everybody else but i really took the time out to respond to you because I care. I am 5 yrs older than my african husband and believe me it ws a big deal to him concerning how his friends and family would perceive an older woman. Let me give you some history about my husband and me. We married in 2007, he arrived in 2008. For the most part it has been nothing like he described it would be while he was waiting to get over here. In my case, we are united by our religious beliefs at this point. I actually would LOVE for him to leave but he keeps saying in the african culture it's not proper to leave the marriage. All those wonderful words, promises and expressions of love he spoke while in africa, have been very minimal at best since he arrived in 08. If I had to do this all again, I would have stayed single or met somone already here in the states. Please understand I'm not bitter, Im not african bashing and all that other jazz, I'm just trying to ask you to think long and hard about marrying someone who is 16 years younger than you, from another country, and with SO much to gain from marrying a US citizen. Please dont be a victim!!!! Again, I'm still married and he and i are still together but i wish someone would have forewarned me of how a person who's desperate would sell his own soul to get out of poverty.

**Stuck in this unusual marriage***
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-04-30 00:05:00
Africa: Sub-Saharangovernment assistance
I just responded to you on your other post. Please, before you do anything, do some soul searching about your entire situation. The age difference, your financial status, the feelings of doubt. They just might be the red flags to look into to. Bringing someone here from another country is very expensive as well. I make a very good salary and could barely afford all of the expenses I incurred. Loving someone should not be that difficult and certainly should not be the woman's primary responsibility of making it happen. Please weigh out all of your options!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-04-30 00:13:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing our good news
awwwh Dee,



He is beautiful! Congrats on a beautiful baby boy. Blessings from Jehovah in abundance!



Agape
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-05-30 02:30:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanOur son is here!!!
CONGRATS!!!! ZEE BEE!!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-09-07 19:31:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags
HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VISA FAM!



I really hope things are going well for everyone! I really do. Things are going fairly well with us. We've gotten a little closer, there's still a lot of work ahead of us in terms of understanding one another better and getting comfortable with his thought process on matters. He's doing well spiritually. The Elders have been praying with him and providing him with bible based direction to get to the root of his past actions and so forth. I realize without God in your marriage, especially these foreign marriages, you have NO chance of success. That three fold cord is the only thing that can sustain the marriage when divorce seems unavoidable. I still would not do this again if I had a choice. I feel like marraiage is hard enough already in the times we are living in with someone here in the states. One can only imagine how much harder it is with someone you married under non-traditional circumstances. Nonetheless at times the love is strong, at times I'm frustrated at myself for not knowing him well enough before making one of the biggest decisions in life, but he has come a long way and continues to make progress. He wants to make it work and most times so do I. Only time will tell-God willing.


SEE YA!!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-10-01 18:30:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags

Either way, I still think that Nigerian you are married to better appreciate you and praise God for having you.

God bless. :thumbs:


Thanks Love! He certainly better before it's too late :innocent:
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-08-07 10:15:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags

MOA36, your post has helped all kinds of people, Nigerians or otherwise. Thanks for being so open with your life's facts. You have put things in prospective for many of us on VJ with your thoughts and facts about "red flags" in relationships.

Everyone has a red flag or two in their relationship, with a Nigerian or otherwise. There are no guarantees with long distance relationships. For the matter of fact, there are no guarantees even with relationships established with a mile from each other.
No one knows the long term of any relationship accept God himself. It boils down to having faith in God, in each other, and the desire to make the relationship work, regardless of all or any of the RED FLAGS, or the obstacles and mistakes encountered along the way. It is about accepting responsibility when needed and making things right, when given the chance. NO one is perfect, no relationship is perfect and marriage, love and commitment is hard work. It requires continued work from both partners on daily bases to succeed.

When all is said and done, your courage to post your situation, and its reality, has touched many lives and helped couples who have similar situations, to look beyond the pain, the anger, the blame...and the guilt, and find love, forgiveness, healing and the strength within to look beyond the encountered, and look forward to a better day. With your faith in God, you have shown us with patience and forgiveness it can be done. With or without "red flags" when one works on themselves first, and learn to love themselves, then finding happiness is in progress.

Thanks again for your thoughts, prayers, and honesty. God bless and make your life's journey a happy one.




Awwww Girl! ***wiping the tears from my eyes***** It was my pleasure. You are the one who inspired me to write about my unusual journey. I am not ashamed, I am no longer troubled, I don't have to hide anything. Everything you posted was spot on! This was my life and i had to share it. I take full responsibility for marrying a complete stranger. August 9TH will be our 4 year anniversary and I still don't know this man! how sick is that? I mean yes I know him but not all the "ins and outs" the way a wife should know her husband. We are still on the roller coaster ride as we speak. Thank God there hasn't been anymore infidelity that has come to light. We are going for some serious counseling from many angles to make this work. Even after that, there are still no guarantees. This past week has been nice. We have been communicating better than we had been for a long time. I made a vow that know matter which way it finalizes, I will not lose my temper and become enraged. This thing called marriage has taught me that even if someone has completed offended you, do not allow yourself to become in such a provoked state that you lose all senses. We both know that our marriage is stil on the rocks. There is no more room for any other affairs, "None". Personally I could take it or leave it most times BUT, we have decided to give counseling a try as well as having a couple from our place of worship who have been married for many years, spend some time with us, studying the bible and just teaching me how to be a capable wife and this man how to be an honest, trustworthy, head of his wife.

Thanks again Girl!!

I'm also thinking about the success you so deserve!

