ForumTitleContentMemberSexCountryDate/Time
Middle East and North Africagreen card marriages, ladies beware
QUOTE (Pattu Rani @ Jan 18 2009, 04:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (ErikaAndHamit @ Jan 18 2009, 06:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
depression and crying....done this one and he tried to run, but when I told him how bad a day I was having he stayed till I felt better...Oh you better believe I tried the whole depression and see how much he cares test....what i want to know is there anything else I need to know?


LOL me too... And my husband is super shy, quiet, no drama and his family is soft-spoken like him... yet one time I was really depressed and crying my eyes out because I was afraid he would leave me once his situation was solid here... it did not scare him away... neither did sitting in a hotel room with my 250-lb 'brother'/roommate having him tell 5'3", 127lb. Govi that he would skin him alive if he did the GC dash....guess he passed the tests, lol



That is so funny...poor guy

Anyhow, this thread got started because someone who was in pain meant well...but this sure created more anxiety for myself and others.....yet I still don't know why. I now they will find peace and a better man later down the road if they are smart and don't repeat the past. Men whether you meet them here or there still come with problems add cultural differences though and it becomes tougher. I already let my love know commitment to problem solving through discussion is of utmost importance and he agrees although at first he tried to run away as most men do. However, he has found that if he has a concern I too wil listen unitl it is solved. What a dmaned concept....I couldn't get half as far with American counterparts previously. I wonder if communication is big in Islam? Nah...I think it is his agreeableness...lol
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-01-18 19:10:00
Middle East and North Africagreen card marriages, ladies beware
OK heres one concern I thought of:

Him marrying me so he can support his mother back home since Turkish economy sucks as does unemployment. His mother is a sweetheart and I WANT to support her, but sometimes he reminds me so much of his plan to send back some money home that it makes me wonder....although I think I am the one who mentioned doing this first, the giver I am. His brother is a cheapskate and wants my Hamit to be the one to look after his parents even though he himself makes over 100,000 yearly and opposed our relationship until maybe 4-6 months ago!!!!
Also, he wasn't a virgin (mommy and most family don't know) so by him marrying a non-virgin when his family thinks he is and I have 3 children to boot and he is 27 and I am 34...in Islam probably not kosher...lol pardon my opposing pun. But anyhow, I converted after meeting him, but because I had no idea about Islam until I would poke fun of Hamit and learned the real truth and loved what I found....he actually told me not to convert for him...AS IF!!! I am independent and think for myself thank you.....lol anyhow after this conversion, most of his family approved and I was like #######....I really had no clue about everything Muslim back in the day....ok anyway....chime in
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-01-18 18:41:00
Middle East and North Africagreen card marriages, ladies beware
QUOTE (star_dragon @ Jan 18 2009, 03:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (childress_london @ Jan 18 2009, 04:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree that Wendy should have told her story, otherwise she is helping nobody. Of course the majority of us are going to think that ours is the real thing. If we didn't, would we be going through this nightmare??? Erica's man sounds pretty true to me, but I have heard that if the family thinks it is in the son's best interest to go to the U.S., they will play along with the scam. So don't think that just because his family knows about you and meets you that all is OK. All any of us can do is hope for the best. I agree that any man that doesn't want to spend time communicating with you (online, email, phone, whatever) is a red flag in ANY relationship. Anyone read "He's Just Not That Into You"? At least one positive thing I have with my man is that he is very, very clingy and always wants to be in touch with me constantly. He goes crazy if we are not. It has been this way almost since the day we met online, and that was over a year ago now. So that's pretty consistent behavior (and one that I enjoy!).


That's a fabulous book, btw.....all of his books are! good.gif


I mean for example we were in Istanbul (his family mostly lives in a small city complete opposite Istanbul) (it was my idea to meet in Istanbul and thereafter as his city is way conservative...no hand holding etc) and his family in Istanbul wanted to check me out so they could tell his mother if I was going to be a good wife for him or not...his family actually told him to bring me over...we didn't want to go....then his mother was in Istanbul for cancer treatment the last time I seen him and was flying back the day before because her treatments were finished and missed meeting her, but his closest brother was still in town for another day and took a bus 1 hour just to come check me out too...during Ramazan no less...in the heat when we were all starving and thirsty...I mean I really want to know if i am wrong in any way. I am pretty saavy when it comes to these things. If I am in any way naiive about Islam men-I wan't to know. I already grilled him on polygamy thanks to naysayers... I would love another chance to grill my poor Hamit....BUT ONLY for good reason......just send it my way.

