Forum	Title	Content	Member	Sex	Country	Date/Time
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	Reaffirmation of Approval for BOTH the I-129F and I-130...	Thank You for changing the font to normal! The thing about visa journey, is allusion is all well and good, but if you want definitive answers you need to state definitive facts. IF you would still like our help i how to deal with the interview, listing 1-5 of the reasons would be very helpful. Most of us use VJ as a pseudo-interview. You cannot allude in the interview, so let us help you here (if you want it). I do appreciate your candor and sincere help. But what I find most demoralizing is... like when I just explained the biggest reason (of the five) in the Visa denials the "HAS NOT BEEN BACK TO CHINA SINCE THE WEDDING," reason, even though I made a compelling case in my rebuttal, the line from pushbrk: You seem to be full of what a Consular officer is likely to see as "excuses" for not visiting your wife. Just how much time have you spent together, during how many visits? When was the last one? When will the next visit be? This really stung hard. Saving a family member is an excuse? Even this past few days, I have had serious family drama in helping my mom. Getting the medications in order, trips to the Doctor, I mean serious time and energy that has been emotionally draining. I just think it heartless (ice-water in the blood cold) to disregard ones parents AT THIS PERIOD WHEN MY HELP IS SO NEEDED. My efforts have made a huge difference. Again, I do stand by stance in another post: If you meet a multi-millionaire and you ask him how he acquired his riches and he says, "Well, I simply bought Bowflex stock in the mid-1990s when it was selling for 7 cents a share on the Toronto Exchange and I sold my stock when it peaked out at $45.00 a share (after several splits) on the New York Stock Exchange. Of course, this is a great story to hear but seriously, just how REALISTIC is it to just tell others to just DO THE SAME? Of course, I could have been a heartless person (not in my nature) and bail on my mom and go off to China to strengthen our case by being with my wife. I am going to be in Guangzhou this time around as I know it is important to be there for the Interview. My aunt in her 70s is willing to drive across Tucson and fill in for me (lately, I have been far more than AM caregiver) for maybe two-weeks at the most. But will a TWO-WEEK VISIT (given the obvious hardship) be the clincher? WILL TWO-WEEKS MAKE A DIFFERENCE? TIME IS LIKE MONEY. Two-weeks, two visits and two-hundred dollars to a man at the nadir of cash flow and who has no extra time is every bit as important and valuable TO HIM as TWO-YEARS, FIVE VISITS AND 200k to man who has unlimited time and money. My wife is from China where family is important and being elderly is not a bad and ugly thing. In fact, in China, being old actually holds some reverence. But I am going to China! I know I have to. OF COURSE I WANT TO SEE MY WIFE. We have waited so long! But it does seem so wrong to use my NOT BEING BACK TO CHINA (during this time I have been here being the ideal son helping mom through a very arduous time) as a big reason as to dub our relationship as non-bona fide. Anyway, I am making arrangements to be there. I do not know when the interview will be. But for someone to simply label me as "full of excuses" is so off-the-mark and so wrong (callous) on so many levels. Through all of this, my wife has stood by me, never complaining. She knows what I am going through. She wants so much to help. In her culture, my Mom is her Mom just as her mom is my Mom. But if I mention any of this, it probably looks like I want my wife to help out. I have never asked this of her! Of course I do not want my wife to be burdened with helping my mom. Especially, her first months in America. But she really is the kindest, most noble soul. I have told many people; "She really is the kindest and best human being I have ever known." Ultimately, the degree of her help will end up being making a healthy dinner that we can bring over as they live a mere four-minute drive. "To an outsider," this might look bad. But the reality is all of us having a healthy dinner is what family is all about. And to my mom, eating healthy Chinese food (vs American junk food, the PM caregiver's comfort-driven) is the difference between six-months and six-years. I kid you not. Why do you think I am cardio-vegan? I have seen excess bad food kill so many family members (way too soon) I have lost count. Kind of like a guy who has had a dad die from lung cancer or emphysema chooses not to smoke. Well, at least now you know why I use third-person examples. SPEAKING REAL-TRUTH seems to not matter to "outsiders." I can only hope that if a consular officer reads my painful narrative, they will have at least more compassion and heart than pushbrk. No offense to him, I know he was being sincere and telling it like he sees it from the consulate's eyes.	UrbanOptimist	Male	China	2011-04-01 20:42:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	Reaffirmation of Approval for BOTH the I-129F and I-130...	My God I am throughly exhausted just reading about it I pray that this truly is the "home stretch" for you, and that you and your wife are soon re-united! I have a new found friend that just got a 221g out of Kingston... I have sent her this link to review... Was it the Congressman who gave you the information on what the 5 reasons for denial were?? I would be interested in knowing what they were also... every little bit helps the ones who come up against the same situation later... Thanks for sharing your story, I agree go for the CR1 (((hugs))) Thank you so much! I just learned of this IR-1. When I posted this, I never even heard of the IR-1. I thought I hade TWO CHOICES, the K-3 and the CR-1! It appears that the IR-1 is the way to go!	UrbanOptimist	Male	China	2011-04-01 18:49:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	Reaffirmation of Approval for BOTH the I-129F and I-130...	