ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaMORE custody paper now needed after interview
QUOTE (Heartland @ Sep 8 2007, 12:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi all...

After writing two letters, explaining EVERYTHING.... It was accepted. Now we wait for more processing and the visa to be issued... Not sure how long but HOPE SOON

sarah: I think that them being so thorough is a good thing, and I think every single one of us would want the same thing for our kids if we were in that position.

Well Normally I would say yes to that... however. His ex wife had abandoned them both since thier daughter was 3.5 months old. I dont think this woman has any rights. She lives in another country. I think there comes a time when you have to LOOK at the situation and say, Each stituation is totally different. If the bio mom lived in the country and had SOME imput, that is different.... however this is not a case of a child being taken away from the mother, or kidnapped, this is giving a child a mother and sisters again...


Sure, but the consulate doesn't know that his ex-wife has nothing to do with the child and they're certainly not going to take your man's word for it at face value. It's not your guy's fault, but divorces often turn nasty and the children turn into bargaining chips.

It's just not MENA. There have been Canadian couples needing to contact ex-boyfriends and husbands to get permission for the kids to emigrate, or having to present evidence that the other parent has been out of the picture.

It sucks, and I'm glad you two have managed to convince the consulate. smile.gif
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-08 09:49:00
Middle East and North AfricaMORE custody paper now needed after interview
Embassies are always picky about paperwork for children because most kidnappers are parents making off with their children. Once the kid is across a border, they're very hard to find.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-01 21:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaLooking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!
peezey (and dee), I'd hope you'd have enough of a sense of me to know that I wasn't trying to tell dee to suck it up and be a good little wife or ignore her gut. But I don't think AOS should ever be used as a bargaining chip (and VAWA seems to agree.) If you're sure you don't want to file, then withdraw it, but I don't think it's advisable to use a green card as a carrot or a stick or as part of any ultimatum.

dee, would it help to turn off the instant messenger at work (you mentioned he bothers you at work) so at least you have a little peace and quiet and your own headspace? Are you near family, and could they take the kids for the weekend so you and he can really have it out without them overhearing it? Can you give him manly chores around the house to do (shelves, fences, mowing the lawn)?
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 11:55:00
Middle East and North AfricaLooking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!
I agree that it is he who needs to get his ####### together, but it hasn't been very long and unless I've misread this very badly, he mostly sounds very frustrated at his dreams meeting the hard shore of reality and he seems very dependent. This strikes me as something that might improve with time. Dee knows far better than any of us, of course, but cancelling the AOS doesn't seem to address the larger problem.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 11:12:00
Middle East and North AfricaLooking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

at this point i feel like cancelling the checks(EAD/AOS) and throwing in the towel


Shhh, shhh, sweetie. It's going to be a rough adjustment. It always is, even when everyone's American and everyone can work and your nerves weren't first stressed by dealing with immigration for months and months.

Give it a little time before you do anything rash; you've worked so hard to get to this point.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-01 11:04:00
Middle East and North AfricaLooking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!
And you can help with research, too. And when he is ready and prepared properly, the best thing you can do is relax and roll with the punches. That's when the guy needs your support and you to believe in him, once he's getting started, and you to breathe and not panic when the business falters. (They do. Daughter of a successful small businessman here. It blows.)
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-24 17:04:00
Middle East and North AfricaLooking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!
Absolutely. You can be supportive without signing away your life on a $100,000 loan on a peabrained (pea is t3h new hare) fly-by-night scheme. :) First things first. Get the SSN, get the work authorization, get a job (maybe in the industry in which you hope to own a business), learn the language, get up your credit rating, find a colleague or business partner, put together a plan, then get the loan.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-24 16:52:00
Middle East and North AfricaLooking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!
Isn't it something like 90% of small business ventures fail within five years? I'm misremembering the percentages, but not by much. Not the sort of thing I'd co-sign on behalf of a immigrant who doesn't yet have his green card.

There's being supportive and there's being supportive. If he wants to open a garage, have him do the sort of homework he'd need to convince a bank to do a loan. What's his expected return? Where will he be located? What's the sort of licensing requirements that he will need?
CaladanMaleCanada2007-07-24 16:37:00
Middle East and North Africadoes any one know any age limits on diference of ages
QUOTE (beckypua @ Sep 9 2007, 01:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's not uncommon to see a MUCH older white guy with a beautiful young Filipina at the embassy in the Philippines waiting for their interview.
Most seem to get approved.
I guess a lot depends on the country.


