biggish data

QUOTE (?JP? @ Jul 14 2008, 06:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (desert_fox @ Jul 14 2008, 04:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (*Marilyn* @ Jul 14 2008, 05:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

why do we need to know all the details ?

gee dummy me...and all the time I thought that the OP wanted to know why her FIL was inadmissible. Even hiring an attorney.

Maybe I misunderstood. Personally I could care less....happens dozens of times every day.

She does want to know...that doesn't mean she wants to share it here or has to.

Exactly!

You can't demand information and then wonder why you didn't get it.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-14 18:09:00

QUOTE (*Marilyn* @ Jul 14 2008, 05:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

why do we need to know all the details ?

Good question!

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-14 18:01:00

The thing I keep thinking is not that security doesn't have reasons to suspect someone or question them. It is within their rights if they find something suspicious or not within guidelines. What I keep wondering is if there is ever a reason for our homeland security personnel to treat someone the way the FIL was treated. Is it really okay to yell at relatives if they simply ask a question. Is it really okay to put someone in jail without charges. I keep thinking most people treat their animals with more respect than CBP did with that man. I'm not concerned with why the FIL was detained. Obviously they had a reason of some sort. My question is regardless of why they are detained, do they have the right to treat people in such deplorable ways. Is this what our security personnel have been reduced to? That they can't even be professional? I think this is what is bothering people the most.

Most people have no problem answering questions or even a delay if it is really necessary. Our only concern is that we aren't treated guilty before we even know what we are being accused of. Arresting people or detaining them should require a reasonable explanation. The person should not be kept in uncomfortable conditions, they should be provided food and water as necessary and be allowed to rest if held for long periods. It really is sad that death row inmates can be afforded more comfort than someone that may have caused some ever so slight suspicion.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 21:58:00

QUOTE (Rajaa_Reda @ Jul 13 2008, 08:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (KimandRuss @ Jul 13 2008, 05:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ahem....

QUOTE (KimandRuss @ Jul 12 2008, 01:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Follow the links Rebecca posted. The only way these sad excuses for human beings will be stopped is if those effected stand united.

Even if there was a logical reason to deny this gentleman entry into the Country or allow him to withdraw his request to enter ...we are a dignified nation. Yes, we are trying to protect our borders and I respect that but there is no need for abuse of power.

There is no reason or excuse that an elderly man should be treated that way. He was detained far too long, his family knew nothing of what was going on and had blood in his mouth... that's all I need to know. I'm quite sure he would have admitted had he bit his tongue.

There is no reason a young woman should be detained in a jail cell and denied her medication and end up in the hospital because of it.

Russell was denied entry. He was brought into a private room where he had to wait a while. He was offered water, he answered questions and signed a form. He was offerered tissues, advice.... and compassion before he was sent on his way.

What has happened is barbaric ...it's obviously an issue with that POE... it's obviously an issue with people on power trips... and that is the problem here and that is the reason we show some compassion....even when offering great insight. I don't think the bickering is doing the OP, or anybody else, any good. She's been in this process a long, long time so i'm sure she understands the legalities of how it all works. I think everyone is on the same page in that abuse of any kind should not be tolerated. It's really that simple... there is right..and there is wrong.

Similar situation with a dear friend of mine waited a year and a half for her husband from Pakistan to get here. When he finally made it to Seatac airport she was there to meet him but couldn't find him. She waited for two hours in the airport noone would tell her anything.

She started making phone calls on her cell and was greeted with security officals and told her to come with them. She kept asking do you know where my husband is.. she tried so hard not to cry and plead with them... they ignored her and continued walking. She finally was brought into a room where sat her husband. 1 door a table and two chairs... she rushed to him crying. They talked but her husband talked in hushed tones.... 30 min. later they let them both out of the room and said "we believe you two" and sent them on their way.

This is the story I got from my friend just a couple of weeks ago when her husband made it here. To this day he doesn't speak about what happened from the time he got off the plane to the time she saw him. He and she are just thankful to have made it.

It makes me wonder how many are "thankful for making it" that have stories that should be heard???

Anyway, just wondering.....

Oh, I pray none of our husbands have to go through that or their families. Thanks for sharing that story.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 20:56:00

QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 13 2008, 05:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (*Marilyn* @ Jul 13 2008, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think we should all step away from the thread and take a few deep breaths

Good idea. My time is too precious to offer help where it is not appreciated.