I agree with Pushbrk. To simplify this, and for your peace of mind, list the 5 reasons you were denied, and the things you have done to combat those 5 reasons from then until now. Then we can help you further. You talk of "individual element" and "human circumstances" but you have to remember that the consular officers are people too, and rely on their own perception, and the evidence in front of them to make a decision (granted, not always fairly) I will share with you the best advice I have ever received on VJ. DONT get angry because you know that your relationship is bonafide. Instead SHOW that it is. You have to remember that the 1am phone calls, personal circumstances stopping you from visiting etc etc are things only YOU and your wife know about. The consular officer sees you as a blank slate. They are there to hunt out fraud, and it is up to YOU to prove the bona fides of your relationship. Also, PLEASE write normally. The colours, italics, bolds make it very very difficult to read your posts, and I for one am struggling! Thank you for your help. I am sorry for my late reply. I have been away for a few days and I even forgot how to find this thread... Actually, I pretty much already alluded to the reasons for being denied. However, it appears that if one is not blessed with the resources others may have, a couple's chances for success is bleak. Being at the "nadir of cash flow" to hire lawyers, quit ones job to have time to travel, etc... is a luxury that not everyone has. I just posted a hypothetical example in hopes of generating sincere banter for a plight (a trio of reasons for Visa Denial) that I am sure many others have faced: May I use a Hypothetical Example Here?	UrbanOptimist	Male	China	2011-04-01 18:47:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	Reaffirmation of Approval for BOTH the I-129F and I-130...	Be aware that the interview, particularly a second one after reaffirmation of a petition is only a part of the decision process for the Consular officer. I see a lot about preparation and webcam time but I would use the time between now and the second interview to spend some quality time with your wife IN CHINA. Time spent together in person is the strongest evidence of a bona fide relationship. Don't be surprised if this next interview is VERY short and/or that the Consular officer demonstrates a vested interest in sticking with the original decision. Definitely take the IR1 visa route at this time. If you want more help, I suggest you concisely give the "5 reasons" you wrote about in your "book". You are correct that spending time together is very IMPORTANT in "their eyes" and evidently carries a lot of weight. But in my case, in ALL FIVE REASONS CITED, there were undeniable anomalies that made things APPEAR unfavorable in our particular case. i.e., I have been instrumental in helping my parents, esp., my mom in her medical recovery; my help has been needed more than ever before. I live a mile away and if were not for my diligent, daily AM help, they might not be around today. How can a man be expected to justify flying off to China when their help is needed most in their hometown? Things happen. In fact, I am taking both of my parent's to their primary care Doctor on Wednesday. Perhaps, a letter from their doctor affirming how instrumental I have been in their recovery would help in some way? Do these Consular Officer's have any compassion for someone helping someone's else medical emergencies that are not the petitioner or the beneficiary? As it is, I might only be able to leave for just two-weeks as my my Aunt (in her 70s) will have to fill in for me and drive across town every day? This is a serious hardship for all of us. It would seem that this reason alone is a reasonable enough justification (it is the absolute truth) for my not being in China? Are they really this heartless? Also, reasons such as "our pictures looked posed," seemed like a stretch too. ISN'T THIS WHY ONE HIRES A PROFESSIONAL PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHER? They are adept helping couples POSE for good pictures? Also, I was lucky that I kept a travel diary and that pictures can (by right-clicking on properties) show that our pictures were not taken all in a short time. I have worked countless hours preparing a Business Plan, Executive Summary, emails to investors and potential manufacturers to launch a patented invention. But on paper, I know that they would rather see an 8 to 5 paycheck guy? It would seem that working diligently to lay the groundwork for a creating a good business should count for something? Does the I-864 signed by the co-sponsor carry serious weight? I have to say, that your line, (demonstrates a vested interest in sticking with the original decision) makes me think of the human tendency to deny "they could have made a mistake." Darnell's reassuring words (and she'll pass this time) have seemingly vanished (like a soap bubble) after reading yours. Don't these Consular Officer's know that they have people's lives in their hands? You are saying that they will shatter family's lives out of spite and stubbornness by clinging to guidelines? If you only knew the countless hours I have worked on everything. I feel pulled in many directions. On one hand, I am glad that you have reinstilled adrenaline-laced fear and pulsating anxiety through every cell in my being as it will prepare me for the final stretch of this arduous and emotionally draining battle. I know that I cannot rest. But, don't they ever look "outside the box" and realize the human beings sometimes have unique circumstances that do not fit into a simple case or guidelines box? Surely, the individual element has to be factored in sometimes doesn't it? Don't the words, "bona fide," mean "made in good faith without fraud or deceit?" if so, than how does my doing the right thing (helping parents who have helped me over the years