ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaPlease join me tonight in VJ chat
I didn't get home until after 9pm so everyone had left the chatroom, but I tried sad.gif

I wish you a safe trip Jess.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-07 18:17:00
Middle East and North AfricaPlease join me tonight in VJ chat
Nice pics Jackie!

I will be away at the time of the party, but I will try to stop by later if everyone is still around.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-06 16:33:00
Middle East and North AfricaINTERVIEW DATE
I wish you all luck at your interview and that it is a success. I will keep you in my prayers as well.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-06 23:17:00
Middle East and North AfricaThis is crazy
QUOTE (Ganja_Girl @ Jul 5 2008, 05:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Those are normal questions and they are ridiculous, I would give anything to see someone answer these questions:
I would love to see their face if someone said –




Are you an member of the taliban, al quaida, or any other terrorist groups, or know anyone that is associate with these groups?


Why yes I am a member of al quadia, and also the NRI, but as you can see the good violence has died down in Irland and well, I got bored so I joined, but now the Taliban is trying to recruit me and I am not sure, I will be going to a meet and greet this week with the Taliban just for me to meet some of the guys.



Did you entered the US with the intentions of overthrowing the government?


Of course I did, what a funny question, I have my plans of overthrowing the US in my purse, you wanna see, I would love to have feedback, you know from someone who is associated with the government.



Are you involved in making a bombs –

I sure hope so, since I have two suitcases on me as we speak, would not want to have an accident, before I get to use them where I want.


laughing.gif Yeah, I would love to see their faces to those answers, lol. I asked about this once and apparently they have to ask so that if you lie it is one more charge they can put against you later if you are caught. The thing that gets me is the punishment for doing any of those is far worse than the charge for lying about it.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-05 23:45:00
Middle East and North AfricaHappy Tuesday MENA!!!
I hope everyone has a great day today and for those of us waiting that we hear some good news!
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-08 01:18:00
Middle East and North AfricaAny Tips for Surviving AP Hell?
QUOTE (belinda63 @ Jul 7 2008, 08:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
call 1-202-663-1225 push 1 then 0 and wait. Depending on who you get you may or may not be told anything. I had answers that ranged from "you need to just wait until the consulate contacts you" to people who were very helpful and explained a lot of the process to me.

As to what to do while you are waiting, clean, throw out all the old stuff, bang your head on the wall, write letters to congressmen, DOS, DHS, etc explaining how messed up the process is, chase the cat, work, play video games, try to learn some of his language, beat your head on the wall some more,


OK, so maybe I have been waiting a little to long on AP.

Wonder if there is a psychiatric diagnosis for this, AP paranoia?


There must be something because I think most of use waiting get some form of depression from it. I totally understand the beating the head on the wall. The urge strikes me every so often.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-08 01:23:00
Middle East and North AfricaLayover in New York from Cairo
I had a four hour layover, but my flight was delayed in Amman by over an hour. Then we arrived in New York only to have to circle around for another hour waiting for permission to land. In the end I didn't get out of customs and immigration and make it the airlines desk to check in until there was only 30 minutes left. Unfortunately that was the last flight out except a couple that were fully booked so I had to stay in New York overnight.

Yet the time before that I had about 4 hours between flights and had no problems. It is hit and miss so try to give him as much time as possible.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-08 01:38:00
Middle East and North AfricaThoisdey
Happy Thursday!!! Those pics are so adorable Yassmine, ma'sha Allah. He has the most beautiful brown eyes too!
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-09 23:59:00
Middle East and North AfricaIs It Normal...
QUOTE (AlHayatZween @ Jul 9 2008, 11:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thank you, for your responses...
i don't know why i am fixated on all the unimportant stuff (like my hair!!) blush.gif

this is my before and after:

up to 2007 and after filing for immigration

Attached File  monoeuf.bmp   576.05KB   33 downloads


Your hair is truly a work of art, either way star_smile.gif
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-09 23:03:00
Middle East and North AfricaIs It Normal...
I'm so sorry you are going through that. I really hope things go so well for you and that your worries are for nothing. Sometimes I feel bad for taking my husband from his family, but I have the advantage (if you can call it that) he can't go home. In fact he hasn't been in Iraq for almost two years so he really doesn't have a choice but to move forward.

At the same time we both get those worries about the job situation and life here. I can understand how you feel and I'm glad we have the message board so we can support each other. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you have a happy reunion and life with your SO.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-07-08 20:05:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
QUOTE (Rocketta @ Apr 19 2008, 12:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok People really can we get back to my topic? I'm really interested. Maybe I should change the title to specify 'culturally' so we can move past the religious debate because I'm not religious and neither is my husband but his background is muslim and mine christian and that surely colors our thought procees.


