ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
Noooo! What's happened?
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 12:00:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
I used to hate getting my haircut because I had a stylist tell me she felt sorry for me. Just what an awkward teenager needs! But the last few years I've been lucky in that there seem to be more stylists who know what to do with hair that's a bit nuts.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 11:56:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
It's not unusual hair compared to the rest of the world, but it is a minority in the U.S. Which is the only reason it might make sense to find a barber who knows what he's doing with it, and why a barber who serves an ethnic group with hair with a similar texture is probably not a bad proxy for 'won't get fed up and shave my husband's head because it won't lie flat.'

And while African-American hair does come in a range of styles and textures, it tends to be more kinky, and more fragile than even comparably curly hair from people of European descent. It needs different treatment and hair care. That's not to say there's anything wrong with it! But just as a blunt cut won't work on my curls (my hair was NOT curled for the wedding pics. It does that on its own.), a salon designed for people with long straight hair with a loose wavy probably isn't the best place for a person with tight curls to try to get a haircut because the stylist isn't going to have a clue. I know amira knows this site about curls.

A high-end salon with someone trained by Ouidad or Devacurl will make curls look awesome, but that's probably a wasted expense on a man who just wants a haircut.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 11:40:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
Eh, fair enough, but does someone's wife have the right to describe her husband's hair as nappy? I don't know but I hadn't thought of the term as in the same category as other racially-charged words. There's a children's book called Nappy Hair. So it seems to me to vary a bit with context and no one seemed to me to be mean-spirited when discussing barbers.

But in any case, if you want curly hair cut properly, go to someone who knows what they're doing with it. Because people used to cutting straight hair will butcher it.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 23:16:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
Imus got canned for calling them hoes compared to the delicate little flowers of whatever team they owned. I don't think it was 'nappy' that was doing the offensive work.

'Nappy' can be used as an insult, but it wasn't in that thread. (Remember Napster? Took its name from the guy's nickname for having wild curly hair.) If your hair is kinky and curly and fragile, best off with a stylist or barber who knows what they're doing with it. And the ones that know what they're doing are the ones whose customer base deals with it, whether the base is African-American or wealthy curlyhaired women (i.e., Devacurl)

You can call around and ask if they have someone who knows what they're doing with curly hair, but I suspect that might be harder for men.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 22:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!

Something that would be good for dee, or anyone facing this to do, is to go somewhere alone, get a coffee or whatever helps you think, and write down some lists.
1) What do I want
2) What do I think is wrong here
3) How I think we can fix it
4) What am I willing to do if we can't.



I find writing out and rewriting really helps! :thumbs:

:ot: oooh I just noticed your signature link to the wedding pics! Lovely just lovely!


Oh, thanks! There aren't many of me, mostly of my sisters, since it's my camera, but the Charlie's Angels-style pic is probably my favorite from the whole day.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 19:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
Something that would be good for dee, or anyone facing this to do, is to go somewhere alone, get a coffee or whatever helps you think, and write down some lists.
1) What do I want
2) What do I think is wrong here
3) How I think we can fix it
4) What am I willing to do if we can't.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 17:28:00
Middle East and North AfricaIs there any Egyptians ON right now ??? one of those who applied for the K3
Brad Pitt doesn't do much for me but Clooney is gorgeous.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-03 12:09:00
Middle East and North AfricaIs there any Egyptians ON right now ??? one of those who applied for the K3
And Clooney keeps getting better looking as he gets older! He must have sold his soul.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 13:41:00
Middle East and North AfricaIs there any Egyptians ON right now ??? one of those who applied for the K3
moody's got it. But, of course, marriages with age gaps do get approved. Nothing's an automatic rejection, and there's no evidence that an age gap is more of a problem than not sharing a common language or knowing each other for a short period of time.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 13:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaHappy Saturday

oh doodle, you are something else....I love ya girl.

I think I am depressed. I don't think to eat, or change my clothes, when driving I often say 'wow how did I get here?' I am not coping with this very well. I have not heard my husbands voice for ....3 weeks tommorrow. No fights, no arguements, nothing. Just poof and he's gone. I feel like he died and there was not even a funeral. The person that layed next to me for 3 years is gone. How do you go to bed with that thought? You don't, you sit on the couch and stare at the bedroom door. Man, I did not mean to unleash all this negativity. See, that is why I shouldn't be here.

I promise to check in on you all from time to time. I care. I just can't be cheery and upbeat now.

Jackie (F)

:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:


(F)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-04 18:32:00
Middle East and North Africaletter from the consular

Here's a new twist I've never heard of before. I called the DOS (my first time woot woot) and she said that security checks are done by outside agencies and that right now they're still being done.