in many ways) make our relationship NOT of the "bona fide" variety? It makes no sense to me. As you said, I should be prepared to "concisely give the 5 reasons"I used as my rebuttal/chapters. BUT in my case, in ALL FIVE REBUTTALS, I made it very clear that "THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE." I worked day and night extracting documentation and putting into words the backbone of my case. And now you are telling me they can choose to simply IGNORE everything to stand behind their decision and say that because I have not been back to China, our relationship is not "bona fide?" This is so unjust. WHY DO 2,500 HOURS ONLINE IN WEBCAM FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION NOT COUNT FOR ANYTHING? IT IS STILL TIME TOGETHER. Even little things like who will watch my three-legged, 22 pound cat (while I go back to China) is a huge dramatic dilemma. I will probably have to drive to a friend's in Northern New Mexico and fly out of Albuquerque for my two week (or maybe three weeks) trip to China. This is my life story. Everything is an uphill battle. But I do thank you for scaring me and shooting fear back into my entire inner being. I will continue fighting like a rabid dog for what I thought was an ephemeral home-stretch. I will prepare myself well. I had no idea how much more fighting I have to do.	UrbanOptimist	Male	China	2011-03-29 00:59:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	Reaffirmation of Approval for BOTH the I-129F and I-130...	Darnell is right go the I-130 route you won't regret that you did. She'll get a 10 year green card soon after she arrives in the States and can work right away. I think you did the right thing to contact the Congressman's office and now you know the reasons for your visa refusal. Be well prepared for your second interview. Go over possible questions they can ask at the interview. Know as much about each other as you can if you're both going to be at the interview. Thanks. I think we are well prepared because we really do know each other well. Thanks to MSN webcam chats (easily over 2,500 hours) we probably know each other as well as many long-time married couples. LOL. Her English has not only improved ten-fold thanks to our online time together, we know our favorite movies, sports teams, meals, colors, hobbies, cities to move to one day, etc... She could even tell you who is in next week's NCAA basketball Final 4 (VCU, Butler, Kentucky, Connecticut) which is something a lot of ladies here in the states don't even now. But thanks for planting the question preparation seed as I never gave too much thought to specific questions they have been known to ask. Thanks again.	UrbanOptimist	Male	China	2011-03-28 23:23:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	Reaffirmation of Approval for BOTH the I-129F and I-130...	IF I WERE IN YER SHOES, I'd pursue the I-130 route, doing NVC processing for the Immigrant Visa. (I-864, DS-230, etc) via NVC Electronic Processing. (click the girls, study left panel) when she is interviewed (and she'll pass this time) then she'll have an IR-1 visa which will 'get her' a 10 year green card 2 to 5 weeks after POE date. No futher USCIS silliness involved. Good Luck ! THANKS YOU SO MUCH DARNELL! I had a feeling that the first reply I received on this would abound with brevity and common sense, hence making me feel like a fool for going "over-the-top" in sharing too much information on what has transpired to get to this point. You reaffirmed my biggest concern when you said: (and she'll pass this time) I am still curious to hear if my contacting the Congressman's office had any benefit. I know that it slowed things down (long delays) but if it helped bring to light the FIVE SPECIFIC REASONS (instead of the generic 221g line) cited by the Consular Officer that helped me prepare my REBUTTALS, then I guess it served some purpose. I certainly hope so. If not, hopefully, my loss (a big waste of time) can be of benefit to others who got their K3 denied. Anyway, thanks again. Edited by UrbanOptimist, 28 March 2011 - 10:26 PM.	UrbanOptimist	Male	China	2011-03-28 22:25:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	Reaffirmation of Approval for BOTH the I-129F and I-130...	Evidently, the SAME FORK in the road has presented itself, AGAIN, over a year and a half later. Apparently, I made several mistakes that cost my wife and I a lot of time. I will write the issues I am most dumbfounded in ALL BOLD text (see the latter portion of this post) for the sake of clarity. I am sorry that this post will be of an inordinate length; but maybe by me sharing my harrowing experience, others can benefit from my past mistakes. I certainly hope so. To cut to the chase, on September 8, 2009, BOTH of our I-129F and I-130 petitions were approved. I chose (advised my wife) to go the K-3 route. On November 18, 2009, my wife's interview in Guangzhou, China resulted in her being denied her K-3 Visa. The consular officer deemed our relationship to not be of the bona fide variety AKA "221g." Less than a month later, I contacted my Congressman so his casework staff could conduct a "Congressional Inquiry," in hopes of getting a reversal. In retrospect, it appears that asking for Congressional assistance simply resulted in our case needlessly being delayed for an extra half year. Now, I am totally confused about this entire process. On January 26, 2010, I received a notice from the NVC confirming that I was "the agent" for my wife for our CR-1 explaining how I can pay the $400.00 fees. I felt that sending the fees and opting for the CR-1 might complicate matters as I was waiting to hear something from my Congressman's office, secret hoping for some kind of great news, like a "magical reversal" of the K-3 denial. On Feb. 5, 2010, I received an email from my Congressman's caseworker informing me that my wife's K-3 was denied because of 221g (not bona fide relationship) which of course, I already knew from their