Actually, i was typing you a nice reply when my cat decided it was a good time to hit the power button for the power strip. Everything got shut down. Smart cat ran off as soon as she did it, lol.

Anyway, I was going to say that my husband has specifically asked me not to go out with men. We discussed it and talked over his reasons. I found they were good ones and especially if you do look at the religious aspect of it. I will not go into the details because I doubt you want to hear them. What really matters is that you and your husband work through your own issues and find an equitable way to solve your differences. I really wish you the best of luck in your marriage and I hope it is a happy one.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-19 00:38:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
QUOTE (Virtual wife @ Apr 19 2008, 12:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Apr 18 2008, 10:32 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Virtual wife @ Apr 17 2008, 08:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Marriage between Muslims and non-Muslims are not considered to be the ideal. However, Allah allows for them under certain cirsumstances. They are:

Q 5:5 That they be between chaste Muslims and chaste people of the Book (Christians and Jews)

Q 24:3 That they be between Muslim fornicators and non-believers (this is a specific class of non-Muslim)

Q 2:222 That Muslims avoid marriage with those who worship false Gods (some would include Christians among them)

Q 60:10-11 That we avoid marriage with those hostile to Islam and Muslims (quite reasonable)

Sorry, the evidence is not to be avoided so it can be pc. And, it's not a matter of intending to insult anyone; everyone knows what category they are in better than I do.


Aren't the two bolded ones contradictory?


I saved your post for last, jenn, because I knew it would come. And I was so glad it did. Mohammed also asked me how I can justify mixed marriage for Muslims if the ayat 2:221 and 60:10-11 forbid it.

The problem is that novices often generalize the specific in the text and specify the general in the text while plucking a single ayah away form surrounding ayah, the contextual history of its revelation, the linguistics involved, and how the Prophet personified the text.

If one merely isolated the two bolded sections you refer to, it would be easy to deduce that Christians are not allowed in marriage to Muslims. But, there is more to it than that.

We already know that not all Muslims will enter heaven. Allah is not as interested in what label you give yourself as He is in your acts. The Quran is the only sacred Abrahamic text that specifically allows for mixed marriages, and the only one that declares that there will be non-Muslims in heaven. It is careful to avoid blanketing entire groups of people as heretics, but bases one’s piety on character, values and behavior.

For example, in 2:221, the terminology used is definitive, and refers to practice rather than an entire group of people. The same is true for 60:10, and 5:5. There are characteristics involved that qualify an individual as halal or not, just as the directive that unchaste Muslims marry only other unchaste Muslims or an unbeliever. Islam teaches that we will be judged by Him as individuals, for our own acts and deeds, not for those of others around you.

The term “unbeliever” is commonly abused one in transliterations of the Arabic. It is not meant to refer to all non-Muslims, and the Arabic is more nuanced than the agenda behind the common use of that word. Therefore, there are those among non-Muslims who are devoted to God and in service to His Creation, who worship sincerely and keep to His laws, who avidly seek to please Him in Word and deed. They are not perfect, but are earnest. Allah says it matter not that they abide by the scriptures of the Torah or the Bible, their reward will be with Him.

Those who believe (in the Qur'an), those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Sabians and the Christians,- any who believe in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness,- on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. Q 5.69

In the Prophets inner circle, there were mixed faith couples where the wife was Muslim and the husband was not. He didn’t ask them to divorce as long as there was harmony in the union. That was also the case with his own daughter, Zaynab, who remained with her non-Muslim husband, until he became kafir by engaging in hostilities against the Muslims in the Battle of Badr (Q 60:10), and they were separated until his conversion.

If one keeps in mind that the premise of the Message is that all humans have free will to decie if and how they follow God, then individual practice gains more emphasis and importance, lessening the concept that whole groups are to be condemned because they do not call themselves Muslim. If there were no pious Christians or Jews, we would not be allowed to marry among them unless for the reason of fornication.

Allah actually intends for us to believe differently from each other as a test for how we learn to live together and to obey Him (Q 5:48 & 49:13). He expects us to protect the mutual God-given rights of all humanity, male and female:

O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence God, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for God ever watches over you. Q 4.1

We are created of like nature, one not superior one over the other due to nationality, ethnicity, race, or gender.

O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And God has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things). Q 49:13

Life is a test of faith. We are to learn how to live a God centered life, and to do it without animosity toward those whom God has chosen to adhere to faiths unlike our own.