A lot does depend on the country and the makeup of the age gap. Older men marry younger women all over the world, but there are very few cultures where marrying an older woman is common.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that an age gap may be considered a red flag by the consulate. But it's important to understand what a red flag is. People sometimes act as though calling something a red flag means calling the relationship fraudulent. And that's not the case at all. All 'red flag' means is that the characteristic in question (here, an age gap) is common in cases that are fraudulent. Other red flags are a very short courtship and no common language. And, like always, the burden of proof is on the visa applicant to show that there is a valid relationship. Knowing what your potential problem areas can help you address them.

Having an age gap is not a reason for denial all by itself, and there's no magic number beyond which everyone gets denied. The important thing is that you show that there is a valid relationship.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-09 06:53:00
Middle East and North Africahello everyone
QUOTE (amira_ordonia @ Sep 11 2007, 06:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The more I think about it, the more I wonder if she is legally obligated to let him stay there? I mean when we do the I-134, don't we have to support them for 2 years and make sure they don't become a public charge? I don't know if its as easy as just kicking them to the curb once they are here. Does anyone have any info on that?


Nope, she's not legally obligated to support him. The I-134 is just an administrative requirement, meaning that the consulate uses it to gauge whether you're likely to be able to adjust status. She might, however, depending on the laws of the state, have a hard time getting him out of the house because as her spouse, it probably counts as his legal residence.

She's doing exactly the right thing by herself and her kids by leaving for now. The house is hers; it isn't going anywhere. She can start that legal process whenever she wants. But she needed to get out. And her kids needed to be out of that environment.

dee, you are demonstrating amazing courage and fortitude, and you are being a good mother by protecting them. rose.gif
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-12 08:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA Abuse Poll~~Please keep in MENA

Just a lil tidbit.....Dee also let him know all that beforehand and he swore he would never do such a thing......

Also I'd be careful with that gun 'cause it can always be used against you if you're not careful and the other person gets a hold of it. Guns make me very scared because they tend to give women a false sense of security where in reality in a split second it can be taken away from them and used against them.


Definitely be careful with the gun. Or the threat 'I'll shoot you.' Statistically I'm pretty sure more women are likely to be victims of violence of their own gun than successfully defend themselves, but no matter. You're not actually going to shoot him if he screams at you or hits you, say the odds, and the law's not going to back you up if it's revenge and not self-defense (and are you going to wear the loaded gun?) so don't rely on it mentally.

On asking him beforehand.... I'd bet it's the rare idiot who would confess to planning to beat his wife, or that he supports domestic violence. Just like everyone is always faithful, responsible with money, and puts the toilet seat down. Actions are a lot louder than words, and reactions are a close second. Did his father beat his mother? What would he do if his sister's husband hit her? Finding out answers to those kinds of questions would be worth more than a ton of personal disavowals of violence.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-17 11:36:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA Abuse Poll~~Please keep in MENA
Most visa journeys we only hear about in the beginning stages. Compare the number of NOA2!!!! to 'we got our visa!!!!!' with 'as it turned out, he/she used me for a green card' or 'he/she turned abusive shortly after the marriage.' No one likes to tell the non-happily-ever-afters. That will skew the results a little, but it's hard to draw any conclusions from data that isn't there.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-16 13:44:00
Middle East and North AfricaIts Ramadan time!
A prof of mine at undergrad married a Muslim girl from India, and he reported that she remarked that it wasn't hard to observe Ramadan in a community where every evening someone would be hosting the food. It felt like cheating to go to the party but not fast.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-10 11:45:00
Middle East and North AfricaIts Ramadan time!
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Sep 9 2007, 05:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (sarah and hicham @ Sep 9 2007, 05:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Sep 9 2007, 02:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (sarah and hicham @ Sep 9 2007, 03:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Jenn- are you observing Ramadan again this year?! Brave!!!

I am looking forward to the first day because I plan on doing a lot of cooking for the first night. I for one do not fast during Ramadan and I am not Muslim, but it sure seems like the next few years are going to be tough ones during the summer/fall months.


Yup, I am!

Wadi suggested we move to Alaska so that the next few years of Ramadan won't be so bad. laughing.gif



hahaha you can just take a Ramadan vacation every year to Alaska!