Honestly, you did try to point out some valid reasons and some information about how the process works. Which would have been fine and helpful. I don't think it was ever about that. The problem was with how you presented it. This is a sensitive time where emotions are high. The way you presented your information came off sounding unfeeling and harsh. It would be like a doctor telling someone their father is dead and offering no compassion, just start asking questions about what he did in his last days. You just need a little tact when offering information to someone who is obviously upset. I think if you had, the information would have been well recieved. I remember thinking from the beginning that you made good points, but that you really came off so cold that it was hard to want to see your points.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 18:01:00

QUOTE (rebeccajo @ Jul 13 2008, 02:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

N -

I saw that post. I'm speaking of since then - since Diaddie further clarified her position.

Do we operate under the assumption here that someone isn't allowed to reasonably explain what they meant? It looks to me like allousa asked Diaddie more questions and she has since answered them, but allousa has not been back.

'Support' doesn't mean raging at others while the OP is absent from the thread.

It also doesn't mean one member is allowed to tell other members how to feel. Which is exactly what Diaddie is doing. We have the right to feel outrage even if she does not.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 15:12:00

QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 13 2008, 12:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (ME~n~HIM @ Jul 13 2008, 01:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 13 2008, 12:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (ME~n~HIM @ Jul 13 2008, 01:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow, you're hardcore, Diaddie.... and brutal.

Hardcore and brutal? What is hardcore and brutal about providing information that outlines DHS's legal authority? I think you are improperly judging me, rather than looking at the situation objectively....which is ironic, because it is exactly that, an alleged and improper judgement that is outraging you. Do you not see that?

Clearly I do not. I still think you're pretty hardcore and brutal.... so sue me. Have you no compassion? I guess it's just all business w/ you..... Good thing there are plenty of others who are compassionate, which in my feeble assumption, is what Allousa is needing now. As Sara said, she seems to be getting the legal advice she needs elsewhere.

Oh I see...so you are comparing my factual offering to the OP as heinous and brutal, I suppose, and just like the inappropriate treatment of her FIL? Now who is being brutal? The fact is that my post to direct Allousa to the regulations with respect to CBP and DHS's authority is not legal advice, it is designed to provide her with knowledge as to what events can precipitate an ER. By the way, Me~n~Him, how do you conclude that I have no compassion? One thing is certain, I do not judge people, I am not prejudiced and that, my dear, I am afraid I can't say about you!

While I agree it is good to know the regulations and what priveledges these officers have and anyone coming to the United States for a visa, I believe many of the priveledges for the officers were broadened after September 11th. Of course we wanted to see more secure boarders and airport security. These officers have the tough job of weading through everyone at the point of entry to determine if anyone is trying to enter illegally. Now, there are other countries which I will not name that I expect them to be tough a treat anyone they suspect with disrespect and maltreatment. What I find sad is that we have reduced ourselves to that level. That even on the slightest evidence (and I read all your examples) that this calls for treating not just the FIL but the MIL, Allousa and her husband this way is absolutely ridiculous. To allow a infant to wear a filthy diper for hours on end and force the mother to beg just to go get another one? I think when you start forcing other people who are not coming into the United States to be questioned and harrassed then they do have the right to know why. The laws may very well allow these officers to do exactly what you say they can, but if that is the case then I am deeply disturbed that our country has been reduced to this level. That we are becomming nothing short of a police state and no one is even crying out to stop it before it goes too far. There is always a right way and a wrong way. I've been in positions of authority where I could have done things worse than these guys do and no one would have stopped me, but my morals and belief in basic human rights always kept me from doing such horrible things. We weren't there, we don't know all the facts, but if it was your mother or father treated this way and you could only go by what they told you, would you just sit back and feel nothing? If you heard these same accounts but about your parents, could you just tell them that is standard procedure?

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 13:23:00

QUOTE (diadromous mermaid @ Jul 12 2008, 07:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (allousa @ Jul 10 2008, 01:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Keep in mind that his father is 70 and mother 65 and only his father speaks a very small amount of English.

Is it at all possible that your FIL misunderstood a line of questioning in secondary inspection, that precipitated the CBP agents to believe that he was misusing his visa?

Techically, this is expedited removal, rather than deportation, btw.

I don't see how anything her FIL could have said made him deserve that kind of treatment. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. It is something I would expect of some other countries, but I would like to think we are better than that.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-12 19:36:00

QUOTE (julianna @ Jul 10 2008, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Also any lawyer worth $10 should know to check and see if his rights were violated under US law. There is a misconception that non-citizens or legal residents have no rights under the law-- but that's not true. Our constitution guarantees rights to all peoples (although we can only enforce them here

) and so it is possible to violate the "self evident" truths amongst other things. There was an issue about this earlier this year here where they locked and FORGOT about a woman who is illegally here, in a holding cell, and left/forgot about her for 3+ days-- no food or water, etc. The amazing part is the officer who did this was just suspended, not fired. Point being, there was a lot of talk about how illegal or not, she still was guaranteed various rights and could sue-- although she chose to not do it.

