biggish data

QUOTE (Nich-Nick @ Nov 23 2009, 06:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Gemmie--that sucks...the part about sitting in the school office waiting to go to grandma's house. You are doing them a favor to take the time to visit her. Such a sweet thing to do. But to have to add those extra hours and transportation arrangements is getting over the top. I wouldn't do it because it's imposing on your good nature and personal time. And it's setting a precedence that will get harder to get out of. If they don't want grandma to drive then, perhaps grandma visits will have to wait until you can get a driver's license and car. Don't get in a trap that will be harder to get out of later. Just say how you feel and don't feel ungrateful. A short pop-in visit is one thing, but a scheduled marathon day being expected of you is another. I know you're trying to please the new family, but you ultimately need to please yourself and the best time is from the start.

It's hard being young, unemployed, and in a new environment. I applaud you for hanging in there knowing things will get better. You're very mature and sensible.

And on an accent note...In south Texas we have a lot of Mexicans who speak with a heavy accent or have limited English skills. I'm used to the accent. So the funny part is Nick with his British accent trying to talk to Rodriguez our lawn guy. Neither one of them has a clue what the other is saying, so they need me as the interpreter. Nick also refuses to go through a drive-thru like at Jack-in-the-Box because they never understand him and it just winds him up too much.

Thank you, Nich. You are so, so right. I think I need to set this straight now.

Heather, I do think her driving has gone downhill. She takes longer to react to lights changing to green, and she drives slowly, parks strangely. She's one of those oldies that you get frustrated at when you're in a hurry.

Missus, I know what you mean about basically not acting like a child and saying things how they are. When it's my close friends, I'm able to do that. The reason I've been hesitant is because there's an 82 year old's feelings on the line here. I have some guilty feelings about not giving my own grandparents more time when they were alive, so it makes me realise how precious those relationships are. I don't want to come out with a line about "not wanting to spend 8 hours with her" or being "stuck up there all day" because it's not the nicest thing to hear, even for the in-laws. I'm trying to be polite about it, and still compromise.

Bill got home from work for just 30 minutes today and when he did, we talked more about the situation, and we're going to simply say that it's just going to have to wait until I have my own vehicle/license because the restrictions are getting too much. I can still talk to her on the phone every week until then.

Thanks for all the helpful responses, I love coming to VJ.

About the accent thing, it's also funny when there's another Brit around who wants to find out if YOU'RE a fellow Brit before they ask, so try and ask pointless questions so they can hear your accent.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-11-23 19:03:00

He works an hour/40 miles away, Heather.

Every other week would still pose the same problem, plus I would need to explain why I want to change it. I don't know how to phrase it so that I don't come off as a b1tch. Does it sound bitchy? Saying that I don't want to spend 8 hours up there, and that I feel like a child having to be driven around by everyone? I don't want to look ungrateful, as they're going out of their way to pick me up too.

Hubby agrees that it's annoying, and says that I just need to tell my MIL the truth. I know that he'll talk to her if I don't.. but then I don't want it to look like I'm BEING a child by getting him to do it for me.

I dunno, I guess I'll have to find a way to tell them that I don't want to do this anymore, and that maybe when we can afford another car, we can keep doing the weekly visits.

Edited by Gemmie, 23 November 2009 - 12:57 PM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-11-23 12:55:00

Great post Missus. It sums up perfectly how I felt during and after the K1 process... and still do, somewhat.

(The other day, I was stressing out because a guy at the car-dealership asked me a question about where we got our inspection sticker. I was trying to say "A&A automotive" but because of the accent difference, I had to repeat it like three times and he still didn't understand me.

)

Actually, here's a bit of a rant and problem: Every Thursday I spend the day with my husband's grandmother as she lives alone and likes spending time with me. She usually picks me up at our house. Lately, my in-laws have been saying that it's dangerous for her to be driving to our house every week because she's over 80 years old and they don't feel comfortable having her come such a long way. So they suggested that my MIL brings me to school with her (where she works) and I can sit in the office for a few hours until the grandmother is able to come there and pick me up (as it's closer).

I've discussed this with my husband, and I don't know what to do. I really want to spend time with her, but I feel like a child; having to be taken to school with my MIL and left in the office for 3 hours until my grandmother can pick me up and take me to hers... and then have my MIL pick me up again at the end of the day. That also means I have to spend 8-10 hours at my grandmother's house, which although I love spending time with her, I'm sure everyone can understand that a period of time like that is a bit much.