I feel bad for the other woman as I have been through heartache and know how it feels, but with an American fiancee 2 years before Hamit and I left him because I didn't want to settle. But in the beginning (as good as it was) I knew something didn't feel right, but what sucked is I didn't know what until it was over. I don't feel that way with Hamit at all. I think red flags are ALWAYS there ladies...it's that feeling in your gut if even for a brief second...PAY ATTENTION to it and don't be afraid to ask your men straightforwardly. If they get angry and run...not good

ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-01-18 18:27:00
Middle East and North Africagreen card marriages, ladies beware
depression and crying....done this one and he tried to run, but when I told him how bad a day I was having he stayed till I felt better...Oh you better believe I tried the whole depression and see how much he cares test....what i want to know is there anything else I need to know?
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-01-18 18:14:00
Middle East and North Africagreen card marriages, ladies beware
I haven't seen anything weird yet and HE is the one who wants so chat online and NOT even skip a day...me on the other hand as much as I love him have learned to just keep the daily chats no matter how tired I am in order to keep him happy...because I love him dearly. He NEVER disappears...he has been completely trustworthy and has never once done anything that would make me wonder....so when I get on here and se vague little synopsis of a supposedly "wonderful, perfect marriage" gone bad awith these people telling me it can happen to anyone...my ears perk up...yet I am only confused because they tend to leave most of the story out.
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-01-18 18:11:00
Middle East and North Africagreen card marriages, ladies beware
I am quoting someone a few pages back because my quoter here on VJ never seems to work........ laughing.gif

QUOTE: "As for myself, I didn't choose a middle eastern man. I was minding my own business on an online game and we met. I wasn't in a chat room, skype, myspace, marriage site, etc looking for ANY man, it just happened. I won't become Muslims, as I wasn't when he met me and we discussed this and we accept each other for who we were when we met.
I read these stories and don't see any red flags as of yet, but that doesn't mean I won't get used. I would like to think i'm smart enough to catch something out of the ordinary. I think in my case only, I must read and be careful to not let what I read, ruin what might be the best thing ever in my life. At the same time, I need to keep a guard up as I would with any man in my life. As women, it doesn't hurt us to have a radar going when dealing with any male, no matter where he comes from.
With all these stories i've been reading, I wonder how the couples met.. was it in chat rooms, skype, dating sites, myspace, facebook, online games. I can tell you this, I don't know at the times someone would just call me on skype, that I didn't even know. Mohammed told me, never to answer them, as all know if a guy you don't know suddenly skypes you.. then he's up to no good. be that visa or cc fraud. lol"


Now for MY two sense:

I wasn't looking either and my SO stats so as well...he only wanted to "learn English" Go ahead ...laugh, but at least give me a damned good reason why you are laughing if so.
I have felt he was genuine early on and only more so now. He is truly a nice person with a great heart, but of course anything can happen. But why would HE want to have children so badly? Why would his family be against this initially (after several months they all approve) and he keep speaking to me? Why would he keep reiterating there are no woman like me in his city as they are all only gold-diggers and Allah sent me to him? Why would he and his family go out of their way to meet me (we met in a major city and not in his remote little city)? I am not in denial as I am always looking for ideas and/or clues that I can grill him about as I am a suspicious person by nature, but I only feel stupid afterward I give him the first degree caused by people saying similar things to me in real life who don't know anything about us (kinda like this thread on VJ meant for people like me and him) and end up angry at him when he hasn't done anything. Why do I see genuine love in his eyes and in all of his actions. He would do anything for me. Why did he try to hide he was bawling in the BR the night before (god, I hope he doesn't read this) I had to fly back to the US and he walks out like nothing happened? Why would the hotel owners tell me I have nothing to worry about because he is one truly sweet guy? I mean seriously I have so much positive instinctual feelings to go on and the only thing that causes me stress is the S**T I read here or what people tell me without knowing anything beforehand.