That is horrible what they did to that woman. How do you forget to feed and give water to a prisoner? Legal or illegal, it is not right. God, in some states people can go to jail for not feeding or giving water to animals. One would think a human could expect at least the same rights as an animal.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-10 21:16:00

QUOTE (sarahaziz @ Jul 10 2008, 08:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I still can't forget about this story with Allousa. I'm just so sick at how a human could treat another human so badly. I don't understand why they couldn't ask for more fees or whatnot instead of deporting their Father. Very disgusted and I'm not too sure if I want my mother in law to come thru that kind of border protection.

I've thought of that too. I even worry for my husband. I would like to think we are better than that in America.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-10 20:52:00

I am so sorry for what happened to you. God, I felt horrible reading your story and the one from Alexandra. No one should be treated like that. I understand national security, but the department of homeland security should still be held accountable for their actions and how they treat people. So much of this was entirely unnecessary. I wonder how those people would feel if their parents were treated like that. I am sure they would be upset then. There was a movie I watched not too long ago called "Rendition" where an American woman's husband who was Egyptian was coming back from a trip and got held up in customs. The guy held dual citizenship and still they deported him to Egypt and put him in a secret US prison there where they tortured him. It was a fiction movie, but it really scared me to think if that ever really happened.

I hope that you are successful in your case and that word gets out that people can't be treated this way with little or no evidence. God, they world already has a bad impression of American policies without this having to add to it.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-10 18:51:00

Monday....

I've never been one to wear make-up on me and even when I do, I keep it light. The other problem I found was how any woman could maintain their make-up if they pray five times a day. This means your washing it off at least a couple times during the middle of the day and having to reapply it. I just don't care about make-up enough to go through the trouble. Instead I just wear it for a special occassion or just for my husband (yeah, I can only let him see it on camera, but he likes when I try to look nice for him on camera since it is all we have right now).

I never tried Bare Essentials, but I do use a mineral powder similar to it that was recommended to me by a lady at the spa (I was given a gift certificate to the spa for my birthday a few years back). The powder works great with the Pevonia moisturizer lotion I also still use from the same place. If I really want to look nice then I use Estee Lauder. Its expensive, but I can buy one set of make-up and make it last for two or three years easily.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-14 23:53:00

QUOTE (charlesandnessa @ Jul 13 2008, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (Happy Bunny @ Jul 13 2008, 07:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

When I was first married to my ex, I bought a 5 gallon jar of spicy golden mustard at Costco. It was practically NOTHING per ounce!

When I left him, almost 5 years later...I took my mustard with me

True story!

you're supposed to cut the mustard, not keep the mustard.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 20:57:00

QUOTE (?JP? @ Jul 13 2008, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 13 2008, 04:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (?JP? @ Jul 13 2008, 06:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So last night huuby and I went grocery shopping. We spent about $75 and this is what we got:

English muffins
Milk
Eggs
Donut holes
Cookies
3 12 pks of soda
1 case water
3 apricots
4 nectarines
4 bananas
3 plums

Thats it. I can't believe how expensive eveything is and we didn't even buy meat! How you ladies grocery shop to feed a family without breaking the bank?

Nice change of subject, lol. Personally, I am starting to look for ways to save on food myself so thats a good question!

With the baby on the way, it's actually starting to freak me out. I think if I wanted to fully stock my fridge weekly, it would cost me about $200-$250 a week. I have no clue how to portion things out or how to save money on things. I always buy whats on sale but it doesn't seem to make any difference.

I know what you mean. I guess I should start cutting out those coupons, but half the time they are for things I don't need or want.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 18:16:00

QUOTE (?JP? @ Jul 13 2008, 06:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nice change of subject, lol. Personally, I am starting to look for ways to save on food myself so thats a good question!

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 18:13:00

Happy Sunday! I hope everyone has a great day today. I need to go to bed soon myself, I am getting so tired.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-13 01:48:00

Tuesday

QUOTE (just_Jackie @ Jul 15 2008, 07:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Tickets suck. How much is that hidden sign going to cost you ?

jJ

HI tamara!

Not sure, they don't write it on the ticket so I'll find out when I go to pay it.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-15 07:50:00

Tuesday

Good morning MENA! I hope everyone has a good day. Other than same old, same old at work, I have to go pay for a speeding ticket

The sign was hidden that dropped the speed limit and I never saw it in all the times I drove past it. Even the cop acknowledged that no one ever sees it, but that didn't stop him from giving me the ticket!

QUOTE (ks71905 @ Jul 15 2008, 07:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

carrie, i agree, i got up at 5am to shower while zaid was still asleep, well then I laid back down from 6-630 and now i cant get going..i have to leave here in about 20 mins, thankfully ill have time to pick up some fuel...aka DUNKIN DONUTS COFFEE...

