ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North AfricaHe's driving me crazy
I'm not trying to judge you by asking this, but what did you expect when you brought him here? Has he ever been to the US before? If it's a culture that he doesn't understand yet, then it's natural for him to have many questions about anything and everything, from gas prices, to the area, to when he'll be able to do things for himself.

I understand you have your own things going on with work, finances, and your daughter, but you knew all of this when you petitioned for him to move over..? It's a big transition for him, and both of you need patience and communication to get through it. I imagine if you moved to Iran, you would be wondering many things yourself, including about your independence.

It takes a while to get over the fear and adjustments that come with making phonecalls and finding out information. English is my first language but I have a British accent, and even I hate speaking on the phone to American companies. It's amazing how a different accent throws them off. Try to have some patience. He's only been here for a month.

Good luck.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-11-14 14:29:00
Middle East and North Africahow do you deal with death - when it seems so unfair
Both parents in a few months, that must have been really hard for you.

I don't hold too much anger about it, really.. I went for counselling for a long time and I remember her being shocked at his behaviour, and me telling her that I wasn't angry because I understood how hard it must be suddenly losing your spouse. It's easy for me to say that he was being selfish and I do think that he was, but I know that if anything happened to my fiance, I would completely lose it, it's my worst nightmare (I have no children). I'm just thankful that my father and I managed to come out the other end, we talk every week so it hasn't hurt our relationship.

Edited by Gemmie, 22 November 2008 - 12:39 PM.

GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-11-22 12:39:00
Middle East and North Africahow do you deal with death - when it seems so unfair
A few years ago, I lost my mother (I was 16) and it was an unnatural death.

My father went through a horrible period of time grieving for her, and never seemed to really care what we felt as the children. It was always him crying, him saying that he didn't see a point in living anymore, him not caring about life... he was forced to go and get a new job to support everything because he lost the welfare that my mother brought in. I never realised at the time that he was being incredibly selfish to not think of us.. he even told me that my whole life had been ruined by what had happened, even when I tried to grieve and stay positive.

Anyways, the only thing that helped him was practical help, as someone mentioned. It never helped him emotionally, but he was in such a state of shock that he couldn't listen to any information that people were telling him, and he lost all concentration and memory too. He had friends come over to do the grocery shopping for instance, another to go and arrange the funeral with him, another to sort out the financial effects... he said that looking back, he never would have been able to do anything without that practical help, not only because he didn't care at the time, but because he couldn't take everything in.

That was five years ago, and he has moved on a lot. He still grieves for her, but it's different.

I hope you and especially your friend finds peace.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-11-22 08:45:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhat Normal Is Now
I sent it to my old friend who lost her twin daughters last year. She has another baby now, a little boy, but is still so very torn apart over losing her daughters.

She hates when people are afraid to bring them up, she likes it when people acknowledge that they existed. smile.gif

Edited by Gemmie, 08 December 2008 - 06:52 AM.

GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-12-08 06:52:00
Middle East and North AfricaHow Muslims are treated in the USA
I'm sorry you've had troubles with that judge, it was very unprofessional.

However, nothing in your post says anything about his reasonings so it's impossible to say it's because he dislikes Muslims. In fact, it's quite a ridiculous thing to say.. I can understand you being frustrated but what frustrates other people is when people of certain groups pull out the race or religion card whenever the slightest piece of trouble rolls around. We've had problems too, everyone does.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2009-01-11 13:25:00
Middle East and North AfricaWhat is the stupidest thing you have heard because your with a MENA SO ?
It's nice to hear all of the amusing lines you've heard over the years.

The ones with Brits get some too, don't feel alone. smile.gif
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2009-01-08 08:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaI lost my husband today
I have nothing to say that can take the pain away... it's another process that you have to go through but WILL come out the other end. God bless you.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-08-08 17:56:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresSending Money to your Wife / husband.
My fiancee's mother just sent me some money, actually.

I am completely broke. I just got back to the UK after visiting him, to work... well the money I'm making isn't enough to cover all the rent I need to pay PLUS sending the I-129F. So she sent me some money through Western union to cover food and travel for the next week, because as she said I'm family. smile.gif

Plus it was sent by my fiancee officially, so we have a receipt with our names on it for evidence!
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-08-02 05:15:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresAre they going to let me marry my Taiwanese girlfriend?
QUOTE
My first question is this: do I absolutely have to return to the US to file with USCIS? Is it at all possible for my parents to file for me, explaining that I'm a student in Taiwan?