Good idea. Although on second thought, aren't the days really long during Alaskan summers? Maybe we'd be better off in Australia. We're gonna have to give this some more thought. unsure.gif


You'd be fasting 20 hours a day! And it would be light out the whole time! It's like God throws a dimmer switch around 11pm set to lighten at 2am.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-10 11:32:00
Middle East and North Africawhat is your opinion??
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Sep 12 2007, 04:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (deemabrouk @ Sep 12 2007, 04:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
he has the BEST crocidile tears.. and sad puppy face... EVERYONE is buying it right now.....


And they will continue to, no matter what you say. Honestly, I don't think there's any way for you to not come off looking like the bad guy, unfortunately. Water under the bridge, and they're thousands of miles away. Get on with living your life for you and your boys and leave the loser and everything associated with him in the dust.

Just my 2 cents.


I agree. You are in the right, but they're his family and are more than likely going to have his back even if the truth was in their face, green, and wiggling. I'd leave it. If they contact you, answer them truthfully and politely, but otherwise, no reason to seek them out.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-12 22:45:00
Middle East and North AfricaSatire Cartoon and Discussion
I have a colleague who used to work for Israeli military intelligence, and from discussions with him (he's been out of it for about four or five years, so he's out-of-date on current stuff, but not on general thinking), I suspect mawilson's theories here are closer to correct. Iraq has a lot of resources, the U.S. has an interest in being the de facto if not de jure owner of those resources (mostly because it keeps them from Russia), we have a history of bad blood with Saddam Hussein whose track record was brutal anyway, and post-9/11 the administration realized they had the political will to do whatever they wanted because the American people were looking around for someone to smack. I suspect that rhetoric about Israel belongs in the same category with 'liberating Iraqi', the 'flypaper theory' and 'yellowcake from Nigeria.' And I figured the administration thought we'd be in for a repeat of 1991 with an easy aftermath, and no one would care what the reasons were once the results were good.

Saddam Hussein was a secular power, too. According to my friend, at least, what scares the ###### out of Israeli intelligence is the thought of Iran with the bomb. Whether that fear is justified or not is a separate matter, but I get the sense from him that Iraq, while brutal, was pretty much a stable, known quantity. Iran's the real worry for Israel.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-23 13:49:00
Middle East and North AfricaThe hadith is not islam!

My basic deal with CoN is that it shows selection not corruption.. they merely chose which books-- they did not alter the books themselves.

The version thing always kind of makes me wonder. They are translations. All of the newest "versions" are translations from original texts which have to go passed a board. The older versions, such as KJV, are translations of translations generally, and that is never a good thing.. KJV also contains a lot of insertions which are removed in current translations. Versions also contain different commentaries and whatnot.. so it's not that the they say different things with different meanings, it's that they are different translations and different commentaries.

My eyewitness thing is not to say they were the actual eyewitnesses, but that they are supposed to be eyewitness accounts written down.. and that was my point :)

So out of curiosity, how do Muslims in general reconcile their holidays and such in the Qu'ran since they kind of pop into existence? Is it that the holiday celebrations were "lost" at some point? I have always wondered that!


I just totally disagree that selection of books and the intentions behind the selection does not equal corruption. But I'm not sure we'd convince each other otherwise on that one.

Can you elaborate on the holidays question? I don't know what you mean.


It's no more corruption than Islamic scholars arguing over how to interpret the requirement to be modest is corruption. The difference is that Christianity doesn't think that God dictated the book, just inspired it. And there were a lot of independent authors. So, there were a bunch of candidate books and a bunch of candidate theories about, e.g., the divinity of Christ, and basically, sides argued back and forth and eventually the council decided on a consensus. And the story goes that God was guiding them while they prayed as to whether this story about Christ was true or this one was false.

It doesn't mean that they were immune to having their own agendas, but, I don't know, if you can believe that God dictated a book, certainly you can understand why people might believe that God inspired people to make the correct decisions about which stories to include as canon.

It's corrupt only if your standard is 'directly writing what God said', but I think of it more like the Constitutional Convention, or a group of philosophers arguing. What I think of as corruption would include bad translations.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-08-14 12:14:00
Middle East and North AfricaSport Team Hijabs
doodle, that will be SO adorable. smile.gif
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-26 13:53:00
Middle East and North AfricaNeed MENA guidance on some personal choices
QUOTE (sarah and hicham @ Sep 28 2007, 03:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It really is a hard decision. I keep thinking that if I didn't go to Egypt then maybe I never would but if I didn't finish school first then maybe I never would.