Yep Jack, I saw the weather...too bad im stuck wearing a black suit til 2pm...i wish TCF bank was like chase or wamu...they let their employees wear uniform polos...my life would be so much easier if that was the case

hmmmm, I love Dunkin Donuts coffee!

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-15 07:40:00

QUOTE (TamaraLovesAdam @ Jul 16 2008, 10:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Im saying it with a laugh...

You can get more excitement in that sometimes than you can get an AMEN in a church service...

* from one baptist to another*

lol, that is so true. My mother's family is all pentacostal and they didn't find my conversion to Islam funny at all. The only reason I didn't have more problems with it is they know I am stubborn and hard headed. I am the only one who keeps them up to date on my part of the family so if they turned their backs on me, they would lose their source for news. I have always lived my life according to what I thought was best so they gave up trying to influence me one way or another. I always prove my decisions work out for me and I never ask for help. They know they have no choice but to accept it, but I know they don't like it.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-17 01:37:00

QUOTE (sarahaziz @ Jul 11 2008, 08:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I in the kindest way possible will try to say when you absorb your husbands ways (culture,beliefs) and lose yourself you will lose everything. I believe whatever problems I've had or will have it's entirely my fault at how I respond to situations and how I went into that kind of situation. Small things I see happening with some people on this board is trying to change themselves to adjust to their men's lives. If you as a woman can't be yourself and speak what you desire then you're not in a loving relationship. You're in a dominating relationship where your spouse is the beneficiary and you're suffering or feel incomplete - That eventually leads to hard feelings.

I think that if you'd SPEAK up to your husband explain to him your exact situation and shoes instead of babying him and trying to be something your not he will listen and understand you. Again, I really do feel for any woman going through this kind of thing because it all boils down to wanting love. When you're real with somebody they will appreciate you more. If I were in your place I'd speak up without being scared that he will leave.

I'd fight to give my kids and myself a wonderful life and cater to their needs before taking care of any man who could possibly go or stay. This is my honest opinion and thoughts. I hope things work out before a divorce is considered.

I think that is good advice

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-11 20:52:00

QUOTE (Staashi @ Jul 11 2008, 07:32 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 10 2008, 08:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You think you got problems (outside of pregnancy)? Try having to explain to your spouse's family why your president is destroying their country, why your army is occupying their country, why they have lost EVERYTHING because of a war they didn't start or want. My husband's family only has what they could carry with them. It is a miracle I ever got them to except me. As far as background goes, I really don't agree with you. My husband and his family have been through a lot more than you can ever imagine, but they keep their pride and respect. Despite him seeing countless dead bodies on the street, watching friends get blown up, watching store owners clean someone's brains off their store sign as if it is an every day event, my husband keeps his sense of humor, his love, and his respect. He had never been allowed to surf the internet prior to 2003 and countless other adjustments he has made over the last few years as he moves around. Yet him and his family treated me with the utmost respect and care when I visited. They are open to the fact I have a different culture. My husband keeps an open mind to everything I tell him even if he doesn't agree with it. Every man is different. Each man will have to adjust in his own individual way regardless of how they were raised or where they came from. I don't insult my husband's country or his way of life. That is not fair to him. I respect our differences and remain open to different ways of doing things. Iraq may be a mess right now, but that doesn't mean there aren't perfectly good people in it. I cannot imagine bashing my husband's country over the internet for things he cannot help.

Be grateful your husband has the option to go back to his country and visit family. Try to see the bright side of things and stop making so many excuses for his adjustment. Just let it happen and be patient. You chose the man you would marry for better or worse. You knew where he came from and what his background was so any adjustments he has to make should have been obvious. I am sorry for your troubles and hope they do get better, especially because you are pregnant and need his love and patience too.

Bless you S and S...I can't imagine how hard this must be for you or your husband. It is so difficult to be at war, and more so in a war that is highly suspect and questionable and to try to deal with your in-laws...I would want to apologize all the time.

Good luck to you and your husband...may his homeland know peace soon. God Bless.

Thankyou Stashi, I appreciate your kind words. I will say they don't blame the general American public. They see all the anti-war protests in America on the news. It is just that they ask me why I think this is happening and my opinion. What can I say? I really for so bad for their losses.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-11 08:05:00

QUOTE (Hanging in there @ Jul 10 2008, 02:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (esmatsgirl @ Jul 10 2008, 01:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Another thing to think about is that alot of our husbands are new to relationships altogether. My husband had never been intimate with another woman or had a relationship with another woman. He is completely new to the whole relationship thing and what it means. I know in my first marriage I had to teach my ex husband all of this stuff and he was American...they all go through training, sort of in the beginning of being in a mature relationship. So, if certain things are important for you, you need to share this with him so that he understands all of this and can be everything you want him to be as a husband....and he needs to understand you and what you go through. I noticed a lot of women in these situations taking on a lot more than they should trying to be the super-wife, only to get frustrated and mad later on when the love bug wears off that now they have come back down to earth and they are still doing everything for everyone. Make the expectations clear from the beginning.....esp where housework and responsibilities are concerned.