What outside agencies? She couldn't tell me. lol. She did tell me that it's done by DOS but apparently they're now farming this stuff out?? lol


No clue for certain, but I know the the Secret Service farm out their interviews and checks to retired agents who formed their own businesses afterward. But 'outside agency' could just mean the FBI or anyone not under the DOS umbrella.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-06 09:02:00
Middle East and North AfricaCASA's Computers Down Today (Interview Rescheduled)

That's a good question. An interview consists of one human being asking questions and another human being answering. Sure the one asking takes notes but do they not know how to put a pen to paper and input the data later on into the computer? Makes no sense.

Ex recto, but they might have a protocol that requires data to be input within a certain amount of time or immediately, or be unable to print the 221g without the computer system. With all the fuckups it's probably better that they rescheduled rather than have the interviewer lose his notes while the system's down.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-04 12:34:00
Middle East and North Africaegypt pictures and videos
What are the buildings across the way from your flat (pic #3) made out of? They look sort of Southwestern.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-31 19:28:00
Middle East and North AfricaHumus and falafel
I have to learn how to make falafel. Seems like I'll need to acquire a food processer.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-01 14:03:00
Middle East and North AfricaHumus and falafel
There used to be a Lebanese place around the corner from me that made absolutely wonderful falafel. I'm not sure what he did differently, but when the family sold the place to a new owner, the falafel just wasn't the same.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-01 11:24:00
Middle East and North AfricaI'm 49, he's 30, Im USA, he's MAROC...been in AProcessing for 5 months - Is this why???
Long AP/AR doesn't seem to have anything to do with the validity of the relationship, just the likelihood of a name hit. If they suspected fraud, based on other Casa experiences, your case would look different (i.e., they would have tried to return it or something.)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-30 09:31:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnd speaking of jealousy....
The Palestinians have integrated with the Italians and the Russians!

(Marge Simpson: It's an Italian-American Mexican standoff!)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-09 14:30:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnd speaking of jealousy....

Do you read? What people said was, how on earth could you possibly think, out of the hundreds of possibilities, that the only reason you might feel mistreated/uncomfortable/ogled is because of jealousy? No one said it's NEVER JEALOUSY. But you refuse to accept that it can be anything other than that.

conversely, you refuse to accept the possibility that it may well be jealousy.......


I think peezey's accepted the possibility. She's just questioning the assumption that if people are nasty and muttering in a language you don't understand, that it must be due to their jealousy.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-08 12:30:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnd speaking of jealousy....

I'm still sticking with the evil eye theory. One woman in particular gave me such a dirty look I almost "felt it" if that makes sense. That's one that my husband even commented on.

Anyways I am really starting to believe in the whole evil eye dark force thing. Ever since I have been sick, ever since my husband's flat has been "possessed", etc.

Why people do this I don't know. I have to say there were just as many if not more women who did indeed smile back at me, though they tended to be the younger ones (under 50 or so).

I just downloaded a bunch of dua's to protect against evil and just saying a few of them has already put me at ease. It's really spooky when you think about all that evil stuff. His family totally believes in it and wouldn't stop talking about it just before I left for my flight. :blink: (the one I caught pneumonia on.... :unsure: ).

Now before anyone jumps down my throat, I believe people in the US are just as capable of giving this evil eye. It's NOT a MENA thing for sure. Maybe I was just more aware of it over there but I'm going to make a point to smile to people tomorrow in the city and see what happens just to compare.


I have this really fuzzy childhood memory of my great-grandmother doing something with olive oil and water in a dish (or was it the bathtub?) to ward off the evil eye. :unsure:


My grandmother used to say 'Satan begone! Jesus Christ is king!' during bad storms.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-07 22:44:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnd speaking of jealousy....

I'll be honest and say that I think people tend to see what they want to see. Some women really thrive off of considering themselves the object of envy.


Sorry if I am repeating anything here, but I haven't finished the thread.

If it isn't jealousy what is it then? Purhaps prejudice? The fact is that you can tell by the look in their faces if they are merely curious. But they don't try to hide a look of some sort of nastiness. Maybe it isn't jealousy, but sometimes thats all we can attribute it too in many cases when you have done nothing worse than exist.


If someone gives me a nasty look, no, I do not assume that they are jealous of me. It could be any number of things, yes, prejudice among them. I just don't see attributing it to jealousy. It reminds me of what my mother used to tell me if I happened to get made fun of in elementary school for x,y, or z thing. "They're just jealous of you." I think it's an easy answer that is more oft than not untrue, IMO.