The way that everyone has already discussed this and agreed on it without talking about it with me (other than telling me what they decided) is also frustrating and adds to the feeling like a child. I'm about to take my written driving test, but even after that, we can't afford another car right now, so I'm still pretty stuck.

Things like this really make me miss the independence I had back home. It's a big drop from the days in England where I would hop on a train and go to visit my grandfather, have lunch with him and then go off and visit some friends, etc.

So although things are difficult when you're in the process of waiting for the visa and such, there are always difficult things to go through once you get to the US. I see posts from people who have come over, gotten jobs, gotten cars, and settled in pretty quickly and sometimes I feel like I'm stuck behind and have to remind myself that all of these things will come in time. Just like with the visa.

Edited by Gemmie, 23 November 2009 - 12:34 PM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-11-23 12:33:00

Hmm, I do empathise with people that suffer during the process. It's not easy. Having said that, I have seen people obsess over the smallest things. I've seen people ask the same question five times even if they have a decent response, when the problem isn't so much of a problem.

I admit that I'm sometimes guilty of complaining about the process when there are people that have had it a LOT worse. Our process has been pretty average time-wise. That's just me wanting to be out of the USCIS hole for a couple of years as everyone else does.

I do try to remind myself of some of the more unfortunate cases I read on the forum; there are two posters from my filers thread (August 2008) that still haven't gotten their visas, and that was 15 months ago; MARM who has been put through administrative hell, and Mara who had her petition lost twice in a row and then after winning an appeal, had USCIS fail to respond. She is now back in Australia and starting all over again with a spousal visa. Of course, Sara who waited so, so long just for the NOA2. And some of the few stories where petitioners have tragically died, sometimes when the foreigner is unable to even go to the funeral of their loved one. THOSE are the ones that really have it bad, and I do try and keep a level-head when I want to complain that I haven't been touched in a few weeks.

Sorry to hear about the problems you've all been experiencing... I especially sympathise with you RebeccaJo (if only because once the visa process is complete, as awful as your journeys may have been, you can begin the next stage together, and once your fiance/spouse is picking you up from the airport, you forget all the negatives).

Financial strain is something that we've been through too, what with unemployment, car-replacements, immigration fees, etc, and I can honestly say that it's been the most stressful part of our relationship, moreso than any distance, permanent-living-together-type things, or homesickness. My husband has only just managed to get a full-time job with benefits and plans of advancing. We've finally managed to afford a full-sized bed and can now start saving to get our own place. We've always refused to buy things that we cannot pay for, and so we're lucky that other than student loans, we don't owe anything - and we can start treating ourselves now and then, which takes off some of the strain. I hope you two find something soon.

I do keep track of how people are getting on when I come on VJ, and am rooting for you all.

Edited by Gemmie, 19 November 2009 - 08:43 PM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-11-19 20:41:00

Is the best option naturalization? Duel Citizen? Permanent Resident?

Yeah, it sounds complicated, but it isn't.

After 3 years of being a resident in the US (as long as you two stay married), he can become a US citizen and KEEP his UK citizenship at the same time. To be honest, I didn't really want to become a USC but am considering it, just so that we don't have to deal with immigration paperwork again. Even if I don't stay here long-term, if we ever choose to move back to the US, I don't want to ever have to look at a visa application again.

I'm not AS sure on the other way round, but I think you can become a UK citizen after living there for 3 or 5 years.

Your kids can be registered in both countries and automatically get both passports, which means they have rights to both.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-05 13:40:00

Is anyone going to their interview alone?

Thank you so much Gemmie. I have to say I felt so emotional when I read your last line. Its so true! I cant wait for us to be together!

The issue of denial doesnt bother me. I think its more the anticipation. If I have to wait 5 hours I'm gonna be in a right state by the time I step up to meet the consular officer. I have visions of me collapsing on the floor in a sea of papers lol! I know it'll be ok really, but I was like this with my medical and Russ was with me then. Unless you have been through this process, no-one can truly understand.

Thanks for the support everyone!

Well it was about 3 hours for the initial wait to hand over paperwork (which was the biggest one really, I was worried he wouldn't accept our financial info), and then another 1-2 for the chat.