It is indeed a tough call but I agree with sarah. I would put the schooling & internship first; it will put you two in a better position in the long run.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-28 17:57:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
QUOTE (Alhamdulillah @ Oct 4 2007, 11:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Caladan @ Oct 1 2007, 10:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Catholicism is okay with it provided the children are raised Catholic,

Are there different sects of catholicism? The reason I ask is becasue I know this to be untrue in the case of the catholic church. My ex-husband's priest would never marry us in the church unless I converted to his religion because I was a pagan at the time and his brother married a budhist who also had to convert and take religion classes before the priest would marry them in the church.



The local bishop has a lot of discretion, but C.'s not Catholic and we married, so it's definitely permissible under canon law. They really delayed his brother's marriage for over a year so he could convert? That's not right.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-05 19:07:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
Honestly, I think conflating culture and religion is common to most people who are born to a religion (rather than converting.) There's a lot of things the average Christian believes that might not be official doctrine* but that the person would take as more fundamental to their faith than an actual proscription to the faith. Christmas trees, guardian angels, certain practices about saints, beliefs about limbo, heaven, whatever; most people couldn't be talked out of them by pointing to a couple Biblical passages.

Where it gets complicated is in disentangling the two, and I'm not sure how fruitful this is likely to be outside of philosophical and academic discussions. At the very least, it would take a lot of wok. We might present the OPs mother with a long list of quotes of how Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian women and even present a skillful argument on how trinitarianism affects it. End result is probably still 'but my baby is marrying an American Christian and the sky is falling.'

But I would guess that it's unlikely to be convincing emotionally even if she understands it intellectually. It's easier for converts or scholars because they're approaching it from an outside perspective.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-02 12:14:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
QUOTE (Alhamdulillah @ Oct 1 2007, 02:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Are practising Jewish and Christian women premitted, by their faith, to marry a muslim man?


With Christianity it varies by sect. Catholicism is okay with it provided the children are raised Catholic, so in theory, yes, but if you have two people whose traditions separately require that the children be raised in their religion, there are either problems or someone's ignoring that particular faith requirement.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-01 21:55:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Sep 23 2007, 04:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Caladan @ Sep 23 2007, 11:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Catholics do not worship Mary. (There's a distinction between honoring someone and worshipping them.)


Could you elaborate on this? I'm just curious. Growing up Catholic, I feel that I most definitely worshipped Mary. I guess it depends on what you mean by worship. I might even consider the saints as being worshipped in Catholicism.


You've got the distinction between adoration and veneration right. Hey, this is the religion that invented the Jesuits. We're good at fine distinctions. In other words, it's ALL about the semantics and sometimes even about the syntax. One of these days I'm going to write a book analyzing the metaphysics of the Nicaean creed, because I swear, every. single. word. means something that a) was a result of an argument and cool.gif likely got someone declared a heretic.

A quick explanation: basically, when you pray to Mary or the saints, it's like asking your mom or dad or friends to pray for you. Except that Mary and the saints are people who have proved that they're very holy and devout and all that jazz. But the idea is that you're asking for their intercession, not for them to grant you thus-and-such.

Also, in general, the Trinity is really bizarre and requires a mess of philosophy that doesn't always work to keep it coherent. Whether that's good enough for Islam is a whole 'nuther ball of wax.

As an interesting side note, back in my undergraduate days, the professor of world religions I had said that early Muslims were most familiar with a heretical form of Christianity that said God, Jesus, and *Mary* were the Trinity, and he thought that the interpretation of Christianity as polytheist likely stemmed from that rather than the ancient & medieval philosophical interpretations.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-23 18:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
Christians don't believe the Bible was DICTATED by God. They believe it was INSPIRED by God, but that human beings wrote it. Not contradictory at all. The questions at the various councils were 'was this idea inspired by God, or is this idea only something that a man wrote without being inspired?'

I am sure you can google up yourself an argument on behalf of unitarians, but that doesn't change the fact that people who believe in the Trinity are not saying they believe in three gods.

Catholics do not worship Mary. (There's a distinction between honoring someone and worshipping them.) Christians did not just decide to eat pork because they liked it. They're not bound by the old covenant, either. They're, well, a different religion from Judaism.

Perhaps pointing to verses in isolation is the way to interpret Islam, though what I've read suggests otherwise. But pointing to a random verse in the Bible is a very bad way to go about religious scholarship about Christianity. Most Christians don't accept that the Bible is the only source of truth about God.