And hold fast, all together, by the rope which God (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude God's favor on you; for ye were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace, ye became brethren; and ye were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus doth God make His Signs clear to you: That ye may be guided. Q 3.103

To thee We sent the Scripture in truth, confirming the scripture that came before it, and guarding it in safety: so judge between them by what God hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, diverging from the Truth that hath come to the e. To each among you have we prescribed a law and an open way. If God had so willed, He would have made you a single people, but (His plan is) to test you in what He hath given you: so strive as in a race in all virtues. The goal of you all is to God; it is He that will show you the truth of the matters in which ye dispute; Q 5.48

Our Nabi married a variety of women, consulted the Jewish scriptures for guidance, took santuary from a Christian king for the safety of his ummah, sought the consul of strong females, and was not distracted by interfaith marriages between Muslim women and non-Muslim men. He depended upon the character of his allies, and the strength of their faith and values rather than their gender or labels to when seeking them out. This is the best example we follow when earning trust and forming unions.

I hope this is helpful to you.


I know you addressed Jen, but this post was very helpful to me. I have a friend who is muslim and married to a Christian. She is convinced she is living in sin but can't leave her husband because she loves him so much and knows he is a good Christian man. She wants to have children but she is afraid that it will only add to her sin. I will pass this information to her in the hopes it helps her and comforts her.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-19 00:17:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
I have always held the belief that everyone, regardless of their background, gets into heaven on their own merit. No one can decide who will go to heaven or hell, only God.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-18 23:34:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
QUOTE (Virtual wife @ Apr 18 2008, 10:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (jpaula @ Apr 18 2008, 03:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are comfortable with the way you were married and you do not have to defend it to me. But, I think the question with these "Islamic" marriages is whether the contract is enforcable. If the judge will not register it (for whatever reason--we can all agree that he should, but if he will not...) then how is the contract enforced? Because if the contract cannot be enforced then her rights are not protected. And, I do not fault anyone for pointing that out to people. Women should know their rights--for themselves and their children--and if they choose to overlook them, they should do so with knowledge of what it means.

There is a difference between saying "this is alright with me" and "this is alright according to Islam." Those two approaches require very different justifications and I think they are often confused in discussion here.


You have point your finger on what so many refuse to acknowledge. By insisting that signing an untested contract in a lawyer's office represents what is halal in Islam, melinda, mohammed and their supporters oblige an entire ummah to their claims, requiring a challenge to it's validity.

If they had simply admitted that their entry into a paper marriage was merely a ploy to avoid having to wait out a bureaucratic impediment to a valid marriage before they were intimate with each other, that would not have obligated the entire ummah because Islam would not be an element of their claim to legitimacy.

I said before, have your rolls in the hay before marriage, if you want. Your burdens are yours alone, but don't clock your desires in Islam because that requires daleel, and creates a burden on all other Muslims to speak up or remain silent.


I'm sunni myself and had other conversations about the subject of these types of marriages. We don't consider them valid nor do I condone them. The thing is, I do not chose to attack women who have already done them with the best intentions and possibly not realizing anything was wrong with what they are doing. VW, I see that you want to point out their mistake as you feel it is your duty, but how many times must you continue to point it out before you leave it alone. Also, do you have any suggestions for how they could fix these wrongs. Otherwise it seems counterproductive to continuously assault them. Its over and done with, it can't be fixed. It is better to look at how they can make things right in the future. I can't think of a single hadith I read so far where the prophet (pbuh) spent so much time pointing out anothers mistake and saying it in an insulting way. If you can think of one, please let me know so that I may read it and learn from it. (yes, this is me asking you for help and guidance on your views on Islam so that I may learn from them, of course, you reserve the right not to help me)
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-18 23:14:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
Bridget, you are absolutely right about the honor killings. It is totally cultural. Muslims, Christians, and there was another religion just last year in Iraq that stoned a girl to death for marrying a muslim. I forget the name of her religion. It was something like Yezidi, I think.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-18 08:49:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
QUOTE (HisLittleMasriyah @ Apr 18 2008, 01:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (S and S @ Apr 18 2008, 01:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have been a convert to Islam for about a year now. I studied Islam for years before I made my decision. There is no doubt in my mind it will take the rest of my life to begin to understand everything and even then, I don't think it is possible. I do my best to read the Quran, fatwas, islamic sources, ask questions of real live Imams in mosques, consult my husband and his sources there, books on Islam and the prophet (pbu) and I studied classical arabic, full time, for years. In other words, I can translate the quran, for the most part, by myself, without anyone's help. I will admit that if I don't get an exact point, then I refer to the translation and I bought an enlish/arabic quran that contained explanations for when and why that verse may have been revlealed. I do my best. That is all God expects of me. Over time, inshallah, I hope to become better.