I only had to wait that long as I got there at 8:45 for my 9:00 appointment. I listened to their letter when they said "don't turn up more than 30 mins in advance". I would advise you to get there as early as possible! MonkeyJuice had her interview the same day as mine, and she saw me on the way out still waiting... because she got there very early!

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-04 15:31:00

Is anyone going to their interview alone?

I went alone, the week after my fiance went back to the US.

I wasn't really nervous until the night before... then I was re-checking all of the forms, freaking out over minor details and couldn't think of anything else! I left for London at 4am or something, and was feeling sick the entire way - especially when the bus stopped at Heathrow on the way there, and I was remembering all of those horrible feelings from the week before.

I'll tell you what, though... you're going to be fine. There is a feeling of anticipation when you're in the waiting room (I waited 5 hours) but once you're up there and talking to the interviewer and handing over forms, you'll be fine. Just remember that it's just a quick chat that asks the same questions that everyone asks when they find out about your American fiance! And also that the chances of denial are extremely low - that helped me. The interview was painless and he only asked about three questions.

I skipped out of there with my massive X-Ray in my hand, bumping into everyone with it, texting everyone to let them know. And guess what? When the bus stopped at Heathrow on the way back, I felt so happy!

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-04 12:42:00

Question for anyone who has had their interview already...

I'm not laughing at you, just the memory of being in this position. "Do they want me to wear smart trousers and blouse?" It is an interview after all...

No, they really don't care. In fact, they barely looked at me the entire time I was there! I went in jeans and a jumper, and do did everyone else by the looks of it.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-06 11:37:00

Please cross your fingers

I've done both, and nothing ever came up when they scanned my suitcase, and I've never had a random bag search either. If it makes you feel better though, I would bag them for now.

Have fun

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-11 11:57:00

Please cross your fingers

Fingers crossed!!

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-08 12:18:00

Shaw's is pretty much the only thing I miss about living in New England.

I bet you don't miss the weather. I'm sick of snow!

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-12 11:12:00

Wow, where do you find Heinz beans in the US! I miss them when I go over there!

We just found some in Shaws, but I don't know if they're a national supermarket of just around here. But lots of places have international food sections, this one being labelled "world foods" and there were a few shelves of goodies, including PG tips, Bisto, curry sauce, digestives, rice pudding, Ribena, and a bit of chocolate. It's expensive, but well worth it when you need something British. I used to treat myself to some British food every Monday but I've found that lately, I don't need to do that anymore, which is nice.

You can find some nice exchanges in the food, as well. For example, I miss having Indian take-aways everywhere (we went 2 hours into the city the other day just for a curry)... but I love having the most gorgeous burgers and honey mustard. I miss Galaxy chocolate, but like the chocolate pretzels that they do here.

Ask me to live without my English tea though, and we have a problem.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-11 11:53:00

Many moons ago someone linked a graph about homesickness ... figured I'd share it again!

Wow, thanks so much for posting this. I related to all of it. Right now I seem to be going through the inner crisis stage, but have just started to explore other options that are available, so hopefully I'll follow the rest of the chart as well.

I think it's so important to have the times where you cry and mourn for your old life, take comfort in whatever kind of imports that you can, but also try and make a new one for yourself. That is what I'm learning, that just because I'm in a mess right now, I won't always b, as long as I stick at it.

January has been a turning phase for me where I decided I was fed up of being down about everything I lost, and was going to make myself a life here. My MIL has told me that on the 14th, she's taking me to the DMV for my written test.. and just having people look at my resume and give me some advice on it has been immensely helpful, and makes me realise what I have to offer the US.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-08 17:50:00

I've been here for about 7 months now and I do find it difficult. I go crazy at times as I'm stuck at the in-laws, unemployed, unable to drive, and alone every day. I don't get "homesick" in the traditional sense, but I do get "familiar-sick" in that I miss knowing where I'm going, how to do things, where to buy things, how much things should cost, etc. I miss feeling like the old me, being independent. I miss being able to talk to people without them being startled by an accent and not listening to what I'm saying and then having to repeat it with people turning to look; and worse... when they start speaking louder and slower, as if I struggle with English. :lol:

And yes, DisneyLovers, having the name Gemma is sometimes a curse as they've never heard of it.

