ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaWhere does some go from here?

I know that you don't like the idea of leaving Morocco and reentering in order to extend your tourist visa, but you really might need to do it in order to buy yourself more time, no? It would make me very nervous to be in Morocco without a valid visa, so just make sure that you're careful, aicha. Better to hop a ferry to Spain and back to have your visa extended until October and have more time to figure out a course of action than have to deal with the consequences of overstaying your current visa. Good luck to you!


Just wanted to express sympathy and second this. Make sure you keep your end legal; the last thing you need is another hassle at this point. Hang in there; you'll get through this.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-05-13 00:05:00
Middle East and North Africa~ Javed is going to the embassy NOW!! ~
Oh holy ######, shonnie, I'm sorry.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-05-14 19:34:00
Middle East and North AfricaYoung Muslims in Cairo transform the hijab

I don't think it's as simple as saying to each their own in this case simply because religion is involved. *Personally*, because I am not religious, I am not offended by however women would like to wear their hijab, or if they wear it at all, but if hijab actually held spiritual significance for me, then I might see it as an affront upon Islam. What if the new fashion was to start wearing lots of different funky colored rosary beads? Wouldn't Catholics find that inappropriate since it undermines the deeper meaning of the religious symbol?


Or like what Madonna did with kabalah. I can see it now: the Rosary! In colors! It's about girl power, right?

Anyhow. Hijab is supposed to mean modest, not 'head scarf', as far as I understand. A girl I knew at school from Dubai covered, and she usually wore loose slacks, a long sleeved t-shirt, and a black headscarf. Looked like any other schlubby calc student, but a little more modest.

On the other hand, 'modest' seems to be interpreted as 'wearing a head scarf', so if I were a rebellious teenager who wanted to bend the rules without breaking them, I'd probably have pink and purple scarf just so I could say, 'see, dad, i AM following the rules.' I think the Catholic girl equivalent is wearing a low cut or slightly unbuttoned shirt with a gold crucifix.

It's Holy Skin, you see.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-05-16 20:10:00
Middle East and North AfricaPersonal Attacks?
And thus dies the site, not with a bang, but with private invitations.

If you re-read Together4ever's thread, it's 70% of people saying "we love you and we'll pray for you", 25% people saying "we love you, you need to get out" and 5% expressing those same sentiments vehemently. I can't imagine it was fun for Together4ever, but on the other hand, no one attacked her. If there was a mistake, it was in adopting the 'tough love' role that doesn't come across well on the Internet. Of course, one can't exactly sit in silence and hold someone's hand over text either without soundingn like an enabler for abuse. There is no silence. There are no hands.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-09 08:12:00
Middle East and North AfricaPersonal Attacks?
Part of the problem is that 'offensive' seems to be conflated with 'has a different opinion than me and doesn't agree.' I see no reason for people to chase down and harass people, but for the board to be worthwhile, people have to be able to say more than 'I love you and I support you and will nod along with whatever you say.'
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-08 11:48:00
Middle East and North AfricaPersonal Attacks?
It's a pretty common Internet phenomenon. People assume that if I say "I need help meeting the income requirement and my parents can't help" that they know everything about my finances, my money managing skills, and whether I'm a good daughter and someone will screech "get a job and wait to get married till you're out of school you welfare #######."

People forget that all they see, anywhere, is just a little facet. On the other hand, all their is to respond to is a facet. This is also why, everyone's protests to the contrary, I believe no one is exactly the same in person as online.

But beyond that, look, if you post a little bit of personal information, you have to keep in mind that if people are going to respond to that, they're going to probably fill in the background information they'd need to advise you with information drawn from their own experiences. If you don't want people doing that, you're going to either have to refrain from posting, or you're going to have to give a little more information and be willing to play back and forth a bit. Plopping on a disclaimer "so my husband is abusing me and we need to file the paperwork no one talk about the abuse" ain't it.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-08 07:03:00
Middle East and North AfricaAP/Security Checking for female spouses
If I understand how the namecheck process works, it's the same level of scrutiny for everyone. It's just that a male partner from the Middle East is likely to generate more false name hits (that then have to be scrutinized individually) than a female partner.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-12 21:47:00
Middle East and North Africainterview not so successful
Have 'im bring a baseball bat, too. That'll fix their l'il red wagon.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-15 09:48:00
Middle East and North Africainterview not so successful
Honestly, kiddo, what makes you think you're worth the effort to bother to cook up a witty insult? Would be like casting pearls before swine.