One problem I have run into is judgement by muslim born women. They assume they are better than me because they were born into their religion. They look down on me. I do my best to ignore this. At least I know I made an informed choice about my religion and didn't just go with what my parents told me. Everyone should be confident that their religion is what is closest to their hearts. I was raised Christian, yet I always held doubts and when I asked pointed question, they never got answered. I got to the point I stopped going to church or reading the bible. I just prayed and chose to believe in God. Then I found Islam and felt the peace in my heart. So it hurts me when people claim to be more knowledgeable and better than me just because they are muslim. If you know something I do not, don't make insults at me, or try to make me feel like a horrible person. You should instead be kind and take the opportunity to point out your views and the evidence for that. No one is ever convinced of their wrongs when they are attacked in such a rude way.

I am an open person and always wanting to learn more about my religion. Up to this point, I had not found any evidence supporting that it is okay for muslim women to marry non-muslim men. I know two muslim women married to non-muslim men that both told me what they did is haram. Every muslim I have ever known has told me it is haram. Virtual wife, you are the very first person I met that contradicted that. I don't say you are wrong. In fact, you never asked me why I believed the way I did or give me a chance to defend myself. You just started attacking me from ONE sentence. If you have evidence to present that might change my views than present it in a clear way that is not agrressive or judgemental of who I am. As a good muslim, you should gently correct, not go on the attack and discourage a new convert to Islam.

Though I am sure you know this story, it is a good example of how the prophet (pbuh) corrected people of even the most grave errors:

Anas ibn Malik reports: “God’s messenger was sitting in the mosque with some of his companions when a Bedouin urinated inside the mosque. The Prophet’s companions said: ‘What is going on?’ ‘What are you doing?’ The Prophet said to them: ‘Do not interrupt him.’ He subsequently called the man and said to him: ‘These mosques are not the place where one can throw any dirt, urine or stools. They are meant for reciting the Qur’an, glorifying God and prayer.’ He then called for a bucket of water and he poured it over the urine.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Al-Nassaie, Malik and Ahmad).

Please, if you feel the need to defend your belief, this is fine, but do not attack me in such a way. I hope to only learn more about Islam and not be looked down for not being muslim as long as others, or because I am not arab.


Well said. Advice or correction shud be done in a more tolerant and nice way ... and Allah has said that to the prophet so many times to be gentle and not forceable. Again S and S; Islam is perfect but we re not ... we sin daily and we re only humans and at the end of the day all of us r trying their best. It does get personal unfortunately and strays away from the main point sometimes and leans towards what we want to declair is the truth according to us. I apologise if by any means was rude or forceable. I know what I know from Islamic teachings.. i never waited for anyone to feed me what to believe.


Thankyou HisLittleMasriyah, I appreciate you comment. I try not to take any advice about Islam until I read more on it. I never meant to offend anyone by saying muslim women can't marry non-muslim men. They ayats I read were from my quran, not from some website. As this subject never applied to me, I took the versus mentioned earlier in this forum at face value and did not research them. No one had ever told me anything to contradict what I read so once again, I had no reason to disbelieve in it.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-18 01:51:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
I am sorry, I think you lost my point. I stated my views and why. I also saw no point in typing the ayats again from my personal quran when others have already posted the same on this forum. I told you that I was open to seeing your point of view if you would give me your evidence. So why do I need to continue defending myself when i am giving you the perfect opportunity to show me your views and why I should agree with them. Perhaps I missed your arguments as I have been working long hours and just did my best to read through the 10 pages added to this thread since I was on here last. I will try to look again in the hopes of finding your own arguments.

Of course you are defensive because you have faced so much criticism for your marriage. I recieved a lot of horrible criticism from my husband's family initially because I was American and not a born muslim. I understand that. I recieve criticism from my own family for converting and marrying a muslim, much less and Iraqi. I know all about people judging without good reason.

As for your turning me away from my religion of choice. Please, do not give yourself that kind of credit. No one could do that but myself. I am firm in my religion and will hardly turn from it because some muslims don't like converts and chose to insult them. I've met plenty of other muslims that are accepting of my choices and respect it and try to help me learn more. It is your choice to insult me and try to make me feel bad for not being so "knowledgeable" about Islam. I have no intention of losing sleep over it. I do find it sad that you are so intolerant to helping others to learn Islam and become better. One would think you would welcome people who chose to accept your faith.