I'm pretty sure that you have to be in the US at the time of filing. There are a lot of documents needed, plus you will need to sign forms and such.Your parents can't do that for you.

QUOTE
Finally, if that doesn't work, what would happen if she got a student or work visa before heading back to the US and we got married during the time that she's there?


This is considered fraud as you both intended to get married before she came to the US; you see, she's claiming to come over as a student but in reality, she would be a fiancee and being married, that's the fraud part.

I would say it would be best to return to the US for school and apply for the K1 visa. She can still come and visit you during the process if she has evidence of ties to her country. It does mean seperation and time, but it's the same boat as all of us.

Someone might know another way on here, though.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-30 05:56:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedureswhats vsc been doing ?
I'm in line for a K1 but it's the same there too at VSC... sad.gif

They've been taking double the time to cash cheques and the wait for approval is increasing, whereas CSC is decreasing.

I hope it's just because it's summer.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-08-15 05:58:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresfor those who have reached rock hard bottom
I'm sorry to see you've been waiting since the end of February.

I really really hope you get your approval soon.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-08-16 15:10:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresSo I think I've screwed up...
QUOTE (ocelittle @ Aug 28 2008, 12:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the replies everyone.

How long are the visits that you're able to have? I've been building for this all year so I don't really need more time for belongings and whatnot. It would really be a slow, long wait, considering we've been waiting for this for the last 8 months.

This is a very bad day. I'm actually debating whether or not I should move back to Canada. This job isn't worth the stress that more long distance will put on us.


I know, most of us were ignorant to the situation and all that it required. I think it's because we hear so much of international marriage and the amount of people emigrating that we assume it's easy enough. I found out while I had many deadlines at university so along with finding out how long the process was, it felt like my world had crashed. sad.gif

I understand how disappointed you must be. We've been together for years. We got engaged a year ago and had been waiting to file ever since due to circumstances. We have just sent our application off, but I won't be moving to be with him for another year. crying.gif It is what it is, unfortunately. I've come to accept it, and you will too. It's just at the beginning that it's overwhelming and confusing.

Personally, I would go ahead with the wedding and file for the spousal visa. You're lucky that she's from Canada so it's not as difficult to visit as it is for other posters here. For example, Kim's fiancee lives in New Zealand and it's way too far and expensive. I live in the UK which isn't *as* far, though it's not like driving across the ocean for a quick visit.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Congratulations on finding the woman you love!
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-08-28 06:23:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI am depressed
I agree with Boorai, you just have to tell yourself there is an end to the process.

I've been feeling the same thing lately, that I'm tired of waiting; not just the process as it's only been a few months. But waiting to meet each other for the first time, waiting for him to find a job, waiting for when we are able to apply, waiting for the next time I can see him, waiting for this process... waiting another year until I can move. It all needs so much patience and seeing everyone around me just *have* what they do without having to wait and being so happy makes it more difficult. I just tell myself that every week that passes is a strike off the calender and in the end, there won't be any more waiting.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-10-29 10:54:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhen people think you're DIVORCING...
Heh, I was 16 when I met my fiance, so as you can imagine, I had endless comments about it. When I was 18, I was open about our relationship and going out there to visit him, etc... my best friend at the time, her mother, used to make comments about my "imaginary boyfriend"... and others would ask if I'm still talking to "that internet boyfriend", and smirk. I always kept my cool, and stayed calm while they asked me how I knew he wasn't a pervert, how I knew he wasn't cheating on me... my brother even said that "you're not going to be together permanently..."

I'm almost 22 now and we've survived more than they can ever understand. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. We're lucky to have been able to visit each other often, but walking away and not knowing the next time we'll be holding each other has been heartbreaking. I know that none of my friends could handle that, and have seen/heard it for myself. Going through this process at a young age is extremely difficult, luckily we have no children.

I even made it so that my extended family could meet him this year, and one of them (who often made little comments about how it's "just a phase" and we're "not that serious") wrote to me a week later saying how she thinks he's great, and wishing us the best.