Jen's got credibility, you've got f*ckall. When you have more than that, come back and we'll work up a proper insult all special-like for ya. Until then, you're wasting our time and yours.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-12 16:03:00
Middle East and North Africainterview not so successful
Goddammit. Call the consulate and raise some hell.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-11 10:52:00
Middle East and North Africatimeline for arriving in US and marrying
You have six months to use the K-1, and once you enter, you have 90 days to get married. It's only ninety days whether you enter on day one of your K-1 or day 179.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-18 23:50:00
Middle East and North AfricaWednesday in MENA
If you think Imma gonna congratulate you another six times you're a crazy girl what with the rising costs of comments and all. ;)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-21 08:23:00
Middle East and North AfricaWednesday in MENA
Haha, now you get to be an actuary. ;) Congrats jenn!
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-20 19:37:00
Middle East and North AfricaAOS approved
Congrats!
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-20 07:54:00
Middle East and North AfricaInterview Success!!!!
Oh, this is great! Congrats on the quick success!
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-11 08:28:00
Middle East and North AfricaPoint of Entry.. does he HAVE to go to New York?
C. drove to Boston to get the employment stamp from their deferred entry area at Logan, so if your husband flies into Boston, he can probably still get the temporary work authorization stamp.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-28 13:53:00
Middle East and North AfricaNeed Advice Again....
You have to prove a legitimate relationship whether you're bringing in a fiance or a spouse. Getting married halfway through just means you wouldn't be eligible for a K-1 anymore, and if the length of relationship, age gap, and your history were a problem (I'm not saying it is, or isn't), that's not going to go away just because you're married.

From USCIS's perspective, if your fiance were using you to get to the U.S. (and I'm not saying he is), and all he had to do to escape suspicion was to marry you.....

Just hang in there. You're already a few months into the K-1 process. No need to undermine that yet.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-28 13:24:00
Middle East and North AfricaPosting personal pics as avatar/signature
The woman's obsessed with terrorist baby-eating jihadi Muslim dhimmitude-y people. That's why she went after MENA, because obviously terrorist baby-eating jihadi are going to bother with a K-1.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-03 08:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaPosting personal pics as avatar/signature
Schlussel, Schlussel... if she's the one I'm thinking of, she's the one who was convinced the VATech shootings were done by a Muslim, to the point of insisting that the reports of the "Asian" shooter in the American media could have meant Pakistani because the New York Times might have been using "Asian" like they do in London. Crazy racist psycho ######, pretty much. Not terribly influential outside her own echo chamber.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-27 08:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaApril 7, 2007--I-129 sent to CA from TX
Has your check cleared? Do you have your case number? If you, then just sit tight; you're almost there.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-03 22:18:00
Middle East and North AfricaWould you be worried?
I wouldn't be too worried, but it might be good to check to see what he's allowed to bring with him on the plane since they seem to have elevated the terror threat. (I have no idea what the UKs policies are like.)

Just to reduce the hassle if he's no longer allowed to have an iPod or something. But he'll be okay.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-01 13:15:00
Middle East and North AfricaOffical MENA Cultural Differences Thread
This is a great idea for a thread, and I hope people will fill it up. Too often on ME/NA, or VJ in general really, people only bring up cultural differences when they're worried about fraud or have a problem.

Which makes everyone very defensive and leads to sniping and denial. This thread is good because people will be able to post things without a recent 'scandal' being on everyone's mind.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-06-24 09:06:00
Middle East and North AfricaTwo Separate States, or One For All ?
Not gonna happen. Israel's raison d'être is to be a permanent home for Jewish people. It's structured to be a Jewish homeland: right of return, no more being a minority at the mercy of other lands, and all of that. It's not a straightforward republic; it's very identity is just the Zionist project.