---

Anyhow, my only point was saying that Muslims can marry Christians as long as they don't believe anything non-Muslim about Christ, and expecting that this will lead to happiness and flowers and bunnies just isn't going to happen. Most denominations of Christianity are trinitarian, most accept that Jesus is God, and most accept that Jesus died and was resurrected and that that's the whole shebang. It's not just as easy as 'Muslims believe in Jesus, too'; from a Christian perspective it looks like 'Muslims can marry Christians as long as they're not really committed to anything like standard Christianity.' And that's without getting into even the fun doctrinal differences.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-23 10:50:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
The_dip_sticks, I hope your interpretation of Islam is better than your interpretation of Christianity, because you continually set yourself up as providing expert advice on both and you're continually getting Christianity wrong. Christianity is not a one book religion. Christians don't believe that the Bible was dictated by God. Instead it was a book put together by men who were inspired by God, and who had to decide which candidate letters and books were inspired by God, and which of the candidate books were false. And the creed of the faith is part of the faith, and it includes trying to figure out what sort of person Christ was. Christians don't believe that the Bible is the dictated word of God, and they disagree about how much of it meant as literally true.... but the important thing is that it's not meant to be read without thinking about it.

This lead to a lot of philosophy. And no, it doesn't say the word 'Trinity' in the Bible. (From what I recall, it doesn't give you specific instructions on how to do your prayers in the Quran, either... is that supposed to be a knockdown argument?) But it does say a lot of things, which monnik cited, about the nature of Jesus, the nature of God, and people argued that the best way to understand this was a triune God. There is only one God in Christianity. But God has three aspects. And there's been a lot of ink spilled on how to reconcile the Trinity with the idea that God is one.

You may not find it convincing, and that's fine, but saying 'omg where does it say trinity in the Bible' is really missing the point. Even the medieval Muslims had more of an argument than 'it isn't in the Bible silly Christians!'
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-23 09:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
Christians, even Catholics, do not worship Mary. Nope, nope, nope. But Jesus is God for Christians, and there's really no way around that. A Christian who just accepts Jesus as a prophet wouldn't be a very good Christian under most sects.

But none of that really matters in this case except to the extent that it makes an interfaith marriage difficult, and that it's not just as easy as saying 'Muslims can marry Christians as long as they don't believe in the divinity of Christ', as that excludes a lot of people. The problem's his mother and HER interpretation of what her good boy is allowed to do, and I fear that even if the facts of Islam differ from what she thinks, this isn't going to be a problem solved with philosophy.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-22 09:23:00
Middle East and North AfricaDoes Islam allow Muslim men to marry Christian women?
It might be a mom thing more than an Islam thing, and unfortunately, it could be just fine in Islam but still freak out his family.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-21 17:15:00
Middle East and North AfricaCivil marriage in Egypt
Let's be clear about terminology. Usually by 'civil marriage' we mean the *legal* entity of marriage (as opposed to a ceremonial or religious aspect of it). If you are civilly married, you are legally married. And if you're legally married in Egypt, you're not eligible for a K-1. You'd have to file for a K-3 or CR-1.

From my limited understanding of Islam, marriage is primarily (if not solely) a legal contract, so an Islamic marriage in secret makes about as much sense as saying there's a secret contract that no one's written down and no one can enforce. But whatever the case may be, the U.S. doesn't recognize that sort of marriage as counting as marriage for immigration purposes, so if you went that route, you could do a K-1.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-11 08:46:00
Middle East and North AfricaEmpire State Building lit up for Eid
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Oct 11 2007, 04:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Caladan @ Oct 11 2007, 04:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Oct 11 2007, 04:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's great!

Seeing that they also change the lights for Xmas and Hanukkah, I don't see why anyone would have a problem with it.


Because they are invading! Next we'll all have to, I dunno, eat falafel. ;)

Little green footballs are pretty much the biggest mouthbreathers on the internet.


I've been reading the comments and it is quite disturbing.

I'm just not making the connection. Somehow recognizing Ramadan is disrespectful to the casualties of 9/11? I fail to see the relationship.


You don't need causal connections when you've got your head up your ###, as LGF certainly demonstrates.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-11 16:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaEmpire State Building lit up for Eid
QUOTE (Jenn! @ Oct 11 2007, 04:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's great!

Seeing that they also change the lights for Xmas and Hanukkah, I don't see why anyone would have a problem with it.


Because they are invading! Next we'll all have to, I dunno, eat falafel. ;)

Little green footballs are pretty much the biggest mouthbreathers on the internet.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-11 15:48:00
Middle East and North Africaum timelines
They have 90 days by law to process I-765s. And to process those, they need to get the I-485s that go along with them at least partially evaluated. And to get that done, they're pulling people from other offices to help.