I only wish I could go and speak with my ex-best friend's mother and say "look at us now!" We're still together, we're getting married, and I'm giving up everything to have a life with him, while you continue to struggle staying together with your partner for more than a month at a time.

smile.gif That felt good.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-11-08 13:37:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresWhen people think you're DIVORCING...
Well obviously we're not married yet but I do get the "you won't last..." looks and comments, or the "are you still with that guy in America?" Of course I am, I'm still moving too!!
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-10-30 17:44:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresI'm having a hard time
Hang in there.. we've been apart for nearly 6 years now from when I was aged 16-22.. that's a tough age and time to deal with everything.

We get through it with regular visits, talk on the phone every day and focus on the future. It also helps to break time up into sections, not so overwhelming.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-11-22 08:48:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresIs K3 the right choice for me...?
QUOTE (Ling Ling @ Dec 2 2008, 09:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Welcome aboard trablus.

You're perfectly legal in using the VWP (visa waiver program) to spend up to 6 months in the US.
The problem with adjusting status in the US (rather than waiting for your I-130 or I-129f petition to be approved)
is that you put yourself in danger of being accused of fraud.
If you enter the US on VWP with the "INTENT" to immigrate, then you have committed fraud.
If you enter the US on VWP with the "INTENT" to return to Canada...but later change your mind....it's legal.
The big problem is proving the "INTENT". If you are found guilty of immigration fraud, you could be banned from 10 years to life.
Most people don't want to risk such a heavy possible penalty.

Your spouse can begin the I-130 petition process at anytime. The sooner the better.

Good Luck.


Firstly, Canada is not on the VWP, and secondly, why are you talking about visa fraud and intentions?

The OP asked if it's alright to stay in the US on a 6 month visit, and re-enter as a visitor while her paperwork is being processed.

I don't know too much about spousal visas but as far as I know, you can try and stay in the US as long as you're prepared to be denied entry and don't overstay. Then again, don't take my word on that.

Edited by Gemmie, 02 December 2008 - 07:24 AM.

GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-12-02 07:21:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & ProceduresAm i allowed to go to the USA to visit my husband??
QUOTE (DeeBee @ Jan 12 2009, 12:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Princess In Love @ Jan 12 2009, 05:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
the repliers are really confusing unsure.gif still didn't get a clear answer

Sorry, the simple answer is no, you cannot visit your fiance while your application is pending. Be it justified or not, visiting the U.S. on a non-immigrant visa while an immigrant visa is pending is not allowed. Doing so would force the immigration officer to assume you are going to say "screw it" and stay there.

Separation is the worst part of the application process, but we've all been through it (or are going through it). Convince your fiance to visit you instead smile.gif


Actually that's not true.. you ARE allowed to visit while your application is pending (and there are spouses that do), BUT you will need a tourist visa to do so and it will be very hard trying to get one now that you've shown immigrant intent. Not many people are lucky enough to get a tourist visa.. you can try if you like though, you need to provide evidence of ties to your country but understand that it is unlikely that they will grant it.

Is it possible for your husband to visit you there?
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2009-01-12 07:07:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Proceduresquestion for couples...
I have so much respect for you all, your stories make me so sad. I hope you're all reunited ASAP! :luv:
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2010-06-30 14:57:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresHELP! Should I put my student jobs on my G-325A?
We're in a similar situation and I included my summer jobs. It's just waitressing and kitchen work but it still counts.

They show that you've been working around your studies which might prove useful in the future. smile.gif
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-01 15:54:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Proceduresfiancé visiting me during the K1 visa application being processed?
I've visited my US fiancee a few times and been completely honest with the officers. I just stayed calmed and polite, answered all questions. I also brought a letter from my university stating that I was enrolled for another year and had a copy of my flight itinerary but they;ve never asked to see it. It's never taken more than two minutes.

Edited by Gemmie, 03 July 2008 - 08:05 PM.

GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-03 20:05:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresVisa Waiver - I-129F?
Few questions regarding the I-129F form, on question 12 "If your fiance is currently in the US, complete the following"...

- I'm from the UK and entered the US on a Visa Waiver, rather than a B2 visa; should we still put myself as a "visitor" or is there another term preferred for entering via waiver?

- It asks for Arrival/Departure Number from a I-94, but the waiver in my passport is a I-94W; there is a 9 digit departure number on the I-94W with 2 other digits to the side. Putting all of these together completes the spaces on the I-129F, but the 2 digits don't seem to be part of the departure number on the waiver form. Do we just use the original 9 digits or include the other 2 as well?