That doesn't mean it's right or handed down from God or anything, but it does mean that a proposal that very innocently sounds like 'giving everyone same equal rights' does essentially mean that Israel as a Jewish homeland won't exist absent the structure it has now. In twenty years there would be a Jewish minority in a largely Arab state.

So I think a two-state solution is really the only way to go, though I do think that Israel as a concept isn't going to be sustainable long term. (Shoulda given them Wyoming...)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-05 11:55:00
Middle East and North AfricaOnline translating
I should clarify that *any* common language will suffice.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-28 21:23:00
Middle East and North AfricaOnline translating
sarah makes a good point. A translator's a good intermediate step, but if you're serious about each other and he wants to move here, work on his English proficiency. They do seem to worry about that in the interviews.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-28 20:31:00
Middle East and North AfricaNo SUnday post??!
Awww, Dee. That sucks. Do you have access to counselling, something simple through a local mosque or anything? Having a third part listen might help ease the transition a bit.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-29 11:29:00
Middle East and North Africainterview summary
I wonder, based on my really limited knowledge of interview techniques, whether they ask the questions about sex just to see what sort of reaction they get out of the person, and also because once you're rattled it's harder to stick to a script. That is, if your husband has been planning on lying (not saying that he is) or fraudulent and they threw him with a question about sex, it might make his story harder to stick to. Maybe on the assumption that a guy using a woman for a green card wouldn't care about a sex question, but a guy being interrogated about someone he loves and their sex life would react angrily.

Write them a nice calm letter once all this is over inquiring.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-30 10:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaConcerns and Trust
I think the worry is that if a relationship is fraudulent, the pain, heartbreak, and consequences are a lot worse than a typical divorce that went sour or just the loss of some important dreams. I can't imagine the pain of some people in the "major changes" forum, who went through months or years of being alone and having a relationship by computer or telephone only for the person to jet as soon as they got here.

No one's condemning anyone, but personally, at least, needing to immigrate someone made us wait to be absolutely certain. It sucks, but the stakes are higher.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-31 08:05:00
Middle East and North AfricaConcerns and Trust
Plus, with a failed international relationship, there's a matter of the I-864. Definitely stay positive, but, you know, eyes open.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-30 21:27:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhy does it seem Egyptians/Arabs don't like dogs , and does anyone have any experience with how your SO adapted to your dog once they came.

On Islam and dogs, by a professor at UCLA: http://www.scholarof...oofesfaond.html. Interesting, nuanced reading.

My (secular) Persian friends don't like dogs much, and it seems to be more a cultural thing, as Americans are dog-crazy and they're still dirty work animals to them. No doubt religion plays a part, but I'm not sure it's only an Islam thing.



WOW Thanks for the great link Caladan! I read it quickly and will go back to study it more. More than just address the issue of dogs, it is a easy topic to show just how complex the study of Islamic jurisprudence is. I think most of our SOs form Muslim countries havenever studied Islam in such a formal way and yet we tend to think of them as the "experts" on Islam. My husband and i will discuss and debate these kinds of issues. Being fluent in Arabic he is quick with quranic verses, but my background is the socio-historic context tied to both quranic verses and hadiths so it makes for very interesting talks!


I love that link because it seriously reminds me of running a philosophy class. 'Okay, can anyone think why they might have said this about dogs? Does that follow? Let's look at the passage....'

Plus, I love the asides about how he has a crush on the woman in his study group.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 13:37:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhy does it seem Egyptians/Arabs don't like dogs , and does anyone have any experience with how your SO adapted to your dog once they came.
On Islam and dogs, by a professor at UCLA: http://www.scholarof...oofesfaond.html. Interesting, nuanced reading.