I think this is right. It could be jealousy but prejudice seems to be far more likely. 'They're just jealous' is an easier explanation than 'Sometimes children pick on outsiders as part of a bonding ritual intended to solidify status.'
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-07 16:34:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnd speaking of jealousy....
"Greatly" reduces their chances? I kind of doubt it. There aren't that many visas per year, and if what peezey's saying is correct, these guys weren't in the most-eligible-bachelor category anyway. The nasty looks could be for any number of reasons, probably just because the guy broke a cultural norm.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-07 15:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnd speaking of jealousy....
Even if the man were the most marriageable of marriageable bachelors, I feel that 'jealousy' would be a poor explanation given competing explanations of curiosity, worry, and wonder. But I also think that were I to say to someone 'don't worry about them, they're just jealous', I'd probably be making excuses for someone's behavior without really wanting to get into it.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-07 10:08:00
Middle East and North Africa'100 Days In America'
I think the 100 Days in America was a brilliant idea.

and the book Wicked is great. Haven't seen the show yet.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-03 18:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaMistake On G-325A
Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen an RFE for a G-325a. At least it's right on the the NOA and the biometrics letter. If they need you to correct it, they'll send an RFE, but I think you're probably okay.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-10 18:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaMixing money and taking loans
I think it's a horribly bad idea to take on the risk for a loan for a non-permanent resident. 95% of small businesses fail within the first five years. If you've got the capital to do it safely and you don't mind losing it, go for it, but I think the person whose scheme it is should be bearing some of the risk.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-10 16:24:00
Middle East and North AfricaFaith, privacy and other OT discussions
dee is posting about her private life because she has a problem that she can't fix on her own. Perhaps you'd rather that she suffer in silence, or hide the fact that not every long distance marriage ends up in happily ever after unicorn land, but it's her choice.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-13 10:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaFaith, privacy and other OT discussions
Oh, get over yourself, Gladiator.

And you come in here quoting the Quran to tell an abused woman to take it like a good Muslim. And to prove you're right you're quoting the Bible? #### that for a bag of chips. You accuse everyone of crowding around like dee's relationship is on the television, but not only are you doing the same, you're doing so while condoning abuse. So your part in your internet drama is to support the villain. Honestly.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-13 07:50:00
Middle East and North Africareligion questions
Hey, I remembered something from my sixth-grade four weeks of Arabic.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-03 18:53:00
Middle East and North Africareligion questions

What you will find more often as an American (in my experience) is other Americans (christians) who may freak if you use any of these words.



:lol: :lol:

that just reminded me of the first time I went to Cairo in the winter and my mom called me and automatically I said "salam alaykum" and all I heard was her saying to my dad "holy sh!t Bill, she's one of THEM" and then she started crying. lol Good times, good times.



Oh my god, doodle, that's horrible and funny at the same time. Doesn't 'salaam alaikum' translate literally to something like 'Peace be with you'? (Like, she says, something that's, well, part of many Christian services and nothing to be afraid of?)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-03 18:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaThe women that marry mena men?

And some of those gals in the Canada forum are WILD I tell you.... just WILD! :jest:


Missed this the first time around. Thank you for my laugh of the day! :lol:


I shake it like a Polaroid pic-cha!
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-10 13:06:00
Middle East and North AfricaThe women that marry mena men?

Please don't discount those of us who are coming here for the first time and really enjoying the company.

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

:pop:

:pop: i got buttered kettle corn :D


gimme. please.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-08 20:00:00
Middle East and North AfricaDid everybody in MENA forget to wake up today?

So we watched 300 last night. Well, I fell asleep about half way through and have to finish it tonight maybe. But can I just say, "#######?" Did anyone else see it? :unsure:

i did, bought it when it came out on dvd.
"tonight, we dine in hell!" :lol:


Is it good? I haven't managed to see it yet (C. and I wanted to see it together, and we didn't manage to get to while it's in theaters.)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-14 10:27:00
Middle East and North AfricaGot an email from Rome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QUOTE (mybackpages @ Aug 17 2007, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (allousa @ Aug 17 2007, 07:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Got a letter from Rome yesterday in the mail. Just an official letter stating about the same that the email did...just that they had received the application.

What WAS different is that the email from Rome said the 90-180 days didn't START until they received the file from the U.S.

The letter states that the 90-180 days BEGINS from the date that they received the application. Oh God, if that were true. That could mean that my habibi could be home before the end of the year. THE END OF THE YEAR PEOPLE!

Inshallah, the day will be soon that I can post on this site that Hicham is coming home and I'm going to the airport to pick him up.