- Where it asks for the date specified on the I-94 or I-95, there is no date on my I-94W, so should we just count out 90 days from US entry?
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-08 15:29:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresG-325A - Residency
Sorry, more questions to make sure everything is fine to send off.

On the G-325A, it asks me to list residence from the past five years. I've done that and put all the correct dates in.

However, the next question asks my "last address outside of the US of more than one year"; I've been at my current address for a year now and my contract is signed for another year. Do I list this address or the previous one that I lived in for more than a year?

Reason I ask is because there is space for month and year but if you have been at your current address for more than a year, what are you supposed to put into the "to" box?
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-08 15:48:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Proceduresneed some advice
To the OP: is he ABLE to support you in the US, even if he chooses to go to school?
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-09 20:14:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresSucessfully visited the US while my K1 Visa is pending
QUOTE
I've got to disagree with you. If you can afford the ticket and return ticket if need be, why not try? It's just money. To some people, its not worth the risk and to others it is. This isn't going to hurt your chances of getting a K1 if you get turned away or denied a tourist visa. All you have to lose is $$


I've got to disagree here. It's not just about the money you're losing paying for a return flight, it's the emotional consequences. It would hurt me so much if I had booked a trip, paid the money (that I barely have), travel 13 hours and then be told I'm not allowed into the next room where I know my guy is waiting.

Luckily I've had no problems entering, but I would never risk it. Always bring something.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-08 14:37:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresProof of a Realtionship
Echoing what KimandRuss said.... we didn't submit any evidence of ongoing relationship with our petition, just that we met in the past two years.

At the interview, I'll take a book made with printed pictures etc
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-12 10:44:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresThe full story
Why did you need a visa if you're from the UK? Or did you stay there for an extended period? Sorry if I've misread/not understood.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-13 09:49:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & Proceduresno credit history and lots of weird circumstances
He doesn't technically "need" the job until your interview at the embassy where you need to show the evidence that he can support you. My fiancee is a freelance worker right now but we're still going to apply and he'll get a full-time job shortly after.

However, if he plans on returning to the US, he'll need a job to support himself throughout the many months waiting time. Plus the process isn't cheap.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-16 08:41:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresRFE on 129f Part C. question 1,2,3
QUOTE (~Laura and Nick~ @ Jul 17 2008, 02:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Gemmie @ Jul 16 2008, 09:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Part C (questions 2 and 3) is about criminal convictions. How are you supposed to answer if you have none since it's just check boxes?

We left it blank and don't want a RFE...


You will most likey get an RFE.
Question 2 specifically states:

Have you ever been convicted by a court of law (civil or criminal) or court martialed by a military tribunal for any of the following crimes:

*gives list of crimes here*

Then it has a box that you check either YES or NO.

For no criminal convictions you would have checked NO. Be prepared for an RFE.

Good luck.


We haven't sent the application yet as we're waiting on pay-day. It's all ready though. smile.gif

And it seems OK as we did check "No" for that question. I thought someone had said that they recieved a RFE for claiming "Not in military service" as well as not answering question 3 (which is about previous convictions)

No worries!
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-17 21:22:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresRFE on 129f Part C. question 1,2,3
Part C (questions 2 and 3) is about criminal convictions. How are you supposed to answer if you have none since it's just check boxes?

We left it blank and don't want a RFE...
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-16 20:01:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresCan my Fiance come to US while waiting for 129F?
I'm not sure how common it is, though I've heard that as long as you have evidence of ties to your country and can prove your intentions to return, it will go fine.

I've travelled twice to the US to visit my fiancee and although we hadn't applied for the K1 at the time, they never even asked if I had applied for a visa. The first time, I was asked when we planned on getting married to which I replied not for another 2 years (which it was at the time) because I had to finish school. The second time, he just asked if my fiancee was a US citizen and I said yes; no problems whatsoever and I stayed for 6 weeks. However, I did bring along a return ticket and a copy of my registration status from my university showing that I was enrolled for another year.

As long as your fiancee has something in documentation form and is honest, Christmas should be fine.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-23 20:00:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresI made A MISTAKE!?
QUOTE (ZeeNusah @ Jun 19 2008, 04:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (maztec @ Jun 19 2008, 05:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ethiopia? Good luck. They have this response because over 95% of the petitions that go through Ethiopia are scams. They are predisposed to denying them. It takes serious evidence with ZERO mistakes to get a fiancee visa through Ethiopia. Your best bet is to email consaddis@state.gov AND call 251-11-1242424 Mon-Thu 1:00pm to 5:00pm then give a shot at consacs@state.gov . . . and explain what has happened. Tell them that you were a moron, using a website rather than an attorney to help you, you made errors on the forms, and request them to make the changes. Inform them that if it is necessary for you to visit Ethiopia, you can, but it will take you X months to be able to go there because of work.