IF you truly want to warn us here, then please tell us the whole story...how you met, your feelings...any warning signs you didn't see...etc or you won't help anyone at all...you will only create stress and conflict.

FYI

The only thing that I and others like myself (i.e the ones this thread was started for) is to become even more confused. In my heart, I feel waht we have is real. Is there something I don't know about some kind of clever scam? I will never know. If you want to help us as you truly state and not confuse us more, then PLEASE tell your damned story first in DETAILS.


ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-01-18 14:43:00
Middle East and North AfricaMENA diet/exercise thread
Wow I just so happened to stumble upon this topic on the first day of my diet. How long has everyone here been dieting? I want to lose 50lbs. I gained it all last year when I was tressed out. Pisses me offfffffffffffff laughing.gif


QUOTE (ErikaAndHamit @ Jul 20 2008, 08:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wow I just so happened to stumble upon this topic on the first day of my diet. How long has everyone here been dieting? I want to lose 50lbs. I gained it all last year when I was tressed out. Pisses me offfffffffffffff laughing.gif

Wow "tressed out" laughing.gif good spelling Erika....lofl
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2008-07-20 10:39:00
Middle East and North AfricaConverting to Islam
Thanks so much for the willingness to want to help me by sending me cards (I will take you up on your offer gratefully) and sharing your opinion. I did not take it as an attack at all. It is the truth, only I am afraid, but I need to take that step and try.

Anyone else have any success stories? I would love to hear them!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-12-17 20:48:00
Middle East and North AfricaConverting to Islam
Yea, I wish there were more Mosques! We have only one and it is a bit more modern than most, but i am still too shy to go...my hubby tells me to go with him...but...cannot find the confidence to do so. Too bad I cannot have the best of both worlds (Islamic customs and living in the U.S)
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-12-16 21:33:00
Middle East and North AfricaConverting to Islam
Sorry this is quick and rambling....I was born Catholic, grew up Christian and finally I converted from being agnostic (if that is even something you can convert from) after meeting my Muslim husband and actually kinda argued with him about Islam initially(I was misinformed and he opened my eyes) at first and I was pleasantly surprised at what I found when looking up what he as I already lived my life much how the Quran advises us to do and felt I had found my "true religion" calling me. I was so excited and found a sense of peace with Islam...however fast forward to now...I now also have the sense that many Muslim men have controlled too much of Islam and have bent the rules of Islam to fit their needs/way of life (not unlike many religions) but, don't feel like I belong anywhere or can practice with other women here in America...I feel like such an outsider being a convert...if I were living in a Muslim country I would feel so much more comfortable, but that is not possible...so here I am...I read the Quran occasionally, try to be a good person, but have not been able to go to the local mosque because most mosques are male dominated...I wouldn't even know what to do and am afraid of making a mistake in prayers....so I prefer to pray at home the way I learned when I was young and feel Allah/God won't judge me as he is loving...I know some people may attack me for doing it all wrong, but that is between me and Allah/God......my husband isn't very religious and neither am I, but we believe. I wish I were living in a MENA country with all the nice customs and even Hijab...but as it stands.....we live in the U.S so....
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2009-12-16 18:31:00
Middle East and North AfricaAnyone going to Casablanca/Rabat Sale in the next few months that has time to hang out?
Oh how exciting! I will be looking out for your posts!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-01-13 21:23:00
Middle East and North AfricaHappy Monday
I need to start posting in these MENA forums now that hubby has been here over a year! Have only posted once or twice, but forever stalking! Anyone have any advice as to how to find work for my poor hubby? The economy stinks! Anyhow, local mosque has not brought any new friends or oppurtunitties...nor have the English lessons...hmmm