Like MonkeyJuice, I miss going out with my best friends and all being so close together, especially when I hear that they've been meeting up without me, it stirs a feeling inside me that I hate; it's not jealousy, I'm glad they're getting on well, it's a worry that I'm missing out on such quality time with people I love. At the same time though, when I was out with them, I would miss my husband so much, and would often be thinking about what he's doing at that moment, when I'm going to see him next, etc. Sometimes I just burst into tears after talking to a friend from back home, and my husband gets confused to how I can be fine and laughing one minute, and crying the next. We were planning on sending me over for a visit, but it's all up in the air at the moment, because I really wanted to make a life for myself here before I go back; I don't want to be depressed when I get back - but I'm being pulled in every direction with my family wanting to see me.

This is what my plan is: get my resume perfected, send it to jobs that I think I would love to do... and also to a few jobs that will just give me anything to do during the day. Re-learn the driving theory. Look for a yoga class in the area to meet people and get out of the house. Start viewing some apartments. My MIL told me last night that I need some mental stimulation and should look at applying to some college classes in the evenings, and even offered to cover the insurance if they need it. Once I start moving, look at going to the UK for a visit.

What is your husband excited about? What is his passion? That might sound like an odd question but reading through your posts, you seem to describe a very passive person. He's not really had many friends, likes to keep himself to himself, doesn't want to drive around there, doesn't know what food he wants, doesn't even complain about it but just seems generally unhappy. It sounds like someone who feels stuck, that needs to find a new goal, something to be excited about over there. You say he used to like his sport, has he tried joining a gym and trying some of the other kind of stuff? Is there a career that he's always wanted to go for? Does he WANT to make some friends? If he has something to work towards, he can start building himself a life over here. If he's going to be here for another 7 years, he really needs to get involved as much as he can, and just make the most of it.

Edited by Gemmie, 08 January 2010 - 12:04 PM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-08 12:03:00

Medical?

Yeah, it's nothing to worry about.

It was literally a one second peek.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-19 12:48:00

what do you do?

QUOTE (nickandkayte @ Dec 18 2009, 01:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am trying to go to the gym a lot more for my confidence and also hanging out with Nick's friends which is good

I may take a walk around the mall at some point in the coming weeks, I used to love shopping on my own!

We went to the VA office yesterday to see about any support we can get and they very kindly gave us some Wallmart vouchers to help us out with food which has been awesome

. I know Nicks parents would help us if we were really struggling, but we did need a little more support with food so this will definitly help out.

I think they are just trying to be nice with showing us all these houses, there are some good deals in Florida but now is not the right time to move out I feel....Does your FIL still want you to take the job after you spoke to him?

Yes, he said that I could always look for a job in my field whilst working at the coffee shop in town. He even said he'll ask his friend if there are any jobs at the hunting store, and he knows I hate hunting. I know he's trying to help but everyone in the family knows that he comes off as critical rather than helpful. There are so many times where I just want to get a job to prevent people making comments, but that's not the right motivation at all. My best friends have told me to stick to my guns and keep looking for a desired job as it takes time, and a British woman around here told me that once I get to interview, she believes I'll have no problems getting the job; but I do feel pressured by living with the in-laws. Of course, we can't move out until we build up a credit history.

I've ordered a book on 'what to do with your psych degree' which has different career options, and it includes how to get into different paths. I'm hoping that will be useful, as well as having a tea meeting with some people next week that might be able to point me in the right direction in working with people.

Good news about the food stamps. Every little helps, right? Exercise also helps with stress. I was going to join a local yoga class, but the only ones around here require gym memberships and those are so expensive.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-12-18 12:15:00

what do you do?

I meant my FIL pushing me to take any job (coffee shop) just so I don't have to sit around the house all day.

We had a talk the other day and I told him that I was trying to get a decent job with benefits that I can make a career out of, and he basically told me that any job is better than none. Are your in-laws dropping hints that they want you of their house? Maybe they're trying to help in their own way.

The money situation is difficult, maybe you can do something cheap like going to a nearby plaza and just walking around, looking in the shops, getting some fresh air. Do you have any pets? Sometimes it's nice to play with them together. Or renting a DVD and having a night in together.

About the confidence, I'll tell you what helps me. Being dropped off at a train station, going into the city (in this case Boston) and spending a few hours there by myself. It reminds me of my old life in the UK when I would happily walk everywhere, talk to people, go shopping, etc. I always felt a LOT happier when I was picked up afterwards, my confidence was restored, and so was my motivation to get out there and make a life for myself. We can't do that anymore as my husband works full-time and there's not a lot to do in the city for 8 hours. But it's still a quick way to feel better.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-12-17 12:35:00

what do you do?