Frankly, I would just tell them, "Fine! I will do a telephonic Nikkah (marriage) and then visit her before her interview to consummate the marriage!" And do just that - and attend the interview with her.

--errrr <RANT>----
If you want to be crude, you could always drag in the sheets of your marital bed [with appropriate allocation of food dye] and say, "See! These sheets are proof of our marriage!"

Have a friend that worked for the Consulate in Ethiopia up until a year ago. She had a man and woman come in and do that - after they had done a tentative denial. They set up a new appointment, came in, the guy was fuming mad, showed the "sheets" and asked the Consulate, "What do you need to see?!? Nude photographs of us copulating? Should we strip now and have sex to prove we love each other? You are sick! But we will do it if you will approve it!" Apparently, after holding in the laughter and fear, the Consulate approved it.

But what can I say? That really is not good advice... Stick with what there is before the crudeness and you might have a chance to fix it. If they seem sincere in that if you visit they will grant it - then go. But, honestly, I would contact my Senator first and throw an unholy fit, informing him/her that the Consulate is causing you additional cost, stress, etc and forcing you to go to Ethiopia against your will . . . when they should be able to approve your fiancee - WHO THEN HAS NINETY DAYS to marry you and PROVE that the relationship is REAL and FILE for an adjustment and PROVE AGAIN that it is real and then FILE AGAIN for removal of conditions and PROVE AGAIN that it is real. Yes, you have to prove your relationship is real at least six times before it is real enough for the government (initial CIS application, NVC documentation, Consulate, marriage/U.S. entry immigration, adjustment petition, adjustment interview, condition removal petition, condition removal interview) . . . what a pain in the ###.

The system is broke! Demand that your Senator work on fixing it.

Oh, and good luck.. Ethiopia's Consulate is one of the worst U.S. Consulates in the world - they have been cited for human rights abuses repeatedly, but never convicted. Rampant abuse by officers insisting on being bribed by sexual or monetary favors in order to approve a petition are excessively common in Ethiopia.... which makes it all the worse.

--- </RANT> ---


How do you know that 95% of the cases that go through Ethiopia are scams? There are VJ members who have gone through Ethiopia and other high fraud countries, without a lawyer, with no problems. It seems to be one of the more friendly consulates in Africa (try dealing with Ghana or Nigeria wink.gif )

I don't know what country you are going through but it sounds to me that you have issues with the Ethiopian embassy for whatever reason. I suggest you take it up with them instead of painting an inaccurate picture of doom and gloom for the OP.

To the OP: What you posted was her appointment letter, not the letter she got after the interview. First, you need to find out what paper was given to her at the interview and what it said because that will determine your course of action and you need to do this ASAP.


I think this poster meant that they've heard that Ethiopia is difficult to be approved from because THEIR (the consulate) impression is that people are trying to use scams to get into the US. Not that they personally think that it's true.

Also, I fail to see how the example forms on VJ were at fault. They're not only there as an example, but you need to check everything is correct multiple times before it's sent out. Just be careful and contact the consulate, find out what you have to do if it is indeed a denial.

Good luck.

Edited by Gemmie, 24 July 2008 - 05:50 AM.

GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-24 05:50:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresJust got back from the US
QUOTE (wifetobe @ Jul 24 2008, 12:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Gemmie @ Jul 22 2008, 06:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Feel free to move this if it's in the wrong place.

I just got back from MA where I spent a wonderful 6 weeks with my fiancee and now that I'm back in the UK, I feel so empty. We've assembled the I-129 package and it's ready to go as soon as we have the money in the bank. He hasn't been paid for a while as his boss has been having issues with finances and it feels so frustrating having the package sit on the desk for over a month.

Problem is, I just feel so alone and empty now... everything I look at is making me upset. His clothes for obvious reasons, the clothes I wore while I was over there, thinking of how this time yesterday I was with him... even an old coffee cup that I left on the table just before I left to go visit him. Hearing his voice is making me just want to cuddle into him and cry.