initial denial letter. During this time I was unclear if I was still allowed to go "the CR-1 route," although my guess is that it also would have been denied for the same reasons as the K-3 as "nothing in our situation" really changed, at least "in their eyes." On April 27, 2010, our case was sent back to the Department of State who sent it to USCIS for further review. This meant that now both the CR-1 and K-3 were no longer an option for us. Our case was in limbo, our lives felt as though they were suspended in freeze-frame. I prepared for the long and tortuous wait of up to 180 days. I was wrong, it was far longer. I contacted the caseworker at the Congressman's office several more times, each time, the delay grew longer and longer. In August (2010) she informed me that I was free to send her anything that would help our case. I sent over a dozen emails with several PDF attachments proving that our relationship was bona fide; she emailed me on 8/31/2010 that she forwarded my documentation to USCIS while confirming to me that they received it from her as well. I inquired again on November (as 180 days had long passed) on December 2, 2010, I was told to wait at least 45 more days. Finally, on Feb. 5, 2011 I received a notice (I-797E) from USCIS that is called a NOIR (Notice of Intent to Revoke) giving me until March 3, 2011 to submit more evidence (RFE?) that I guess is like an opportunity to give me side by rebutting the Consular Officer's FIVE REASONS for denying my wife her K-3 Visa. [This confused me as I thought the caseworker from my Congressman's office already forwarded a lot of what I had prepared back in August 2010.] To add to our plight, I was in Jury Duty from Feb. 8 through February 11. This left me just over two weeks to provide evidence and state my case. The NOIR letter was dated Feb. 1, 2011. I had no idea the hours of work that were ahead of me. If only I knew what to expect (from an NOIR) I could have carefully been preparing endless supporting documentation for our case all along. I could not think about the past nor could I dwell on any "what ifs." I am not kidding when I say I worked day and night, every spare second, gathering webcam chat screenshots, wedding video stills, putting exact dates on pictures (this meant right-clicking on the pic's properties) printing phone call logs, gathering various records and affidavits from friends and relatives, etc... My heart was pounding this entire time. The clock seemed to move faster than I ever imagined. Each hour of those 20 days went by like two minutes. Each day that I seemed to fall more behind was costing extra money too; Sending a USPS Priority Box (with return receipt) costs under ten dollars. Sending an eight-pound, three-inch ring-binder in EXPRESS MAIL with close to 600 pages cost over $53.00! I kept thinking I had until 8PM March 2, 2011 to get to the main Post Office. I was wrong! I called at 4:21PM and found out that Express Mail had to be in their office by 5:30PM. I no longer had time to scan the rest. I continued scanning on the Lexmark while simultaneously printing on the HP (I could always scan what I printed at a later time) until I had my own copies of everything. The clock was 5:13PM. I arrived at the Post Office at 5:26PM. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I pleaded with a clerk to please hold the Express Mail pick-up an extra minute if possible. By the time I reached the front of the line, the clock was 5:29PM! If I had hit one red light, my life would have been torn apart and put on hold yet again. I MADE IT BY ONE-MINUTE! The next day I felt relief when I saw that USPS delivered my eight-pound Express Mail package on March 3, 2011 at 11:07AM at the Laguna Niguel facility. However, all my worst fears and anxiety resurfaced when I entered our case number on the USCIS website. It said March 4, 2011! I thought US Postal Express Mail is guaranteed? I later found out my fears were unwarranted. They allow a couple of days grace period for situations just like I described. I was okay. FINALLY, on March 19, 2011 I found out (via the USCIS website) that on March 18, 2011, a letter had been sent notifying us that our case was REAFFIRMED FOR APPROVAL! I received a two letters (one for the I-129F and one for the I-130) notifying me that BOTH of our cases were REAFFIRMED FOR APPROVAL. While I am not allowing my hopes to get too overly high, this appears to be good news. Better than getting our petition(s) revoked. I apologize for saying way more than I needed to say. But once I started reliving the last half of February, (the task of preparing my rebuttals) I got to thinking; If even one other person is where I was even six-months ago, instead of sitting and idly waiting to hear something, USE THIS TIME to prepare, prepare and prepare! The intensity of my plight was intensified because I had to prepare close to 600 pages in 20 days. In fact, if I did not change a couple of our MSN Webcam chat screenshots to several per page, I easily could have prepared 2,000 pages. If I had saved and submitted every chat transcript, I could have easily added another 2,000 or 3,000 pages. I heard they once received SEVEN BOXES! So why do they send a return envelope? All I knew is that I did my absolute best. I have done some difficult things in my life (a couple of 50 mile day hikes, boxing the California Light-Heavyweight amateur champion, running the LA Marathon, hiking the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim-rim in 24 hours, etc...) but without a doubt, last month's the 20 day preparation of those eight-pounds of nearly 600 pages with five chapters (each with their own opening statement and closing argument) is the most stressful and hardest thing I have ever done. I am stressed just reliving it! Whew! The scanning, the formatting right-clicking on the properties of the dates on all those pictures drained me. They say that "Everything happens for a reason." Perhaps being lead juror in a