That's been made the priority, and rumor has it that some people who normally process visa petitions were moved over for the interim to work on the I-485s. That doesn't mean that work has stopped on everything else, but it might mean that instead of (say) 10 people working on K-1s, they only have 9.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-15 16:42:00
Middle East and North AfricaMarriage and affairs
With respect, it would be very hard to show that a marriage that lasted five years was fraudulent all along without concrete proof.

And there is no law that says 'if you received your green card by fraud, you can't sponsor a spouse.' If your green card was obtained fraudulently, you lose your green card. But the trouble is with proving that, and I think Jackie is best served by not troubling herself overly with his immigration status.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-16 14:30:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA Breakups
QUOTE (amira_ordonia @ Oct 17 2007, 02:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Maggie724 @ Oct 17 2007, 10:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (amira_ordonia @ Oct 17 2007, 10:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.


Compare no, but be aware of odd behaviors, such as keeping money separate and not allowing contact with their family. I read recently of a woman who's fiance has not introduced her to his family yet.



That is not necessarily odd behaivior. If my husband and I have seperate accounts and we break up, you can't look at that situation and say "uh oh, we have seperate accounts too, I bet he is up to no good" You have to remember that only a portion of the story is shared here on VJ. Many many details are left out. We rarely even hear the second side of the story too.


I think that's absolutely true, but I think there's also a value to introspection, even if you end up concluding that their problem isn't a sign that it could be your problem. Comparing can be important just in the case that it makes the person think.

I mean, counselors compare. That's how they know patterns that abusers fall into, and pointing out to a woman that it is a pattern can help her break free of it.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-17 15:00:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA Breakups
And I don't think GEG started the thread over guns or SS fraud, so we should be good.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-17 09:26:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA Breakups
QUOTE (brnidokiegurl @ Oct 17 2007, 09:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
life happens, both men and women deceive (or can) no matter where they are from....the lucky ones go into a relationship with equal intent and love and make it work the others will find some degree of not being equal on some point from one partner and it fails. This is relationships from day one of time.


This is certainly true, but it's equally true that there are patterns in break-ups. It's not questioning the integrity of personal relationships to wonder whether there are patterns or warning signs that could conceive vary by culture.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-17 09:04:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA/USA marriages
I think there's a tendency for everyone, male or female, no matter where they're from, to have a default idea of what married life looks like based on their own experiences growing up. Little things, like how people argue, or whose responsibility it is to wash the dishes or do the laundry, or the amount of deference a husband is supposed to show his wife, or who drives when you go out. And it's stuff that might not show up while dating, because it's like people have a space in their head about how a boyfriend or girlfriend is supposed to act, but a different space for how a wife or husband is supposed to act. It happens with everyone, but when two people are from the same culture they don't notice as much.

And long distance makes this worse. Because when you visit, even if you rack up ten visits before marrying, someone is always on vacation. Vacations have different rules than the rest of life. You spend a little more. You're not worried about dividing up chores or going to work or any of that.

And if his idea of what a wife does is very different from what yours is, it's going to be a hard time. And it's not because anyone's wrong, really.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-09-10 09:09:00
Middle East and North Africaspeaking of breakups...
Congrats, you two!
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-19 09:57:00
Middle East and North Africaspeaking of breakups...
Oh, sweetheart. I have no answer about the relationship worries (except to say that people move back from overseas and file for their spouses all the time; they just show that they're currently employed. previous filings are okay, too, if you have a reason like moving there and then moving back) But what's changed? Had they supported you before and changed their minds?
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-17 15:47:00
Middle East and North AfricaBullies on the Mena boards
They are not bullies just because they didn't like your Irish nostalgia poem.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-16 18:32:00
Middle East and North AfricaSunday
Beef ribs are awesome. My slow-cooker 'recipe':

Tomato sauce
Brown Sugar
Apple Cider Vinegar
Salt
Pepper
Red Onion

Chop the red onion finely. Mix the tomato sauce, vinegar, & sugar & spices to taste. You're looking for something sweet and tangy, so start with the tomato sauce as a base and add the vinegar and sugar slowly until you get the consistency you want. You can also add cloves or nutmeg if you want to.

Pour mixture over:
Beef ribs

Put them in a slow cooker on low. Come back later. Eat.
CaladanMaleCanada2007-10-21 17:04:00