I do try and talk to people about it but they seem to think that I should be used to this by now because I've had to leave him so many times (this is the 9th time we've seen each other over the past few years) but it actually feels the opposite, like the more times I have to do it, the harder it gets. That, or they tell me that I should focus on the happy memories we had rather than just feel sad that I'm no longer with him. But that's rational and love is not. Life felt so content waking up with him and finally getting time together after waiting, like we really deserved it... and having it taken away all over again makes me feel depressed. I don't feel like taking care of myself physically and can't even face unpacking right now. I was told lately that I need to toughen up a bit and this made me feel worse because I feel that I've tried to be strong about it for so long, and it takes so much power to walk away.

I was wondering if anyone has suggestions; what do people do when they feel this way?

I know it's best to keep busy and I start a new job this week (which is why I came back, to get some money) but that seems like such a huge hurdle because it's a physically tiring job and I feel so down. Hopefully I'll be able to go back to the US in 5-7 weeks but then the cycle starts again. sad.gif


I feel your pain, your emptiness and your lonliness when you have to depart and believe you me I understand that it gets much much WORSE everytime you have to leave him. You'll have to look after yourself physically and mentally as this process isn't designed for the faint hearted I'll tell you that now... If you guys haven't sent off the petition yet because of finances, instead of making yourself feel worse by going again in 5-7 weeks and facing the fact you'll have to depart again, spend the flight money on the K1 fee, that should be a start to your future. good.gif


Oh the fees come first, no doubt.

I'll have the money in 2 weeks so if he doesn't, I'll gladly send the money over.

I might still be able to go and visit as Virgin Atlantic granted me with a free round-trip with an 18 month expiry date (thank God for the overbooked flight!) smile.gif
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-24 10:24:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresJust got back from the US
Thank you so much.

I agree that my number one peeve is when people offer "helpful" advice about how I should be used to it by now or that I need to let it go. I do understand their meaning and intention but it doesn't always work out that way, you know? If it did, no one in the world would get depression or any negative emotion! You just have to accept that they're there, process them and try to move through it.

I'm going to try the appreciation route you just pointed out. I'm lucky enough to talk to my fiancee everyday on the phone and online, and I'm also lucky enough to be granted with a lot of free time as I'm in school. That gives me weeks/months of vacation time that I wouldn't get if I worked full-time so that I can go over and visit, financial consequences aside. And of course I'm lucky that I have someone who has believed in our future SO much from the moment he said he loved me all those years ago. That has never changed, despite everything.

I'm also trying the "chunk" idea... hopefully the money will be available by the end of the month to send the packet off. Then it's being processed and we can concentrate on how time will pass quickly before the NOA2 date.

He's also reminded me that as much as this hurts, the leaving him... only 2 or 3 more times and then he'll be right by my side on the flight afterwards when he comes to get me. smile.gif That is the most comforting thought. He asks if I can be strong and hold on for that little bit longer while we get paperwork processed and I finish education. And I think we all deserve a medal for that strength and patience.

Edited by Gemmie, 23 July 2008 - 07:55 PM.

GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-23 19:54:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresJust got back from the US
QUOTE (Damian P @ Jul 23 2008, 12:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Sherri and Matt @ Jul 23 2008, 06:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Our routine gets us through. Our long distance daily routine is actually the one we call "normal"...........


Nail on head. Me and 'er indoors have been long-distance for 7 years now; it's all we really know. I'm guessing you and your bloke are quite new as a couple? All that weeping and wailing ####### stops after about 18 months, and by 3 years you'll only be talking at the weekends! laughing.gif


Ooooh no, we've been at this for about 5 and a half years now, having the long distant communication.

The first time we met in person (nearly 3 years ago), it wasn't as upsetting as it was only for a few days and I left feeling happy. Every time we see each other though, the amount of time together gets longer and the amount of sadness gets deeper. It obviously depends on the person but for me, it doesn't get any easier. It gets harder as time goes on because the longer I spent with him in person, the more content and comfortable I feel with our life together.

Thanks for the replies though, guys and girls. Reading posts from people who feel or have felt a similar thing helps a lot, especially when I can see that they got through it and are together (or close to being together) now.

PS - KissandRuss, we're the same. We talk every single day for hours. We haven't lived together for more than six weeks though, I can see how difficult it must be for you. Congratulations on getting through this part of your journey though, it's quite an inspiration. smile.gif
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-23 08:40:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresJust got back from the US
Thanks for the replies.