I give my husband a lot of advice now....before we are actually together to set the stage for when we are. He comes from a family of 12 brothers and sisters and his slightly older sister is still living in the home and between her and his mom, they do all the work around the house. And yes, of course neither of them work. I informed him recently that when he comes he will be expected to do 50/50 on the inside housework and all of the outside (uard) work and the cars. He raised his eyebrows with a big smile on his face...and agreed. I told him that if things work out to the point where I no longer have to work I will be happy to do all the housework...and he will still take care of the outside and cars. He also agreed to that. I think it is important to get your expectations out in the open before he arrives....which is what I am attempting to do.

As far as husbands wanting you to keep it secret if they help you, I find that to be a little strange !!! My husband is proud of anything and everything he does for me because it shows that he is doing all he can to take care of me and that is what he wants everyone to know, his family and mine. Now when we were in Jordan and some of his little nieces and nephews were around and I took a little of his "power" from him in front of them he took me to the side and explained that he is so strong and powerful in front of them and yes, he is melting for me but for them he wants to keep feeling he is so powerful and strong. I understood this but also told him that it is nice to be different than other men and they may actually appreciate if you are more sweet and loving than strong and powerful. He never thought of it like that before and has been enjoying their smiles and being sweet since then. Many men...not just MENA...come from a family of macho men who dominate and teach dominance....they come from all over the world. If we want our men to be more understanding, etc., etc. we may have to teach them this...as they have not been taught yet.

I know that a lot of misunderstandings can come from the language difference...that is so true. Last week I was talking online to my husband with video and there was too much noise on the line so we both muted our mics and were typing. We were discussing something...I don't even remember what it was but my response was a sarcastic "whatever" to him. Well, a few days ago, we were discussing something online again with typing and I had made a comment and he responded "whatever". At first, I took it wrong and was sort of shocked he was getting sort of an attitude and saying "whatever" to me!!! So I asked him, why did you say "whatever"? And he told me "it means yes, right"? So, not only did he not sense my attitude to him when I used it on him the first time...he thought it was an agreeing statement, the equivalent to saying yes. Hahahahaha! This is just one tiny example of how we could possibly be teaching them the very things that will later tick us off if we take it out of the context in which it was truly meant to be. And with hormones flying all over...this is so easy to happen to any of us, pregnant or not!

I have noticed a lot of people here struggling with what their husbands will do when they come here or now that they are here, how in the world are they going to find a job that is going to suit them. My husband and I decided a long time ago that he will not work for anyone but himself. Not only is it easier because of the language barrier...it helps with the self confidence issues that can come from working for someone else, vs. being your own boss. He owned an internet cafe in Jordan and when he comes here he (we) will also own our own business, eventually. Even if we have to start small at first until we build up enough cash to do something great....we will do that together. I have a great business mind and so does he...so together I am sure we will do something amazing. Perhaps if your husband is having difficulty finding work, instead of just sitting around being frustrated he can work with you to discover something he can do to start bringing in some cash and who knows, it may lead to something fantastic. For example, when my husband first gets here we will order a shipment of clothing...some abayas and hijabs as well as some more (US style) modern clothing and he will go to a local flea market and sell them as new items twice a week. We already have our suppliers and prices worked out and are just waiting for him to come to get started. He has something to look forward to for work already. Another thing we will do as soon as he gets here is we will sell the house I currently have and we will buy one with a retail business downstairs and some apartments upstairs. This will allow us to have our business where we live and once we make enough money where we can move out of the apartment, we can then rent it out and have even more cash coming in every month. I know not everyone can do this...I am fortunate enough to have a decent job...don't make gobs of money but do ok...and good enough credit to qualify for a mortgage. I am so grateful for that. It will help me to help us get started in our future endeavors.

I hope some of these ideas and thoughts are helpful. I don't want anyone to take anything I said wrong...I noticed that a lot on these boards lately there have been a lot of misunderstandings and stepping on people's toes, taking sides, etc....I love this subject as it is the next step in the immigration process for us...the culture shock issues. Please keep the experiences and ideas coming to help us all when we need it and also help us to feel some comraderie as we are all basically going through the same process albeit with very different people and personalities.