criminal trial early last month prepared me well. In my cover letter I even alluded to this by mentioning in so many words, "as a juror, I learned that a person is innocent until proven guilty but I am aware that in immigration law the burden of proof is on the petitioner." Okay... FINALLY! With that being said, as I ajust alluded to, the unexpected surprise in all of this, the unknown that I did not anticipate was that my I-129F also got REAFFIRMED FOR APPROVAL? WOW! Is this a good thing? Seeing that the K-3 Visa was what got denied in the first place (at the 11/19/2009 interview in Guangzhou) and seeing that it got reaffirmed for approval, SHOULD WE JUST PREPARE FOR ANOTHER K-3? I mean since I rebutted the FIVE REASONS the Guangzhou Consular Officer gave for denying my wife's K-3 Visa, is our chance for success greater now by going the same route since those issues were all RECENTLY addressed and rebutted? OR at this point, does it matter? ARE THERE ANY ADVANTAGES TO GOING FOR THE CR-1 now? I understand that it is a NOT a common occurrence that the Consular Officer will use any of the SAME FIVE REASONS given before, again, the second time around, but it can happen. Also, I am aware that they can always look for new reasons for a denial. But if we opted to go for the CR-1, could any of aforementioned reasons for denying the K-3 Visa be used again? It would seem like that is unlikely. At this point in time, ALL WE CARE ABOUT IS TIME. We have been apart for such a long time. I know that I have to be there with her for her next interview too. This was part of the reasons for the first denial.; the fact that I had not been back to China since our wedding. This is why I gathered affidavits and medical records relating to my Mom medical adversities incl., trips to ER because of falls and other unforeseen emergencies. Talk about a Catch-22! My mom is our co-sponsor (i.e., I-134, I-864) but she had a few medical emergencies and if not not for me being here and being proactive and needed for her recovery (incl. being her AM caregiver) she would not be here today. It seemed so callous that a person has to make choices like this. This is why my wife is the best! In China, family (esp., on the elderly side) always comes first. My wife fully understood and even called and wrote letters and comforted my mom during this arduous time. My guess is that the National Visa Center will have our case in their computers and forwarded back to Consulate by July 2011? Oh yeah, another question. Hopefully, this can help others too. Was asking my Congressman's office for help a total waste of time and energy? WOULD I STILL HAVE BEEN GIVEN A NOIR? But instead of receiving it in February 2011, maybe I might have received it in the middle of last year? OR... was the Congressional Inquiry the driving force behind me finally being given THE FIVE SPECIFIC REASONS why the K-3 was denied? Admittedly, if I did not know these five reasons for the K-3 Visa denial, my preparing the "eight-pound" notebook would have been far more arduous and blind by not knowing what I was rebutting. Am I correct that all people are entitled to know the EXACT REASONS for their Visa being denied (under the Freedom of Information Act?) regardless if they have Congressional assistance or not? Also, it took me a long time to find out that Wedding Videos are NOT allowed to present. This is unfortunate as I believe that a video speaks loud. Our forty-five minute video could have been edited to three minutes. See the link on my profile. But I am sure this has been said by countless couples in the same position so I will stop now. After what we have gone through, I am hoping that someone knows, if at this point, if going for the K-3 has any advantages over the CR-1. I realize in both cases, my wife will probably need another Police certificate and another medical exam. I am guessing that BOTH would have a similar interview date as well? I know the CR-1 requires about $404.00 plus another $88.00 but if it takes more time and if the reasons for the K-3 Visa denial have been recently rebutted, I am thinking it might be the better way to go? THANKS TO ANY AND EVERYONE WHO CAN ANSWER THIS FOR ME. THANKS AGAIN! Urban Optimist	UrbanOptimist	Male	China	2011-03-28 20:21:00
IR-1 / CR-1 Spouse Visa Process & Procedures	CR1 DENIED IN GHANA UNDER 221 G	I'm very sad for the response that you had received. I pray that things will work out better for you both. I will keep you in my prayers.	Antwifam	Female	Ghana	2009-12-16 18:39:00
Middle East and North Africa	Change the way I dress?	OMG this topic seems to be a rude and ignorant people magnet! I don't know why people are such jerks sometimes....ugh! I dress "American" and wish I had the balls to dress more "Islamic" and kudos to you! And I am not even "religous" though I converted as well. I agree the MENA wear can be very pretty, feminine and stylish. I see nothing wrong with being a new convert and wanting to dress this way. It IS beautiful! Just look at the women walking around in most Muslim countries (minus strict countries like Saudi, etc)and you will see style and fashion even in a head scarf. In Turkey, the scarves look just like a fashionable accessory and not what westerners think is something oppressive! I wish I could dress like that, but I know I would be seriously putting myself out there for ridicule here in the US to people who know me already and I admit I don't have the courage to do so. Maybe some day.....I definitely try to dress modest yet stylish-minus the scarf as I cannot get used to it when I tried (out of respect and because it looks nice) when visiting his family, but they were ok with that. Muslims aren't what most westerners think! And my hubby comes from a more conservative family. Good for you for asking! Ignore the rude people. I think Muslima style and clothing is stylish , feminine and freeing...yes, freeing! I am not including countries where they wear all black or have a slit only for their eyes...... Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 23 September 2010 - 09:53 PM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-09-23 21:48:00