Anyway, I thought only to open up a discussion where I could learn your point of view. I am sorry you can't appreciate that and continue to believe I am judging you. I don't presume to judge anyone. Only God can do that. How can I know if you are right or wrong? No human on this earth can be a true judge of what is right or wrong. We can only do what we believe is best and follow what our religion tells us.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-18 01:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
I have been a convert to Islam for about a year now. I studied Islam for years before I made my decision. There is no doubt in my mind it will take the rest of my life to begin to understand everything and even then, I don't think it is possible. I do my best to read the Quran, fatwas, islamic sources, ask questions of real live Imams in mosques, consult my husband and his sources there, books on Islam and the prophet (pbu) and I studied classical arabic, full time, for years. In other words, I can translate the quran, for the most part, by myself, without anyone's help. I will admit that if I don't get an exact point, then I refer to the translation and I bought an enlish/arabic quran that contained explanations for when and why that verse may have been revlealed. I do my best. That is all God expects of me. Over time, inshallah, I hope to become better.

One problem I have run into is judgement by muslim born women. They assume they are better than me because they were born into their religion. They look down on me. I do my best to ignore this. At least I know I made an informed choice about my religion and didn't just go with what my parents told me. Everyone should be confident that their religion is what is closest to their hearts. I was raised Christian, yet I always held doubts and when I asked pointed question, they never got answered. I got to the point I stopped going to church or reading the bible. I just prayed and chose to believe in God. Then I found Islam and felt the peace in my heart. So it hurts me when people claim to be more knowledgeable and better than me just because they are muslim. If you know something I do not, don't make insults at me, or try to make me feel like a horrible person. You should instead be kind and take the opportunity to point out your views and the evidence for that. No one is ever convinced of their wrongs when they are attacked in such a rude way.

I am an open person and always wanting to learn more about my religion. Up to this point, I had not found any evidence supporting that it is okay for muslim women to marry non-muslim men. I know two muslim women married to non-muslim men that both told me what they did is haram. Every muslim I have ever known has told me it is haram. Virtual wife, you are the very first person I met that contradicted that. I don't say you are wrong. In fact, you never asked me why I believed the way I did or give me a chance to defend myself. You just started attacking me from ONE sentence. If you have evidence to present that might change my views than present it in a clear way that is not agrressive or judgemental of who I am. As a good muslim, you should gently correct, not go on the attack and discourage a new convert to Islam.

Though I am sure you know this story, it is a good example of how the prophet (pbuh) corrected people of even the most grave errors:

Anas ibn Malik reports: “God’s messenger was sitting in the mosque with some of his companions when a Bedouin urinated inside the mosque. The Prophet’s companions said: ‘What is going on?’ ‘What are you doing?’ The Prophet said to them: ‘Do not interrupt him.’ He subsequently called the man and said to him: ‘These mosques are not the place where one can throw any dirt, urine or stools. They are meant for reciting the Qur’an, glorifying God and prayer.’ He then called for a bucket of water and he poured it over the urine.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Al-Nassaie, Malik and Ahmad).

Please, if you feel the need to defend your belief, this is fine, but do not attack me in such a way. I hope to only learn more about Islam and not be looked down for not being muslim as long as others, or because I am not arab.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-18 01:10:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
I knew two muslim women that married Christian men. One did against her families wishes so she could not go back home from the US and the other had permission from her family. I think it is a case by case basis though Islam expressly forbids it. Sharia law isn't in the United States so there is nothing in this country to stop them.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-16 05:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
QUOTE (cieloazul @ Apr 15 2008, 10:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (S and S @ Apr 15 2008, 08:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If we can count culture into this conversation. There is one argument me and my husband had about if we had a baby girl and whether he ears would get pierced. I guess in the middle east they like to pierce their ears as babies. Some in America do it and that is their choice, but I don't want it for my daughters (inshallah I have them). I was forced to get my ears pierced at age 4 and hated it. My mother couldn't get me to keep my earings in. Once I was about 9 years old I did want them so my mother had to take me again, but I appreciated them more that time. Mostly, I worry about it causing an infection if I do that to my daughters when they are babies and I don't like to force them into such a luxury without their consent. My husband thinks I'm silly for it, but I know this argument may come back someday if we do have daughters. At least I can prepare my arguments even better by then.


If you do have your daugher's ears pierced when they are babies, your husband should agree to check on them, hold them, walk them, etc. whenever they cry regardless of the time of day or night.