Deb

I completely disagree that this is all personality based. Morocco has never been completely occupied by an invading force, did not lose over a million people to genocide and then did not experience a muslim on muslim civil war resulting in the murders rape and kidnapping of over 100,000 people with a civil war still raging. There is absolutely no country in MENA with the history of genocide or war torn situation other than Iraq and even Palestine differs in that they were occupied and remain occupied. I completely disagree that you could even begin to compare some of the countries in MENA with the way that they will react to things. For example, in Morocco, Jews can freely enter and exit, homosexuality while not accepted is tolerated in some places like Marrakesh even encouraging Gay tourist groups to visit. You dont have to wait 2 to 3 months for a visa and Americans can freely travel and enter and exit. Same for Jordan , same for Egypt.

This has nothing to do with arabs or anything else. Its moving from abject poverty from a society that doesnt even have a working ATM system ( like less than 20 working ATMS in the whole country) and no movie theatres, constant terrorism and someone wants to tell me that this does not have any affect on how someone would adjust to the USA? Hogwash. Try EVERYTHING is different. Everything from the smallest thing to the largest thing. I had a medical emergency and my daughter had surgery there and it was literally a war zone in the hospital and my daughter received care like I have never seen and has a frankstein like scar across her head. Morocco is PROGRESSIVE compared to the poverty I saw.

My husband HUMDULLILAH is finally adjusting ,making friends and fitting in. Everything has been a struggle and I could literally sense fear in every bone in his body when he came. He thought the dishwasher was a place to store dishes... he didnt realise it turned on. He didnt understand most of anything when he came here.. stores were overwhelming

I think where you are coming from ABSOLUTELY has tons to do with how you adjust. I think being in a metropolitan area helps because there are lot of arabs close by and public transportation is simple and easy to get on and off on. Thats got to help loads

As far as moving, I own a house and I have 7 months pregnant. I cant do much of anything other than work and support my family. I have perhaps had a harder than normal adjustment due to the fact my husband really had never seen all of the tech advances and had very clear ideas about what men and women do. He is now adjusting and helping and things are much better..

Its not personality ,... Its background. I think how you are treated has EVERYTHING to do with what they are coming out of. Of course someone with exposure to foreigners and tourists, even English is going to be more open minded. My husband DID NOT MEET ME TROLLING THE NET. He met me there. Big difference. He did not have English skills either. He is in English school here. But he did experience a high level of daily stress and spent his childhood watching people blown up with their heads cut off and served in a anti terrorist unit. This is bound to affect your take on life, the USA, foreign people and your ability to adjust. Just sleeping on a matress or drinking water is a new thing. He used to have to haul water up 4 flights just to have safe water to drink. Of course this place is a culture shock

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-10 19:39:00

I wonder if that is just a trait of some men to not get gifts rather than being a MENA thing because my husband really tries to get me gifts, even if they aren't big ones. The only thing I ever asked for was a stuffed animal (I told him to pick one he liked) and he got me a stuffed dog. It was an inside joke because he keeps telling me he will get a dog to deal with my cat! Anyway, I think some men are just not good at those things.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-10 00:24:00

My husband is from a war torn country. He used to have everything he needed when he was young. His family did really well until the sanctions were put on Iraq in the 1990s. Then his family slowly became poor. There was one year they lived mostly off potatoes. He said he reached the point he would just say he is not hungry. He started college and barely had the bus money to get there, sometimes he didn't have the money and had to walk miles to get to school. Him and his brothers rotated their shirts and avoided each other at school so no one would know how bad off they were.

Then 2003 hit and things changed again. He began living with almost no electricity, very bad water, and constant violence. He was used to his city being clean and taken care of. He was used to people dressing western being common. He was used to not being persecuted for which kind of muslim he was. All of the sudden driving somewhere could result in your death if you came to the wrong check point ran by a militia that didn't like your name. He finally got the advantage of internet and a chance to earn money which hadn't been easy during the sanctions, but he risked his life just to finish college.

Then he had to finally flee Iraq alltogether when he was given a letter with 24 hours to leave or he would be killed. This forced him to leave his country for the first time ever. He was depressed in Syria. It was still the middle east, but it had its differences. His living standards were lower because he had no income and had to survive as a refugee not allowed to work. His family had owned a good house in Iraq that they had built and designed with modern western and eastern bathrooms. In Syria everything was different. I remember him comparing Iraq and Syria though he always was thankful Syria at least gave him a safe place to stay. While there he had only his brother and was seperated from his family for a year. He couldn't cook anything but eggs and his cleaning skills were lacking. I arrived to that mess when I came to marry him. To his credit he and his brother worked for two days cleaning the apartment so it wasn't too bad. Yet the apartment was well below the standard of what he was used to and definitely far below what I was used to (thank God I am very adaptable and my father took me camping enough I can rough it anywhere). Since he would not let me use my money we survived for the month I was there on what little money we had. I was forced to use a rustic kitchen with no oven. We bought what little food he could afford and I just threw whatever together I could. He was happy with whatever I made because it was still more than he had eaten in months due to his lack of cooking skills. In thanks to that he would make me breakfast with his improved egg cooking skills and added fresh bread and cut up tomatoes. To the shock of his family he even ironed my pants once (I brought the iron with me) and he hand washed my clothes to my horror and objections. Later I found out he is lazy and never helped his mother or sisters once. I found out he never even gets himself something to drink. On the second visit I had to take pictures of him cooking just to prove to his family that he really did those things. He says they still use those pictures against him, lol.