Middle East and North Africa	Mosque and Marriage	Yea a little, but being new to America he didn't know what to expect! I know I was a little shocked though as I am new to Islam myself. I still knew he was a bad fish....wish we had a different mosque and or Imam!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-11-16 11:35:00
Middle East and North Africa	Mosque and Marriage	He did charge and at the time I was a bit broke and asked if I could "donate" less and he kept smiling and says no. I was like, um, ok. It was awkward. I only asked if I could donate less as he called it a "suggested donation" when in fact to me it seemed like a straight out fee. Oh well, whatever. He never even got up from his desk to marry us and suddenly grabbed two random guys as a witness, both students named Muhammed from Africa. It should have been more official for $150 if you ask me. I don't think he was a "true" Muslim in my opinion. He didn't ask if my father was Muslim-he just assumed as my last name sounds middle eastern, more so than my own husbands. So....wish I could have told him that wasn't fair of him, but I was too embarrassed. Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 15 November 2010 - 05:49 PM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-11-15 17:46:00
Middle East and North Africa	Mosque and Marriage	We married no problems....no counseling...all the imam seemed to care about was the $150 "donation" to marry us lol I asked if I could pay a little less since I couldn't really afford that amount and he says no! Whatever, we got a pretty certificate out of it!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-11-13 18:31:00
Middle East and North Africa	HALAL Food	Your son is really cute.... As for the Halal food thing: my hubby at the airport in Chicago was afraid to eat chocolate or anything for that matter. I was like um, hello there isn't pork in a caramel apple (he wanted to try it)! Eventually he lightened up and then he found the Halal markets and still tries to shop there for meats whenever possible. It's very expensive-like 50-70 dollars every 2 weeks! Oh well, I just hope there isn't any preservatives, antibiotics or hormones in them like regular store meats as that makes it worth it for me. Bread! Ha ha when we went to Chili's to eat back in the early days, my hubby ordered a cheeseburger with extra bread! Now, he isn't like that anymore and eats bread only sometimes with meals, but not like before!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-11-15 17:55:00
Middle East and North Africa	MENA December 2010 Chat	ZaidsMommy: I am totally with you on that one! How RUDE for a person to take their time to only make a post correcting someone's spelling like that when they are just talking about normal VJ family things. Ughhhh some people! Seriously. Mithra and the other person: I'm sure you are so perfect in all of your spelling, but who cares when you are not very nice to others!!?? Bah humbug!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-12-23 03:51:00
Middle East and North Africa	FAMILY ACCEPTANCE	I hate to be a party pooper, but why are you marrying an almost child? I'm 36 and couldn't imagine marrying someone that young! People change so much in their early-mid twenties. I would be leary. Sorry, I don't have advice other than this. Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 24 January 2011 - 08:32 PM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2011-01-24 20:30:00
Middle East and North Africa	Language	Community college ESL courses are cheaper than at the U. The ones at the library are free and a great starter before officially registering.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2011-02-01 01:10:00
Middle East and North Africa	MENA Spouses Poll	Turkey Male No-American born to Hungarian immigrants	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-06-23 02:06:00
Middle East and North Africa	Child Custody In Egypt (Slightly Off Topic)	A word of advice here for anyone who doesn't know any better: You can never ask a question in any MENA thread as all the people who are bored here or have their own issues will come here and make it a madhouse and make you out to be the worst person in the world and then go off topic and start fights of their own like some zoo. I usually read and run because I get so disgusted, but I will say something this time and for anyone sane out there in MENA land: please don't ask for any advice in this forum or give any of the crazy ones on here any personal info-they will tear you apart unfairly while thinking themselves perfect! Just because she asked a naive question does not mean that her relationship is doomed just because her fiance wants custody of his child (right or wrong)! Please. Get a life. There are a few of you who are sane on here, but I have been sadly disappointed reading the MENA forum for years now and it's too bad because I am married to a Muslim too and will never find a sisterhood here, that's for sure. I don't understand why people are so mean and nasty here. Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 26 June 2011 - 02:43 PM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2011-06-26 14:42:00
Middle East and North Africa	NOID APPROVED	Wow! What great news!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS! Your hard work paid off!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2010-12-02 19:05:00