Love ya!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-07-25 21:03:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags
All red flags are welcomed! Thanks again all for posting your own personal red flags. Again, I 've learned so much and continue to be educated from all of the wonderful posts.
Thanks again my VJ Family. No matter what, we're in this journey together. As mentioned before, if you've helped one person then the mission has been accomplished from this thread.
Hubby and I are still together and trying to work through things. I'm sorry my story couldn't be full of wedded bliss so as not to bring on any negative connotations to the thread. I believe most members know I posted my private life on a public site out of love and concern for others and nothing more. It's been a long hard road in MY journey but it HAS indeed made me stronger and wiser. Thanks to all and I continue to want nothing but the best for all of you, especially my Sisters.

See ya!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-07-14 18:28:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags

Thanks for sharing. I am a JW as well about to start a process with another JW in Nigeria. All your post have really been helping me.... Thanks



Hello Renda21!

Thanks for posting!! you are very welcome! Anything you can take away from this thread is a wonderful thing. This is the story of MY life right now, I've revealed my journey for those who might be looking for feedback. Your journey may be smooth sailing and I hope and pray it is. Take what you can and use it for your advantage. All the best on your journey! For those who have made it through with very little hiccups, my smile is as wide as the sea for you. See ya!


Agape!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-07-14 18:14:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags

awww sis this is wonderful!!!! Love u guys... and no matter what..yr not a fool...yr a Christian wife...yr supposes to love yr husband. The shame is not on the innocent mate. Keep perserving in prayer...u know i always felt u guys made such a good match. You guys would have me rolling on the phone!!!


Efiaodo! You are dear to my heart Sis. So many late nights you and I were on the phone trying to work through my life and yours. There is no greater love than true friendship. *** Sisters to the end****
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-06-24 23:24:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags
Thanks Pammy, Efiado and anyone else who responded.

I always like to be true to my word. It really defines a person.

Thanks for the post!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-06-24 23:19:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :dance: :dance: SENDING SOME LOVE TO YOU ALL WHOOT WHOOT!!!! LOL.
No, seriously though things are pretty good, finally making some progress. My emotions have been semi-bipolar per my kids. :rofl: Happy! finally laughing the way we did when I was in Nigeria both times!:crying: Scared with tears, hoping I've made the rigt decision!:angry: Mad! How dare this man put me through this, I'm out!!!!!!:wacko: racing thoughts through my mind! Shoud I ask him to go, should he stay!:thumbs: Last but not least, we just might make it this time around!!

He is coming around. Understands that phone has to be available for me to answer since everything has to be transparent! He's beginning to soften up and not be so pig headed. He has completely admitted his actions were down right evil, senseless and admitted he was a horrible person for putting me through this. He's begun attending religious meetings again, after going through a period of guilt. We have gone out on dates, we text each other more through out the day with love you baby, I'm so soo sorry are his infamous words right now, we laugh more.

We still have a long road ahead but he has said several times, he has grown so comfortable with being with me and can't get his mind off of what he did and how much he loves me!!

Don't worry yall, I aint no fool, My eyes and ears are still wide open and will be for a long time.

Love you all, wishing you all MUCH success and happiness without the pain! Please be wise and learn from this forum. I'm sharing my life because we are in this together.

Bye!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-06-22 23:08:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags

Sorry to butt in and add my question but since most here are dealing with Nigeria's and Nigerian things I thoughtI would inquire.

Have read alot and thank you for information. But I would like to hear from people who filed in the United States from start of I-130 to Interview ti approved. I have heard so many time,lines. But one thing I hear is US takes extra long and I should prepare for 10 to 12 months.

Why does it take so long? I am currently in Nigeria with my husband But I have to leave and won;t be able to come back for 6 months. I am not a permanent resident and do not qualify to file paperwork at embassy here which I hear goes very fast.

So anybody have timelines and even know why it takes so long for a US filing?

Also just wondering is it better to have all information sent to the US citizen and you send to spouse/fiance' or have the USCIS send directly to them? Nigerian mail is the worst at least postal service. We have letters and cards we sent to each other when we first dated that never have arrived. I had cards once that arrived 6 months later. So much for that proof. And Wondering how far in advance he should order his police records?


Hello dwheels!

Unfortunately I have no clue on filing while living in Nigeria. I'm sure somone on the site can help you! Anybody!!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-06-22 22:54:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags
HELLO ! VJ FAMILY!!


Just checking in...... No drama to report! I just wanted to let you all know that things are being repaired with delicacy and this is no overnight quick fix. There are a lot of emotions, much needed communication, tender compassion and love being shown towards one another. But for the most part, we both want to make it work and are really trying to understand what went wrong so that it never happens again.

Take Care!
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-06-04 17:36:00
Africa: Sub-SaharanSharing some red flags

From your response here I can almost conclude you are one of JWs like myself. If that is correct I have suggestions for others to avoid this kind of situation. There are several ways of getting things done properly here in Nigeria. You can actually find out if the person you are contemplating to marry is real or a mere pretender. We belong to congregation and we know that elders can sometimes be involved in things like these. They can verify so many things for us. I am sure you understand what i am trying to say, provided you are a JW.




hello Ayodeb!



My hubby is indeed a JW, confirmed and verified way before I decided to go to Nigeria. My hubby was a Ministerial Servant and gave the Sunday discourse the week i was there at the KH. I think the bigger issue is internet dating is a huge risk. This just goes to show you no matter what religion you profess to be, there are people who may be living a double life. His family is filled with very spiritual people. His parents are full time pioneers and he and his sister both attended pioneer school together. The bible warns us to watch our association both out and in of the congregation. My elders also got his records from the branch office. Oh is is as real a JW as I am. Society has warned us to stay away from internet dating. unfortunately i thought i could beat the odds without consequences.

Thanks for the post
MAO36FemaleNigeria2011-05-29 18:28:00