Later he moved on to Jordan and finally reunited with is family. Then he had to adjust to a more expensive country and more cultural differences. In both Syria and Jordan he complained the Iraqi vegetables and bread were so much better. I just laugh because I kept thinking I prefered the bread in America and didn't really see the difference (they once bought some Iraqi bread for me from one of the few shops ran by an Iraqi). As for vegetables, I really don't know, so I can't compare and know what he is talking about. In both these countries he had to relearn their public transportation, dialects, ways of doing things, how to get around, etc. It may still be the middle east, but he has been forced to learn new places and ways of life. He also had to experience what it is like to be away from nearly all his family for long periods of time. He has no desire to return to Iraq until there is peace (hopefully in our kids lifetime).

We are both high strung and we can both be layed back. Sometimes one or both of us gets in the mood for a fight. Believe me, we can draw a fight out and we drag everything into it. It is like our own personal Iraq/American war, lol. At first we were hurt by all we said, now we get over it quickly and become loving and doting once again. We generally know which buttons not to push (unless we want to). He is romantic and does so many little things for me. He had a cake made for me when I first came to Syria that had "I love you (insert name)" in arabic when I arrived (I can read arabic well and he knew this). He sent me flowers once all the way in America. He spent a full month working on getting an online pre-paid credit card and coordinating with my dad so that I would have flowers waiting on me one day when I got home from work. I was so suprised and couldn't believe how he actually ordered them thousands of miles away. He has made nice attempts at writing poetry in english for me that I find so sweet. His family celebrates their birthdays with parties (even now with their situation) so it upsets him that he has missed two of mine since we got married. I know when he comes we will fight, because we do that just as part of our personalities, but I also know we will have many sweet moments and I will work on him learning house things here in America. It will just take longer to teach him the ropes and motivate him.

I will be interested to report how things are for us and his adjustment after he is here. I really appreciate reading what others have had to say.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-09 22:37:00

TGIF!

QUOTE (anitacastillo @ Jul 19 2008, 01:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (TamaraLovesAdam @ Jul 18 2008, 04:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

does anyone know of a good health insurance to have ? for myself I've always had walmarts and will continue to do so but for Adam... isnt it better to get something just in case ?! Any ideas ?!

I bought this insurance for my husband for his first few months.

https://www.sevencor...migrant/HW7C6KK

I had bought travel insurance with them for me - luckily never needing to use it. So I don't know how they are to work with.

Margo Lampell in California is a helpful broker - she may have more ideas.

Her contact info:

Margo Lampell
448 Ignacio Blvd. #470
Novato, CA 94949

Phone: 415-883-8043
Fax: 415-883-8042
Toll Free: 1-866-891-4059

Good Luck!!

What were the costs of the insurance out of curiosity?

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 01:41:00

TGIF!

QUOTE (k & o @ Jul 19 2008, 12:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OMG.... I just checked my email and got the NOA2! .... this couldn't have come at better timing.... was looking at VJ postings, then Igors List, wondering when's mine coming.. then as I was thinking to myself "I hope my email is set up right...", bingo! there was the email! So happy!

This turned out to be a great Friday! (besides a loooooong day looking at hundreds of full pages of credit card transactions). Yippie! What's next?! *heart pounding*

Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 00:13:00

Waiting....again

I wish you the best of luck Belinda. I hope he gets the visa before you have to go. Waiting is definitely the hardest part of this process.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 13:01:00

QUOTE (Ganja_Girl @ Jul 19 2008, 10:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We missed you Olivia, I was just thinking about you. Jackie I just saw where you ask about the book it is called "The Taking" by Dean Koontz.

Did you finish the book?

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 22:49:00

Wow, it looks like you had a fun trip!

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 22:00:00

Glad you got your confirmation Jackie!

GG, I think living in Montana would be nice too, I love the mountains, but your alien stories are starting to freak me out, lol. Do you think it is a bad idea to move there and get some cows?

Good evening Melinda!

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 19:45:00

lol, cute pics ganga girl!