QUOTE (nickandkayte @ Dec 17 2009, 01:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just read something saying voluntary work or training is not allowed...

My Fiancee and I had a very different image in our mind when I arrived, we thought it wouldn't be this stressful, all this paperwork, money worries. We are living with his parents and waiting to move out, but we cant until we paid the AOS, and until I get a good paying job. I am Thinking it would of been simpler to move him to the UK!

Plus sitting about all day and night is driving me stir crazy and we cant go out since we are very broke... Just waiting for this all to be over and for the fun stuff to happen...Grrrr. Anyone else frustrated or in a similar situation?

We are in the exact same situation.

I've been in the US for 6 months and I have to admit, I never thought it would be so stressful. My confidence has gone down since being here as I'm in the house all day without interaction. I know it sounds really, really strange, especially to those of you that are out and about. I never thought this would happen to me. I get nervous talking to people (which I never did before) as the only conversation I get is over the phone to my UK friends and family... (and of course my husband and his parents). We live in the countryside about a mile away from the centre... I don't think his family realise how isolating it is sometimes. They tell me to just take a walk into the town centre and look around the shops, but the only shops they have there: A Dunkin Donuts, a bank, an antique shop and a hairdressers. When my husband gets home from work, he listens to me whine about how bored I've been and tries to take me out, but because we're saving to move out (I also live with my in-laws), there's nowhere to go.

I've just got my green card and have been job-hunting for the past few weeks, but there doesn't seem to be any luck with my field because I don't have enough experience and also don't have a driving license. Even if I get one, we can't afford another car and my husband needs his for work every day. My FIL is pushing me to take any job that I can just to get me out of the house, but I've had many "entry-level" jobs in the past that I really didn't enjoy (waitress, barmaid, sales, cleaner) and want to do something for my future. I've just got a degree and want to use it. Plus what with the travel situation, that would mean my husband getting home from work and then dropping me off at my job at night, so I'd still be on my own all day and not get time with him either.

Things will get better. I know this. We're struggling to move out, but when we do, I'll have a feeling of growth as a couple, and will be able to settle both physically and mentally. It's the being in limbo that is annoying, but it will pass.

I'm pretty sure you ARE allowed to volunteer though. The rule is that you're not allowed to accept paid work. So I would go for that, if you're able to get to the place.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-12-17 11:50:00

Children & Wills

I was executrix of my father's and husband's estates and I didn't find probate to be difficult at all. I prepared the paperwork myself using a book from the law library at the courthouse with the word for word documents in the appendix. The probate department suggested it to me. I filed and went to court by myself. It's just a matter how much of a do-it-yourself person you want to be. And it didn't have to be done immediately while you are deep in grief. You would, of course, have to know if your state worked the same way.

I agree with Nich. My grandad passed away while I was in the US and unable to leave. This left my brother dealing with all of the paperwork. At first, he thought he could legally take over on behalf on my grandad using the probate process, but then he heard that seeing as there was no will, he had no more right than my grandad's children and myself - and also that he wasn't entitled to 100% of the estate. Without even thinking, he hired a lawyer to do the work for him because he said he didn't have the time (I think it was more a lack of knowledge).

That was in July, and we're still waiting for the lawyers to kick their butts into gear. They're constantly asking for paperwork that they already received, and their progress always seems to be "we're waiting on the banks/social services". My brother thinks everything is fine with that, but even after going through this immigration process and knowing a thing or two about D-I-Y vs. lawyers, I have a feeling we would've already been out of the financial mess if we filed the probate ourselves. I mean, they're still harassing him about information re. the whereabouts of one of the beneficiaries; isn't that what we hired them for? To deal with the names on the list and getting the estate through the bank?

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-19 12:46:00

British/Scottish recipes

I had the same "#######" reaction when I saw Quaker Oats here. I just wanted plain ones that I could add milk too, but everything was covered in seasonings/toppings that were way too much.

I SO wish there was more of a roast diner culture here in the US. It seems that they only do it for an extra special occasion, and even then, it's not the same. I don't know how to tell my MIL that because she tries. If I ever decide to make one, she'll probably be surprised. Here, there's a lack of roast potatoes (always mash), there is more emphasis on stuffing than veggies, and the gravy is always way too thin and flavoured. And this is with every roast I've seen, including in a restaurant. I want my roasties, beef, yorkshire pudding, stuffing, peas, runner-beans, broccoili and thick beef gravy!