I am a little nervous as I have been reading on the 601 forum on VJ that there have been alot of denials lately. None of them from Rome. We are so close to the end of our journey. It does make me very queasy to think that after 3 1/2 years of going through this nightmare, he could be denied. But can't think like that. My love is coming home. I know in my heart that he is coming home!!!! heart.gif heart.gif heart.gif heart.gif heart.gif heart.gif


first i have to say I know very little about the wavier process, but i do know its important not to compare your cases to the others ones you see here on VJ. (yes i have seen some of the denial postings lately and thought of you). Each case id different.

I know this is just speculation, but I wonder if the fact that your husband's wavier is covering a situation in which he ws pending legal status when he left will work to your advantage over say someone who had accumluated years of overstay? I don;t know if circumstances com ein to play in making these deicisons.


I don't know, but some of the advice given to 601 filers often tells them to include evidence of rehabilitation in the case of crimes, and it makes sense that they'd worry less about someone who only overstayed because of being in a grey status during a pending application than someone who overstayed a tourist visa. Whether sense applies is hard to say, and the standard is still 'extreme hardship to the USC.'
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-21 14:31:00
Middle East and North AfricaU.S. Official Denying Entry
The guy in the article was detained (and from the article, it sounds like by 'detained' they meant 'pulled him aside to process his paperwork'), but let through. They probably just were double-checking on the waiver and had to check the manual on what to note.

Beyond that I know of one case where the guy coming in on a fiance visa said 'wife' and that made the POE official deny him entry. And it is their final call. But it's not like they hire whimsical idiots who just deny people for fun. They have to have reasons.

You really have nothing to worry about, allousa. Once he gets the waiver processed and has the visa, he'll be set.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-21 13:39:00
Middle East and North AfricaI gotta say Thanks to you all

His behaviour IS acceptable to some degree where he comes from and its certainly possible he really DOES NOT think he is doing anything wrong.


I have to totally disagree with this. He knows very well what he is doing. And he knows it's wrong.


And even if he doesn't think it's wrong... he's had years and years of believing it's fine to beat his wife... how would you estimate the chances that he's going to have an epiphany and turn over a new leaf?
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-14 15:17:00
Middle East and North AfricaI gotta say Thanks to you all
Knowing the person and his culture well, without blinders. And don't let immigration become the reason you rush into a serious commitment.

I admire you ladies, because I personally would not be able to date someone from so different a culture with any kind of language barrier because I would be constantly worried that I was setting myself up for a surprise. C. and I met in 2003, with no cultural differences to speak of, and it took me a long time to be sure, even with us spending about three months a year together.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-14 11:53:00
Middle East and North AfricaI gotta say Thanks to you all

this woe-is-me-attitude is REALLY upsetting me. It is making me even more short in patience. And he gets to "prove his point" about my attitude problem.. cause technically he isnt "doing anything"


This is the 'I'm not touching you I'm not touching you' school of passive aggressiveness. Arg. I'm so sorry, dee. (F)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-14 10:22:00
Middle East and North AfricaI gotta say Thanks to you all

Dee, does he know you cancelled the AOS checks? That might be a good way to test the waters, tell him you don't plan of reapplying for some time.

nope I didnt tell him that... and I feel for the moment that wouldnt be the best idea :whistle:

that def. would be a trigger..

I know half his problem is NOT working.. and if he knew I fudged that up.. he would not be a happy camper.

PLus I dont even know if that means his papers are actually cancelled.. or if I'm just gonna get a notice my checks "bounced"??


Half of is problem NOT that he is not working. Nearly everyone endures a period of unemployment when they adjust on a marriage-based visa; not everyone takes it out on their spouse or worries beyond that their spouse will be bored and lonely. The problem is that he thinks it's appropriate to abuse his wife because he can't instantly whip up the American Dream.

dee, your friends may be well-intentioned but they're treating this as though it's an after school special where all that has to happen is everyone has a teary moment, the lighting goes soft, there's a montage and end credits. Abuse isn't going to be fixed by a week of good behavior any more than drug addiction can be cured by friends talking to someone seriously. And it's not like it's unheard of for an abuser to be nice one week and violent the next; that's why it's so hard for women to leave. That's the cycle: love you, you're wonderful, it was just that I couldn't get a job and that I was frustrated, don't you see why you make me so angry? Blah blah screw that.

If he's serious about changing, get him to one of those counseling programs.

Do not blame yourself. This is his failing, not yours. And there is no shame in deciding after this week (mostly a peace offering to your family & friends to convince them that you tried) that enough is enough.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-14 08:09:00
Middle East and North AfricaI gotta say Thanks to you all
The police at this point are as much for his protection as hers; they can be an impartial witness and can ensure that neither side escalates anything.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-13 10:12:00