My (secular) Persian friends don't like dogs much, and it seems to be more a cultural thing, as Americans are dog-crazy and they're still dirty work animals to them. No doubt religion plays a part, but I'm not sure it's only an Islam thing.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-30 11:57:00
Middle East and North Africaupdate Help me day2 !!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn't being sarcastic, charles.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-31 21:53:00
Middle East and North Africaupdate Help me day2 !!!!!!!!!!!
You poor dear. Take some time off from men and pamper yourself.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-31 21:09:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA BABIES

The kid's going to grow up in the U.S., so it's not bad to pick something sort of pronounceable for all the boring Anglos, if having people mispronounce your kid's name would drive you crazy. (if it won't drive you nuts, go for whatever you like.) I like Zachariyah (or Zachariah) off of your list. It can nickname to 'Zach', useful when the boy is a moody American pre-teen.

Oh, and little 'Anas' will be '#######' on the playground very quickly.

:blink:

/
Didn't mean anything more than 'English-speaking', charles. (Hence, Anglo. Like Hispanic, but for English.) Or solely English-speaking and likely to say, 'I'm sorry, what was your name? What is that, ethnic? You're not from around here. How do you spell that? That's different!' over and over. Like Samir in Office Space. It doesn't have to be an English name, just easily pronounceable.

Isn't 'Riyadh' just a city name? Even if it isn't, I think the associations with the city would provoke a lot of 'so why did you name your baby after the Saudi capital' discussions.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-28 22:16:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA BABIES
The kid's going to grow up in the U.S., so it's not bad to pick something sort of pronounceable for all the boring Anglos, if having people mispronounce your kid's name would drive you crazy. (if it won't drive you nuts, go for whatever you like.) I like Zachariyah (or Zachariah) off of your list. It can nickname to 'Zach', useful when the boy is a moody American pre-teen.

Oh, and little 'Anas' will be '#######' on the playground very quickly.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-28 11:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
Around here, you'd be more likely to hear the style referred to as 'dreads' (with no negative connotation) rather than 'locks.'
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-03 08:58:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
peezey, your general point, that African-American women have had a long and difficult history with their hair and that 'nappy' is a loaded term that shouldn't be used casually is correct, but it's just not true that it's only African-American women who have issues with people coming up and touching their hair, asking about it, and commenting how much more professional it looks when it's straightened. I have had people pull my curls while standing in an elevator on the way to work, and if you read about women and hair, curly hair for a long time has been considered 'ethnic' (meaning Jewish, Latina, biracial or Italian, mostly) and thus not professional. Most of the girls I worked with would blow it out straight and I get comments from strangers walking through the neighborhood often enough that it's not remarkable. One anecdote I heard was of a girl with curly hair being at a party in DC, a party with a bunch of buttoned-up pols, and someone remarking that she must be a Democrat, because no Republican would wear her hair like that. The political parties cited of course don't matter, but women's hair in general is a touchy issue.

It's just a whole hell of a lot worse for African-American women.

On the other hand, I'm uncomfortable with any form of argument that says 'X is a member of group Y and therefore is the final authority on information about Y', because it seems to treat all members of the group as alike and very Other rather than individuals who have their own preferences and experiences. 'Nappy' is offensive because of its history, not by fiat, you know? Just like you can't decide that the n-word isn't offensive by finding one black guy whom it doesn't bother.

Apologies if I've given offense to anyone. I'd usually agree whole-hearted with peezey on something like this, but 'nappy' seems a lot more borderline to me than the n-word which no one is even bold enough to type.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 16:16:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
I use a long-sleeved t-shirt for plopping. Seems to work okay.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 13:04:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!

Well at first my hair responded well. My curls were really pretty, loose, and defined. As time went on, they got kinkier and I had a huge problem with shrinkage. No matter what I do though, my hair is really dry. Even if I cut my hair, it remains dry at the ends. I have been using some balm on the ends and that helps but I feel like its frying my hair even more.


I still can't find a decent shampoo/conditioner combo as well.


Your hair might be over conditioned. Have you tried any sort of clarifying treatment?

sereia, I went to an affiliated Devacurl place here in New Haven and I have been very happy with it. And I don't have stinky hair, either! I use the 'No-Poo' line of really gentle shampoo, but even if you don't do that, you can 'wash' your hair with conditioner.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 12:14:00
Middle East and North AfricaYo! Happy Wednesday!!!!
Noooo! What's happened?
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-02 12:00:00