Anyhow, guess I will introduce myself...name is Erika...the hubby is Hamit as my username indicates lol and he's from Turkey and we live in Arizona. Just had our 1st anniversary! Just hot today!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-04-05 23:23:00
Middle East and North AfricaIf I beat my brother in law until he's a decent person, will it effect my application?
I was just gonna say: JEALOUS!! GL!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-04-29 22:51:00
Middle East and North AfricaHey Its Saturday!
Heart issue or a TIA (mini stroke)...or just stress or too much caffeine, although that is pretty extreme for too much caffeine/stress. Meds maybe? Either way, your brain wasn't getting perfused due to either the heart not pumping correctly, or something in your brain blocking the circulation, albeit temporarily. I would get checked out! Not normal.
BTW I was only upset how everyone was treating Terrie and nothing else and no hard feelings to anyone-just was disgusted with the thread and most peoples' responses.
I seen your post just now and couldn't not say something...thought I would let you know to get checked out (I am an RN). Hope all is well.

Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 15 May 2010 - 08:08 AM.

ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-05-15 08:07:00
Middle East and North AfricaFor Morocco K1 filers who are considering staying with their SO's during the wait
Wow that sucks squeeky...how scary! Is it very difficult to get a residency card?
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-05-15 17:15:00
Middle East and North Africahave to complain
Good answer! That is a wonderful solution. Too bad you aren't the teacher lol
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-05-17 13:00:00
Middle East and North Africahave to complain
I think the child is definitely NOT confused and doesn't want to wear it and should not be forced by the school, her father, or the teacher to wear it nor should the school or teacher be forced to force the child to wear it either. Once she gets home it is a family matter, but in the end the girl will do what she wants to do and thank God as this is America where she actually will have a choice. That is one of the good things about living here. I understand religious belief and all that, but religion should also be a personal choice and not all Muslims wear hijab and that does not make any one better than the other for that matter.
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-05-04 11:08:00
Middle East and North AfricaNearly 2yrs later
OMG that is stupid!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-05-04 11:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaHappy Sunday Everyone
Well, I guess my ghost from a couple weeks ago has moved on to your houses! We also played some Quran verses from the internet and it went away! It was a very brave ghost and gave us many sleepless nights. Let me know how this ghost story goes. Wow.
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-06-28 00:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaIf you had known then what you know now??
QUOTE (Berber Mama @ Dec 27 2008, 09:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Write down your phone number and address to put in his wallet. I "lost" my husband on his first outing. Some guy came bringing him home after he had drove him all around town looking for familiar landmarks. tongue.gif



rofl.gif wow....I am afraid...hopefully mine won't get lost...how sad...but funny rofl.gif
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2008-12-28 00:28:00
Middle East and North Africaonline jobs
Yup gonna have to be really creative as far as working goes. Nobody called back from the volunteer center for my hubby either and we signed him up for several things! Must be competition there too :( Anyhow, college courses are going to be the solution for him. Maybe by the time he is done, he will have found work and if not-new college grads have a better chance of getting a job after graduation...in the meantime he's still looking.
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-07-12 20:23:00
Middle East and North Africaonline jobs
It definitely becomes an issue...something to talk about and plan for ahead of time and how he will deal with the possibility of not working for some time. Sigh....not too long ago when jobs were plentiful. I hope our men can work soon. I think mine has given in finally to being jobless...and is taking it in stride...not so at first. It's hard to be realistic when coming green from a country with high unemployment to another (and one that is supposed to be a "Land of opportunity"...the disappointment and such. Never was this bad...except maybe in the great depression lol! Just have hubby be prepared for the possibility of this.
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-07-12 01:34:00
Middle East and North Africaonline jobs
It's really difficult right now. My hubby has been here for a year and a half and....nothing. He got here as the economy was going downhill. The job market is just barely starting to come back up (like a snail crawling along the floor) lol. He is just going to take classes at the community college and be a house husband until he gets lucky. He also went through a depression because of this and only now has accepted the whole situation. Being realistic definitely helps matters right now. I just got a 2nd job after looking for about a year in the nursing field and I got that through networking, so I was lucky too. It's a rough market even for us nurses and that is definitely saying something about how sparse the economy/job market is.