Middle East and North Africa	Has marriage & life been what you expected?	Ugh, ,my post disappeared, so now I have to make a short story even shorter. Yes, it was everything I expected and knew the honeymoon stage ends, for him, I think because he has no relationship experience may be disappointed that things aren't always lovey-dovey, so I think that along with the adjustment was perhaps disappointing though he hasn't said that. He has returned home recently for his father's death and was always comparing the two countries with the US in less favor lol and now he sees both countries are far from perfect, not just the US and was glad to be home. Also, until I got pregnant, we hardly bickered and now that we have triplet baby boys, we do about weekly, but that would be for any parents of multiples lol. It's crazyyyy in this house as far as the work and energy put into the babies.....Im trying to get me a few minutes of computer and TV time for 30 min before going to bed lol! I wish I could write more, but I have to go to sleep...I really enjoyed reading all the stories here and I'm sorry Kat what happened to you. I remember And yes, it is often like Groundhog's day in here, but ah, well....	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-05-14 03:03:00
Middle East and North Africa	DO they deport me if my fiance leave me in US?	Why is she going to leave you Aram so soon after coming here? Why would you be with someone who would cause you to worry so much that she'd leave you once coming here? Why would you come here if you knew there's a good chance she'd leave you? Why wouldn't you want to just go back home if she did leave you if everywhere is the "same" and worry about being deported...why would you want to stay? Just curious as to why this is so important to you. I am not having any problem understanding his English either...hey, I'm married to a foreigner myself and my parents were as well, so I make no mistake in understanding. Or am I? You asked what would happen if she left you before getting married and would you get deported.... Just asking some good questions myself because while I understand the question, I don't get the reasoning....well, I actually do, but I'd like to hear your answers Aram.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-05-27 01:42:00
Middle East and North Africa	Why the obsession with Muslims and sex?	The easiest (and private) outlet is going to be internet porn. Additionally, these boys in their teens stay fascinated much like a virgin teenager would be until they actually have sex...what American teenage boy hasn't googled "sex"...difference is, in the US boys eventually satisfy that curiosity much sooner than their Muslim counterparts...hence the "sex Googling" is gonna be going on for much longer time in those countries for these boys/men until they are married and think it's a free for all LOLOLOL Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 31 May 2012 - 06:07 PM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-05-31 18:00:00
Middle East and North Africa	Why the obsession with Muslims and sex?	Why? I think because sex outside of marriage (such as in Muslim countries) is forbidden. Men have to "save up" money and assets to be able to afford to propelry take care of a wife and family financially and that often takes them to their late 20s early 30s before they are "set"....that's a LONNNNNNNNNG time without sex in any man's world LOL Of course, not all unmarried men do this, but I am sure most do in Muslim countries and any country in general. Look at the sexually free US-they can get it on anytime and still turn to porn...ha! Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 31 May 2012 - 06:02 PM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-05-31 17:58:00
Middle East and North Africa	What to Expect at Your K-1 Fiance Visa Interview??	no lol i went with him. they were concerned about his English and my Turkish mainly(both not very good, but we developed our own language combining both lol), otherwise no other questions besides about my work and basic questions. Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 03 June 2012 - 10:46 AM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-03 10:43:00
Middle East and North Africa	What to Expect at Your K-1 Fiance Visa Interview??	I'd definitely get a copy of what she sent in the I-129.....I sent my husband (then fiance) a copy including a copy of all photos I sent and it helps to know what the embassy will have in front of them when they interview you. I told him to be familiar with what I sent and everything about me....they did ask about family, work and basic stuff like that.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-02 21:38:00
Middle East and North Africa	How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?	Yes, I was certain, but also a bit naive LOL, but thank God it's worked out anyway, it was a bumpy road there for a good year or two. Yes, it's tiring as all hell, but worth it and why oh why do I stay online hours past my bedtime just for a bit of piece and quiet? LOL, I sure do suffer in the morning when they wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed ha ha...glad it's worked out for you and the others here	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-10 04:51:00
Middle East and North Africa	How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?	Yes, I was certain, but also a bit naive LOL, but thank God it's worked out anyway, it was a bumpy road there for a good year or two. Yes, it's tiring as all hell, but worth it and why oh why do I stay online hours past my bedtime just for a bit of piece and quiet? LOL, I sure do suffer in the morning when they wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed ha ha...glad it's worked out for you and the others here	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-10 04:50:00
Middle East and North Africa	How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?	Yes, I was certain, but also a bit naive LOL, but thank God it's worked out anyway, it was a bumpy road there for a good year or two. Yes, it's tiring as all hell, but worth it and why oh why do I stay online hours past my bedtime just for a bit of piece and quiet? LOL, I sure do suffer in the morning when they wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed ha ha...glad it's worked out for you and the others here	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-10 04:50:00