Thankyou, I had been thinking the same thing. I will not go against my husband's wishes, but I will make it his responsibility since he wants it and I don't.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-15 23:24:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
If we can count culture into this conversation. There is one argument me and my husband had about if we had a baby girl and whether he ears would get pierced. I guess in the middle east they like to pierce their ears as babies. Some in America do it and that is their choice, but I don't want it for my daughters (inshallah I have them). I was forced to get my ears pierced at age 4 and hated it. My mother couldn't get me to keep my earings in. Once I was about 9 years old I did want them so my mother had to take me again, but I appreciated them more that time. Mostly, I worry about it causing an infection if I do that to my daughters when they are babies and I don't like to force them into such a luxury without their consent. My husband thinks I'm silly for it, but I know this argument may come back someday if we do have daughters. At least I can prepare my arguments even better by then.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-15 19:33:00
Middle East and North AfricaNon-Muslims married to Muslim MENA
I had converted to Islam before I married my husband, so it helped a lot. There are cases where it works though. It is important to discuss your differences in ideas and opinions with your spouse. Me and my husband discussed a lot before marriage and still find some things after marriage, but most are cultural differences more than religious.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-15 19:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA married to Americans...
QUOTE (Rocketta @ Apr 21 2008, 01:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (sereia @ Apr 21 2008, 12:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Absolutely! Its very exciting and wonderful to have your spouse finally here! I'm glad you are clear on what you are willing/not willing to accept. Buttttttttt... what will happen if he changes his mind? Are you going to just throw him back on a plane if he doesn't like your pet, your male friends, or (insert thing here)? Trust me, its not that easy. I had things I was crystal freaking clear on. But once he got here and things changed...its not so easy to say you still demand something and they demand the opposite. Then what? unsure.gif


I won't throw him out over the cat but I wouldn't get rid of my cat either. I would just give him the choice to live with a cat or not. I wouldn't force him to do something he wouldn't want to do. Hopefully, my husband will get refuge status therefore his ability to stay will not depend on me. No pressure on either of us. wink.gif There are many things I will compromise on and he knows that and he's the same but he also understands there are some things that are non-negotiable. We've discussed them. When I was there he tried me a couple of times though he could ge3t me to change my mind but that's not easy trust me. laughing.gif


I am glad things are moving forward on my husband's refugee status since it will make him less dependent on me. They will even help him find work! Yet at least I know he will be with me for me and for nothing else though I have never doubted him in the least. Mostly I like that he is coming on refugee so no one else can say he married me for the visa. I get so sick of that question. They don't even know him, they just assume.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-21 13:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA married to Americans...
QUOTE (estadia @ Apr 21 2008, 01:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (S and S @ Apr 21 2008, 01:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
One issue myself and my husband discuss often is swimming. You know in America that women wear practically nothing to swim. When I was Christian I tried to be careful, but it was nothing compared to what my husband expects of me and now that I am muslim. You see, swimming is in my blood, and much of my father's side of the family are natural born swimmers who competed. I haven't gone swimming since I converted to Islam, mostly lack of opportunity, but it is a huge issue. My husband says if I go swimming then I must have my body covered as in arms, shoulders, back, stomach, legs, etc. Of course this is limiting and will draw a lot of attention at the pool so it makes me not want to swim at all. We have discussed some ideas like finding a place that has women only swimming times or eventually getting a small, above ground pool for our backyard some day where I will have more privacy. It is a huge thing to give up though. Even then, I don't give it up as much for him as I do for religious reasons. I knew some things were going to be hard if I converted and I do my best to accept the good with the bad.





i will look for the site tonight but there is a site that caters to muslim womens swim wear.......they really look pretty nice to tell u the truth.....we swim at home in one of those mmm lol cheap target or walmart pools sure is not as good but gets the heat off lol


Thankyou, I would appreciate the help! Also, cheap small pool is better than no pool, you are absolutely right.

Edited by S and S, 21 April 2008 - 01:15 PM.

S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-21 13:15:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA married to Americans...
One issue myself and my husband discuss often is swimming. You know in America that women wear practically nothing to swim. When I was Christian I tried to be careful, but it was nothing compared to what my husband expects of me and now that I am muslim. You see, swimming is in my blood, and much of my father's side of the family are natural born swimmers who competed. I haven't gone swimming since I converted to Islam, mostly lack of opportunity, but it is a huge issue. My husband says if I go swimming then I must have my body covered as in arms, shoulders, back, stomach, legs, etc. Of course this is limiting and will draw a lot of attention at the pool so it makes me not want to swim at all. We have discussed some ideas like finding a place that has women only swimming times or eventually getting a small, above ground pool for our backyard some day where I will have more privacy. It is a huge thing to give up though. Even then, I don't give it up as much for him as I do for religious reasons. I knew some things were going to be hard if I converted and I do my best to accept the good with the bad.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-21 13:10:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA married to Americans...
QUOTE (brnidokiegurl @ Apr 20 2008, 07:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Mine is not here yet but i have picked up on the family differences....there are time i could care less to see my married kids ha or how im not all in their life....this is new to him as his sister and her husband and baby come back to the family home most every weekend. I told him no way will that happen here especially living in the same city.