I don't have any advice except to make job hunting, after he gets his EAD, his actual "job" and not to be overly optimistic as this will lead to letdown and depression. Let him know it may take quite some time to be employed and try and take classes or volunteer in the meantime and not give up looking and trying. Does he know anyone who can get him a job? My hubby's family "knows" people in Houston (only 20 hours away lol)who could give him a job in their restaurant, but that isn't something we can pursue of course. Good luck!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-07-12 00:16:00
Middle East and North Africanot fasting.... :(
Wow I have no idea why my post was posted in differing formats like 4 times...didn't mean to to that. VJ was having a brainfart at that time and I thought it didn't post at all....sorry!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-08-18 13:14:00
Middle East and North Africanot fasting.... :(
Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!

Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-08-16 03:09:00
Middle East and North Africanot fasting.... :(
Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-08-16 03:02:00
Middle East and North Africanot fasting.... :(
Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!
ErikaAndHamitFemaleTurkey2010-08-16 03:02:00
Middle East and North AfricaFirst day Home Alone!!!!
Wow, he did an awesome job, doing laudry in all that noice. :thumbs:

It's such a culture change and he will get used to it slowly.
He deserves a treat!!!! (F)
foxtobeeFemaleNetherlands2007-07-17 19:20:00
Middle East and North AfricaLong distance relationship jealousy
No jealousy at all.
We talked on the phone every day for at least 90 minutes ( cheap rate to call the US for me)
It of course helped a lot to have the time get by seperately.
foxtobeeFemaleNetherlands2007-07-09 13:05:00
Middle East and North AfricaKhallids 1 year anniversary in the U.S
Greatt!!!! rose.gif congratulations. many happy years to come. kicking.gif
foxtobeeFemaleNetherlands2007-08-18 12:12:00
Middle East and North AfricaI gotta say Thanks to you all

Well I am not her spokesperson so i really don't feel at liberty to say all too much on the board here. She is ok right now though. I'll let her tell the rest when she's able to. For now everyone is ok though. (F)



It's the first time I am posting,but I've been reading this threath. Dee, eventhough I don't know you, you and your kids have been in my prayers. I am praying for a safe resolution to this and for peace in your family.
foxtobeeFemaleNetherlands2007-08-16 19:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaHappy Monday
Happy new week to everyone. I hope that those who are stil waiting and waiting and waiting and..........>>> will receive some good news this week good.gif
foxtobeeFemaleNetherlands2007-08-27 12:33:00
Middle East and North AfricaHow old are you and your S/O ?
me 45, he 23..... I know it sounds terrible, but neither one of us looks it... I think?
Lucy N FerFemaleMexico2006-10-30 18:12:00
Middle East and North AfricaHappy Sunday
Ramadan Karim! :star:
libragodessFemaleMorocco2006-09-24 10:45:00
Middle East and North AfricaGood Luck Stacey & Zaeem (snz1802)
Congrats!!! Wonderful for you two.
libragodessFemaleMorocco2006-09-25 23:13:00
Middle East and North AfricaIs your Middle Eastern SO blunt?
I was thinking maybe instead of wondering if certain attributes are "excusable" because of "cultural" differences...you should be asking yourself "Do I really like being talked to in this way?" If not it needs to be addresed cause you and him are the only ones in your relationship.
libragodessFemaleMorocco2006-09-25 22:24:00
Middle East and North AfricaVISA IN HAND!!!!!!!!
:dance: Wooo Hoo Visa in Hand....Awesome for you two!!! :dance: :dance:
Ramadan Karim!
libragodessFemaleMorocco2006-09-24 10:40:00
Middle East and North AfricaSuccess!!!

:star: Congratulations !!! :star:


Farid and I are so happy for the both of you! Inshallah our husbands will be with us soon! Maybe they can even fly in on the same flight! ;)
libragodessFemaleMorocco2006-09-28 09:15:00
Middle East and North Africagod help us
Congratulations on your approval! :dance:
libragodessFemaleMorocco2006-10-01 15:01:00
Middle East and North AfricaThe details on the interview
Wow Patti, She really drilled him! How does she even know his answers are correct? Did you send her a profile before the interview?? LOL :lol: Farid and I both agree that the tattoo question crossed the line. In no way should she expect a man to talk about his WIFE's body in a room full of people! Praise God your husband sailed right through her questions and impressed her with his love and commitment to you. We're just so happy for you both!
libragodessFemaleMorocco2006-09-28 23:49:00