Middle East and North Africa	How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?	james&olya...both of you having kids is much better than one never being a parent before...the one who hadn't had any children (though we have our own together now)doesn't know what tehy are getting into with 3 teens (often other aged kids too) not that someone who hasn't been a parent before can't do a good job, I just think many of them come running in with rose colored glasses lol Sounds like an ideal situation for all of you though! If my hubby had a kid with him when he came, he would have been more understanding at first!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-10 02:45:00
Middle East and North Africa	How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?	Aw thanks for asking. Yes they are over the moon and really want to see them, but um yea international flight with triplet babies is not happening until after 3 years old...more like 5 years old lol. The other kids are all teenagers, so they dont mind at all, in fact they really love them. Hubby was surprised how much he has to help and this has caused our first real issues in our marriage, but yea, goodbye honeymoon stage for sure! He told me and I am quoting "you just feed them and then put them down to sleep" hahahahaha.....yea. This came form a man who babysat his nieces/nephews and loved babies, etc etc...I dont know, but me thinks he gave back the babies when they cried. Edited by ErikaAndHamit, 09 June 2012 - 02:00 AM.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-09 01:58:00
Middle East and North Africa	How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?	Ditto on non-peachy times with teens and the new stepdad who was all gung-ho first year lol!! Hes definitely not so gung-ho and peachy keen about itvanymore...i hate being in the middle of it all too...there isnt anything like actually being here a while to se reality...not saying things cant be good one day as they will, but it aint easy!! lol he though it would be easy,,,,just like having our own triplets together would be easy (yes he thought this when i was pregnant)....NOT!!!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-08 23:56:00
Middle East and North Africa	Please Guide me Emergency	If she felt anything like I felt when flying internationally she's probably just dehydrated or didn't eat...she will most likely be fine. I hope she call you soon!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-05-26 15:33:00
Middle East and North Africa	How tall are you & your MENA so?	5'2 and he's 5'7 or is it 5'9.....lol	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-08 01:52:00
Middle East and North Africa	June 2012	-Self-admitted lurker for YEARS- will join the monthly thread now.... I guess I'll volunteer some information...hubby from Turkey while not technically "MENA" but Eurasia is right smack dab in between the Middle East and North Africa LOL and my hubby is Muslim and so I think i qualify? It's just in the past people were just so mean and nasty to each other here, I was reluctant to post. My hubby is 30 and I am 37, second marriage for me and 1st for him. I ahve 3 teens from first marriage and we now both ahve triplet boys 9 mos old together. He might go for citizenship this year, but anyhow he does have his 10 yr greencard, so it isn't any rush. Things aren't always easy as with any new marriage, esp with multiples, but it is calming down finally as far as adjustment to culture, a bucnh of babies and blending a family...it really sucks with ym lack of sleep that I can't seem to type without a thousand typos anymore and so as I get to know you all, i probably wont be correcting them.. My only free time nowadays is the internet...FB and VJ are my faves. Right now, I have one absconder still awake and infringing on my "me" time and I stay up VERY late and get little sleep so I can read or just relax,but often a baby or two or three wakes up lol It'sbeen very difficult, but so worth it of course. I have been home for about a year now and it will be tiem to go back to work as an RN in the fall and I realy dont want to. Hubby is just now continuing English courses to improve on that so he can get a higher degree..... Anyway gotta run, nice to be here!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-06-15 02:29:00
Middle East and North Africa	Need help, I am very worried...	stanfordd: oh, she has to judge and make assumptions...the a$$hole was contacted days ago, is perfectly fine, yet has not contacted her to explain.....there's nothing OK about that in my book....id be pissed and hurt! It would tell me all i needed to know.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-07-04 08:55:00
Middle East and North Africa	Need help, I am very worried...	Yikes, not good news with him not contacting you at all unfortunately. I'd forget him as it shows his real "love" for you.	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-07-03 23:37:00
Middle East and North Africa	Interview in 2 weeks	How exciting!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-07-04 09:10:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan 2012	Interesting, sounds good and very healthy. Never tried hibiscus tea, but I heard it's good. Anyone have ayran (Im sure there is an equivalent in other countries)? It's a salty yogurt drink....my husband loves it...me? Yuck lol	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-08-06 13:15:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan 2012	What's sobia?	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-08-06 03:21:00
Middle East and North Africa	Ramadan 2012	LoL at real coffee only being Turkish...that stuff is like motor oil scraped out of an engine hahaha! Oooh lemon bluberry...what soda do you put that with? Like Sprite? I put my hazlenut with coke and it was sooooo good!	ErikaAndHamit	Female	Turkey	2012-07-26 11:55:00