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 11:51:00

I take blood pressure medicine so my blood pressure fluctuates that much all the time so I'm not sure if it is a problem though I do feel a little light headed sometimes when it fluctuates like that. I am not overweight at all so it isn't a factor for me though I don't always eat well. Maybe it was something to do with blood sugar for your husband. That would make sense. Has he had any problems like this in the past? You could write down what he was doing and eating so the next time it happense you could start logging the similarities and find what might cause it.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 11:30:00

QUOTE (Olivia* @ Jul 19 2008, 10:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am sorry. Details can be bothersome especially with any visa process. But it's good work you're doing for the state rep coz it may be helping others. Still having hope for you both to be reunited.

Thanks. I'll keep you guys updated. Who knows if you ever meet someone in the same situation who has no clue about the process.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-20 02:51:00

QUOTE (Olivia* @ Jul 19 2008, 08:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds good but I know how you feel with the waiting. I also get that same question all the time and all I can explain is, "The visa process is long and complicated." I don't go into details.

The problem is the details take too long to explain and most people don't have the patience to listen anyway. You know when my husband started the refugee process my state rep had no clue about the process so I was sending her emails to update her so she could help others later on. There are no sources at all to understand the process and state reps can do nothing to help.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 22:45:00

Thanks everyone for your comments and support. This process is so nerve wracking and there is no sense to it. He did his final interview two months ago along with most of the other people there. At that interview they were told to come back in two months for this appointment to find out if they were approved or not. Why make all those people come back on this day if they aren't fully approved? That and the women who got their flights booked still had to come today and get the letter even though they are already moving on in the process.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 10:58:00

QUOTE (julianna @ Jul 19 2008, 03:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 19 2008, 01:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

lol, yeah, the comments like that never cease to amaze me. Being my husband is in Jordan, thats exactly the same thing, lol.

Thanks for commenting. I am going crazy sitting here waiting. I thought for sure he would call by now. The rumor we heard was the place wasn't even open and that the guards just hand an envelope over containing the papers for approval/disapproval. I guess it was more than that.

How long has he been there? I hate waiting for things. I stayed up until like 2am waiting for Ammar's interview-- I had been awake for almost 24 hours at that point.. and I drifted off to sleep and he called me 15 minutes later... but the wait was terrible. So, can you still go through with the k3/130 if this doesn't work out?

He waited to call me until he came back. I just got his call. They told him he was a primary approval, but the letter says he is still waiting on his background checks. All his other paperwork came back in order. He was told to just wait for a phone call for further instructions. There were about 100 people there and most of them got the same thing. There was only four or five people who got approved (and background checks were complete) and they were all women who would go to the United States without male relatives coming with them. Like he talked to one older woman who was approved and they already called her saying she will fly on August 5th. Another mother and daughter were approved together and will leave August 7th. Both of these cases they were called a week ago.

The word is that if you get the letter like my husband got then you will get the refugee so we remain hopeful they will call soon to book his flight. Even if they didn't, he can still go through with the I-130. I just have to do send the affadavit of support and visa application. They are already paid for. Then we would just wait for the embassy interview. Inshallah they will just approve this refugee so he can be here soon.

Edited by S and S, 19 July 2008 - 03:33 AM.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 03:32:00

QUOTE (julianna @ Jul 19 2008, 02:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 18 2008, 11:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I get that all the time. People just assume my husband should have been able to just come back with me. Imagine their shock when I tell them many of us wait a year or two before our spouses can come. I started his process as immigration and had to get that approved first before he was eligable for refugee so I had to go through both except the embassy part. I stopped the NVC portion after paying the fees and never sent the application because his refugee process started.

My favorite was "When is he coming and what is he waiting for?" Like he's just jacking around in Jordan with his head up his behind, unable to get himself together enough to get on a plane and come. I mean, for real. Then in the next breath half the time they accuse them of greencard fraud lol. Like "oh, he's not coming, but he's using you for a greencard to the country he's not coming to! haha!" Don't worry-- one day it will be past and you can look back at it, cringe, and be thankful THAT is over

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 02:43:00

QUOTE (julianna @ Jul 19 2008, 12:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (S and S @ Jul 18 2008, 11:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (julianna @ Jul 19 2008, 12:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I hope he makes it! This stuff is so out-of-your-mind stressful, isn't it?!

Absolutely!

I always kind of look around at people I see and think about how I used to be totally ignorant of the immigration processes and all the other issues it takes going from a country and trying to get in here. Who knew it was so ahrd! Common thought is that it's so simple, especially if you marry someone.

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 00:49:00

QUOTE (julianna @ Jul 19 2008, 12:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I hope he makes it! This stuff is so out-of-your-mind stressful, isn't it?!

Absolutely!

S and S

Female

Iraq

2008-07-19 00:43:00