I fully accept that I'm not the only one, that's why I come to VJ forums because people here share the experience. We're already both prepared for the long wait too as we've known about the details of the process for a while and I also have another year at university. I've given myself a year to get my visa in hand, assuming there are no huge problems. I don't have a huge issue with that part as it's the final stretch before I won't have to leave again. It's pretty much the immediate feelings that I deal with when I just get back from a visit.

The reason I needed to come back and work is because I'm stuck for cash myself right now. (Paying for my visit plus my place back in the UK while I'm away on student loans) Otherwise I would gladly pay for the fees. He has a shot at getting paid fairly quickly though and also is waiting on a new job that pays a lot more.

Thanks for the promising words though, I'm sure we will look back in a year and know that it was all worth it. I've heard that the wait doesn't even seem that bad in hindsight, when you're out of the situation.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-22 13:28:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresJust got back from the US
Feel free to move this if it's in the wrong place.

I just got back from MA where I spent a wonderful 6 weeks with my fiancee and now that I'm back in the UK, I feel so empty. We've assembled the I-129 package and it's ready to go as soon as we have the money in the bank. He hasn't been paid for a while as his boss has been having issues with finances and it feels so frustrating having the package sit on the desk for over a month.

Problem is, I just feel so alone and empty now... everything I look at is making me upset. His clothes for obvious reasons, the clothes I wore while I was over there, thinking of how this time yesterday I was with him... even an old coffee cup that I left on the table just before I left to go visit him. Hearing his voice is making me just want to cuddle into him and cry.

I do try and talk to people about it but they seem to think that I should be used to this by now because I've had to leave him so many times (this is the 9th time we've seen each other over the past few years) but it actually feels the opposite, like the more times I have to do it, the harder it gets. That, or they tell me that I should focus on the happy memories we had rather than just feel sad that I'm no longer with him. But that's rational and love is not. Life felt so content waking up with him and finally getting time together after waiting, like we really deserved it... and having it taken away all over again makes me feel depressed. I don't feel like taking care of myself physically and can't even face unpacking right now. I was told lately that I need to toughen up a bit and this made me feel worse because I feel that I've tried to be strong about it for so long, and it takes so much power to walk away.

I was wondering if anyone has suggestions; what do people do when they feel this way?

I know it's best to keep busy and I start a new job this week (which is why I came back, to get some money) but that seems like such a huge hurdle because it's a physically tiring job and I feel so down. Hopefully I'll be able to go back to the US in 5-7 weeks but then the cycle starts again. sad.gif
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-22 12:49:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresQuestion about relationship
One major thing to point out:

QUOTE (dgk3188 @ Jul 24 2008, 10:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
since the biggest thing with doing the I-129f seems to be to prove that it's a legit relationship.


This part of the process (filing the I-129F petition) isn't to prove you have a relationship, it's to prove that you 1) intend to marry each other within 90 days of entry and 2) have met at least once within the past 2 years.

smile.gif
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-24 16:27:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresBeing Proactive
Yes, it's normal. If you've just submitted the petition, it can take anywhere from 2-10 months to recieve your NOA2, though you can check the approximate processing time at your service centre. I've given myself a year to allow for the entire process.

You won't need to prepare Packet 3 until you receive your NOA2, and I'm pretty sure the criminal record expires in a few months so you need to be careful about when your fiance gets it. Same with the medical; this doesn't come until a lot later in the process, just before the interview.

Someone might need to confirm that though as I haven't gotten that far yet.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-06 08:14:00
K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Process & ProceduresUnique request?
They are giving you an option.

As stated above, she can get a visitor visa to stay with you in the US for a short period; you can get married in Ukraine and then use a spouse visa for her to live with you in the US; she can get a work visa for the US; or you can get a fiance visa for the US. They're not really giving her an option to stay with you long-term as a "girlfriend" but that's the joy of family-based immigration.

When I first started out on this journey, I wasn't certain that I wanted to get married because I was only 16 at the time. I waited for years until I knew that I wanted to be with my fiancee so much that I would give our future the chance, so we decided to apply.

DO NOT apply for the K1 if you have no intentions of being married. That is considered fraud.

Also, she cannot marry you while in the US as a visitor if you two decide you DO want to get married either. That is also fraud as you have the intention beforehand.

Good luck.
GemmieFemaleUnited Kingdom2008-07-24 05:40:00