Money im sure he will like to help when he can but i believe he does understand we will not be rich either.

Food, i try to explain many things, he said he will try if he dont like he just wont like and wont eat. With the meats he said he perfers if we can find if not then ok.

Chores...for now he SAYS he will more than willing to help so we will see, i know when i was there he is good to do trash and clean kitchen. Since he is also little spoiled not sure on the real cleaning scrubbing or cooking but he does sound interested to do the outside yard and make it pretty

Work now he is his own boss, i explained rules of work and you wont go home at lunch for 2 hours to eat and have your rest time, and you will do what boss says even if u dont like or be fired.

Also one thing i get often is the cost of things. He feels this attitude to get a pair of jeans for say 60. and i say no way will i spend that much for jeans. They feel (which is true to some point) i think the more you pay and brand that they will be ohhhhhhhh so fine. I told him only to make himself feel special because no one else will know the cost or care here. Maybe me but i have to buy what i can afford....and for sure he cant afford this thought there and i for sure told him get rid of it before come here.


Last time I was in Oklahoma City I couldn't find any halal type stores there which was odd since there is such a nice new mosque on the NW side of the city. At least you have an arab population there so he will not feel like he is completely out of place.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-20 19:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA married to Americans...
QUOTE (aisha kandisha @ Apr 20 2008, 04:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How about expectations on support/assistance for the family back home?

QUOTE (sarahaziz @ Apr 20 2008, 05:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ohh, you're really gonna have to make him understand that thing with having Homosexual Friends. Not only are they male (which he won't accept his woman having) they also have an alternative sexual preference which is hated by MENA men/women.


Not by all, and there are plenty of people with alternative sexual preferences in the Middle East/North Africa.


Apparently there are none in Iran According to Ahmadnajid unsure.gif
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-20 19:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA married to Americans...
I have my husband convinced that I married him entirely so I can have someone to take out the trash. When I was with him in the middle east I would remind him all the time to take out the trash, lol. I tried to tell him that I also married him to do other outside chores, but he is convinced that the true reason is so I don't have to take out the trash.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-20 18:59:00
Middle East and North AfricaArab Bashing
Does anyone remember the tales of marriages in Gretna Green around the border of England and Scotland? That was the Christian version of getting around impossible marriages. You can google "Gretna Green" if you don't know what I am talking about.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-19 11:25:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
QUOTE (peezey @ Apr 21 2008, 10:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (brnidokiegurl @ Apr 21 2008, 09:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You tell me if a shop keeper ignores a patron (in some areas) it wont cause trouble. It happens everyday someone just looks at someone wrong and gets shot doesnt even have to be a reason.. the rules they have there wont work here....not everyone here is nice, then you add in the mix of a minority



Again, you should move away. You live in a very unfortunate place if people get randomly shot where you live.


Peezy, there are certain areas in every place of this country that it could happen like "brnidokiegurl" said. On the other hand, I once ran out of gas in Oklahoma and people helped me push my car into the gas station and paid to put gas in it. I was young and just starting out driving so it was a mistake on my part to miscalculate the gas. Thank God, good, kind Oklahoman's will help each other. Last time I was in Oklahoma someone else ran out of gas and remembering what someone did for me, I gave him $20 so he could fill his tank.

Can you say the same for where you are from?
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-21 12:29:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
QUOTE (julianna @ Apr 20 2008, 12:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Mohammed and Melinda,

Sarahaziz, S and S, etc were just trying to give friendly advice and calm down the situation. I think what Sarah was aiming at as well was that you need to learn to keep your cool in the US when someone says something to you you don't agree with or even if you feel slandered. Keeping respect is important, and not going into name-calling is also important. Sometimes, if you cannot keep your cool, the mature thing to do is walk away in certain situations. This isn't a life-threatening thing, so you have a lot of options-- a lot more than fighting. It isn't nice to list a lot of things you collected on Sarah either when she is only trying to help you. What does it matter if she wants a Hebrew name? All your prophets have Hebrew-based names translated into Arabic. Arabic doesn't make it Islamic. An Islamic name is made by its meaning or association. Berating her on personal choice is exactly what you are trying to defend yourself against in regards to Virtual Wife. Just breathe and cool down a bit, and maybe take a break. This forum will still be here later if you want to hash it out.