Sometimes I see Shepherd's Pie on the menu and want to order it so bad, but don't want to be one of those annoying natives that complain that it's not cooked right.

I'm not trying to completely slag off American food, I like most of it. I just miss the authentic British food.

Edited by Gemmie, 18 November 2009 - 12:16 PM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-11-18 12:13:00

Coping with the move from the UK to the US

Like Kirsten, I was also given some advice from my friend in the UK who had moved from Japan. She told me that it is hard and you do get homesick, but just try to stay positive, and whenever you're having a bad day, just get some home comforts (in her case some green tea and biscuits) and think about how lucky you are to have such an opportunity. I wish I had paid more attention to her advice, because there were many things I could've done differently to make the adjustment easier.

Driving is SO important. I have never driven before in the UK because I didn't need to, but here you have to drive at least 20 minutes to get anywhere, even to the local supermarket. I'm taking my permit test today and then the family will take in turns teaching me until I feel ready to take the road test. Yes, it terrifies me because I've seen some really awful drivers out there, but I just have to learn to drive defensively. Obviously I'll be required to drive for work as well (interview tomorrow), so it is such a priority to do this. I wish I had started learning earlier than I did. I went through a stage where I didn't see the point in anything, and looking back, I see that I had been quite depressed because of the isolation and dependence on others. The ONLY way to break out of this is to get out there and learn to do things.

Friends. Unfortunately, my husband worked from home a lot on his last job, which means he didn't make any friends, and the ones he had from the job before that he had lost contact with. He's a pretty introverted guy anyway, so it didn't bother him too much, but it means I didn't really have anyone to talk to once I got here outside of my in-laws. I tried making friends with my MIL's friends, but because of how we're at different points in our lives, plus their extreme religious beliefs, there just wasn't anything in common, and I realised I had to make friends of my own. Hopefully I'll get that when I start working because it's really important to have someone to talk to. I agree that in the UK, people tend to have friends that stay that way for life, and in the US, I'm constantly being told that things change and people move on and make new friends.

Shopping isn't that bad once you forget what you're used to. I've become quite familiar with the brands that we eat now, so going to the supermarket to buy cheese is just as simple as it was back home (as long as you stick to the same brands). I've also gotten used to the pricing difference. When I first got here, everything seemed to cheap to me because I kept assuming that 1GBP=2USD, not taking into accounts the fall in exchange rates and difference in salary. Now I've learned what is expensive and what isn't. Eating out is MUCH cheaper in the US, and we can afford to go out a few times a week.

The humour thing... I have noticed a tiny difference, but that might be because of who is around me. My MIL told me she had noticed some resentment from me towards the Irish :lol:

, and I didn't know how to explain to her that I was joking, it's normal for there to be some teasing among the English/Irish/French. Sometimes when me and my husband are playing around, I'll say something like "you're so gay" and everyone around us acts like I've said something really offensive. Or I'll joke about how he abuses me constantly, and get a serious response. Maybe these are not cultural differences though, because my husband shares this kind of banter with coworkers. I don't know.

All in all, my biggest advice (which I wish I had practised earlier) is to not let yourself become isolated because it leads to awful consequences. Get out there and adapt as quickly as possible.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-28 12:37:00

taking my wife back to UK

indefinitely!!

Once you leave the country for a certain length of time (forgot what it is) you lose it though

Blonde moment.

I guess I was seeing it as a 10 year GC equivalent.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-26 16:58:00

taking my wife back to UK

We're not sure if we ever plan on returning to the UK to live (we've been through US immigration now, and want to give our lives a good shot here before deciding something like that).

BUT this is another reason I want to get US citizenship. By then, we would have been married for over 4 years so hubby would be granted ILR and I would have a US passport.

How long is ILR for?

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-26 12:21:00

taking my wife back to UK

Yeah, I have a friend who did the US-UK move. We had filed the I-129F and we had been waiting 5 months to hear anything. Then she decided to apply for a UK fiancee visa, moved, and got married... then we got the NOA2. :lol:

Edited by Gemmie, 25 January 2010 - 02:18 PM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-01-25 14:18:00

What now?