Well said Julianna!
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-20 12:24:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
QUOTE (mohamed N melinda @ Apr 20 2008, 10:32 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (S and S @ Apr 20 2008, 05:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Please, lets keep it calm in this forum or they will lock it up.


she fail to show the evidence which support her accuse.
i think all of you now she is lier and it is shame on her to use islam for personal attack and personal desire. i hope she ask forgivness be4 it is too late for her

where is the brave american mam virtual wife to answer the questions. /////////
?????????
???????????

she better admit she was wrong and aplogize in this time we might forgive her and understand that she was under stress but no more pretend mam


Mohamed, I am not taking sides here. I am just asking to keep it calm so the forum doesn't get locked up. I understand you want to defend your wife. If my husband was on here and thought someone was attacking me, he would do the same. On another site, a guy tried to send me a PM and my husband lost it and attacked him on the forum for trying to PM a muslim married woman. That was an Islamic site so he felt the guy should have known better.

Please, all I am asking is for you to present your case in a calm manner so we can continue this thread.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-20 11:19:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
Sorry, I'm not voting for Pepsi or Diet Coke, I am truly a Dr Pepper fan. My husband laughs at me when I call it Tabib Filfil (the literal translation for Doctor Pepper in arabic). He didn't get it at first because there is no Dr Pepper in the middle east, but I showed him the bottle on camera so now he gets it when I say that.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-20 11:14:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
Please, lets keep it calm in this forum or they will lock it up.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-20 10:22:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Apr 19 2008, 07:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>


just kidding,,,i get it


Jackie,

You always manage to give me a good laugh when reading through the arguments, thanks for that!
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-19 19:55:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
The more I read these arguments, the more I think these topics are getting beaten to death. All the arguments have been posted and mostly everything is getting repeated at this time. We have established that some people believe this temporary marriage was the best solution to their problems. Some people agree with this, others don't. The point is that the couples who did the temporary marriage have every intention of marrying legally as soon as they are able. Obviously this means they recognize the fact they need a more solid marriage contract. Nothing can fix their current situation so it is pointless to continue berrating them for their past choices. I think they are fully aware of them now if they weren't already. The K-1 visa will not work to get a MENA man into the US unless he really does intend to marry legally once he arrives so it is not using the woman in the same way as it is when there are temporary marriages within Egypt just for pleasure. Soon, inshallah, they will be legally married and no one can question them again for their choices.

As for whether or not a muslim woman can marry a non-muslim man, all the points have been made for this too. We can look at all the ahadith and Quranic ayats and find nothing is exactly clear and must be implied. Perhaps only God knows what is the right answer or the wrong. Is it generally better to marry from within your own religion for the sake of harmony in the marriage and less confusion for children? Yes, it is generally better. Yet there are cases where men and women made it work out and felt little of the religious differences. If the man and woman of different religions follow the guidance of God/Allah and do their best to live their life in a pure way, then maybe there is no harm in it. Can anyone truly be for sure what it is God/Allah wants?

So you say what you think is right and you feel you pointed out a wrong and then you move on. Lets stop beating these topics to death and hurting each other. Lets set the example for peace among Islam and not prove everyone else right about their views on muslims. It would be far better to unite and show a good face for Islam so that people will see it in a good light and stop judging it to be such a hate filled religion.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-19 10:56:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
What I am interested in is exactly what happens in "Sunni misyar". What is written down, how does it work, that sort of thing.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-19 02:06:00
Middle East and North AfricaMuta marriage in Egypt
I am going to move this topic away from the thread "non-muslims married to muslim MENA" so we can continue this conversation without disturbing the original topic. Sorry Rocketta that we went so far off topic.

Anyway, as far as "Muta marriage" goes. I will have to do some research and study before I can come to my own conclusions. One question I have for those who did these marriages is how exactly you went about it and what were the stipulations of the contract. It would help me greatly to understand what this kind of marriage is and how it works. I would appreciate any feedback you give.
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-19 01:19:00
Middle East and North AfricaMonday!
Happy Monday to you all. Unfortunately I must get my insomniac self to bed, I have to work tommorow sad.gif
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-21 01:37:00
Middle East and North AfricaMy husband got the visa!!!!
I am so happy for you too! I have read some of your posts and seen that you've been having such a hard time. This is such great news for you. I wish you a happy and bright future!
S and SFemaleIraq2008-04-21 15:47:00