Things I did before I left:

- Kept bank account open as I needed to pay off an overdraft and also good to transferring money.
- Gave books, clothes, and possessions that I didn't want to charity.
- Cashed in deposit from apartment ( do not forget this, it's extra money!).
- Closed accounts with TV license, phone, internet.
- Notified electrical/gas company that I was moving.
- Notified Student Loans when I received my green card along with evidence that I'm unemployed and my husband is supporting me. I haven't heard back from them yet, so I probably need to contact them to find out the deal. I would advise doing this before you leave if you have student loans.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-02-18 18:19:00

How frustrating, the wait must be awful..

I waited 5 weeks to hear back for my interview date but my fiance was in the UK with me at the time, so it didn't seem as bad.

I hope it goes quickly for you!

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-12-01 21:35:00

Are you supposed to receive a copy? I had my medical a month before my interview and never heard ANYTHING back from my medical or blood test. No one mentioned anything at the interview either.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-11-28 10:26:00

I also thought it could've been done a bit more professionally.

It was quick, I'll give them that. But the receptionist was rude, the doctor didn't speak to me unless asking a question on her checklist (leaving minutes of silence), and I felt rushed too. After the chest X-ray, the guy told me to take my clothes and just go back to the other room, so in I went - carrying my bra! So being made to sit around the waiting room in a robe (nothing underneath) was uncomfortable, to say the least.

I was glad to pay the money and get out of there, and go shopping in London with my fiancee (at the time)!

Congrats on getting through it!

Edited by Gemmie, 27 November 2009 - 06:51 PM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-11-27 18:49:00

Congrats Ellie and Dave.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-05-11 15:51:00

QUOTE (H&V @ May 7 2009, 09:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Quick question: I saw made a typo on one of my answers in Packet 3 - pretty small but it was on the 'visits to US' dates (where it just asks for month/year) - I accidently put that I left a month later than i really did (no idea how, I thought I checked it a million times!). Should I actively point this out at the interview (which part - the first or second person?) or should I wait for them to question it (it will be inconsistant with an answer on one of the other forms)? I'm sure I should, I was just wondering if anyone else has had to explain something like that before?

MARM, I have my fingers crossed again for your passport turning up! And mrs_sdp - glad you are ok with your letter now, and have fun doing the toursit thing in London!

Hmm, personally I would let them know when they ask about trips to the U.S (if they do ask - they did with me, just about the longest time I've been over there).

With the date changing to a month later, does it make it look like an overstay? If so, I would definitely mention it.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-05-07 05:09:00

Congratulations!!

Yeah, it's £5 at Gould pharmacy.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-05-06 12:42:00

Congrats!

I remember you messaging me when you were worried. You got through everything.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2009-04-28 16:07:00

visiting the doctor back home?

Yeah, I was in the same position. I used to be prescribed medication for painful periods while living in the UK, and even when I moved TOWNS, they weren't happy letting me see my doctor. They did let it slide one more time, but there's no way I could get them now that I've left the country. I don't have insurance right now, so I'm holding on until I can be included on my husband's plan.

I think you'll just have to keep using the co-pay and going back here.

Edited by Gemmie, 23 February 2010 - 11:24 AM.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-02-23 11:23:00

Official stuff that needs to be done before moving on K-1

I think there's a charge unless you're with Nationwide or something. I haven't used my debit card in the US because of this, I've kept it open until I can pay off the overdraft and then will close it down.

I would have a chat with your bank about it.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-02-18 18:25:00

Waiting...

I think it takes a while to put in the system even after they've received it, I waited 5 weeks to hear back from them.

Call if you can, and sit tight.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-02-23 11:20:00

A very important warning re:medical insurance

He needs to talk to his Human Resources rep and find out. If he doesn't have it he might have missed the boat...

Generally this is how it works. Let's assume your fiance' has insurance. When you get married it is considered a "qualifying event" and there is a window of time he has to add you to his policy. If he does not do it within that time frame, you cannot be added until the next open enrollment, and the date for that varies by company. Example: If Rob moves here in July and we marry in July. I will have 30 days to add him to my insurance. If I don't add him within those 30 days, I have to wait until open enrollment in January to add him.

Does that help? I know it's confusing, but if it makes you feel better listening to him talk about the healthcare in the UK makes me want to pull my hair out on occassion. I think it is just getting used to the unknown.

Yeah that makes sense, thanks.

He's been trying to get answers but everything takes so freaking long in his company. He was promised a raise months ago, and also trying to get the 'go ahead' to get on a training course they offer, but it seems we're waiting on people to get back to us on any of it. I know that he qualified for health insurance in February or March, so even though we got married in September, I'm hoping it's fine to just add me onto it as it's new for him as well.

What don't you understand about UK healthcare? As far as I understood, it's mostly just provided if needed.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-03-19 11:10:00

A very important warning re:medical insurance

All of the health insurance stuff has me banging my head against a wall sometimes. I've been in the US for 9 months and I still don't have health insurance. Yesterday I was told that the state has the right to take a hefty sum from our tax return, but luckily there's a way around it if I can prove we don't make a lot of money and I've been here for less than a year. Phew!

We've been waiting on my husband's employer. The policy states he has to work 3 months full-time to be on their health insurance (which he has) and they still haven't given us the details on who it's through or if I can be added. Apparently he'll be paying like $400 a month for us at least, which is a lot considering he only makes $1600 a month. So basically we're counting on me landing a job with better benefits.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-03-18 12:53:00

Girlfriend denied B2... affects VWP?

Hmm, I personally think she has enough evidence to get through, BUT the fact that she has to admit being denied for a US visa now draws attention to her. So if it wasn't going to be a big deal before, it probably will be now. I understand why you wanted her to spend 6 months with you, but unfortunately it isn't as simple as that, and just having those kind of connections in the US which allow you to stay and apply for AOS is terms for denial. Had she just used the VWP and stayed for a shorter time, they probably wouldn't have put too much thought into it.

Water under the bridge now. If you decide to try it; pack all the evidence you can, and when she gets asked about her denial, she'll have to answer honestly about the reason, and be prepared for some more questions. For example, I used the VWP about 11 times and towards the end, they started asking questions about how I could have so much time in the US if I had this residency in the UK. I responded with "I'm in school right now, I have a letter here confirming this if you'd like to see". Usually that was enough to satisfy them. Other times they asked about our intentions, and I would turn it into an 'evidence' card... such as "we want to wait before we get married, I still have x time in school left, here's my letter'...

I'm afraid there isn't much option to see how she likes America for long periods of time. The K1 visa is a one-entry visa that means if she comes in using that, she either marries you in 90 days or leaves. So if you decide you two want to make the commitment to get married and have her live there, you'll have to consider her adjustment on limited time.

Whatever you decide, good luck, and be prepared for anything.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-03-16 11:14:00

Dual Citizenship- Your Opinion

You're right, it's not fair, and I can sense your hatred of the UK and its systems. But to be honest, it's not any easier in the US.

My husband is in a decent job, 40 hours a week, with talks of getting his real estate license, and we still can't afford to live on his salary alone. We barely even leap the poverty limit needed to have me here, and because of instability in this economy, he wasn't given the raise he was promised. Back in the UK, everyone I know is entitled to some kind of benefit or rent reduction. I've heard people discuss how they're getting double their income due to tax credits and child benefits alone. Since moving to the US, they can't believe how difficult it is for me and my husband to get ourselves out on our own because most people aren't entitled to anything, and then there's medical insurance on top of that.

I'm sorry you had a horrible experience with the NHS; personally, I've had family members that were saved using the NHS and had excellent treatment. You say the US is better in that "at least you can choose who to go to if you can pay" but that's the key point. IF you can pay. Unless I'm mistaken, you're not paid back your health insurance payments either and not everyone gets back the health care they put money into. We're both healthy adults with no medical problems but for security reasons, are looking at having to pay something like 25% of our paycheck towards it. God forbid we should get pregnant, because then we'd be up the creek without a paddle - none of this safety net that the UK offers such as maternity grant, lowered living costs, child benefits, and assistance in finding a house (i.e. skipping the line of working couples).

There are things that aren't perfect in the US, but I chose to go through this because I chose to marry an American and attempt to live in his country. I accept that there are differences in health care (as much as I dislike them) and that we're looking at more financial scrutiny because we chose to live here, and I think you'll find many people to agree that the US immigration process is much more difficult than the UK one. You are actually very lucky to be a UK citizen and have chosen to marry a foreigner, which is a right - but bringing them to the UK is a privilege.

Gemmie

Female

United Kingdom

2010-02-23 12:00:00